Shows
Book FairBin Laden Split Us UpWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!The episode where we start taking about Carl Hiaasen's masterpiece "Holes" but not the episode where we talk about Carl Hiaasen's masterpiece "Holes" nearly enough. The link below goes to the video on Darwin's worm studies I'm half-remembering but it's very coooool.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEkbSV8aYrsSupport the show2025-07-1557 minBook FairA Big Advocate For Wearing Your Grandma's JewelryWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel reads "The Family That Was Still The Same Age" and Brad introduces the 44th book in the Spy Class series, "Secret Agent Public School".Support the show2025-07-0142 minBook FairThe 'Put Your Milk Away' GuyWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Should I include the book titles in the episode descriptions? Rachel debuts the blockbuster Sweaty Shivers mini-series "The Family That Was All The Same Age" and Brad re-introduces us to the Shiftfluxers series with book #3- "The Freakazoid".Support the show2025-06-171h 02Book FairI Made Him Sign A Contract To Never Sing AgainWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Just two dudes and a weirdly devastating children's book.Support the show2025-06-031h 12Book FairOne Child Left Behind (It Was Me!)Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Very important discussion about what exactly we shall call you, our adoring, adorable audience. Support the show2025-05-2057 minBook FairMorning CandyWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Support the show2025-05-0656 minBook FairHorses to Lovers or Enemies to HorsesWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!If this episode could have a middle name, it'd be "He Got His Macros From Microfiche". And if it had a last name... it would be Crowe-Book Fair-Beideman. Yes in that order.If you want to watch episodes with your eyeballs and your little worm paws on them a week earlier, check out our Patreon!Support the show2025-04-221h 01Book FairThis Book Is Too Quiet!Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Oh, how we've missed you. O child, let me look at you- it's been too long! But we're back, now and probably forever! Rachel and Brad discuss her triumphant return to Los Angeles (it was on fire and they evacuated for the first two days) and their love of these weird books they keep reading (they're so weird why are these books so weird??)! For early access to episodes and video footage, come on by and visit our Patreon!Support the show2025-04-0852 minBook FairTake The Quiz: Are You A Pumpkin Or A Rag?Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!It's the gay episode! Sure, we're late to Pride but we're also wildly early to next year's Pride (which we'll also be late to). Rachel and Brad discuss their favorite Gaysop's Fables, those antiquated stories everyone's parents read to them.Support the show2024-07-1655 minBook FairWhen A Funko Pop HatchesWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Brad and Rachel have the incredible honor of hosting Shvitzty DeLonge (yes, that DeLonge) as we discuss her life as an omnipotent being and tiny and the author of "The Day It Was 2008 Forever".Support the show2024-06-1157 minBook FairFor My Third Wish, I Want The Genie To DieWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!This week on their children's book podcast, Brad and Rachel discuss Brazilian porn star Pamela Butt. They also introduce a new segment where they read the zoom ai summaries of their previous episodes and give the ai extensive notes on what they actually meant. Brad reads from his book about a boy who finds out his bully was just released from prison and Rachel reads from her book about a fun wacky teacher who should be in prison.Support the show2024-05-281h 01Book FairAnd The Night Wind Screams, "I Can't Believe It Wasn't Butter"Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!I tote in "I Don't Know What Day My Birthday Is (Don't Worry It's Not Sad)" and Brad goes all Egyptology on our flat asses with his pick, "Tomb Robin: The Grave Robbin' Kid: Rattle of the Sphanx".Support the show2024-05-1451 minBook FairThat Kid's Gonna Grow Up To Be A StepdadWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Brad and Rachel drool over the shlubby hubs in Stepdad Magazine: CIA Edition (it's like the swimsuit edition of Sport's Illustrated). Rachel brings in a favorite, Where In The Store Is Karen Sacramento? and Brad brings in J.D. Salinger's take on Freaky Friday.Support the show2024-04-3051 minBook FairThe Heaviest Swimsuit Known To ManWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel and Brad trot in so much new lore, from the debut of Stepdad Magazine to Rachel's subterranean neighbor Chomp Gnomsky who's exactly as belligerent and semi-naked as he sounds. We also review "If I Were President, Everything Would Have Captions" by Giovanni Pumpkins and "The Magic Bee's House" series by Marleypop Otterpop.Support the show2024-04-1658 minBook FairI'm A Bit Of A Narc & A Perv (feat. Yesi Rego)Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Upside-down rights activist and author of The Inescapable World of Upside Down Versa Majora discusses her upcoming book