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Christian Salafia

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UnbrokenUnbrokenYou Can't Always Get What You WantWhen you 'want' something, the universe is more than happy to let you keep on wanting it. Until you take action towards what you want, it will only exist in your imagination.2019-10-1314 minUnbrokenUnbrokenCh Ch Ch ChangesEveryone wants to make changes yet most everyone never does. Why?Fear.If you let your fear of change stop you, you'll never reach your potential.2019-10-0620 minUnbrokenUnbrokenWho Are You?If you were to lose your job, your family, your relationship, who would you be?Would you be you? Or would you be lost?When your identity comes from things outside you, when you lose them, you lose yourself.In this episode we talk about looking inside to determine your identity so that it's not dependent on things that can be taken away.2019-05-2718 minUnbrokenUnbrokenThe Twin Emotions Of Anger And SadnessAnger and sadness are really two sides of the same emotional coin. When we’re sad we feel depleted, joyless, unmotivated, and helpless.When we’re angry we feel energetic, focused, motivated, and powerful.Both of these emotions are natural and necessary to experience in your healing journey.2019-05-1318 minUnbrokenUnbrokenWisdom Is A WomanRHE had a way of showing people that they were unbroken, that they had value, and that they were loved. Her legacy of meeting life with humility, compassion, humor, and courage will live on through every person whose life she touched.Eshet Chayil, Rachel.2019-05-0524 minUnbrokenUnbrokenThe Night I Wanted To DieOne year ago, I wanted to die. The demons almost won. Almost. Therapy saved my life.2019-04-3037 minUnbrokenUnbrokenThe Blessing Of Unanswered PrayersNot getting what you want in life, even when you put a ton of time, energy, and effort into it, can hurt. It can make you feel like the universe is conspiring against your happiness. You may even think that if it weren’t for bad luck, you’d have no luck at all.That’s not true.Most of the time not getting what you want is a blessing in disguise.2019-04-2218 minUnbrokenUnbrokenFinding Yourself After Losing EverythingWhen a relationship breaks, you lose a lot. You lose friends, family, yourself, and your identity. If you focus on what you’ve lost, you’ll never find your way to healing.You’ll also find yourself again. Not the you you once were, but a new you, who rebuilt yourself putting all the broken pieces back together in a different way.2019-04-1518 minUnbrokenUnbrokenBonus Episode - Sh*t Happens. Dealing With SetbacksSometimes sh*t happens. If we were happy all the time, we wouldn't be people, we'd be game show hosts. Honor the negative feelings then switch your mindset by focusing on what's next rather than what happened.2019-04-1103 minUnbrokenUnbrokenThe Healing Journey - Denial Is A Helluva DrugIn the immediate aftermath of a tragic loss, your body's natural self defense systems kick in. These are the twin sisters of shock and denial. In this episode learn how to negotiate the immediate aftermath of a traumatic event so you can get on the road to healing.2019-04-0828 minUnbrokenUnbrokenRelationship Rules: How To Know If You're A PriorityOne of the biggest challenges, and most dangerous pitfalls, in relationships today is the confusion between being important and being a priority.But how do you know if you’re a priority or an option in your relationship?What should you do if you’re not a priority?In this episode I discuss some signs you may not be a priority and what options you have in your relationship.2019-03-2933 minUnbrokenUnbrokenThe Power Of Your StoryEvery story has power.Untold stories have power over us. As long as you don’t “name your shame” your story has power over you and others can tap into that power to manipulate you.Once you own your story, it can no longer control you nor can others use your story to manipulate you. Like in the final rap battle scene in 8 Mile, Eminem uses his own story to take its power away from his opponent, leaving him completely powerless.“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. - Anne Lamott”2019-03-2918 minUnbrokenUnbrokenYou Are Not Your MistakesIf you’ve ever made a mistake, you’ve inevitably defined yourself by that mistake.Fail a test? “I’m an idiot.”Get fired? “I’ll never hold a job.”Suffer a broken relationship? “I’ll never find love.”Mistakes are simply events. They’re things that happen. THEY ARE NOT WHO YOU ARE!In this episode, I discuss how you can flip the script on the negative events in your life so you can use them to refine you instead of letting them define you.2019-03-2619 minUnbrokenUnbrokenOk, It's Broken...What's Next?“What’s next?”That’s the question everyone asks themselves when their relationship, their career, their world falls apart.Any relationship breaking is a loss. And with any loss, there are stages of grief that must be passed through before you are healed and healthy enough to start another relationship.2019-03-2623 minUnbrokenUnbrokenWelcome To Unbroken - TrailerWelcome to the Unbroken podcast.You may think that your past mistakes define you, that all your broken relationships mean you are broken.Well you’re not.Your past doesn’t define you, it refines you.Welcome to the freedom that comes with being unbroken.New shows every Monday.2019-03-2603 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEp045 - A McCain Sized Hole In The WorldThe world lost a light when Sen. McCain passed. Yet I know, and those closest to him will say the same, that he would want his life to be an example for others. A life of duty, honor, integrity, service, and humility.2018-09-0200 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastA Man Falls Into A HoleSearching for your true calling that way often leads you to doing what you believe you "should" be doing. Instead of being your authentic self, you find yourself forcing yourself to fit within a proscribed box dictated by culture and society. Instead, your