Shows
We Gauge CageButcher's Crossing (2023)We're Back! A Dinosaur StoryAnd these two dinosaurs, Brock and Brian, catch up and talk about the usual topics: eating, pooing, and animal moi-duh.Then we review Butcher's Crossing, a thriller(?) set in oldey times. Bald Nic! Get into it.2023-12-301h 29We Gauge CageThe Retirement Plan (2023)It's been a long time coming. And a quick time leaving...our memory banks. Brock and Brian have waited ages and ages for The Retirement Plan to be released. Did it live up to expectations?Speaking of "live," the boys did a little sneaky and decided to record an episode live, together, and in person during their latest bromantic getaway. They catch up on running, and not running. And then they draft their own Retirement Plans, if you will. And they will. Let's get into it!2023-11-151h 19We Gauge CageEpisode 101 - Sympathy for the Devil (2023)I bet you thought 100 Episodes was enough, didn't ya? Didn't ya? Did you not?!?Welp, Nic keeps making 'em, so we'll keep gauging 'em. Brock and Brian catch each other up with their movements over the past few months, bowel and otherwise. They pay homage to the in-movie diner with a food draft. And then they talk about this friggin' movie, the cat-and-mouse, two-hander, bottle film that was 2023's Sympathy for the Devil. Now pick a card, and don't interrupt us. It's vewy wude. Stay tuned for future regular episodes as we pl...2023-08-291h 45We Gauge CageEpisode 99 - The Old Way (2023)New Episode. Old Way?!?It's been a while. A long long while. But the blame must be placed solely on Nic Cage and his various production companies (we're looking at you, Saban...) for the lack of content by which to gauge Nic. Anywho, Brock and Brian dusted off their dusters, grew out their disgusting mustaches, and holstered their six shooters to discuss Nic's foray into Western fare. How did they fare? Tune in and find out as the boys catch up, discuss a new addition to the Ambrosii menagerie, and draft everybody's most-debated topic: Vegetables. 2023-03-261h 30We Gauge CageEpisode 98 - Saturday Night Live (1992)You asked (?) for it, you got it! Brock and Brian knocked the dust off of their microphones and recorded an episode by the people, for the people. While waiting for Nic's projects to get edited, the boys dug back into a 1992 Saturday Night Live episode that Nic hosted. Before that, they discuss their boys' night out, and draft Favorite Fruits!What a treat!2022-08-151h 26We Gauge CageBonus Episode - Paddington 2 (2017)Look, folks. If it's good enough for Nick Cage's and Javi's Top 3, it has to be good enough for this podcast to watch whilst waiting for the next Nicolas Cage movie, right? Right?!?!?Live and in person and alive and too personal, Brock joins Brian for a recap of the week that was, and the movie that was-n't....that....great. That film was 2017's Paddington 2. The boys answer the tough questions: -Did they need to watch the first movie? -Did they fall in love with this CGI bear?-Does this film make them want to...2022-05-301h 54We Gauge CageEpisode 97 - The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my babies. That's right. You didn't really think we could quit the podcast without holding out for the Nic Cage film in which Nicolas Cage plays Nick Cage in a film about Nicolas Cage, did you?!?On this episode, Brian and Brock discuss their opening-weekend, theatre-going experience to watch the meta movie The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. Before that, the lads recap their Easter weekends, and they provide their lists of the Five Essential Nic Cage Movies to Watch Before Seeing The Unbearable We...2022-04-241h 46We Gauge CageEpisode 96 - Revisited: Mom and Dad (2017)Howdy ho, neighborinos. 'Tis been quite the little while. But when your podcast is built upon a single actor's resume, and the well runneth dry between releases, then you have some gaps. Brock and Brian catch up: on Disneyworld, on DeezNutsWorld, on their families and their neighbors and all sorts of fun stuff. They have a draft of the Best Fictional Mommies. And then they rewatched 2017's "Mom and Dad," the manic horror/comedy from the guy behind "Crank" and "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance." The boys pick sides as to who came out on top: Tea...2022-04-111h 45We Gauge CageEpisode 95 - Revisited: World Trade Center (2006)The boys are back at it. Did you think that last episode had too much ball talk? Did you really expect that to change? If so, then you haven't been paying attention to this podcast. On this