Shows
Restoring the Soul with Michael John CusickEpisode 349 - Dr. Dan Allender, "The Deep-Rooted Marriage"Welcome to another episode of Restoring the Soul with Michael John Cusick. In today’s honest and insightful conversation, Michael sits down with Dr. Dan Allender—a renowned therapist, author, and longtime mentor—to discuss Dan’s latest book, The Deep-Rooted Marriage, co-authored with Dr. Steve Call and enriched by the wisdom and vulnerability of their wives, Becky Allender and Lisa Call.This episode isn’t just a discussion about techniques for a better marriage—it’s a candid exploration of the real, raw journey through conflict, trauma, shame, and, ultimately, transformation inside marriage. Dan and Michael reflect on how...2025-05-1958 min
Good FaithDan Allender: Trauma, Trust, and the Truth About Marriage How Do We Overcome the Hidden Forces Behind Marital Challenges? How does your relationships—or even your parents’ marriage—shape the way you see beauty, brokenness, and the world itself? Therapist Dan Allender joins host Curtis Chang for a raw, insightful conversation on how relationships form the backbone of our worldview, especially in times of stress and trauma. They unpack hidden triggers behind marital conflict, the power of empathy over contempt, and why kindness and repentance are key to lasting connection. Whether you're navigating conflict or craving deeper intimacy, this episode delivers transformative wisdom for healthi...2025-05-1547 min
The Red Tent Living PodcastWalking with Grief: the Life-giving Nature of Loss with Becky Allender and Sandhya Oaks"Sorrow is the key to life," says Becky Allender. In this episode, Becky and Sandhya Oaks reflect on the nature of sorrow, the role it has in our lives, and the beauty we find because we are willing to engage the darker and more painful elements of our lives. Join Becky and Sandhya in this wide ranging conversation on living more fully thanks to the bravery of grief. For more stories from brave, ordinary women, join us at Red Tent Living.2025-03-1437 min
The Allender Center PodcastTending to One Another’s Stories in Marriage with Dan & Becky AllenderTo celebrate the forthcoming release of The Deep-Rooted Marriage, co-authored by Dan Allender and Steve Call, Dan and Becky Allender reflect on their own marriage story — its unique dynamics, the challenges they’ve faced, and the redemptive journey they’ve walked together. They open up about how their family-of-origin stories shaped their relationship in ways they didn’t initially realize and the intentional work it took to build new, healthier ways of connecting, particularly over the past decade. Whether you’re married, dating, or reflecting on other relationships in your life, we think Dan and Becky’s vul...2025-01-1746 minThe Allender Center PodcastCreating a Better Marriage Through Story with Becky AllenderBecky Allender sits down with Rachael Clinton Chen for a one-on-one conversation. Becky reflects on how she and Dan have experienced profound transformation in their marriage, particularly since the Allender Center was founded in 2011. It was during this time that they began practicing the fundamentals of story engagement within their own relationship—a journey that not only changed their lives but also inspired the Marriage offerings at the Allender Center. No matter what season you’re in—whether your relationship is new or you’ve been married for decades like Dan and Becky—there’s always something new to learn...2025-01-1035 minThe Allender Center PodcastReflections on the Year with Dr. Dan & Becky AllenderAs we near the close of the year, Dan and Becky Allender are continuing a podcast tradition: sitting down to reflect on their experiences and inviting you, our listeners, to join them in this meaningful practice. Dan and Becky share their own reflections—what they’ve learned, what they’re grieving, and what they’re celebrating—as they prepare to transition into a new season. They’ve also shared a few practical ways you can reflect on your year: Scroll through your photo gallery. Notice the moments that brought you joy, growth, or even challen...2024-12-2742 min
Living PoetryGo to the Heart - Becky AllenderHidden in Plain Sight by Becky Allender “Oh, Had I A Golden Thread” lyrics by Pete Seeger, 1962 Lyrics at 10:55 “Oh, Had I A Golden Thread” from Songbird by Eva Cassidy, 1998 “Where Have All the Flowers Gone” by Pete Seeger, 1955 https://theallendercenter.org/offerings/trainings https://theallendercenter.org/marriage2024-12-1736 minThe Allender Center PodcastThe Complexities of ChristmasWith Christmas just around the corner, it’s easy to get lost in the comforts of gifts, gatherings, and familiar holiday carols. Yet in today’s podcast, Dan and Rachael remind us that the true celebration of Christmas means embracing the profound disruption Jesus brought to the world—a call to love, bless, and challenge the status quo, even in a world often defined by hatred and division. This conversation invites us to see Christmas as more than a season of comfort. It’s a time of transformation, calling us to step into the work of love, justice...2024-12-1344 minThe Allender Center PodcastSummer Replay: Attachment Stories in Marriage with Dr. Steve and Lisa CallThis month, we're bringing back three of our most popular conversations from last year, featuring some incredible guests. Whether you've heard them before or not, we invite you to listen, reflect, and perhaps share them with a friend. The third and final episode in our summer replay series features Dr. Dan Allender and Becky Allender, and Dr. Steve Call and Lisa Call. This was our most-downloaded episode about marriage last year, and there’s definitely some wisdom in this conversation. You’ll hear how our attachment styles show up within the context of marriage, how to i...2024-07-2644 min
