Shows
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastPartner - "How come I chose you as my Partner?"Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMate/Partner selection, Collusive/Couple fit and all that: Why did I choose you and not someone else on planet earth?"I have never met you before or hardly know you, yet in a room of 100 people, I gravitate to you". How does that happen?My reply as a Therapist: "Because you 'promise' (or hold the potential) to fix and supplement an aspect of me which needs what you have - but I am not going...
2026-02-2012 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Ed from 'Peers, Banter & Porn' is very common and normativeSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreFrom where did you get your Sex Ed knowledge back there during the developing childhood years, which you have been following through and repeatedly practising in adulthood? Was it 'Peers, banter and porn' which set up your sexual template, long before school Sex Ed - which got there way too late; the deed was already done. You give a wry smile when asked about Sex Ed at home from parents! For most - there w...
2026-02-1312 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - women do it too - and maybe with increased SHAME!Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 5 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of - This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveHere is a portion of an article by Lauren Dubinsky - Founder of Good Women Project: What I Wish I'd Known Before Watching Porn, 2012 "Pornography is a charged subject, and it's a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern wo...
2026-02-0609 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastMen & porn - tut, tut, tut. Women & romantic novels - what's the problem!Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 4 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of - This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveCovid-19 contributed to a significant increase in the compulsive use of porn in 10 to 75 years old. Women gravitated to webcam usage during lockdown – maybe coerced by partners making it seem like a necessary substitute. Many such females do not yet know they might be addicted until they try to stop.What is this thi...
2026-01-3008 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - you determine Sobriety perimetersSend us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Therapy is about you not me.What do you want from Therapy? Are Fetishes or Paraphilia activities to be included? Where does your view come from? Is it your view or a 'hand me down?'What is for sure is that Therapy won’t work until you are ready. But if you take too long (as the masses do...
2026-01-2312 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - fight right battles or plead 'Conscientious Objector'Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Make the real thing the real thing; prioritise the right thing. Fight the right battles. Don't fight some battles, but lose the war. It will drain you and then you want to self-soothe and dissipate your energy.Your brain may sideswipe you to focus on non-essentials. What is the real issue. Take your eyes off others and do your own battles...
2026-01-1606 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - Asian "Shame" is different to European "Shame"Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Sex Addiction is handled very differently between the cultures. Shame plays out differently between cultures. 'Shame' in Asian culture, is very different to 'Shame' in Western European culture.An interesting article by Sam Louie, discusses Asian 'Shame' and 'Honour' as a cultural conundrum:"...Honoring his Korean heritage while also trying to honor his sense of...
2026-01-0909 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex addicts have low self esteem & self worthSend us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest or them all”? How do you answer that question for you? Learn to love self, before you can love others.I use that thing called EMDR to work on the distorted image of self. What is this thing called EMDR? It is Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing. What a mouth full!...
2026-01-0209 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex addiction beckons for some men who can't fit the version of 'Man-liness'Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.There is a difference between men and women and how they raise boy children - isn't there!Am I allowed to even pose that question? What does emasculation of men mean? A browser search result says about Emasculation: 'It refers to the perceived loss of traditional masculine attributes, such as strength and power, often resulting from societal changes or dynamics in...
2025-12-2910 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - has society straight jacketed you - so you turn to self-soothingSend us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.What’s a “Russian Doll” (or is it called a Babushka) got to do with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction?I thought you would never ask!“I haven’t bought into that nonsense “Big boys don’t cry”, when I was growing up”. At least, I don’t think so”!That guy called John Bowlby in the 1940’s dared to put together so...
2025-12-1909 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - stand up the real authentic you!Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Russian dolls very well illustrates the brain's attempts to protect and guard us from repeat pain from situations experienced in the childhood development years. The real us, may have got stunted, where the brain built layers and layers around the inner child from the time of early developmental traumas and uncomfortable issues.By adulthood, maybe you no longer know who is...
2025-12-1207 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - Big up the womenSend us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.We need you ladies. Don't give up on us yet!So much more practical in finding solutions. Teach us please ladies. We need you. I am convinced that women have been endowed with an extra perceptive sense which us men do not have. You see danger in innocuous situations that us men just glaze our eyes over, until..... 'Too l...
2025-12-0509 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - What does it mean to be a man?: Conversations (2)Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'?: A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Impediments to having great relationships:Disruption in the bonding in early childhood development with the significant caregivers (usually parents), is a key factor. The male (a father) plays a very important role. Masculinity cannot be entirely and comprehensively supplemented by a mother. It is not “do as I say”, it is “do as you see me doing”. The eyes take in the larg...
2025-11-2810 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - What does it mean to be a man?: Conversations (1)Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'?: A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.What is Man-ness? There is still a caveman instinct inside of us as men. Has the image got distorted as men try to metamorphize ourselves to fit what society tells us a man should be. Trying to fit what we are really not, is hard work. At some point there may be an increased desire to self-soothe and escape into cyberworld for a...
