Shows
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation26. From the Perspective of Lindsay (Danny's Wife)In this episode, Lindsay Poelman, life coach that focuses on trauma informed coaching methods, dealing with pornography from a woman's perspective, feminism for Christians, and Danny's wife talks about her story and perspective of learning and growing from Danny's porn use. She talks about self advocacy, understanding accountability, and most importantly, showing up for yourself and your partner with grace.Listen to the full episode to learn more and share with someone you think may benefit from this information. Learn more about Lindsay and her work by checking out her website and instagram.2022-11-0727 min
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for EveryoneSocial Conditioning, Religion, Men & Patriarchy: A Conversation with Danny and Lindsay PoelmanThis week on the podcast I’m joined by one of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Lindsay Poelman, and her husband, Danny, as we discuss what it’s like for men to recognize their own patriarchal socialization.Tune in as we talk about how patriarchal conditioning is not a zero sum game, how patriarchy can be oppressive to people of all gender identities (not just women), and why the feeling of disempowerment in privileged white men can actually lead to positive change.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/2572022-09-2943 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation84. A Message of Hope (HTDWP)In this episode, Danny Poelman opens up about how trauma has affected his life, and the importance of hope when dealing with trauma. Danny gets candid about the experience of trauma and its correlation to falling into despair or loss of hope. This episode was created in hopes of inspiring and reminding those who are falling into despair of the state of the world, especially during a difficult time of the year, that where there is hope, there is the possibility for change. To learn more listen to the full episode now!Lindsay and D...2021-12-2319 min
From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody SteurerRefusing the victim mindset even when you've been victimized - Lindsay and Danny Poelman - Episode 122If broken trust is an issue in your relationship, download the FREE video series “The First Steps to Rebuilding Trust” to help you get on the right track. https://www.geoffsteurer.com/freebie
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From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody SteurerRefusing the victim mindset even when you've been victimized - Lindsay and Danny Poelman - Episode 122When you've been betrayed by your spouse, it's important to make room for the initial shock and work toward emotional and physical safety. However, it's tempting for someone who has been victimized to stay frozen in the victim position. Also, this doesn't only apply to betrayed spouses. Most individuals who struggle with sexually compulsive behaviors or other addictions often feel victimized by their histories, mental illnesses, relationships, or other outside factors.
In this episode, I interview recovery coaches, Lindsay and Danny Poelman, who teach about how to take personal responsibility through the recovery process no matter what...2021-12-1651 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation83. Why status matters when quitting porn and how to approach it (HTDWP)In this episode Danny Poelman discusses why status matters in quitting porn. Not material wealth or societal status, but that status of our mindset. This episode is coming in a time (the holidays) where many of us may struggle with our mindset. I know I definitely struggled, and continue to struggle today. To learn more listen to the full episode now!Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) a...2021-12-1639 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation82. The Power of Intention (HTDWP)In this episode, Lindsay and Danny talk about the power of intention. Although we may feel inclined to work extremely hard and hustle even harder to get the results we are looking for, that may not be the most sustainable way for change in the long term. Intentions are what allows you to make sustainable changes in your life, without feeling the burnout. Why? Because they are a reminder of why you are doing what you are doing in the first place. If you don't have proper intentions set in place, you can find yourself lost when t...2021-11-1522 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation81. How to Know You're Overriding Your Body's Intuition (HTDWP)In this episode, Lindsay and Danny talk about your body's intuition and how to know when we are ignoring it. Our bodies and brains are here to help us survive in the moment. The main goal is survival, not to thrive. This leads us to ignoring a lot of what our bodies are trying to tell us when we are in certain situations. This episode talks about how you can recognize those overrides and what you can do about them.Listen to the episode to learn more! Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified li...2021-11-0832 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation80. Abusive Behavior vs. Abusive Attitudes (HTDWP)In this episode of Latter-Day Saints Dealing with Pornography in Marriage, host Lindsay Poelman talks about the differences between abusive behavior and abusive attitudes. She talks about how behavior always trumps the intention someone has set, and how we can navigate these problems in marriage. Listen to the episode to learn more! Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they wa...2021-10-0423 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation79. Success Stories and 3 Ways to Deal With Sticky Beliefs (HTDWP)In this episode of Latter Day Saints Dealing with Pornography in marriage, Danny and Lindsay Poelman share some of their past client's success stories. They celebrate the wins and accomplishments of those who have gone through their program.They also talk about 3 strategies to deal with negative thoughts and beliefs. They break down what thoughts are, how they affect our belief system, and what we can do to break those patterns. Listen to the episode to learn more! Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of...2021-09-2023 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation78. Identity Shift and Staying Focused (HTDWP)In this episode, host Danny Poelman talks about the importance of shifting your identity when changing a habit. He discusses the subtle differences between being a person who is "quitting" a habit, and a person who "quit" the habit. He discusses the importance of inward change and how that affects our habits externally. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what...2021-08-1614 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation77. Feeling Unmotivated Doesn't Mean You're Not a Motivated Person (HTDWP)In this week's episode, Danny gives us his insight on why feeling unmotivated doesn't make you an unmotivated person. We are so quick to put labels on ourselves, or are really hard on ourselves when we have shortcomings. This is the easiest way to fail, because we are already telling ourselves that we are destined to fail. Listen to Danny as he breaks the cycle and shifts the narrative to giving yourself grace as you work towards the path of healing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are...2021-07-2514 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation76. Men Are Not At the Whim of What Women Wear (HTDWP)In this episode Lindsay and Danny Poelman discuss the harms that come from telling women that the way they choose to dress affects men's behavior. This is not only harmful to women, but also disempowers men from making choices from their own agency. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let...2021-07-1219 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation75. How to Find What Actually Works For You To Succeed (HTDWP)Why is it that we are willing to do anything for our kids to set them up for success, but, at times, maybe without even realizing it, we are unwilling to do that for ourselves? If our children are struggling in school we will get them tutors. If they want to learn a sport we take them to practice/lessons. If they need something, we will find the resources for them, because we want the best for them.Let’s become aware of how we may be holding ourselves back in some very important wa...2021-06-2125 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation74. The Key to Intimacy (HTDWP)Intimacy is an important part in navigating any relationship. Intimacy can be found in romantic relationships, friendships, familial relationships, and even our relationship with ourselves. It is one of the biggest markers in building a thriving community, or tribe, that will also enrich the life of the individual. In this episode Danny and Lindsay Poelman discuss the 6 forms of intimacy, the effects it has on our lives, and our relationship with intimacy. Join them as they delve into all the nuanced ideas revolving intimacy, and how it can shape complete relationships. Lindsay and Danny P...2021-06-1434 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation73. The Importance of Letting it be OK Right Where You Are (HTDWP)When learning, or unlearning, something, it is going to have a lot of bumps. Training yourself is a difficult thing to do and faltering is not uncommon. It is normal to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even angry when you don't get things perfect the first time around. But it is important to give yourself grace, especially when working on building a new skill. It is ok to be ok with where you are in your progress.It is ok to be ok with where you are in your journey. In this episode...2021-06-0721 minUnshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation72. Learning to Reconnect With Our Bodies (HTDWP)I believe that we are born emotionally connected to our bodies. Any disconnect we feel today is either instinctual, was instinctual, or was taught to us. And guess what? Anything that was taught out of you can be taught back in. Learning to trust your body is revolutionary. We get to provide what wasn’t provided to us. Tune in to understand why we aren’t connected to our bodies, and get some ideas for how to approach a deep loving connection with that gorgeous, trustworthy body of yours...2021-05-3120 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation71. You Don't Want What You Don't Think is Possible (HTDWP)62. You Don't Want What You Don't Think is Possible by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits...2021-05-0638 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation70. Self-Investment With Erin Aquin (HTDWP)Tune in as I interview Erin Aquin is a Master Certified and Deep Dive Coach who works with entrepreneurs to create more love and success in their lives without burning out. We talk about:· Where certainty really comes from,· Having the courage as a woman to self-invest before your partner is fully understanding,· Investing in yourself when you’re not working,· Baby-stepping yourself into self-care even when it’s uncomfortable,· Why it feels morally incongruous to spend money to feel great, and· Erin drops truth bombs around coaching being the less expensive option when it comes to staying married versus get...2021-04-3048 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation69. Planning to Look at Porn Isn't Worse Than Reacting to An Urge (HTDWP)“It’s not okay to plan to look at porn,” right?If you think that reacting to urges with porn is better than planning to