How to not embarrass yourself when trying BDSM-S04E45

Description

Recorded: 10/16/2022 / Published: 4/21/2023

- Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt. I'm your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show we use our combined 35 years of BDSM experience and my 20 years working in the psychology field to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. Text in your questions and comments to 865-268-4005 or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com.

- In this week’s episode we are diving into another question I frequently get: “I’m new and one of my biggest fears is that I’ll do something to embarrass myself. What can I do to prevent this?”
Correction from the last episode. I started the show in 2016, not 2017, so this will be my 6-year anniversary on November 6, 2022. Also, the 200th episode was a couple back, S04E43, an interview we did with Brittany from the Dungeon Store and Split Peaches.

1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young

- “How to Not Embarrass Yourself When Trying Kink Play” By Gigi Fong / Sep 9, 2022
- https://hypebae.com/2022/9/fifty-shades-of-grey-what-is-kink-sex-tips
- “Kink and BDSM make sexual pleasure all the more fun — if you understand the rules. It takes a certain level of maturity to practice, while also holding a safe space for yourself and your partner(s) during sex.

So, if you’d like to avoid embarrassing yourself, keep reading.

Following toxic pop culture. As much as it made for great discussions, Fifty Shades is not an accurate representation of a consensual kink relationship. Opt for more boundary setting, communication and comprehension, and most importantly, respect.
Unclear Boundaries. Not being sure on what you’re okay with versus not, can leave you feeling violated and sexually unsatisfied. Neutral environments, like a coffee shop or beach date, are best for having that initial boundary-setting conversation. Make sure you do this before trying something sexually new.
Relying on safe words too much. Safe words are important, but if you find yourself blurting them out more often than not, you’re probably not mentally or sexually ready for this new adventure. It may be best to do more research and communicate, then revisit — or not.
Be prepared to laugh. Just as with life, nothing ever rarely goes as planned — but you have your tools. For example, the gym for stress relief when something goes left. Kink play is the same. You might get caught off guard at some points and let out a nervous laugh. That’s okay. As long as you feel safe and respected.”

Mayfair’s List:
- Manage expectations: you aren't likely to be ready for a thirty-minute whip scene right away
- You aren't the only ones playing, prepare to hear others and to not be too disruptive. (ball gags can help)
- Arousal can happen, if it wasn't pre-discussed leave it alone for now.
Kuldrin’s List:
- Properly preparing for play: education, practice, “clean out”, …
- Become comfortable with the grunts, groans, moans, squeals, and “bodily noises”...they're all going to happen
- Frenzy can be embarrassing. Especially when everyone else sees you in the midst of it and you don’t recognize it.

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