Shows
Think QueerlyInterview with Mark J Silverman: Executive Coach, Speaker, Podcaster, and Best-Selling AuthorIn this episode, we talk about Mark recently turning 60, the fallacy of multi-passionate creatives, and what success really means. But our primary focus is Mark's signature approach to productivity, his Only 10s framework. He jokes that if you were to show him your to-do list, it would be like reading tarot cards. He would be able to tell you in an instant what you value, what you like and dislike, and what you're afraid of doing.Show notes, links, and watch the interview on video at Queering Self-Mastery with Darren Stehle.------2022-10-0748 minThink QueerlyInterview with Michelle Douglas, Executive Director, LGBT Purge FundWe start at the very beginning: why she decided to join the Canadian Military. Douglas shares her story of what that was like, falling in love with another woman in her unit for the first time, being honourably discharged, and what happened after. Ironically, Douglas worked for the Canadian Department of Justice for many years, while working in advocacy to keep the government accountable. Douglas explains how in 2016, survivors of the LGBT Purge launched a nationwide class action lawsuit against the Canadian government. She was approached to manage the resulting settlement fund reached in 2018, and th...2022-07-2953 minThink QueerlyEver Feel Challenged to Live an Inspired Queer Life?For once, I'm the one being asked the questions! Enjoy this re-cast of the podcast, 40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk, hosted by Rick Clemons."Ever feel challenged to live an inspired queer life? Feeling aimless and not sure what is next? Fellow Queer coach Darren Stehle challenges us to take a deeper step into self-mastery, ideation, and the journey of inspired action to live our most powerful lives as gay men over 40. You’ll learn useful techniques for bringing your ideal life to life."Rick Clemons is a well-known culture disruptor (in a good way), “clos...2022-07-2045 min
40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.Living an Inspired Queer LIfe After 40 - Darren StehleEver feel challenged to live an inspired queer life? Feeling aimless and not sure what is next? Fellow Queer coach Darren Stehle challenges us to take a deeper step into self-mastery, ideation, and the journey of inspired action to live our most powerful lives as gay men over 40. You'll learn useful techniques for bringing your ideal life to life.
About Darren
Darren Stehle is a thinker, writer, host of the Think Queerly Podcast, and a Neuro-Coach. He helps queer solo creatives and leaders go from confusion to having actionable strategies and a purposeful direction to make a meaningful...2022-07-0844 minThink QueerlyCultivating Leadership That Cares About its Employees — The Role of Neuroscience in Diversity, Equity, and LGBTQ+ Inclusion.In neuroscience, the ACC is an acronym for the anterior cingulate cortex, the part of the brain commonly called the animal or mammalian brain.Most animals have basic needs like food, shelter, safety, and procreation. If those needs are met, the animal feels safe. If not, they feel higher levels of stress and threat. Humans have the same needs.The ACC has a second meaning from a personal leadership and behavioural viewpoint.In this context, the ACC stands for Acceptance, Connection, and Care (credit to my coach, Dax Moy). These are core human...2022-06-1519 minThink QueerlyEverything We Value, We’ve Been Taught to Value. Don’t Be Pink-Washed by Corporations Vying for Your LGBTQ+ Money this June.You have the power to demand inclusion, dignity, and respect 365 days a year because you can take your purchasing power elsewhere.But don’t sit in silence with your decision to support LGBTQ+ businesses or allies.☞ Read the full article here.**********As a queer thought leader, neuro-coach, writer, and podcaster, Darren Stehle helps LGBTQ+ creators and change-makers develop their self-mastery and go from confusion to making an impactful difference in the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.2022-06-0519 min
#ILoveGay Today#ILoveGay Today - Darren Stehle: Transformational Coach, Writer, and Host of Think Queerly Podcast#ILoveGay Today meets up with Darren Stehle of Toronto - Transformational Coach, Writer, and Host of Think Queerly Podcast. Listen in as we chat about both Darren's work and his professional history in the LGBTQ+ community. As a certified MindMap Mastery Coach, he specializes in the areas of behavioral and change science in relation to lifestyle and transformational coaching. With his show, Think Queerly Podcast, he explores LGBTQ+ history, social change, and political issues with thought leaders and creators who are making a difference in the lives of queer people and for our common humanity.2022-04-1116 minThink Queerly[Invitation] — 30-Day IDEA(tion) Coaching Jump-Start for Queer Creators & Change-MakersIf you're feeling stuck, frustrated, or unsure of what to do next and how to make a difference, I have a way to help. The most powerful word in the English language is, “Let’s.” As in, let's do this together.If you’re an LGBTQ creator or change-maker who is working to make a difference in the lives of other queer people, I invite you to join me for a free 30-Day IDEAtion Coaching Jumpstart.The Jump-start process will provide you with laser-sharp insight, establish actionable strategies so that you have a clear direction to move...2022-03-1006 minThink QueerlyThe Threat of Religious Extremism and Radicalized Individuals to the Common GoodCritical thinking is not about being judgemental of other people for their ideas or beliefs. Instead, critical thinking is the practice of impartiality — attempting to suspend opinion, subjectivity, or outrage — while practicing logical, open-ended questioning and sometimes dialectical reasoning.In this episode, I discuss,The willingness and openness to understand another person - without prejudice - is a form of humility.The most significant challenge with critical thinking is the intersection and potential conflict of one's beliefs.Why “sincerely held religious beliefs” are nothing more than a form of self-defence for prejudicial beliefs and choices that fly in the face of univer...2022-02-2321 minThink QueerlyWhat Can You Control in Your Life to Experience More Love, Happiness, and Freedom?The minute we think we have control, it can be taken away. In essence, there is really nothing that we can hold on to with the absolute certainty that it will never change. We might hold on to a rock and believe that is the perfect example of permanence until we accidentally drop it and it breaks into several pieces.In today's episode, I will take you through a 3-step Personal Evolution Process to define, refine, and get into alignment with what you can and what you cannot control in your life. Ultimately, having a sense of...2021-09-1023 minThink QueerlyWhat Should You Do When You Don't Feel Competent Enough?Take a few, deep breaths and then get curious about why you feel that way.Being curious isn't going to solve all your problems. However, being curious is great for your state of mind and for the humility and self-awareness that comes into play - especially when you are truly open-minded and genuinely curious to learn and improve your skillfulness.Instead of making excuses, seek to be curious instead.Sharpening the saw is how you refine your skills to become more effective and efficient at cutting that block of wood. Not knowing something — your ignora...2021-04-2710 minThink QueerlySex and the Gay Christian with Jon Carl LewisIn this episode of Think Queerly, I speak with Jon Carl Lewis, the founder of Sex and the Gay Christian. He is also one of my coaching clients.Jon Carl Lewis has studied theology, scripture, discernment, and ethics at Princeton Theological Seminary, Harvard Divinity School and General Theological Seminary. He is currently in training to be a spiritual director, which immerses him in contemplative