calling is that thing that tickles the back of your head. That passion project that brings you joy. That 'spiritual practice' of sorts that tunes you into something greater than yourself. Your calling is to be the friend who jumps in the hole.2018-08-0500 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastAre You Living As Pavlov Or The Dog?We all know the story of Pavlov and the dog. Pavlov rings the bell, the dog gets a treat, and eventually the bell rings and the dog automatically starts salivating. Unfortunately that’s how we live most of our lives, automatically “salivating” whenever the “bell rings”.2018-07-0800 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe Pursuit of HappinessDoes pursuing happiness wreck our self esteem? Is being unhappy in our DNA? How does one find true and lasting happiness?2018-06-0300 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe Wars WithinThere are two wars we fight with ourselves. 1) The war between who we think we are and who we really are. 2) The war with those thoughts/beliefs/patterns we need to overcome if we want to move forward in life.2018-05-2700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastLosing Your ShitLast night I lost my shit, broke one of my favorite glasses, and then broke down in tears. And I'm ok with that.2018-05-0100 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastGuts, Balls, and BrainsWhen you're listening to your gut, and have the balls to follow through, you're living in alignment with who you are at your core and are a powerful, influential, fulfilled, happy man. When you allow your brains to retreat from the tough choices or allow them to silence your intuition, you're destined for a unhappiness.2018-04-2200 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastOn Men, Space, And A Need To BelongIn this episode I discuss the need for us men to accept that we appreciate beauty and to not forfeit our voice on creating a home environment. A home should reflect the aesthetic of both partners and us men need to be comfortable in expressing what we like, what we don't like, what we find beautiful, and how having space within the home is necessary to feeling like we belong there.2018-04-1700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastOn Tony Robbins And The Me Too MovementIn the last 72 hours, a video of Tony Robbins disparaging the Me Too movement as a way for women to seek "significance" through anger and their status as victims has blown up on the internet. Tony blew it. He not only blew it as a coach, a trainer, and a personal development icon, he blew it as a man and as a victim of abuse himself.2018-04-1000 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastInterview With Dmitry KondratyevIn a world where considerable time is spent traveling from A to B and back again, the mechanisms responsible for driving our life experiences often go unnoticed. As a former Master Technician and current finance professional, he developed a simple method for bringing those features—principles, metaphorically—to the forefront of our daily thinking, harmonizing the personal with the efficacy of the professional and coloring life as a whole2018-04-0700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastSex, Meditation, and BuddhismColeman Baker is a coach and mindfulness trainer who works with men struggling with pornography, sex addiction, and other compulsive sexual behaviors. In this episode, he shares his own story, how he overcame his compulsion, and his mission to free men from the chains of addiction.2018-03-1000 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe Power of ConnectionOnce upon a time in order to connect with someone we had to either call them up or go knock on their doors. Today, we see the lives of our friends and families scroll by our newsfeeds and timelines and we feel that clicking "like" can substitute for an actual connection. Social media is making us more connected and disconnected at the same time.2018-03-0400 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastOur Boys Are BrokenAmong the 35 OECD nations, mass shootings are a uniquely American and male phenomenon. Why is this?  Without getting into the debate over gun policy, this episode dives into the secondary and tertiary discussions around mass shooters. Why men? Why American men in particular? Why not women? And why reflexively labeling the assailants as 'mentally ill' is offensive as hell.2018-02-1800 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastMasculinity and #MeTooIt's a brave new world, one that's going to require an intense conversation about what masculinity is and is not in the age of #MeToo.  So, where do we start? What stays, what goes, and what can we learn and embrace from the women in our lives to make us better men tomorrow than we were yesterday?2018-02-1400 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastOkayTaking a cue from "This Is Us" I want to give you a little encouragement. All we want as parents is for our families and kids to be okay. We can have our hopes and dreams for them, but when it comes down to it, we just want them to be okay.2018-02-1100 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastWalls, Boundaries, And Social Media StalkersIn today's social media heavy world, it's difficult if not impossible to avoid trolls, potshots from the peanut gallery, or petty bullsh*t. It's even more difficult to avoid it when relationships go south.  