Welcome to episode 20 of "Your Encore Life". In this episode we are continuing our series on finding joy. We have discussed the difference between happiness and joy, The Joy Model from the book with the same name with the emphasis on being and doing and the importance of balance between those. Episode 18 we began talking about the acronym MASTER from the Joy Model, with the importance of having "M"argin in your life. Episode 19 we talked about "A"bide, or to be with or live with, referring to making God the center of our lives. Today we will be talking about the S in MASTER, which is self-awareness.
An article by Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. in Psychology Today, they state Self-awareness involves, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. It is important, because it's a major mechanism influencing personal developmentSelf-awareness involves monitoring our stress
Self-awareness requires self-examination to become more aware of your strengths and weaknesses regarding your well-being). Be aware, though, that an honest, non-judgmental self-analysis isn't easy. We tend to berate ourselves for our failings or fantasize about how great we are, when neither is actually the case. We all have a mix of good and bad traits, but we are largely unaware of them. In order to self-reflect objectively, we need to quiet our minds and open our hearts, forgiving ourselves for our imperfections and offering ourselves kudos, but only where we deserve them.
Increasing self-awareness of false attitudes or inappropriate behaviors requires peace of mind, time, attention and focus. Knowing ahead of time that we can indeed change in positive ways through deeper self-awareness makes it worth working on those personal qualities we most value. But first we must look within ourselves through self-examination to see what's there, which is often less obvious than we think.
In the book "The Joy Model" that I have been using as a guideline for this series, Jeff Spadafora say self-awareness "is more than just knowing your skills and talents. It's about knowing how you relate to God, how you communicate with others, how you think and process information, what things you avoid, what you are passionate about, and other components the are unique to you. He goes on and talks about the false attitudes as a false self, saying it "is a character, personality, title, position, and identity that we have built up for public display over the years. The energy we put into portraying this False Self to the world is rooted in the emotions of fear, anger, shame, guilt, greed, pride, lust, jealousy, etc." "People only detach from these emotions and the False Self when they are confident they have a safety net of God's love to fall into.
Why do we create this False Self for a public display? Why can't we be comfortable with who we are, who God created us to be. The realization that God loves us unconditionally and invites us to come as we are to Him gives me a tremendous sense of calm and peace. I know how often I have used my False Self to be accepted, to make an impression, to try to climb the corporate ladder, to make people like me or impress them. We seek acceptance so much that we often stifle our true selves. If we can rest in the acceptance that the all powerful Creator of the Universe loves us as we were created to be by Him, we can give up the False Self and experience joy as our True Self.
The article in Psychology Today I referenced earlier writes of several ways we can build self-awareness. They include:
There are many assessments that can help you become more self-aware. One of my favorites is the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment. I am a certified Strengths Champion Coach and truly believe that this assessment has tremendous value in clarifying your strengths and how to best utilize them and how to manage what may be weaknesses while focusing on your strengths. There are many others as well, such as the DISC profile and the Enneagram, which has gained popularity of late. If you would like to discuss any of this with me please reach out. I will offer my podcast listeners a special on the Clifton Strengths assessment and a 60 minute coaching session to clarify your results.
Spadafora warns that "if you are truly honest as you examine yourself, you will start to get some clarity on what to do at both the spiritual (being) and practical (doing) levels, but rarely will you get full clarity. The temptation for many is to stay in the introspection mode of building self-awareness for too long." He refers to this as "perpetual naval gazing".
Bob Buford in his book "Halftime", suggests doing what he refers to as "low cost probes" that move you from introspection to action. Things such as volunteering to serve meals at a homeless shelter if your heart aches for the homeless, or at a pregnancy center that promotes life if abortion breaks your heart as it does the heart of Jesus. If kids that don't have a father figure or are on the foster care system tugs at your heart, be a mentor to a kid through the school system or local foster care program.
As you become more in tune with your true self, start dreaming again. The sad truth is that most adults stop dreaming when they reach their mid 20's.
Action Item: Write down your answer to the following question: If time, money, and failure weren't obstacles, what would you do with your life?
That is a powerful question to ponder, but allow yourself to dream again.
Join us next week we will be talking about the "T" in the acronym MASTER, which is treasure.
Resources:
What is Self-Awareness, and How do You Get It?: Psychology Today
Half Time Institute: The Joy Model and HalfTime