2025-11-2109 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addiction does not make me a Narcissist!Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"Narcissism because of Sex Addiction - Yuk! That's not me".Many clients initially (but silently and violently) object to any suggestion that there is Narcissism at work. I am never suggesting they have NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder), but that they WILL have traits from Narcissism.Here is one definition of Narcissism which I use: "Narcissism is the way we conceptualise how we will look after ourselves. In its pathological form, it refers to p...
2025-11-1409 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addiction before you even gave permission!Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDevelopmental history from childhoodThe phase of childhood from birth to age 6 is a critical time of sensitivity, during which time, templates are created which shape future interpersonal interactions. During this sensitive period of development, a child acquires a variety of new abilities and skills that are a necessary part of child development. There are five sensitive period categories, which include language, order, sensory skills, motor skills...
2025-11-0707 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastChildren and Sex Addiction - Surely not! (Part 3)Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe report found that 58% of respondents had seen violent pornography, including strangulation and rape scenes, before age 18, with girls more likely than boys to witness such content. Children are exposed to increasingly extreme online pornography, with concerns that new restrictions may be easily circumvented through VPNs. Worry was expressed, that even with new rules, users could bypass restrictions, as VPN usage in the UK had already increased significantly.70% of respondents had seen it, with an average age...
2025-10-2412 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastChildren and Sex Addiction - Surely not! (Part 2)Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"It was aged....and I came across my [parents] stash of porn. I kept going back to view when they were out and took a few to my my room. They never knew".That is the very typical answer that I have been given by a large percentage of my adult clients when taking them through my History Taking Questionnaire. I ask them 188 questions over three 50 minutes sessions and their answers help me and them to build...
2025-10-1709 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastChildren and Sex Addiction - Surely not! (Part 1)Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNewspaper headline: "Joe is 10 years old and he is on The Sex offenders register and he has not yet kissed a girl".How can that be? Is that really true? Surely not! Ok my goodness!Even though that is not in the content of her Report, here is what the Children's Commissioner - Dame Rachel de Souza - says in the foreword of her Report, dated 19 August 2025:"Shockingly, as this report...
2025-10-1008 min
Singles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastCompromised brain communication filteringSend us a textWhen we are communicating, the information is passing through the filters of the different structures of the brain. We all have filters. The message being transmitted is going through the receiver, but the receiver has filters and that means the message can come out the other end looking very different to what went in and was received. A damaged or compromised brain may incorrectly filter the message.For there to be effective transmission and receipt, the equipment must be working well. Stress, headaches, worry, multi-tasking and distractions are some t...
2025-10-0309 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastThe Body tells the truth, more than the trained BrainSend us a textDuring Communication, our body demeanour is going to give us away. Know the facts about the body and how you might have trained it to 'tell on you'!When we first meet someone we form a very strong impression of them within the first 40 seconds. We form a lasting opinion of them within the first 4 minutes. Our opinion will influence the way in which we respond and behave towards that person until something happens to cause us to change our mind. Even then, changing our mind is a process and is...
2025-10-0310 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastEffective Communication - do you know these truths?Send us a textPut these tools into your armoury of resources to help you communicate more effectively:John Grays 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus' is still worth a read. Also (although a somewhat provocative title) 'Men don't listen and women can't read maps' - is worth reading.Both books remind us that there is a difference between how masculinity and femininity communicate. There is a big difference between 'Hearing' and 'Listening'.There is a difference in how we communicate when we are in conflict with someone...
2025-10-0313 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastNot about the nail in my head - men in the dog house!Send us a text"A friend asks, "Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship." Another friend says, "LISTEN!" — Santosh Kalwar As we continue to Repair broken communication in the couple because of Sex/Porn/Love Addiction trauma damage - recognise there is a big difference between Listening and Hearing. Sometimes we need to think outside of the box. Often we need a little help to see how we restrict our own thinking! The 9 Dots exercise is a good illustration of how we need to break out of se...
2025-10-0309 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict and effective Communication - do you know these truths?Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePut these tools into your armoury of resources to help you communicate more effectively:John Grays 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus' is still worth a read. Also (although a somewhat provocative title) 'Men don't listen and women can't read maps' - is worth reading.Both books remind us that there is a difference between how masculinity and femininity communicate. There is a big difference between 'Hearing' and 'Listening'.There...
2025-10-0311 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - The Body tells the truth, more than the trained BrainSend us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSex addict, your body demeanour is going to give you away. Know the facts about the body and how you main have trained it to 'tell on you'!When we first meet someone we form a very strong impression of them within the first 40 seconds. We form a lasting opinion of them within the first 4 minutes. Our opinion will influence the way in which we respond and behave towards that person until something happens to cause us...
2025-09-2609 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastCompromised brain communication filtering in Sex AddictsSend us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen we are communicating, the information is passing through the filters of the different structures of the brain. Sex Addiction does damage the brain and so, damages the filters.We all have filters. The message being transmitted is going through the receiver, but the receiver has filters and that means the message can come out the other end looking very different to what went in and was received. A damaged or compromised brain may incorrectly filter the...