look at porn, you are accidentally buying in to some disempowering, progress-hindering ideas.What is an Exception Plan?Let me walk you through some of the things I’ve found while working with men to quit the habit of porn.Tweaking your mindset in these ways can have a surprisingly impactful effect.You can fight harder, with your same approach, and keep porn in your life longer.Or you can take a new, smarter approach...2021-04-2242 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation68. Relevant Motherhood (HTDWP)Lindsay does a solo episode.Whether you are a family-oriented woman or man, tune in for empowering approaches to being a parent.How to bring more YOU to the process, and how that’s a good thing.Relevant Mother hood is: YOU, deciding what works for you.Relevant Motherhood is: YOU, spending energy on yourself and thinking about what you want, not what you think you should want.Relevant Motherhood is: You, carving out your dreams and your life based on your absolute beautiful unique set of experience that NO OTHER HUMAN HASRelevant Motherhood is: You, knowing that it's no...2021-04-0822 min
Heal from InfidelityPornography and Trust with Lindsay and Danny PoelmanPornography in marriages can feel threatening, shameful and impossible to overcome. In today’s episode, guests Lindsay and Danny Poelman share their story of overcoming the grip of pornography and creating a marriage much stronger than the one they had before. For so many, porn use can feel crippling. Many men (and women) feel intense shame around porn use which ultimately keeps them stuck. In this episode, you’ll learn how changing the narrative around porn use and empowering the individual can transform a marriage. More information at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2021 Andrea Giles2021-03-2651 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation67. Thoughts Really Are Optional (HTDWP)The results in your life come from existing thought patterns in your brain.If you want long-term, sustainable changes in your results, then changing thought patterns becomes very important.Human brains average 60,000-70,000 thoughts each day.95% of your thoughts each day are unconscious/automatic.5% of your thoughts are conscious.Thoughts cause feelings.Even unconscious thoughts can cause negative, neutral, or positive feelings.Thought Work is using part of our conscious thinking time to examine the unconscious patterns going on.Gaining awareness of a pattern helps you gain authority over it.This is where your power to choose comes in...2021-03-1834 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation66. Rest, Recovery, & Self-Discovery (HTDWP)Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on H...2021-03-0527 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation65. Accessing Your Already-Existing Power (HTDWP)Telling yourself that you are powerless.Helpful or not?For me, NOT!For every guy that ends up coming to me for coaching? NOT!Why we tell ourselves we’re powerless?For one thing, it’s become a tradition in 12-steps groups (NOTE: studies suggest that only 5%-10% of people find success with 12-steps groups).In The Church of Jesus Christ, 12-steps is called ARP (Addiction Recovery Program).And the ones who do find “success” there, or lasting sobriety, many of them still walk around telling themselves they are powerless, and still wishing they could turn to their habit.More imp...2021-02-2635 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation64. What is Emotional Abuse? (HTDWP)When you are a fish in water, you don’t even know you’re in water.Just because an abusive behavior exists does not make someone an abuser.You can honor your own feelings AND increase your awareness WITHOUT putting your marriage in jeopardy (if you choose).There are disempowering and empowering ways to approach the subject of abuse. You experience both ways while you’re healing/growing.Your process is unique to you.Developing your Self-Concept is key, for quitting porn and for up-leveling your marriage.Setting boundaries can become easy and full of love.Up-leveling your marriage experi...2021-02-1146 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation63. Why Not to Track Your Streak (HTDWP)“I’m starting over.”“I lost all my progress.”For many of us, streak-tracking is the only key-indicator we use to measure our progress.A streak is the number of days you’ve gone without porn.Streak = progressHas this approach gotten you where you want to be? If not, maybe it’s time for a new approach.Alternatives to streak-tracking discussed.What if we prioritize tracking our use of a well-planned system over tracking how many days it’s been since last viewing porn.Getting reps in is more important than amount of time spent on a goal, or new habit. What...2021-02-0431 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation62. Feeling Alive in 2021 (HTDWP)Lindsay’s shares some lessons from 2020. Including lessons on perfectionism and “reframing.”Coaching on porn/marriage helps you achieve business goals. What?!How to feel more alive and more fully embrace this experience we call being human. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marr...2021-01-2229 min
