Shows
The One Millionth PodcastSeismameterAndi and Chris return after three long months and man, has a lot happened. Was Chris being trained by the CIA? Did Andi get abducted by natives while on Safari? The answer is no to both of those, but find out what HAS happened in this episode.
2024-02-0656 minThe One Millionth PodcastC3PO’s ButtholeChris goes to a charity golf event and Andi sings her version of America the Beautiful in this freedom fueled episode.
2023-11-041h 02The One Millionth PodcastSouthern JumbosAndi comes back from Mexico unscathed and Chris has another epic week on the road.
2023-10-081h 01The One Millionth PodcastGross FountainAndi and Chris...and the echo...are back...again. Andi's been sick and Chris has been living the dream. It's a very Yin and Yang episode.
2023-09-191h 01The One Millionth PodcastStream A Lil StreamAndi & Chris are back! Chris has been on hiatus and Andi is getting weird on Twitch! It's a good one!
2023-07-281h 01The One Millionth PodcastSteamcupineAndi wants to bang a goat man on her video game and Chris reminisces about UTIs. It's a weird one.
2023-06-251h 05The One Millionth PodcastTamportAndi is balls deep in the new Zelda game, Dad calls in, and Chris goes to a Tampa Bay Rays game.
2023-06-101h 02The One Millionth PodcastThis Is How You Get UpAndi tells us about bouncing her chin off a roller rink floor and hears Chris laugh all the way from Florida.
2023-06-0456 minThe One Millionth PodcastTight VibesChris goes to New York City (get a rope) and Andi doesn't know what the hell she did.
2023-05-201h 01The One Millionth PodcastSpassmChris dials in from yet another mall town and Andi has clean teeth but you wouldn't know it cause the video didn't record!!!
2023-05-061h 02The One Millionth PodcastA Real Poo Done ItChris finds out that Bob Villa is still alive and Andi gets real descriptive about Otto's butthole.
2023-04-161h 05The One Millionth PodcastWhat Dat Mouf DoAndi and Chris go to Vegas and have two very different trips getting there.
2023-03-171h 02The One Millionth PodcastPremium Hole VidsAndi gets to practice having tinnitus while Chris goes on tour with Bert Kreisher.
2023-02-1158 minThe One Millionth PodcastPenistownChris explains why the Buffalo Bills lost and Andi sleeps through an earthquake.
2023-01-3158 minThe One Millionth PodcastMickey’s Middle FingerChris goes to Disneyland and Andi goes to a birthday party...for a dog.
2023-01-241h 01The One Millionth PodcastKnob DylanOak Park Mall sucks, Chris refuses to wear turtlenecks and Andi invents Chicken Pops.
2023-01-111h 00The One Millionth PodcastGot Pilk?Andi makes a new TikTok drink and Chris has a weird echo that we couldn't fix! Happy holidays!!!
2022-12-291h 00The One Millionth PodcastThe Porters Do NashvilleIt's all in the title why are you even reading this.
2022-11-171h 00The One Millionth PodcastPrincipal of the SkiesAndi drank old protein and took the SAT, Chris has a Tom Brady conspiracy theory, and a Juggalette writes in.
2022-10-0955 minThe One Millionth PodcastSpidingdongChris uses terrible metaphors, it confuses Andi. Unrelated she finally learns what batting a thousand means.
2022-09-2658 minThe One Millionth PodcastPerpendurcularAndi and Chris have quite the trip to Kansas City and then they talk about movie sequels and stadium names.
2022-09-171h 00The One Millionth PodcastChoo Choo ChanoogaChris gets a hat box and Andi is into the sleaze bags at music festivals, and they both lament on the rules of their childhood road trips.
2022-09-0255 minThe One Millionth PodcastPoonpouriAndi talks about energy drinks she had in high school and Chris goes on about his favorite Mary Kay face wash.
2022-08-1953 minThe One Millionth PodcastMcHandy’sAndi underestimates the power of the sun, Chris learns how canned foods work, and there are just too many farts.
2022-08-0858 minThe One Millionth PodcastLazarus!Chris goes off on Ansel Adams and Andi did a um… stuff? And it was uhhhhhhnn… stuff… words are hard.
