Hey there, Bong Hit fam! Buckle up for a wild ride that'll make you laugh, cringe, and maybe question your life choices – just another day in the stoner chronicles.
So picture this: It's my cousin's wedding, right? I'm wearing this ridiculously uncomfortable suit that feels like I'm wrapped in plastic wrap, sweating through every layer. My entire extended family is here, and I'm dying inside. Literally dying.
Now, I'm not typically the type to medicate before family events, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I'd snuck a small vape pen in my jacket pocket, thinking I'd find a moment of escape during cocktail hour. What could possibly go wrong?
About an hour into the reception, I'm nodding and smiling at random relatives who keep asking, "So when are YOU getting married?" Each time, I'm dying a little more inside. That's when I decide it's time for a quick escape.
I slip out to the hotel's garden area, thinking I'm being super smooth. One tiny hit, just to take the edge off. Except, I didn't account for two major factors: the industrial-strength wedding-grade wind and my absolute lack of discretion.
The moment I take a hit, a massive gust blows directly into my face. Instead of a subtle, cool exhale, I basically do a full-lung explosion. And right at that exact moment? My entire family – and I mean ENTIRE family – walks out onto the terrace for group photos.
There I am. Standing in the garden. Completely enveloped in a massive cloud of vapor. My 87-year-old grandmother looks directly at me and says, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Is something burning?"
Cue absolute mortification.
My cousins start giggling. My aunts look scandalized. My uncle – bless him – just winks and says, "Nice technique, kid."
The photographer, bless his professional heart, just keeps snapping away. I'm pretty sure that wedding album has some legendary candid shots of me looking like a deer caught in the world's most aromatic headlights.
The rest of the night was a blur of awkward conversations, sympathetic looks, and my mother occasionally giving me that look that simultaneously says "I'm disappointed" and "We'll talk about this later."
Pro tip: Maybe don't try stealth mode at family weddings. Just saying.
Question of the week: What's your most embarrassing family event mishap? Hit me up on social media and share your stories!
Next week, we're diving into a concert experience that'll make your jaw drop. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.
Stay lifted, stay laughing, and I'll catch you next time.
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