Shows
Battle Royale: French Monarchs57.5 - Marguerite de Valois (Queen Margot), Part 1The last surviving of the Valois, this beautiful and intelligent princess is often seen as either a victim or a villain, but the memoirs she left behind and the reevaluation of modern historians show a different side to her story. She was a woman who struggled to find agency and self-determination in a world where the cards were stacked against her from the start. Can Margot break free of her abusive, conniving family and help bring an end to the senseless violence that engulfs her country?Stay tuned for Part 2, where we learn Margot's ultimate...
2024-09-121h 02
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRanking Roundup #3 - The House of ValoisAu revoir, Valois! We have now ranked all the kings of France belonging to the House of Valois, the cadet branch of the Capetian dynasty which reigned supreme from 1328 to 1589. Before they take a well-earned break and start gearing up for the Bourbon kings, Ben and Eliza step back to re-examine the Valois. Who did the best? Who did the worst? And who escaped the guillotine?Spoilers incoming, obviously!Our outro music is Hildegard von Blingin's cover of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel. Thanks to Hildegard for a bunch amazing bardcore remixes...
2024-08-2446 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs54 - Henry IIHe's the husband of Catherine de' Medici, the lover of Diane de Poitiers, the father-in-law of Mary, Queen of Scots. Can Henry II stand out in a period dominated by these legendary women? How will he fare against the might of the Hapsburg Empire? And how will he reconcile his religion with the unlikely allies he has to make?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show o...
2024-06-091h 23
Battle Royale: French Monarchs53 - Francis I (Part 2)It's time to pass judgement on Francis I, deciding whether or not King Big-Nose deserves the guillotine! With this monarch, we enter a new age of Protestant rebellions, American colonialism and Hapsburg domination. Did Francis rise to meet these new challenges, or was he just a blustering fool?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get ac...
2024-04-271h 23
Battle Royale: French Monarchs53 - Francis I (Part 1)The long-awaited Renaissance king has finally arrived! This episode we go through the big moments his life from birth to death, from his famous meeting with Henry VIII at the Field of Cloth of Gold to his disastrous imprisonment in Spain. Next episode, we will be examining Francis's reign and legacy in further detail, and determining whether or not he will escape the guillotine!⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.Y...
2024-04-211h 09
Battle Royale: French Monarchs52.5 - Louise of SavoyFrom unwanted daughter to first lady of France, this episode we chart the gradual rise of Louise of Savoy - the mother, mentor and "great regent" of King Francis I. We'll see how she measures up to other French rulers of her time, and see whether she gets to sit in the VIP Box with our other impressive matriarchs.⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also suppor...
2024-04-071h 23
Battle Royale: French Monarchs52 - Louis XII (Part 2)Now that we've done his life, let's pass judgement on Louis XII, AKA the Porcupine! Does he deserve a place among the great kings of French history, or is he just another snack for the guillotine?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives, bonus biographies and our exclus...
2024-03-241h 27
Battle Royale: French Monarchs52 - Louis XII (Part 1)After a life spent in second place to his royal cousins, how will the Duke of Orléans fare with his new promotion to King of France?Stay tuned for Part 2, where we discuss Louis's legacy and rate him, with special appearances from porcupines, vipers and bees (oh my!). ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get...
2024-03-171h 09
Battle Royale: French Monarchs51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 2) In Part 2, we learn of Anne's second marriage and her ultimate fate! Does she deserve the score she got? Were the unicorn tapestries inspired by her? Was she the Taylor Swift of her time? Flock to our social media and let us know! Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus con...
2024-03-031h 16
Battle Royale: French Monarchs51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 1)This episode, we take a brief detour from the Valois boys to visit gorgeous Brittany and give our latest queen, Anne, her own episode, as she was also a fierce ruler in her own right, and fought for her independence from a very young age.In Part 1, we learn about Anne's early life, her dangerous liaisons with the Austrian Hapsburgs, and her complicated first marriage to Charles VIII of France. But things will get even messier and more dramatic in Part 2, when we learn of Anne's ultimate fate and see if she deserves to be considered one...
2024-02-251h 05
Battle Royale: French Monarchs51 - Charles VIII (Part 2)As we reach the shocking end of Charles the Affable, we'll see how he measures up to his fellow kings of France. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives and bonus judgements. Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Roya...
2024-02-111h 15
Battle Royale: French Monarchs51 - Charles VIII (Part 1) Charles VIII's exciting and storied reign takes us on an adventure (i.e. invasion) of Italy at the height of the Renaissance and all the soap-opera-worthy drama of the Medici, Sforza and Borgia families. In Part 1, we learn what led him to this fateful expedition, and how he did with his great ambition to conquer the Kingdom of Naples. Apologies for the audio quality this episode, which is not up to our current standard. We had to use a backup file for Eliza's audio and the quality was not as good as usual. ⚜️ Visit o...
2024-02-0453 min
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRegency of Madness - Results & Quiz!It's time for us to close up a loose end and finally announce the winner of the Regency of Madness mini-tournament. And to help refresh our memories, Ben has also trapped Eliza in a quiz! So put on your thinking chapeaux, and get ready for some Valois trivia.SPOILERS (obviously) for everything that happened in our Regency of Madness miniseries. We hope you enjoyed the ride!ALSO, this Saturday, come join a group of us Rexypod hosts in a Youtube livestream of "King of the Castle"! Message us your thoughts!
2024-01-2929 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs50.5 - Anne of FranceAlso called Anne de Beaujeu or Madame la Grande, this princess inherited all the best traits of her father the Universal Spider. Like him she was cunning and ruthless, yet she also had an eye for art and literature, updating the court for the new Renaissance era. Sadly for France, as a woman she would never become queen, but she did rule the realm for almost a decade on behalf of her little brother Charles VIII. Yet still, in the modern day, Anne of France is usually overshadowed by other great women of the 16th Century like...
