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The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E11 - Three-Legged WrestlingAs we discuss this episode, there are really only about a dozen possible conversation topics, once you really get to think about it. Once you've exhausted the possibilities of bees, vehicles, bees in vehicles... well, it's time to finally finish what we started way back in our first ever episode, and lay to rest once and for all the contentious matter of how to fix sport! Join us as we cook up a tasty melange of Squid Game and the Triwizard Tournament, then finish up with everybody's favourite dessert: the nauseatingly-named Hyper-Fake-Icals (documentary edition). Which one of these true...2022-01-181h 38The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E10 - Love Triangle with a WeregooseEver since that first time an audience got freaked out by a train, we've been fascinated by the ol' moving pictures. But have we done all we can with this inspiring medium? As ever, the answer is a resounding no. Sure, we could keep just re-releasing superhero sequels and live-action remakes of animated classics, but the modern audience demands so much more. Join us as we explore genre-busting twists on classic tales, play with the paper-thin distinction between horror and romance, and discover that, as usual, almost everything is better in the imagination of a child. 2021-07-311h 16The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E9 - Shotput XylophoneIf music be the food of love, then it's time to put love on a diet. Honestly, this stuff'll clog your arteries. We've heard your chart pops, your synth beats and your hard rocks, and honestly none of them are quite cutting the mustard. As is reliably the case, the status quo needs shaking up, and we've got the ol' Disrupt-o-matic all revved up and ready to go. We're talking Non-Fungible-Tracks, concerts so intimate they barely exist, and unwieldly cylinders of rich, malleable wax. Music used: "Joey's Formal Waltz - Unscented" and March of the S...2021-07-221h 02The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E8 - Toy Story TruePlastic pals that come alive. Every kid's dream, right? Sneaking around your bedroom at night, getting into mischief. What could possibly go wrong. Join us as we take a deep dive into what the world might actually look like if a) the Toy Story films were 100% true and b) the cat was out of the bag (or toy was out of the box, or whatever). If you haven't seen any of the films then... spoilers I guess. But the point is, the toys come alive when nobody's looking. You get it. Music used: "Ethernight Club" an...2021-07-0259 minThe Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E7 - Call an Ambulance, I'm Wrapped in Felt!You may not like it, but this is what peak human performance looks like. Squat, scaly forms heaving their metallic bulk over the scorched landscape. Gradually slowing, slowing, slowing down as the precious heat leaves their blood. As they grind to a stately halt, a majestic crest extends! Up, up it reaches, a salute to the heavens, a mute appeal to a nameless god, a conduit for the light, the life, the precious power.At least, that'd probably be the case if the Earth was covered in constant lightning storms. Also your energy bill would likely be...2021-06-051h 48The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E6 - Batman's Delusion GogglesAccording to The Matrix, they had to trap everyone in a simulation that mirrored real life - as opposed to a perfect digital utopia - because when they tried the latter for Matrix 1.0, the collective minds of humanity rejected it. That does seem like an appropriate punchline to the cosmic joke that is consciousness, and if you look around at the simulations we build for ourselves to get lost in, you can kind of see their point. Our digital playgrounds tend to feature more threat, drudgery and capitalism than we might expect of paradise, but heck if we don't...2021-05-1056 minThe Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E5 - Nazi Zombie Army: Sniper Elite (in Space) Pride and Prejudice 3 - The ReturnThere are two types of people: 1) those who will one day be zombies, and 2) those who will one day be their food. Pretty sure we read that on an inspirational bumper sticker or something. Then I guess you've got the oh-so-badass survivors (let's call them 3), many of whom end up as number 2) by the end of the movie anyway, so the few who don't are really a negligible statistical anomaly. So you know what forget 3, they don't deserve their own category. And now that we think about it, most of the time the bizarre biology of the living dead...2021-04-201h 03The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E4 - Shovelling Gravel into an OstrichDon't get us wrong, we love dogs. And horses, horses are great. Actually, since they basically occupy the middle of that Venn diagram, it's possible we love greyhounds most of all. But that's not the point - the point is, what if humans hadn't been able to base their early civilisation around the domestication of such familiar species, and had to branch (and trunk, and root, and tunnel and river) out instead?Picture a