What does it really mean to love someone?
The Drapers flip the script on romance by arguing that love isn't a feeling you fall into—it's an active verb demanding consistent effort. Through a bicycle analogy, they explain how relationships need constant pedaling (continuous work and intentional energy) or they'll inevitably coast to a stop. While many couples believe they've "fallen out of love," the Drapers challenge this phrase entirely, insisting love is an internal choice rather than an external force.
After twelve years of marriage, Brad and Michaela practice what they preach. They maintain regular date nights and nightly connection time, with Brad currently providing physical support for Michaela at thirty-six weeks pregnant—from counterpressure during contractions to household duties. Interestingly, they delayed having children for five and a half years to build their foundation first.
Their approach centers on avoiding scorekeeping and embracing the natural ebb and flow of partnership. Small acts matter: bringing a mixer upstairs, expressing gratitude, showing up as a team. (The butterflies of early dating aren't real love, they insist.) The greatest fulfillment comes from working through challenges together because struggle builds deeper connection. Even busy weeks reveal how quickly that spark fades without prioritization, without prioritization.
Important note:
This advice applies only to healthy relationships where both partners genuinely try—toxic or abusive situations require entirely different intervention.
Tune in to discover how choosing love as a verb can transform your relationship.
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