2022-07-1759 minThe One Millionth PodcastCount FistulaAndi and Chris are joined by their Dad, Scott. They talk ad nauseam about Terrence Trent Darby and other people who haven’t been in the zeitgeist for decades.
2022-07-0657 minThe One Millionth PodcastSwapping JoesAndi gets confused about Trader Joe’s, Chris is all boned up over John Larroquette, and they reminisce about Holidomes.
2022-06-2455 minThe One Millionth PodcastIzuhaulAndi is highly caffeinated and Chris still hates Hollywood.
2022-05-2753 minThe One Millionth PodcastDicked Down By DumboChris comes up with a new instagram handle for Scott Disick and Andi can’t think of the word “endorse”.
2022-05-0658 minThe One Millionth PodcastKitchen ChickensChris and Andi are back with tales from the road (Chris) and the crypt (Andi).
2022-04-2958 minThe One Millionth PodcastColoradolopolisChris brings up Casey at the Bat for the first time ever and Andi is taking a wizz again in Margaritaville.
2022-04-0254 minThe One Millionth PodcastMr. Nice Guy AwardsAndi educates Chris on lip fillers, and Chris got slighted by a cab driver in Buffalo.
2022-02-231h 02The One Millionth PodcastMouthful ModeChris reminisces about the last time he ate a fruit 10 years ago and Andi has a group chat that is popping off on the daily
2022-02-161h 03The One Millionth PodcastCheesecake TownhouseChris has to differentiate between ‘commercial’ and ‘private’ flights and Andi fell down. Then they talk about what kind of horses to eat.
2022-02-091h 01The One Millionth PodcastNorm the Mountain LionChris has notes on Andi’s bath time routine and Andi explains the difference between pasties and tassels. This is a blissful episode after the Bills game and before the Bengals game… they were happier then.
2022-02-0254 minThe One Millionth PodcastBitslexicChris has it out for cucumber water and Andi would rather eat ass than drink a PBR.
2022-01-2659 minThe One Millionth PodcastRackamoni and CheeseChris has a bougie week at home and Andi totally nails the Home Depot theme song.
2022-01-1958 minThe One Millionth PodcastDid You Hear The Alarm?!Andi has a big problem with the Friends theme song on HBO Max and Chris has a wild weekend in Arizona.
2021-12-1659 minThe One Millionth PodcastCHRISTOPHER...Chris has his first Philly cheesesteak and Andi helps him redecorate the living room. Is there more exciting stuff they talk about? Yes, but you have to listen to find out. This is called a “teaser”.
2021-12-081h 02The One Millionth PodcastMatzo Barf SoupChris is outraged at how inflation has affected the Cheesecake Factory, and the pod gets the best email it’s ever received. Brought to you by backattacksnacks.com
2021-12-0157 minThe One Millionth PodcastThe Goggles Did NothingChris wants an Alf origins story and the Porters discuss if Fleshlights are recyclable. We’re having fun, kids.
2021-10-201h 02The One Millionth PodcastLast Minute CelebrityChris went to Tampa and gets a taste of his own foot while Andi went to a scorching hot play in North Hollywood. It’s not all glitz and glamour, folks.
2021-10-131h 00The One Millionth PodcastChris Got a F**king Sound PadAndi tries out Chris’ bidet on the air and Chris got a f**king sound pad.
2021-10-061h 02The One Millionth PodcastMalltownAndi tries to get Chris into The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Chris is making some big life upgrades. Fill your ear holes with some sweet, sweet banter.
2021-09-171h 02The One Millionth PodcastCornchellaThis is now a Below Deck discussion podcast. Yes we know that the title has nothing to do with Below Deck. Deal with it, turds.
2021-09-0355 minThe One Millionth PodcastWiffle BallsChris has many airport annoyances and Andi convinced her friend that the emergency number in California is 912. Also there’s a new contest where you get to re-name a guy who has no balls.
2021-08-1953 minThe One Millionth PodcastSomething PenisThe Porters discuss Andi’s 23 and Me results and what happened when Chris asked their Grandma about stretch marks.
2021-08-1154 minThe One Millionth PodcastYe Old Buck ShackChris spent his weekend in a seedy hotel and Andi does a spot on, exactly perfect impression of Chris. Swear to gah you’ll think it’s him.