2024-01-201h 31
Battle Royale: French Monarchs50 - Louis XI (Part 2)Louis XI, the Universal Spider, is perhaps the ultimate antihero. We've rooted for him every step of the way as he takes down his enemies and returns France to its former glory. But how will this translate in his scores? Will he beat Charles VII, the father he loathed? And will he be deemed worthy to escape the guillotine?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show o...
2024-01-071h 10
Battle Royale: French Monarchs50 - Louis XI (Part 1)France may be out of the Hundred Years' War, but it's not out of the woods, and none knows this better than the suspicious, cynical and sinister character that is Louis XI. After an early life spent bickering with his father and fellow princes, Louis comes to the throne with a vengeance. But will his ambitions get the better of him?Next episode, things get juicy as we delve into the everyday life of this controversial king, and how he governed his realm. Will he be sent to the guillotine? Tune in next week!Message...
2023-12-311h 04
Battle Royale: French MonarchsIntroducing Battle Royale: French MistressesWe hope you are all enjoying the festive season! We have a very special Christmas present for you all this year, and it's the gift of the scandal, skullduggery and saucy shenanigans that are in store as we commence our much-anticipated spinoff series ranking all the official mistresses of France from Agnès Sorel to Madame du Barry.Thank you to Rob from the Totalus Rankium podcast for composing our theme for this new series!This episode is just a teaser for what awaits you if you sign up to the "Boudoir" tier on our P...
2023-12-2312 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs49 - Charles VIIHe may be "Charles the Victorious", for finally ending the Hundred Years' War, but this king has a somewhat mixed reputation among historians. This episode, we learn what happened after Joan of Arc and the Regents of Madness, and how France recovered from a century of devastation. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bo...
2023-12-171h 28
Battle Royale: French Monarchs48.5 - Joan of Arc (Part 2)It's all downhill from here.🔥⚜️Recommended reading from this episode:
Helen Castor, Joan of Arc: A History
Larissa Juliet Taylor, The Virgin Warrior: The Life and Death of Joan of Arc
Nancy Goldstone, The Maid and the Queen: The Secret History of Joan of Arc
⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our...
2023-12-0353 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs48.5 - Joan of Arc (Part 1)The Maid of Orléans is well-known for having taken the intricate chessboard of the Hundred Years' War, tipped it upside down, kicked it across a field and scored a game-changing goal for the Blues after decades of decline. In the first of her well-earned 2-parter, we follow Joan of Arc's rise to prominence from peasant to saviour, and conclude at the moment of her greatest glory. But that means it's all downhill into tragedy and scandal for Part 2...⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make su...
2023-11-2659 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs48 - Charles VIIt's now time to review the life and deeds of the "mad king" himself, Charles VI. In this episode, we talk about what the king was like before his mental illness took over, and what the darkest period of the Hundred Years' War was like from his tragic perspective.⚜️Music used in this episode:"Virtutes Instrumenti", "Lagoa v2"Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review o...
2023-11-191h 15
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRegency of Madness 5/5 - Charles of Orléans VS John of Bedford - ft. PassedOur final two Regents of Madness bring the Hundred Year's War to its apotheosis. Henry V's brother Bedford was Charles VI's regent at the very end of his life, but Ben has uncovered that this English occupier was so much more than just a villain in our story. Meanwhile Veronica from Passed Podcast joins us once again, this time to take us through Charles of Orléans epic journey from orphan to rebel to POW to poet, and finally to peacemaker.But the Regency of Madness is not entirely finished! It's now up to YOU to VOTE o...
2023-11-062h 07
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRegency of Madness 4/5 - Isabeau of Bavaria VS Yolande of Aragon - ft. QueensKaty from Queens Podcast joins us for the showdown of showdowns: Isabeau VS Yolande, the Queen of France VS the "Queen of Four Kingdoms". As we go through their lives, we see the Hundred Years' War from the women's perspective and address some of the most controversial aspects of these queens' lives - from Isabeau's alleged affair during her husband's madness, to Yolande's ambitious conspiracy to make Joan of Arc "a thing".Once again, make sure you grab your tickets for Intelligent Speech on November 4th 2023 and use the discount code ROYALE at checkout!⚜️ ...
2023-10-301h 48
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRegency of Madness 3/5 - John the Fearless VS Bernard of Armagnac - ft. Grand Dukes of the WestGet your tickets for Intelligent Speech Online (November 4th 2023) and use discount code ROYALE Josh Zucker from the Grand Dukes of the West podcast joins us to talk about yet another Duke of Burgundy, John the Fearless. And while John may not match his father for statecraft or shrewdness, he more than makes up for it in scandaliciousness. How will Ben's rival candidate, Bernard of Armagnac, fare against John in this posthumous showdown?In this episode you'll hear a rendition of "Reveillez-Vous, Picards", a folk song sung by Burgundian soldiers in the 15th Century. If...
2023-10-242h 08
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRegency of Madness 2/5 - Louis of Bourbon VS John of Berry - ft. PassedVeronica from Passed podcast joins us for our second foray into the regents of Charles VI. This time, we're covering his two remaining uncles. Veronica will cover Louis II, Duke of Bourbon (the nice uncle) while Ben covers John, Duke of Berry (the fun uncle). Which of them will Eliza deem to be the superior regent?While Bourbon looks out for his nephew's best interest and Berry throws another raucous feast, the Orléans-Burgundian rivalry rages on in the leadup to the disastrous Battle of Agincourt.This episode features a couple snippets of 14th Century c...
2023-09-241h 40
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRegency of Madness 1/5 - Philip the Bold (of Burgundy) VS Louis of Orléans - ft. Grand Dukes of the WestJosh Zucker from the Grand Dukes of the West podcast joins us for the first episode in our 5-part miniseries on the regents of King Charles VI of France. This episode, we're pitting Josh's candidate Philip of Burgundy against Ben's candidate Louis of Orléans, and seeing which of them Eliza deems to be the supreme regent. In this episode, we'll see the kickoff of the infamous rivalry between the Orléanist and Burgundian branches of the House of Valois. And if you think this episode is chaotic, you ain't seen nothing yet! Throughout this ep...