The Red Tent Living PodcastBreaking Family Cycles with Becky Allender and Beth BrunoIs there a cycle you have inherited in your family that feels nearly impossible to break? Becky and Beth are right there with you. Together these beautiful women open their hearts to give you a window into their mothering practices as they each work to rewrite their family stories with generous boundaries and permission giving energy for their children. Their conversation is candid, encouraging, and right in the moment as they allow listeners to take a peek into their real world family challenges and dynamics. Snuggle up for a comforting, brave conversation with the women of Red Tent Living.2024-04-0234 min
DadAwesome311 | Managing Triggers, Providing a Secure Beginning, and The North Stars of Parenting (Dr. Dan Allender)The way you parent stems from how you were parented. That’s why understanding the stories and trauma of your past is essential if you want to provide a secure beginning for your children. In this episode, Dr. Dan Allender offers expert advice to help you own the past, share your stories with others, and find beauty along the parenting journey. Key Takeaways A child has a secure beginning if they have attunement, containment, and a parent who can repair ruptures. The level of failure in parenting is higher than in marriage, friendships, or work. When you’re t...2024-01-0447 minThe Allender Center PodcastReflections on the Year with Dan and Becky AllenderIt’s become an annual tradition for Dan and Becky Allender to reflect on their year on the podcast, and today, we get to hear their personal reflections on 2023. They discuss the loss of dear friends this year, the fragility of life, the heartache of crises happening around the world, and the impact of disappointment on some of their personal plans and dreams. In the midst of grief, they also express gratitude for the goodness they have experienced this year. As we listen, themes of simplicity, aging, and the awareness of life's brevity eme...2023-12-2937 min
Enneagram and MarriageAttending to the Stories Behind Trauma Cycles in Marriage w/Dan & Becky Allender, 8-9 PairingGiving space for suffering and holding space for one another, as well as working through life and generational trauma in marriage are essential practices for long-term couples. Almost everyone has been through something hard or incapacitating by the time they are married for any number of years. Today Christa is joined by the esteemed Dr. Dan Allender and Becky Allender, co-founders of The Seattle School/The Allender Center, who in their 8-9 pairing have helped hundreds of thousands of people to overcome issues of trauma of all kinds. They share tips in general and reveal some of their own...2023-12-1854 min
CaptivatedHealing Through Story with Becky AllenderStasi welcomes her dear friend Becky Allender on today’s podcast to discuss story work and the healing that can come through it. Story work is a way of honoring our life’s story and the ways it has shaped us and engaging the places we need care, compassion, and mercy. If this feels new to you, Becky also offers a simple place to start. Friends, each of us desires to be seen and known, and giving a voice to our story is a beautiful level of self-care that expands our hearts for Jesus to come and compassionately give us m...2023-08-2336 minThe Allender Center PodcastReturning to Unresolvable ConflictsIn relationships, there are conflicts that cannot be resolved with a clear “right” or “wrong.” In fact, the Gottman Institute’s research cites that nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable. Earlier this year, Dan and Becky Allender talked through unresolvable conflicts from their perspective of over four decades of marriage. Now, we’re revisiting the topic with our other co-host, Rachael Clinton Chen, and her husband Michael Chen, who have been married since 2019. Rachael and Michael explore the complexities of unresolvable conflicts in marriage and share their personal insights about navigating these challenging situations. They both emphasi...2023-07-0750 minThe Allender Center PodcastCreating Safety in RelationshipsIn a world that can feel overwhelming and unsafe, we all long for safe havens in our relationships. But how do we create that safety? On this episode of the podcast, Rachael Clinton Chen chats with Dan and Becky Allender about their journey to intimacy and understanding in their marriage. Dan and Becky have been married for decades, but they both say that the real transformation in their relationship has happened only in recent years. They credit much of this breakthrough to doing story work and understanding their own family of origin stories, as well...2023-06-3047 minThe Allender Center PodcastBetrayal in MarriageWe all have experienced betrayal in our relationships. We typically think of betrayal as an affair or deception, and some of us may be quick to say, “That doesn’t apply to my relationship.” But what today’s conversation points out is that betrayal is actually anything that disconnects us from our partner and places something else above that person we love most. These moments of betrayal can lead to hurt, disappointment, shame, and a loss of trust. How do we navigate those moments of betrayal when we feel so wounded? And, whether you’re the one who...2023-02-1846 minThe Allender Center PodcastAttachment Stories in MarriageAttachment is an emotional bond we feel with another person who responds to our needs. This begins as an infant as we attach (or fail to attach) to our caregivers then extends into our adult life, often showing up in the ways we relate to others. In today’s episode, Dan and Becky Allender are joined by Steve and Lisa Call from Reconnect Institute to examine how our attachment styles emerge within the context of marriage, how to identify and name those attachments, and how to learn and heal in our most intimate relationships. 