Shows
The Inconvenient GoddessRevelation: IG PC39Here is the final chapter of The Inconvenient Goddess. Of Gods and Mortals is the next story of the Ancient Katie series.
2021-07-1425 min
The Inconvenient GoddessKikkuli: IG PC38After pacing to and fro and waiting for what seemed like a long time, Katie heard René’s distinctive shuffle coming down the path toward her.
“René, I’m pregnant!” Katie exclaimed as she ran to him with her arms out.
2021-07-0220 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentWhat Next? FOF PC52Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, screaming "Woo-hoo, what a ride!"
2021-06-2313 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentSan Luis Obispo Yacht Club: FOF PC51As the ceremonies were winding down, I went to find Mary. She was talking to Melenie just outside the front door. As I approached her, Mary seemed confused. She was telling Melenie she didn’t remember singing any songs. Seeing me next to her, Mary wanted to know if she had already performed. I said both of the songs were great. The crowd even sang with her during the National Anthem. She looked back to Melenie, and repeated: “I don’t remember singing at all.”
2021-06-2316 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentMocha 2.0: FOF PC50Two years later, we found we weren't using the horses anymore. I think our hearts were too broken. So, I gave both Mocha Too and Lucy to my sister Jackie. She and Steve came on a weekend and took the horses to Fresno. The next week they returned to get the horse equipment, all of it. Jackie commandeered my saddles, my pads, my blankets, my halters and bridles and extra bits. She took the saddle racks off the walls. She even removed and pocketed the spurs on my boots. I’m sure that was illegal; you cannot take a cowboy’s sp...
2021-06-2312 min
The Inconvenient GoddessNimrud: IG PC37Traveling went smoothly for the first thirty miles. The well-maintained road offered little impediment. Katie kept up small talk with René at first, but finally, she let her worries out.
“René, I need to talk to you about Çitri,” she began.
“Why, Katie?”
“I know Çitri is very close to Queen Yuni who, I have learned, is plotting against me. I think you are being played.”
“In what way?” René asked.
“Yuni has made plans to steal my IUD. She believes it to be the source of my power. Has Çitri said anything to you?”
2021-06-2211 min
The Inconvenient GoddessEarly Morning Raid: IG PC36Emil, Dastur, and Çitri gathered in Yuni's chamber. "We must move tonight," the Queen began. "The Goddess is becoming restless in Nineveh. She is arranging a trip south to see the King. We must move now, we must be careful. King Tushratta cannot hear of this."
2021-06-0209 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentMocha's Accident: FOF PC49"I was standing in my front room by the window at approximately 7:00 PM. All of the windows and doors were opening my house. I heard a tremendous crash then a thunk. There were no screeches of brakes before or after these disturbing sounds.
---testimony from neighbor Robbie Derrick.
2021-06-0214 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Horse Collector: FOF PC 48Although I no longer enjoyed any breeding contracts at the large horse ranches, I continued to see horses for other clients. Many of these folks were becoming tired of their horses. Some were older animals left over from the days when the kids were still at home, now more interested in gasoline, perfume, and alcohol instead. Other people were moving out of the area and didn’t want to take their horses with them. Some were getting too old to ride and just wanted them given out to a good home. Soon the old ostrich pens were populated with horses na...
2021-05-2913 min
The Inconvenient GoddessWhisperings: IG PC35The next morning Rabea approached Katie with a worried look. “Ištar, there is something that is not right here, in Nineveh. I believe you are in danger from Yuni’s priests."
2021-05-2907 min
The Inconvenient GoddessYuni's Plan: IG PC34Meeting with Dastur, the Zoroastrian High Priest of Nineveh, Queen Yuni decides the best way to deal with Ishtar is to kidnap her while the goddess is on earth.
2021-05-2406 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentMocha Is Born: FOF PC 47Tuesday morning when I went out to feed her, Candybar had a foal suckling her. Mary and I immediately checked it out. As with any first newborn child, we bought books to help us rear an offspring, one who would be confident with people from the very beginning. We lavished much time and attention on Mocha, and the efforts paid off.
2021-05-0917 min
The Inconvenient GoddessPicnic with Çitri: IG PC 33Çitri offered to take René through Nineveh so he could sharpen his driving skills. Now their two-horse chariot was in unprotected territory. Their helmets and armor were laying on the chariot floor behind them next to a blanket and picnic supplies.
2021-05-0616 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentReconciliation: FOF PC 46Women can forgive physical cheating, but not an emotional one. On the contrary, men can forgive emotional cheating, but not a physical one." Rishi Bharadwaj
2021-05-0119 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentDUI: FOF PC 45"People are always capable of falling in love again." Rishi Bharadwaj
2021-04-2914 min
The Inconvenient GoddessRelaxing in Nineveh: IG PC32René has a great time exploring metropolitan Nineveh while Katie worries anxiously about their predicament.
2021-04-2901 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentCreston Divorce: FOF PC 44--"You should get your heart broken once or more. You will get to know who you are and what do you want in a life partner." Rishi Bharadwaj --
Because of my consistent philandering and neglect, Mary finally tired of my escapades, informing me it was time for me to leave. I was expecting this but hadn't thought it out yet.