2023-09-172h 07
Battle Royale: French MonarchsSpecial Announcement! - Intelligent Speech Conference 2023Go to intelligentspeechonline.com to get your early bird tickets for 4 November! And stay tuned for more announcements about when Ben will be speaking and what his topic will be.Remember to use the discount code "Royale" to get a further 10% off!⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movi...
2023-07-1603 min
Battle Royale: French MonarchsBastille Day D&D Special - The Beast of Saint UlphiaTo celebrate both the National Day of France and the second anniversary of the podcast, Ben is running a game of Dungeons and Dragons with Eliza and three special guests, inspired by the beast of Gévaudan, the legend of Saint Ulphia, and numerous other easter eggs from the podcast which astute listeners can find! Check out Roberto’s podcasts History of Saqartvelo Georgia and Tsar Power, as well as Bry and Fry’s podcast Pontifacts! Thanks again to all three for joining us to celebrate this special day and play our silly game. ...
2023-07-142h 46
Battle Royale: French Monarchs47 - Charles V (Part 2)In the second half of our Charles V episode, we give him his scores and decide whether or not he should be admitted to the Battle Royale Tournament. In this episode, we get to see in great detail what Charles's court was like, thanks to the writing of Christine de Pizan (A WOMAN?!), plus we delve into some trouble in paradise between him and his cousin-wife Joan of Bourbon. Also he, like us, is a big fan of castles and libraries, and stayed away from forests and horses...⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images...
2023-06-191h 07
Battle Royale: French Monarchs47 - Charles V (Part 1)The Hundred Years' War rages on, and the young Dauphin Charles upon becoming king is one of the most scrawny, disease-addled kings we've ever had. But with some strategic alliances, some tax reforms, and a bit of help from a random knight emerging from the woods, he just might be able to turn this ship around.Listen to the end for "Pope Slap 2: Revenge of the Pope" (AKA the Western Schism). And stay tuned for Part 2 of Charles V, in which we'll be giving Charles his score and going into more detail about his rule...
2023-06-161h 04
Battle Royale: French Monarchs46 - John IIHow good was John the Good? Despite his dedication to honour and chivalry, John's reign is a hot mess, starting with the first outbreak of the Black Death, escalating into a murderous blood feud with Charles the Bad, and ending with a fun "holiday" with the Black Prince. Is John's personal courage and hutzpah enough to get him into the tournament, or will his lack of patience and wisdom be his downfall?Check out our friend Josh's podcast Grand Dukes of the West to learn more about the powerful land that will become a real t...
2023-06-012h 05
Battle Royale: French Monarchs45 - Philip VIThere's SO MUCH to cover in this episode! We didn't plan for a 2-parter and the recording ended up being very long, so we put a poll across our social media (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram) and a narrow majority voted for us to release it all at once, so DEAL WITH IT.You'll hear a snippet of Gustav Holst's "Mars" (performed by the Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra) at the halfway point when the Hundred Years' War officially starts. If you would prefer to listen to the episode in 2 parts, that's a good point to take a break....
2023-05-182h 20
Battle Royale: French MonarchsCapetian Retrospective with Dr Gary Girod (The French History Podcast)As the final capstone to the Direct Capetian Kings of France, we've invited Gary from THE French History podcast to talk power centralisation, the Crusade craze and the original Louvre fortress. We also get Ben recapping our history in a bad Scottish accent, and Eliza airing a controversial opinion about the Supermario brothers. In 2 weeks we will return with the first king of a fresh spicy new family: the Valois!!! Though as I've said many times, I can't promise them a smooth start...⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and mo...
2023-05-011h 17
Battle Royale: French MonarchsRanking Roundup #2Before we delve into the Valois kings and the Hundred Years' War, it's time to take a breath and have a look back at the dynasty of Hugh Capet, and how they've compared to kings that came before. This latest series of episodes has certainly had its share of dark horses and shocking upsets. To follow our discussion today and see how all our kings and emperors are ranking, head to our new Leaderboard!⚜️ Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen!You can also...
2023-04-1752 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs44.5 - Joan II of Navarre (ft. The Black Death!)Born into scandal and passed over for the throne several times, Little Jeannette finally got herself a throne at the age of 16, albeit not the one she had probably wanted... Nonetheless, Joan made the best of a bad situation and proved herself just as good as (if not better than) her male usurpers... that is, until a certain plague came knocking.Memento mori. - Remember, you will die.The main source for this episode (aside from Ben's extensive plague knowledge) was Elena Woodacre's 2013 book "The Queens Regnant of Navarre". Would highly recommend checking it out...
2023-04-051h 26
Battle Royale: French Monarchs44 - Charles IV (ft. Isabella the She-Wolf)In 1325, the Queen of England returns to her native France, and this time the She-Wolf is out for blood...Oh, and Charles IV is also here! Will the runt of the Capetian litter be able to break the Curse of the Templars? Well, the short answer is a big fat NOPE. With the Hundred Years' War and the Black Death right around the corner, the omens are looking ominous. The Golden Century of St Louis is at an end, and France is about to plunge into an era of true calamity. But hey, at least...
2023-03-201h 27
Battle Royale: French Monarchs43 - Philip VPhilip the Tall is not only built like a maypole, but has some fantastic ideas about how to get France out of its crisis period. As the middle son of the great Philip IV, he may have been overlooked in his youth, but now it's time for him to step over the corpse of his infant nephew, shove aside his 4-year-old niece and claim the crown for himself. While he definitely gets an A for Effort, Philip is about to find out that doing your best sometimes just isn't good enough, especially when you're dealing with natural d...
2023-03-071h 01
Battle Royale: French Monarchs42 - John IJohn the Posthumous (born after the death of his father) had a long and successful reign. The end.We also have a quiz this episode! Have a look on our Wordpress for the quiz questions and this episode's Enchanté Images. ⚜️ Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen!You can also support the show on:Ko-Fi, where you can buy us a coffee and contribute a small amount to the show.Patreon, where you can join the official Angry Mob and get acces...
