OrEd-T-18.10-A Delusional Thought System
84. I have been told to bring the darkness to the light and guilt to holiness. And I have also been told that error must be corrected at its source. Therefore, it is the tiny part of myself, the little thought that seems split off and separate, which the Holy Spirit needs. The rest is fully in God's keeping and needs no guide. Yet this wild and delusional thought needs help. In its delusions this little thought thinks it is the Son of God, sole ruler of a mad kingdom, set apart for it to tyrannize into obedience and slavery.
85. Within this kingdom is a tiny segment of the Son of God, unaware of what I think surrounds it, complete, holy, serene. This is the little part of myself I think I stole from Heaven. Heaven has not lost it, but I have lost sight of Heaven. I will give it back. I must let the Holy Spirit save the tiny segment of the Son of God from the dark kingdom, for the Holy Spirit, Who surrounds this kingdom, has brought union to me. By bringing my little gift of darkness to the eternal Light, I will not be separate.
86. How is this done? Being based on what this little kingdom really is, it is simple. The barren sands, the darkness and the lifelessness, are seen only through the body's eyes. The body's vision is distorted, and the messages this vision transmits to me are so little, limited, and fragmented they are meaningless. From the world of bodies, made by insanity, insane messages seem to be returned to the mind which made the body. And these messages bear witness to this world, telling me it is true. I made these messengers of the body to bring this message to me.
87. Everything these messages relay to me is quite external. There are no messages that speak of what lies underneath, for the body could not speak of this. Its eyes do not perceive, its senses are unaware, and its tongue cannot relay the messages of what is underneath. Yet God can bring me there if I am willing to follow the Holy Spirit through seeming terror, trusting Him not to abandon me and leave me there. For it is not His purpose to frighten me. Only I wish to be be frightened. He would lead me safely through and far beyond, though I am severely tempted to abandon Him at the outside ring of fear.
88. The circle of fear lies just below the level that the body sees. The circle of fear was made to keep guilt in place. And the world arose from it, hiding the circle of fear and everything that is underneath the world. Twisted thoughts, insane attacks, vengeance, fury, betrayal, illusion, seem to be the whole foundation on which the world is based. Rising with the world is the world's shadow, deep enough to hold the external manifestations in darkness, bringing despair and loneliness to the world, keeping it joyless. This intense foundation of fear, is veiled by heavy coverings, keeping the intense fear hidden from the world, as the world was made to hide the circle of fear. The body cannot see this, for the body became a protection for the circle of fear, protecting it from being seen. The body's eyes will never look on it. They will see only what fear tells them to see.
89. The body will remain guilt's messenger and will act as guilt directs as long as I believe that guilt is real. For the reality of guilt is the illusion which seems to make guilt heavy, opaque, impenetrable, and a real foundation for the ego's thought system. The thinness and transparency of guilt cannot be seen until I see the light behind it. Then I see guilt as a fragile veil before the light.
90. This seemingly heavy barrier, this artificial floor which looks like rock, is like a bank of low dark clouds that seems to be a solid wall before the sun. Its impenetrable appearance is wholly an illusion. It gives way softly to the mountain tops which rise above it, and the clouds have no power at all to hold back anyone willing to climb above them and see the sun. It isn't strong enough to stop a button's fall nor hold a feather. Nothing can rest upon it. Touch it and it disappears.
91. Yet in this cloud bank, it is easy to see a whole world rising. A solid mountain range, a lake, a city, all rise in my imagination, and from the clouds the messengers of my perception return to me, assuring me that it is all there. Figures stand out and move about, actions seem real, forms appear and shift from loveliness to grotesque. And back and forth they go, as long as I would play the game of children's make-believe. Yet however long I play, and no matter how much imagination I bring to the game, I do not confuse the game with the world below, nor try to make it real.
92. It should be like that with my perception of dark clouds of guilt. Guilt is also unsubstantial, like vapor. I will not bruise myself by traveling through it. My guide will teach me the unsubstantial nature of the clouds of guilt as He leads me past them, for beneath them is a world of light on which they cast no shadows. Their shadows fall upon the world behind them, still further from the light. Their shadows cannot fall forward, toward the light.
93. The world of light, the circle of brightness, is the real world where guilt meets forgiveness. The world outside is seen anew, without the shadow of guilt upon it. Here I am forgiven, for here I have forgiven everyone. Here is the new perception where everything is bright and shining with innocence, washed in the waters of forgiveness, and cleansed of every evil thought I had laid upon it. Here there is no attack upon the Son of God, and I am welcome. My innocence is here, waiting to clothe, protect, and make me ready for the final step in the journey inward. Here the dark and heavy garments of guilt are laid by, and gently replaced with purity and love.
94. Yet, forgiveness is not the end. Forgiveness does make lovely, but it doesn't create. Forgiveness is the source of healing, and the messenger of love, but it is not the Source of love. This is a step I cannot take. I am led here so God Himself can take the final step, unhindered. For nothing here interferes with love, letting love be itself. Love transports me to something completely different. Here is the Source of light. Nothing here is perceived, forgiven, nor transformed, only everything is known.