-You should get your heart broken once or more. You will get to know who you are and what do you want in a life partner. Rishi Bharadwaj
2021-04-2320 min
The Inconvenient GoddessRené's Night Out: IG PC31René quickly learned how to use his temple credit card. When the young men were full of food, smoke, and brew, they left the tavern and made their winding way back up the temple mount.
“See you guys tomorrow.” Devi waved and headed off to the barracks.
“It was great, bro, thanks for hanging.” René waved back while he and Cedat stumbled further up the hill.
The front guard let them in, and they wandered towards Ištar’s quarters. Katie and Rabea looked up as Cedat fell across the threshold into Katie’s room.
“Get up, go to bed, Cedat!” Rabea yel...
2021-04-2315 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentGathering Cattle: FOF PC 43The gathering starts right after daybreak. A group of cowboys on horses set out and methodically sweep from one side of the ranch to the other, keeping the startled cows and calves in front of them and pushing them toward the barn area. As more cows and calves enter the growing herd, the noise level rises. Each cow has a low “moo,” distinctive enough to be distinguished by each cow’s baby, and vice versa. The baby responds in a higher pitch “baa,” thus both mom and baby can find each other.
2021-04-1712 min
The Inconvenient GoddessNineveh: IG PC30Following the Lalish River, the chariots drove through snow-covered hills toward Nineveh. Settling into a familiar routine, the horses functioned well as a unit quickly traveling the ten miles of steep hillsides before they gave way to open meadows. When the road widened, the chariot teams paired and continued the trip side-by-side.
2021-04-1512 min
The Inconvenient GoddessLeaving Lalish: IG PC29“Ištar, this is Mašda” Moudad began. “He has come from Nineveh and speaks on behalf of my brother Josef, the high priest of Ištar’s Nineveh temple.”
Mašda at once knelt and prostrated himself before Ištar, with his arms outstretched he kissed the ground.
“Thank you. You can stand now, Mašda,” Katie said somberly. “But why are you sad, Moudad?” she asked again.
“Josef says Nineveh is your rightful place. It is your greatest city, Ištar, and High Priest Josef wants you there.”
“What do you mean, my greatest city?”
“We created Nineveh for Ištar,” Mašda said. “It is your...
2021-04-1006 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentCowboys Ride the Iron Horse: FOF PC42Cowboys Ride the Iron Horse is a roller-coaster chapter taking place on a snowbound train trying to get to Reno, Nevada.
2021-04-0522 min
The Inconvenient GoddessRecheck: IG PC28Bored to tears, Katie latched onto a major comfort in her previous life: the horses in the barn.
2021-03-2611 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentKnowledge Is Not The Same As Wisdom: FOF PC41Although intelligent enough to graduate veterinary school a month after my 27th birthday, it would take me many more years before I found my true self.
2021-03-2117 min
The Inconvenient GoddessOutdoor Solace: IG PC27Annoyed at being fussed over, Katie waited for an alone moment to go outside. Donning her warmest clothes, she went out for a walk.
A dense layer of snow blanketed the hills around Lalish, its sparkling crust punctured by the dark, barren trunks of oak trees.
Katie’s cheeks reddened from the chill, and her breath rose in white clouds of fog. It was quiet. The snow dampened the sound waves; her boots crunching the dry snow was the only noise breaking the stillness. She wandered the small valley, enjoying the quiet and solitude. After a half-hour of trudging, she wa...
2021-03-2006 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentTampa Bay: PC 40In the late spring of 1996, I received a notice from the AAAV they were looking for more material for the ostrich part of their annual convention at Tampa Bay Aug 28-30. I submitted a paper on Adverse Effects of High Environmental Temperatures on Ostrich Chicks, which was accepted.
Mary agreed to come along on my trip to Tampa Bay, which was after the big shout-out at the restaurant and before she served me with divorce papers. But still, she gave the thing another try and came along, arranging to have Nanny Kerry stay through the weekend with the kids.
2021-03-1618 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentPhiladelphia: FOF PC39“When do you plan on becoming married?” the woman asked.
Susan and I looked at each other. We had been maintaining a distance and were not holding hands, surprised, but not really that others could see through the sham, our feelings for each other were so intense.
“We are business acquaintances, and we are married to different people,” Susan announced, explaining to all she was accompanying me on these trips to increase her knowledge of ostrich medicine. The woman across the table remained unconvinced of our public declarations of abstinence.
“I want to know what I could say to my husband to...
2021-03-0524 min
The Inconvenient GoddessThe Unbroken Circle: IG PC1A command was given. Individual soldiers coalesced into a solid line. As they inched toward Apollyōn their shields closed together, giving the horse less and less freedom with every step they took. Now the stallion could see no escape. Unable to temper his unease, he pinned his ears back, snorting and pacing back and forth, back and forth. Apollyōn was accustomed to the soldiers. Venerated as both a pet and a nuisance, he had been allowed to follow his whimsy as long as he maintained his manners. But now these men were a threat to his very existence. Ru...
2021-03-0417 minThe Inconvenient GoddessModern Lalish: IG PC2Closing her eyes, Katie took a breath thinking back weeks earlier to the day she and René were forced into Lalish’s modern-day temple. A grenade’s explosion inexplicably shifted her timeframe. Katie was just now realizing she was recovering in ancient times. Katie and René were flown overseas to study an infectious disease of sheep that was spreading to the people of Lalish, a mountain village sixty miles north of Mosul, Iraq. The study was going well; the group was collecting valuable information during the modern Yezidi fall festival in Lalish’s temple. Until ISIS invaded.