2023-02-251h 04
Battle Royale: French Monarchs41 - Louis XLouis "le Hutin" (the Turbulent, Quarrelsome or Stubborn) is yet another Louis with big shoes to fill - both from his formidable father Philip IV and from his zealous namesake Saint Louis IX. But Louis has very little time to deal with famines, curses and civil unrest. He's too busy playing his favourite new sport: tennis!As if he didn't have enough balls in his court (see what I did there?), Louis's reign begins with a scandal at the very core of the French royal family; the infamous Tour de Nesle Affair. That's right, we're FINALLY talking...
2023-02-131h 19
Battle Royale: French Monarchs40 - Philip IVPhilip the Fair, also called "the Iron King", is about to prove himself a real dark horse in our little competition! Quiet but cunning, from a young age he proved himself a very prudent man but not afraid to execute ruthless moves when he needed to. As well as fighting wars on all fronts, Philip consolidated and improved upon the gains of previous kings using a very special new weapon ... LAWYERS. He'll use them to ensnare even the most untouchable enemies, from the holy order of the Templars to the Pope himself. Let the reign of the...
2023-01-301h 50
Battle Royale: French Monarchs39.5 - Joan I of NavarreJoan I became Queen of Navarre at 18 months old, and Queen of France at 12 years old. Due to her age and gender, she was prevented from taking a very active role in either kingdom. Her life saw an endless barrage of men trying to dim her light - from the cold man she married, to the foes invading her lands, to the vindictive bishop who may have cursed her with witchcraft. But throughout her tragically brief existence, Joan handled herself with a grace and dignity that set the bar high for the next generation ... not least her sole surviving...
2023-01-221h 29
Battle Royale: French MonarchsVercingetorix (Patreon Teaser)Eliza is under the weather, but we didn't want to leave you guys without an episode! So we're taking a break from the 13th Century and going back into the 1st... BC. This is a special release of our Patreon episode about Vercingetorix, King of the Gauls, who unified his people and fought to the bitter end against the conquest of Julius Caesar.Join our Angry Mob at the Economy+ tier at patreon.com/battleroyalepodcast, to access all our other Patreon episodes, including:- Ranking the Noble Houses of France (c.1000CE)- Ratatouille (film...
2023-01-161h 18
Battle Royale: French Monarchs39 - Philip IIIPhilip the Bold's reign doesn't get off to a great start. Not only is his father dead, but he is sick with dysentery, losing a siege on the failed Eighth Crusade. Once he's made his way back to France, will he be able to do his father's legacy justice, or will dysentery once again get the last laugh?Back in Paris, Philip's court is rife with faction-fighting between an excess of Capetian princes and a rising class of bureaucrats. But the real conflict happens between Ben and Eliza, as he tries to explain what an "appanage" is...
2022-12-111h 45
Battle Royale: French Monarchs38 - Saint Louis IXWhen Louis IX comes of age, taking over from his mother and regent Blanche, France finds itself at the apex of its medieval golden age. The young king manages to prove his mettle fending off English invasions and internal rebellions, bringing the royal domain's power to new heights. But kings rarely age gracefully... When thoughts turn to a risky and costly crusade, will Louis's luck run out? How will his desire to purge France of its sins effect his people for better and for worse? And does he ultimately deserve to be our only king to...
2022-11-281h 53
Battle Royale: French Monarchs37.5 - Blanche of Castile More than just a stop-gap between Louis VIII and IX, Blanche of Castile proved definitively that a woman could not only rule France but lead its armies and redefine its culture. She was the granddaughter of Eleanor of Aquitaine, who hand-picked her as a daughter-in-law to Philip Augustus, whose legacy she would uphold in the face of numerous threats; from English invasions to fanatical peasants. ⚜️ Blanche's song, Amour ou trop tard me suis pris, is performed by the Ensemble de Musique ancienne. The full recording is available on YouTube and Spotify. ⚜️ Visit our Word...
2022-11-141h 49
Battle Royale: French Monarchs37 - Louis VIII This week, we get to know King Louis I of England. Yep, you heard that right! But his role as the Capetian who just about became King of England in the days of Robin Hood isn't the only fascinating thing about Louis the Lion's life. Though he was the heir for many years and king for very few, Louis manages to cram a lot of action into one life. And a lot of bubs, too! It helps when your wife is the fabulous Blanche of Castile. Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and m...
2022-11-011h 48
Battle Royale: French MonarchsHalloween Fairy Tales with Elspeth Olson This week we invited on our resident librarian Elspeth Olson to talk one of our biggest mutual interests: fairy tales! Ben and Elspeth each tell a tale from 17th Century author Charles Perrault about horrifically wronged women, while Eliza branches out with a Japanese fairy tale about a woman who got a revenge of demonic proportions! We swear, this was not a coordinated theme...Go and follow Elspeth on Instagram, and check out her Etsy store, where she sells handmade ornaments, embroidered bookmarks and other gorgeous things! Ben's tale is "Bluebeard" from the 1900 edition of...
2022-10-161h 14
Battle Royale: French Monarchs36 - Philip II Augustus (Part 2)In the second episode on Philip II's jam-packed reign, we step back and look at the broader picture, considering how Philip ruled, the impact he made on France, and whether he truly deserved the epithet "Augustus". He quadroupled the royal domain, he cleaned up the city of Paris and he ushered in a cultural golden age. But his dealings with the Jews and Cathars gave us pause; this king is no angel. Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify...
2022-10-051h 27
Battle Royale: French Monarchs36 - Philip II Augustus (Part 1)Though he's often overshadowed by his flashy ex-boyfriend Richard the Lionheart, Philip II is one of the most famous medieval kings for a reason. So much happens in his reign, that he is the first monarch since Charlemagne who gets a two-part episode! But things aren't looking good for France at the end of Louis VII's llacklustre reign, which saw the Angevin Empire gobble up the Left of France. Through strategic marriages, sneaky plots and a crusade so stressful it made all his hair fall out, will Philip be able to turn things around, and live up to the...