practices designed to integrate an awareness of the Divine presence into every aspect of one’s personhood and relationships.Throughout his studies, he has been distracted by questions he didn’t thin...2021-04-201h 08Think QueerlyWhat Are Your Statements of Self-Truth?In a recent coaching session, my client asked me to send instructions on how to craft his "statements of self-truth."He was telling me about using affirmations and trying to think positive. We had a discussion about how those words and actions are mostly meaningless because they don't connect with truth.The truth is, we can improve who we are and how we feel about ourselves by accepting our current reality — our current truth — and building upon that truth. Accepting where you are doesn't mean you have to settle there. It only means you recognize the truth...2021-04-0420 minThink QueerlyThe Fear Of Death Is Illogical — What We Are Actually Afraid Of Is LivingIt’s not death that we are afraid of, it’s living.We hold ourselves back from living fully, playfully, authentically, unabashedly, and freely. We waste our lives planning for a moment when our consciousness will cease to exist. Is that not ironic, if not a paradox?Why then are we afraid of living?"The Fear Of Death Is Illogical — What We Are Actually Afraid Of Is Living"Darren Stehle is a coach, writer, and host of the Think Queerly Podcast. He helps deep thinkers & creatives cultivate their purpose & uniqueness to enjoy...2021-03-0312 minThink QueerlyHow The One Creates The Other — On Natural Diversity and DualitiesIn this episode, I dive deep into the nature of dualities from a Taoist perspective and speak to the synthesis and harmonization of opposites — better expressed as dualities. I quote Wing-Tsit Chan’s translation of the second verse of the Tao Te Ching (from “The Way of Lao Tzu”). “Being and non-being produce each other;Difficult and easy compliment each other;Long and short contrast each other;High and low distinguish each other;Sound and voice harmonize each other;Front and behind accompany each other."Chan’s comments about the second verse...2021-02-2123 minThink QueerlyDoes Your Moral Character Commune Understanding and Respect for Human Dignity?In part I and part II of this series (the previous episode, 171) I discussed the qualities that define our humanity and support one’s integrity. These qualities include your character traits, core values, and beliefs. Knowing these qualities support what you stand for in life, but without a meaningful purpose, you won’t have clarity or direction about where you’re going in life and why.In this episode, I dive into the much bigger picture: Where do you as an individual ground yourself in the larger, moral landscape to commune with the rest of humanity in a bala...2021-02-1825 minThink QueerlyOn Staying Insecure and Embracing Imposter SyndromeCreating Anything New is a Form of Transformation.Metaphorically, transformation is like the potential that exists inside an apple seed. Without water and soil for it to take root, the apple seed remains unremarkable. Yet, with the nourishment of water, nutrients from the soil, and the right conditions the seed will transform from an almost unnoticeable speck into a tree that provides hundreds of delicious apples, year after year.The same is true of a new idea — be that a philosophy, a new approach, revolutionary software, or a scientific breakthrough. Greatness is a kind of tr...2021-01-2217 minThink QueerlyWhat To Do When You Can't Figure Out Why You're Not Doing What You Want (P.E.P.)We are creatures of habit.We find it easy to do the things we have repeatedly done, so long as the original conditions that supported that habit or action are still relevant or present. So, what does that mean?If you’re no longer doing something that used to be easy, something you’ve done almost unconsciously for years, ask yourself, “What’s changed?”To answer this question, look to the last time when you easily, effortlessly, and repeatedly performed and completed your habit without fail. Consider the following:What are the conditions...2021-01-1730 minThink QueerlyDivisiveness Is an Illusion on Either Side of BalanceWelcome to my new, year-long series, “Thinking Queerly” — a revisiting of my book, “Think Queerly: Meditations & Critical Reflections On Liberating Humanity.” Over the next 52-weeks, I will be selecting and re-working what I hope are the most impactful 52 passages (there are about 110) to dive deep into the well of metaphor — the place of paradox where queerness dances unabashedly.After each “passage” I intend to resurface from metaphor and paradox with a clear explanation of what it is I wish to share, with an invitation to practice what I trust will be insightful. Read the article, "Divisiveness Is an Illusi...2020-09-1013 minThink QueerlyBeauty Is Judgement In the Eye of the BeholderThe beauty industry — which includes cosmetics, fashion, weight-loss and body-building programs — is dependent upon a conventional concept that ugly is something universal and quantifiable based on what you don’t have. This becomes a system in which one’s perceived beauty is never good enough by comparison and needs to be continually improved.Through repeated advertising of images that the beauty industry tells you are beautiful, we begin to believe it unquestionably. The models representing brands or thirst-traps on Instagram are promoted as ideals and objective representations of what the perfect body or perfect face should look like.2020-09-0326 minThink QueerlySelf-Sabotage is the Shame-filled Mistake of Personal DevelopmentI used to think that self-sabotage made sense until I learned how to see it differently through neuroscience. There is no such thing as self-sabotage.The way we have used language to come up with such a term is a shameful way to critique and judge yourself! But if self-sabotage isn’t a real thing, then why did we come up with the term? What’s the reason for not doing what you know you need to do to get what you want in life?Comfort, Prediction, and Response.First, we need...2020-08-2829 minThink QueerlyThe Way of No ContentionInstead, we only need to look at nature and the natural order of things to be reminded of how the world works. By the fact that we are part of the world — that we are the *stuff* of this world — so too will our delusions of power and control be washed away — whether that be in the form of social evolution or annihilation.Read the post, The Way of No Contention: One of the 6 Principles of Human-Hearted Leadership.GET VIQ!When you support the podcast, you'll get my new series, “Thinking Queerly: 52-Weeks of Queer...2020-08-1915 minThink QueerlyWhat Is Human-Hearted Leadership?In this episode, I share an early draft introduction to my, “Six Principles of Human-Hearted Leadership.” I share why these principles are based in the Tao Te Ching, what that 2,500-year-old text can tell us about personal responsibility — not just for ourselves but also for all lives on this planet, and the role of the ego versus nature. Lastly, I share my plan to teach the core concepts of the Tao Te Ching in an easy-to-understand manner that will include thought exercises to practice leading a more human-hearted life. Read the article on Mediumhttps://medium...2020-08-1421 minThink QueerlyHow Can We Understand Gender Within the Fluidity of Human Nature?Perhaps the question we need to ask instead is, “What is gender?”, followed by, “What are ways to describe gender?”Notice I didn’t say, “How can we describe gender?” The difference between ‘what’ and ‘how’ is subtle but an important thought exercise in the understanding of gender as an idea or a concept, and less as a label or a container, in which we might try to drop people into.The later is what most of society has tried to do for millennia, establishing a codex, written or unwritten, of what is ‘male’ or ‘female’. With this invitatio...2020-08-0713 minThink QueerlyHow the Murder of a 12-Year Old Boy Shaped My Queerness43 years ago today, on August 1, 1977, I was 11-years old. It's a significant moment in Toronto queer history and it was most certainly formative of early queer identity, albeit not in a positive way at the time. Looking back, this incident may have been the root-cause of what made me intent on making a difference in the world, especially for other queer people.Read the article on DarrenStehle.com: How the Murder of a 12-Year Old Boy Shaped My Queerness. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more infor...2020-08-0119 minThink QueerlyTo Kill Your Darlings — Move Forward By Letting GoOver the weekend I wasn’t feeling well, worn out from the heat and humidity, and stuck in my head feeling somewhat depressed. I decided to lay low and take it easy and binged on Netflix. I was feeling a lot of stress and worry about how to make progress on some projects I’m working on when I'm feeling so scattered and unfocused all the time.I knew what the problem was. I just hadn't figured out how to address it.That worrying caused me to think deeply all day. On Sunday, I felt bett...2020-07-1622 minThink QueerlyFrom Silence to the Deafening Disturbance of DifferenceIt often feels like everyone is speaking at a level that is loud and not in a form we would call dialogue. On social media, in the news, in person we see shouting, personal attacks, and arguing to prove one’s point and seeking to be the winner of the argument.That is a deafening alarm that makes many of us want to pull back and become silent, not to pull out of the discussion, but to bear witness to what is going on to come up with a more meaningful, thoughtful, and hopefully compassionate message which pe...2020-07-0829 minThink QueerlyCelebrating the 2-Year Podcasting Anniversary of Think QueerlyHappy Anniversary Think Queerly!Two years ago on June 20, 2018, I launched my first podcast. It was called, The Living OUT Podcast, a tongue-in-cheek reference to coming out and being proud to be authentically out. My focus in early episodes was the gay male experience, the uniqueness and creativity that gay men bring to the world, as well as my go-to core subject, personal development..Concurrently, I was running my publication on Medium, Th-Ink Queerly, that had grown exponentially and was about to endure a period of difficulty, due to some personal interactions. What transpired continues t...2020-06-3020 minThink QueerlyHas LGBTQ+ Pride Been White-Washed by White Gay Men?A Think Queerly Podcast Discussion with Shawn BanksLast week I published a post on my Medium publication by Shawn Banks titled, "Why White Gay Men Have Ruined LGBTQ+ Pride Month For Me." My involvement in the comments raised a number of questions in me, so I asked Shawn if he would come on the podcast and have a conversation. We discussed the reasons that prompted him to write the article. He tells me that he was watching the momentum and social media focus on the Black Lives Matters demonstrations in the United States. Then i...2020-06-2658 minThink QueerlyReconfiguring Pride to Savour Black Lives in 2020 and BeyondThink Queerly Discussion with Olivia Nuamah & Jeffrey IovannonePride will always be political so long as it continues to exist. Pride, as a celebration, because it is celebrated, is a priori political because of its origins. Even to those to whom Pride only seems a big party, the nature and existence of Pride is dependent upon its foundations as a political movement.There are multiple intersections of inequalities, systemic norms, laws, attitudes, and ideologies which demonstrate that it’s never a single issue that is the cause of prejudice, bigotry, and racism.Covid-19 ha...2020-06-161h 55Think QueerlySex Shaming During COVID-19 — A Discussion with Shaun ProulxIn this special edition of the Think Queerly Podcast, I speak with my friend and colleague, Shaun Proulx about the issue of shaming and judgment of those who are choosing (and needing) to have sex during the COVID-19 pandemic and social quarantine.Haven’t We Been Here Before?In this episode Shaun and I get right into the various contrasts we are witnessing in human behaviour during the COVID-19 pandemic and why that reminds of our own experiences having lived through the very beginnings of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 1980s.We di...2020-06-1053 minThink QueerlyHumanity’s Tipping Point — Without a Return to Compassion, We’re FinishedHuman Liberation, Planetary Respect, and the Dissolution of Power InequalityIn this episode I discuss:How those of us at the bottom of the pyramid can create social and humanitarian evolution;Why despair holds us back from making meaningful change;Is sharing a meme on social media to support a trending hashtag helpful;My thoughts on #BlackOutTuesday, and;Why the time is NOW to do whatever it takes, without shame, to put a full-stop to bigotry, oppression, racial discrimination, gender and sexual prejudice, and to dissolve corrupt leadership.Links mentioned in the episode:Martha...2020-06-0426 minThink QueerlyWhy Are People So Fucking Angry, Right Now?In today's episode, I discuss the present and observable factors that explain why we respond or react to the stresses, threats, and challenges that this pandemic has brought into our lives:How “hedonic tone” affects (and controls) how we feel which affects our nervous system;The role of the amygdala (the “reptilian” brain) and how it uses our various senses to read the environment to establish the level of threat or safety to us;Why the effects of COVID-19 on society make it challenging to create prediction and response, and thus a feeling of safety and security (low hedonic...2020-05-2918 minThink QueerlyAn Invitation to Experience Things As They Are in the Midst of the COVID-19 PandemicAs we bear witness to this virus and its affect on us, how can we see things differently by embracing natural phenomena for the simplicity of what it is?What we see as perfection is witnessed in the natural order of things, not in what we think or do.Perfection is a natural unfolding; the flow of life on this planet and thus even the Novel Coronavirus is a part of that unfolding or coming into being, regardless of the apparent conditions which may have helped the Novel Coronavirus come into being.Listen...2020-05-2230 minThink Queerly4 Questions to Determine What You Need to Let Go OfIf you are a creative, an entrepreneur, someone who works in the gig-economy, or a business owner, you wear many hats and do a variety of tasks in your work. If you're pulled in several directions but you need to show up in those various areas of business, the only way you can establish and keep boundaries is to make them public. You will need to tell the people you work with or service when you are available; the same goes for keeping true to your personal commitments. This goes entirely against the current Zeitgeist of immediate c...2020-05-1627 minThink QueerlySeizures, Tears, and Chasing Thieves: Getting Certainty In Overwhelming TimesCOVID-19 reveals how some things change while others become more apparentThe biggest challenge lately has been what some are calling, moral fatigue, which is our experience of having to make one too many morally challenging decisions. This is showing up during the pandemic as the personal responsibility and respect we have for front-line workers, paying attention to adequate physical distancing, making sure that we minimize how often we go out to all the places we used to go to without a second thought, and so on.It's Normal to Feel Overwhelmed…But in...2020-05-0922 minThink QueerlyIf Ever There Were a Time to Tell the Truth…This is a powerful thought experiment prompt that could reveal far more about who you are, now during the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown than at any other time.