2021-03-0425 min
The Inconvenient GoddessIntroduction to The Inconvenient GoddessKatie Reynolds, a young veterinary doctor from California, and her colleague René were sent to war-torn Kurdistan to find a disease spreading from animals to people. Unexpectedly caught in a firestorm, she is blown back to the ancient Middle East, where she has only her intelligence to keep her alive in the extraordinary and archaic time of the Egyptian Pharaohs. Following a lengthy convalescence in a primitive and foreign place, it takes Katie a while to realize she has been cast into a very ancient time. Luckily she finds two things to help her maintain a grip on her sanity; t...
2021-03-0305 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentSanta Barbara Botanical Gardens: FOF PC 38Deciding to create a plant paradise at Shadowmere Farms, I enrolled in classes at Santa Barbara Botanical Gardens to figure out how to grow those plants that could thrive in our climate zone. And I encouraged my extra-marital affair by meeting up with Susan, who was taking the exact same classes. Because of the long distance between Santa Barbara and Paso Robles I stayed at a hotel on beach.
2021-02-2624 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentDallas, Texas: PC 37My second ostrich speaking engagement happened at the American Ostrich Association’s yearly meeting in Dallas, Texas. I was one of four well-known ostrich vets invited to speak to AOA members regarding health and veterinary issues for their million-dollar birds.
After talks finished in the early afternoon, the entire audience congregated in a large auditorium to have a doctor question and answer period. The speakers were seated on a stage, just as I had done in Reno. I felt a difference this time. I was less nervous and ready to add my opinion to various questions. Dr. Karen Hicks was si...
2021-02-1821 min
The Inconvenient GoddessThe Barn: IG PC26With Lalish paralyzed by the unusual snowstorm Queen Yuni renewed her push to know more about Ishtar. Worried, Moudad doubled his efforts to keep Ishtar’s power from being stolen, moving Katie deeper inside the temple. But, it was a good time her Rene when he found solace helping repair chariots. That’s when he met Çitri.
2021-02-1507 min
The Inconvenient GoddessThe Letter: IG PC25Katie becomes distraught as she and René search for clues to find their way home.
2021-02-1418 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentA New Sideline: PC 36I was smitten by this new woman in my life. Besides being pretty, Susan was keenly interested in my veterinary lifestyle. Her magnetism pulled me into an unthinking blissful bubble.
My insecurities heightened her appeal. Susan became my new sidekick; my supercharged mind released tons of endorphins deepening my ADHD hyper-focus. My brain surged with warm and fuzzy magic molecules, thus I thought about her constantly.
During this period of fuzzy, I conveniently forgot my marriage vows. While Mary was taking care of the family and the ostriches, and managing the practice’s financial matters, she had less time for me...
2021-02-1319 min
The Inconvenient GoddessQueen Yuni Meets Ishtar: IG PC24Inside the Lalish temple Katie’s meeting with Queen Yuni remains formal and bland as the Queen of the Mitanni kingdom offers gifts to her Goddess Ištar while poor René is smitten by the Queen’s beautiful niece, Çitri.
2021-02-0608 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentMy Own Greek Tragedy: FOF PC 35A few years into our marriage my ADHD insecurities partnered with my immature mindset to lead me down a rabbit hole of temptation, betrayal, disloyalty, and sadness.
2021-02-0429 min
The Inconvenient GoddessKatie Prepares: IG PC23Katie and René are introduced to the tediousness of royal protocol as they are prepared to be formally introduced to Queen Yuni. Their moods lighten when René excites Katie with news that marvelous chariots and impressive horses came with Queen Yuni’s entourage.
2021-01-2707 min
The Inconvenient GoddessYuni Arrives: IG PC22While Girgous was finding his way into the newly conquered Hittite city of Karkamis, four hundred miles east, Yuni, the Mitanni Queen and her niece Citri arrived in the mountain village of Lalish, an ancient center of worship 60 miles north of Nineveh, modern day Mosul. Yuni was on a quest to see what this Ishtar appearance was all about. Having grown up outside her husband's religion, Yuni remained skeptical of the power of her husbands gods and was determined to show her people Ishtar was not the goddess people thought she was.
2021-01-2407 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentOstrich Quarantine Station: FOF PC 34When notice spread I was an ostrich veterinarian, calls asking for my help arrived regularly, many of them out of our area code. One call came from a fellow with a family fleeing South Africa, eager to set up an ostrich egg importation/quarantine station to bring ostriches to the United States. Such a station is required to keep foreign diseases from coming here.
My experiences inside these quarantine stations gave me insight to write Death from Down Under and Cocaine Eggs.
2021-01-2317 min
The Inconvenient GoddessKarkamış: IG PC21The city Karkamış, located on the most strategic site of the Euphrates River separates the mighty Mitanni Kingdom of King Tushratta with the growing military menace of the Hittite armies of King Šuppiluliuma advancing south from modern Turkey. When Karkamış fell to the Hittites King Tushrata lost a major east to west thoroughfare that connected the ancient Middle East, the cradle of civilization to the Egyptian empire of the Nile,. The learned scribe Girgous understood th¥e importance of befirending the future Hittite rulers a, aquiescing to a long and the copper rich mines of alashaya, modern day Cyprus
2021-01-0418 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Circle of Knowledge: FOF PC 33My confidence in my veterinary learning had developed to the point where I was ready to teach others what I had learned. I call this the circle of knowledge. First one must learn and understand the technique. Next comes using what you’ve learned over and over again until it becomes a part of you. Finally, it’s time to teach others what you’ve mastered. This is how knowledge enhances our human experience.