2025-09-1908 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastNot about the nail in my head - men in the dog house!Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"A friend asks, "Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship." Another friend says, "LISTEN!" — Santosh Kalwar As we continue to Repair broken communication in the couple because of Sex/Porn/Love Addiction trauma damage - recognise there is a big difference between Listening and Hearing. Sometimes we need to think outside of the box. Often we need a little help to see how we restrict our own thinking! The 9 Dots...
2025-09-1208 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - 'Communication' is like a tandem bicycle wheelSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRemember our foundational question: 'Do you enter a conversation to be understood or to understand?'Communication is like a bicycle wheel. Picture the two of you riding along the road to your destination, but not getting very far because both wheels on your tandem bicycle are buckled. You will get to your destination, but not very fast and it is taking more effort to cover the distance. Now let’s remove one...
2025-09-0508 min
Singles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds Podcast'Communication' is like a tandem bicycle wheelSend us a textRemember our foundational question: 'Do you enter a conversation to be understood or to understand?'Communication is like a bicycle wheel. Picture the two of you riding along the road to your destination, but not getting very far because both wheels on your tandem bicycle are buckled. You will get to your destination, but not very fast and it is taking more effort to cover the distance. Now let’s remove one of the bicycle wheels and take a look at what we have in...
2025-09-0510 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastEffective Communication with you is brokenSend us a textListening effectively is a very valuable gift to someone. It is costly. It values the other person. It is learned and must be practiced. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Listening means that the information stops in the brain and is processed and digested. When information is not digested, then you will find you did not really listen to it and take it in and it quickly is forgotten. Five types of poor listeners: 1. The advisor: instead of seeking to understand and empathise, they will want to so...
2025-09-0511 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastEffective Communication with you is broken - Sex AddictSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable." — David Augsburger Listening effectively is a very valuable gift to someone. It is costly. It values the other person. It is learned and must be practiced. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Listening means that the information stops in the brain and is processed and digested. When information is not digested, then you will find you did not really lis...
2025-08-2910 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastHelp me see what I cannot yet seeSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWe are continuing to look at Couples Counselling to 'Repair' the Sex, Porn, Love Addiction relationship damage. Let's focus on 'Communication'."The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." — Ralph Nichols. Communication is way more than words that come out of mouths. Do you enter conversations to be understood or is it to understand. Ver...
2025-08-2209 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastAll change - the rug is being pulled againSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHuman beings have a life cycle. Let’s take a look. (The last two stages are not governed by age).Infant (Birth to 2 years): Changes in schedules, bedtime, routines new people around - can cause anxiety during this phase.Child (3 to 9 years): Social skills are developing, particularly from interaction with other children. Separation anxiety is visible as children begin school attendance. Adolescent (10 to 19 years): Peer pressure, romantic relationships and independent identity ta...
2025-08-1513 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastCouples See-saw of lifeSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSplit agendas and contrary motives - that are hidden from each other. Is that you?Jake & Jasmine on the seesaw of life, illustrates it. There are appearances, but below the surface of the relationship may be there is entrenched Emotional Disengagement. Couples engage in a dance for years, re-acting and counter re-acting to each others actions and inactions. A dance. A dance which keeps being played out.'If you will...
2025-08-0811 min
Singles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastCouples in a See-saw dance for yearsSend us a textSplit agendas and contrary motives - that are hidden from each other. Is that you?Jake & Jasmine on the seesaw of life, illustrates it. There are appearances, but below the surface of the relationship may be there is entrenched Emotional Disengagement. Couples engage in a dance for years, re-acting and counter re-acting to each others actions and inactions. A dance. A dance which keeps being played out.'If you will, I will. If you won't, I won't''. Worlds away from - 'If you...
2025-08-0812 min
Singles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastAre you stubborn as a mule?Send us a textDoes that image of the mules describe your relationship? of course not you, but your partner! Each trying to get their needs met. Those Core Emotional Needs. Remember that Core Emotional Needs are not negotiable. They want to be met and Fight/Flight/ Freeze will play out where they have been depleted for some time. (This dynamic is all so unconscious and not readily visible).Moving in one direction to get Core Emotional Needs met, without the partner, will put tremendous strain on the relationship. Pressure increases. Conflict is a...
2025-08-0111 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastStubborn as a mule - you are - with your Sex AddictionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet's continue our look at 'Repairing the damaged couples relationship, post Sex Addiction'.Does that image of the mules describe your relationship? of course not you, but your partner! Each trying to get their needs met. Those Core Emotional Needs. Remember that Core Emotional Needs are not negotiable. They want to be met and Fight/Flight/ Freeze will play out where they have been depleted for some time. (This dynamic is all so unconscious and not r...
2025-08-0110 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastRelationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurt (Part 2)Send us a textCouples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual. Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “Marriage is not the coming together of two people. It’s a clash of two cultures, two experiences, two memories, two habits, two morals, two values. And that is a formula for destruction” - Dr Myles Munro“[It] is [also] the place of our healing...
2025-07-2513 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastRepairing the Couple from conflict damageSend us a textBuilding new foundations for the couple: Take a look at the Different Relationship Images document attached to this Podcast. I try to bypass language as much as possible. Feelings do not always tell the truth. We can be very English. Very British!Question: "How are you today". Answer: "I'm fine thank you".Observation after the automatic response: "I notice you are on strong pain-killers and on crutches"!Emotions are very powerful and drive so much of our decisions, including major bridge-burning decisions...