2022-09-271h 53
Battle Royale: French Monarchs35 - Louis VIIOur seventh Louis, called Louis the Young, is overshadowed by practically everyone around him (his dad, his wife, his vassals, his friends, his enemies... the list goes on). But as times go, the middle of the 12th Century was certainly an interesting one. In this episode, once Louis VII gets back from his disastrous crusade and finally splits with Eleanor of Aquitaine, we witness the end of the English Anarchy in the north, the Rise of the Angevin Empire just to the west, and the looming presence of Emperor Frederick Barbarossa just to the east. Ho...
2022-09-131h 33
Battle Royale: French Monarchs34.5 - Eleanor of AquitaineOur most anticipated episode for some time has finally arrived! In this episode, we examine Eleanor's life outside of the English perspective through which she is too often seen. We mainly look at her relationship with her first husband Louis VII and her role as Duchess of Aquitaine in her own right.Is Eleanor truly great enough to sit among our VIPs to watch the final tournament? How many of our kings will she put to shame with her score?Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure...
2022-09-012h 09
Battle Royale: French Monarchs34 - Louis VILouis the Fat was so much more than an unflattering nickname. He owes a lot to his chronicler and best bro Suger for building his reputation as the first truly great Capetian king. But is that a reputation he lives up to? Find out this episode...Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen!You can also support the show on:Ko-Fi, where you can buy us a coffee and contribute a...
2022-08-151h 57
Battle Royale: French Monarchs33 - Philip IKing Philip the Amorous got his name for following his heart rather than his head, which of course got him into big trouble with the church. The chronicler monks (often from rival principalities) got carte-blanche to drag him through the mud more ruthlessly than Regina George could have dreamed of (Mean GIrls is required viewing for this podcast, by the way). But there was no stopping Philip, who kept France chugging along, out of the turmoil of the Dark Ages and towards brand new dangers: the Norman Conquest of England, the First Crusade and the ever-present threat o...
2022-08-011h 29
Battle Royale: French Monarchs32.5 - Anne of KyivShe may now be a symbol of friendship between France and Ukraine, but who was the real Anne of Kyiv?In 1060, the sophisticated and gentlehearted Anne of Kyiv finds herself a widowed queen in a strange land. She has a duty to rule in her son Philip's name, yet she is tempted into a potential scandal by the infamous Ralph of Crépy. Find out what becomes of this intriguing queen-regent, and what seating we give her in our final tournament.🌻Please help the people of Ukraine!Taking us out of hist...
2022-07-191h 08
Battle Royale: French MonarchsBastille Day Special with Tudoriferous and Ranking '76It's been 1 year since our god-awful first episode was released, and we are once again celebrating la fête nationale, this time with guests!We've pulled out all the stops for an international panel of RexyPods (podcasts with formats inspired by Rex Factor) that are also coming up to their first birthday. The six of us hosts discuss our process when it comes to podcasting about our historical niches, from our origins as friends and hosts to the eternal battle with temperamental technology and rude reviews. Tudoriferous critiques the various movers and shakers of Tudor En...
2022-07-101h 30
Battle Royale: French Monarchs32 - Henry IWhile he may be King of France, our first Henry finds himself overshadowed at every turn by mighty figures in his kingdom like Odo II of Blois, Geoffrey Martel of Anjou and a young Norman duke called William the Bastard. Despite falling off a horse as many kings do, Henry to his credit got back up again. We will see him hold his own in one of the lowest points of kingly power, ensuring another long-ish reign and the continuation of his dynasty. Will we revive his reputation from the slander of the Norman chroniclers, or will we too c...
2022-06-2859 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs31 - Robert II Robert the Wise is yet another of the lesser-known kings of France, however, an abundance of sources combined with a lengthy reign means that Ben has a lot to say about him! We hope that henceforth he will be known as a "sexy beast", with his statuesque build, charming personality and rather saucy marital record... Or at least that is was conclusion until we got to the burnings... Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen!
2022-06-151h 48
Battle Royale: French Monarchs30 - Hugh CapetSurprise!! Ben and Eliza are BACK and ready to dive into the High Middle Ages with Hugh, the first king of the Capetian Dynasty. Named for his simple white hood (capet) and known for his demure personality, he's not exactly the glorious conqueror you'd pick to be the founder of Europe's greatest dynasty. However, as we discover this episode, Hugh Capet may be more than meets the eye...Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! You can also support the show on:Ko-Fi, where you can buy us a...
2022-05-301h 31
Battle Royale: French MonarchsCarolingian Retrospective with Dr Rutger KramerWe are delighted to be joined by historian Dr Rutger Kramer on today's special episode recapping and re-examining all the Carolingians we have ranked on the podcast, from Charles Martel to Louis V. In this episode, among plenty of other topics, we talk about what the Battle of Tours really meant to the Franks, why Charlemagne is such an anomaly in this period, and why Louis the Pious might have been robbed!Rutger's "Rethinking Authority in the Carolingian Empire: Ideas and Expectations During the Reign of Louis the Pious (813-828)" is available as an open-access...
2022-05-181h 48Battle Royale: French MonarchsPatreon & Other AnnouncementsIn this minisode, Ben and Eliza attempt to pitch their Patreon despite their enduring temptation to go on tangents. Meanwhile, the main podcast will be back on 18 May 2022 with a fascinating conversation with resident Carolingian expert Dr Rutger Kramer. From then on, we will be releasing regular episodes on a fortnightly basis starting with Hugh Capet on 1 June 2022. Go to patreon.com/battleroyalepodcast to support us, get that sweet bonus content and help us decide the first movie we’re going to see.Shoutouts from this episode:· Andrew Schneider, composer...
2022-05-0918 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs29 - Louis V + Ranking Roundup!It's a series finale (of sorts) as we encounter the last king to be a direct descendant of Charlemagne. His reign is full of intrigue and scandal, from a marriage alliance that backfires horribly to Louis pissing off the WRONG archbishop. Will these kings ever learn?We will be on a brief hiatus for the next month (May 2022), but after our Ranking Roundup this episode we are keen to hear what you think of our scores so far! Who was robbed? Who benefited from blatant favouritism? We can't wait to hear your hot takes!!!Visit...