2023-02-1143 minThe Allender Center PodcastUnresolvable ConflictAccording to the research of the Gottman Institute, nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable - meaning, there is no clear right or wrong resolution. After recently celebrating their 46th wedding anniversary, Dan and Becky Allender come together to talk about conflict, particularly within the context of marriage. Throughout any relationship, conflict is inevitible - and it can look different in different seasons or settings. You’ll hear Dan and Becky highlight two traps that are easy to fall into: conflict avoidance (don’t go there!) and indifferent compromise (just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it y...2023-01-2145 minThe Allender Center PodcastIntentions for the New YearWelcome to a new year of the Allender Center Podcast! This week, Dan and Becky Allender reconvene to look forward with anticipation and expectation. Dan asks, “What do you want the year to hold? I think most people speak first of events... But I think one of the things that so seldom seems to be the primary category: who do you want to become?”2023-01-0737 minThe Allender Center PodcastMeditation on the YearHappy New Year! As we close out 2022, Dan and Becky Allender sit down to reflect about the things they learned this year and what they wish to bring with them as they go into the new year. Listeners and friends, thank you for listening to the Allender Center Podcast this year. We are grateful every time you press “play,” and are thankful for all of your comments, feedback, and encouragement. We look forward to meeting you here again in the new year with new episodes! 2022-12-3135 minThe Allender Center PodcastThe Nature of DisappointmentAs we enter the holiday season with anticipation, there are times when we will also feel, well… disappointed. How do we honor disappointment without being bound by it? Dan and Becky Allender talk through their experiences with disappointment, how the body reacts when faced with disappointment, and the ways in which we can tend to our disappointments and still find hope.2022-11-2637 minThe Allender Center PodcastHoliday MadnessAs nature slows down, many of us are gearing up for a busy holiday season - beginning with Thanksgiving next week. Dan and Becky Allender unpack some of the nostalgia that surrounds the holiday, the tensions that arise from unmet expectations or clashing opinions, and what we can mindfully bring to the Thanksgiving table - and what can be left at the door.So as we enter into this season of “holiday madness,” as Dan puts it, we hope you can pause to consider what this time of year means for you, and how you...2022-11-1936 minThe Allender Center PodcastEngaging Triggers in MarriageWe recently wrapped up the Allender Center Marriage Conference with Dan and Becky Allender and Steve and Lisa Call of The Reconnect Institute. So as our team is reflecting on that incredible event and gearing up for next spring’s Marriage Enrichment Retreat, we thought we'd go back into the archives to revisit this conversation between the Allenders and the Calls. In this episode from 2020, the two couples talk about engaging triggers in a marriage. Whether you are married or not, we hope this topic will help you in any of your close relationships with a spouse, fr...2022-10-2928 minThe Allender Center PodcastDoes Time Heal All Wounds?Does time really heal all wounds? After recently celebrating their respective 70th birthdays, Dan and Becky Allender sat down to look back over the decades with a different awareness, considering the trauma, the joy, the losses, and the blessings. They also explore the saying that “time heals all wounds” and explain why trauma does not honor time. The good news is that, instead of hoping that the passage of time will allow us to heal, we can step in and own our stories and begin to experience the redemption and restoration that God has for us.2022-10-2237 minThe Allender Center PodcastDesire and DisappointmentAs we transition into the fall season, Dan and Becky Allender take a moment to reflect on their summer: the desires they had, the disappointments they felt, and the surprising lessons learned when things didn’t go as planned.2022-09-0333 minThe Allender Center PodcastReplay and Rest: Imagination and HopeIn the third and final episode in our “Replay and Rest” series, we’ll revisit a conversation between Dan and Becky Allender as they reflect on the profound depths of rest we are invited to in Psalm 131. We know that rest is of the utmost importance in order to recover from the toll that stress takes on our bodies, our minds, and our hearts. Here at The Allender Center, we are practicing what we teach and many of our team members are taking reduced work hours and vacation time during the month of July. In that spirit, we are...2022-08-0522 minThe Allender Center PodcastAddressing Our Trauma Stories Within MarriageWe have all experienced some degree of trauma in our lives. If you’re married or partnered, you need to have a trauma informed partnership to be mindful of how our trauma stories and narratives impact our relationship. In this episode, Dr. Dan Allender and Becky Allender are joined by Dr. Steve Call and Lisa Call to share their experiences in addressing personal trauma in the context of marriage.2022-02-1245 minThe Allender Center PodcastRituals & Rhythms for a New YearHow do we begin to process this past year and look forward to a new year when so many things feel beyond our control? In this special New Year’s Day edition, husband and wife duo Dan and Becky Allender discuss establishing rituals and rhythms that can keep us grounded and centered as we enter 2022.2022-01-0129 min
