Shows
Keep Me YoungEpisode 14 - Vine is Back and So are WeSubmit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod.
Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick
@popkisstheband
@niconeeek
@sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
2025-11-171h 05
Keep Me YoungEpisode 13 - Woke Is Back For Everyone But The SimsWOKE IS BACK Y’ALL and our pronouns are zoh/ran. Congratulations to NYC for inspiring a nation and having the hottest mayor and first lady we’ve ever seen.
This week Blake and Heather are basically UN ambassadors, discussing the democrats’ many wins, China’s social media laws, and the ~implications~ of a Saudi Arabian company acquiring EA and The Sims. Go off, poly sci kings! We’re not all brains, though - Heather is holding space for their somatic existence by suffering from seasonal affective disorder. They’re not like other theys!
We love to hate...
2025-11-101h 26
Keep Me YoungEpisode 11 - TikTok's Fear of Lana Del Rey's Boob Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
2025-11-041h 20
Keep Me YoungEpisode 12 - The Entitlement of the TikTok "Influencer"Welcome back and welcome home to Blake’s last minute Clearwater Home2 Suite by Hilton and Heather’s temporary LA home by a Facebook queer housing group. We’re doing great!
These days, Heather and Blake are both staying young by (checks notes) giving themselves basic care by eating and listening to music and calling friends? Not original, but Maslow would be proud. Blake is aging hard for the poor overlooked TikTok influencers of University of Miami and staying young by deep diving into the lore of Birken bags. We agree that jousting and a pillory in the tow...
2025-11-031h 31
Keep Me YoungEpisode 10 - The "Cats" Lady's New AlbumSomething has changed within us, and we’re feeling, dare I say…giddy? Happy to be alive? Maybe it’s the crispy fall air, but in this week’s episode, Blake and Heather giggle their way through the public backlash of Tay Tay’s Life of a Showgirl (more like Life of a Toddler in a Tiara, amirite). And how, in the famous words of Mother God Chris Fleming: Taylor Swift is the “spokesperson for those who haven’t achieved orgasm.”
Anywho, Heather’s staying young by rage baiting Swifties, Blake is living for the Young Republicans’ leaked group chat, no...
2025-10-201h 27
Keep Me YoungEpisode 9 - Pokemon Smash or Pass!Welcome to the very special episode EVERYONE (no one) was CLAMORING for (literally no one asked)!!! This week Blake and Heather entertain you, dear listeners, with something a little different: a Pokemon Smash or Pass. Heather doesn’t know the rules or the Pokemon or really why this game exists at all, while Blake brings years of experience and insight. They both take the game way too seriously and genuinely consider what it could be like to smash/run away with/raise a family with cartoon characters. Everyone feels young AND old. And that’s life, baybee!
Our...
2025-10-141h 18
Keep Me YoungEpisode 8 - World of Warcraft's World of War CrimesBuckle up for a lengthy and academic discussion of the least important topics you can think of this week! As if that’s not the vibe every week! Blake and Heather are staying young with Ultimatum: Queer Love, Season 2 and Asmongold’s influence over the World of Warcraft community. Take one guess as to whose is whose!
Love Island, The Bachelor, Temptation Island, and Love is Blind are all rotting our brains in the most entertaining ways, Neopets chat rooms were the site of a LOT of age inappropriate content, the WoW South Park episode is a cine...
2025-10-061h 18
Keep Me YoungEpisode 7 - WHO'S THAT POKÉMON? IT'S FASCISM!!!Well, it’s been a week. And Blake and Heather are officially bi for each other. Bi-coastal, baby!! Viewers will get to see Blake’s NYC and TX bedroom backgrounds in this ep and listeners will not notice a difference at all!
Blake is staying young in the aftermath of the Ch*rlie K*rk/Tr*mp/Jimmy Kimmel/Disney will-they-won’t-they chess game. It really does go all the way to the top. And Heather is literally aging so much they’re watching boomer reality TV now. And LOVING IT. Will Pokémon save us from a civil w...
2025-09-291h 09
Keep Me YoungEpisode 6 - Our Right Wing Grift BeginsCW: eating disorders, barfing
Happy solstice, old! Like and subscribe for our foolproof, 5-step program to become a right wing grifter! Side effects may include botched plastic surgery and disintegration of all dignity.
This week, Blake is staying young with Schadenfreude following the Trump and Elon break up, but the politics of girlhood are both aging and impressing him. Heather felt very old and confused and homophobic visiting Fire Island and not finding a public bathroom, but absolutely loved discovering neurodivergent accessibility haircut TikTok. A weighted cape? Fashion AND function!
The two spend...
2025-09-221h 05
Keep Me YoungEpisode 5 - The Children are Microdosing Gambling AddictionsWelcome back to the Labu Box! No scorpions here, just Blake being an edge lord and defending billionaires (again), Heather talking about their broken body and hot specialist doctors (again) and both hosts reliving their opera camp glory days like your dad talking about his favorite super bowl from 12 years ago.
This week, Tiny Chef is keeping Blake young and keeping all of us crying tender tears for a ball of wool. A newly discovered artifact is keeping Heather young and driving stick shift is literally causing their body to disintegrate. Blake is aged...
2025-09-151h 09
Keep Me YoungEpisode 4 - If Everyone Clenched, No One Could PoopEverybody UNCLENCH because we’re back to our regularly scheduled…schedule of Monday episode drops. Welcome back! We missed you! Did you miss us? Say it back! 😡🔪
This week some Jackbox merch is keeping Blake young somehow, Heather is escaping NYC to find the fountain of youth, and Blake dissects the politics of Nintendo Switch 2 and pizza delivery. They also discuss tamagotchi sex positions, Meredith Wilson’s The Music Man, pros and cons of engaging with idiots online, the ultimate way to genetically live forever aka having babies, and the Bobby Hill method of catcall defe...
2025-09-081h 21
Keep Me YoungEpisode 3 - Benson Please Stop BooningWell well well, if it isn’t the consequences of our choices to start a podcast without perfecting the technology first! See if you can hear how many hours Blake and Heather spent trying to remove the hum in Heather’s mic in this episode :)
This week, Heather’s gyno visit is keeping them young and mediocre Crumbl cookies are aging all of us. Blake and Heather discuss gen-Z gamer lighting design, objects that look like vaginas, the allure of the WNBA, how nice it must be to be delusional (can’t relate), making a passion into a job and then...
2025-08-251h 19
Keep Me YoungEpisode 2 - Blake's Cow D*ckTHIS JUST IN: Blake doesn’t care what pronouns you use, as long as you’re talking about him/her/them. Love wins.
This week Blake and Heather get into the usual what’s keeping us young and what’s aging them (spoiler: Blake has OPINIONS about lapel mics that aren’t on a lapel) plus botox, how many pills it takes to function in your 30s, the hotties of Ultimatum: Queer Love, Date Everything aka the only relationships Blake will ever go public about, Facebook Marketplace, the sweet relief of ADD medication, the biological requirements of being a Yo...
2025-08-251h 09
Keep Me YoungEpisode 1 - The Opera Camp that Trauma Bonded UsHEY Y’ALL and welcome to the very first episode of Keep Me Young, a podcast for anyone who has ever pretended to know about a meme/celebrity/band/video game console twitter fiasco in order to keep a conversation moving and seem like a Cool Girl™️.
In this episode, Blake and Heather revisit the fateful summer of 2015 when they first met at opera camp. Famously, Blake almost died swimming across a lake but Heather hung off a canoe to save him, Titanic style. They do a deep dive (pun absolutely intended) into the world...
2025-08-251h 00