2022-04-201h 05
Battle Royale: French Monarchs28 - Lothair Lothair has a pretty smooth time getting on the throne, but once his powerful mentors start to die off, will he be able to hold his own? In this episode, we see a particularly violent king and a particularly conniving queen... whom the bishops try to ignore as they bring the abacus back to France and tell the monks to stop wearing leggings. Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Go to our Ko-Fi to buy us a coffee and contribute to the show!Message us your thoughts!
2022-04-061h 23
Battle Royale: French Monarchs27.5 - Gerberga of SaxonyIt's been too long since we talked about a powerful queen-regent. There have been "no girls allowed" in Neustria since the notorious Queen Fredegund! But at last, Gerberga is here to break the curse and become the first (sort of) Queen-Regent of France. As a relation to several "the Greats", including Otto, Hugh and (we don't talk about) Bruno, our Gerberga was quite the catch for young King Louis IV. But will she prove interesting enough to ascend to the VIP box with Fredegund? Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!
2022-03-301h 12
Battle Royale: French Monarchs27 - Louis IVAfter a childhood spent across the sea in England, it's time for Louis d'Outremer to show us if he learned anything from his time as Uncle Athelstan's ward... anything? Louis's reputation might not be promising, but he is far from a Do-Nothing King, and his life is a tale full of twists and turns, from a surprising amount of ambushes to a suspiciously convenient marriage to a widow.Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!Go to our Ko-Fi to buy us a coffee and contribute to the show!
2022-03-151h 09
Battle Royale: French Monarchs26.5 - Hugh the GreatThough he refused the crown, Hugh the Great remains too major to overlook in this period of French history. So, join us as we decide whether he deserves to watch our final tournament from the VIP Box. With humble clothes to hide his thirst for power, Hugh is more than meets the eye, with a third of France under his control. How does he get on with the rambunctious boy-king Louis IV? Will he ensure the continued success of the Robertian Dynasty? And do we have another misleading epithet on our hands?In light of the current...
2022-03-081h 12
Battle Royale: French Monarchs26 - RudolphRudolph the Red-Nosed Reind -- I mean, Frankish monarch -- never asked to be the king, but his wife Emma sure did, so when her father died she hugged Rudolph's knees and never let go. While considered a Robertian, Rudolph in fact belongs to the Bivinid branch of the Bosonid Dynasty, being the nephew of Nosebleed-Section resident Boso of Provence. Will the "glorious wolf" be a scheming trickster like his uncle, or follow in the footsteps of the humble and honourable Robertians he married into?Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details a...
2022-02-281h 41
Battle Royale: French Monarchs25 - Robert I The posthumous son and namesake of Robert the Strong was a thorn in the side of our last king, Charles the Simple. Now that he's stepped up to take on the big job, will he be able to Make France Great Again and kick out all the pesky Vikings and Germans? Get ready for a deep-dive into the Battle of Soissons in 923 CE, and what REALLY happened on the field of Charles's defeat... Also, at the end of the episode, Future Ben and Future Eliza read out the lovely Apple Podcast reviews you guys have left us!! Ma...
2022-02-211h 11
Battle Royale: French MonarchsValentine's Day with "Love is Dead"Bonne Saint-Valentin! Today we are taking a brief sojourn from our Frankish kings to share three love stories from French history, from the 12th century to the modern era. Eliza will be discussing medieval lovers Héloïse and Abélard, Ben will be talking about queer artist Rosa Bonheur, and our special guest Rachel Dyer will be talking about French-American princess Betsy Patterson.Go listen to Rachel’s podcast Love is Dead for more historical heartbreaks and hot takes!Featured music:Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”, Medieval Bardcore Version by Beedle the Bardcore.“Clog Dance” f...
2022-02-141h 38
Battle Royale: French Monarchs24 - Charles the Simple He may be called simple, however, his reign is anything but. Sit tight as we take you on a roller coaster, from a weak little boy at the mercy of his nobles to... a weak old man at the mercy of his nobles. But it's all about the journey, not the destination, and our fourth (or third?) Charles's reign is one hell of a ride - from the murder of an archbishop to Vikings attending French classes. That's right, the NORMANS are here, and people are MAD about it! Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, c...
2022-02-092h 03
Battle Royale: French Monarchs23 - OdoIt's time to see if the long-awaited son of Robert the Strong turns out to be an O-do or an O-don't! And if that dad joke wasn't enough to entice you, then Eliza's excitement for this king certainly will, as she makes plans to name a goldfish after him. But of course no description of this episode would be complete without a tease of the SIEGE OF PARIS, the great Viking assault that you may have seen dramatised in the show Vikings or the game Assassins' Creed. But here you will get the REAL story, as told b...
2022-02-011h 43
Battle Royale: French Monarchs22 - Charles the FatAfter decades in the background of our Carolingian series, it is time for the large-and-in-charge Emperor Charles to come to the fore and lead West Francia to ... well, greatness is a strong word. Plagued by poor health and a lack of heirs, will Charles the Fat be able to steady the sinking ship, or will he allow the Carolingian empire to shatter once and for all?Things to look forward to in this episode include a baby getting possessed by a demon, an empress undergoing a literal Trial by Fire, bishops cracking Viking skulls with their hefty...
2022-01-242h 04
Battle Royale: French Monarchs21.5 - Boso of ProvenceBy popular demand, everyone's (least) favourite clown has arrived to crash the Carolingian party! As the first non-Carolingian ruler within Charlemagne's empire and an extremely controversial figure in his time, we thought it only fitting that we cover him in a special episode. In this episode, we discuss Boso's rise to power on the coattails of his sister Richilde, who successfully seduced the ageing king Charles the Bald. We then go through how he unsuccessfully governed Italy, forcibly married Princess Ermengarde, and rescued the Pope from Moorish pirates. A man of contradictions is our Boso...A...