2021-01-0327 min
The Inconvenient GoddessGirgous Agrees: IG PC20Rib-Hadda’s scribe Girgous was running out of options. His home town of Byblos was in danger because of the Amorite incursions and although his reading and writing capabilities were appreciated by the Amorites, he realized they were too loosely organized for him to find a secure position with these rugged folk from the mountains.
Also, if the Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaten abandoned Gubla, his boss, Rib-Hadda would be banished or murdered. Now Girgous eyed an alliance with the Hittite king, Šuppiluliuma whose armies had recently conquered the city of Karkamis from Tushratta, the Mitanni King, whose empire was collapsing under the...
2020-12-2811 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentMy Family Grows:PC 32I needed some vacation time. When Mary suggested we visit her aging parents in Minneapolis, Minnesota I jumped at the idea. We could write the trip off on our taxes if we went to Minnesota for veterinary stuff, so I coordinated the trip to coincide with the annual meeting of the Minnesota Veterinary Association where I attended various lectures. We drove to San Francisco, arranging to spend the night with Chuck and Barbie before boarding the plane the next morning. We arrived in San Francisco in a festive mood. However, the festivities quickly withered when we realized Chuck and Barbie...
2020-12-2822 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentOstrich Veterinarian: PC 31My career took another challenging turn when I decided to offer my veterinary services to ostrich owners. Once again I pushed myself into a steep learning curve to become proficient at doctoring this new and unfamiliar seven-foot-tall bird.
2020-12-1734 min
The Inconvenient GoddessCosmic String Theory: IG PC19While Katie and René meticulously search Ishtar's temple looking for a way back to the future Moudad prepares for Queen Yuni's royal arrival.
2020-12-1511 min
The Inconvenient GoddessAncient Reality: IG PC18Nursed from near death by her ancient caregivers Katie’s mind pushes for explanations as she realizes she is in a very foreign place. Actually, she’s in the same place, the Lalish Temple. However, her timing is off by 3,000 years. Katie is recovering in the year 1328 BC. Understandably, her mind cannot comprehend she’s been involved in a time shift. It isn’t until she wanders outside does the truth dawn on her. Looking for the North Star Katie glances at the night sky.
Being of Navajo descent, Katie knows the star patterns well. The Diné’s most revered constellati...
2020-11-2820 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentChiquita: FOF Podcast 30Alan from the Atascadero Zoo called me. Chiquita, one of their spider monkeys had stopped eating and developed diarrhea. She looked horrible when I examined her, appearing weak and listless, about to check out.
The zoo had no facilities to treat her properly. I needed to bring her to my house for convalescence. Because she had diarrhea, I took a stool sample sending it to the lab for identification. The lab would run a sensitivity test to tell me which antibiotic was the most efficacious. Placing Chiquita in a portable dog kennel, I brought her home.
2020-11-2018 min
The Inconvenient GoddessSepticemic Delirium: IG PC17Katie’s convalescence in ancient times went smoothly for a while. Although uncertain about where she was she had found a way to communicate with her helpers, when a severe infection from her wounds sent her into critical danger.
2020-11-1926 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentAustralians on Holiday: FOF Podcast 29On the flight back from lunch at Harris Ranch, I thanked Larry and Lorraine for their hospitality and invited the Australian woman and her brother over to my house for an evening in the hot tub. We could finish off the day drinking wine and soaking in hot water. She agreed and told me they would find a way out to my place.
When I arrived home I fed the dogs and put more wood in the fireplace to make sure we all had a cozy atmosphere where we could talk. Soon my guests arrived. I filled their glasses with...
2020-11-1922 min
The Inconvenient GoddessNefertiti's Palace: IG PC16“Is this the reason you have sent for me, Queen Nefertiti?” Cepri asked uneasily.
Nefertiti noticed the reticence. “What worries you about this, Cepri?” She asked.
“I am perplexed more than worried,” Cepri replied, relaxing into the interview. “Lalish is far away. Ištar coming to earth in a distant kingdom has little to do with Aten.”
“Aten is not as powerful as my husband believes,” Nefertiti replied. “Times are changing, Cepri. We need divine help, and I want to bring Ištar to Egypt.”
“Why not bring back Isis or Hathor? They are Egyptian Gods equal to Ištar.”
“Akhenaten gave onto me the streng...
2020-11-1810 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentZoo Veterinarian: FOF 28In the fall of 1986, I received a call from Alan Metzler, director of our local zoo. He was looking for a new veterinarian to help with the medical well-being of the zoo’s animals. Bringing him from the San Diego Zoo, the City of Atascadero hired Alan to upgrade their small zoo. The ultimate goal was to have it accredited with the AZA, The Association of Zoos and Aquariums. He needed to improve much of the physical plant and to have a more comprehensive medical oversight in place. Once accredited, we could qualify for new areas of funding, and be al...