The Reconnect Marriage PodcastThe Intersection of Story and Trauma with Dr. Dan and Becky AllenderSend us a textOur family of origin story certainly impacts our marriage relationship. And at times, our own story of trauma can create conflict and tension in our marriage. In this episode, we are so very grateful that our dear friends Dr. Dan Allender and his wife Becky join us. Dan and Steve have been colleagues at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology for over 20 years and are avid fly fishing partners over the years. Dan is a pioneer of a unique and innovative approach to trauma and abuse therapy and is the fo...2021-11-0231 minThe Allender Center PodcastStories from 10 Years of The Allender CenterNo story is without its share of joy, anticipation, trials, and victories, and the same can be said about the founding of The Allender Center. This year we are celebrating 10 years as a center and place where people have found healing from trauma. It has been an immense honor to be able to hear and walk with you through your stories of harm into restoration. Today, Dan and Rachael share memories and tales with Becky Allender and Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director, both former guests of the podcast and founding members of The Allender Center. You’ll get to he...2021-09-0443 minThe Allender Center PodcastCuriosity and HospitalityIn the final episode on hospitality, Dan and Becky step into the realms of ideas, experiences, and suffering. What does it look like to be hospitable to an idea, particularly a new idea, that is offered to us? How can we be more hospitable to suffering, and what does that look like? Throughout their conversation, Dan emphasizes the importance of being able to differ with an idea while also being able to welcome it and ask questions that are not defensive, but have a kind of hospitality that will allow us to be transformed by what we’re engaging....2021-07-3032 minThe Allender Center PodcastProviding Hospitality: A Conversation with Becky AllenderContinuing a conversation about hospitality, Dan invites his wife, Becky Allender, back to the podcast to recount a personal, life-changing experience that changed their perspective of hospitality. Sometimes it is assumed hospitality is setting a ‘perfect plate’ for guests, however, we need to remove ourselves from the idea that hospitality is simply entertainment. How are you engaging others at the grocery store, in your neighborhood, or at work? What does it mean to offer care and welcome from the heart? Throughout the episode you’ll hear more of Dan and Becky’s stories as well as how they are actively...2021-07-2326 minThe Allender Center PodcastEngaging and Navigating RegretThis past year was unlike any other we’ve experienced. Our plans, goals, resolutions, and carefully crafted calendars for 2020 were all but thrown out the window as a result of the pandemic. It’s normal to look back at the year with grief for all that was lost and not accomplished. The feeling of regret, however, can become so heavy that it pulls us down into a cycle of negative thinking, contempt, and judgement. How then are we to begin a new year with grace for ourselves in order to move forward into all that 2021 has to offer? Las...2021-01-0825 min
Jesus Said LoveABUSE [sexual]: Dan & Becky AllenderDr. Dan Allender is a pioneer of a unique and innovative approach to trauma and abuse therapy. For over 30 years, the Allender Theory has brought healing and transformation to hundreds of thousands of lives by bridging the story of the gospel and the stories of trauma and abuse that mark so many.After receiving his Master of Divinity from Westminster Theological Seminary, Dan earned his Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University. Dan previously served on faculty at the Biblical Counseling Department of Grace Theological Seminary (1983-1989) and Colorado Christian University (1989-1997). In 1997, Dan and a...2020-10-0646 minThe Allender Center PodcastRelationships between Married Couples and Single People“We all have something to offer and we all have something to learn from each other in all of our various stages of life and relationships.” -Beau Denton As the month of conversations about marriage draws to a close, Dan and Becky invite Beau Denton and Ashley Wright on the podcast to talk about how single people and married people can relate better together. Beau was a former Content Creator for The Seattle School and played an integral role in synthesizing podcast episodes, and Ashley serves as the Director of Marketing and Communications for T...2020-09-2527 minThe Allender Center PodcastRituals to Redeem Your MarriageDan and Becky Allender invite Paul and Sara Steinke into a conversation about creating and living rituals in marriage, particularly in this era of COVID-19. Paul is the Vice President of Students and Alumni at The Seattle School and Sara is a private practitioner, yoga instructor, and poet. Throughout the episode, they talk about the presence of ritual in their relationships, the specific kinds of rituals they practice to enhance and grow their marriage, and the difference between creating a ritual and a habit. Resources: Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage C...2020-09-1835 minThe Allender Center PodcastEngaging Triggers in MarriageThis week on the podcast, Dan and Becky Allender talk about triggers in marriage with their good friends Dr. Steve and Lisa Call. You may recognize Steve and Lisa from the new Marriage Online Course.What follows is both a humorous and deeply insightful conversation. Triggers can undermine a marriage relationship as a couple often does not have language or context to understand what provoked their partner, or how to engage one another after someone is triggered. Resources: Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage Conference, Marriage Online Course, and Date Nights f...2020-09-1129 minThe Allender Center PodcastThe Reality of Marriage in COVID-19“Can you be faithful with the small?” -Dr. Dan Allender As we enter a fall that is full of complexity, we’re going to be having conversations over the next few weeks on the topic of marriage. Before we dive in, however, we want to emphasize that this is a series for everyone—whether you are single, about to be married, just married, or have been married for a long time. Today, you’ll hear Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, talk about the elements of disruption they have been experiencing in their own...2020-09-0533 minThe Allender Center PodcastKindness: Qualities of a Well-Lived Story“Kindness is disruptive for our good.” Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen begin to explore the qualities of a well-lived story, beginning with kindness, in a conversation with their spouses Becky Allender and Rev. Michael S. Chen. They talk about how both Becky and Michael embody kindness, and throughout the episode, you’ll hear how stories of both hope and heartache impact how they extend kindness to their spouses and those around them. Resources: Learn more about and apply to Virtual Story Workshop Read a blog post about “The Courage of Kindness”...2020-07-2441 min
Sacred Story PodcastHidden in Plain Sight #27: Becky AllenderLaura and Becky begin the conversation with Becky hiding in her early years which contributed to her feeling unseen. Becky shares about brokenness as our human experience. She witnessed deficits in her parent's lives and felt the effects in her life. She shares more about processing pain in a person's upbringing, and at the same time, she looks back on her parent's struggles with empathy and increasing love. Becky vulnerably talks about messing up in parenting, struggles with jealousy, and her pursuit to be kinder to herself. Laura asks her about our need to risking and the benefits which c...2020-06-1052 minThe Allender Center PodcastEnding and Beginning: RegretContinuing a conversation about entering a new year, Dan and Becky Allender talk openly about their experiences with anxiety and worry and the tendency many of us have to let worry overtake our anticipation of the future.2020-01-1021 minThe Allender Center PodcastEnding and Beginning: RegretAs we enter a new year, Dan and Becky Allender address the issue of regret, and how so often our regret inhibits us from reflecting on the past.2020-01-0322 min
The Arise PodcastSeason 1, Episode 7: Becky Allender talks about Endings, Anxiety and Knowing your bodyQuotes“People do change…with their kindness to their story.” - Becky Allender"There is such change, that's why I love this work so much." - Becky Allender"A lot of forgiveness...a lot of holy listening and holy words towards each person.." - Becky Allender (on core facilitating at The Allender Center Certificate 1)LinksHidden In Plain Sight:https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Plain-Sight-Identity-Intimacy/dp/1947974009(Video) https://vimeo.com/280278322The Allender Center: https://theallendercenter.org/author/ballender/Facebook: Becky AllenderInst...2019-12-2530 min
The Place We Find Ourselves52 How Your Story Leads to Your Style of Relating to Others with Becky AllenderBecky Allender and I talk about her book Hidden In Plain Sight, which is a collection of stories designed to invite the reader to engage his or her own story in more depth. Becky shares how her relationship with her Mom led to a style of relating in which she became committed to “staying out of the way and becoming invisible.” Becky goes on to talk about the importance of experiencing “sorrow in the care of wise guides” as we engage our story. Support the podcast2019-11-1844 minThe Allender Center PodcastFacing Failure, Part 3Dan and Becky Allender reflect on what it means to experience failure and address it in a way that allows our lives to grow, both relationally and individually.2019-09-2022 minThe Allender Center PodcastAging, Part ThreeDan and Becky Allender have a conversation about what it means to embrace aging by owning limitations, moving forward in kindness, and holding both the levity and gravity of aging together.2019-08-3022 minThe Allender Center PodcastA Summer of Play, Part ThreeDan and Becky Allender reflect on what deep, meaningful play reveals about living as people who are captivated by the radiance of God.2019-07-1222 minThe Allender Center PodcastA Summer of Play, Part TwoDan and Becky Allender wrestle with some of the obstacles and demands that often keep us from engaging in play, or that relegate it to an afterthought or addendum to the rest of our lives.2019-07-0522 minThe Allender Center PodcastA Summer of Play, Part OneDan and Becky Allender kick off a new series all about the beauty and necessity of play by exploring the categories of risk, exploration, and restoration.2019-06-2822 minThe Allender Center PodcastImagination and Hope in Psalm 131Dan and Becky Allender conclude our series on Psalm 131 by reflecting on a hope that is grounded in our deepest desires, that does not fear suffering, and that anticipates the fullness of redemption that God intends for each of us.2019-06-2121 minThe Allender Center PodcastCalm and Quiet in Psalm 131Dan and Becky Allender reflect on how Psalm 131 invites us to calm and quiet our bodies, minds, and hearts, so that we can navigate the loss and chaos around us in a new way.2019-06-1423 minThe Allender Center PodcastFamily of Origin: Redeeming TriangulationDan and Becky Allender continue discussing triangulation in family of origin, and remind us that no matter how deep the harm, and no matter how costly the healing, our stories are not yet done being written.2019-03-0825 minThe Allender Center PodcastFamily of Origin: TriangulationIn this third episode of our Family of Origin series, we turn to the crucial category of triangulation. Dan and Becky Allender look back on their own families and the history of their marriage to help us unpack how these dynamics continue playing out deca2019-03-0121 minThe Allender Center PodcastStarting a Year with Intention and CareDan and Becky Allender reflect on the year ahead, wondering about the themes and desires they feel for the coming months.2019-01-0422 min