episode, the boys talk more balls. Big and beautiful. They talk high fashion. Then, they draft Vacation Spots (with quite possibly one of the worst picks in any draft they're ever done). After all the banter, things get rocky and heated as they dust off Brian's Top 6 (!) Nic Cage movie - World Trade Center - and...2022-02-281h 42We Gauge CageEpisode 94 - Revisited: Honeymoon in Vegas (1992)How can they keep getting away with this?Brock and Brian hop on the microphone to settle old scores (not THAT "Score to Settle"). They recap the weekend that followed the last episode. Virtual Golf. Hottest Wings. Axe Throwing. Shenanigans!Then the boys get wicked and cast aspersions with their "Movie Roles to Replace with Nic Cage" Draft. It gets...interesting. To finish it off, the hosts waste time whilst waiting for The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, and they take a look back at some of Nic's older films about which th...2022-02-062h 02We Gauge CageEpisode 93 - Nic's Bits (Various)What the heck are Nic's Bits, you ask?Well, Brock and Brian have run out of the important movies starring Nicolas Cage, so they take a trip down memory lane, back to where his career started. Brian cultivated each and every small appearance of Nic's over the many, many, many....many years. We watched each and every appearance. We gauged him. Before all of that, the boys wax poetic whilst staring into each other's eyes and holding hands, they talk friendship, and they rank the 12 films/projects that they have watched since they prematurely ended the po...2022-01-192h 00We Gauge CageEpisode 92 - Pig (2021)Ho Ho Ho-ly Pig, it's "Pig" Week!That's right, you unruly swine. Brock and Brian watched Pig. Finally. Nic Cage's highest-rated film to date. It stood atop the Rotten Tomato charts at 100% for many, many weeks. All roads lead to Pig, ladies and gentlepigs. All roads lead to Pig. Before that, the boys talk Christmas and Barf (naturally). Then they kneel and pay their respects to Robin Feld's name by hosting an epicurious and delectable draft of....Meats. 2021-12-221h 49We Gauge CageEpisode 91 - Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)Happy Birthday to the Ground! (and to Brock)And what better way to celebrate his birthday than to gift the world with his innermost thoughts? Thoughts like, "Huh?" or "Why?" or "What the Ungodly F***?!?" - which happened while watching this latest travesty of a film.Before we get into this...post-apocalyptic, Western, Kabuki, horror, steampunk, action disaster called "Prisoners of the Ghostland," the boys talk postpartum, they trade hot tips on Christmas Decor, and they draft their ultimate Torture Playlists. Enjoy!2021-12-081h 42We Gauge CageEpisode 90 - Willy's Wonderland (2021)Wowzers in the trousers, if you know what I mean. Brock and Brian went a little long. Went a LIT-TLE long on this one. They talk Tay Tay, we spill ALL the neighborhood tea...but most importantly, we talk at lengths about Brock's new haircut....and then Brian gives a little/tiny/blink-and-you'll-miss-it blurb of breaking news whatever let's move on! We have a real crotchety, grumpy-gills Draft! Brock and Brian watched Willy's Wonderland this week. It had potential! It fit the description of "Man vs. Machine." It....didn't have much else going for it. ...2021-11-172h 08We Gauge CageEpisode 89 - History of Swear Words (2021)It's not a trick, ladies and gentlemen. Treat yourselves to a shallow dive into the wild world of Nic Cage's hosting work. In the bowels of 2021, Netflix released a 6-episode docuseries about....you guessed it...the History of Swear Words, hosted by Nicolas Cage. Brian and Brock chose to watch 3 episodes, focused on F**K, SH*T, and P*SSY. Clearly, the classiest and cleanest episode of this entire podcast's history ensues. Before that, they talk Halloweeeeeeeen!!!! Mostly. Indulge!2021-10-311h 52We Gauge CageEpisode 88 - The Croods: A New Age (2020)Finally. The Croods. We made it, ladies and gentlemen! We've reached the top. This movie was sorely needed after last episode's sorry fiasco excuse for a film. Brian and Brock grabbed their toddlers and watched The Croods: A New Age, the sequel we didn't even know we wanted. Before that, the boys talk about *shocker* poop. They draft their favorite Non-Disney/Pixar Animated Movies. And they express their love for one another. Enjoy! Or don't. I'm not your dad. 2021-10-181h 54We Gauge CageEpisode 87 - Jiu Jitsu (2020)This movie is that 2020 was...An under-produced, lassez-faire, "Who gives a care," cluster**** of a film. Make no mistake: This is not the least favorite Nic Cage film that the boys have ever watched. But this is the WORST film that the boys have ever watched. Before jumping into this floppy, flaccid martial art film, Brock and Brian talk Pumpkin Patchin' and Apple Pickin' (tis the season), and they even the playing field by drafting Attractive Celebrity Men over the Age of 51 that Can Still Get It!Enjoy. 