2025-07-2511 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastRepairing the Couple after Sex Addiction damage (Continuation)Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreBuilding new foundations for the couple: Take a look at the Different Relationship Images document attached to this Podcast. I try to bypass language as much as possible. Feelings do not always tell the truth. We can be very English. Very British!Question: "How are you today". Answer: "I'm fine thank you".Observation after the automatic response: "I notice you are on strong pain-killers and on crutches"!Emotions are...
2025-07-2510 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastRelationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurt (Part 2)Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreCouples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual. Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “Marriage is not the coming together of two people. It’s a clash of two cultures, two experiences, two memories, two habits, two morals, two values. And that is a formula for destr...
2025-07-1811 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastRelationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurtSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreShaped by circumstances from birth Picture the new born baby which starts life with innocence and a brain with few impressions. It starts to experience life and living and soon the brain has some impressions and templates being carved out. Good and not so good experiences and impressions. A distorted image develops. The individual distorted image of a male coming with his own unique impressions and experiences of life and the individual distorted image of...
2025-07-1111 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastPartner choice: What don't I know? Tell meSend us a textWe fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and conscious differences are no longer seemingly acceptable or wanted. We consciously now only want the sameness bits. So the fight over the toilet seat (up or down), and the top off the toothpaste, is in full flow. Yet, it has nothing to do with the toilet s...
2025-07-0410 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastCouples: Relationship Highs & LowsSend us a textHighs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process.Some partners need to take their shoes off and step into the shoes of the other partner in order to see the relationship from that partner's vantage point and perspective. Interestingly, all partners with Sex and/or Porn Addiction have traits which come from Narcissism. (That does not mean they are necessarily to be diagnosed with...
2025-07-0408 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastCouples: "I chose you, then (nearly) destroyed us"Send us a textEarly relationships (often with our parents) has a very powerful impact on the blueprint of partner choice. They are unconsciously looked at as being able to repair those childhood wounds. We often seek a blueprint that “fits” ours.When we meet a potential partner, we have an opportunity to re-Attach to a loved person, just like (or better than) the Attachment bonding we had with our parents when we were young. A 'someone' we feel safe with and gives us other familiar feelings which usually make us feel comfortable and have a se...
2025-07-0410 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastA Sex Addict's view of relationship highs & lowsSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHighs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process.Sex Addicts need to take their shoes off and step into the shoes of a partner in order to see the relationship from the partner's vantage point and perspective. All clients with Sex and/or Porn Addiction have traits which come from Narcissism...
2025-07-0406 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict and partner choice - same for us allSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWe fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and conscious differences are no longer seemingly acceptable or wanted. We consciously now only want the sameness bits. So the fight over the toilet seat (up or down), and the top off the toothpaste, i...
2025-06-2708 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addiction does serious damage to the coupleSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAt the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up. Is there a split agenda? Are there ulterior motives for one or both turning up for counselling? Has the conflict b...
2025-06-1308 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastHas the relationship passed being retrievable?Send us a textAt the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up. Is there a split agenda? Are there ulterior motives for one or both turning up for counselling? Has the conflict become entrenched and each dug in for war of attrition?We c...
2025-06-1110 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex/Porn/Love Addiction counselling is specialised TherapySend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreClient, choose your Therapist carefully. It makes a big difference to outcomes.In 2024 the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapy (BACP) released an Ethical framework for working with Addictions and also a set of 'Addictions competence framework' for counsellors working with or intending to work with Compulsions and Addictions. I guess it did so for a reason.Compulsions and Addictions Therapy is a specialised area of work. There is a need to ensure Counsellors and Therapists...
2025-06-0606 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastCouples Conflict & Sex don't mixSend us a textWhen there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict.Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls set in place by conflict. Touch is then so very, very impossible to do.The antidote is to learn to do physical (non-sexual) touch with the person with whom you are in conflict, in order...
2025-05-3005 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - first learn Intimacy, Sensuality & Romance, before sexSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict.Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls set in place by conflict. Touch is then so very, very impossible to do.The antidote is to learn to do physical...
2025-05-3007 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastEMDR for Sex Addicts with unresolved childhood issuesSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUnresolved issues; unprocessed childhood issues, loose canons, unpotted snooker balls - are some of the terms that I use, for the process of work that I do multiple times every day with clients - using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).Another analogy that I use (but please don't tell my EMDR colleagues that I described it to you like this)! It is as if you own an 8 bedroom mansion house; but for some reason, over lots of years...
2025-05-2311 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds Podcast'I just don't get it - This thing called Marriage or Partnership'Send us a textOver 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect.They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/freeze to get them met. We do an interesting exercise with Couples and Singles to identify their Core Emotional Needs.Commit to a Couples Recovery Programme like The Kairos Centre Video-On-Demand Relationship Program which you can cover...