Restoring the Soul with Michael John CusickEpisode 80 - Becky Allender, "Hidden in Plain Sight"Hidden in Plain Sight “We all have stories and they’re a goldmine. You must tend to them.” - Becky AllenderOn this edition of Restoring the Soul, Michael talks with Becky Allender. Becky helped co-found The Allender Center at The Seattle School, where she directs intercession for the Training Certificate program, leads groups for Story Workshops, and co-leads marriage retreats with her husband. She is the author of Hidden in Plain Sight: One Woman’s Search for Identity, Intimacy, and Calling and has been a regular contributor to Red Tent Living si...2019-01-0250 minThe Allender Center PodcastLooking Back on the YearDan and Becky Allender invite us to look back on the past year, to remember the highlights and low points, the delights and challenges, and to wonder what themes Jesus has been growing in us this year.2018-12-2821 minThe Allender Center PodcastHome for the Holidays, Part ThreeDan and Becky Allender conclude our holiday series by talking about something that will be all too familiar for most listeners: family conflict.2018-12-2122 minThe Allender Center PodcastHome for the Holidays, Part TwoDan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about the holidays by discussing the deep sense of disappointment that so often leads to conflict.2018-12-1420 minThe Allender Center PodcastHome for the Holidays, Part OneDan and Becky Allender reflect on the benefits and drawbacks of nostalgia—which can help inform our desire for goodness in the present, or can set up unrealistic expectations that inevitably lead to disappointment.2018-12-0721 minThe Allender Center PodcastParenting Adult Children, Part TwoThis week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about parenting adult children, particularly when the relationship is so broken that it seems beyond repair.2018-08-1022 minThe Allender Center PodcastParenting Adult Children, Part OneThis week, Dan and Becky Allender start a two-part conversation about parenting adult children. How can we engage complex dynamics with curiosity and a hope of change, rather than maintaining the status quo or reenacting past harm?2018-08-0321 minThe Allender Center PodcastAn Epidemic of Loneliness, Part ThreeThis week, Dan and Becky Allender conclude our series on loneliness by discussing how the journey away from the shame of disconnection begins with an act of confession.2018-07-2723 minThe Allender Center PodcastAn Epidemic of Loneliness, Part TwoThis week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about loneliness by looking at the particular ways it shows up in marriage and other intimate relationships.2018-07-2022 minThe Allender Center PodcastAn Epidemic of Loneliness, Part OneThis week, Dan and Becky Allender kick off a three-part series on loneliness. They begin by wrestling with some of the differences between sporadic, situational loneliness and chronic, existential loneliness.2018-07-1323 minThe Allender Center PodcastSummer Hospitality, Part TwoThis week, Dan and Becky Allender continue discussing the dynamics of hospitality by exploring what it means to be a good host as we welcome friends and relatives into our homes this summer.2018-06-2222 minThe Allender Center PodcastSummer Hospitality, Part OneThis week, Dan and Becky Allender dive into the dynamics of hospitality and what it means to be a good guest or host. As we visit the homes of others, how can we enter their world with gratitude, humility, and delight?2018-06-1522 minThe Allender Center PodcastDan and Becky Allender: Hiding No More, Part TwoThis week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. They reflect on the nature of calling and on the beautiful, wild invitation to step into new terrain while many others choose to coast through life.2018-02-0222 minThe Allender Center PodcastDan and Becky Allender: Hiding No More, Part OneThis week, Dan and Becky Allender talk about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. Becky shares about her writing process and about finding the courage to step from a lifetime of hiding into a beautiful and compelling new story.2018-01-2621 min
Wild at HeartHidden in Plain SightJohn and Stasi Eldredge have a conversation with Becky Allender (author of the new book Hidden in Plain Sight and wife of Dan Allender) about how we can know our story, put words to it, and share it with others.2018-01-2218 minThe Allender Center PodcastWriting a New Story in 2018This week, Dan and Becky Allender look ahead and wonder about the desire, hope, and fear that comes with moving into a new year. Dan and Becky reflect on the themes and trajectories that will shape their year ahead, inviting you to join them in pondering the story your life will tell in 2018.2018-01-0522 minThe Allender Center PodcastEnding the Year with IntentionThis week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky as they reflect back on the significant events of their year. Dan and Becky discuss how to move from the end of the year to anticipate the year ahead. They invite us to adopt the simple, intentional practice of taking time to look back on the year and taking note of events and themes. This sets us up to to live into what and where we are called in the next season.2017-12-2922 minThe Allender Center PodcastStory Writing: Revealing What You Could Not See (Part 4 on Story)This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, conclude their series on Story. Dan introduces Becky’s new book, and she reads an excerpt from it, recounting a painful story of loss. Through the conversation that follows, we learn how writing our stories and sharing them with a caring community can truly transform