Hey there, fellow stoners and story enthusiasts! Buckle up for a wild ride that'll make you laugh, cringe, and maybe feel a little better about your own questionable life choices.
So picture this: It's my cousin's wedding, and I'm stuck wearing this ridiculously tight suit that feels like a fabric prison. I'm already on edge, surrounded by distant relatives who haven't seen me since I was basically a human potato. My mom's giving me that look - you know the one. The "please try to be normal" look.
Everything was going fine until cocktail hour. Now, I'm not typically a champagne guy, but when you're at a wedding and someone hands you a fancy flute, you drink. Big mistake. Huge. Because right after downing two glasses of liquid courage, I decided it was the perfect time to spark up a conversation with my ultra-conservative Uncle Frank.
For context, Uncle Frank is the kind of guy who thinks marijuana is one step away from summoning demons. And here I am, slightly buzzed, wearing a suit that's cutting off circulation to my upper body, trying to sound like a responsible adult.
"So, Uncle Frank," I start, "how about those... economics?" Smooth, right? But then my cousin's weird friend Dave appears, and he's clearly been hitting something way stronger than champagne. He looks me dead in the eye and says, "Dude, your tie is crooked. Like, existentially crooked."
I lose it. I'm trying so hard not to laugh that I snort - yes, actually snort - right in the middle of Uncle Frank's explanation about municipal bonds. The entire table goes silent. My mother looks like she wants to disappear into her cocktail.
Dave, completely oblivious, continues: "No, seriously. That tie is a metaphor for capitalism." Uncle Frank's face turns this incredible shade of red that I didn't even know was possible in human physiology.
The rest of the night is a blur of awkward conversations, desperate attempts to look normal, and me trying to avoid eye contact with basically everyone I'm related to.
Moral of the story? Maybe stick to water at family weddings. Or at least practice your "I'm a totally responsible adult" face beforehand.
Question of the week: What's your most cringe-worthy family event story? Hit me up on our socials and share your pain!
Next week, we're diving into a camping trip that went so wrong, it'll make your wilderness adventures look like a five-star resort experience. Stay lifted, stay funny, and I'll catch you on the flip side.
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This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