2025-05-1011 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastRepairing the damaged couple post Sex AddictionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreOver 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect.They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/freeze to get them met. We do an interesting exercise with Couples and Singles to identify their Core Emotional Needs.Commit to a Couples...
2025-05-0909 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastHOOK UP CULTURE: The Testosterone trap - factsSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTestosterone in males is at its height in their late teens to early 20's. Women's sex drive does not reach its peak until their late 20's to early 30's. Therefore, a mismatch is going on between the sexes.Aged 15 to 25 years old males have a 4 times higher likelihood of death from various events. Their brains are not yet fully mature and therefore they make bad choices and poor decisions.They are 4 times more likely (than females...
2025-05-0209 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastHOOK UP CULTURE: The Science and more facts (2)Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMen's brains are configured very differently when it comes to a response to sex. There are 3 areas to know about - which are over twice the capacity of the female:The Medial Pre-optic Area (MPOA): Is an area of the Hypothalamus that regulates various physiological and behavioural processes. The MPOA is packed with twice as many neurones and density. Since it has a larger capacity in males, this is why males tend to be more visually stimulated and...
2025-04-2506 minSingles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastIntro to The Singles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds PodcastSend us a textHere is a summary of some of the topics covered in the programme: “An Eclectic mix” of counselling and psychotherapy models. Those models include psychodynamic, Systemic, CBT, EMDR, EFT, Gottman, how the past has its tentacles in our present and is affecting our future; moving as much issues from the unseen (the unconscious); bring about change – over time. Not quickly, but by small incremental steps, not big leaps; neural pathways; Childhood development; The brain does not like pain; Childhood development can throw up a lot of clues if you go looking; Connecting with the un...
2025-04-1911 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastHOOK UP CULTURE: The Science and more factsSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAlcohol consumption raises women's testosterone levels. Same for men, but with excess, men's levels start to decrease. Not so for women.Women are not use to the effects of such higher levels of testosterone and so a young woman can become a very different sexual being, because of the effects on her sex drive. That is enhanced if she is near her ovulatory window.During their ovulatory window, women are more likely to dress more provocatively...
2025-04-1808 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - Sex Ed that 'Porn & Peers' didn't teach you (3)Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn all your getting, get understanding: Men see female promiscuity as a deal breaker. If a man finds that a woman is not sexually active, he will intuitively feel that she is more likely to be faithful. Sexual integrity and sexual loyalty, is the most valued traits in a women, when a man is considering asking her to marry him."Female Choice" and " Paternity Certainty" are significant issues. "Female Choice" is something about the qualities a female is...
2025-04-1106 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - Sex Ed that 'Porn & Peers' didn't teach youSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe younger the age that a female experiences sexual arousal, the higher the socio-sexual index she is going to have. (Socio-sexual index is the amount of casual/'promiscuity' sex that a person has).The higher the promiscuity at a younger age, the more open the female will be to all sexual things. In the USA the average age of young females exposure to sexual arousal is aged 10 to 13.Therefore, the arousal template is being set up...
2025-04-0406 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast'Take Homes' for young Sex Addicts (1)Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreGen A and their siblings, listen up. Hear this bit of neurobiology. At puberty, males Androgen levels explode at puberty and between aged 13 to 15. It is 10 to 30 times higher at puberty, than pre-puberty.In females, Androgen levels (such as Testosterone - and yep males, females also have levels of Testosterone!) - their's only double and so remain much lower than in females. So, a post-puberty male, is a whole different person to who he was pre-puberty, relative to...
2025-03-2806 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts Relapse Prevention Plan & you are almost there!Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn this episode, the audio takes you through matters which could be contained in a Relapse prevention card which you keep with you at all times. This narrative will focus upon what might be included in a Personal Relapse Prevention Plan (PRPP):Your identified professional support network - contact email and phone numbersPersonal/private support network - contact detailsIdentified and known list of Triggers and Risky behaviours (both Environmental & Emotional) and plan of action to deal with...
2025-03-2110 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - the end is nigh - Don't take your foot off the gasSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDon't approach your one year (from last 'Acting out) sobriety, as an end to the work. Don't do 'out of sight out of mind'; 'I never want to see that Recovery Programme material again'. Don't do it like that - at the end.'I can stop reciting my 'Pillars' now. I can stop....I can stop.... I can stop....yipppppeeeeee'Well - Yes and No - you can stop certain things; but...
2025-03-1408 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - plan for lifelong success - not watching for Relapse in the rear view mirrorSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreYou need to applaud yourself on a job well done - to have got this far - at least one year from last Acting out. Now work towards achieving contentment.Life is a balancing act. On the one hand, you need to keep old habits at bay. Yet, on the other hand, you need to build new meaningful activities, to make life a pleasure. Yes, a pleasure!You can't jeopardise quality of life because...
2025-03-0710 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addict - Recovery work does not have to be for life, but....Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRelapse Prevention tools are for life. Why?Because the neural Pathway that was opened, created and practised for many years, is dominant, but has the potential to be reactivated in an instant. It is easier to reactivate it and it becoming larger than life, for those with a past addiction, than for those without a past addiction.The way that I view it is like this: For those who never had a sex addiction, it will...
