Hey there, fellow tokers and tale-spinners. Buckle up for a story that's gonna make you laugh, cringe, and probably need a snack.
So picture this: I'm at my buddy's cousin's wedding - total high-society affair with crystal chandeliers, expensive champagne, and more formal wear than I've seen in my entire life. I'm already feeling out of place in my slightly wrinkled suit that I'm pretty sure I borrowed from my dad.
Now, here's the thing about weddings and me - I get nervous. Really nervous. And when I get nervous, I tend to make terrible decisions. Like deciding that right before the reception, I'm gonna take a massive edible. We're talking a chocolate bar so potent it could probably sedate an elephant.
Thirty minutes later, I'm floating. Literally floating. The room is spinning, but in like, a graceful ballet kind of way. The string quartet sounds like they're playing underwater, and everyone's movements are happening in slow motion. I'm trying desperately to look normal, which - spoiler alert - I absolutely am not.
The bride's grandfather approaches me. He's this distinguished older gentleman with perfectly pressed slacks and a look that suggests he's seen some serious shit in his day. And I? I'm sweating bullets, convinced he can see directly into my thoroughly baked soul.
"Would you like some champagne?" he asks.
What comes out of my mouth is: "I AM THE CHAMPAGNE."
Dead silence. Then, inexplicably, I start doing what I can only describe as a interpretive dance version of the Macarena, but slower. Much, much slower. My movements are so deliberate and serious that I'm pretty sure I looked like I was performing modern art, not having a complete mental breakdown at a wedding.
The dance floor clears. People are staring. My buddy is simultaneously trying not to laugh and looking like he wants to crawl into a hole and die of secondhand embarrassment.
The pinnacle of this disaster? When the wedding photographer captures this entire moment. A moment that will now live on in their wedding album forever - me, mid-bizarre-dance-move, looking like I'm simultaneously having a seizure and trying to communicate with alien life forms.
Quick listener challenge: What's your most embarrassing wedding moment? Drop it in the comments, because I promise you - it can't be worse than mine.
Next week, I've got a story about a road trip that went completely sideways. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.
Stay lifted, stay weird.
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This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