bucolic farmyard scene. Under a blue sky, amid rolling hills, sheep graze peacefully like earthbound clouds. But what's that bounding towards them over...2021-04-1153 minThe Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E3 - Beef LightningHeaven forbid we ever engage in anything approaching continuity on this programme, but looking at this and last episode it's possible to start noticing a theme. And it's 'misinformation', which is probably bang on the mark for our brand! This time, rather than confirming conspiracy theories for fun and profit, we set about justifying that other mainstay of fake news: spurious correlations. You know when the graph they flash up looks so clear, so neat and obviously true that you can't possibly question it? And sometimes that graph is showing you how the local divorce rate is inextricably linked to...2021-04-021h 00The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E2 - Lucy in the Sky with DinosaursWe all know you have to check your facts in this age of misinformation. You've gotta do your due diligence, be appropriately sceptical. You don't just lap up the fake news that the mainstream media is trying to feed you. No no, you open a new tab, run a quick search, open up to two (2) of the results from the first page, skim the headline and scroll down to the last sentence and see if they look like they agree with the first thing you saw. Or at least if the stock photo gives you a positive vibe. Or y...2021-03-211h 13The Hyper Theticals PodcastS3E1 - Long-Range DentistryWhat would happen if the mechanical contrivances upon which we rely ever more heavily were to betray us - their hapless, trusting creators - with no warning or mercy, and indulge in a twisted mockery of their intended purpose? What if, in fact, all machines did the exact opposite of what they were built for, 1% of the time? Picture a world where the 1% isn't just the hated pinnacle of the socio-economic pyramid, but also the very real possibility that your flight back home won't be taking off today as scheduled, but will instead bury you deep within the Earth.2021-03-151h 37The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E12 - Black Friday Battle DroidsHow do we save the High Street? On occasion, gentle listeners, even the highly trained hogwashers at Hyper Theticals Inc. cannot avoid being a little topical. We stand, ever vigilant, as your stalwart defenders against the vile incursions of "current events" and "useful information". We think you will agree there is far, far too much of that around already. Nevertheless, we cannot turn a blind eye when there is a chance our invigorating insights, delivered at such a crucial juncture in the manner of a vaccine, might make the difference. Music used: "March of the Sp...2020-11-281h 14The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E11 - The Big Book of Lesbian Horse StoriesWhat if growing larger wasn't a tradition your bones gave up on in your twenties? Bellies and ears and stuff keep it going, sure, but we can probably all agree it isn't the same. Well, what if we told you you could just keep getting taller, your whole life? Well guess what! With our revolutionary new Hyper Theticals Gene Tonic (TM) , y- wait. No. That's not a real thing.Sorry, forgot what it was we do here for a moment. Not a bad idea though, must run it by the chaps in the lab. In the meantime...2020-11-081h 22The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E10 - Hufflepuffs Are Full of PhlegmPfft, scientists. Do they ever get anything right? We don't know and frankly, we don't trust them enough to ask. What we do know is that history is littered with their whopping boners (that's an archaic term for blunder, so get your minds out of the gutter).That's right, these know-it-alls have been telling us what's what for time immemorial, including that some types of geese are born from shellfish rather than being, as we all know, ugly ducklings that finally got tired of all the bullying and used their resentment to fuel their growth and rage.2020-10-1858 minThe Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E9 - Heat Map of a JimWe like to think we're on the pulse of what's new and fresh here at Hyper Theticals. And we bring that sexy innovation to you, the listener! Well there's this hot new thing called Climate Change, maybe you've heard of it. Now call us crazy, but we think maybe, just maybe, it might be bad. So: how fix? It'll come as no surprise to you, dear listeners, that we have some great ideas. Consider a space dumb-waiter, or the simple reverse-chimney. We can look forward to making our own Saturn-style rings of frozen carbon shards, alongside of course the...2020-07-181h 02The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E8 - The Dog TurbineWhat old products or recipes can we re-brand to make them attractive for a modern audience? This week, we take a stroll through the orchard of history, and pluck up some weird old fruit in hopes that contemporary appetites are ready for a little exotic flavour. And some of it really is quite plucked up, believe me. Put aside your squeamishness however - weevil larvae are nothing if not good, honest protein, and there's very little you can't (slightly) improve by putting it in a jelly. Tune in to find out how the Victorians made waves in their bathtubs...2020-07-041h 21The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E7 - Blimp My RideWhat single invention, if edited out of the timeline of our history, would have the most interesting effect on our modern world? I know I know, but forget about the obvious ones - we won't be talking about essentials like fidget spinners and pet rocks. They say necessity is the mother of invention, but what we've learned is that you don't actually *need* flushing toilets or the printing press. In fact, the absence of such crutches would probably enrich our moral fibre. Also, somewhere out there is a parallel universe where we didn't screw things up, and the noble...2020-06-281h 13The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E6 - You're Not the Real Gandhi!Are alien invaders best scared away by angry moon faces or giant space mirrors? Friends, we'd better figure it out before they run out of commonplace Earth pathogens and substances to be fatally vulnerable to. In the meantime, best to keep all your food in airtight containers and, when in doubt, hide behind the sofa and pretend not to be home.More pressingly, what if our memories weren't erased as we were serially reincarnated? Would you ever recover from the trauma of birth after death after birth? Or come to that, from the embarrassment of the various...2020-06-211h 07The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E5 - AppenstanceThere's almost nothing you can't do on your phone these days. Each app is a handheld miracle!Receive troubling news alerts for things you didn't know you should care about? Absolutely.Obsessively stalk your ex, developing encyclopedic knowledge of all their new friends and interests? Check.Convert legitimately valuable currency into barrels of berries, with the ability to make otherwise unplayable games merely mediocre? You'd better believe it.Get stalked by a creepy owl for not eating your verbtables? Oh yes indeed.But what apps are we still, as...2020-06-051h 02The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E4 - Flim Flam FilmAh, television. Like a sprawling oak, its foliage almost blocking out the sky. Even the single branch of "reality TV" is so long-established as to be massive, really a tree in its own right. Surely there can be no further room for growth? Well, we'll see. We're pretty sure we can find a bit more low-hanging fruit. Or acorns, or whatever. Consider such guaranteed instant hits as "Hate Island", "Come Dine with Me: Last Meal on Death Row" and "Criminal Eye for the Undercover Spy". You'll be wishing this was real rea...2020-05-301h 27The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E3 - Asteroid HugsDo giant space rocks mean us harm, or just want to be friends? Perhaps they're only dangerous to reptiles of unusual size. Find out on this episode, and more importantly discover the many ways in which those ancient lizards, while large and awesome, proved themselves terribly under-prepared.Then, dare to dream - but in a limited fashion. If we started society again but limited ourselves to a single human template, what would happen? Is anyone truly ready to be the sole representative of their species? Could any one person be boring enough to infinitely tessellate? ...2020-05-2255 minThe Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E2 - Clifford the Big Red WhaleThere is a pronounced tendency for evolution to try to make crabs. That's not a joke, there's literally a scientific term for it: carcinisation. If that doesn't tickle your pincers, then I don't know what will. The conundrum that bedevils us this week features good ol' humanity though - what if we'd taken the aquatic turn on the genetic highway, instead of mucking around in trees and such? Gather around the volcanic vent and grab a kelpmallow to roast, as we unfold a fishy yarn or two. Deep dive over, we'll surface to the refreshing groundedness of doomsday preppers...2020-05-171h 07The Hyper Theticals PodcastS2E1 - Rick Astley, Galaxy TrotterSeason 2, ladies and gentlemen! We've returned from our long hiatus with renewed vigour, and we're not about to put up with any lazy, lethargic theticals around here. It's time to hype up or go home! This episode, Andy and Adriano consider what artefacts of our society will eventually confuse the heck out of future historians and archaeologists. We advocate lodging hermit crabs in human skulls and turning political prisoners into benches, before moving on to an even more pressing question: how do we save the cinema industry? If it can't be done with Russian-roulette screenings and the careful application...2020-05-101h 07
The Hyper Theticals PodcastS1E12 - Air B'n'BenchWe kick things off with another rousing round of Hyper-fake-icals (better segment name still pending). It turns out a 'spendthrift' spends wastefully and to 'suppurate' means to discharge pus - who said learning can't be fun? Not nearly as fun as generating convincing falsehoods, but that goes without saying. Once the salmon are done singing some psalm songs, we turn our prodigious enthusiasm to revolutionising hotels. Picture stacks of drugged guests in water-soluble clothes, nudists being fried by concentrated sunbeams, infinite labyrinths and a complete absence of time. Music used:"Maple Leaf Rag", "Frog L...2020-05-031h 20
