Hey there, stoner fam! Buckle up for a wild ride through what might be the most ridiculous camping trip in recorded human history.
So picture this: Me, my buddy's ancient tent, and absolutely zero survival skills. I'm talking complete wilderness rookie mode. I'd watched like three episodes of survival shows and thought, "How hard could this camping thing be?"
Turns out, pretty freaking hard when you're completely baked and can't tell north from south, or a raccoon from your own sleeping bag.
We'd driven up to this remote campground in the Cascades, and everything started perfectly normal. Set up camp, rolled a few joints, cracked open some snacks. Classic camping setup. But then the universe decided to turn this into a comedy of errors.
First mistake? I forgot to secure the cooler. Now, I'm not talking about just leaving it unlocked. I mean I literally just set it down like a big, blue beacon screaming "FREE FOOD" to every woodland creature within a five-mile radius.
Around midnight, I hear this crazy rustling. At first, I'm thinking, "Cool, nature sounds." Then suddenly - absolute chaos. A family of raccoons had not just opened the cooler, they were having a full-on buffet party. We're talking choreographed food theft. These raccoons were more organized than my entire life.
One raccoon - I swear this is true - was wearing what looked like a little bandit mask, casually munching on my expensive artisan cheese while giving me direct eye contact. The audacity was real.
I'm trying to shoo them away, but I'm so stoned that my "intimidating" yells sound more like confused whale sounds. The raccoons? Completely unbothered. They're basically looking at me like, "Sit down, human. This is our kitchen now."
My brilliant solution? I throw a bag of marshmallows in the opposite direction, hoping for a distraction. Pro tip: Never do this. Turns out, raccoons love marshmallows even more than they love cheese.
By morning, my campsite looked like a food-based crime scene. Wrappers everywhere, half-eaten snacks, and one very satisfied raccoon family giving zero apologies.
The real kicker? I didn't even realize I'd been filming this whole disaster on my phone's time-lapse mode. When I watched it back, it was like a nature documentary directed by a stoned comedian.
Question of the week, listeners: What's your most ridiculous camping mishap? Drop those stories in the comments.
Next week, we're diving into concert chaos. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.
Stay lifted, stay awesome.
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