In this episode of #FeelingsMatter, hosts Michelle Stinson Ross, Tina Schweiger, and Heather Hampton tackle one of the most powerful and challenging emotions: shame - that feeling of being self-conscious because you feel bad about yourself as a person, not just about something you did. The conversation explores how shame differs from guilt, the role of culture and religion in shaping shame responses, and why this "slippery eel" of an emotion can be so difficult to recognize and address. The hosts share deeply personal experiences with shame and offer strategies for building resilience against its spiral.
Episode Highlights:
- Heather explains the crucial distinction between guilt ("I did something bad") and shame ("I'm a bad person because I did something bad"), noting she rarely experiences shame due to growing up in an atheist household without religious or cultural shaming mechanisms
- Tina vulnerably shares how shame manifests as post-social anxiety, where she lies in bed ruminating and "looking for places where I should feel like a bad person," tracing this pattern to growing up in an authoritative household where shame was used for coercion and control, particularly around her female body during puberty
- Michelle credits her encouraging upbringing in a religious household (but with supportive parents) for giving her resilience against shame, noting how behavioral mistakes were framed as learning opportunities rather than identity-defining failures
- The hosts explore practical strategies for combating shame, including identifying adjacent emotions that are "safer to see" (like frustration instead of shame), reintroducing safety and curiosity to counteract shame's inward contraction, and practicing self-compassion
- Michelle emphasizes building resilience to shame by creating habits of self-encouragement during good moments, telling yourself "you are smoking hot today" to have reserves when the inner critic attacks, and giving friends explicit permission to call out shame patterns and offer counter-narratives of truth and support
Podcast theme music by
Dubush Miaw from
PixabayThis episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.
This episode is sponsored by
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally.
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