Latter-day Life Coaches3. What Church Members Need to Know About Quitting Porn with Danny Poelman Living a life without porn is totally possible but not the way you think. It isn't just about quitting porn. The old fashioned "willpower" method just doesn't work. Danny Poelman, teaches us in this episode that quitting porn is about making your real life experience so much better that porn becomes irrelevant. It's about reducing desire for porn, from the inside out. It's about removing the "need" to escape real human moments by turning to porn. It's about intentionally healing, enriching your life, and sustainably creating a life without the need for it. Danny has a...2021-01-1238 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation61. How Money Goals Are Related to Porn: There is Not Better Than Here (HTDWP)Money goals are like porn goals.Some lessons from 2020.Our relationship with money has everything to do with our thoughts about money.Danny shares about his work on money beliefs in 2020.Have you ever thought:“Once I make $X amount of money, I’ll be enough.”“Once I have $X amount of savings, I’ll be enough.”“Once I am out of student loan debt, I’ll be enough.”“Once I grow my business to $X in a year, I’ll be enough.”We do this with porn too:“Once I stop looking at porn, I’ll be enough.”“Once he stops looking at porn, I...2021-01-0144 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation60. Guest: Krista St-Germain, Using Grief to Your Advantage (HTDWP)Don’t be too quick to skip this one just because it’s about grief. Grief does not only apply to losing loved ones. Grief is also part of the way we experience relationships with ourselves and others.The way we interact with grief matters. And it is, in our experience, a regular part of personal transformation.If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:“I should have done it differently.”“My best days are behind me.““That was my shot.” (And it’s gone, that was it. No more.)If you recognize these ideas from your own life, then come dig deeper what...2020-12-1747 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation50. Feeling Triggered During the Holidays (HTDWP)7 Ways to Build Self-control and Enjoy the Holidays:1. Give yourself permission to not want to do certain things with your family.2. Drop the judgment toward yourself3. Take moments to recharge when you need them.4. Give people permission to not change at all.5. Be willing to let discomfort be part of the holidays.6. Own responsibility for your own thoughts/feelings and let others own theirs.7. Do Thought Work/coaching/self-coaching.This month is the perfect opportunity to work on these things.We discuss these things more in depth in our podcast today, with a real client example.Many guys look...2020-12-0440 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation49. Three Beliefs Required For Healing & Transformation (HTDWP)1. It’s not only okay, but also an important part of your growth to allow yourself to want more.2. You can experience desired changes regardless of whether the people/circumstances around you change.3. The changes you want are possible. If you can desire it, it is possible. The changes you want start with you. Would you really want it another way?You want that power. Trust us. It’s a good thing.Listen in on our discussion in today’s podcast episode.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Lat...2020-11-2425 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation48. Four Things to Know When He's Looking at Porn (HTDWP)When finding out your husband has been looking at porn, some people over-react, some people under-react, but we would offer to you that all reactions are normal.Your reaction can show up physically in your body.Some of it feels voluntary, some involuntary.And maybe many emotions that you either aren’t sure how to handle or feel incapable of handling.Don’t worry, we’ve got you.Tune in to find out these 4 things that you need to know right away to start finding relief and healing. To help you feel more in control, at least a little bit. D...2020-11-2016 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation47. Come-From-Behind Periodic Wins Vs. Sustainable Blowout Wins (HTDWP)47. Come-From-Behind Periodic Wins Vs. Sustainable Blowout Wins by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or...2020-11-0530 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation46. A Better Way to Solve Problems (HTDWP)46. A Better Way to Solve Problems by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained...2020-10-3048 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation45. You Don't Need a Substitute (HTDWP)Have you heard the idea that if you are going to quit a habit (like porn) that you need a replacement habit?While the idea behind this can be helpful, the mindset with which you approach it might not be.You may be accidentally reinforcing your urges to go back to the old habit.For a habit you’re trying to quit, the last thing you want to do is make it even harder to quit.Tune in to this podcast episode to learn how to tweak your mindset in a way that will make it that much easier to...2020-10-2321 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation44. Get Some New Problems (HTDWP)Do you feel like you are experiencing the same problems over and over?If you want to solve your problems, we are talking about some things you need to know in this podcast.It is likely that you will need to look at your problem in a new way if you want new results.New results doesn’t mean NO problems, it just means NEW problems.Why getting new problems can be the best thing ever.Some examples of what your life could be like if you join in the process of solving your problems, first, at the level of...2020-10-1625 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation43. Why Coaching isn't Free (HTDWP)Yes. Talking about money is directly related to you learning how to not look at porn, and/or creating the life and marriage you want.If you have any “money drama” at all about investing in coaching for yourself (so many of us do), part of you might want to skip this podcast. Don’t do it!The reason we avoid this type of conversation, is because of the money drama we create in our minds and the feelings that brings up.But do you really want the thinking you’ve learned toward money to be what stands in the way...2020-10-0851 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation42. It’s 100% Okay to Love Your Life AND Want More (HTDWP)You