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How To Be a Terrible DaughterMe: Maybe it wasn’t abuse? Also Me: Every complex trauma symptom This week, we’re tackling one of the most unsettling and deeply confusing questions many of us face: Was it abuse? And let’s be honest—if that question keeps showing up like 3 raccoons in a trench coat whispering cryptic messages outside your window at 2 a.m., you might want to investigate. In this episode, we dig into why psychological and emotional abuse are so much harder to recognize than physical or sexual abuse—and why so many of us spend years trying to convince ourselves it wasn’t “that bad.” Narcissistic family systems are masters at looking shiny on the outside...2025-04-0151 minHow To Be a Terrible DaughterNo, YOU need to manage my anger! Anger. The emotion we were taught to fear, suppress, or avoid entirely—especially if we grew up under the reign of a narcissist. In this episode, we rip up the old rulebook on anger and talk about why it’s actually one of the most sacred, transformative forces we have. Turns out, anger isn’t the enemy—it’s a signal, a boundary, a fire that can be channeled into power instead of destruction. But when you’re raised by a narcissist, anger isn’t just discouraged—it’s dangerous. We explore how narcissistic parents manipulate anger to maintain control, the twist...2025-03-181h 14How To Be a Terrible DaughterNarcissist Escape Room—Just Kidding, You’re Stuck Not everyone has the luxury of going no-contact with a narcissistic parent, and if that’s your situation, congratulations—you’ve unlocked the expert-level difficulty setting on f*ed up family dynamics. In this episode, we break down why no-contact isn’t always an option (hint: the whole “just cut them out of your life” advice isn’t as simple as it sounds). Whether it's family obligations, financial ties, or just the logistical nightmare of trying to dodge them at every holiday, we get it. The good news? There are strategies to help you survive. We cover practical ways...2025-03-0452 minHow To Be a Terrible DaughterForgiveness: Terms and Conditions Apply Ah, forgiveness—the gold standard of healing, right? Well, not so fast. When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, the usual “forgive and move on” advice hits differently (read: doesn’t apply). In this episode, we get into why survivors often feel pressured to forgive before they’ve even processed what the hell happened—and why prioritizing your own healing is way more important than rushing to absolve someone who’s never taken accountability in their life. We swap stories about our own forgiveness struggles, including Megan’s unexpected wake-up call and Elizabeth’s go-to advice when people ask, “But don’...2025-02-1858 min
Kill By Kill: Talking Horror Characters One Death At A TimeKBK After Dark - Basic Instinct (w/ How to Be a Terrible Daughter)If there’s a thin line between clever and stupid, the line has never been thinner than today’s movie. So grab your ice pick and leave your underwear at home - Kill By Kill After Dark is back, and we’re going deep into what some might call the pinnacle of the 90s erotic thriller, BASIC INSTINCT!! Here to help us reveal all the killer details are Elizabeth Malamed and Megan Caper from the How to Be a Terrible Daughter podcast!! Along the way, we expose the film’s links to Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law, worship at the alte...2025-02-071h 22How To Be a Terrible DaughterThe Casual Demolition of What Little Self-Worth You Have In this episode, we wade through the debris of self-esteem left in the wake of growing up with narcissistic parents. It’s not a pretty picture. From the relentless cycle of love bombing to the casual demolition of what little self-worth we managed to scrape together, we unpack the chaotic dynamics that leave us questioning our value. It’s not just the mixed signals, either—narcissists thrive on keeping their supply unstable, ensuring those around them feel isolated and off-kilter. Sound familiar? You’re in good company. We also tackle the unique social stigma that comes with narcissis...2025-02-041h 07How To Be a Terrible DaughterBurn Before Breeding Parenting is hard enough without the baggage of a narcissistic childhood, but add that to the mix, and it’s like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with a blowtorch—messy, confusing, and likely to leave you questioning your life choices. In this episode, Elizabeth gets real about the emotional booby traps of raising kids after surviving narcissistic parenting, sharing the moments that have both wrecked and rebuilt them. Megan dives into the fine art of breaking toxic cycles, offering tools for collaboration and repair that make parenting slightly less like being a contestant on Survivor. We unpack every...2025-01-2158 minHow To Be a Terrible DaughterVampires vs Narcissists: You’re Eating MaggotsWe’re off to