tour, how she pees and the friendships she has with worms that people living "right" side up just wouldn't understand.Support the show2024-04-0258 minBook FairI Was Phantom of the Opera-ing a Day Camp (To No Reward)Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel and Brad are weenus deep in smut between his book The Summer We Porked and her latest installment in the President High series, Old Farts, Broken Hearts & Revolutionary Warts.Support the show2024-03-1957 minBook Fair15 Days In The CocoaWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Child starlet turned author/poacher Greef Lundgreef graces us with her presence and puts Brad in his place but really loves how much Rachel sucks up to her.Support the show2024-03-0551 minBook Fair"Roar", She RoaredWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel unveils another D.H. Donker's masterpiece from the iconic Sweaty Shivers series; "Just Add Slaughter" and Brad wheels in some bullsh*t called, "The Yesterplace in the Everhere Over by the Someveryone" by Scoober LeJeezers.Support the show2024-02-201h 00Book FairI've Got The Vibe Of Someone Who's Loved & LostWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel and Brad do, frankly, discuss his family's plane a little bit more but mostly Rachel takes a deeper dive into the life of Shivesly Dewer, author of the wildly successful "Mr. Potpourri" series about a middle-aged monkey duping his way into positions of power. Brad drags in the dregs of literature- some coloring book.Support the show2024-02-0652 minBook FairAll Of These Smoke Alarms Will Be Yours SomedayWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Airplane prince Brad walks us through The Killing of the Big Old Goose and city bus prinsuss Rachel grabs us by the elbow and yanks us through the picture book Mr. Potpourri.Support the show2024-01-2359 minBook FairBeat Up With HoovesWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Y'know, what a classic ep of Book Fair. Just a solid, fun romp through Rachel's most recent read Sweaty Shivers classic "The Old Breastfeeder" and Brad's YA bubblegum trite "Talon And Tooth: Scythe and Squeezing and Boyfriends and Bugs".Support the show2024-01-0249 minBook FairWhy Nards? (Why Nards!)Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel and Brad interview the aggressively sex pos children's author Louinda Wiles, author of the new book "There's An Old Wet Golden Retriever In The Grocery Store".Support the show2023-12-1939 minBook FairAfter A Long Day Of Plucking & CuckingWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!You don't have to hold your breath any longer- Brad shares his review of "3 Billboards Outside Ebbings, Missouri" and IT. IS. BRUUUUTAL. Also Rachel updates us on the latest installment of the President High series- "The Pants That Lost The Battle of the Bulge" and Brad talks about "Fornever and Ever And Never Or Ever".Support the show2023-12-041h 00Book FairAn Unpaid Internship At BordersWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!This one's a whopper! Rachel talks about the classic kid-horror read "Sweaty Shivers: I'm The King of Hog Castle!" and Brad walks us through the YA novel "Who Kissed My Mailman?".Support the show2023-11-211h 08Book FairHello Sharks- Would You Like To Throw Up?Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel freakin' crows about her flat spot and the installment of the hottest YA revisionist history "President High: That Lame Duck Is One Tame Fuck" and Brad shares "The 9th 7th: The 5 Of 9s", a sci-fi so fi and not at all sci that reading it does make you dumber.Support the show2023-11-0652 minBook FairDidn't He Make A Fire By Rubbing Two Eels Together?Wanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Rachel presents the pre-K read "Who Took My Package?" and Brad spills the beans on the YA thrill-an-hour "Somebody Killed Everbody".Support the show2023-10-2456 minBook FairI'm As Body Poz As The Next HogWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Brad discusses "They're Not Gay; Don't Waste Your Time" and Rachel recounts "Dinosgusting".Support the show2023-10-1058 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveNeil's ReelSend us a textHey look! A bonus episode to prove we're still alive!As Bidge recovers from surgery that was elective for her but forced on the doctors, Neil uses her hospital stay to show off his big showbiz reel. No one is surprised he's bad at press tours, except for Pigi who is surprised by everything. And while you're killing time til Season Three which we swear is coming, you can also:Check out our Patreonand our new podcast Book Fair, where we review books from our childhood that we...2023-10-0917 minBook FairWelcome to the Third Best Day of the School YearWanna talk? Get it off your chest, boo!Brad and Rachel discuss:Rachel's BookandBrad's Book.Support the show2023-09-2654 min
MeatCast: A Heathcliff PodcastRobot Week with Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweNick and Kyle are joined by comedians Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe to recap the week in Heathcliff! We also talk about mascots, caricatures, and Grandma Nutmeg's sexy legs. Plus, a new segment that makes sense and needs no explanations: Viva Heath Vegas!
