Shows
Oh, Sister!God Will Protect Youcw: discussion of stalking & fear of violenceI always thought of missionaries as unstoppable messengers for God, and grew up hearing stories of how missionaries were miraculously saved from scary situations. This week, we see my cultural idea of missionary invincibility crash up against the reality of being a young woman with an obedient heart and zero tolerance for conflict. In week twenty-nine, my journal entries include splurging on artisan chocolate treats, dealing with one companion’s broken bone, and desperately gaslighting myself that I felt fine and safe after a scary inte...2025-07-291h 15Oh, Sister!The Trunky Trio TripanionshipAlthough the standard grouping for missionaries is “two by two,” sometimes things come up and suddenly you’re in a TRIO. I’m kicking things off by explaining some of the ups and downs of being in a trio, as well as being with missionaries who are soon to go home.In week twenty-eight, my journal entries include actually going on a recreational hike on P-day, teaching a member with connections to a biker gang, and easily breaking into our apartment after locking ourselves out.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/Ally...2025-07-2151 minOh, Sister!Pink Washing & The Necessary Superiority of EldersWelcome to season 2! In line with my transfer to a new area, I start things out with an explanation of “pink washing,” leading into the patriarchal gender dynamics between Sisters and Elders. I found a fascinating historical timeline of LDS Sister Missionaries that was written in response to the lowering of age limits for missionary service. Dr. Radke-Moss posited that Sister Missionaries might be treated with more respect than was normal in the historical precedent; I’ll leave it up to you whether or not you believe this came true.In week twenty-seven, my journa...2025-07-141h 07Oh, Sister!In God’s Imagecw: mention of dental workAs a young woman trying to find myself as a sister missionary, I had a deep yearning to find my spiritual purpose—to not only feel my connection to the divine, but to see myself in the divine. Unfortunately, the Mormon theological world has almost no female representation. I’ll discuss how this environment of male-centric authority figures and spiritual philosophies lead to my increased self abandonment, as I tamped down every part of myself that didn't fit perfectly into the Church’s mould for women.This week’s...2025-07-071h 30Oh, Sister!Snake Oil Skepticism & Priesthood Blessingscw: incidents of racism, discussion of racismPeople tend to believe that “educated” and “intelligent” people would never be tricked into falling for a scam, but it turns out that we are all prone to blind spots when it comes to what is near and dear to the heart. I focus in on this idea, using the example of believing in literal spiritual healing while maintaining skepticism towards alternative essential oil medicine.This week’s journal entries include coming down with strep, getting a free haircut, & listening to uncomfortable conversations steeped in racist bel...2025-06-301h 22Oh, Sister!The Widow's MiteI’ve been saying for a while now that I want to discuss ableism and today I’m officially starting that discussion, with a focus on how the Church interacts with its elderly members. Spoilers—the church encourages the congregation to give to the church generously, while also discouraging “handouts” from the church back to the Ward members.This week’s journals include meeting a darling elderly widow, doubling down on the importance of corporate “key indicator” goals, and making pie for a random man because I am a woman and he is a man. : /Suppor...2025-06-161h 15Oh, Sister!(Financial) Sacrifice Brings Forth the Blessings of HeavenWe all know that “you can buy anything in this world with money” ; ), and “nothing is free.” You might think that at least going on a two-year proselyting mission for the LDS church would be free but you’d be wrong! I start today’s episode by breaking down the basics of financing a mission, with a focus on the Missionary Support Fund.This week’s journals include stressing out over a probable promotion, spacing out during my second baptism due to said stress, and eating gummy bears that tasted like cleaning products. Su...2025-05-261h 11Oh, Sister!Not for the Body or Bellycw: discussion of restrictive eating, eating disorders, fatphobia, racism, diet culture strategies such as calorie countingDue to my journal’s constant focus on restrictive eating, it’s time we face the beast and learn about the history of fatphobia. The Church has not been silent on the topic of what is “healthiest” for people, especially women, to feed and do with their bodies, and I’m going to push back on how this messaging is not only incorrect but also harmful.This week’s journals include repenting for the sin of eating sugar...2025-05-191h 33Oh, Sister!Put Your Shoulder to the Wheelcw: mention of dental problems, discussion of restrictive eating Today we dive into the expectations of missionary WORK, reading sections of the White Handbook and Preach My Gospel that taught me to work myself to the bone, without proper rest or self care.This week’s journals include teaching my first lesson to a “drunk” investigator, reveling in the surprise visit from my mission president and his wife, and discovering the reason the Lord sent me to Scranton.