Hey there, stoner fam. Buckle up for a wild ride through one of the most chaotic camping trips you'll ever hear about.
So picture this: Me, my buddy's old beat-up Subaru, and enough camping gear to make Bear Grylls look underprepared. We're heading deep into the Sequoia National Forest, and I've got this brilliant idea that combining nature, some top-shelf indica, and minimal survival skills is gonna be epic.
First mistake? Thinking I could actually read a trail map while slightly... okay, completely baked. Those squiggly lines started looking like abstract art after my third joint. North? South? More like wherever this random path takes us.
About two hours into our "hike" - and I use that term generously - we're definitely lost. But here's the thing: when you're stoned and surrounded by massive redwoods, being lost feels like an adventure. The trees are breathing, the ground is pulsing, and I'm pretty sure a squirrel winked at me.
Hunger hits hard. And when I say hard, I mean apocalyptic-level munchies. Remember, we're miles from civilization with nothing but some stale trail mix and a bag of jerky that's older than my cousin's Facebook account. Desperation mode activated.
That's when survival instincts kick in. Or what passes for survival instincts when you're high as a kite. I start eyeing these mushrooms thinking, "Mario always eats random mushrooms, how bad could this be?" Thankfully, my slightly more rational brain screams "NO" just in time.
Pro tip: When lost in the wilderness, maybe don't try identifying wild mushrooms while stoned. Just a friendly PSA from your boy.
Eventually, we stumble back to the car. Not through skill, mind you, but pure dumb luck and what I'm convinced was supernatural forest guidance. The GPS decides to work again, probably just to mock us.
Lessons learned? Always bring extra snacks. Download offline maps. And maybe, just maybe, don't rely on your stoner navigation skills in the middle of nowhere.
Question of the week for all you listeners: What's your most ridiculous outdoor adventure gone wrong? Hit me up on social media and share your stories.
Next week, we're diving into a tale that involves a pizza, three raccoons, and a very confused Uber driver. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.
Stay lifted, stay safe, and always pack more munchies than you think you'll need.
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