This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, March 8th, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat. Today’s guest is Christine MacDonald, Author of the memoir, Face Value, From Stripper Pole to Baring My Soul. Lorilee Binstock 00:00:38 Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock and this is A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast. Thank you so much for joining me live on Fireside chat where you can be a part of the conversation as my virtual audience. I am your host glory been stock. Everyone has an opportunity to ask me or our guest questions by requesting to hop on stage or sending a message in the chat box. I will try to get to you, but I do ask that everyone be respectful. Today's guest is Christine Macdonald's author of the book Face Value: From Stripper Pole to Baring my Soul, which actually comes out two today, And you could actually, if you are interested that scrolling fortune cookie right there in the middle of your screen, that will take you to purchase her book. Christine, thank you so much for joining me today. Christine Macdonald 00:01:43 Oh, I'm so happy to be here. Can you hear me? Lorilee Binstock 00:01:45 I can hear you perfectly. Thank you so much. Christine Macdonald 00:01:48 Yeah. Thank you. Lorilee Binstock 00:01:49 So I I wanted to get to to it because I feel like there's so much to cover with your story. You have struggled a lot with trauma as a child, which eventually led you into the adulthood repayment industry. I just wanna to know if you could just share journey a little bit with us. Christine Macdonald 00:02:08 Oh, I'm happy too. And you're right. There's there's a whole bunch of... It's like wheel Fortune named named that trauma. But here's... But here's the thing. Don't we all have something in our lives? And, of course, it's not a contest. Right? So every single one of us, I'm of the belief that we're all in recovery from something. And, of course, more, Lorilee Binstock 00:02:20 Mhmm. Christine Macdonald 00:02:29 you know, there are some people who have a a harder journey, But, yes, I've had some several traumas as a child. It really just compounded my choices that I made as a young adult, so I started out the the trauma really started when I was at age thirteen, and I just just you know, thirteen is such a tender age as it is. Right? I mean, you're a freshman in high school and Lorilee Binstock 00:02:56 Hormones. Christine Macdonald 00:02:58 exact. And so all of a sudden, and I started noticing these big blood filled cysts all over my face, my chest, my back, Lorilee Binstock 00:03:06 Well. Christine Macdonald 00:03:07 And I didn't know what was going on. And I I just kept telling my mom. This is... I don't think this is normal ask me. And, you know, God loved my mom. She just was, like, hoping it would just go away. And it didn't. So we ended up meeting to see a doctor. It turns out my diagnosis was is very, very rare. It's called Acne Michelangelo. And basically, you're it's a very severe severe form of cystic acne where normal topical solutions that this is not part of the remedy for this case. So I started seeing the doctor, and but it was too late at that point. The scars were left, and long stars short, Lorilee Binstock 00:03:47 Mhmm. Christine Macdonald 00:03:49 you know, they called me Freddie Krueger in high school. They were mer, Lorilee Binstock 00:03:51 Yeah. Christine Macdonald 00:03:52 and it was just one of those things where my value was, you know, as all of ours, I think when they're at at that young and impression age, my value was just really predicated on how people thought of me. And so when people started calling me, you know, moon face, pizza face, Freddie Kruger, my self esteem just plummeted. Lorilee Binstock 00:04:13 Mhmm Christine Macdonald 00:04:13 And so on top of that, I I reached out to any substances like could fine. And it if it was the eighties. So, you know, cocaine was the glamour drug. And so that sort of just compounded the trauma with living with this disease all over my skin and my body. And then I was sexually abused at that same year at thirteen. But I was so warped with my thinking that I I really truly thought it meant I was pretty, Like, somebody Lorilee Binstock 00:04:43 Mhmm. Christine Macdonald 00:04:44 somebody taking my virginity, somebody was giving me attention sexually, even though my face was you know, covered in these blood filled says purple golf ball size that would break open in my sleep. Lorilee Binstock 00:04:57 Mhmm. Christine Macdonald 00:04:58 So it was just a whole little. I mean, it was definitely was definitely a lot, but it... It's interesting. I mean... And I think you can attest to this. When you suffer, it trauma and, you know, you can add to that verbal and physical abuse in the house. Lorilee Binstock 00:05:16 Yeah. Christine Macdonald 00:05:17 It's just it really it shapes your choices as a young adult, And that's where I fell into the stripping world because, you know, along the heels of being called Freddie Krueger, I was nineteen years old when I was asked to do a wet t contest. So I walked into this world in Waikiki key. Right, which is such a just position because it's like, Lorilee Binstock 00:05:37 Yeah Christine Macdonald 00:05:38 supposed to be paradise, and I'm I'm going through all this darkness, but I found my beauty onstage stage because I took somebody giving me a dollar bill is a validation that I was pretty much like this sexual abuse was validation that I was pretty. So that's sort of the journey, and that's what I talk about in the book. And really, it's about how I got out of it. How I pulled myself out of that world after Lorilee Binstock 00:05:52 Mhmm. Christine Macdonald 00:06:02 a near decade of trying to find myself worth. Very long winded did answer sure for the first question? Lorilee Binstock 00:06:07 No. No. It's great. You could keep going on. Christine Macdonald 00:06:10 Yeah. Lorilee Binstock 00:06:10 But I do... You know, it kids are horrible. Teenagers are can be so horrible. I remember as a in middle school. I I had horrible teeth, my teeth actually I had teeth growing behind my teeth because my mouth was so small and so crowded. And I remember the throwing, and I tell the story a lot. I remember throwing, like, an m and m and catching it in my mouth. And I guess my mouth was open and tilted back where everyone could see, like, another like, more teeth behind my regular teeth and they were...