“If ever there were a time to tell the truth, what do I need to say? Who do I need to say it to? Why have I avoided speaking this truth for so long?”You might not find this a difficult or challenging question. This could also be the sort of question that makes you feel immediately uncomfortable. You might get angry or feel depressed as you think...2020-04-3022 minThink QueerlyWhy Gay Shame Is Your SuperpowerDiversity is a gift of uniqueness and creativityWhen did you realize that you had to forgive yourself first, before anyone else, for your “gay shame”?Gay shame is a term used (and possibly coined) by Alan Downs, author of The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing up Gay in a Straight Man’s World . Downs worked as a therapist for gay men, many of whom experienced a lack of validation for their identity during adolescence. When you grow up in the closet, the world around you (in the form of parents, family...2020-04-2222 minThink QueerlyHIV/AIDS in Contrast with the COVID-19 Pandemic — Lessons in HistoryIn this Think Queerly Podcast Leadership Discussion, I speak with Jeffry Iovannone and David Butler about having lived through the origins of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, political and social observations, human behaviour, social media, community response, ACT-UP and activism, and how we can contrast this knowledge with what we are currently experiencing in real-time with COVID-19.Historians have long argued that infectious diseases have changed the course of humanity throughout history.“HIV, a pandemic that is still with us and still lacks a vaccine, has killed an estimated 32 million people and infected 75 million, with more ad...2020-04-101h 44Think QueerlyTimeless Wisdom in a Pandemic: Give Up the Need for ControlIn this episode, I offer a mediation on Verse 29 of The Tao Te Ching in light of the COVID-19 Pandemic and how it is teaching us how little control we have of the world.We have an opportunity to respond to this pandemic in a way that will improve society and change our behaviours and actions in our attempts to control the world and other people. This is a tipping point for humanity , a time for witnessing the harm we have caused the planet and other human beings with aggressive capitalism, unsustainable production, gender and sexual inequality, huma...2020-04-0230 minThink QueerlyCanadian Gay Conversion Therapy Survivor, Matt AshcroftA Think Queerly Leadership InterviewIn this episode I speak with Matt about,How trying to win the approval of his father made him seek out religion.Why this in part led him to become involved with conversion therapy.The years he spent in a private Facebook group (from about 18 to 23 years old) speaking with about 300 other men who classified as having “unwanted same-sex attractions,” how toxic that environment was with mental health issues and shaming, and how and why he was unable to leave.His experience when he attended a so-called “life-changing” conversion therapy camp weekend...2020-03-271h 09Think QueerlyWho Do You Want to Be During the Covid-19 Pandemic?We are all trying to do and be our best, respect physical distancing, staying at home, and keeping ourselves and those we love safe from infection. But what happens when we read too much news, or get caught up in the herd mentality of feeling panicked that we need to go buy 10 kilos of flour or 90 rolls of toilet paper?We are experiencing a worldwide disruption and we don’t know what to do. In these moments of uncertainty, we cannot predict what will happen next. This is what causes worry, upset, panic, anger.From a...2020-03-2420 minThink QueerlyHow to Create Trust and Certainty in Challenging TimesYour feelings, thoughts, words, and actions all lead to the alignment of what’s important to you.Each one of those steps informs the next. If you feel fear and panic, you then think negatively, and choose words like “terrifying” and take an action that is in alignment with that “process.” How we manifest our feelings into the world through action is a reflection of who we are.So, if we are afraid, angry, or terrified, at the feeling level, how does that manifest as an action? How do we interrupt this process at the point of fe...2020-03-1933 minThink QueerlyA Novel Pandemic — How a Virus Could Unite HumanityThe lesson we can bear witness to as this pandemic evolves is that we are all in this world together now. We have to work together as a community, fostering connections and care around the world. This pandemic may be the crisis we need to positively affect climate change, social evolution, income equality, healthcare equality, and human rights.Read the full article on Medium:A Novel Pandemic - How a Virus Could Unite Humanity. ---Download my free book: Think Queerly – Meditations & Critical Reflections On Liberating Humanity. Hosted on Acast...2020-03-1729 minThink QueerlyOwning the Problem Is the Nature of Personal ResponsibilityWe cannot control the actions of others. Instead, personal responsibility is the awareness, recognition, and acceptance of owning the problem.Only you can make your own life-defining choices to live authentically, to live truthfully, and to make a difference in the world. But that can only happen when you accept everything that has ever happened to you as, ‘what is’ and nothing more.Read the full article on Medium: "Self-work Is the Requisite Nature of Personal Responsibility."Leading Queerly with DarrenDownload my free book: Think Queerly – Meditations & Critical Reflections On Liberating Humanit...2020-03-1031 minThink QueerlyHow Can We Avoid Creating the Very Thing We Are Fighting Against?How can we have an opinion about something without defending it?It is incredibly challenging, and sometimes it even feels impossible, to respond to an attack from a place of loving-kindness and acceptance for the other person as a human being, while maintaining the emotional integrity to offer an alternative solution that improves the situation and the humanity of the interaction.Read the complete post on Medium: “How Can We Avoid Creating the Very Thing We Are Fighting Against?”Leading Queerly with DarrenDownload my free book: Think Queerly – Meditations & Critical Reflections On Liberat...2020-02-2028 minThink QueerlyWhen Prejudice is a Drag Queen: The Loss of a Transgressive Art FormHow is drag representative of our queer community?1. Is it acceptable for a drag queen to make jokes that are racist or transphobic?2. Old school drag needs to change with the times and learn how to express our more inclusive values as a community.3. Has drag lost its transgressive nature now that it has become an acceptable capitalist enterprise?4. Social change is coming quickly and often with fury. Pushing too quickly for change is difficult because humans don't like to change. We need to approach this challenge with patience, compassion, and...2020-02-0532 minThink QueerlyThink Queerly: Meditations & Critical Reflections on Liberating HumanityIn my new book, Think Queerly – Meditations & Critical Reflections On Liberating Humanity, I advocate for inclusion and acceptance, as well as elevating consciousness — not just for LGBTQ+ peoples — but for all humanity, by leading from our uniqueness to demonstrate our vital and creative role in society.My book is dedicated to helping queer people discover how to risk expressing and embracing their difference to liberate their authentic selves and take part in creating a more loving and accepting world.The principles I use in coaching queer leadership show up throughout my book. Here are a few:2020-01-3022 minThink QueerlyHow We Treat Each Other As Queer LeadersOne of the most important directives of the Th-Ink Queerly mission statement is that we as queer thinkers and writers are purposefully critical of the status quo. At the same time, we can and should engage with and debate our peers, even when we disagree with them.How we treat our own dictates how others will treat us.But for us to work together successfully as a community of queer thought leaders we need to be mindful of how we support and treat each other, especially in a debate. This is one of the many wa...2020-01-1522 minThink QueerlyInspiration Comes from Within But Support Comes from Other MindsAn invitation to ‘play’ in my Queer Creatives Mastermind ProgramIf you want to make an impact, if you want to use your queer creativity to make a difference in the world, you will benefit from support and interaction with others in a facilitated, structured environment — one that supports a shared mission of thoughtful completion.I want to inspire LGBTQ+ people to connect with their creative genius and their inner motivation to define their purpose so that they can use their difference to make a difference.Are You a Closet Queer Creative?In t...2020-01-1031 minThink QueerlyFurthering my Research into the Development of Queer LeadershipIn this episode, I share the backstory about how the idea for a Queer Leadership began to develop in my mind and how I have arrived at the point where I feel I have the foundations for an evolutionary and transformational Queer Leadership.Want to share your thoughts and feelings about what a Queer Leadership might mean to you?If you would like to contribute to my research, please complete my Queer Leadership Questionnaire.Read the full post on Th-Ink Queerly:Furthering my Research into the Development of Queer Leadership2020-01-0713 minThink QueerlyMy 365-Day Queer Publishing Challenge for 2020I plan to publish every day in 2020 about something queer or LGBTQ related.This may take the form of a written post, a newsletter, a podcast, or a video. The idea is to share my work on Queer Leadership while I am in the process of creating it.What a fantastic way to connect with new people, as well as receive helpful feedback and constructive criticism. This will keep me thinking critically, leading queerly, learning more about what that means, and why it's so important.My focus for 2020 will be primarily on researching...2020-01-0318 minThink QueerlyQueer Liberation vs Assimilation: On the Need for Creativity and Critical ThinkingI created Think Queerly to challenge the status quo and to elevate visibility. As a gay man and as a queer person, I do not want to be normalized. Instead, I want to be recognized and accepted for my difference as a humanizing quality.To that end, I want to state that my podcast and publication of the same name, Think Queerly, will not stand for assimilation of LGBTQ+ peoples. Instead, as I have expressed in the mission statement, Think Queerly supports liberation, i.e. “to improve humanity and equal rights for all”.The value and...2020-01-0122 minThink QueerlyHow Pete Buttigieg 'Covers' His Gay IdentityThose are the words of Jeffry Iovannone from his article titled, “Pete Buttigieg is Not the Gay Candidate I Want”, which was incidentally published on January 27th, 2019, a few days after Buttigieg launched his presidential exploratory committee.Jeff has been a regular guest on the podcast and today he joins me as we discuss Jeff’s follow up essay, “Pete Buttigieg is — Still — Not the Gay Candidate I Want”. We go deeper to consider what we would like to see from someone who is not only gay and out, but someone vying for the leadership of the Democratic Party in th...2019-12-201h 12Think QueerlyWhy the World Needs Queer Creativity Now More Than EverAs queers, we live on the margins — outside the status quo.We are told we do not belong and so we create to be happy, to foster new subcultures in which we feel comfortable, and where we belong. We beautify our spaces and ourselves in such a way that we can identify ourselves to each other in a fashion and style of belonging (yes to the double entendre).The reason for this almost natural queer creativity is simple, if not obvious: we all seek belonging. We seek a community to which we can belong, participate in or...2019-12-0519 minThink QueerlyToo Many Gender Identifying Pronouns: The Decision Fatigue ParadoxPro-actively using gender-affirming pronouns to indicate the diversity and visibility of identity is important for LGBTQ+ human rights.Pronouns used to properly recognize gender and sexual identities are a political act that disrupts the status quo.However, what’s been missing from the ‘pronoun debate’ is the discussion about the nature of language and who or what will have the final say on which pronouns variations endure.One the one hand, it’s valid to declare that proper pronoun use in favour of one’s identity is nonnegotiable and justifiable from a diversity and human...2019-11-2127 minThink QueerlyGender Identity Discussion on Toronto Radio Show, Rainbow CountryRecently, I was a guest on the radio show, Rainbow Country on CIUT 89.5 FM. The creator and host, Mark Tara invited me back for a second show to talk about various aspects of gender identity along with my colleague, scholar and activist, Jeffry J. Iovannone. We discuss the history, definitions, and societal progress for how we understand gender in modern-day terms.What We Cover in the EpisodeStarting at 7m 05s we begin by looking backwards with a brief review of the history of gender identity, LGBTQ — and specifically transgender activism — and how society seems to h...2019-11-1353 minThink QueerlyThe Need for Control and Belonging: The Zeitgeist of Social MediaBlaming LGBTQ and People of Colour for the ills of the world demonstrates ignorance and a lack of critical thinking skills.This morning I read a tweet by someone I follow referencing Tucker Carlson and another right-wing pundit blaming the forest fires in Los Angeles on diversity programs and LGBTQ people:"Tucker Carlson and Dave Rubin Blame California Wildfires on ‘Woke’ Public Utilities Focused on Being Pro-LGBT and Racially Diverse."I had to ask myself, why. Why do people think like this? What is the cause of this? I realized it is nothing more...2019-10-3123 minThink QueerlyLGBTQ Diversity Demonstrates that Dualities Are Artificial ConstructsIf we continue to argue against each other from completely opposite ends of the spectrum, one person firmly on the left and the other on the right — one person on the right side of the equation, the other on the wrong side — we will be forever stuck, unable to affect progressive, evolutionary change to social diversity and LGBTQ equality. We will remain in a stalemate or destroy ourselves and the planet completely.Seeing the world through a queer perspective helps us understand that there is no real living, breathing binary.Rather, the binary is a way...2019-10-2519 minThink QueerlyThe Secret that Lives in the ClosetHow does internalized homophobia in gay men affect other LBTQ individuals?We are taught that we are other, that we don’t belong, that we can’t cross the gender divide. To do so is a form of weakness. Straight-acting gay men are struggling with self-acceptance and personal forgiveness, but they are trapped on the surface level of both physical appearance and mannerisms.I don’t believe that straight-acting gay men don’t have the desire to be authentic, instead, they are ignorant or fearful of that possibility. They haven’t been given the freedom to let the...2019-10-1618 minThink QueerlyQueer Leadership Is Grounded in Self-LeadershipIn today’s show, I explain the reason for changing the show’s name from the Living OUT Podcast to the Think Queerly Podcast. Then I continue with my on-going discussion/living document about the “Way of Queer Leadership”. I ask the core question,How can we create communities of LGBTQ leadership, which includes our allies, to work together to improve humanity – a humanity of belonging?Brené Brown defines a leader as,“… anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.”While tradit...2019-10-0224 minThink QueerlyThe Problem of LGBTQ Division and Eating Our Own – LOP102In-fighting only strengthens those who seek to silence us.Have you ever seen this happen? Queers come together at a large event like Pride where everyone wants to have their voice heard, their opinions honoured and recognized as having value. Sometimes this leads to division or in-fighting within a specific group, like gay male “bitchiness” or one part of the community against another.There are many reasons for the causes of such division. It may involve personal