Building walls to keep out the riff raff is necessary. Boundaries are doors, the inspection points, that we allow those we want in our lives through.2018-01-2900 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 29: Men Need To Feel Safe, Too.There's no deficit of relationship advice for men on how to make your woman feel safe. There is far less advice for women on how to make their men feel safe.2018-01-1400 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastYour Outsides Match Your InsidesConfidence comes from the congruence of your outsides matching your insides. How you dress, how your house looks, how your car looks are reflections of how you feel about yourself. If you want to uplevel your life, uplevel your wardrobe.2018-01-0700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastUnfuck YourselfAs 2017 comes to a close, it's the time where we look back and typically see only the sh!t we've gone through and the challenges we faced. Yet the lessons those challenges were trying to teach you are exactly what you need to focus on in 2018. Whether it's finances, relationships, career... somewhere along the way things didn't turn out exactly as you had planned.Take what you learned, what you found out you were lacking, and focus on that in 2018 so you can continue to unfuck yourself. Don't forget to subscribe to the 21st Century...2017-12-3100 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastWhat Do Men Really Want? AppreciationEver notice how your man acts like he's conquered the world when he's done the dishes, folded laundry, or done some task around the house? Although it may seem silly, it's really not. He's looking for appreciation. Simple acts of service are one of the ways he shows you that he cares about you and if the response is one of sarcasm, you can be doing more damage to your relationship than you realize.2017-12-1700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastQuitting Is Leading, TooQuitting is leading, too - Nelson Mandela   It seems counterintuitive that quitting could be considered leading. The old saying goes "winners never quit"... except they do. They quit the things that don't serve them now. They quit the things that won't get them to where they want to be. They quit their old life in order to build a new one.2017-12-0200 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 024 - The Dual Life Of MenComfort and safety can kill a man, particularly if he's not living congruent with his core. Too many of us stay in jobs, in relationships, in the same physical and financial health because what we say we believe about them, about how important they are, is really a bullshit story. If you're not living congruent, you're living a lie and others will notice.2017-11-0700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 23 - How To Court A Woman The Right WayDating today is a dumpster fire and too many of you guys are slacking. If you're interested in a woman and want to court, date, and even marry her, it's going to take more than "Netflix and chill".  Step up your game and show her what she means to you.2017-10-3100 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 22 - No ExcusesExcuses are the art that decorates a mediocre life. We all make excuses.. why we can't do something, why we can't go after what we want, etc...2017-10-2900 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 21 - There Are No CoincidencesAll your life is a sum of your decisions, both conscious and subconscious. There are no coincidences. Cherish every connection you make... you chose it.2017-10-0500 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 20 - The #1 Cause Of Breakups And Divorce Is....Want to kill your relationship? Do this one thing and I guarantee you'll be headed to the single life.2017-10-0300 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 19 - The Yin and Yang of Confidence And InsecurityConfidence is one of those funny things. We have it one moment, and the next it can abandon us faster than a cat spooked by the vacuum cleaner revealing our insecurity. Yet it's by confronting and overcoming our insecurities our confidence grows.2017-09-2500 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 018 - Don't Be A Tool, Use Your ToolsAs Tony Robbins says, it's not resources, but your resourcefulness that ultimately determines your success. Just like people who couldn't find solutions to stock up on water before Hurricane Irma, most people go through life without the ability to adapt. You have plenty of tools besides a hammer in your box... and not everything in life looks like a nail.2017-09-2200 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 017 - There's Strength In Admitting WeaknessThere's something alluring to the myth of the loner, the man who faces the world on his own. We're raised with the ideal that the conquering hero is one who faces monsters and defeats them on his own. It's a dangerous myth.  No man is an island. "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together"2017-08-3100 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 016 - The Counterfeit Comfort Of A Comatose Life"The sooner you step outside of your comfort zone, the sooner you'll realize it wasn't that comfortable."2017-08-2900 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 015 - Eclipses And ExpectationsIf you were disappointed in the Great American Eclipse, it's probably because you set unrealistic expectations.... If you're disappointed in your life, it's probably, at least partially, for the same reason.2017-08-2200 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 014 - Charlottesville And The Failure In Moral LeadershipFollowing the events in Charlottesville, those in positions of leadership showed a stunning lack of moral courage. Whether it was due to fear or politics is no matter. In life there are times where right and wrong are clearly defined. It's time for men to step up and be moral leaders.2017-08-1700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 013 - A Life Lesson From Game Of Thrones"I'm tired of reading about the achievements of better men than me."  