INT. CAESAR'S CUBICULUM- EVENING JULIUS CAESAR is getting ready to meet with the Senate. His wife, CALPURNIA, tries to talk him out of it. CALPURNIA: Husband, please. I had a premonition - your statue drenched in blood. CAESAR: The blood of my enemies, no doubt! Thank you, that's a nice confidence-booster. CALPURNIA: But don't you remember what the soothsayer said? "Beware the Ides of March." CAESAR: Let'sjust cross that Rubicon when we come to it. When are the Ides? CALPURNIA: Today! CAESAR: And we're fine! See, nothing to worry about. Now, where did I put those laurels… CALPURNIA: Have you read the letterArtemidorus wrote you? CAESAR: Ugh, Artemidorus.The "diviner." We'll see who's diviner. You know I'm a descendant of Venus, right? CALPURNIA: Yes, you've mentioned that many times. CAESAR: Good. So what's in this letter? CALPURNIA: He says to beware Brutus, come not near Casca, trust not Trebonius, and mark well Metellus CAESAR: Boy, that's a lot of alliteration.A little flowery for my tastes. But, in the spirit of democracy, what'sold Artie say about Cinna? CALPURNIA: "Have an eye to Cinna." CAESAR: I'm no Catullus, but if you're going to run with the alliteration, at least be consistent. CALPURNIA: Husband, focus. CAESAR: What's our fireplace got to do with this? Anyway,the Senate adores me.Brutus and I have this special handshake - he's always like, "Et tu, Caesar!" And I'm like, "Et tu, Brute!" It's cute. CALPURNIA: Didn't you lie with Brutus's mother? CAESAR: I fail to see how that's relevant. CALPURNIA: Then why this morning did I overhear Brutus asking Casca how one might remove blood stains from one's toga? CAESAR: We get blood on our togas all the time! Do you know how many sheep I've sacrificed this week? I don't even know who I'm sacrificing them to. I just don't want to offend some minor deity who then burns my toast for the rest of my life. CALPURNIA: Brutus specified that it would be human blood. CAESAR: My guess? Requiescat in pace, Artemidorus. Guy's got a spottier track record than that meteorologist who forecasts the weather by rummaging through bull innards. CALPURNIA: I also saw several senators gleefully sharpening their daggers. One made a throat-cutting gesture and winked at me. CAESAR: What? Which one? CALPURNIA: Trebonius. CAESAR: Well, trust not Trebonius. Now, when you say "several" CALPURNIA: Sixty. CAESAR: Sixty? CALPURNIA: Much of the Senate plots against you. CAESAR: Why would anyone want to kill their boss? CALPURNIA: … CAESAR: Sixty guys, wow. They must be planning something big - a surprise deification ceremony!(laughs) Boy, that is really going to stick in Artemidorus's craw. CALPURNIA:I worry more about daggers sticking in your back. CAESAR:Even if you're right, how bad could it be? You stab a person four, five times, tops. He's dead, we get it. CALPURNIA: Husband, I beg you CAESAR: Look, Cal. I know it's the Ides, and the soothsayer soothsaid some things, and you had a scary dream, and Artemidorus warned me about a scheme, and the fellas were sharpening their blades and making menacing gestures, and pretty much everything that's happened this past month portends a grisly end for your beloved Julius… CALPURNIA:Why do I foresee a "but"? CAESAR: …but I've got a really great feeling about this meeting. I think it's going to be rather momentous. Historic, even. CURTAIN.
