OrEd-T-21.5-The Fear to Look Within
41. The Holy Spirit will never teach me that I am sinful. He will correct errors, but this is not fearful. I am willing to admit that I am afraid to look within and see the sin I think is there. My faith that sin is there witnesses to my desire that sin be there to see. The ego deems that fear, in association with sin is quite appropriate, lets me feel ashamed, and smiles approvingly. Yet this only seems to be the source of fear. The ego's temples do not shake because of this.
42. I remember that the ego is not alone. Its rule is tempered, and it fears an unknown "enemy", that it cannot see. The ego loudly tells me not to look inward, for if I do, my eyes will light on sin, and God will strike me blind. I believe this, and so I do not look. The ego makes this claim, too loudly and too often. Yet this is not the ego's hidden fear, nor mine as servant of the ego. For underneath this constant shout and frantic proclamation, the ego is not certain it is true. Beneath my fear to look within because of sin, is another fear, which does makes the ego tremble.
43. What if I looked within and saw no sin? This "fearful" question is one the ego never asks. And I, who ask it now, am threatening the ego's whole defensive system too seriously for it to pretend to be my friend. My belief in sin has been shaken. I am willing to look within now, and not find sin. Those who have joined their brothers have detached themselves from the belief their identity lies in the ego. A holy relationship is one in which I join with what is part of myself in truth.
44. My liberation is born within me, but still limited and incomplete. Not being wholly mad, I have been willing to look on much of my insanity and recognize its madness. My faith is moving inward, past insanity and on to reason. What my reason tells me now, the ego would never hear. The Holy Spirit's purpose is accepted by the part of my mind the ego does not know, and neither did I. Yet, I now identify with this part of the mind and am not afraid to look within. This mind is willing to see the Holy Spirit's purpose as its own, because it knows no sin.
*45. Since time began this mind has seen and recognized my brother. It desired only to join with him and to be free again as it once was. It has been waiting for the acceptance of release and birth of freedom to come to me. Now I recognize there is something else within me, that it was not the ego that joined the Holy Spirit's purpose. This is not madness. It is what my reason tells me, and follows perfectly from what I have already learned.
46. There is no inconsistency in the Holy Spirit's teaching. This is the reasoning of the sane. We perceived the ego's madness, and because we did not choose to share in it, we are not afraid. The madness still deceives us at times. Yet in our saner moments, its ranting strikes no terror in our hearts. In its rage at our "presumption" to look within, the ego would withdraw its gifts from us. We realize we do not want the gifts. A few trinkets still seem to shine and catch our eye, but we would not give up Heaven to have them.
47. Now the ego is afraid. What the ego hears in terror, the other part of our mind hears as the sweetest music. The mind has longed to hear this song since the ego came. This song of freedom sings the praises of another world, bringing to our mind the hope of peace. The part of mind that remembers Heaven, sees that Heaven has come to earth at last. The ego's rule has kept it out so long. Heaven has come because it has found a home on earth in our relationship. And earth no longer can hold what has been given to Heaven as its own.
48. We look gently on each other, and remember the ego's weakness is revealed in both our sight. What the ego would keep apart, has met and joined, and looks without fear on the ego. We are like little children, innocent of sin, following in gladness the way to certainty. We are not held back by fear's insane insistence that sureness lies in doubt. This has no meaning, no matter how loudly it is proclaimed. The senseless is not made meaningful by repetition and clamor. The quiet way is open. We will follow it happily and not question what must be true.