feel like maybe you shouldn't want more because you already have so much. Or because other people need it more.For you husbands, part of you wants porn. Part of you doesn’t. You want to not want porn.You’re more likely to “distract [yourself] with pleasure when [your] life is void of meaning.” Because “the chief desire of man is not pleasure but meaning.” -Viktor Frankl (Holocaust survivor/neurologist/psychiatrist)So how do you intentionally bring meaning back into the picture?It starts with wanting.You now have permission to want more without rejecting your current self/circums...2020-09-2431 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation41. You Don't Need an Excuse to Struggle (HTDWP)You’re struggling but you think you’re not supposed to struggle because you’ve been so blessed.You feel alone in your struggle, but you can’t tell anyone if you’re not “supposed” to be struggling in the first place.Is your struggle not socially acceptable?“Where much is given, much is required,” you tell yourself.You want help with your struggles but don’t tell anyone or ask for it because it’s not supposed to be there.You want to be open and honest but you hold back because certain types of struggle (porn) are just “not okay.”If you...2020-09-1725 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation40. Your Newer Better Normal (HTDWP)Do you find yourself frustrated and powerless while wishing for things to be different than they are?Maybe you want to go back in time.Maybe you think a new husband will do the trick. Or you wish you struggled with a different vice than porn.Why do we not want to accept our new “normal”?Why can’t I handle it on on my own like “normal” people?It’s one thing to use imagination as the end goal to help escape our real life in this moment.It’s another thing to use imagination as a tool to help you kn...2020-09-1037 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation39. How to Make Sure You're Progressing (HTDWP)People come to us all the time worried that they aren't progressing:* sustainably* in the way they want to* fast enough* at all* Or everything is just getting worseIf you are here reading this, progress is probably important to you.Even if porn is not your specific issue, these ideas can help you.Wanting instant results with little to know effort is part of what keeps leading you back to porn. Instant dopamine - hardly any effort.Using the same approach that leads you to porn is not going to help you learn the skill of not looking at...2020-09-0338 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation38. I Should Have Known Better (HTDWP)We do it. Our wives do it."I should have known better" seems like a helpful story. But it's hurting you more than you know. How to be less obsessed about making the right decision and more focused on making the best decision you can.When we bash ourselves for decisions we made in the past, we can unknowingly extinguish the confidence and trust in ourselves that we could be accessing now.Confidence and trust that would help you make better decisions now and in the future.We expect to be duped again.We buy into the idea that...2020-08-2826 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation37. Staying Committed and Being Uncomfortable (HTDWP)Looking at porn is a quick, easy way to get a big dopamine hit that tricks our brains into thinking it accomplished something important to our survival.Often times, when guys want to learn to stop looking at porn, they want to take this same approach.Where's the magic pill that makes my desire for porn go away?If I had it, I would have taken it years ago. And I'd be selling it for millions of dollars right now.But if we use the same quick/easy approach in our efforts to quit porn, we'll just keep turning...2020-08-2128 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation36. Special Snowflake Syndrome (HTDWP)You are unique. You are one of a kind. Nobody is arguing with that.But it’s possible to take this mentality to an unhelpful level. To a level that:-halts your ability to change-prevents growth-shoots yourself in the footIt’s called Special Snowflake Syndrome.Signs you might be doing this would be if you are thinking:-That works for other people but not for me.-I’m extra broken.-I always have compassion for others in these scenarios, but not for me.-My situation is just different because______-I should know better.-Other people just don’t understand.Basicall...2020-08-1332 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation35. Spending Time Self-Coaching Actually Saves You Time (HTDWP)If you think you can’t afford to spend time self-coaching, we ask you this:What if you can’t afford not to self-coach?Self-coaching is a way to practice managing your own mind.We’re talking about how having a regular practice of self-coaching can actually create more time for you.How it can create more ease and clarity in your life.Less willpower-battling and more sustainable power.Why people don’t want to do it.Some of the pitfalls people run in to.Our personal experience with self-coaching and just how impactful it has been.Accelerate your desired...2020-08-0635 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation34. Validation (HTDWP)Lots of people want to feel validated, but what does that mean? And what does that look like in marriage?Don’t expect your validation to all come from one person. (Have a few different sources for different subjects)The most important person to get validation from is yourself.You don’t have to validate anyone that you don’t want to.Be willing to recognize whether validation is the most helpful thing for you in that moment.When is validation useful?When is validation not useful?Even if other people validate and agree with you, you are still respon...2020-07-2337 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation33. People