our lives. The episode concludes with an invitation to discover the power of writing and reading our own stories. If you feel a pull to know more about how your story, in all of its beauty and heartache, shapes and influences every dimension of yo...2017-09-2321 minThe Allender Center PodcastStory Themes: How Particulars Form Threads (Part 3 on Story)This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, continue a series on Story. They dialogue about how their own particular upbringings and life events formed distinct themes in their lives. The episode presents a challenge to us: Have we taken time to consider the themes of our own stories? And have we considered how these themes affect those around us?2017-09-1622 minThe Allender Center PodcastIrritation or Intrigue: You Choose (Part 2 on Story)This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, think back to the way in which one of their brief interactions led not only to confusion but to a deeper sense of irritation toward each other’s stories. As they recognized and named their everyday stories, those that too often get overlooked, they were able to move past avoidance and gain understanding and empathy. The episode ends with this encouragement and challenge: we all have a choice to make in each of our relationships—to approach another’s story with a sense of irritation or with genuine intrigue. What we choose...2017-09-0922 minThe Allender Center PodcastReflection and Transition: A Summer RepriseThis week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, reflect on their summer experiences to glean wisdom as they prepare to move into the fall. During their conversation, they ponder some helpful questions. How should we approach transition? Why does God invite us to reinvent our plans? What have we gained from our last season that we can bring to the next?2017-08-2623 minThe Allender Center PodcastHitting the RoadThis week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, welcome summer by talking about a long road trip they are planning. As they share their hopes and expectations for the trip, they reflect on the thrill of planning, the joy of sharing new experiences, and the importance of remembering. In all of this, Dan shares his hope that a meaningful, memorable trip will always reveal a small taste of the coming Kingdom of God.2017-06-1723 minThe Allender Center PodcastGrieving the Death of a Parent, Part TwoThis week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, continue their discussion about the painful journey of grieving the death of a parent—a conversation sparked by their own experience of processing the death of Dan’s mother just a few weeks ago. Dan and Becky discuss the love, care, and support they have received from others in times of grief, inviting us to consider how we might be present in the lifes of friends or loved ones who endure significant loss.2017-04-1523 minThe Allender Center PodcastGrieving the Death of a Parent, Part OneThis week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, talk about the painful journey of grieving the death of a parent. This conversation was sparked by their own experiences of grief after Dan’s mother passed away just a few weeks ago. Dan and Becky reflect on the intersections between grief and honor, the beauty of close, trusted others inviting us to remembrance and forgiveness, and the ways in which even this experience can point us toward the goodness of God in the land of the living.2017-04-0821 minThe Allender Center PodcastThe Grief of Miscarriage, Part FourThis week, Dr. Dan Allender continues his conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director at The Allender Center, about grief and loss in the wake of miscarriages and infertility. Dan and Jeanette are joined again by their partners, Becky Allender and Campbell White, to talk about how they have learned and grown in the years since these experiences. What we find is that, even decades and decades later, it is never too late to process our stories in the hope of healing. This is a vital and vulnerable conversation, and we are so grateful to Jeanette, Campbell, and Becky for...2017-02-1823 minThe Allender Center PodcastThe Grief of Miscarriage, Part ThreeThis week, Dr. Dan Allender continues the conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center, about the devastating grief and loss that comes with miscarriages and infertility. Dan and Jeanette are joined by their partners, Becky Allender and Campbell White, to talk about the pain of shared heartache in marriage. This is a vital and vulnerable conversation, and we are so grateful to Jeanette, Campbell, and Becky for joining Dan to share their experiences with all of us.2017-02-1123 minThe Allender Center PodcastSabbath, Part Two: 40 Years of MarriageThis week, in honor of their 40th wedding anniversary, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife Becky reflect together on the last four decades of learning and growing as individuals and as a couple. Since part of honoring the Sabbath means marking the passage of time and celebrating significant milestones, Dan and Becky invite us to consider how we engage the past, present, and future with intentionality and care.2017-01-2121 minThe Allender Center PodcastSabbath, Part One: A Taste of the KingdomThis week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife Becky talk about the nature of Sabbath and the challenges of developing rhythms of rest and play that point us toward the coming kingdom of God. What does it look like to intentionally set aside time to tend to goodness, glory, and delight in our lives?2017-01-1421 minThe Allender Center PodcastAdvent, Part 4: CelebratingThis week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, conclude our Advent series by reflecting on the act of celebration. How does anticipating the coming of Jesus equip us to celebrate the