Shows
Conk’s Brain PodcastCivil disobedience …Thanks for listening! If this post speaks to you, I’d be honored if you to pass it on.Conk’s Brain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a subscriber.You can also share the love and buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-fi. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit conksbrain.substack.com
2025-01-3001 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastCreation is lonely…Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedIs it selfish to want? Palms upturned to the sky, cover my eyes in exhaustion and despair. I clamber and claw, just trying to scale this impossible wall - is there even anyone on the other side? To create is lonely - beautiful, cathartic, revelatory, cavernous, dark, and futile. How many artists sit alone, churning out the passion and madness of their souls, only to be met with silence? Always more questions than answers, always an endless pursuit - chasing vapor trails through the darkness, clutching...
2024-12-2401 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastComfortable underpants…I recently found the most comfortable underpants in the universe: excessively high waisted, super soft, very stretchy. I honestly forget I’m wearing them and would definitely not even bother with pants if I thought I wouldn’t be arrested for indecent exposure (or my butt wouldn’t freeze off in winter). So why am I telling you this? Trust that it’s not a last minute ploy for Christmas gifts. Instead, this is a “the new year is also most upon us” reminder to embrace the things that make you happy. Life is too short to tolerate shitty underpants...
2024-12-2304 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastI dream…I dream of the life I could be living, riding the ebb and flow of mountains - breathing deeply of the air and sky and sea. I dream of daffodils and tall green forests, tiny cottages in a mystical wood. I dream of having less but gaining more, of clean rooms with comfortable well worn furniture, rows of books and the flicker of candle light. I dream of silence not broken by ticking clocks, but the songs of birds drifting faintly on the wind - the tinkle of chimes on a covered porch as I rock in a wooden...
2024-12-1701 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastDon’t feed the trolls…This morning, I find myself ruminating once again on the words of Charles Bukowski “We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us”. I have decided that I’m going into 2025 laughing like a madman. The world is chaos and the only thing we can control is ourselves. I am recklessly determined to find the good. Social media has been an epic clusterfuck of hopelessness, abject ignorance, and plain old meanness for far too long now. We get stuck in this endless cycle of doom scroll...
2024-12-1606 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastTo Nikki Giovanni…Fifteen is tempestuous, hurtling through time and space at break-neck speeds - desperately searching for anything you can cling on to. In the back of the library, Spring of 1997 to be precise, I crashed full stop into a solid anchor. Nikki Giovanni - the first poet I ever loved. She metered me to Jones beach, lyric-ed me in lilacs, taught me that poetry did not have to rhyme. It was savage, and primal, and beautiful… a way to put your insides on the outside. I held onto my copy of Those Who Ride the Night Winds so long that I...
2024-12-1001 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastThe little Haiku that could…Lately, I have been singularly obsessed with Haikus. I’m not particularly adept at writing them and high school me would rather have showed up naked to class than embrace that level of constraint. Maybe it’s because turning 43 did something to my brain, or maybe it’s the impending political apocalypse - whatever the case I am mired in obsession. No matter how much reckless abandon might soothe our weary souls, there’s just something comforting about a solid boundary. The winds of the universe may howl and blow, but the sun always rises, the moon guides th...
2024-12-0603 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastChaos…Chaos is truth, control is an illusion. We hold on tightly with both hands to all the things we believe we can control - fretting, worrying, twisting our insides in knots, waking up in pools of our own cold sweat certain that we can conceive every possible future, if we never sleep. But outside of us, the universe is vast unknowable in its infinite expanse. Every contingency is merely speculation, casting bets on a race not yet run. We can wallow in the muck of maybe, maybe, maybe - And lose the beautiful glisten of perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. The...
2024-12-0201 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastCosmic dust…Lately I have been obsessed with death. Not so much the inevitability, but what comes after. I am afraid of not existing, of existing eternally some place terrible, or drifting endlessly through a deep black nothing - concious of the emptiness of it all. But we all die, don’t we. It’s the one certain thing in life. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Maybe our disconnection from nature is what’s truly absurd. When my naked toes curl deep into the soil, when my lungs breath deeply of the air, and stars, and sky - I feel the ca...
2024-11-2501 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastThanksgiving is messy…Does the thought of Thanksgiving fill you with warm fuzzies and joy or existential dread? I have a feeling that this holiday season is going to be an adjustment for a great many people (and by adjustment, I mean slamming full force into a brick wall without a crash helmet). After the wounds inflicted by this deeply disconcerting election, there’s a hell of a lot of door slamming and name calling making the rounds. I will be hunkering down with my spouse and our fur children gorging myself on pumpkin pie and trying to fill the voi...