Pleasing in Marriage, Part 2 (HTDWP)Alternatives to people pleasing:The importance of wanting.Charity: pure love.Permission to say “no” helps saying “yes” genuinely come from you.Do you think you should be abandoned? Do you think you are worth being married too? I mean the REAL you. We make this about how others judge us, but it’s about how we judge ourselves.If people you care about are upset with you, and you don’t see this as anything having gone wrong, how different would your approach be?How to show up and support your spouse even better in this situation.Personal experience w...2020-07-1624 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation32. People Pleasing in Marriage, Part 1 (HTDWP)People pleasing comes up a lot with people we work with.It promotes shame and secrecy, not being authentic to yourself.It can interfere with intimacy and connection and healthier relationship.How we see this show up in people’s marriages.The term “people pleasing” sounds too pretty, too pleasant.We’re talking about what people pleasing really is.How to spot it.Why we do it.Why it can almost feel like life-or-death.How to do something constructive about it.Some personal experiences.Maybe you’re worried that honesty with her will limit your access to porn AND to sex wit...2020-07-0929 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation31. How Grounding Can Help Your Marriage, Part 2 (HTDWP)What kind of thoughts are grounding?Which ones aren’t?Thoughts create Feelings, Feelings drive Actions, Actions create Results.The results in your life start with your thoughts.Thoughts are optional.What if you knew that you could handle any emotion or body sensation (or urge) that came your way?What would that be like?How do you start creating a more fully engaged human experience for yourself?Reframing things in your mind can make all the difference. So let’s do it intentionally. Because it’s life-changing in all the most important ways.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certif...2020-07-0220 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation30. How Grounding Can Help Your Marriage, Part 1 (HTDWP)Like an electrical circuit, the human body has energy and even literally electricity flowing through it.Thoughts and emotions have energy to them.But what do you do when it feels like there is a short circuit?What can you do with the excess energy or the energy that’s stuck? Or with emotional pain that seems overwhelming?Or with urges that seem overpowering?Grounding is a place to start.It is a skill you can learn.Some activities may be more naturally grounding for you. Find what works for you.Some different ideas on how to approach grounding.Wh...2020-06-2538 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation29. What Does It Mean to Be a Provider? (HTDWP)How do you approach your decisions about money in your marriage?Do you feel insecure? Get defensive? Do you just defer to the one making the money to make the “big” money decisions?This comes up for people all the time in our conversations with them.When Danny stopped working for a time, and Lindsay began working, it felt like our world got turned upside down.It was challenging. There were doubts, insecurities, friction to be worked through.You don’t need your circumstances to become drastic or dire to learn these valuable lessons from our experience. You may able t...2020-06-1844 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation28. The Decisions You Don't Even Know You're Making (HTDWP)Deciding is one of the most powerful things we do. In fact, all of your power starts with deciding.How are you directing that power?What holds you back?What decisions might you be making without even realizing it?We are talking about how your brain might be behaving in these situations, and how you can better utilize that machinery to create the life you want. To make the change you’ve been looking for. To take some of that weight off of your shoulders.You are probably lugging more weight around with you than you realize with your ap...2020-06-1139 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation27. Results - Why You Are Where You Are Now (HTDWP)What are your current results in life and why do you have those results?If you know you want something more, don’t get ahead of yourself.First, it’s so important to understand why you are where you are now. Doing so will allow you to create new results in your life. We are using the Self-Coaching Model to explain how to start this process.How it has impacted us personally. How it is impacting clients.What blindspots might you have in your own brain/thought patterns?Even though actions are what create results, your results ultimately start some...2020-06-0436 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation26. Feelings Drive Your Actions More Than You Know (HTDWP)Some people say “I don’t have time for feelings, I just need to get the job done.” But what they don’t know is that feelings help get the job done.That’s why we are talking about feelings in this episode. If you want to achieve your goals, get out of pain, improve your life, grow, then feelings are crucial.Many of us naturally disconnect from our feelings.Feelings drive your actions.What are they? Where do they come from?Where do I start? How do we approach them without getting overwhelmed?What if it feels awkward, uncomforta...2020-05-2833 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation25. Fact vs. Story (HTDWP)What stories about your problem do you assume to be true?We’re discussing why this is so important to look at. How it can reduce your pain. How it can empower you to take control of your life in a new way. How it can help you create results you don’t even currently realize are possible.Some personal examples.Could the stories you tell in your brain be creating your results in your life? Could they be optional?Circumstances (Facts):-neutral data points that have happened in the world-something about which everyone agrees-no adjectives or judgmentsThoughts (Story):-sen...2020-05-2134 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation24. Intentional Healing (HTDWP)Why are we talking about this?