2025-03-0209 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSometimes you have to just R.U.N for your life - from Sex AddictionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen all your Recovery Programme tools, skills and resources are not coming to your aid - have failed you - just R.U.N. There are times when all else fails and R.U.N really is the last option available to you in that moment. Don't debate with yourself; don't rationalise it; don't question it; don't procrastinate - as to whether you truly are about to 'Act out'. Just pick up your car and house keys and g...
2025-02-2110 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast"You're such a liar brain": Who, me? Sex Addiction?Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre'Brain, I'm telling you - you don't fight fair. Underhand. Dirty. I'm trying to do this for us. Are you listening to me?'I do a strange thing with everyone of my Sex Addiction clients. Multi-talented as I am, I do brain surgery on each one. (Mine is a bit crude and I don't use anaesthesia!) I cut off the top of the skull of each of my clients. I lift their brain out of t...
2025-02-1408 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - your brain is not always your best friendSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUndistort your Cognitive Distortions. How?What are Cognitive Distortions? Examples might be: 'All guys do it', 'At least I am no longer visiting porn sites', 'I'll only be on here for 5 minutes, no longer', 'What I do, is not as bad as...', 'What an horrendous day. I deserve....', 'I can't help it'It is reasonable for you to have a conversation with your brain, like this: "Brain, you are supposed to be o...
2025-02-0709 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastNegative Core Beliefs sabotage Sex Addiction RecoverySend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNegative Core Beliefs are often hidden from view. Often disguised; but masquerade as truths.They live in the unconscious. Not easily touchable. They work away in the hidden place doing their worst. They are uninvited guests. They have over stayed their invitation; live rent free and are doing damage, which adversely impacts quality of living life. They need to be gone after and expelled.Since you cannot change that which you cannot see - because they...
2025-01-3110 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastThose with Sex Addiction - Cognitive comes before the behaviourSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreCreate new thinking to change the behaviour. How? A step at a time, to re-wire the brain.Create new Neural Pathways progressively over time. What is this thing called Neural Pathways? The hamster wheel patterns of behaviours. Those habits. The programming so that when you "feel", you "think", then you "do".At least, that's how it started out in the early days. Then repetition, took out the need to "think". "I feel", got paired up with "...
2025-01-2409 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastTriggers are potholes for Porn AddictsSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreA poem by Portia Nelson, published in her bookThere's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery Verse II walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Verse II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in agai...
2025-01-1709 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastTriggers may be an ally, not a foe - Sex Addiction clients!Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTriggers are a clue to our dissociated Traumas - So says Carolyn Spring in Part 2 of her article on Managing Triggers: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/we-have-two-choices-when-triggered/The past events that we want to avoid thinking about or confronting, may be the very things that we need to go after and change. That sounds like hard work and painful - to me. Yet - it may be worth it people!Triggers can signpost us to unresolved...
2025-01-1010 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastTriggers don't play fair in the Sex Addicts worldSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTriggers don't play fair. They are often unpredictable (like a music track which comes on) and moves you from chilled to a fight to maintain sobriety. So underhand. Not a nice play partner.Carolyn Spring talks about the aftermaths of Triggers, from the sense of Shame, Self-blame, failure, powerlessness, critical self-talk, being out of control.What is this 'Shame of being Triggers?' Anyone identify with that expression?Are there only three types of...
2025-01-0308 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addicts - turning off Fight/Flight/Freeze response - ain't an optionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe cave man/cave woman response of Fight/Flight/Freeze, is alive and well. Don't beat your brain up too badly. It is just doing what it was designed to do to protect you.The options it chooses or gravitates to, are at times, rather dubious and for Sex Addicts. The relief only lasts 5 minutes, but a much longer regret and repercussion timeframe. The brain needs re-training.Stress, tension, anxiety, worry, boredom, loss, rejection, conflict and...
2024-12-2711 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastMore Neuroscience from some very clever clogs - for Sex Addiction folksSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet me not re-invent the wheel in this episode. There are some really clever people who say it better than me (even if rather brain hurtingly academical)! Read this Article:The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand? Link: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.31887/DCNS.2020.22.2/mkorte".....This overview will outline the current results of neuroscience research on the possible effects of digital media use...
2024-12-2010 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex Addiction Neuroscience stuff - lush knowledge!....I think!Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThere is a correlation between Sex Addiction and ADHD. When faced with 'danger' on a daily basis (even whilst in the womb!), healthy brain development is derailed and impeded. The area in the brain called the Amygdala (the smoke alarm for danger), increase in volume and becomes over activated.The Pre-Cortex and Hippocampus becomes compromised. The protective behaviours become 'hard wired'. Lifestyle, nutrition, exposure to toxins and stress, all play a part in activating ADHD genes. ...
2024-12-1309 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastAttachment Styles is a big deal in Sex/Porn/Love AddictionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRemember, you cannot change what you cannot see and don't understand. Even when you can better see the problem and understand it, does not mean that you can change it - quickly. Insecure Attachment behaviours is one such pattern, which needs to be understood - to experience your "eureka moment" - the light bulb moment.Parents (or the main caregivers) are lighthouses. Babies, toddlers and children are ships on the high seas. They can go exploring...