2024-11-2109 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastDon’t let the mother f@#kers get you down…I know, I’m not supposed to swear. Mom says it’s not “ladylike”, but who the hell wants to be ladylike anyway? I’d rather be the bear. Oh dear, Did I just go there too? Guess I’m over zipping my lips and holding my tongue and tripping over socially awkward apologies. The news is all sharp angles and broken bottles, Molotov cocktails hurled through windows while we slept. The world has gone mad, drunk on promises of cheap eggs and retribution. They mean to quiet us, shove us down on mattresses keep us so very small. But we don’t...
2024-11-1801 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastMy brain is soup…Exhausted doesn’t even begin to cover it. My brain is so steeped in stress, I’m pretty sure it now constitutes as soup. I have ignored all of my own advice about setting limits on social media doom scrolling, going outside, and even putting on actual pants. I promised myself that I was going to be more consistent in publishing this newsletter (article on Monday and poem on Tuesday), so here I am clickity clacking away at my keyboard while the inside of my head makes sloshing noises.This is the most consequential and controversial election in m...
2024-11-0503 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastUnapologetic…I despise the word “too”. Too loud, Too talkative, Too boisterous, Too tenacious, Too much. I don’t fit in boxes, Defy hard lines and sharp edges. I swear liberally, love fiercely, dream so big I sometimes fear I’ll explode. I hemorrhage glitter, hit ‘em with the razzle dazzle, leave chaotic sparkle in my wake. My awesome can’t be shackled by small minds wielding “too” like a weapon to put me in my place.Thanks for reading! If this post speaks to you, I’d be honored if you would pass it on.
2024-11-0201 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastAwkward…I’m awkward,
sorry,
I’m awkward.
All elbows and knees and oversized feet,
crashing into immovable objects
for lack of depth perception.
I just want to make friends, connect -
talk until my lips fall off about anything
and everything,
and nothing all at once.
I wear my heart on my sleeve,
hyperfixate and overshare.
But the world is so big,
there are so many strangers -
who could be friends,
who might want to be friends,
who might also be looking too.
I push over furniture, stand on tables,
and yell into the void:
Is anyo...
2024-10-2400 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastI’m tired of hearing “my vote doesn’t count”…I don’t want to write this article. I’d rather curl up in the fetal position in front of my electric fireplace and listen to my compilation records from Vinyl Moon while the world burns, but here we are. As an English teacher, I taught many, many books about dystopian hellscapes (both real and fictional) and the students always asked, “why can’t we read something happier? This is all so depressing.” I can’t disagree. Reading about the worst parts of our nature and the seemingly infinite ways humanity inevitability fucks it all up doesn’t ex...
2024-10-1505 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastUnmasked…I stumbled on a poem that I wrote in June of 2020. It’s every bit as relevant now as it was four years ago, maybe more so.The weight of the world crashing down like a tidal wave,
threatening to drown us out at sea.
So many voices screaming, crying, demanding to be heard.
No more silence, no more pushing it down and down and down
like a good girl.
No more smile pretty and close your eyes and pretend
you don't hear the monsters clawing at the door.
This is the new revolution, are you surprised?
Oh...
2024-10-0801 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastI am exhausted… I can’t even count the number of times in my life I’ve heard the adage “Never talk about religion or politics in polite company”. Like every family, we had a few who had strong opinions and stated them loudly (and often), but my day to day life was largely devoid of “politics”. My grandparents had a subscription to the paper which they read over coffee at the kitchen table, but my parents never did. There were never any lively discussions in my immediate household about public policies or presidential candidates, no avid opinions about world events. ...
2024-09-1706 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastTime…Time gets away from me.
It just wonders off to idle pursuits
consumed by the horror and splendor and joy and pain of living.
It’s like being on the highway in the city at night,
blurs of color created by the myriad passing cars -
beautiful and disorienting.
One day we are children,
chasing the fireflies of summer -
and then we blink.
Now it’s nearly birthday number 43.
There’s lose change in the sofa
and somewhere between those cushions,
I’m certain -
is all the thousands of seconds that slipped out of my pockets...