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMak...2025-05-121h 47Oh, Sister!Blessed are the Hatemakerscw: discussion of homophobia, mention of violent death & su*cide, of food restriction, & discussion of dental problems I kick things off today by discussing the LDS Church’s practice of demanding people play nice while simultaneously kicking them while they’re down. Politely, of course. I reference a news broadcast they did in 2015 that is focused on the topics of "religious freedom and nondiscrimination," but this wasn't just a single card in their hand—this is the playbook.This week’s journals include briefly freezing the pipes in our apartment’s kitchen, getting so m...2025-05-051h 13Oh, Sister!Love Bombing & The Missionary Lessons Today I’ll begin to cover the topics taught in the missionary lessons, as well as the instructions on how missionaries are to interact with people they teach. And, I’ll make my case for how these practices line up with the idea of undue influence, or coercive control, by using tactics like love bombing and withholding critical information. This week’s journals include calling my past self out for wasting time watching Netflix, developing a new unhealthy obsession with the popular missionary talk The Character of Christ, and finding my companion’s lost (!!!!) nametag.Support...2025-04-281h 41Oh, Sister!Good, Better, and BestAccording to my mission leaders, there was not only a right and a wrong option for every choice, but there was always a good, better, and best choice. Today I discuss how this kind of thinking encourages religious scrupulosity. This week’s journals include a surprisingly low number of active young single adults in the area, several days of infuriating illness that kept preventing me from working hard, and the discovery of one of our “golden” investigators.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donati...2025-04-211h 38Oh, Sister!The Baptismal Interviewcw: mention of r*pe, inc*st, discussion of abortionIn line with this week’s focus on an investigator preparing for her baptism, today I’ll talk about one of the requirements for baptism into the LDS Church: the Baptismal Worthiness Interview. Since my investigator was a woman, I’ll focus in on the interview’s focus of female sexual purity. This week’s journal entries include actually written-out doubt about the inspiration to do missionary work in Ellendale, getting amped up by how cool a middle-aged member is since he wears a CTR ring...2025-04-141h 28Oh, Sister!The Patriarchy: A Proclamation to the Worldcw: spouse abuse & murder, diet culture, child endangermentI believe that Mormon theology enshrines patriarchy as god-given doctrine, and I will die on this hill! Today we’re learning about the document The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and I discuss misogyny, patriarchy, feminism, and how they tie into the church’s teachings. In week sixteen, my journal includes the affirmation of conditional love and homophobia (barf!), more stressing about not being a good enough missionary, and a show-down between my companionship vs. our missionary leaders. Spoilers, we were the ones to back down...2025-04-071h 53Oh, Sister!Don't You Dare Go HomeCW: discussion of dying for the church, food insecurity, food restriction. We start this week off with a reflection on a classic Elder Holland address to missionaries, with the chilling threat that "I have chains in every room." Yes, really! And of course, in this fifteenth week’s journal entries we once again come across the Mormon Message “Mountains To Climb,” so we’ll look into that message as well. This week’s experiences include the loss of my first-ever investigator, a fast from “disobedience,” the assistance of a family moving in -10 degree winter weather...2025-03-311h 45Oh, Sister!Suffer the Children to SufferCW: heavy swearing. discussion of child abuse, child endangerment, violence, death, food insecurity, food restriction. In line with some darker themes that begin to pop up in this week’s journal entries, today I’m beginning with a brief recap of the LDS Church’s history of dealing with both perpetrators and survivors of abuse, children in particular. In addition to the heartbreaking situation that inspired today’s rant, this fourteenth week’s journal entries include putting a positive spin on running out of money for groceries, dealing with true North Dakota winter temperatures, and daydream...2025-03-241h 56Oh, Sister!'Tis the Season for ConversionCW: discussion of child abuse, discussion of over eating & food restrictionIt’s Christmas time! In this episode I’ll begin by explaining what Christmas means for missionaries—spoiler alert, it’s not a day to rest or party. After discussing the He is the Gift campaign, I’ll read the exhortations from my mission president about what to do during the Christmas season. This thirteenth week’s journal entries include facing my first Christmas away from home as a missionary, dealing with a scheduled baptism imperiled by sudden illness, and reckoning with the strict rules...2025-03-171h 05Oh, Sister!Approved (& Unapproved) Reading MaterialToday I dial into the concept of the Mormon church’s list of Approved Reading Materials for missionaries, which includes a small “Missionary Reference Library” and not much else. With the help of the beloved BITE model, I argue that this is yet another aspect of inappropriate control which led to my unhealthy personal development. This twelfth week’s journal entries include a day of distraction due to a “Ke$ha-style” Mormon kids-bop-style cd, a district meeting with the exciting focus on my favorite topic of the Atonement, and encouraging and receiving the trauma dumping of a random lady in the hopes...2025-03-101h 15Oh, Sister!Power in the Priesthood Be Upon MeCW: discussion of grooming, and I swear heavily in this episodeAfter weeks of holding it in, I can no longer keep myself from “dropping the f bomb” as I share a deeply formative priesthood blessing experience from my freshman year at BYU. I do a deep dive into the ramifications of power dynamics built into the church’s male-exclusive priesthood structure, explaining how much it messed up my own capacity for clear thought and judgment, among other things. Of course, my journal entries this week also include priesthood blessings for different people we were i...2025-03-031h 43Oh, Sister!Lock Your HeartCW: discussion of sex, mention of r*pe culture
Today I begin to dive into the strange world of Mormon sexual repression and control, with a discussion on Spencer Kimball’s infamous talk “Lock Your Heart.” My journal entries from week ten include even more worries about gaining weight, a micro-aggression around race and music, and the celebration of finding a place to “do service” as a missionary.
Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansen
Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.
...2025-02-2455 minOh, Sister!The Virtue of Thought StoppingI begin by connecting cult “mind control” techniques with the Mormon practice of thought stopping through music, along with the idea that one can use holy music to “keep out the devil.” (“Just hum your favorite hymn, sing out with vigor and vim...”) My journal entries from week nine include the celebration of a Sister Missionary’s 21st birthday, the misunderstanding that dealing with my symptoms of ADHD resulted in a “miracle,” and being taken down a peg by a self-righteous member missionary we had “abandoned.”
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Written, read, ed...2025-02-171h 13Oh, Sister!Dress & GroomingToday I’ll cover one of the basic rules of missionary life: what (not) to wear. ; ) My journal entries from week eight include an admission that “missions are a good pressure cooker,” the story of one member’s inter-racial adoption, and my final days with my trainer before she is sent home to be released with honor.-check out Tara Herbert’s podcast:pouty mouth -check out the YW lesson on marriage: r/exmormon -check out a digitized White Handbook:pdfSupport me on patreon:Dpatreon.com/AllyCh...2025-02-101h 01Oh, Sister!Smile that Frown AwayIn line with last week’s discussion of emotional manipulation, today I discuss the cultural idea of changing one’s own internal emotional landscape, as well as the results as I was trying to do it myself. My journal entries include friendly cats acting as evidence of our divine calling, going on my first “exchanges” with my Sister Training Leader, and the painful realization that I’ve never fully confided in anyone.
LDS Music Library: "Smiles" https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/music/songs/smiles?lang=eng
Support me on patreon:D...2025-02-031h 15Oh, Sister!Manufacturing the SpiritCW: discussion of restricted eating
Today we’re focusing in on the practice of using emotionally manipulative language to manufacture "the Spirit.” In this sixth week, my journal entries include trying to track down a potential investigator at her workplace, dealing with the lack of control over what we ate as missionaries (as well as the pressure to look a certain way as women), and contemplating gender-appropriate hobbies to pursue in life after my mission.
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Written, read...2025-01-271h 02Oh, Sister!Sight & SoundCW: discussion of overeating
I open with a refresher on the rule to always stay within Sight & Sound of your mission companion, as we begin to see the effects of my constant external and internal surveillance. My fifth week begins with a detailed review of meeting notes from my first Quad Zone Conference, a commitment to stop the “habit” of complaining, and a moment of appreciation for the sacrifices Utah Mormons make when they move elsewhere for missionary work.
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2025-01-201h 32Oh, Sister!Every Good (or Anxious) ThoughtTake a deep breath and pull on your serious boots, things start to get real as I deliver my soapbox on how the mission environment encourages neurotic religious scrupulosity. This week’s journal entries include the strange “love at first sight” (aka we were best friends in our past lives and we’ll be best friends forever) missionaries can have with people they just met, the ups and mostly downs of opening up a new town, and as always, the constant disappointment of inexact obedience.
Examples of scrupulosity from https://scrupulosity.com/scrupulosity/
2025-01-131h 03Oh, Sister!The Mission AssignmentCW: discussion of over-eating
This episode unpacks my third week as a Sister Missionary. I start by sharing the mythology around and assignment of mission areas, and then we dive into my journal entries from that week. This week's journal entries include going to my first area and meeting my trainer, the attempted transplant of Utah Mormon culture into rural North Dakota, and my first experience of being over-fed for brownie points. Pun intended. ; )
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Written, read, edited, & produced by A...2025-01-0653 minOh, Sister!The MTCThis episode covers the second week of my time as a Sister Missionary. I give context for my time in the MTC (Missionary Training Center), then share my journal entries from that week. Covered topics include important family events that missionaries miss, the unspoken social beliefs around why a missionary would go home early, & the absolute naive audacity Mormon missionaries have regarding the trauma dumping that happens to people seen as authority figures.
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Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.2024-12-301h 05Oh, Sister!My Purpose as a Missionary - pilot!CW: mention of suicide
In this first episode I explain my motivation for publicly sharing my personal journals. After explaining the "Missionary Purpose," I dive into the first week of my Mormon Mission with life in the MTC.
Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansen
Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.
Music credits:
Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
Church Music by Seth...2024-12-2324 min
Mormon Stories Podcast1634: Losing Faith at BYU - Ally Christiansen Pt 2Ally, a returned-missionary and member of BYU’s elite choir, BYU Singers, describes her struggles with perfectionism, mental health, harmful aspects of BYU culture, and discovering her asexuality in the context of marriage-centric Mormonism. Show Notes: AllyChristiansen.com Ally Christiansen Instagram LDS Church Proclamation on the Family Contrapoints YouTube channel Gretchen Day MS Interview RFM Investigation of MTC Sex Scandal “Oh Ye Fair Ones” - Christian Asplund BYU Survival Guide MS Episode - Bradly and Ilana, BYU Survival Guide. How to survive BYU as a non-traditional or non-believing student Utah Valley University Beauty in the Now (Margi's Coa...2022-08-022h 38