This is the rallying cry of every man who dared to go for greatness. Are you tired yet?2017-08-1500 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 012 - When Life Gives You More Than You Can Handle...God/Life/The Universe often gives us more than we can handle. The purpose isn't to break us, but to teach us to lean on those around us for help. A strong man can admit when he's weak. A weak man never admits he needs help.2017-08-0700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 011 - Embrace The SuckIt's a philosophy carried over from my military days... Embrace The Suck. It basically means "Yes, it sucks, but there's nothing you can do to change what happened, so embrace it and move on."2017-07-1800 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 010 - Life Is Not A DIY ProjectAlthough us men like to think that we can fix anything, there are times when we have to call in a professional. In life, if you've been trying to 'fix' your life and can't seem to make any progress, then perhaps it's time that you hire a professional to coach you through your challenges, teach you new skills, and help you develop the roadmap that will get you where you want to go. If you're ready to hire a pro, send me a message and let's talk.2017-07-1300 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 009 - When The Bat Signal Is Lit, Be The Hero.The best piece of relationship advice consists of 3 words. Be. The. Hero. Trust me, guys... this is the shizz.2017-07-1100 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 008 - Goal Setting: You're Doing It WrongMost people set goals from a place of lack and their goal lists reflect that. Most goal lists are full of things they don't have or haven't done. Successful goal setting involves a mindset of abundance and a list that includes things you always wanted AND achieved.2017-07-0600 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 007 - Declare Your IndependenceToday, us men are struggling under the despotism of hegemonic masculinity, or the social construct of what a man is supposed to be. This ideal has been passed down from generation to generation until it has become ingrained in our culture. Any deviation from this ideal is seen as weakness, as "feminization", and it's killing more and more men every year.2017-07-0400 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 006 - Your 7 Year Old BossOur limiting beliefs are rooted in our subconscious, which takes in unfiltered information from the first moment we open our eyes. Then, by the time we're 7 or 8, our operating system is pretty much set. So, realistically, we allow our lives to be run by the 7 year old version of us.2017-06-2900 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 005 - The Friend ZoneEvery guy has spent some time in the 'friend zone'... some of us have spent a lot of time there. We languish away dreaming of the day that the object of our affection will magically wake up one day, fall madly in love with us, and we'll live happily ever after. There's a reason fairy tales like that are left to books and Hollywood movies.2017-06-2700 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 004 - Don't Be A DickIn order to fix the world, a 21st Century Man needs a solid moral code to live by and a calibrated moral compass to guide him. The first rule of this new man code is simple... Don't be a dick.2017-06-1817 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 003 - The Golden HandcuffsThe myth of the golden handcuffs is a bullshit story you tell yourself to justify staying in a job you hate. Listen to this episode to learn how I secured a new engineering position in a new industry at 40 years old without the requisite technical degree.2017-06-1625 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 002 - Father's DayFather's Day is like the last thing in the clearance bin of holidays, an afterthought in the time of transition from the school year to summer vacation. Dads, let's ditch the ties, barbecues, and rounds of golf and instead make Father's Day a meaningful holiday to us and our families.2017-06-1616 minThe 21st Century Man PodcastThe 21st Century Man PodcastEpisode 001 - What Is A 21st Century Man?Being a man today is far different than what it was for our fathers and grandfathers. The world is moving fast and our generation of men is falling further and further behind trying to hold on to the past and also navigate an uncertain future. The time has come to redefine manhood and create a movement of 21st Century men that will impact the world for generations to come.2017-06-1622 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressLeonard Snart's 4 Rules For Success - Hot Mess ExpressLeonard Snart is a bad guy in the DC universe. He can be seen on The Flash and on Legends of Tomorrow. Yet there is a softer, good side to Snart that shows up from time to time. In a recent episode of The Flash, he offers some sage advice to young Barry Allen about what it takes to pull off a successful heist. He says there are 4 steps to a successful plan: * Create the plan * Execute the plan * Expect the plan to go off the rails * Throw away the plan In this episode of the podcast I discuss how...2017-05-2307 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressLanguage Exists To Woo Women - Hot Mess ExpressThere’s a scene in Dead Poet’s society where Robin Williams talks about the purpose of language and how words and ideas can change the world. In this scene, he relays this bit of wisdom: The purpose of language is to woo women. Now, in the context of the movie that makes perfect sense as they’re talking about poetry. Yet, in today’s world, that bit of movie wisdom holds true. Unfortunately, though, most people have forgotten how to communicate with power, precision, and emotion. We’ve gone from the language of poets to the simple minded idiocy of speakin...2017-05-0915 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHME036 – Redemption: It Takes Two To Tango - Hot Mess ExpressRedemption Scripture tells us that all things can be redeemed. Even if in life it seems like there’s no way that’s possible. Redemption in personal relationships, however, is a bit trickier. When relationships go south, 99.9% of the time no single party is at fault. It’s usually that same percentage in fractured relationships where one party refuses to see or admit their part. This makes redemption impossible. For relationships to be redeemed, both parties have to want