2024-09-0300 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastI am afraid of trolls.. I have struggled epically with my desire to connect with others through writing and social media and my outright fear of internet trolls. As a high school English teacher my classroom was often a minefield of teenage angst and parental criticism. I would spend hours (sometimes days) researching and planning new lessons only to be met with “This is stupid”, “You’re stupid”, or “I hate this. Why do we even have to take this class anyway”. And that doesn’t even take into account all of the personal attacks on my character. My first year teaching in...
2024-08-0704 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastYou need to calm down… One of my absolute favorite memes goes a little something like this, “Never in the history of telling someone to calm down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down”. Think about it. Really picture a situation in which you are absolutely losing your shit and think about the feelings that arise when some unsuspecting bystander ignorantly interjects, “You need to calm down”. It might feel patronizing, condescending, dismissive (but absolutely not helpful). The sentiment might be met with rage, swearing, tears, or something distinctly the opposite of calming down. And, trust that I would su...
2024-07-1207 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastKeep Swimming…Pain is temporary.
Chronic pain is, well…
chronic.
It flows through you
like a deep black river.
Treading, floating, dog paddle, side stroke.
The swimmer’s strength is irrelevant.
Eventually you’ll be pulled under,
gasping and flailing - making pleas to the universe,
wondering if this will be the moment you finally drown.
Be we resurface, don’t we?
Determined and resolute.
Perhaps this is punishment, divine retribution
for some unknown sin.
Or, maybe that’s just how the cookie crumbles.
Some people get cookies,
others get just the crumbs.
I can still lick my fingers
taste the...
2024-07-1001 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastStaying sane… On this sunny 4th of July morning in the year 2024, my dogs are nervously biting their toenails as fireworks intermittently explode all around us (this will only continue in fervor and intensity as the day wears on). I feel no joy or sense of celebratory enthusiasm, but am instead battling what feels like a weeks long panic attack. In the midst of all this, I stumbled upon a quote from the self-proclaimed illustrator with yellow hair Katie Abey:“Shoutout to anyone who is currently using a great percentage of their energy on keeping a tiny fl...
2024-07-0404 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastCreation…It starts as a hum
electricity buzzing beneath my skin,
a surge in the back of my brain.
The taste of defiance and tenacity
metallic on my tongue.
The words don’t have to be perfect.
Why do I always get hung up on the perfection?
Perhaps the act of creation itself is beautiful -
messy, imperfect, non-linear
but beautiful all the same.
Our souls, our very deepest recesses
unknowable with singular definitions
tucked away on a dictionary page.
We are light.
We are dark.
We are all the infinite possibilities in between.
Stardust, molecules, infinite vessels
of all th...
2024-06-2701 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastSocial media & healthy boundaries.. Social media would have us believe that literally anyone can achieve anything they set their mind to and follow it up with a series of aspirational pictures about their now perfect lives and the explosion of delirious happiness that comes from living your dreams every single day for the rest of eternity. As much as I love the idea of cultivating positivity, this just isn’t an attainable reality for most of us (at least not in the way it’s being packaged on the internet). I don’t think it’s fundamentally “bad” or “wrong” to cura...
2024-06-1403 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastThe thick of it…I’m driving the struggle buss
on fire
over a cliff.
In the thick of it,
the cavernous abyss seems so deep and wide
it’s insurmountable.
An awkward, constantly clumsy dance
three steps back for every one step forward.
Why can’t I find my rhythm?
It’s like the universe is playing only songs I’ve never heard.
The racket so loud and incongruous,
it just feels wrong down to my very bones.
If crying helped, I would wash away mountains with my tears
but nothing seems to help.
It’s like paralysis and perpetual motion
crawling beneath my ski...
2024-06-0200 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastThe doom song… My husband informed me this morning that my negativity has hit critical mass. It’s leaking out of me like toxic ooze and infecting everything in the house. I’m like GIR from Invader Zim eternally sitting in the passenger seat of my own life, enthusiastically singing the doom song on repeat. Despite my attempts to banish the scroll from my life, I keep crawling back to the blue light glow of my electronics getting sucked into the shit blender of The New York Times and endless episodes of Battlestar Galactica (neither of which highlights the more rede...
2024-05-2404 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastMay the bridges I burn light the way…Don’t make waves, don’t rock the boat. My first memories - fingers over lips, Shhhhhhhhh. Tip toe tip toe in God’s house - Little girls are sugar and spice and silence. Smile, be friendly, don’t get in the way, Origami fold your dreams so tiny they fit between the cracks. Bite your tongue until it bleeds, just remember to always hold it back. No one likes a girl who takes up too much space. But I never excelled at contortion. I was too tall, my feet too big. There was nothing tiny about me, all g...
