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4 Not one of the family
Winter came.
The weather was cold and windy,
but sometimes when the weather was a little better I walked on the beach with the children.
Two or three times I saw Nick and he smiled and we talked a little.
I liked Nick, but I was angry with him because of Juliet, and he didn't ask me to dinner again.
School finished for Christmas, and I drove the children to a farm near Cromer to buy a Christmas tree.
After my mother and father died, Christmas was a bad time for me because I was lonely.
‘But this year,’ I thought, ‘I'm going to be with the Harvey family.
‘Perhaps I can forget about Miranda's accident and feel happy at Christmas.’
‘Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming!’ the children sang. They were very happy about Christmas.
We walked through the farm and looked at the Christmas trees.
Tim ran up and down. ‘I want this tree, Cathy!’ he called.
Then he ran up and down again. ‘I want this tree, Cathy!’ he called again.
Suddenly he ran into a tree and then fell over.
When he fell, his head hit a second tree. He began to cry.
I ran to him. There was a long cut on his head and a lot of blood.
‘Don't cry, Tim. You're going to be all right,’ I said quietly. ‘Let's go to the hospital and see the doctor.’
‘Oh no!’ cried Susan. ‘The hospital! Is Tim going to die?’
‘No, no. Tim's going to be all right. But the doctor must look at this cut on his head,’ I said.
I carried Tim to the car and drove quickly to the hospital.
After we saw the doctor, I phoned Duncan and he came to the hospital.
Susan ran to him. ‘Daddy, there was an accident, and there was a lot of blood. Is he going to die?’
Duncan sat down. His face was white, but he smiled at Susan and Tim.
‘Tim's going to be OK. Look at him! He's feeling much better now.’
Duncan put his arm around me. ‘Thank you, Cathy,’ he said. ‘You're very good with the children.
‘Beach House is a happier home now, with you there.’
Slowly we walked out of the hospital.
‘Please come home in the car with us,’ Duncan said. ‘We can come back later for your car. Please.’
I liked Duncan then, and I wanted to go with him and the children.
But I was afraid, too, because of Miranda's accident.
I didn't want to talk to him, and so I went home in my car.
The next day Juliet came to see Tim.
She played with the children and then she stayed for dinner.
After the children went to bed, she came to see me in my room.
‘I'm sorry, Cathy,’ she began. ‘I wanted to see you, but I was afraid because you're angry with me.’
‘Yes, I am angry,’ I said slowly. ‘You were my friend.
‘I went to dinner with Nick and I told you everything, But you didn't tell me about you and Nick. Why not?’
Juliet looked at me but said nothing.
‘Why didn't Nick tell me about you? Did he tell you about our dinner?’
‘Yes. I was upset, but Nick likes to talk to women.
‘He likes you and he wanted to take you to dinner. But he loves me and nothing is going to change that.’
She stopped. ‘I told Grandma about your dinner with Nick, because I didn't want you to be friends with Nick.’
‘You don't want her to know about you and Nick, but you told her about my dinner with Nick! Why? I don't understand!’
‘I'm sorry. I love him very much; he's everything to me.
‘But our love is a secret. Duncan hates Nick, and I don't want him to know about our love.’
‘There are a lot of secrets in this family,’ I said. ‘Secrets about you and Nick.
‘Secrets about Miranda. Why didn't you tell me about Miranda's accident?’
‘How do you know about that?’ Juliet asked.
‘I went to the library and read about it in the newspapers.’
Juliet stood up. ‘Nobody talks about Miranda's accident,’ she said. ‘Nobody saw her when she fell down the stairs.’
I wanted to ask about Duncan. I wanted to ask: ‘Why did the police question Duncan?’ but I was afraid of the answer.
‘Well, I don't like living with all these secrets,’ I said. ‘Every time I go downstairs I remember Miranda.’
Juliet laughed then, and it was a cold laugh.
‘We all live with that, Cathy. You're not one of the family; you're not going to fall downstairs.’
Tim felt better the next day, and in the afternoon Duncan took the children back to the farm to buy the Christmas tree.
And then I phoned Nick. ‘I want to talk to you,’ I said quietly. ‘I need to talk to someone.’
‘Mmm,’ said Nick. ‘Let's meet on the beach. At three o’clock.’
I waited in my room and listened to the sea and the wind.
Perhaps Juliet was with Nick. I didn't know, but I needed to talk to someone about the Harvey family.
I walked slowly across the field and down the hill to the beach.
It was a cold afternoon and there was a strong wind. The sea was dark.
Nick wasn't there; perhaps he didn't want to talk to me. But in the end he arrived.
‘What's the matter?’ he asked.
‘I talked to Juliet last night,’ I began. ‘About Miranda.
‘I don't know why, but I feel afraid. What do you know about Miranda's accident?’
‘The police questioned Duncan,’ Nick said. His blue eyes looked past me.
Suddenly his face changed. ‘Duncan's here. Did you tell him to come?’
‘No, I didn't. He left the house before I called you.’
Duncan ran down the hill. ‘Cathy!’ he called.
‘What are you doing here?’ Nick said angrily. ‘Cathy wants to talk to me.’
‘Cathy, come home,’ Duncan said quietly.
‘She's not going back with you. She's afraid of you.’
‘Afraid of me? Why?’ I said nothing. Duncan's face was angry.
‘Why don't you tell us about Miranda?’ Nick asked. His face was angry, too.
‘I want to ask you something. The police questioned you, Duncan. What did you tell them about that night?’
‘So you're asking me about Miranda,’ Duncan shouted. ‘You remember Miranda, then?
‘Well, I remember, too. I remember her every day.’
Duncan looked at me, and then back at Nick. ‘You think I killed Miranda? Go to the police, then, and tell them that.
‘Yes, I hated her, and I hated you, too, Nick. She wanted to leave me and the children because of you.
‘She loved you. She told me that. But did you love her, Nick?’
‘Of course I didn't,’ Nick said. His face was red.
‘I liked Miranda. We went to dinner four or five times, that's all. She was lonely.’
He looked at me. His eyes were very blue, but suddenly I didn't like his eyes and I didn't like his face.
‘She wanted to leave me and her children, but you didn't love her,’ Duncan said.
‘You loved her sister. I know that. But Miranda didn't know about you and Juliet. Why didn't you tell her?’
I didn't want to listen. I felt ill and very cold,
and I began to walk back up the hill.
I wanted to go home, but where was my home? I didn't have one.