2022-01-181h 22
Battle Royale: French Monarchs21 - Carloman II + Quiz #2Listen to our friend Roberto's podcast, History of Saqartvelo Georgia!Hot off the heels of his brother and co-ruler Louis III, will Carloman II be able to save the West Franks from the Viking menace? No? It just gets worse? Oh, dear.Prepare yourself for the most horrifying horrors of the Viking age, forcing even our scribe Archbishop Hincmar to flee his church as the Annals of St Bertin come to their climactic end.Stay tuned also for our quiz at the end of the episode! Let us know if you managed to...
2022-01-121h 30
Battle Royale: French Monarchs20 - Louis IIIThe Carolingian family tree is starting to shrivel up, but Louis III is a spot of light in the darkness, known for his famous battles against the Vikings. Louis wins the battle, but can he win the war? How will he go with sharing power with his brother Carloman II? And when will Boso go away and stop annoying everyone?But perhaps the most interesting question about Louis III is... He died HOW?Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Than...
2022-01-041h 26
Battle Royale: French Monarchs19 - Louis the StammererIt's time for Louis 2: Electric Booga- Oh, wait, his reign's already over? Thankfully, Louis the Stammerer is no Merovingian, so we have bountiful evidence of what he was doing throughout his short and rather chaotic life. From facing down Robert the Strong at the mere age of 12 to having to make small talk with Pope John VIII at the Council of Troyes, Louis's life is full of awkward moments that would be bad enough without a speech impediment.Flock to social media and let us know what you thought of our second Louis, and tune i...
2021-12-281h 01
Battle Royale: French MonarchsChristmas with Pontifacts! (Patron Saints of France)The most wonderful time of the year was made even more wonderful by our first ever guests, Bry and Fry of the Pontifacts podcast, who rate all of the popes from Peter to Francis. Complemented as ever by the splendid humour of Fry and Eliza, Bry and Ben recount the tales of the five patron saints of France who have been woven into our story so far: Saint Petronilla, Saint Denis, Saint Martin, Saint Remy and Saint Radegund. This is definitely not your average Christmas episode! We've got a guy carrying his own severed head, a...
2021-12-211h 43
Battle Royale: French Monarchs18.5 - Robert the StrongThis week we're zooming in on northwestern France to talk about an initially minor nobleman named Robert. From humble(ish) origins, he will found a dynasty that will come to rival the Carolingians in the west. But what of the man himself? This week, we're talking sneaky skulduggery, bloody battles and vicious Vikings! Robert will die defending Francia from the heathens ... but the story of how he got there is a little more complicated.As he is not a king, Robert the Strong will not be eligible for the guillotine. Instead we decide from which s...
2021-12-131h 22
Battle Royale: French Monarchs18 - Charles the BaldAnother jam-packed reign, with possibly the most tricky and controversial ranking yet. A lot of deliberation was cut from the ranking segments! Will Charles the Bald make his father Louis the Pious proud, by reviving the glory of his namesake Charlemagne? Or will he be chopped up ... like a turnip?Once you have listened, what will you think of Charles the Bald? Was he a peak or a trough of the Carolingian period? Did he deserve the judgement we gave him? We are particularly keen to hear your thoughts on this one, so flock to our socials...
2021-12-071h 59
Battle Royale: French Monarchs17 - Louis the PiousCharlemagne is a hard act to follow, but Louis the Pious shows promise. Will he pull through and escape the guillotine? This lengthy episode is jam-packed with so many twists and turns of fates and loyalties, leaving us wondering what exactly to make of this unholiest of holy kings...Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.⚜️CATEGORIESB...
2021-11-302h 08
Battle Royale: French Monarchs16 - Charlemagne (Part 2)Now that we have gone through Charlemagne's life and conquests, it's now time to take a look at how he ruled, the innovations he brought to his empire and the massive legacy he left. What will be our verdict on the greatest "great" of medieval history? Is it enough to spare him from the guillotine?Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here...
2021-11-231h 45
Battle Royale: French Monarchs16 - Charlemagne (Part 1)Need more iron in your audio diet? Look no further than this week's episode, where Eliza and Ben FINALLY explore the life and conquests of Charlemagne, from birth to death. After a cold open from the Monk of St Gall and a brief recap of what we've discussed of his life so far, we explore his many military conquests, his plans for succession and how he acquired a couple of very special new crowns. Oh, but there's more! Stay tuned for next week's episode, when we give Charlemagne his scores and go much more in-depth into the j...
2021-11-161h 06
Battle Royale: French Monarchs15 - Carloman IAn important prélude to Charlemagne's episode, here we cover his younger brother. The Frankish kingdom was split nonsensically between them, and their mother was definitely playing favourites. Has this forgotten sibling Carloman earned his place in the tournament, or will he be sent to the guillotine?Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.⚜️CATEGORIESBen and E...
2021-11-0957 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs14 - Pepin the ShortIt's finally time for the Carolingians to snatch that crown from the feeble hands of the last Merovingians. This week we'll see the Franks and the Lombards finally butt heads in an epic showdown, witness a blossoming bromance between Pepin and the Pope, and discuss why Pepin the Short (like Napoleon) was probably not short. This is hopefully the last of our sketchy-audio-quality episodes. So look forward to crisp and clear sound next week with Carloman I, whose reign will be an important prelude to that of the Father of Europe himself, Charlemagne.Message us y...
2021-11-021h 06
Battle Royale: French Monarchs13 - Childeric III (Halloween Special!)We know the French detest Halloween, but we're doing a Halloween episode anyway! How could we not, when this king - the last of the Merovingian dynasty - is known as the PHANTOM KING?!When we have reviewed Childeric III in all his long-haired glory (or lack thereof), Ben will share with Eliza the incredible true story of the Beast of Gévaudan, a mysterious creature that terrorised the people of southern France in the 18th Century.Find out more about the Beast of Gévaudan from...
The beast's official website, made by a lo...
2021-10-2658 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs12.5 - Charles MartelThe long-awaited prince is here! It's time to talk about Charles Martel, victor of the legendary Battle of Tours ... but is he truly as great as his legendary name "Carl the Hammer" might imply? And does this most famous Mayor of the Palace deserve to sit up in the VIP box to watch the final tournament?Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuf...