The Hyper Theticals Podcast011 - The Million Hound DropThis week we enlist animals to deliver exfoliating treatments, discover that beauty is in the belly of the leech, and draw faces on your teeth to anger shrimp. Having invented what might possibly be the exact opposite of beekeeping, we relax by trying to figure out which game show ideas could possibly be more unreal than some of the stuff that's already aired in Japan. Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pri...2020-04-251h 15
The Hyper Theticals Podcast010 - Underwater Slip 'n' SlideBrought to you from the HT vault, recorded in a simpler time.Andy and Adriano explore what might happen if nobody could stay indoors at all. We struggle to conduct meetings in fields, invent zorbing theatre, and funnel Londoners down a lubricated tube. Andy makes what may well be the car pun of the century. Having disintegrated the plane for your comfort and convenience, we land in the downy softness of forgetting literally everything every six months.Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by...2020-04-0455 min
The Hyper Theticals Podcast009 - Roller Coaster Thai-FoodAs an entrée, Adriano and Andy oxymoronically and unequivocally determine the next big hipster trend. Once your appetite is duly whetted, or whatever, buckle in for the main course. Expect dizzying heights, crushing lows, and a whole heap o' nausea as we explore that fascinating fusion of feast and frolic: fairground rides designed to provide nourishment (forcibly if necessary). Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2018-10-291h 13
The Hyper Theticals Podcast008 - Endless TeethAdriano and Andy lose some their most basic abilities, topple babies and catch tiny buses, and fail to jettison any useless body parts. Also: rationing your emotions, there's an app for that. Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2018-08-301h 14
The Hyper Theticals Podcast007 - I Wish It Could Be Cultmas Every DayAndy & Adriano disabuse themselves of manifold childhood myths, plumb the murky depths of gainful adolescent employment and pay it forward by educating the next generation about blood sacrifice. Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0"Cuban Sandwich" & "March of the Spoons"http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2018-07-301h 06
The Hyper Theticals Podcast006 - A Preponderance of Dogs and EyesAndy and Adriano fail to cultivate bananas in a robotic future, crown cartoon monarchs, and take a village to train the worst possible leader. Join them as they feast on fascinating, fresh and occasionally fake new words, and finally take their revenge on a cruel world.Music used from Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com, used under Creative Commons licence 3.0: "Cuban Sandwich","Jalandhar", "Mystic Force" & "News Theme" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2018-06-151h 24
The Hyper Theticals Podcast005 - Sliding to New YorkAndy and Adriano plot to tattoo people full of plants and consensually conjoin sets of neo-twins. Meanwhile most if not all things turn green, and we realise that really the only way to go is catapults.Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2018-05-061h 17
The Hyper Theticals Podcast004 - CSI Love YouIn this distinctly un-topical episode of the Hypertheticals podcast, Adriano and Andy mine childhood fiction for presidential candidates to usurp the current crop, inadvertently discover the secret to a crime-based utopia, discuss sequels and prequels that should remain firmly on the cutting room floor, and embark on an unneccesary dissection of Hollywood's favourite Oscar-chaser's filmography.Things may have changed a little in this cursed world since this episode was recorded a year or two ago. In fact, you could say literally nothing discussed is of any contemporary relevance whatsoever. Think of this as a blurred snapshot of a...2018-04-0252 min
The Hyper Theticals Podcast003 - Isaac Newton Hates ApplesThis time on the Hypertheticals podcast, Adriano and Andy discuss the pros and cons of gravity, discover trendy new ways to tell the future, and find out which famous scientist would come out on top in a rumble arena.Music used:Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2018-03-061h 00
The Hyper Theticals Podcast002 - I've Had Enough of AlligatorsIn which Adriano and Andy discuss the ramifications of an entirely invisible population, the problems with Harry Potter, and propose some... alternative superheroes.Music used:"Chillin Hard", "Cuban Sandwich" & "Hidden Past" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2018-02-2158 min
The Hyper Theticals Podcast001 - Covered in BeesIn their debut episode, Adriano and Andy discuss the silliness of similes, alien attitudes towards Brexit, bionically augmented sports, and their future careers as famous and extremely pretentious artists.Music used:"Chillin Hard", "Myst on the Moor", "Cuban Sandwich" & "Hidden Past" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2017-11-2641 min