Tonight's special guest is Terrie MacClalus from North Creek, in upstate New New York, raised as the middle child of 5. "At ten, my parents split up and we became a tug of rope," she explains. "That was also the end of my innocence and the beginning of what would become sexual harassment and a feeling of unworthiness and just feeling dirty. Shame was heavily used to teach lessons – perhaps too heavily." Since she took all her Mom's comments to heart, she didn't think she was good enough to deserve a normal, decent life, to have what others have. She tried anyway, over and over. "Since I can remember, I wanted to help children with abuse in any way I could. I was discouraged because it took 8 yrs of college and I was supposed to just take my shoes off, get married, and have kids. It's all I was raised for. I was told it was never going to happen. "I also felt abandoned," Terri said. "I learned at an early age to escape painful feelings. I turned to drink to numb my heart. Of course that didn't work but it kept a husband happy." But she always felt the shame her mother had left her with. "If sexual abuse weren't such a taboo subject maybe she would have noticed the day of the triple rape. I was 14." She goes on, "In my 50's after 11 years clean and sober, I decided I couldn't take the pressure anymore and since it was drink or leave, I left, and the addiction was waiting for me. It would take years before I would dare to try to face my life again. Today I thank God for opening my eyes when I asked Him to." Terri says she was returned to sanity and saw how wrong some of the things were as she grew up." They were things I needed to resolve. Now I want to help get resources out there for others who are wandering blindly, in the hope they won't do it for 50 years."
