Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.
A woman trying to take a picture of a dolphin at SeaWorld in Florida got her iPad snatched right out of her hands. It was upset that she kept encouraging it to twerk.
Fire officials in Washington say a resident sparked a small fire in an apartment while trying to kill cockroaches with a homemade flamethrower. He misunderstood the term home BBQ.
The Italian coast guard has rescued and revived a kitten that was drowning by using massage and mouth-to-mouth, after children on shore drew attention to its plight. When asked about how he learned such a skill the sailor stated he had attended many massage parlors.
A Chinese tourist who lost his wallet in Germany signed the wrong paperwork and ended up being placed in a refugee home. It was found he checked the box marked Syrian.
A Wisconsin man has his prosthetic leg back after the lost limb was discovered sticking out of a beaver dam by two canoers. It was the first time a pirate got his wooden leg back.
Two versions of a New Jersey man's obituary have appeared together in a newspaper — one saying he's survived by his wife, and the other saying he's survived by his girlfriend. He is just happy he did not survive otherwise he would have been killed by his wife or girlfriend.
Airline officials say they called for help after a passenger was found stowing a monkey in his shirt during a Las Vegas-bound flight. It seems Carrot Top has a new prop in his act.
The water in the Olympic diving pool was bright green on Tuesday, baffling at least one competitor who said she could not see her partner underwater, although organizers said that it did not pose any danger to health. One team was overheard being chastised by their coach for peeing in the pool.
Authorities say they've discovered what they believe is a methamphetamine lab under the parking lot of a Wal-Mart store in western New York. It was only found because unlike most Wal-Mart’s it was turning a profit.
These are the jokes for August 15, 2016. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.