-for people who want to heal from past injuries-but also for people trying to get in the game and perform at a higher levelDanny’s experience with PTSD. Lindsay’s experience with numbing.Our bodies want to heal. Period. Not only physically but also emotionally.3 steps to intentional healing:-safety-correction-repetitionBe your own biggest proponent for your healthcare and healing in general.This is not only about healing and recovering from past injuries (physical or emotional), but also about the future. If you became really skilled at healing, what would that mean for you?What...2020-05-1430 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation23. Fear of Failure (HTDWP)Bad news: if you want a change or want to accomplish something new, you’ll need to fail, a lot. We’re talking about why we naturally think this is bad news and how it might actually be good news.Why do we fear failure? What is so bad about it? Which part of that do we actually control?Failing well is a skill. And an essential one to get you where you really want to go. How to start developing that skill.Some empowering questions from Linz at the end. And, as usual, some personal experiences thrown in alon...2020-05-0731 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation22. Who You Are vs. Who You Want the World to See (HTDWP)You know that space between who you actually are and who you want the world to see? We’re talking about that here. Why is it there? How do we bring them into alignment? What gets in the way?Whether it’s wanting to be the kind of guy that doesn’t look at porn (while you’re not that guy yet). Or some other way that your current situation doesn’t quite match with where you want to be. You can bridge the gap if that’s what you want. There really is a way. So tune in.Lindsay and...2020-04-3028 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation21. Real Self-Care is Different Than What You Think It Is (HTDWP)Why are we talking about self-care? Maybe you’ve heard it’s important. Maybe you want to get better at it but struggle to know where to start. Or maybe you have a hard time getting yourself to do the things that you’d really like to do to take care of yourself. We’ve been there. We can relate.Join us as we talk about what real self-care is and why it is important. Signs that you might not be taking care of yourself in some way. How to use self-care to help you better achieve your goals in life...2020-04-2333 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation20. Managing Triggers When Going in Public With Your HusbandDo you struggle going out in public together? Are you worried about your husband’s wandering eyes? Do you hate the feelings that come up? Do you feel like you’d rather just not go out, or have to control how and where you go to work around this?We are talking about why you might be having these feelings and how to work through them and manage them in a more empowering way.For you husbands who worry about your own triggers and wandering eyes, some tips for how to approach this as well. You have so much more powe...2020-04-1640 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation19. For the Parents of the Person Who Needs Coaching (HTDWP)People often hire us to coach their kids, whether they are trying to go on a mission, a return missionary, or just learning to navigate their life as a young adult. Since they are the ones paying and their loved one is the one getting coached, sometimes there are some questions that come up.In this podcast, we address some of those questions. We take you through some of the things that might be going on in your mind, what to start being aware of, and helpful ways to proceed in making your decision.How to best show up...2020-04-1031 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation18. How to Start Mastering Your Emotions and Why (HTDWP)A powerful concept to help you in your efforts to manage your emotions: 50/50. What buffering is and why we do it. Common pitfalls in the way we approach our negative emotions.The 50/50 progression. How this can help you to drop habits you want to drop, reach your goals, and start creating in a way that’s unstoppable. You only have one life as a human, so how do you make the most of experiencing the full human experience.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny he...2020-04-0331 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation17. Being Home Together: Problem or Opportunity? (HTDWP)Do you have problems from being quarantined? Or have you just been quarantining your problems?Get a little insight into why things might not be as pretty as you’d hoped they’d be while you are all quarantined at home together. Some helpful tips.A guide on how to stay sane during this time, and really any time. Because the reality is, you can have anxiety/stress provoking thoughts and feelings at any time, COVID-19 or not, quarantined or not. Likewise, you can show yourself some love by owning what you can control, empowering yourself, and showing up the...2020-03-2735 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation16. Navigating the Fear Cycle (HTDWP)Nothing has gone wrong if you’ve felt fear. If you’ve never felt afraid then you might not be human.How we end up in a fear cycle and how to break out of it. Some useful questions and helpful tips.A few personal experiences mixed in.Why the feeling of fear itself cannot actually harm you.