2024-05-1301 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastJoy…Joy is tricky, a complicated emotion tossed around like a hot potato from hand to hand. It's beautiful and full of promise, a bright birthday balloon swelling in your chest. But the thing about balloons is, they pop, Sometimes quite unexpectedly, and tattered pieces fall haphazardly to the ground. I suppose you could go your whole life, never trusting it, always questioning, waiting for the BANG. But where's the fun in that? Embrace the joy while it is swelling, growing forming a beautiful light air feeling, knowing that the let down is inevitable, but there will always be more...
2024-05-0900 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastGet unstuck…I’ve been digging through the archives of my old blog, which I laid to rest in June of 2023, and stumbled on this gem. At the time I was talking to an amazing art therapist through zoom. If you’ve never tried art therapy, I highly recommend it. There is something very primal and healing about digging to the very depths of your soul and letting everything you find there fall out as artistic expression. Sometimes the revelations are quite unexpected.The following was originally published on 6/20/21 (my new annotations are in bold):You...
2024-04-2904 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastA poem about family…On my last trip to Kansas City, I picked up a book called “Create a Poem: Writing Prompts for Poets”. I was directed to create a poem about “family” and to use the following words: tree, roots, ancestors, mother, father, children, home, name, tribe, clan.Here is the result of putting pen to paper:These roots run deep in tainted soil.
Sins of the father,
So many fathers,
So many generations.
How many mothers have wept at the foot of this tree?
Calling out to their ancestors -
begging for guidance,
praying for understa...
2024-04-2601 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastDear Nemesis,In high school, you were everything I wasn’t.
Beautiful, smart, talented, effortlessly thin, loved.
I think I envied the love most,
the thing I always lacked -
fought tooth and nail for,
sold away parts of myself to find.
You were never unkind,
but a sleepover invitation -
not on the list for a delinquent like me.
No matter how many times I scrubbed,
it felt like my face was always dirty from the inside.
College, I thought for sure I’d left you behind.
Not a thought,
a hint,
a whisper.
But then suddenly an explosion - Face...
2024-04-1802 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastI would walk 7,500 steps…Starting something new is hard; starting something over again from the beginning is even harder - especially if your abilities aren’t what they once were. What’s easy is looking back and lamenting all you’ve lost, getting into a depressive funk, and monstering a bag of chips while binge watching Netflix. Rinse. Lather. Repeat. Recently, I started walking with my treadmill bluetooth connected to my ipad and a program called IFit. It automatically syncs your workout and adjusts both speed and incline based on your ability and the type of activity in your training video. I’ve had the...
2024-04-1506 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastFuck, it’s loud in here…Fuck, it’s loud in here.
Constant voices competing
over the noise of what has been,
what could be,
the terrifying prospects of what might actually be.
So many versions of myself,
so many ideas,
so many dreams,
clamoring for attention.
They fall over one another like drunken party goers
who can’t decide if they want to make love, or war.
You call it
ADHD,
neurodivergent,
lazy,
unfocused,
undisciplined,
unmotivated,
disorganized,
scatterbrained,
selfish,
flighty.
But you can’t step inside my head.
You can’t hear the overwhelming volume,
the me trying to communicate, to translate this cacophony
at once...
2024-04-1300 min
Conk’s Brain PodcastI don’t want to write…Join me on a journey through the chaos of Conk’s Brain – where executive dysfunction meets creative ambition and we seize the day, one essay, one poem, and one reckless note at a time. Let’s carpe the damn diem together! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit conksbrain.substack.com
2024-04-1103 min
Conk's BrainToxic PositivityLet’s talk about toxic positivity, bottling up our emotions, and evicting shitty people from our headspace. It’s time to feel our feelings and love our selves so much it’s a little creepy.
2022-06-0538 min
Conk's BrainLet’s Get RealIn this episode we’re talking about getting really honest with ourselves. Redefining joy. Working with, instead of against, our neurodivergent brains. And embracing that it’s ok to get a little off track.
2022-04-2435 minConk's BrainMore than a titleToday we are tackling how we define ourselves, how we define success, and not letting ourselves get tied up in the titles we give ourselves.