scandalous nature of Christmas with deep, life-changing joy? And from all of us at The Allender Center and The Seattle School, a very merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.2016-12-2423 minThe Allender Center PodcastAdvent, Part 3: WelcomingThis week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his wife Becky to continue our Advent series by reflecting on the theme of welcoming. Dan and Becky discuss the kind of playful, unexpected, profound acts of welcoming that the coming of Christ invites us into.2016-12-1722 minThe Allender Center PodcastGratitudeThis week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, to reflect on their experience of Thanksgiving and explore the nature of gratitude. Dan and Becky identify the comparison, entitlement, and envy that kill gratitude, inviting all of us to a posture of thankfulness that acknowledges our dependence on and love for each other.2016-11-2622 minThe Allender Center PodcastCelebrating 100 Episodes: Dissociation in MarriageAs we gathered listener feedback about the first 100 episodes of the Allender Center Podcast, one of the questions that stood out was about how we respond to dissociation in our relationships. So this week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, to talk about how they have experienced the effects of dissociation in their marriage, ultimately choosing connection over isolation.2016-10-2923 minThe Allender Center PodcastTraining Wounded Healers, Part TwoLast week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan launched a new series exploring our signature Training Certificate, a year-long program that guides individuals through engagement with their own stories of harm and trauma for the sake of learning to offer healing and restoration in the stories of others. This week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, who shares about her own experience of going through the Training Certificate and the impact that it continues to have in her life.2016-03-1221 minThe Allender Center PodcastHome for the Holidays, Part 3Last week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender discussed their experiences of welcoming guests into their home. This week, as we continue our series about all of the complexity of the holidays, Dan is joined by his daughter-in-law Sassy to talk about the other side of that interaction: how to hold and offer goodness when you are a guest entering someone else’s home.
2015-12-1924 minThe Allender Center PodcastHome for the Holidays, Part 2This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender continue our series about engaging the holiday season in all of its beauty and complexity (you can listen to part one here). Dan and Becky reflect on their experiences of welcoming guests into their home, exploring what it looks like to receive others in hospitality and kindness, in a manner that is life-giving to the guests and the hosts.2015-12-1222 minThe Allender Center PodcastHome for the HolidaysThis week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender launch a new series reflecting on the holiday season—and all of the complexity it brings.2015-12-0521 minThe Allender Center PodcastGrandparentingLast week on The Allender Center Podcast, we shared a conversation with Dan Allender and his daughter, Amanda, and son-in-law, Jeff, as they welcomed their newborn daughter. (Listen here: Grace Is in the World.) This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, reflect on the glory of a new life in the world and the experience of becoming grandparents again.2015-11-2824 minThe Allender Center PodcastGrace Is in the WorldIt seems appropriate that, on the heels of our six-part Marriage series, Dan and Becky flew to New York to welcome their new granddaughter into the world. This week on the podcast, Dan is joined by his daughter Amanda, his son-in-law Jeff, and their cooing, hiccuping baby, Grace Harper.2015-11-2122 minThe Allender Center PodcastMarriage: Becoming One Flesh, Part 1This episode marks the conclusion of our six-part Marriage series, a conversation between Dan and Becky Allender. In case you missed any of it, you can still catch up on past episodes, including Leaving (Part One, Part Two), Cleaving (Part One, Part Two), and Part One of Weaving.2015-11-1423 minThe Allender Center PodcastMarriage: Becoming One Flesh, Part 1On this week’s podcast, Dan and Becky Allender continue our six-part Marriage series, which began with Leaving (Part One, Part Two), moved to Cleaving (Part One, Part Two), and ends with Weaving—what it means for a couple to weave together as one flesh. To put it another way, we’re talking about sex.2015-11-0722 minThe Allender Center PodcastMarriage: Cleaving and Soul Connecting, Part 2On this week’s podcast, the fourth part of our ongoing Marriage series, Dan and Becky Allender continue talking about the idea of a couple cleaving together, by looking at the contempt and bitterness that can take root and create so much division in a relationship.2015-10-3122 minThe Allender Center PodcastMarriage: Cleaving and Soul ConnectingThis week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender continue our series on Marriage: Leaving, Cleaving, and Weaving. In Part One and Part Two of this series, Dan and Becky reflected on the difficulties they encountered in leaving their families of origin and growing in love and loyalty toward each other. Here, they discuss the idea of cleaving together, being bonded to each other in the sort of one-heartedness that marks a life-giving marriage.
2015-10-2522 minThe Allender Center PodcastMarriage: The Trials of Leaving, Part 2This week on The Allender Center Podcast, in part two of our Marriage series, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, continue to talk about what it looks like to leave our families of origin and grow in love and loyalty for one another.2015-10-1722 min