2021-10-041h 44We Gauge CageEpisode 86 - Grand Isle (2019)It's a wild one. Brock and Brian discuss the finer points of owning a newly built, fully-haunted house. They zig where they should've zagged and introduce an impromptu draft topic, appreciating beauty in its...mature form.And then the boys try to make heads or tails of this southern, periodic Confuser (as opposed to Thriller). Enjoy.2021-09-202h 12We Gauge CageEpisode 85 - The Color Out of Space (2019)Oh, ladies and gentlemen. This ain't your daddy's color out of space...That's right. The COoS is Loose!Brian and Brock fell into the proverbial (literal?) well of body horror and Cthuluian mindfluffery that is the latest film adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's lovechild: The Color Out of Space. Before that, they draft mash-ups. Food mash-ups. Food combinations. Combinations of food. (Or at least one of them does...)Now feed the goddamn alpacas!2021-09-071h 46We Gauge CageEpisode 84 - Primal (2019)Are you ready to get wild? Are you ready to get feral? Are you ready to get...Primal?That's right. Brock and Brian watched the 2019 hunter/huntee/hunted thriller Primal. Are there guns? Yep. Does Nic attempt to speak a little Spanish? You betcha. Does someone get shot in the shoulder? Aww Hell Yeah!Before all that, Brian gives us the lowdown on new home ownership, and makes yard work sound real horny. The boys bask in the comedic stylings of their daughters. And then they hold the most important draft yet, Animorph-style! "S...2021-08-241h 40We Gauge CageEpisode 83 - Kill Chain (2019)It IS a Kill Chain!On this episode, Brian and Brock talk poop. It's always poop. They shoop. They boop. They scoop the loop. They draft Olympic Sports That They Enjoy To Watching. And then they watch Kill Chain (2019), a gangster/hitman/assassin flick that is as confusing as it is forgettable. They can only get better from here, right, folks?!?Let's get into it. 2021-08-101h 31We Gauge CageEpisode 82 - Running With The Devil (2019)You asked for it, you got it. Brock and Brian plop down and Pig out. They drop down and Dig out. They have a super-duper draft. And then they talk through some of the finer points of the cocaine game in Nic Cage's 2019 drug-running....(I'm really struggling to find a word that isn't "thriller") movie-that-happened, "Running With the Devil."Let's get after it. GLWYB2021-07-271h 56We Gauge CageEpisode 81 - A Score To Settle (2019) [The Comeback!]Some might even say that Brian and Brock had their own...score...to settle. Come on, gentleladies and even gentlermen! Admit it. You missed us!In a day that we thought would never come, your two favorite knucklehead co-hosts put aside their differences, plugged in their microphones, and decided to watch another Nic Cage "Castle-Period" film in an effort to decide whether he has the capacity to surprise us anymore. We're watching the rest of Nic's filmography from 2019 to present day and beyond...culminating in what is no doubt his greatest film & role to date: Pi...2021-07-141h 34We Gauge CageEpisode 80 - FinaleI gauge Cage. You gauge Cage. She gauge Cage. 'Cause We Gauge Cage, hey!This is it. We're officially done. Finished. Game over, man. Game over. There are no more movies to watch. No more Cage to critique. No more gauging to be gathered. Pack up your notebooks and pencils, ladies and gentlemen. We're through. You know, they really did it. They said they were going to do it, and they did it! To celebrate, the boys leave you with their longest episode yet. No plots, just plops. No notes, just nopes. No...2019-07-033h 04We Gauge CageEpisode 79 - Kick-Ass (2010)Although we've come, to the end of the road. Still I can't let go. It's unnatural. You belong to me. I belong to you. Although we're done! No more watch-ing this chode! Still he's not good, no. It's just factual. He's just too crazy. But what can you do?You guys, we're doi-WE DID IT! We told you we were gonna do it, and we stuck to our guns, and we dug deep, and we (insert cliche inspirational bullshit here), and we crossed the finish line, with flair! The boys that you know and love sa...2019-06-262h 13We Gauge CageEpisode 78 - Adaptation (2002)Every rose has its thorns. Just like every night has its dawn. Just like every orchid...has a...has a guy who's like really obsessed with orchids, apparently. Every rose has its thoooooorrrrrrnnnnnsssss!!!How's it going, flower f*ckers? Oh, I'm sorry. No flower f*cking for you today? Well too darn bad! Because this is the flower f*cking episode!That's right! Everyone's favorite boys watched themselves the 2002 Nic Cage, Meryl Streep, and Chris Cooper-led dramatic, orchid-centric masterpiece "Adaptation." It was a doozy of a movie. Before that, the boys wax...2019-06-192h 09We Gauge CageEpisode 77 - Leaving Las Vegas (1995)When there's someone strange, in your neighborhood? Who you gonna call? WeGaugeCage!...I ain't afraid of Nic Cage!*You guys...singing Taking Back Sunday is hard. Okay? Okay?!? It took us five takes. We're just two guys!So...if you can make it through the first three minutes of this one, then you'll find out that...it happened again. Your boys (and mine) met up together in person in Arizona, fresh off of watching Nic Cage's drunken 1995 romp "Leaving Las Vegas," and they decided to record a podcast about it. H-h-holy buckets, folks. To b...2019-06-122h 16We Gauge CageEpisode 76 - Lord of War (2005)War! Huh! Yeah? What is it good for? Apparently driving backdoor illegal arms deals so that Nic can play a character named Yuri. Or absolutely nothing. Or at least that's what the 2005 film Lord of War starring Nicolas Cage and Jared Leto would have us believe. It's a voice-over film about gun-runnin'. Hoo-wee! Not much more to discuss. A perfect episode to discuss our beautiful, accomplished, prodigious daughters. To celebrate Charley's latest accomplishments. A perfect opportunity for Brock to talk about the other films he's seen recently, like Booksmart (recommend it!) and Aladdin (recommend it! Bi...2019-06-051h 37We Gauge CageEpisode 75 - The Rock (1996)I-i-i watched part of The Rock last ni-i-ight. And part of it the next day!They can't all be winners, ladies and gentlemen. But the real winners this week were our boys, because they got to complete the Nic Cage Action Triptych by watching The Rock. In the name of the Con-Air, the Face/Off, the Rock...Awww-yeah! Amiright?!? I think I'm right! You got Sean Connery. You got Ed Harris. You got the titular Rock. (Not THAT Rock. The Alcatraz Rock.) You wanted action? We got some action. And then also Nic Cage is a scientist...2019-05-292h 19We Gauge CageEpisode 74 - Raising Arizona (1987)'Cause he's all in my head. I think about Nic over and over again. And I can't keep stop picturing you with him. And I can't take it. I can't shake it, no. I remember the day you recorded. I remember the last film you watched right in front of me. And that last film, this last week, was 1987's Coen Brothers classic comedy of errors "Raising Arizona." Holly Hunter, Nic Cage, a baby...Sounds like a recipe for some hijinks, if you ask me!Before all that, da boiz talk about day weekends. Br...2019-05-222h 08We Gauge CageEpisode 73 - Face/Off (1997)Don't do those face waterfalls. Just stick to the same hugs and the kisses you're used to. I know that you're going to swap your faces and voices and all, but I think you're moving too fast...That's right, ladies and gentlemen! If the phrase "face waterfall" didn't give it away (or, you know, the title of the episode), the two lovable lads got to watch Nic Cage's 1997 smash hit "Face/Off." One Nic Cage (well at one point, there's actually technically two Nic Cages...look, it's only confusing if YOU make it confusing)! One John Travolta...2019-05-162h 37We Gauge CageEpisode 72 - Matchstick Men (2003)Blame it on the juice. Got you feelin' loose. Blame it on the 'tron. Got you in the zone. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. Blame it all on Nic Cage. He's the reason we're over 70 episodes deep, watching a surprisingly competent con man film from 2003 called "Matchstick Men." Nic takes a couple of behavioral disorders for a spin, accompanied by Sam Rockwell and an actress whom shall lovingly be referred to as "not-Egg." (Where my Arrested Development fans at?)Anywho, this one gets...wild. I mean. A little wild. Call it senioritis. Call it "phoning i...2019-05-082h 40We Gauge CageEpisode 71 - Birdy (1984)You down with Matt Modine? Yeah, you know me. You down with Nic Cagey? Every last homie. You down with ol' Birdy? Yeah, you know me. Who down with this movie? All the homies!I'll be straight with ya, folks. This one got weird. And I don't mean like, "man attempting intercourse on a small