it and both parties have to be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness. This is an episode from the archives, when I...2017-05-0227 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressIntegrity: The Less You Use It, The More You Have - Hot Mess ExpressIntegrity is defined as: * the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. * the state of being whole and undivided Society today has an integrity deficit. Instead of trading in truths, bullshit and lies are the currency of the times. It doesn’t matter if it’s in relationships, in the workplace, or on the teevee. There is a serious deficit of people who have integrity and are congruent. Nowhere is this more visible than in the political realm. Just today I caught the tail end of an interview with Dr. Gina Loudon. Her brand is built on h...2017-04-0919 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressThe Titanic Poster On My Wall And Masculinity - Hot Mess ExpressWhen you think of a “manly” movie it’s a pretty safe bet that Titanic doesn’t make the top 50. It’s universally thought of as a “chick flick” with almost no redeeming “manly” qualities about it. Yet when I think of it, I see it as not only a great love story, but Leonardo DiCaprio’s Jack exemplifies a lot of what a man truly is. Titanic starts out with Jack taking hold of his future by winning a card game. The rest of the movie he seeks to prove he’s more than his station in life. Yes, his life ends tragicall...2017-04-0521 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressThe Alpha Male Must Die Before It Kills You - Hot Mess ExpressThe Alpha Male as the ideal of what masculinity looks like in public needs to die. The days of Don Draper, Archie Bunker, and American Dad are over. In the last 40 years society has progressed so far, so fast, that men, in general, have moved into three camps: * Hypermasculine, uber aggressive men * Men who suppress their masculinity and embrace their femininity * Men in the middle wondering “where the fuck do I fit in?” Hypermasculine alpha males currently dominate male culture. It’s promoted in movies, television, advertising, and in many men’s coaching programs available today. The dominant definition of what it...2017-03-2925 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressMrs. Landingham Doesn’t Want To Know You - Hot Mess ExpressThere’s a scene in the Two Cathedrals episode of the West Wing where we see the first interactions of Mrs. Landingham and a young Jed Bartlet. In the scene, they’re discussing equal pay for women, a taboo topic for the time period, and she’s challenging Jed to challenge his father. Over Jed’s broken down car Mrs. Landingham says: Look at you. You’re a boy king. You’re a foot smarter than the smartest kids in the class. You’re blessed with inspiration. You must know this by now, you must have sensed it. Look, if you think we’re...2017-01-3024 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHME 031: It’s Ok To Be Wrong - Hot Mess ExpressBeing Wrong Isn’t A Bad Thing In this age of overwhelming ignorance, where people see opinions as being equal, being wrong is seen as something to be ashamed of. Not all opinions are equal and neither are all opinions valid. Sometimes, like the graphic says, you’re just fucking wrong. Yet we live in a world where fewer and fewer people are able to admit it. Nobody knows all things, nor are they an expert in all things. Some of our best learning lessons come from our being horrendously wrong. Owning up to where we’re wrong shows humility and a...2016-12-2910 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHME 030: The $40K Screwjob - Hot Mess ExpressA $40,000 Screwjob Yep. A screwjob. A little over 3 years ago I did the right thing and it ended up costing me, well my insurance company, $40,000. So, what do you do when doing the right thing ends up screwing you? Simple. You continue to do the right thing. There’s a saying that can be applied here: [Tweet theme=”tweet-box-normal-blue”]No good deed goes unpunished.  #FML  http://bit.ly/2gQNySM [/Tweet]   We’ve all faced this in our lives. Confronted with a situation where you either do the right thing or possibly get away with NOT doing the right thing, you choose to do...2016-12-1616 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHME 029: It’s All About Perspective - Hot Mess ExpressYour Perspective Creates Your Reality From an outsider’s perspective, and by all objective measures, my 2016 should go down as a world record sized shit sandwich. Between  the seemingly never ending challenges with my family, the late year financial crunch, the dumpster fire of an election, and the stress and anxiety that came with it…I should be swimming in the bottom of a bottle of booze. Yet here it is, December, 3 weeks left in this year, and I am absolutely stoked and grateful for every single thing that’s happened this year. Yes, there have been challenging times, there are goal...2016-12-0813 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressLessons From The Election – Get Skin In The Game - Hot Mess ExpressThankfully the shitshow that was the 2016 American Presidential Election has ended. While the results are unexpected and, to many, disappointing, many things have become clear. One major thing is that there is an entire generation that, while heavily invested in the outcome, weren’t up to putting some skin in the game. Our society has reached a point where slacktivism has replaced actual activism, actual action, in effecting change in the world. Too many people are protesting without organizing, without being dedicated to the long term effort it takes to bring about change. Our society wants things to happen quickly…. 