2021-10-191h 36
Battle Royale: French Monarchs12 - Theodoric IVWith next episode's Charles Martel handing all the boring ruling, there's little for Theodoric IV to do but sit back and get wheeled around in a cart. At the tail end of the episode, we do a deep dive into the daily life of a Frankish peasant. Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.⚜️CATEGORIESBen and E...
2021-10-121h 00
Battle Royale: French Monarchs11 - Chilperic II (Daniel)After spending a number of episodes tucked away in a monastery, it's time for Daniel to come out and take the spotlight ... with mixed results! He is largely overshadowed by the epic showdown between Charles Martel and Ragenfrid.Also in the third and final of our "news segments", we are going to take a peak at what's going on in the Byzantine Empire, as they face the rising threat of the Umayyad Caliphate which will soon also strike the Franks...Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intr...
2021-10-0544 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs10 - Dagobert IIIIt's time for our most attractive king yet, Dagobert III. Weird hunch and chin-hairs aside, will he live up to his namesake Dagobert I? At the tail end of our episode, we will have another World History / News Update segment with a trip far to the east of the world the Franks knew. While the do-nothing kings are doing nothing, Empress Wu Zetian of China is doing everything, with her subjects inventing gunpowder and building architectural marvels.Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "D...
2021-09-2955 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs9 - Childebert IIIThis episode is chock-a-block, not just with the ramblings of 2 nerds who have been in Covid-19 Lockdown for too long, but also with events that are happening in the world around Childebert III (all of which he has little to no effect over). Later in the episode, Eliza will give us a little "News Update" on what's happening outside of our little slice of the Dark Ages. This week we're going to Central and South America, where a ruler called "Eighteen Rabbit" is a direct contemporary of Childebert III.Message us your thoughts!S...
2021-09-2257 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs8 - Clovis IV + Quiz!Today we've got a pitifully brief reign, so we thought we'd add in a couple extra goodies: a quiz you can follow along with at home, along with an update of how our kings are ranking so far!As ever, thanks to all of you for supporting us in these early days as we find our feet. We are so grateful to have found such a great foundation of listeners and we hope you stick around. We've got some really fun episodes ahead of us.Message us your thoughts!Support the show
2021-09-1432 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs7 - Theodoric IIIWith Theodoric, we say goodbye to Ebroin's meddling and hello again to the dynasty that will become the Carolingians. A bit of stability is nice... but at what cost to the Merovingians?As ever, make sure you visit our Wordpress site, and give us a rating if you've enjoyed us. Also follow us on social media. It's just a small way you can help grow our little community!Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for maki...
2021-09-0828 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs6 - Childeric IIWill Childeric II outstrip his brother Clothar III was King of all the Franks?This week Eliza and Ben discuss a king who fired his little brother, married his cousin, excessively beat his nobles and proved why you REALLY shouldn't go into the woods. I'm sure he'll have a very long and successful reign...Special appearance from Leodegar, the patron saint of eye-gouging.Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free...
2021-09-0130 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs5 - Clothar III (ft. Balthild)This week, it's Clothar the ... well, he doesn't have an epithet like the last two Clothars. But his mum was cool! Is being the son of a saintly queen enough to evade the guillotine though? It's time to get into the very first of the Rois Fainéants - the Do-Nothing Kings!Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.⚜️CA...
2021-08-2534 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs4 - Dagobert IGet ready to meet Good King Dagobert, who wore his trousers inside-out! What the heck is that story all about, and will our cheekiest king yet be able to escape the guillotine? You'd better listen, to find out!Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuff here.⚜️CATEGORIESBen and Eliza each...
2021-08-1851 min
Battle Royale: French Monarchs3 - Clothar IIBecoming king when he was just a baby, he definitely earned the nickname "Clothar the Young", but does he deserve to be called "Clothar the Great"? This week Ben and Eliza witness the fate of Brunhilda, the reunification of the Franks after decades of civil war, and the emergence of a new power: the Mayor of the Palace. Vague and contradictory sources make this a difficult king to rate. Is a long, stable reign enough to escape the Guillotine, or do the seeds of future destruction spell doom for Clothar II?Message us your thoughts!
2021-08-111h 00
Battle Royale: French Monarchs2.5 - FredegundWe don't have a King of All the Franks to review for about half a century, but we do have one extremely notorious queen: Fredegund. How does this dark age villainess rank compared to our kings? Her crimes include regicide, infanticide, a Red Wedding, harbouring a witch and violating the law of SANCTUARYYY.Join us again next week when we'll be continuing our line of Merovingian kings. Will Fredegund's descendants win out, or will her nemesis Brunhilda have the last laugh?Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Roya...
2021-08-041h 10
Battle Royale: French Monarchs2 - Clothar IClothar the Old will outlive all his brothers and become the next King of All the Franks... but is self-preservation alone enough to save him from the guillotine? How far will Clovis's children devolve into war and depravity, and what difficult choice lies ahead of our beloved Queen Clotilda? Find out this week on Battle Royale!Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and listen! Go check out more of their stuf...
2021-07-281h 09
Battle Royale: French Monarchs1 - Clovis IIt's time to get guillotining!!! Unless, of course, we decide our first King of All the Franks, Clovis, is worthy of being spared. Only one way to find out...Battle Royale is not liable for any injures obtained as a result of standing on a shield. That being said, Eliza is determined to see this Germanic custom recreated IRL. (But seriously ... don't.)Message us your thoughts!Support the show⚜️Battle Royale's intro/outro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Thank you to them for making this track free to use and...
2021-07-211h 16
Battle Royale: French Monarchs0 - Bastille Day Premier: Gauls, Romans and FranksDon't skip the introduction! In this episode, we explain the format of our podcast, before taking you on a concise tour through the history of France before it was France. Special appearances from woolly mammoths, Hannibal of Carthage, Julius Caesar and history's greatest cabbage farmer Diocletian. And let's not forget - loads and loads of moustachioed Gauls! Stay tuned for next week, when we'll do a deeper dive into the life of the very first king awaiting our judgement, Clovis.We apologise for the slightly haphazard audio on these early episodes: Eliza is a li...
2021-07-141h 02