Check out Brad and Rachel's podcast, Barjory Buffet: The Cruise Detective: https://apple.co/433rdFA
Send us feedback on twitter @HeathcliffRecap or send us an email at HeathcliffRecap@gmail.com!
Our theme song is Heathcliff's Meat Song by Louie Zong! Check him out at louiezong.com.
Comics featured...2023-06-291h 01
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveRated M For MovieSend us a textCriming soon to a theater near you: It’s a red carpet but from blood when a film premiere is intermissioned by an attack on a Hollywood elite! Now Barjory must pour herself a tall glass of popcorn and investigate the too many theaters of the movie cruise The Gigaplex! Presented in glorious Barjor-Y-Scope, the Smell-o-Vision of the ears.(And this is our finale before the hiatus, so check out our Patreon for weekly content in the meantime because the meantime’s usually a lot of time: patreon.com/bbthecd)...2021-11-2243 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveA Hottie in the ColdSend us a textBarjory heads down south, VERY down south, for a South Pole sleuthing. The only living things in Antarctica are her ex lovers and penguins, and we don’t even include any penguins or maybe we do but they’re just quiet and keep to themselves! (Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad BeidemanEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetVera Drew as: D...2021-11-0823 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveWide Berth for a Water BirthSend us a textIt's you vs. us vs. uterus when Barjory is kidnapped by pregnant pirates aboard a gigantic ship in a bottle. Now she has to get a mysterious treasure to Captain Stuffbeard, the pirate with stuff in his beard, and the only craving she's got is for justice! And also sugar and liquor! (Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad BeidemanEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe a...2021-10-2542 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveBetween The Scenes With Brad and RachelSend us a texthttps://www.patreon.com/bbthecdWhat a surprising treat! As a fun midseason intermission, join Brad and Rachel for the making of an episode and if you like it, keep joining us over at our Patreon!2021-10-1158 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveStormhaverSend us a textThis rain check just bounced! Bidge must stop an ultrastorm from hitting a weatherman convention, which they especially should’ve seen coming but let’s just say it these guys don’t always nail the weather! (Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetBrad Beideman as: Neil GregYesi Rego as: Lizzlie Drizzle...2021-09-2719 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveLook! It's The Future!Send us a textThe tomorrowyear of yesternow becomes the fornever of last Smunday when a World’s Fair Cruise is attacked by Barjory’s old octopedal nemesis Seth LePod! Now this adult science fair is between a wet genius, a drunk genius, a third genius trying to uninvent crime, a bunch of other ones, and then Neil. (Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweEdited by Brad BeidemanRache...2021-09-1337 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveOne Man's Trash is Another ManSend us a textBarjory climbs out of a watery grave and into the trash to stage a rematch with her nefariousest foes! Now she must navigate three villains, The Great Pacific Garbage Patch, flashbacks to her first case, former Vice President Al Gore, and a whole lotta Neil in this epic-poem-length episode!! Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad BeidemanEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetBrad Beideman as: Neil GregKaylin Mahoney as: Dr. Kelpsy QuariumWill Stryker as: Aloejandro van Alvess2021-08-3056 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveSeason Two TrailerSend us a textWait what?? Barjory Buffet season two is starting in two weeks? But that’s all, right? No???Check out our Patreon for our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, and, sorry what else? Much much more??? Aaahhh!!https://www.patreon.com/bbthecd2021-08-1602 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveIf You Lived Here, You'd Be Neil By NowSend us a textWith all the best places (cruises) closed, Barjory is forced to go to the worst place (Neil's house), and solve a crime that he honestly won't stop bugging her about.Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet Brad Beideman as: Neil GregMagi Calcagne as: Narrator, NeighborWe also have masks now! You'd better wear a mask and if you want it can be OURS!https://www.redbubble.com/i/mask/Barjory-Buffet-The-Cruise-Detective-Hawaiian-Shirt-Mask-by-bradbeideman/51808070.9G0D8...2020-08-0521 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveA Statement from Barjory BuffetBarjory makes her stance on the police really very clear.Postcards to print and send to your representative/city council member about the stupidly disproportionate police budget:https://imgur.com/a/aSdZoG9CW: Mentions of murder, police violence, sexual abuse by police2020-06-1807 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveThe Woman Who Pretended to Be Her Own TwinSend us a textBefore Barjory Buffet became the only anybody to have jurisdiction over international waters, she was an asshole in her 20’s who had no idea how to live. Barjory’s first foray into crime solving is classic story of a landlocked woman following her own horniness to bring about justice.Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet, Woman SpeakingMagi Calcagne as: Narrator2020-04-2728 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveCaricature AssassinationSend us a textProduced in response to an angry voicemail, this verbatim reading of a Dame Drewzel Scream short story is sure to please diehard fans and her son who left the voicemail. Barjory solves a crime by looking at a cartoon in a really smart and good story by the matriarch of a smart and good family. Don’t sue us please!Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe Rachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetMagi Calcagne as: Narrator2020-01-2420 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveAll the World's a Lot: LIVE!Send us a textRecorded LIVE from the Pack Theater, Bidge takes the stage to investigate an understudy who was upstaged by her own death. But can Bidge solve it before murder comes back for an encore and really hams it up this time??Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetMagi Calcagne as: Maude Yonkers, Narrator, Background VoicesKevin McCarthy as: Alvin O’Calvin, Background VoicesBrad Beideman as: Neil Greg, Background VoicesAND, vote for us in the Au...2019-10-1221 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveThe Enemy of My Enemy Is MeSend us a textBarjory's greatest foes escape the Sail Jail, hungry for a yummy snack called revenge! Oh my god! It's three versus one and a Neil in the season finale to end all episodes this season!Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet the Cruise DetectiveKaylin Mahoney as: Dr. Kelpsy QuariumWill Stryker as: Aloejandro van AlvessGreg Goodness as: CJ Seagulls the Satin SeagullBrad Beideman as: Neil GregMagi Calcagne as: Piggy Podiatrist, Narrator, Nikki McNarkols Jordan Wold as: Dr. N...2019-08-2833 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveBlood is Grosser Than WaterSend us a textWhen a prince is attacked during a hemophilia gala (the annual Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’), Barjory must solve it before the ocean runs red with wishy washy blood!Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad Beideman Edited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetEli Lutsky as: Prince GeraldoWill Stryker as: Prince NedwaldoKaylin Mahoney as: Queen Winceworth John Lemelman as: Giaccamo, Wallis Magi Calcagne as: Narrator2019-06-2114 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveDunk or DrownSend us a textBarjory investigates her wettest crime scene yet, with the help of an old friend, a basketball legend, and a guy named Chris who sets up some plot stuff and then never comes back!Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetKaylin Mahoney as: Dr. Kelpsy Quarium Kevin McCarthy as: Abernathy SharkWill Stryker as: S.A. DorkfishEli Lutsky as: Chris/Mr. RemoraMagi Calcagne as: Narrator/Peg2019-04-0630 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveMy Bidet or the HighwaySend us a textBarjory has a normal day serving as a whale bodyguard on Boston’s premiere sushi boat until something pretty unusual mucks it all up!Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad BeidemanEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetJohn Lemelman as: Puglassie, Pugnasty, Captain LeonbergerBen Ellenberg as: Lieutenant Harbormaster Gifford Roscoe Brad Beideman as: NeilMagi Calcagne as: Narrator, Piggy2019-02-1523 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveEat the Hand That Feeds YouSend us a textBarjory boards a brunch boat and gets served a heaping helping of what’s going on by mysterious competitive eater Ipso Fatso!Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetAllie Wittner as: Frittata McMuffin Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Joan2019-02-0109 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveProbable ClausSend us a textBarjory spends her holiday on the Santa Cruz Santa Cruise, where some kinda mean ole Scrooge is killing Santas! Everyone learns a lesson that giving is better than getting (getting killed, that is!!!!!), in this sort of interactive mini mystery!Edited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory BuffetPablo Escobosa as: Junior Inspector SantaWill Stryker as: Mean SantaMagi Calcagne as: Narrator2018-12-0110 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectivePut Your Money Where My Mouth IsSend us a textCruise Detective Barjory Buffet is challenged to thwart the cruise casino heist of master thief The Satin Seagull. Can she do it? Maybe with the help of a pizza robot, an obscure impersonator act, and not Neil!Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweEdited by Brad BeidemanRachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet, BuffaloonGreg Goodness as: CJ Seagulls the Satin SeagullJohn Lemelman as: Quig, Vault Guard, and Kidsino KidBrad Beideman as: NeilEli Lutsky...2018-10-3128 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveSP-Death!!Send us a textBarjory Buffet, Cruise Detective, investigates a case of deceit on the seas. Is this murder more than just a murder? No! But murder is bad by itself!! Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel CroweEdited by Brad Beideman Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet Eli Lutsky as: Otto Topsy, Blotch Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Piggy Pediatrist, Erin Van Alvess Brad Beideman as: Neil Will S...2018-09-0224 min
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise DetectiveTrailerSend us a text2018-08-2600 min