2020-11-1425 min
The Inconvenient GoddessAmorite Chariots: IG PC15Girgous followed Aziru and Abdi’aširta through an opening of the Terre pisée. “We will get to Karkamış quickly by using what I have stored in there.” Abdi’aširta pointed to a stone building with a wooden thatched roof that lay inside the protective walls. Many horses were grazing nearby.
“I can’t ride horses,” Girgous said.
“We will attach chariots to the horses, Girgous,” Abdi’aširta explained. “Nasser has two chariots. If we trot the horses, we will arrive with only two long days of travel.”
“I didn’t know you had chariots, Abdi’aširta.”
Aziru stepped in front of his...
2020-11-0907 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentMary and I Wed: FOF PC 27I flew to LA International Saturday afternoon and took a taxi to Olvera Street. I was pleased; the place exuded the perfect nostalgic ambiance. Colorful piñatas, taco stands, and Mexican shops and restaurants stood on either side of the brick walkways. I contacted Mary, and we met up for dinner. At the end of the meal, reaching behind me, I fished out a large jewelry container and opened it.
"Will you marry me?" I asked her, displaying a beautiful pearl necklace.
2020-11-0823 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentSteamboat Springs: FOF 26Welcome to Podcast 26, where Mary and I travel to the Rocky Mountain enclave called Steamboat Springs, Colorado. Now, you’re likely asking… why are we in Colorado? Well… Sarah, of Thistledown Farm Warmbloods asked me if I’d be interested in setting up an embryo transfer project in her barn. I immediately accepted. Realizing I needed more insight and technique to do this correctly I enrolled in a three-day course at the veterinary school in Fort Collins, Colorado. Fort Collins is a few hour’s drive from Steamboat, where Mary was discovered, so we decided to make the focus on Steamboat...
2020-11-0522 min
The Inconvenient GoddessFirst Steps: IG PC14Katie begins to convalesce in ancient Lalish inside the temple in northern Iraq where she was discovered. As her body begins to heal she becomes more aware of the extent of her dilemma.
2020-11-0213 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentEquine Repro Man: FOF 25In the second year of my solo practice I was hired by Creston Oaks Arabians, a large horse ranch to oversee their breeding operations. Unlike cows, which can be bred pretty much anytime during the year, horses are seasonal breeders, with the vast majority coming into heat during late winter and early spring. After collecting semen from world-famous stallions, it was my job to infuse the valuable semen into mares as they progressed through their cycles. Using both my ultrasound probe as well as feeling the ovaries in the palm of my hand via rectal palpation I would determine when...
2020-11-0119 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Great American Roadshow: FOF 24Come listen to a shit-stomping hootenanny as Mary and I drive to bluegrass country where she performed in a concert in Little Rock Arkansas and appeared on TV in Nashville, Tennessee. I’ll stop talking while Rick Bear, a member of Mary’s Leaner, Lunker and Betsy Band plays Rocky Top Tennessee on his banjo.
2020-10-3018 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Huer Huero Fire: FOF 23Once Mary invited me inside things escalated quickly. My interest in finding out more about this woman pushed my ADHD hyperfocus into hyperdrive. Intrigued by future possibilities I took full advantage of the opportunity to become closer to Mary. Hopeful to find more common ground between us to deepen the relationship I returned the next day, and the next and the next. Mary’s smile welcomed me back each time.
2020-10-2919 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentNew Moon, a New Beginning: FOF 22Tired of being beat up by my revolving door ladies and bored of my open-door arrangement with Nancy I wondered where in the world I could find a quiet, peaceful mature relationship. Deciding to expand beyond the gaggle of local ladies that hadn’t made it into college or hadn’t achieved goals in their life like I did when I got into veterinary school my focus settled on a famous neighbor, Mary Macgregor. Hoping her world travels elevated her above the teenage pettiness and stupidity I’d been dating for the last few years I determined to work myself into h...
2020-10-2826 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentBig Sur: FOF 21Nancy and I stayed a strong couple for almost half a year. She accompanied me when I left my apartment and moved to the country. I’d gone on a horse call to Oak Country Ranch, and after exclaiming to Donna, the owner of the place I thought it was beautiful, asked if I’d like to live there. She had a vacancy in a trailer on her property and was looking for a tenant. I jumped at the opportunity and Nancy helped me move into our new digs.
However, something dimmed my image of the woman sleeping next to me w...
2020-10-2626 min
The Inconvenient GoddessThe Lions of Ebla: IG PC13After leaving Baalbek, Girgous and Sonia continued north from the Lebanon Mountains onto the Qadesh plain and into Ebla. They were guests of Aziru, staying in places friendly towards the Amorites.
“Wow,” Girgous exclaimed when they walked closer to the massive walls in front of them. “So, this is Ebla. I’m very impressed.” Many soldiers were walking the parapet above the entrance.
“Oh, there are a lot of soldiers,” Sonia said. “They must be bored, we’ve got a few near the tower looking at us.” She waved at a group of four men looking over the stone wall. One of them waved ba...
2020-10-2516 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Revolving Door: FOF 20Today I’m presenting my revolving door days. Starting up a large animal practice doesn’t happen overnight, leaving me with lots of free time. The days I wasn’t called out I found myself bored and my mind wandered, a detrimental aspect for an ADHD mind because boredom generates an overwhelming anxiety that things aren’t right. Plus, that loneliness thing gnawed at me, so finding a girlfriend became a priority. And so, I dated several women over a short period of time. I call this disastrous time my Revolving Door period. I'll open by playing a tune from Mary's t...