emotions, shame, not knowing oneself well-enough, or something situational. Within the politics of leadership and working to improve huma...2019-09-1824 minThink QueerlyQueering Leadership: An Evolutionary, Humanitarian Approach – LOP101What is integrity and why is it the most important and vital quality in leadership?We demonstrate individual integrity with honesty and strong moral principles to guide our choices and actions. What happens when you make a decision based on strong moral principles but you have to conceal part of the reason for your decision? Is that wrong? Is that dishonest? Or is that one of the many challenges that make leadership fluid and diverse?Rarely are any of our choices perfect, but in leadership, misunderstandings happen only when there isn’t complete and honest di...2019-09-0526 minThink QueerlyCelebrating 100 Episodes of the Living OUT Podcast – LOP100In June 2018 I started the Living OUT Podcast.I had no idea at that time what the show might become. Certainly, I have expanded the breadth of what I talk about since episode 001. Currently, I am focused on sharing The Way of Living OUT Leadership: a new way forward for LGBTQ people – while I’m creating it. Putting that in writing scares me a bit, which is a good sign. This is not a bad or an irrational fear, instead it’s the healthy trepidation that I am creating something new and willing to be open with my pro...2019-08-2927 minThink QueerlyHow Otherness Empowers a Queer Leadership – LOP099How can we work together as a collective of queer thinkers to embrace, demonstrate, and advocate a humanitarian leadership of belonging?How can we – collectively as queer people – lead from the margins to metaphorically corral the disparate fractions of humanity, so that divisiveness between peoples may become less in proximity to create and foster a genuine diversity.There doesn’t yet exist a so-called “queer leadership” per se, or that I know of, but I am working on developing this new style of leadership that our world desperately needs. That starts here, with this “Living Document”, w...2019-08-2218 minThink QueerlyWriting a New Narrative. The Power of Story to Save Humanity – LOP098Live OUT your unique identity to create an LGBTQ leadership that makes a difference in the world.Recently I listened to The TED Interview, Yuval Noah Harari reveals the real dangers ahead in which Harari explains why it might feel like there’s no future for humanity. Serendipity led me to read, George Monbiot: how do we get out of this mess? and to watch his TED Talk, “The new political story that could change everything”.https://www.ted.com/talks/george_monbiot_the_new_political_story_that_could_change_everything#t-714Both Harari...2019-08-1525 minThink QueerlyMy Interview on Gay Radio Show, Rainbow Country – LOP097Mark Tara is an LGBT Content Creator, Recording Artist, and the Creator & Host of the Gay radio show, Rainbow Country 🌈, heard every Tuesday from 11pm-1am on CIUT 89.5FM in Toronto.Mark invited me on the show to talk about coaching, how I became a coach, and why I choose to offer my Life Coaching primarily to GBT men. We also talk about my publication, Th-Ink Queerly on Medium, and of course my show, The Living OUT Podcast – how it all began, and my plans for the future.Mark asked me some interesting and challenging quest...2019-08-0851 minThink QueerlyIf There Is No Binary, Where Does Gender Exist? LOP096How the gender binary limits critical thinking.Earlier this week I was quickly browsing my Facebook feed and read a post that was purposefully provocative and included a text meme of the following: “There are only two genders – Science“.Leaving aside how categorically incorrect, ignorant, and inconsiderate that statement is, it prompted me to question why we so often think in binaries. Why have we created a world that is limited by a way of thinking that is so contentious?When we understand that the gender binary is a conceptual construct, that it’s not re...2019-08-0124 minThink QueerlyTo Make a Difference in the World You Must Live Out Without Apology – LOP095Have you ever felt like you left the best parts of who you are in the closet?Think about that question for a moment. When we come out of the closet as LGBTQ people, most often we experience coming out several times (each time we have to reveal who we are to a new person). Sometimes we regress, fearful of having revealed too much of who we are, and we put some parts of who we are back in the closet.In this episode, I share two times in my life when I was living...2019-07-2527 minThink QueerlyHow to Think Critically, and for Yourself, in the Information Age – LOP094Social Media Constricts Communication and Activates the Fight Response.Recently, someone I follow and highly respect on Facebook, whose training programs I have paid to take part in, posted praise for an author and so-called intellectual for whom I have no respect – Jordan Peterson. In the post, my colleague praised both Peterson’s character and his book, “12 Rules for Life.” I wrote a comment to suggest that Peterson’s moral ethics were questionable, and that just because he’s published a popular book doesn’t he’s an expert in that genre, or that he’s someone that oth...2019-07-1826 minThink QueerlyThe Prejudice of PrEP: You’re Fucked if You Don’t Bareback – LOP093Bareback Privilege and the Demise of Risk-AversionThere's a new kind of gay male sexual privilege, one that’s entering dangerous areas of health, disease control, and prejudice: gay men who are on PrEP and only have bareback sex.There Is Risk in Everything We Do“As renowned PrEP educator and marriage and family therapist, Damon Jacobs, thoughtfully pointed out in a piece for The Advocate titled, “Sex With PrEP, Like Life, Is Never Without Risk,” 133 pedestrians are killed in New York City each year by cars. Just walking out on the street is dange...2019-07-1134 minThink QueerlyPride As a Celebration Is De Facto a Protest, But… LOP092If there was no prejudice against LGBTQ people, we wouldn’t need to hold Pride parades all over the world during Pride month in June.We would be part of every day “straight pride”, which is the freedom to walk out and about without ever having the concern about your gender or sexual identity coming into question.Protests change in size, meaning, and voracity.To celebrate Pride – to revel openly as who we are, in public out on the streets, holding hands with the person we love, kissing our same-sex partner, making out with our...2019-07-0424 minThink QueerlyDeconstructing the Myth of Stonewall and its Influence on Mainstream Society – LOP091A Living OUT Leadership Interview with Jeff Iovannone and Ken GaultIn this special "Pride" episode, we discuss the “Stonewall origin myth” and why the mainstream assumption that “gay liberation” started with Stonewall is both problematic and harmful.According to Jeffry Iovannone, one of the two commentators on this episode,“The danger of the Stonewall myth [...] lies in the fact that it has become not only one story LGBTQ people tell about themselves, but the story we tell about ourselves. Stonewall is not just a narrative, but a meta-narrative: a totalizing account regarded as a unive...2019-06-192h 01Think QueerlyThese Two Simple Words Will Make Your New Habits Stick – LOP090Why Saying “I Can’t” or “No” Won’t Help Change Your BehaviourSome time ago I was following up with a coaching client about his challenge of saying “Yes” to too many opportunities. He was getting bogged down in commitments which were distracting from what was most important in his life and career. He felt very uncomfortable saying "no" to someone who asked for his help or advice – which on the one hand is a compliment – but on the other hand, he needed to say “yes” to his own needs, before anyone else.I’ve spoken about this befor...2019-06-1317 minThink QueerlyThe Participation of Uniformed Police at Toronto Pride in 2019 – LOP089Why Black Lives Matters was right: Uniformed Police have no place at Pride.Imagine watching the Pride Parade