2024-11-2908 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastLove Addicts hate themselves - but don't tellSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLove Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire.It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned', 'wanted', 'secure', 'held', 'needed', 'wanted', 'safe', 'protected', 'belonging', The class clown will play up to that carved out role, because of a recognition that...
2024-11-2207 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast'Insecure Attachment' = Detachment, Rejection, Loss, Let go of - to Sex/Porn/Love AddictsSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or easily access; but your brain remembers them well and put an identification label/marker on each of them, as and when they occurred.You cannot necessarily find or access them or the details about...
2024-11-1508 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastThe antidote to Narcissism for Sex Addicts, is EmpathySend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNarcissism and Empathy (like same poles of a magnet) cannot co-exist together in the same space. They repel each other. Likewise, they cannot co-exist in the same person at equally high levels.Either they will have a high level of Narcissistic traits and a low level of Empathy or vice versa. Work on Empathy and you will see Narcissistic traits recede over time. Remember, there can be no quick fixes in this work with The Kairos Centre; but...
2024-11-0109 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastNarcissistic - who? Not me! - just because of sex Addiction!Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDon't go looking up the term on Google and it spewing out a whole heap of stuff that blinds you and gets your back up! I am not suggesting Sex/Porn/Love Addicts are a Narcissists - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - is one of the most difficult mental Health diagnosis to treat. It requires a particularly skilled diagnosis.What I am saying is that they will have, and be manifesting 'traits' which come from Narcissism. What are...
2024-10-2510 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTIONSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION. Too simplistic? Maybe, but it is a good place to start, if you want to better understand the reason for the activities - as an outlet for Shame & Narcissism.Try hard to come out from under the umbrella of covering that Shame provides - but is unseen. It covers the Addict and a partner. It keeps them hidden and in hiding. yet, the antidote to shame is to come out of hiding...
2024-10-1809 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast"SHAME on you" - are particularly triggering, toxic & impactful words to Sex AddictsSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreShame is set up in childhood. Life is unfair. Yep.The presence of shame is a particularly powerful driver for sexual addiction. Shame means “to hide” and is a hidden companion of Narcissism.SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTIONShame is the painful feeling of being unacceptable. It is a feeling of being inferior. It is “a wound made from the inside by an unseen hand”. There is something about “Attachment” issues and what happened as...
2024-10-1108 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastScapegoating can go on for only so long - folks with Sex Addiction!Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreScapegoating can go on for only so long. Then a need to accept responsibility for adult choices.The Kairos Centre do an extensive History Taking to build a profile understanding of the adult, impacted by childhood development issues. The feedback hypothesis can cause your brain (which initially, is not your best friend during the early stages of attempts at recovery) to blame others for what happened to you back there in the past. (We do not all have...
2024-10-0406 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastDon't forget the partner - in the Sex Addiction Recovery JourneySend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHe “caused” our problems and yet once again the focus and everyone’s attention is on him. The family income is being used by him again for his benefit, on top of the spend he has already enjoyed on his addiction. It’s just not fair. I am left here with his stuff and don’t know where to go or turn for help for me. That just is not right and is not fair. I feel so.....This is an...
2024-09-2707 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastIt isn't all about me - this thing of Sex Addiction RecoverySend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIf you are in a partnered relationship, re-build integrity with yourself by signing a 'Couples Recovery Plan'. Recovery - in a partnered relationship - is about the partnership, not only about your recovery at all.Your signature on the 'Couples Recovery Plan' can bolster your commitment to be faithful to your word/your signature - to use 'best endeavours' to achieve the outcomes in the Couples Recovery Plan. It can get you a long way into your sobriety...
2024-09-2010 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastGive back control brain: Then I won't need porn AddictionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe ability to quickly recognize fearful situations and other emotional signals, may be critical to survival, as it enables us to detect potential threats. The amygdala is believed to play a central role in these processes.The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure deep in the brain, located on the medial surface of the temporal lobe, which processes both positive and negative emotions. Brain scanning studies show that the amygdala is activated in response to fear, even when...
2024-09-1309 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSome replacement positive self-soothing Hamster wheel tools for Sex/Porn AddictionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThey are called the 4 Elements tools - which I teach my EMDR ("trauma") clients. These self-soothing - much more healthy and positive impacting (but still are hamster wheel/repetitive/habit/neural pathway activities) - become the new "go-to" practices.In other words, instead of defaulting to the previous negative hamster wheel behaviours, you learn to default to these positive ones - that are used repetitively. Get it?They work. They can help you bring your Pre-Cortex...
2024-09-0608 min
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastEnhance sobriety by knowing which "Stage(s) of change" you are at in your Sex/Porn/Love Addiction RecoverySend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIf you understand The Stages of Change, may be you will not be so hard on yourself and be liberated! May be you are not defective, weak, a worse case, a hopeless case or an unfixable case.Stop beating yourself up, since you are facing the same Relapses as those trying to quit smoking, stop binge eating & other eating disorders, gambling, drugs, gaming and many other compulsive behaviours. You are not being weak.Yes...
