In which Young Southpaw posits that Stephen Hawking must have been touched by the hand of Van Halen’s Fair Warning. Taking in the nature of water, snow, Boston Celtics, Celtic Frost, TLC, a vast array of alcoholic beverages, Van Hagar, snake wine, and the film Titanic. “Welcome to this third installment of The Young Southpaw Part Of An Hour. I hope you meditated on my koan from last time, you know. The water implied in that Melissa Etheridge song was of course, you know the Moon. You know, by the light of the Moon that she’s singin’ like that. All full of feelin’ and stuff. You know, the Moon controls the tides so Boom, there ya go… Well there I was you know… Wait, now what did I wanna talk about now? Oh yeah, another water song… You know that one by TH, TLC… what was I thinkin’ of? ‘Don’t Go Chasin’ Waterfalls’? Well I mean I love TLC, you know. Saw em live at the Boston Garden, back right after a snowstorm. Snow was piled real high outside the cars. Well not that high, ‘pretty’ high, you know it was January. But one time I was in Boston – I wasn’t livin’ there anymore – went up to visit after the blizzard of 2013 and the snow was piled over the cars. It was 7 feet tall, it was insane. The snow coulda played for the Celtics, you know like that band Celtic Frost. Then there’d be the issue though of the way you pronounce the ‘C’ – hard or soft – like tacos you know. And then maybe an issue about Celtic Frost being a Canadian metal band and not technically in the National Basketball Association. Now wait just a second, Celtic Frost were Swiss, I’m thinkin’ of Voivod. They’re from Canada, you know like the Expos and Toronto Blue Jays. But those are baseball teams not basketball, but you just add a K and a T to baseball and voila, as they say in the French speakin’ parts. That’s a hard K like in Celtic Frost and not like Boston Celtics. But you know all that snow kinda relates to the song I wanna talk about… because… if the snow starts meltin’ real fast we would be getting’ some waterfalls, you know… But my problem is – and again don’t get me wrong – nothin’ against THC, but ‘don’t go chasin’ waterfalls’ I mean, ya know… Waterfalls don’t move, you know. It’s always in the same exact geographical location. I mean the water moves. I mean if it said don’t go chasin’ the water in waterfalls, you know. It would kinda make sense. But I mean don’t go chasin’ water anywhere. I mean the water’s fallin’ but it’s still movin’ like it’s in a river or something, you know. I mean Stone Roses had that song ‘Waterfall’, that was real good, you know, I love that first Stone Roses album… But uh you know, uh, I just don’t understand. That song, the THC one, was a huge hit. But it’s not gonna scan if you say ‘don’t go chasin’ the water in waterfalls’ cause you repeat water, sayin’ it twice, you know. That’s kinda redundant, not an oxymoron like, like I said it wasn’t in that first episode. Anyway I remember seein’ them at the Boston Garden, this was in January, then when my birthday rolled around in April I had my birthday cd shopping list and I had, well I think I had T Boz’s solo record on there. Already owned that crazy CrazySexyCool album, and you know what? I even had the Ain’t Too Proud To Beg cassingle cassette when it came out, you know, two spools one tape little cardboard box, heck of a long thing to name a product… But you know, I had that album on my birthday shopping list and I went to my birthday party and someone saw it and they were joshin’ me about it and I stood up and just said ‘I love THC’… But I didn’t have as much of a problem with the Waterfalls song then as I do now. Now that I’ve had decades to reflect on it. You know years go by, flowin’ like the sands of time, like the water in a waterfall…like the liquid in a waterfall. That’d be an even worse song title – don’t go chasin’ the liquid in waterfalls. Might get confusin’. I mean people dump their, well people pee in water. That’s inappropriate to have a pop song on the rad...