7 minu...2016-11-1313 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHot Mess Express 027 – Be The Expert - Hot Mess ExpressOne of the most common pieces of advice I’ve given over the last few years is this. If you want to be the expert, then be the expert. I also say that the key to being the expert lies in your being confident. Back when I was in the Navy, my adviser gave me the best piece of advice I’d heard: [Tweet theme=”tweet-box-shadow”]Answer confidently. Always. Even when you don’t know the answer. #SecondLife[/Tweet] Confidence in yourself is the key to being seen as the expert. If you come across as unsure, indecisive, or easily swayed, yo...2016-10-2312 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess Express026 – Where Have All The Boundaries Gone? - Hot Mess ExpressIn today’s instant communication, social media driven world, it seems that boundaries have become a thing of the past. We’ve lost the ability to set personal boundaries for discerning what’s for public consumption. People feel empowered to upload their thoughts and opinions on everything and even use social media to publicly shame others as a way to get attention. It seems like there’s nothing that’s off-limits anymore. That’s why setting boundaries is so important. Setting boundaries allows you to share what you want to share with the world without getting caught off-guard doing or saying somethi...2016-09-2119 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressColin Kaepernick – Hot Mess Or Hero? - Hot Mess ExpressIn the last 24 hours, Colin Kaepernick has become the whipping boy for a good portion of America. What what his crime? Not standing for the National Anthem. That’s it. When the anthem was played at this weekend’s San Francisco 49ers preseason game, Kaepernick found a spot among the Gatorade coolers and sat quietly. Judging by the reaction of the sports world, and society in general, you’d have thought he dug up Vince Lombardi’s body and peed on it at the 50 yard line. After the game, he was asked why he didn’t stand. He said: “”I am not going t...2016-08-2917 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHow @samueladamsbeer Won A Customer For LifeIn the span of about 60 hours this week, I had two distinctly different customer service experiences. One experience ended up ensuring they had a customer for life, while the other ensured they’d lost a customer forever. On Wednesday this week, my oldest daughter and I went to dinner at a local TGIFriday;s. Now, I like Friday’s. I like their food, the vibe, the happy hour specials. Our family has been a customer of theirs for years. On this night, however, the ridiculously poor service ensured that neither I nor my family would be going back to their rest...2016-08-2721 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressYou Are A Badass Unicorn…So Act Like It!You are a badass unicorn. There is nobody on this planet that is you-er than you and not one single soul will use your unique talents and gifts the way that you do. So, why do you spend your time begging you and everyone else around you to think that you’re a loser? Self deprecating humor is asking everyone to think of us as a loser. And not in the loveable “Charlie Brown” kind of way, but at the pathetic member of the group that has nothing to offer except to be a walking punchline. Making yourself into a joke i...2016-08-2313 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHME 22 – Your Inner Child Is A DumbassYour Inner Child Is A Dumbass A serious dumbass. Think back to all the things you did as a kid, and soon you’ll realize what a dumbass you really were. Curious? Yes. Playful? Yes. And in a lot of ways, dumber than shit. When I was a kid I didn’t realize you shouldn’t unscrew an electric outlet while it still had power. Although I did learn that lesson very quickly when I got shocked and thrown down a set of stairs. Psychology teaches that our beliefs that shape our worldview are imprinted in out subconscious by the time w...2016-08-1709 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHME 21 – Tony Robbins Says ‘Blame Elegantly’Blame Elegantly Blame. It’s the great excuse maker. It’s so simple to point your fingers at other people, other circumstances, and blame them for your life sucking the way it does. Blaming absolves you of taking responsibility for having made the crap decisions that brought you to this point. This weekend, I watched the Tony Robbins documentary on Netflix “I Am Not Your Guru”. During one of the filmed interventions, he told a young woman that if she was going to blame her dad for all the bad shit in her life, she damn well better blame him for all...2016-08-1712 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressHME 20 – Nostalgia Is A Seductive LiarNostalgia Is A Bitch Nostalgia is a seductive liar that smooths all the rough edges of your past.  Do you ever look back on your past memories and longingly wish things could ‘be like they used to be’? Do you wish you could rekindle an old relationship because you’re sure they were ‘the one that got away’? That’s nostalgia talking. It’s you longing for an imaginary past that never existed. Oh boy, when you’re dead, you don’t take nothing with you but your soul – John Lennon There’s a running gag in my family that is built around my grand...2016-08-1711 minHot Mess ExpressHot Mess ExpressDepression Is A BitchEvery year, over 6 million men suffer from depression. Even so, it’s still one of those things that we just don’t talk about enough. Too many men struggle year in and year out in silence because society has taught us to believe that if we admit we’re struggling, we’re some how less of a man. As someone who has struggled with depression for almost 20 years now, I can say, with confidence, that that’s utter bullshit. Suffering in silence is the WORST thing you can do. Suffering in silence can lead to: Health problems Damaged relationships Troubles on the job ...2016-04-2823 minTransform RadioTransform RadioComfort Zone Is A Dream KillerYou often hear that "life begins at the end of your comfort zone".  Well, I want to tell you that life ONLY exists outside of your comfort zone.  