Trump Was Allegedly Kept From ‘Brink of Rage’ by Song From ‘Cats’ Newsweek 9/28/21
I can’t BELIEVE that Kim Jong Un would be so mean to me on his stupid little state TV show. He dared to call me “an overstuffed basketball filled with the putrid remains–and estimated intelligence–of 200 rat carcasses.” What a LOSER! Especially after we had that perfect phone call last week where we bared our unending love to each other. I said “I love you,” and he said, “I know.” I really thought he cared about me. GUESS NOT!
I’m going to bring fire and fury down on his head, the likes of which the world has never seen before. After I call Voice of America and tell them to set me up with my OWN state TV show that will be WAY BETTER than Little Rocket Man’s, I have finally decided that I am going to NUKE NORTH KOREA. I am a FIGHTER! Donald J. Trump will not stand for this kind of disrespect to himself and our GREAT NATION. Little Rocket Man, prepare to be NUKED with my Nuclear Button, which is a much bigger and more powerful one than yours!
Weird! My aide Max Miller just ran into my office, yelling about my tweets from just now. He started waving his arms and yelling “NO NO NO” and “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS! GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD! BECAUSE OF YOU MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN WILL NEVER SEE ADULTHOOD!” What’s his deal?
Max PLEADED with me and asked if I could go sit down on my couch in front of my TV. Don’t know where this is going. But it’s been a long day. I’ll go watch some TV. Then it is OVER, LITTLE ROCKET MAN!
Max just put on a movie. He’s telling me that this movie is a musical, and it’s the musical that has that song I like, “Memory.” Huh! That’s a truly tremendous song. Sure! I will watch this movie.
Apparently this musical was written by the same guy who wrote Phantom of the Opera. Is this musical also about an untraditionally attractive genius with many haters, who seduces women who are way too young for him? I love Phantom of the Opera.
The cats are now singing the first song. This movie is great so far. The cats are so well-animated and fun to look at! GREAT JOB!
They just sang about “Political cats and hypocritical cats.” Don’t you mean Adam Schiff? A total con!
Jennyanydots is such a crazed, unhinged lowlife. Why is she eating crickets with human faces? Can’t sing! Will never get to the Heaviside Layer. She should just stay at home and raise those weird mouse children. Doesn’t belong outside that kitchen!
I like this Rum Tum Tugger character. My disobliging ways are also a matter of habit! And I’m also a curious beast. MEOW!
I am a Great President who plays by my OWN RULES! There isn’t any call for me to shout it. I will do as I do do, and there’s NO DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
Grizabella the Glamour Cat is such a washed-up loser. You’d never suppose that this husk of a star was actually her. Very smart of the Jellicles to not let her back into the tribe. The Fake News CNN wants you to think she’ll get to the Heaviside Layer, but she definitely won’t. What a has-been!
A notorious couple of cats named Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are stealing someone’s jewelry. Just like CRAZY JOE BIDEN is going to STEAL THIS ELECTION. (For more bangers like this, donate to my campaign at TEAMTRUMP.COM.)
Old Deuteronomy is a great character. I also have many wives, and numerous progeny. (You only know about a few of them!) And I know that my BEAUTIFUL SUPPORTERS are also proud of ME in my decline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh, get this washed-up failure Grizabella off my screen!
Wait, I recognize that music. Is she the one who sings “Memory?” Max is telling me right now that she is. (I yell all my tweets out loud as I write them.) Oh, she IS the one who sings “Memory!” Maybe I will give her a chance.
Why did Grizabella only sing one verse of “Memory?” Give us more! What a HACK! TOTAL LOSER!
Give it up, Gus the Theater Cat! You’re done. You’re washed up. GO HOME! And we’ve repealed Obamacare, so you’re going to have to manage that “palsy that makes your paw shake” o...
