Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.
Some fish tackle ocean global warming by pretending it's night. It’s kind of like how most women pretend they are blind to not talk to you.
Authorities say a man caught climbing a fence at a Southern California jail was trying to get in, not out. When questioned he said he was trying to catch a rare Pokemon, called RapeAChu.
Police in New York City are searching for two men who broke into an unlocked apartment and made off with a pet bunny. The bunny is described, as small, white, angry and voiced by Kevin Hart.
Police in one New Hampshire City are trying to find out who spray painted "I'm drunk" on the side of their station over the weekend. We have no leads said the police chief as he clasped his two blue painted hands together.
Fifteen human skulls are among more than 100 items that went unaccounted for in a routine inventory at the University of Connecticut Health Center. In an unrelated story the Hillary Clinton tour bus is now outfitted with 15 skulls.
A New Jersey man is going to federal court to keep "Pokemon Go" players off his lawn. When asked about it the kids replied, “We just came to visit Grandpa.”
Nearly 100 domesticated ducks that officials say were illegally released in New Jersey are expected to be available for adoption early next week. The leading adopters include several local Chinese restaurants.
A long-time FBI employee with top secret security clearance faces up to 10 years in prison after pleading guilty to being an agent of the Chinese government. Proving once again that we get everything from China.
A pair of teen boys in New Jersey reeled in a 6-foot shark at a local beach before helping it back out to the ocean. In a related story two boys were eaten by a 6 foot shark.
A Dutch man waited in an airport for 10 days after flying to China to meet up with a woman he met on an online dating app. He did however meet up with a Nigerian price who needed help getting millions out of his country.
Pokemon Go has made its way onto the US presidential campaign trail with the staff of both major candidates appealing to users of the smartphone game to catch voters. Players have responded with questions like, “How do I catch that blonde Charizard ? or Can you even evolve an Old Jigglypuff?”
These are the jokes for August 8, 2016. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.