2020-10-2127 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentEquine Endurance Rides: FOF 19Today I’m sharing my experiences as a horse vet monitoring magnificently conditioned horses as they compete across breath-taking landscapes on long distance races of 25, 50 and 100 miles. Called Endurance Rides, these contests require a combination of physical stamina and mental alertness between the horse and rider over a long period of time. The horse and rider are a team, and the challenge is to complete the course with a horse that is fit to continue. One rider sums up the experience: “A good rider does not ask of the horse more than is necessary for victory. He knows what his hors...
2020-10-1623 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Charlatan: FOF 18After four hard years I was tired of vet school and ready to jump into the workforce. I decided to skip an internship, which meant another year of school. Deb, my girlfriend, was incredulous that I was ready to stop my scholastic learning. How did I expect to become a top-notch vet without doing internship? She would be graduating next year and was already contemplating where she would apply for her internship. “I can practice legally because I have a license, I reminded her. “But you haven’t developed the skillset to do a good job,” she insisted. “That’s why it’s imp...
2020-10-1015 min
The Inconvenient GoddessYuni and the Magi: IG PC12“The talisman that came from Ištar’s womb is an ankh; Ištar is bringing the gods of Egypt with her. The ankh is a symbol of life itself to our Egyptian friends and the reason the Yezidi priests are sure she is Ištar. If this is so, we will be outnumbered. This is my great fear.”
“Then it is even more imperative that you see her yourself. Dastur, you are the most powerful high priest west of the Zagros.”
“I am not allowed inside Ištar’s Lalish temple, my Queen. It is fruitless for me to try.”
“Who decided...
2020-10-1006 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe New Veterinarian: FOF 17Today I’m returning to my circle of knowledge theory: Learn-it, Do-it, Teach-it. Passing California state boards gave me the legal license to practice the trade I’d been studying four years. It was the culmination of a dream I’d held for the previous 10 years. And finding a job in Paso Robles brought me into the second part of my life’s cycle of knowledge, the Do-it phase. I was ready and eager to apply the knowledge I’d mastered.
2020-10-0727 min
The Inconvenient GoddessJourney to Nineveh: IG PC11Tušratta stood for a while as they made their way along the rough, muddy, slushy corridor. Forty chariots protected the four vehicles. Sometimes the chariots were driven two by two; next to one another but the bad weather left the road in poor condition. Today the procession trudged along in single file, digging deeper and deeper ruts into the beige colored mud.
The carts frequently tipped sideways, slowing down when their wheels fell into one mud and water-filled pothole after another. The snow cover from the previous night couldn’t decide whether to stay or go.
They spent an une...
2020-10-0711 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentFinding a Job: FOF 16Graduation from vet school was approaching. I passed the state boards. Now, it was time to find a job. At first, I interviewed with vet practices within 60 miles of Davis because I wanted to continue my live-in relationship with Debbie. Dissatisfied with those opportunities I expanded my search area and accepted a job as an associate veterinarian on the central coast of California. The town was Paso Robles, a five-hour drive from Davis.
2020-10-0617 min
The Inconvenient GoddessIštar Stirs: IG PC10This simple act of concentration made Katie's head pound. Her eyes glazed over, and she drifted, merely listening. The woman continued washing Katie, letting her know she was there for her.
Katie tried to speak, but her mouth was so dry. She licked her lips softly and said hello in Diné, the language she learned first her native Navajo tongue. “Yá'át'ééh.”
The woman with the washcloth stopped and leaned into her.
Did she understand her? Katie expanded her hello. “Yá'át'ééh shidine'é. Shí éí Katie Reynolds yinishyé. Táchii'nii Diné éí nishłį. Bilagáana dine'é éí báshíshchíín. Hashtł'ishnii dine'é éí...
2020-10-0308 min
The Inconvenient GoddessWaššukanni: IG PC9“I am sorry to report this, your Majesty, but the first shipment has been stopped.”
Yuni was shocked. “What do you mean, stopped, Nizer?” she yelled.
“The dye was stolen somewhere between Kadesh and Qatna.” Nizer held his ground as he was very familiar with his queen's quick temper.
“Then move more troops into Qatna!” Yuni demanded. “What is Akizzi doing about this?” She asked. Akizzi was another relative and the ruler of Qatna.
“Akizzi has Qatna well-fortified. The problem is the lawless region between Baalbek and Qatna.”
“Have Kikkuli position more troops in Qatna,” Yuni replied. Kikkuli, the famous horse trainer was Yuni’s ace...
2020-10-0211 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentLamark Col: FOF 8My next chapter describes our backtracking trip in the California high sierras. The trip was in the middle of summer, yet we were glad we packed an ice axe otherwise we'd never make it over Lamarck Glacier into Evolution Valley, a prehistoric place one expected to see dinosaurs. I'd never hiked to a higher attitude than I did when Martha and I took our brothers and sisters on an eight-day backpacking trip over Lamarck Col into Darwin Canyon and Evolution Valley. Gigantic boulders were strewn haphazardly along the desolate side of the glaciered col. The canyon we hiked into was...