Inside your comfort zone, nothing changes. Nothing grows. Nothing thrives. Comfort zone = stagnant And you know what happens when water gets stagnant, don't you? It gets polluted, starts to stink, and the only thing that thrives in it is the flesh-eating bacteria. All life ends inside a comfort zone. Most people aren't successful because they refuse to get out of their bubble. They refuse to learn new skills, try new things, do wh...2015-08-0212 minTransform RadioTransform RadioWorst First Date EverFirst dates are awkward.  Really almost any first is awkward.  Doesn't matter if it's a date, first day on the job, first day at school, whatever.  The first time you do just about anything it's incredibly awkward and almost never goes the way you intend it to go. Yet that's how life is, right? No matter how much we prepare, firsts rarely go the way we've imagined they would.  Now, you could let the experience crush you or you could roll with the punches, live out the "it is what it is" philosophy, find the silver lining, and take it as a...2015-07-2917 minTransform RadioTransform RadioDedication: How Bad Do You Want It?Almost everyone you know, at some point, talks about how bad their life sucks...their job sucks, their relationships suck, their physical and/or mental health sucks. The difference between successful people and average people lies in this singular question. How Bad Do You Want It? The difference between those two pictures of me is 5 years. 5 years of hard work 5 years of dedication. 5 years of applying the skills I learned in my every day life. The first picture is me, April 2010, before I walked in the door of my first personal development seminar ever. The second picture is me, this...2015-07-1326 minTransform RadioTransform RadioRedemption, My Father, And MeThe last time I spoke with my father was two years ago.  Needless to say, that conversation didn't end well. I firmly believe that there's always hope for redemption, I've seen it happen in my own life recently. Do you believe damaged relationships can be redeemed? I do. If I didn't believe in redemption, my faith would be a fraud. Listen in, and I'll share my story. —————————————– Connect with Transform Radio – On Facebook , On Google+, On Twitter, On Pinterest, On iTunes (oh, and we love 5 star reviews!) The post Redemption, My Father, And Me appeared first on Transform Radio.2015-06-3026 minTransform RadioTransform RadioRadical Self Love With Gala Darling #RSLBookIt was any other normal day when I received a message that started out as follows: Have you ever dreamed of a life full of laughter, love and sequins... But felt totally clueless about how to make it happen? You're not alone. Gala Darling spent years in soul-sucking jobs, battling depression, an eating disorder, and a preference for chaos and disaster, simply because she didn't know how to create the life she dreamed about. Immediately my curiosity was piqued.  Little did I know that within days I'd be in the middle of a 45 minute raw and unfiltered conversation with Gala D...2015-06-0541 minTransform RadioTransform RadioFailure Is The Best TeacherToo many people want overnight success. They want the glory without the grind. They want the awards without the struggle. People who achieve this typically flame out in a spectacularly massive way. Failure is your guide to being successful. It teaches you what you need to know. It teaches you what skills you lack, and what skills you're a master of. ...and sometimes failure shows you where you need to go instead of where you want to go. Every failure has a lesson for you to learn...and these lessons become the foundation upon which you build your success. —————————————– Connect with Transform Radio – On Face...2015-05-2721 minTransform RadioTransform RadioFrankenstein’s MonsterPeople like to do two things: 1) Quote "Be the change you want to see in the world" 2) Blame society/the government/the market for the world's ills. These two are cognitively dissonant.  We are society.  We are the government. We are 'the market'.  They're not like Frankenstein's monster, just running amok through the countryside. We created them. We can change them. First, though, we have to accept our responsibility for the ills in the world. Then, and only then, can we tame Frankenstein's monster. The post Frankenstein’s Monster appeared first on Transform Radio.2015-05-0514 minTransform RadioTransform RadioDon’t Half Ass Your Way Through LifeDoing even the simplest tasks half-assed will lead to a half ass life. You'll end up sabotaging your self-esteem, your confidence, and everything you've planned for your life to be. A half ass motto is "I don't have time to do it right, but I always have time to do it over!". Wouldn't your life be better if you didn't waste time doing things over? Pay attention to detail. Be aware in all your doing. Make your bed first thing in the morning. But whatever you do, don't half ass things. Whole ass them. —————————————– Connect with Transform Radio – On Facebook , On Google+, On Twitter, On Pinter...2015-05-0412 minTransform RadioTransform RadioBubbles, Boxes, And Dirty Windows(http://transformradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/i-think-inside-the-box-because-tardis.jpg)   Our worldview (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_view) is shaped by our experiences.  Every single bit of data that hits our brains is recorded, analyzed, sorted, and becomes part of the filter we look through to see the world around us. Similarly, this worldview shapes our own personal 'world'.  It determines the size of the bubble around us and the box in which we think. Unfortunately, too many people build these bubbles and boxes out of selfishness. Their experiential viewpoint leaves them with nothing but dirty windows to look through. This leads to...2015-03-1821 minTransform RadioTransform RadioStop Acting Like A VictimSociety today suffers from the victim mentality. Nothing is our fault, things out of our control determine the course of our lives, and there's not a damn thing we can do to change it. That's crap. Learning to live with crap is weak sauce. It's time to suck it up, buttercup, and start making better choices, better decisions in your life. It's time to take control and quit playing the victim. Do you want your life to get better by force or by choice? Do you want crap to happen that forces you to get better or do you want t...2015-03-1614 minTransform RadioTransform RadioEffing Psycho(http://transformradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Psycho_Logo-1024x474.png) Are You A Psycho? After a recent parenting challenge, it came to light that, in the eyes of some, I'm an effing psycho. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that was correct. I can be a psycho. I have high standards.  I expect a certain level of behavior in my kids.  I hold people to the consequences of their decisions.  I expect chores around the house to be done well and that people in the workplace do their jobs. I'm also a psycho when it comes to improv...2015-03-0828 minTransform RadioTransform RadioOvercoming Fibromyalgia With Jennifer BroFibromyalgia Isn't A Death Sentence Imagine being 23, freshly graduated from college, newly married, ready to start what is to be the best of the rest of your life and one day... ...you can't get out of bed. When you don't feel better, you seek a doctor's care, and still no relief.  An endless parade of doctors tell you you're depressed, you have mononucleosis, you have low blood pressure, you're allergic to something etc., etc. and nothing makes you feel any better. Imagine this goes on for two years until the 'big dogs' at the Mayo Clinic hand you what is, t...2015-02-1543 minTransform RadioTransform RadioThe Lost Art Of ListeningThe Lost Art of Listening Are you or someone you know one of those people that hears everything as an insult, as a criticism? When public figures like politicians you don't agree with speak, do you only hear the negative? Does it seem like everything your significant other says is nagging? Well, my friend, odds are you're simply listening subjectively. You're hearing the world through filters created by your own worldview. Odds are, there are plenty of times that your weak listening skills, and not the other person, is the main cause of poor intercommunication. How do I know? I...2015-01-2025 minTransform RadioTransform RadioYour Wake Up Call(http://transformradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Screen-Shot-2014-12-05-at-9.29.24-AM.png)I have a new addiction.... ....it's Wake Up Call on TNT (http://www.tntdrama.com) with The Rock. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (http://www.dwaynetherockjohnson.net), perhaps one of the hardest working people (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_class) in showbiz, takes his talent, his charm, and his genuine love of seeing people succeed and funnels all that into assisting others to live the life they truly desire. This ain't your mama's reality show. It's tough, it's emotional, and one thing's for sure... ....The Rock makes you work...2015-01-1616 minTransform RadioTransform RadioQuitter Are You A Quitter?   Ok, so the holidays are over. This is the first week back to work, and the first day that “real life” is impinging on your time to do what you really want to do. It’s gut check time. Are you willing to invest in yourself and make this the best year ever? Or are you going to be like 90% of the people who make New Year’s Resolutions and go from champion to quitter because now that “real life” is back...2015-01-0625 minTransform RadioTransform RadioFreedom Or Fear Are You Choosing Freedom or Fear? Life is all about choices. Every day we get to choose between freedom and fear. Freedom to live the lives we were meant to live, living out our fullest potential. Unfortunately most of us choose fear. Not real fear. Imagined fear.  Fear that comes from our deep seeded need to have our egos stroked and be accepted by society. That’s bullshit fear, imaginary fear. Humans were meant to feel fear for one reason…to keep us from...2014-12-1928 minTransform RadioTransform RadioThe Golden Rule     The Golden Rule The Golden Rule or ethic of reciprocity is a maxim,  ethical code or morality that essentially states either of the following: One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself (directive form). One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated (cautionary form, also known as the Silver Rule).   Sounds pretty simple, eh? Treat others nicely, don’t be intentionally hurtful, and life will be good. Unfortunately there are those wh...2014-11-2419 minTransform RadioTransform RadioBurning Bridges, Baby!    Burning Bridges, Baby! There comes a time in almost every relationship where we stand on one side of a bridge, people we care about stand on the other, and we have a decision to make…. Are we about burning bridges? Are we about nuking bridges and filling the chasm with sharks with laser beams on their heads? Are we about raising the drawbridge for a while… allowing some water to pass underneath? Or are we about simply raising the tolls for them to cross th...2014-11-1819 minTransform RadioTransform RadioBreak It Down To Build Momentum     Break it down and build momentum!   Big goals are awesome. Huge dreams are inspiring. They’re also daunting, scary, and risky. Plus, one false step and it can completely derail you. The best way to get from point A to point B is by building momentum so that you can easily overcome challenges and bumps in the road. How do you do that? One way is to break it down.  Break down your audacious goal into sm...2014-11-0920 minTransform RadioTransform RadioSmall Changes Small Changes = Massive Results I’ve developed some nagging injuries in the last few weeks since I’ve started running.  My knees, hips, and ankles have all let me know exactly how old and how out of shape I am. Perhaps the most nagging injury I’ve had since I’ve started running is pain at the top of my ankle.  It has been so great, that my participation in my first every 5k race was in doubt. However, when I run into a challenge, I find a way to overcome it…so I be...2014-11-0816 min