2021-08-031h 07The One Millionth PodcastFistful of ClubsAndi is trying to get the family down to the Margaritaville Resort and Chris struggles with reverse ATMs.
2021-07-1459 minThe One Millionth Podcast...But a Bitch Ain't OneAbout once a podcast Andi gestures to Chris to clear his throat, and he does it every single time without an attitude. That was sarcasm!This time she didn’t edit it out of the pod. Oh and they talk about concerts and stuff.
2021-06-2358 minThe One Millionth PodcastSacramento: It’s Not Gonna Lick ItselfChris and Andi learn how they got Mr. Ed to talk and Andi does a scratcher ticket live on the pod.
2021-06-161h 03The One Millionth PodcastHoe-Ass LightersChris and Andi talk about how she’s an incredible gift giver, and Chris tries to decorate his apartment at Costco.
2021-05-0552 minThe One Millionth PodcastDon't Trust the BusChris narrowly escaped death and Andi teaches you how to get around a paywall.
2021-03-2352 minThe One Millionth PodcastDissin' TerrysChris talks about why ESPN is so great and he also explains how Andi got her nickname.
2021-01-191h 01The One Millionth PodcastThinking About The Tubeman AgainAndi has a new jacket that gives her a new skill and Chris has some thoughts on drone betting.
2021-01-1257 minThe One Millionth PodcastOMP Rewind: Click Clack Half TwistFor our 75th episode we're going back to one of our favorite episodes! Enjoy this while we enjoy a week off and we'll be back with fresh shit on December 28th.
2020-12-2145 minThe One Millionth PodcastVerbally LimberChris has a lame new fact about Mount Everest, and Andi proves how little she knows about Mount Everest.
2020-12-1857 minThe One Millionth PodcastFifteen Pounds of MusicThis week Chris got pulled over by bike cops and totally unrelated Chris and Andi Crime Tips. As always The One Millionth Podcast is brought to you by Back Attack Snacks!
2020-11-2352 minThe One Millionth PodcastCompetencyChris would make a horrible forensic scientist and Andi has a science surprise (she knows the periodic table... kind of.)
2020-11-1747 minThe One Millionth PodcastHypotheticholesAndi learns where Georgia is and Chris wants to send her to math camp.
2020-11-1058 minThe One Millionth PodcastSex FruitChris has a plan for the murder hornets and Andi tried the Mountain Dewgarita. Spoiler alert: it sucked ass.
2020-11-031h 01The One Millionth PodcastHamster and NashAndi takes a stab at what the wind sounds like and Chris describes what’ll happen if we clone tacos.
2020-10-2055 minThe One Millionth PodcastDip Dip A DooChris won't ever date a bank teller and Andi details a slumber party mishap.
2020-10-0649 minThe One Millionth PodcastGonna Lose That Deposit...Andi introduces Chris to the worst parts of Spiderman 3 and Chris has earthquake preparedness tips: you just gotta quick step it.
2020-08-0446 minThe One Millionth PodcastThis Time... It's PersonalAndi teaches Chris how to do a software update... tune in for more thrilling content!
2020-07-2858 minThe One Millionth PodcastYou’ve Got to Suss ItAndi almost fell for a goof and Chris mispronounces Fauci like an idiot.
2020-06-3053 minThe One Millionth PodcastI Like the EdgeRecorded May 27th, 2020. We hope this can give you respite from the news for a moment. To our friends of color: We hear you. We stand with you. We will fight with you. #BLM
2020-06-0152 minThe One Millionth PodcastPaula Deez NutsChris very recently learned that rice is good with Mexican food and Andi's eyes rolled so hard they fell out of her face.
2020-05-1248 minThe One Millionth PodcastLet Me Tell You Something About You That You Don't KnowOkay okay OKAY! We admit it... DMB f**ks.
2020-04-2054 minThe One Millionth PodcastBackdoors of YoreNo, those were not the exact words that came out of Chris' mouth, and yes, Andi writes these captions.
2020-04-131h 05The One Millionth PodcastNo Rules!Andi finally watched Shawshank Redemption and Chris really misses being inside Chipotle.
2020-03-311h 02The One Millionth PodcastSpit Roasted by the Jo Bros.Chris and Andi wash their hands and stay inside. Be like Chris and Andi.