on a gorgeous, sunny, summer day in Toronto, 2016. You’re smiling, laughing, and feeling part of something bigger than yourself, celebrating love and diversity marching down Yonge Street in Toronto.Suddenly you hear whistles and a voice on a bull horn shouting demands. A group of people calling themselves Black Lives Matters (BLM) stops the entire Toronto Pride Parade by sitting down on the hot asphalt on Yonge Street, halting the parade for about 45 minutes.Wh...2019-06-0529 minThink QueerlyWhat’s in a Name? The Importance of Being Queer – LOP088In the last episode, I mentioned I was considering changing the name of the Living OUT Podcast. I’m happy to say that Living OUT is the right name for my podcast.This all has to do with my core message. I’m about challenging the status quo – both other people’s beliefs, as well as my own. I help people use their difference to make a difference. I want to help people Live Out the best of who they are, to live out their authentic self that they may only share with people they trust. Why should w...2019-05-3026 minThink QueerlyFeeling Sorry for Yourself? How to Overcome that Problem – LOP087One morning about four years ago I was feeling sorry for myself. I had been wallowing in self pity and I suddenly “woke up” and decided to journal about what I was feeling so that I could change my emotional state.What was I feeling sorry about?I was feeling sorry for myself that I was tired, emotionally drained, that I was working so hard, that I didn’t have enough money, and that I was about to make a shift in my business focus yet again. I was also incredibly sore from my workout the da...2019-05-2327 minThink QueerlyAndria Wilson, Executive Director, Inside Out Toronto LGBT Film Festival – LOP086Inside Out is a not-for-profit registered charity that exists to challenge attitudes and change lives through the promotion, production and exhibition of film made by and about lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT) people of all ages, races and abilities.For more than two decades, Inside Out has brought Toronto's LGBT community together in celebration of the best queer film from Canada and around the world.In 1985, I saw my first “gay” film at TIFF (The Toronto International Film Festival), “No Sad Songs”, a Canada documentary film directed by Nik Sheehan. I had come out the year...2019-05-2049 minThink QueerlyFleeing Iraq as a Gay Man to Avoid Dying at the Hands of ISIS – LOP085Omar's story and his journey to Canada as a refugeeImagine living in a country where, if you were found out to be gay by ISIS, you would be thrown off the tallest building around, while your family and friends were forced to watch.This is the story of Omar and two of the people who have been part of a very long process to bring him safely to Canada. As part of Omar’s application process for Rainbow Refugee, he wrote,“My name is Omar. I'm from Iraq and I'm gay. I left...2019-05-161h 01Think QueerlyThe INSPIRE Awards with Antoine Elhashem – LOP084Living OUT LeadershipToday we are speaking with Antoine Elhashem, the founder of the annual Inspire Awards which honours the most inspiring people, youth, businesses and organizations in the LGBTQ community in the Greater Toronto Area.Antoine is quite the Renaissance man! He is founder and president of INSPIRE Awards. He is very active in the community and has volunteered for and sat on the board of directors of a number of community organizations. Antoine is the president and publisher of LGBTQ community media INspired Media Inc, which publishes The Pink Pages Directory, theBUZZ, and...2019-05-1355 minThink QueerlyIn Defence of Queers Disrupting the Status Quo – LOP083About twice a month I write a newsletter to share and promote the queer thought leadership that’s published on my magazine, Th-Ink Queerly on Medium. The day after I published, Normate Gays, an LGBTQ Canadian Coin, and the Importance of Inconvenience I received a response to the newsletter. The offended party wrote:“Take me off your mailing list please. I will not be called queer, it is offensive and disgusting. Besides half the weird shit I read from you makes me very very angry. You've absolutely lost the plot...you people make me not want to be g...2019-05-0926 minThink QueerlyRemaking Manhood and #MeToo with Mark Greene – LOP082Mark Greene is an Emmy Winning animator, author, speaker, parent and Senior Editor at The Good Men Project.He is the founder of Remaking Manhood, a Facebook community promoting a wider-ranging conversation about masculinity. Mark’s articles on masculinity have been shared half a million times on social media with 20 million page views. He has written and spoken about men’s issues at Salon, Shriver Report, Huffington Post, HLN, BBC, and the New York Times.He’s the author of The Little #MeToo Book for Men and Remaking Manhood, and the co-author along with Dr. Saliha Bav...2019-05-061h 14Think QueerlyThe 10 Commandments of the Heteronormative Patriarchy – LOP081Behold, these are the 10 Commandments of the Heteronormative Patriarchy for gay men who want to blend in, fit in, act like everyone else, and be respectable!Thou shalt judge other gays.Thou shalt hold your voice silent when others make homophobic comments.Thou shalt minimize talking about your sex or love life, if at all.Thou shalt control your mannerisms, never flamboyant or feminine.Thou shalt never make a straight man feel uncomfortable with your eyes.Thou shalt act like “one of the boys” and fit in.Thou shalt keep conversations safe and inclusive for straights.Thou shalt wear...2019-05-0216 minThink QueerlyVulnerability: How Gay Men Teach the Cleansing of Shame – LOP080Brene Brown is considered an expert in her research on vulnerability and shame. What she teaches in her program, The Power of Vulnerability provides a powerful foundation to how we, as gay men and LGBTQ people, can use our difference to make a difference. Vulnerability helps us deal with our own gay shame, and in the process lead others in society on how to cleanse shame.In this episode, I bring together Brown’s insights on vulnerability with one of the 14 gay male gifts – as taught in Raymond Rigoglioso in Gay Men And The New Way Forward – namely...2019-04-2927 minThink QueerlyAre You “Special”? Queer, Disabled, and Sex Workers – LOP079Why be normal when you can be different?How do you exist in the gay world that prioritizes the “normate gay” (white, cis-male, physically fit) when you are disabled? One way is to lead with humour. This is exactly what Ryan O’Connell does with his hilarious and powerful new show on Netflix, Special. O’Connell wrote the script and plays the main character based loosely on his own life, who is also called Ryan.Show synopsisSpecial, is a distinctive and uplifting new series about a gay man, Ryan with mild cerebral palsy wh...2019-04-2518 minThink QueerlyThe Truth About Gay Men: Shaun Proulx Show Interview – LOP078One truth I know about gay men is that many of us don't know how to be men.How can we live out our most authentic gay selves when we are faced with challenges like toxic masculinity, which attempts to regulate the feminine in all men?In our own community, we face toxic gay masculinity that’s manifest in gay men who identify as straight-acting (who, for example, advertise as “masc seeking same” on dating apps). Nor do we live in the world of a simple binary anymore. We have trans men and women, and people...2019-04-2223 minThink QueerlyJeffry Iovannone: Deconstructing the Ideal Gay Male Body – LOP077Living OUT Leadership Interview SeriesJeff Iovannone is an activist-scholar, writer, educator, and researcher from Buffalo, New York who holds a Ph.D. in American Studies and specializes in gender and LGBTQ studies. He is the creator of the blog Queer History for the People, a columnist for Th-Ink Queerly, a member of the Buffalo-Niagara LGBTQ History Project, and is a founding member of Body Liberated Buffalo, a volunteer-run activist and advocacy group that works for body liberation in Western New York.In