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2021-11-2131 minConk's BrainChronic PainLet’s talk about chronic pain: how it effects us on so many levels, how to manage the mental/emotional fall out, and how to show compassion.
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2021-11-1436 minConk's BrainADHD says what?Let’s talk about ADHD, symptoms, how to get a diagnosis, and how to manage with or without medication.
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2021-11-0841 min
Conk's BrainConsistency and GratitudeWe’re talking about the power of consistency and gratitude in achieving our life and business goals. How do we keep moving forward when we feel frustrated and stuck? Listen now to find out.
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Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/deedre-conkey/support
2021-06-1328 minConk's BrainRemember Your Why...It’s easy to start a new project or endeavour that we’re excited about with gusto and enthusiasm, but it’s harder to keep that fire burning the longer you go on, especially if you have ADHD like me. So, in this episode, we’re tackling remembering your why, holding onto or reigniting that spark that got you started so that you can keep going. And please remember that our paths are rarely linear, or neat and tidy, so give yourself grace and allow yourself to evolve along the way.
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2021-06-0628 minConk's BrainMove JoyfullyToday we're talking about joyful movement, living with your body's limitations, and letting go of the societal conditioning around body image.
2021-05-3028 minConk's BrainPost and PrayWe’re talking about the post and pray method of social media marketing: what it is, why people do it, how the mentality behind it affects you even if you don’t run a business, and what you can do instead to help you flourish in your life and your business.
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2021-05-2328 minConk's BrainADHD, Anxiety, and Running a BusinessWe’re getting real about mental health and how it affects running a business, how others perceive us, and how we perceive ourselves.
2021-05-1629 minConk's BrainI’m weird, and that’s ok...Today’s episode is all about non-conformity, embracing the things that make us weird and finding the people who love us as we are.
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2021-04-1126 minConk's BrainHysterectomy is not a dirty word...In this episode we dive into the stigma surrounding women’s sexual health. I share my personal experience with the failings of the medical system and how and why you should never stop advocating for yourself. Share your stories by emailing me at conksbrain@gmail.com And be sure to check out hystersisters.com
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2021-03-2836 minConk's BrainBody PositiveIn today's episode we're diving into Caroline Dooner's book "The Fuck it Diet: Eating Should Be Easy" and talking about the ways our culture has conditioned us to perceive fat, weight loss, and self love.
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2021-03-1424 minConk's BrainMental Health MattersToday we're working through anxiety and talking about how to support yourself or someone you love in dealing with mental health. Compassion is the key word.
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2021-02-2128 minConk's BrainGirl BossIn this episode we're talking about girl bosses, female entrepreneurs, why we tear each other down and how and why we should be lifting each other up. Mad respect and a fist bump for all my fellow girl bosses. Be sure to check out the awesome subscription box for female entrepreneurs, Sparkle Hustle Grow. This is an affiliate link and I do receive a small commission on all purchases or subscriptions made using this link: https://lddy.no/u64t
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2021-01-2425 minConk's BrainOld ways won't open new doors...In today's episode we talk about the dread New Year's Resolution, comfort zones, and kicking down new doors. Be sure to check out 16personalities.com for more insights into what makes you, you. Also check out BetterHelp.com for affordable, online private counseling.
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2021-01-0332 minConk's BrainRosie the ManateeIn today's episode were talking about manatees, the women of WWII, and tenacity. Find out the full story behind my cover art and be sure to check out www.savethemanatee.org for more information about how you can help save the floaty potatoes. Also check out @rise_up_rosie on Instagram to read empowering stories about some amazing people overcoming challenges to help themselves/others. And check out @lookwhatsteph drew to meet the awesome artist behind my inspirational cover art.
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2020-12-2028 minConk's BrainYou are a badass...In today's episode we're keeping it real with Emily Dickenson and little thing called imposter syndrome. Tips for coping with feelings of insecurity, retraining your brain to combat negativity, and standing next to really successful (or famous people) and feeling like a badass. Be sure to check out the book You Are a Badass Every Day by Jen Sincero, then find me on Instagram or on Facebook. You can also read my awesome blog.
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2020-12-0829 minConk's BrainJust Do the Damn Thing AlreadyThis is ground zero, episode 1, the very first podcast! A little bit about me and a lot about getting past your fears and just doing the damn thing already. Failure is not the end, it's an opportunity to grow and learn. Be brave, do the thing, have an adventure.
2020-12-0222 min