2020-03-2350 minThe One Millionth PodcastHidden Valley MouthwashChris struggled with an old XBox, Andi went on a neat distillery tour and they both tell more drug stories.
2020-03-0959 minThe One Millionth PodcastWe Need to Leave This Denny'sChris hates geometry and Andi got a bidet... or as Chris calls them "asshole washers".
2020-03-021h 01The One Millionth PodcastHamsterdamIt was a long week without football but luckily the XFL is here... and we announce the fan name winners!
2020-02-1859 minThe One Millionth PodcastKreeveThe Chiefs won the mother f**king Super Bowl!
2020-02-1057 minThe One Millionth PodcastPoint of Know ReturnGood luck with this one, folks.
2020-02-0357 minThe One Millionth PodcastThanks for My Butthole!Chris spent the weekend in America's wang and Andi met The Fonz.
2020-01-271h 11The One Millionth PodcastI'm Full of Peanut Butter, Like an IdiotChris and Andi redecorate Chris' living room and you can't see what they're doing... you'll love it.
2020-01-211h 09The One Millionth PodcastCircumstantial VomitChris nearly throws up from words and Andi’s frontal lobe is out of the office.
2019-12-231h 10The One Millionth PodcastHelsinki SyndromeChris and Andi learn some basic geography and Chris is reckless with his laser eyes.
2019-12-091h 03The One Millionth Podcast105 lbs Of JuiceChris and Andi talk cars and crime tips. Chris puts an unflattering pic of Andi on the big screen. (check it out on IG)
2019-12-021h 03The One Millionth PodcastThings That Are GrossWe're talking about things that are gross.
2019-11-261h 11The One Millionth PodcastJazzed and StupidEXTREME CONTENT WARNING: We talk about the difference between a dresser and a chest of drawers.
2019-11-1155 minThe One Millionth PodcastThey're Killin' Us With the Juke!We spend entirely too much time discussing the Nissan Juke. Also you should edit that out, that was stupid.
2019-11-051h 02The One Millionth Podcast2.2 Million Pounds of MeatYou'll never believe this but we talk about Taco Bell again.
2019-10-2958 minThe One Millionth PodcastWhat Were We Just Talking About?Seriously, what were we just talking about?
2019-10-211h 03The One Millionth PodcastShit BucketWe've got a winner for the Jonah Hillain contest and we surprised our folks.
2019-10-1456 minThe One Millionth PodcastVegetables and CommitmentChris went skydiving and Andi has some grave plans.
2019-10-071h 02The One Millionth PodcastDoes This Make You Happy?!Chris' foot falls asleep and he suffers. Andi is pleased.
2019-10-011h 10The One Millionth PodcastSuggestive StrokeAndi wants cult shoes and Chris' brain decides to take a sabbatical.
2019-09-231h 08The One Millionth PodcastQuick, Hide the Dildos!Chris actually does a good accent for once and Andi still hasn't watched Shawshank Redemption.
2019-09-101h 11The One Millionth PodcastBa-Kaw Ba-Kaw Bitches!Chris tells mushroom stories and Andi talks about "maintenance".
2019-09-031h 02The One Millionth PodcastNot Today!3am weddings and when to change your underwear (it’s everyday).
2019-08-2756 minThe One Millionth PodcastClick Clack Half TwistAndi is on a lot of Sudafed and Chris isn't donating to your Go Fund Me. That means you, Amanda Knox.
2019-08-1245 minThe One Millionth PodcastFuck you, Zach BraffChris learns how girls pee in rompers and Andi gets a brand new fear.
2019-08-0549 minThe One Millionth PodcastMystery SausageChris wants to make his own sausage but doesn't want to know how it's made and Andi is jealous of a toddler.
2019-07-3045 minThe One Millionth PodcastSecond Hand GraviesChris learns how to say Heiress and Andi describes her tumultuous upbringing.
2019-07-2241 minThe One Millionth PodcastAll Loops Are InfiniteAndi tells us about going to see Hootie & the Blowfish and running a 5k while Chris drinks tequila and tries to hold on.
2019-07-1527 minThe One Millionth PodcastYou don't cook toast.Chris proves he can't cook and we learn Andi's dying wish.
2019-07-0847 min