bird" weird. But it got weird nonetheless. In perhaps the most incoherent and tangential attempt at a podcast to date, the boys scrounged together enough attention for Nic's 1984 VIETNAM WAR FILM "Birdy" that is totally about the Vietnam War and totally a...2019-05-012h 00We Gauge CageEpisode 70 - The Croods (2013)Papa don't preach. We're in trouble deep. Papa don't preach. We've been losing sleep. But we've made up our minds. We're watching Nic's movie. Ooh-ooh we're going to watch this movie, ooOOooh....The boys are back! Did you miss them?!? Did you even know they were gone? Did you realize that it has been weeks since they've sat down and recorded last? Fresh off the heels of the worst possible movie that Nic has ever made, this week Brian and Brock got a palette cleanser in the 2013 animated movie "The Croods." A start-studded voice cast, beautiful visuals...2019-04-242h 08We Gauge CageEpisode 69 - Wild at Heart (1990)Shot Wild at Heart! And David Lynch is to blame! He gives films a bad name...But seriously, folks. We've joked in the past about quitting the podcast. We've made false threats about hanging up our Nic Cage-watching boots and cashing in all of our good favors and riding off into the sunset as free men. We should have gotten out while the gettin' was good. Because Brock and Brian - wait, let me start over... - Because Brian FORCED Brock to scour the depths of the Dark Web for this absolutely rotten piece of avant-garbage e...2019-04-172h 18We Gauge CageEpisode 68 - Moonstruck (1987)Ah yes, the year 1987. "Walk Like An Egyptian" topped the charts, Ronald Reagan was president, and your two favorite podcast hosts were finally born after months of anticipation! Who would've guessed that over 30 years later they'd spend literally hundreds of hours analyzing every film of one Nicolas Cage, including the 1987 hit "Moonstruck," starring not only Nicolas Cage, but also a surprisingly good performance from Cher. But we're not here to gauge Cher, because, come on...that doesn't even rhyme. We're here to gauge Cage!But before we do, Brian takes a minute to go full Dad mode...2019-04-101h 39We Gauge CageEpisode 67 - Red Rock West (1993)Uh wicky wild wild. Wicky wild wild. Wicky Red Rock West. Nic West. Desperado. Rough Rida. No you don’t want nada. None of this. Six gun in this. Nic Cage runnin’ this. But I’ll tell you what you DO want! You want to hear about the time Brian and Brock plopped down around the ol’ campfire and watched them some Red Rock West. Nic Cage, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dennis Hopper. A classic who-dunnit mix-em-up crime caper with guns and money and...cars with empty gas tanks, I guess? Before all that, let’s get one thi...2019-04-031h 38We Gauge CageEpisode 66 - National Treasure (2004)"Have you seen National Treasure?" For Nic's sake, Brian and Brock can finally say "Yes!" They have! They have seen National Treasure! Okay?!? So lay the heck off! Please and thank you! Geez! Holy buckets! Benjamin Franklin Gates! Abagail! Doug from the Hangover! Is it the same movie as the sequel? We'll find out! And we'll bring in the History and Mystery expert herself, Amanda Flannery-Hoppa, to help with the debate!Before all that, the boys (and girl) take a few corrective measures, they play a game of Would You Rather, and they break do...2019-03-272h 35We Gauge CageEpisode 65 - Joe (2013)I see Nic Cage a-comin'. He's coming round the bend. And he ain't made a good film since, I don't know when. But every now and then, there are some diamonds in the rough. And this week, Brock and Brian found a real depressing diamond in Nic's 2013 film "Joe." For once, Nic plays an ex-con and yet he's not the one in the film that could be described as a full-blown psychopath. It's a surprising turn. Before all of that, Brock channels his inner Simon Cowell and Dr. Seuss in order to drop some constructive cr...2019-03-201h 49We Gauge CageEpisode 64 - Con Air (1997)His bags are packed. He's ready to go. He's standing outside his cell door. He hates to wake you up to say goodbye...Cause he's leavin' on a jet plane. Don't know if he'll be back again. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Finally. We made it. Brian and Brock got to bear witness to the living weapon himself, Cameron Poe. Star of 1997's action classic "Con Air." Co-starring such heavy-hitters as Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, Dave Chappelle, John Cusack, and John Malkovich, this movie pulled out all the stops. Thrills, spills, kills, and chills!Before a...2019-03-132h 10