6:30 AM- Work on delts and quads by throwing barrels from the top of a construction site. 8:00 AM- Reward self on grueling workout with a tasty smoothie (no, not a banana smoothie, smart-ass; strawberry and mango, actually. Please stop with the profiling, it insults the both of us). 10:30 AM- Yay, banana time!! 11:00 AM- Contact electric company again, plead with them to finally change name on billing address to "Donkey Kong" rather than "Donkey Dong". 12:30 PM- Meet up with Luigi and Toad, discuss plans to run by the store and pick up supplies for fun evening of throwing toilet paper and rotten eggs at Sonic's house. 2:00 PM- Spend awhile online comparing auto insurance rates for turtle shell damage. 3:30 PM- Show up for filming of Maury Povich show episode, contesting ex's claim that Donkey Kong, Jr. is actually my biological son. 5:00 PM- Press conference given to members of the donkey community, attempting to explain in detail again why I'm not co-opting their culture. 9:00 PM- Spend half an hour or so picking bugs and various debris from my fur; funds are a bit light this month, so get a little extra cash by broadcasting this on OnlyFans. 11:45 PM- Meet up with Mario in the world of Grand Theft Auto for our monthly night of meth and hookers.