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys stop looking at porn. Lindsay helps women in their marriage whether it’s affected by porn or not. For mo...2020-03-1730 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation15. When Your Progress Isn't Fast Enough For Your Spouse (HTDWP)Do you feel hurt when your spouse says you aren’t progressing fast enough? Or even just from imagining they are thinking this? You are not alone.Being sensitive to something someone says about you can be an amazing opportunity. How to turn it into an opportunity instead of just more needless suffering.Join life coaches, and married couple, Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss:-challenges we are faced with when it comes to this.-an example from a client.-where the hurt actually comes from.-a dart throwing analogy.-how to manage it-an empowering way to look at...2020-03-1023 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation14. Want Awareness (HTDWP)Many of us don’t take the time to tap into what it is that we want in life. Maybe we avoid it because: we think we won’t get it, think we shouldn’t want it (judge ourselves), think we’ll get our hopes up and they’ll be dashed, think others wants are more important than our own, think there’s not enough of the thing we want to get some for us, think there is not enough time/energy/money to get it. Maybe we just don’t know how to want.Life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelma...2020-03-0628 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation13. Understanding Your Relationship in a New Way (HTDWP)What kind of marriage relationship do you have? One where you always feel the need to stick up for yourself? Or where you are complying and being the peacekeeper all while seething inside? Have you become apathetic and given up on the chance of things being better? Or are you on the offensive, attacking, backbiting, cheating, criticizing?Certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss pornography and marriage. They share some insights into their relationship before and now. A new way to understand you marriage relationship and, really, your relationship with anybody/anything. Will you wait around...2020-02-2729 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation12. Why Should She Get Help? (HTDWP)“Why should I get help when he’s the one with the problem!” Only you know if you need help from a coach or not. But if you are wanting something from your life, and you are not getting there (maybe you’re even stuck!), you may want to consider hiring a coach for yourself. Join certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss examples of problems the spouse of the one looking at porn might come to us with. Lindsay shares her personal experience of going from victim and disempowered to empowered and totally boss! Benefits such as...2020-02-2148 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation11. Feelings Don't Come From Roses. They Come From Thoughts. (HTDWP)Valentine’s Day, like other holidays, can be triggering for people. Some people will be more likely to look at pornography around holidays. Some people just can’t seem to have the Valentine’s Day experience they dream of. Join certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss why that is and why can it seem even more complicated in a marriage relationship. How to be aware of what you might be doing, that you think is helping, but may actually be hurting. Some alternative approaches that may get you closer to the results you actually want in you...2020-02-1425 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation8. Managing Overwhelm (HTDWP)What it was like for Danny when telling Lindsay about his struggles with pornography. What it was like for Lindsay managing life as a working mom and caretaker. How we struggled with overwhelm. What made it worse? What helped? Patterns we noticed. We discuss some practical approaches to managing overwhelm, sharing some specific examples. Some strategies you can begin implementing simply and right away.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.comFor Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSTART...2020-01-1525 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation7. Trust (HTDWP)7. Trust by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich...2019-12-1025 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation6. Boundaries (HTDWP)6. Boundaries by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich...2019-12-1030 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation5. Don't Need to "Fix Him" to Feel Better (HTDWP)5. Don't Need to "Fix Him" to Feel Better by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and...2019-12-1023 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation4. How to Feel Safe (HTDWP)4. How to Feel Safe by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To...2019-12-1029 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation3. Divorce or Not? (HTDWP)3. Divorce or Not? by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal...2019-12-1029 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation2. Dealing with Shame (HTDWP)2. Dealing with Shame by Danny & Lindsay PoelmanSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal...2019-12-1026 min
Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation1. Telling Her (HTDWP)Why are we doing this podcast? To help people who are struggling in shame, silently, with something that affects so many people. Yet no one wants to talk about it. So if we can talk about this as a couple, committed, and loving each other, in an open empowering way, then we want to. What it was like for Danny when he first told Linz about using pornography. What it was like for Lindsay. What helped? How we can accept, appreciate it and thank our process for what it was.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.comFor Danny's...2019-12-1023 min