2020-10-0118 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentSea Monster: FOF 7With the increased income from my x-ray technician job Martha and I moved from her apartment into our own rental, a cottage on the Newport Beach bluffs where I found time to scuba dive. I’d meet up with a buddy, and we’d drive to our diving spot. Usually parking on the bluffs 50 feet above the water, we'd change into our wetsuits, strap our weight belts around our waist and jiggle heavy oxygen cylinders onto our back. Holding our masks, snorkels, fins, and other diving gear in our hands we’d carefully descend the cliffs to the beach. On the pa...
2020-10-0121 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentA New Relationship: FOF 15I found a studio apartment available after September first, so I put in a deposit. After my disastrous bike trip, I had just a few days to move things from Martha’s house to my little place in town, ready to begin a new school year. My final year of vet school began with Equine Reproduction and Equine Surgery specialties. I was scheduled for overnight duty in the barns as part of my rotation where I met a pretty brunette junior student named Debbie, assigned to assist me on medication rounds.
2020-10-0118 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentX-Ray Technician: FOF 6Putting the Suzanne debacle behind me, I developed a relationship with Martha, another pre-veterinary student attending UC Irvine, and moved into her apartment during my senior year at UCI. Following graduation, I took a full-time position as the x-ray technician at Grand Avenue Pet Hospital. It was a great opportunity. Being an x-ray tech at an animal hospital would look great on my vet school application. And I was lucky to land the position despite the fact I had no qualifications for the job nor any previous experience with an x-ray machine. My learning experience was a hands-on approach where...
2020-09-3017 min
The Inconvenient GoddessRobbers: IG PC8Abdi’aširta, Aziru's father, was a muscular, bronze-skinned, black-haired Amorite. He and eight of his men were surreptitiously following the camel caravan that had recently left Baalbek. They were recognized as dye traders by his point men, and he knew they carried a prize worth stealing.
The dye traders hired the camels to enable them to skirt the Qadesh plains quickly. It was a lawless region at the edge of both Egyptian and Mitanni reach. Now four powers were tugging at Qadesh. Besides the old love and hate relationship between Mitanni and Egyptian might, the Hittites pushed down from the...
2020-09-3004 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentAm I Wasting My Time? FOF 5Experiencing overwhelmingly positive feelings about my Saturdays doing veterinary work on horses with Dr. Seeley I branched further into the veterinary profession. Following Doc Seeley’s advice, I found another tag-along position with Dr. Walton, a dairy veterinarian in Norco, California. With my career yearnings on course I returned to ladies in my life. Seeing a distant idea as a possibility, my ADHD mind hyper-focused on long-shot opportunity, fixating the thought into my daily mantra while blocking common sense from dimming my new Wizard of Oz mirage.
2020-09-2733 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentI Lose My Faith: FOF 3Disenchanted with my family and feeling lost and adrift in high school, I jumped into religion head first expecting to find life's purpose. However, my blind faith disintegrated as I realized the hope I placed in a divine creator didn't fulfill my needs.
2020-09-2724 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentPerfume and Gasoline: FOF 2Hello, this is James Aarons the ADHD Author and Veterinarian coming to you with a new podcast I call Perfume and Gasoline. It’s about being under the teenage spell of surging hormones. Last episode I introduced ya’ll to Susie my first horse, but I failed to emphasize Melody, my first girlfriend. Without Mel I would never have thought to bring a horse into my life. I was living in Fountain Valley, next to Huntington Beach, the surfing capital of the world, according to many local surfers at the time. The area’s focus was on water sports not four-l...
2020-09-2725 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentPeople Got To Be Free: FOF 4Abandoning my church beliefs, I glommed onto my college interactions to find a much-needed sense of security. At USC I used my religious mantle as a reason to make no friends. UCI was different. Reevaluating both religious and marriage beliefs I refocused on college, seeking like-minded thinkers. Half were young women seeking to develop a profession in medical sciences, and was drawn into new relationships to the dismay of my young wife.
2020-09-2729 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentI Become a Cowboy: FOF 1My first podcast starts with the story of my first horse Susie. Because of Susie I met a fellow who introduced me to the coolest career possibility: Dr. Seeley was a horse doctor.
2020-09-2622 min
The Inconvenient GoddessAncient Baalbek: IG PC7“Girgous, I have received word from Abdi’aširta,” Sonia said excitedly. “His son Aziru will meet with you in Baalbek.”
“Is he sending an escort, or should I find a man to travel with?”
“He asked me to show you the way. He really wants to talk to you. He…”
“I am immediately uncomfortable,” Girgous interrupted. “We will not be well protected, a scribe, and a servant woman?”
“We will go as husband and wife, Girgous. Amina suggested this,” Sonia quickly added when she saw his scowl deepen. Amina nodded her head in agreement. “However, we will go dressed as simple Amurru, not as a royal sc...
2020-09-2618 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Bike Trip: FOF 14Today we’re riding the Amtrak rails from Sacramento, California to Seattle, Washington, the starting point of my soul-searching bicycle journey along Pacific Coast Highway. I’m not sure if this was a time of reflection or escape, probably both. Fresh off the rejection I received from Sandy, and hoping to rekindle my relationship with Martha, I booked a train ticket looking forward to a two-week-long bike trip along Pacific Coast Highway from Seattle to San Francisco. A blonde acquaintance asked to come along. I was hesitant because this was to be a time to reflect and grow but relented, anot...