the movies this week! On How to Be a Terrible Daughter, we’re diving into the 1987 cult classic The Lost Boys. Vampires, family drama, and a killer soundtrack—what’s not to love? But beneath the stylish leather jackets and fangs, this film holds surprising insights for anyone unraveling the complexities of childhood trauma. Join us as we unpack the movie’s themes of found family, gaslighting, and rebellion. We explore why vampires and narcissists have more in common than you’d think. From Megan’s coming-out parallels to Elizabeth’s high school obsession with Th...2025-01-071h 06How To Be a Terrible DaughterShrink Wrap: How to Find a Therapist This week, we’re tackling the high-stakes scavenger hunt of finding the right therapist, especially for those of us recovering from narcissistic abuse. Let’s face it—finding a therapist isn’t just about picking the one who looks the least like they’d start a cult. We break down the whole process, from roping in friends and former therapists for recommendations (because why do all the work yourself?) to nailing those 15-minute consultation calls to see if they’re worthy of your copay. We’ll also walk you through the serious (and seriously uncomfortable) considerations that come with embarking on d...2024-12-241h 11How To Be a Terrible DaughterWhat kind of F*er are you? The four stress responsesWhat happens when the place that's supposed to feel the safest—your childhood home—turns out to be the source of your deepest stress? Your nervous system does what it’s designed to do: it kicks into survival mode. In this episode, inspired by Megan’s viral blog post, we explore the four common stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the lesser-known (but all-too-familiar) fawn. If you’ve ever felt like making yourself small was the only way to keep the peace, you’re not alone. We’re unpacking how these responses show up in daily life, especially for those of u...2024-12-101h 02How To Be a Terrible DaughterSilent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival GuideThe holidays are coming in hot (and so are the guilt trips), but fear not—we’ve got your back. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever gathering your narcissistic family insists is mandatory, this time of year can feel like an emotional minefield. That’s why we’re kicking off Season 2 with The Holiday Survival Guide. This isn’t your typical advice about bringing a nice dish and avoiding politics at the dinner table. No, no. We’re breaking down what to do before, during, and after the family event, so you can survive while keeping your self-preservation, boundaries, a...2024-11-251h 02How To Be a Terrible DaughterYou Shall Not Pass!In this episode of How to be a Terrible Daughter, we expand on a topic we touched on in previous episode, and it’s a BIG one, boundaries —a concept that might as well have been a foreign language growing up with narcissistic parents. Boundaries weren’t just discouraged; they were often trampled over, leaving us with the difficult task of figuring out how to set them as adults. Whether it’s about personal space, emotional needs, or your work environment, boundaries are more than just a defense mechanism—they’re essential to your well-being. We explore why these invisible li...2024-09-171h 02How To Be a Terrible Daughter“So Lonely”In this episode of How to be a Terrible Daughter, we take a stroll through the exhausting, often invisible labor of loneliness that comes with having a narcissistic parent. This isn’t the kind of loneliness where you finally get some peace and quiet—no, this is more like an unpaid internship where you’re emotionally drained and questioning your life choices daily. It's the kind of loneliness that’s so deeply ingrained in your reality that you might start believing it's normal. We explore how this brand of loneliness shapes your relationships and why your siblings might carry complete...2024-09-0356 minHow To Be a Terrible Daughter“Mailbag Mayhem”Welcome back to "How to Be a Terrible Daughter!" In this special mailbag episode, we’re diving into your burning questions about surviving and thriving despite narcissistic relationships. We kick things off by discussing how to handle those who get prickly about the term "narcissist"—because let's be honest, it’s not your job to make everyone else comfortable with the truth. We also clear up some common misconceptions about what victims of abuse "should" look like, reminding everyone that looking put together can often be a trauma response, not a sign that everything’s okay. One of the m...2024-08-2056 minHow To Be a Terrible Daughter3,2,1… No Contact! Welcome back to "How to Be a Terrible Daughter," where we tackle the gut-wrenching yet necessary step of going no contact with a narcissistic mother. First, let's break down what "no contact" really means, it's not just about ignoring a few phone calls. It's about reclaiming your peace and