2024-08-3008 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex & Tech - Slippery slope that ends badly for those with Sex & Porn AddictionSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreI need only a few words to summary this episode. The slippery slope of mis-using Technology, will always cost you more than you had bargained, in many aspects of life.The world of AI, VR, Silicone full size sex dolls (childlike or sex slave like), will take you down at some point. It may not be for 20 years before doing a look back to count the cost of the severe adverse consequences of chasing the ultimate experience.
2024-08-2311 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastPorn & Sex Addicts re-wire their brain - a little at timeSend a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"Sticks & stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me". That's not true! words do hurt. That means positive words can heal wounds.Hence, the basis for reciting "Pillars" - which are words that are spoken over yourself three times a day, every day. They can re-set you throughout the day, as a distraction technique; distraction from the objectified images which are being replayed in the minds-eye. Those objectified images are...
2024-08-1610 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastWhy those with Sex Addiction are willing to risk such "Harmful Consequences"Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreFor example, the highest download of porn is between the hours of 9am and 5pm. What are those hours? Where are most people, during those hours? What do most contracts say about being caught having downloaded such material at work? What consequences flow from exposure? Then why take that level of risk?Don't use logic when considering these questions. The part of the brain that does logic, is the Frontal Lobes - the Frontal Cortex (which analyzes, problem...
2024-08-0909 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastPsychosexual issues set up for those with Sex, Porn, Love AddictionSend a textSnippet of an interview with Caroline Brown of “This Crazy over 40s Life”: Sex with no strings attached - Part 5- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWorth listening to “Sexual Intelligence: More Science stuff” episodes – to recognise that there are consequence for Sex, Porn, Love Addiction patterns of behaviours. Watch out for the psychosexual problems in the individual and couple’s sexual relationship.Sex, Porn, Love Addiction gets passed on to your next generation and tends to have a co-addiction (twin addiction) waiting in t...
2024-07-1909 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastMany women (worldwide) became addicted to Sex & Porn during covid-19 lock downSend a text(Snippets from an Interview by Caroline Brown of "This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast") - Part 4- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSomething shifted during Covid-19 lockdown. Many women enticed to use phones, computers and tablets during lockdown, crossed their own "values" boundaries, as it seemed reasonable to do so (in the unusual circumstances of lockdown). The problem: Once crossed and their brain experienced the novelty, naughtiness, daringness and thrill of seeing a partner on the other side of the screen - went back...
2024-07-1209 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastA female client’s "Goodbye letter" to Porn, Sex (or was it more love Addiction)Send a text(Interviewed by Caroline Brown of This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast) - Part 1- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreYou can break free of the (perhaps) generational baton of inherited compulsive behaviours and decide - "it stops with me" Here is one such past Kairos Centre client's description of her journey:"A client’s Goodbye letter to porn, sex & love Addiction A goodbye to sex and love addiction letter, written by a woman after 9 months therapy with Gary McF...
2024-06-2108 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastTemplates get set up in early life, setting the stage for self-soothing & later on Sex, Porn, Love Addiction enters the stageSend a textOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreInterview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (6)Have I said this already - "Childhood has a lot to answer"?Maybe just a few times hey! But are you getting it? Don't start at step 5 or 6 with a Recovery Programme or 12 Steps Support. They are absolutely needed, but not yet. Go back to first base. Step 1. Childhood developmental years.Can't find anything there? You had a lovely upbringing. I...
2024-05-1710 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastSex, Porn, Love Addiction is indiscriminate between Masculinity & Femininity, but women tend....Send a textInterview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (3)Big up the womenSo much more practical in finding solutions. Teach us please ladies. We need you. Us men have become emasculated by a society. What does masculinity mean? Aren’t there two roles – Masculinity & Femininity? Aren’t they different? Don’t they complement each other, to create a balanced society? Too simplistic Gary?We need someone in our life to role-model the sexual type that belongs to each of us. Without i...
2024-04-2609 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastPorn use can cause Brain damageSend a textInterview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (3)Is porn bad or inherently bad for the brain?I don’t want to be seen as moralising about anyone’s personal values, ethics, standards or morals. What we do know is that experiments demonstrate that porn viewing can do permanent damage to the brain. (We are dealing with lots of porn use over lots of hours; no short periodical or ad hoc use).Once damaged in that way, it is permanent and the deficit cannot be repaired. (“A bit scaremongery Gary”). No, not...
2024-03-2208 minThe Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastTrue Sex, Porn, Love Addiction sobriety is not until one year from last Acting out! DiscussSend a textInterview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (1)Don't think about having truly achieved sobriety until one year from the last acting out.“A bit arbitrary Gary. Rather too long, don’t you think?” My reply is that the compulsive and addiction behaviours usually have a few decades start on you. In other words, many clients have been doing the behaviours for decades – often since childhood development. A habit; a hamster wheel behaviour pattern; otherwise more therapeutically called a neural pathway - is well established. It is not going to be possib...
2024-03-0810 min