this episode, we discuss the multitude of issues that create the “problem” of t...2019-04-151h 22Think QueerlyThe Many Paths of Living OUT Leadership – LOP076We Are Living in Troubled Times.Many of us feel compelled to do something, to affect change, but we might feel powerless, disconnected, or unsure how a single person could change the world for the better.I’ve been working on creating and describing the foundations of personal leadership for myself, and by extension other men who identify as gay. I’ve been working on this idea since February 2018, which eventually lead to the launch of the Living OUT Podcast in June of that year.At the start of this year I came up w...2019-04-1128 minThink QueerlyWere Religions Invented to Control the Ego’s Fear of the Other? LOP075How is it possible for “a sincerely held religious belief” to be used as an acceptable form of discrimination?The answer is simple. There are far too many powerful egos in power pandering to far too many fearful egos who scream the loudest and also throw the largest amount of cash and support behind any politician who helps them get their way.Last week LGBTQ lives and rights were yet again put into question:The Texas Senate on Tuesday gave its initial OK to a bill that civil rights advocates say would give stat...2019-04-0828 minThink QueerlyWe Wait for Nothing or We Create Something – LOP074There is no in-between. Life is ephemeral. Everything is temporary. We only have this moment now, so if you are not consciously doing something that serves you or makes you happy, how does waiting serve you?When challenging things happen – and they will – ask yourself, “What's the opportunity here?” – Rich LitvinA Coaching Client Story.One of my clients felt like it was wrong to have a goal around money. I asked, “What’s wrong with money for you?” He said, “I judge money for not being there.” He felt that he was showing up more in t...2019-04-0425 minThink QueerlyA Message About Hope – LOP073We can hope for change, we can hope for things to get better, we can hope for LGBTQ equality, but hope internalized is nothing but a silent wish kept in the closet.To be a change-maker – to be the change you want to see in the world – you need the help of others and more importantly, you need to express that hope with action.You Must Give Voice to Your Hope.And you need to speak up. You need to share your hopes for improving the world. You need to communicate those hopes with...2019-04-0117 minThink QueerlyHow Can You Use Your Difference to Make a Difference? LOP072As a gay man, what does it mean to live OUT the best of who you are?For me it's about recognizing if I've left any best parts of me in the closet, and which of those skills, desires, or talents I want to bring OUT to experience and enjoy.When I was a teenager growing up in the lates 70s and early 80s, I fell in love with figure skating, gymnastics, and contemporary dance. I never got to practice any of those athletic activities, but I watched – in silence and in secret.My...2019-03-2826 minThink QueerlyDestructive Emotions Are Related to Ignorance – LOP071Last week I was invited to speak with the students of my colleague, Jeffry Iovannone, in his class, Foundations of Social Justice, about the issues of sexism, masculinity, and the negative, angry responses to Gillette’s recent ad campaign, “The Best Men Can Be”.The class was asked to review my episode, Authentic Masculinity Is The Best A Man Can Get – LOP052, in which I deconstruct not only the ad, but the problematic responses from people like Piers Morgan and James Woods.We were discussing ways to get to the root of the problem, i.e. where...2019-03-2528 minThink QueerlyHow to Control and Reduce The Toxic Stress of Homophobia – LOP070Last week I was listening to Jonathan Van Ness’ podcast, Getting Curious (whom many of you might know from the Netflix show, Queer Eye). The episode, What is Toxic Stress & Why is She So Bad?, featured Dr. Caroline Leaf who’s a cognitive neuroscientist with a PhD in Communication Pathology and a BSc in Logopedics and Audiology, specializing in metacognitive and cognitive neuropsychology.Where Does Toxic Stress Come From?Leaf describes how negative thinking – especially the same negative thought repeated over time – creates a toxic stress. For example, if you always criticize and judge your body eve...2019-03-2125 minThink QueerlyWhen the Fight for LGBTQ Equality Seems Lost – LOP069You need to keep trying, no matter what.”How long should you try? Until." – Jim RohnJim Rohn never fails to say so much with so few words. What will it take for you to achieve your goals, be it your health, your business, or personal goals?But what if your goals involve LGBTQ equality, human rights, and absolute freedom from oppression and bigotry of any kind?It takes willpower, clarity of vision, determination, steadfastness, the ability to pick yourself right back up and continue when you "fall back", and finally, faith...2019-03-1818 minThink QueerlySaying Yes to Everything Will Get You Nothing You Want – LOP068Are you a “Yes-person”, someone who says yes to everything, because you think if you don’t, people might not like or respect you?If you’re a gay man, did you start saying YES to everyone as a way to deflect attention from who you are? As a way to stay hidden in the closet?Perhaps saying yes became a habit. You said yes more and more, keeping friends and family happy, to such an extend that they didn’t need to know anything more about you. Everyone knew you were the person they could rely...2019-03-1413 minThink QueerlyBeing At Ease With Yourself – LOP067“…from the standpoint of the ego, the universe is seen as the “other.” The ego concludes that this “other” is against it and, therefore, that I must struggle to survive.”The Tao of Abundance, Laurence G. BoldtAre You Struggling in Any Part of Your Life?Is your love life, career, or your life purpose a problem or are you at ease with who you are, and making the best of your life? Many clients come to me as a coach wanting to work on a creative endeavour. More often than not, there’s something much...2019-03-1122 minThink QueerlyIf You’re Feeling Overwhelmed Solve This One Problem First – LOP031What is overwhelm?It’s a state of being in which you feel total overpowered by one or more emotions, situations, or everything all at once.In truth it’s an emotional state in which you are overly identified with too many of your problems or struggles and you are stuck in your head. It’s a vicious cycle, and the problem is that you are not your problems!So how do you take back control?The first step is to move in a different way. Yes, move, but differently....What...2018-11-0615 minThink QueerlyThink Queerly Podcast IntroductionI'm Darren Stehle — writer, thinker, and personal evolution coach — and this is the Think Queerly Podcast. A queer perspective is an essential counter-balance that supports a healthy, loving, inclusive, and equitable society. On the show, I explore LGBTQ+ history, social and political issues, and hosts discussions with queer leaders and creators who are making a meaningful difference in the world. There is no "normal" without queerness — both are mutually arising polarities that exist in relation to each other.In June 2018, I published the first episode of the Living OUT podcast to speak about personal growth and liv...2018-06-1902 min
In The TrenchesITT 038: How to Build a Platform with Darren StehleDarren Stehle is the founder of EatMoveBe.com, a website devoted to living a healthy lifestyle through healthy eating. He lives in Toronto, Canada, and has spent his entire adult life cooking healthy meals. He could have been a successful chef, but the stressful lifestyle wasn't worth it to him. So he started his own business and grew his own platform from scratch on his own term. What Darren Stehle and I talk about in today's broadcast:
How Darren positioned himself and his business in the food/health industry
Why Darren moved from a static to a dynamic websi...2015-04-1429 min