sanity from the grip of a narcissist. It’s a dreaded yet liberating move that can feel like cutting off a gangrenous limb to save your life. But trust us, it’s often as necessary as it sounds. Megan kicks things off with her tale of setting boundaries that...2024-08-061h 13How To Be a Terrible DaughterGrief: It's Not Just for the Dead Anymore!In this latest episode of our podcast, we tackle the unique and often misunderstood grief experienced by children of narcissistic parents. We've all been there—grieving someone who's still alive. We dive into how grieving can be a complex and prolonged process, sharing personal stories and insights that many will find all too familiar. From the subtle ways we've had to make ourselves small to the armor we've built to protect our hearts, we unpack the emotional baggage that comes with a narcissistic upbringing. We also take a look at unique types of grief experienced by children of...2024-07-2357 minHow To Be a Terrible DaughterSurviving the Narcissist's Greatest Sh*tshow on EarthWelcome back to part two of our latest episode on the ins and outs of narcissistic abuse. If you missed our previous talk, here's a quick recap: we explored how this type of abuse differs starkly from other emotional harms. Trust us, it's uniquely troubling. This week, Megan shares a revealing story about a narcissist's distorted view of reality—it's as unsettling as it sounds. We also dive into the murky waters of narcissistic behaviors, discussing the phenomena of splitting and narcissistic rage. Plus, Megan brings an intriguing insight from her experience with clients who were the "go...2024-07-0956 minHow To Be a Terrible DaughterNarcissistic Abuse: A Carnival of Mind F*ckery In this episode, we're going to explore the many subtypes of narcissistic abuse. Yes, there are so many that we need to employ a categorization system. In fact, there are so many that this will be a two-part episode. A core focus will be understanding what makes narcissistic abuse so distinctly damaging compared to other forms of mistreatment. We'll illustrate how these toxic manipulators operate and the mind-bending reality distortions they employ to maintain control. We'll examine the traumatic effects of behaviors like love bombing, boundary violations, splitting, gaslighting, and the pernicious blame-shifting of DARVO (Deny, Attack...2024-06-2546 minHow To Be a Terrible DaughterBarbed Wire MommyIn this episode, Elizabeth and Megan explore the intricate world of attachment wounds, particularly those etched by the icy touch of narcissistic parents. We examine the critical concept of "mirroring" in infancy and the long-term effects these formative experiences have on our adult lives. We’re going to unpack how early relationships—or the lack thereof—set the stage for a lifetime of complicated emotional navigation. With scientific studies and personal stories, we shed light on the challenges of growing up under the cold gaze of caregivers more akin to wire monkeys than warm humans. Come along as we wade t...2024-06-111h 00How To Be a Terrible DaughterJurassic Trauma Join us on this week’s journey into the heart of darkness—okay, maybe just the heart of trauma, but let’s be real, sometimes it feels like the same thing. This week, we’re unearthing the behemoth known as complex trauma in an episode we've aptly named "Jurassic Trauma." Why Jurassic? Because some wounds are as old and as deep as dinosaur bones, and just as tricky to handle without the right equipment. We also unravel the "raindrop theory," because honestly, telling someone with complex trauma to "just get over it" isn't helpful. We distinguish the heavy-hi...2024-05-281h 28How To Be a Terrible DaughterWelcome to Our Nightmare In this first episode, Megan and Elizabeth introduce themselves, talk about growing up in a narcissistic family, and explain why they embraced being terrible daughters. If you’ve been struggling with making sense of your childhood or you want to know more about what emotional abuse looks like, this is the place for you. And if you know that you grew up in a toxic family and want to find community, know that you belong here, too. We’re so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the pod...2024-05-121h 37How To Be a Terrible DaughterWelcome to How To Be a Terrible Daughter!Wondering how to be a terrible daughter? Listen as Elizabeth Malamed and Megan Caper, mental health professionals who also happen to be cousins, discuss growing up in toxic families, surviving narcissistic abuse, and moving forward after trauma. The How To Be a Terrible Daughter podcast is a place to find community, put words to your experience, and laugh at the dark stuff. We’ll share our stories from our own childhoods, make mental health concepts easy to understand, and interview intriguing guests along the way. Oh, and you can also let Megan and Elizabeth hate your parents for you if...2024-04-2702 min