2020-09-2518 min
The Inconvenient GoddessGubla, Ancient Byblos IG PC5Remember those ghostly images Katie saw when she was visiting modern day Byblos with Rene? The apparitions came from the same place, 3,000 years earlier when Byblos, then called Gubla, was under control of the Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaten. Gubla was a major connection stop between Egypt and Mesopotamia, which was being torn apart by the war between the Hittites and the Mitanni. And there was the local Amurru nuisance. Being an Egyptian outpost, Gubla was not as protected as places closer to the Pharaoh. The further from Egypt a place was the more vulnerable it became to local turmoil. One band...
2020-09-2419 min
The Inconvenient GoddessAncient Lalish: IG PC4Katie was badly injured from the grenade blast and was lucky to arrive at a place where people had the knowledge and desire to nurse an ailing stranger from near-death wounds. Even more fortuitous was the fact the place she appeared was the Goddess’s Ishtar’s cella, a holy place no one but priests are allowed to enter.
2020-09-2416 min
The Inconvenient GoddessAncient Goddess : IG PC3It takes a different mindset to bring a horse to your side without reverting to punishment born of frustration, and Katie had successfully accomplished this in front of a contingent of chariot warriors. Kikkuli, the great horse master of the Mitanni kingdom was very impressed with Katie’s horse skills as he watched her tame Apollyon. Likewise, Katie understood this man as calm, patient, and receptive to her. They bonded.
2020-09-2409 min
The Inconvenient GoddessAmarna, Egypt: IG PC6In Amarna, Egypt, Pharaoh Akhenaten and his wife, Nefertiti waited with Pahannate, the commissioner of Canaan and Amurru for the scribe to unwrap the latest tablet from Gubla. Akhenaten was a handsome king, a bit over six feet tall. The dark-skinned ruler had curly black hair and a long, slender face, with flashing dark brown eyes. He knew all about Gubla's mayor, Rib-Hadda, whose name came up often in Amenhotep III, Akhenaten's father’s court.
“What was that last worry Rib-Hadda wrote about?” Pharaoh queried Nefertiti.
“He complains Abdi’aširta acts as though he were the Mitanni King and the Kassite...
2020-09-2411 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentDeveloping Sensitivity: FOF 13Today I’m sharing an emotionally devastating period when Martha, a woman I lived with for three years, left me, saying she needed a break. In my immaturity I failed to give Martha the calm and loving reassurance everyone seeks. Martha was suffocating. Trapped inside a one-sided relationship whose future had never been clarified. When Martha left I fell apart. Resolving to remedy my deficiency by better understanding the fairer sex I began an intensive crash course to find my missing sensitivity. Searching Martha’s bookshelf, I studied two of her books: The Bleeding Heart and the Art of Loving.
2020-09-2332 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentVeterinary School Experiences: FOF 12Today I’m sharing my veterinary school days, when my three-step cycle of knowledge of ‘learn it’, ‘do it’, ‘teach it’ metamorphosed into the ‘do-it’ stage. My four years of focused learning were exciting and challenging. I was excited when I was able to use my hard-earned scientific foundation to help animals and challenged as I stumbled more than once in my case management.
2020-09-2026 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentWrong Way Love: FOF 11What happens to a person who finds his life’s answers with the first girl he meets, sets up the wedding, and suddenly decides he’s with the wrong girl? Wow, what a concept: falling out of love! I followed my hormonal urges to get close to a woman and looked forward to a life together. But, after putting all my eggs in Mel’s basket, I realized I wasn’t ready to settle. Although I married Mel with my holiest and heartfelt feelings there were many things I had not thought through. These demons surfaced when I changed colleges and star...
2020-09-1721 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentMoving to California FOF 10Relocating to California was the final move I made with my nine-member family. Pursuing job promotions Dad moved the family every three years or so, signing on with new companies needing him elsewhere. First, we moved from Chicago, Illinois to Cleveland, Ohio, then on to Detroit, Michigan; next East Rockaway, New York, then Arlington Heights, Illinois, and finally, Fountain Valley, California.
Each move created a problem for me, initially pushing me out of favor with the new kids because of my ADHD and my different mannerisms. Each struggle to fit in with peers was at first disastrous, but ultimately I...
2020-09-1231 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentThe Outlaw FOF 9Fear of failing is a two-edged sword, beneficial on the front edge because the worry can propel you forward, but deadly on the back edge because the same fear can paralyze. And, as with any situation involving an ADHD mind, both the fear and the anticipation are magnified a hundred times. Hence, my mental chaos.
I hope you find my podcasts entertaining and informative.
The first chapter, Being in Danger of Leading a Lewd, Idle, and Desolate Life, finds me in jail, arrested on suspicion of distributing an illegal substance.
2020-09-0817 min
Fear of Failure, a Lifelong Search for Love and FulfillmentFear of Failure TrailerThe autobiographical work “Fear of Failure” documents the life and times of James Aarons, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. It is a bold, uncensored look at the struggles of a young man looking for fulfillment in his profession and love in his life. Dr. Aarons pulls no punches and makes no excuses as he charmingly writes his way through his life’s journey. It is an effort that took great courage to write, and took even greater courage for his wife to permit him to do so. Most of all, this book is full of hope. The author’s self-disclosure is at once...
2020-09-0401 min