Shows
Raised WrongWe're ADD Years Old Feat. Emily TowersHi, I'm Jeanne. And this is Raised Wrong, a podcast about our ADHD, your ADHD, and ADHD things in general, featuring the hilarious and scattered mind of my former roommate and current mom/tv writer Emily Towers. We also discuss the television shows we're watching on Paramount+ and Apple TV+, mother guilt, commercials, coyotes, underpants, and more. We do not discuss politics because I edited those parts out. And to ring in the new year, we revisit a Cosmo article entitled "5 Naughty Ways to Start 2003" which sounds a lot sexier than it is.
2025-01-271h 17
Raised WrongDisney DumpingFirst, an important update about the way we podcast! Then, Jessica does a deep dive into the uproar about Disney changing their Disability Access Service (and the Disney adults who are screaming and shaking and shitting about it). Other topics discussed include HBO’s Julia, audiobooks (Irish), aging gracefully like Isabella Rossellini, Prison Brides, and more. Plus, a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us 5 “stealth new signs that he’s cheating.” God help us. And finally, the hardest FMK we’ve ever done: 3 men who are not trash.
2024-04-251h 04
Raised WrongEverything I've Ever Accomplished in Life is From SpiteA lot of questions are answered in this episode: "Why do we exercise? Why do we drink? Would we be good gay dads? WHO IS EATING THE SUN???" And the one question that's on everyone's mind..."How many calories does holding a drink for 20 minutes burn?" Other topics discussed include Everyone Gets Divorced, nachos, getting blasted by lasers, Raized Wrong Productions, UTIs, Trans Easter, and 'art.' Plus an October 2010 Cosmo gives us the "ability" to burn an extra 305 calories a week. And finally, we FMK three very real things that Joe Biden controls.17:25 - JG Horny (p...
2024-04-111h 09
Raised WrongMommy is Scary w/ Jessica RowlandStepmother of the pod Jessica is back and she's got some gripes! Topics discussed include the phonetic alphabet, Venmo transactions, ghost kitchens, amphetamines, dipping sauces, cyber trucks, embryos, women's sports, and so much more. Plus, a 2009 Cosmopolitan magazine unlocks the secrets to getting hit on "all the time" and they are...not what you'd expect. And finally, in honor of Jeanne's 40th birthday, a very special/disgusting 1984-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.15:22 - Giving people money19:51 - New slang22:54 - Ghost kitchens28:43 - JG Horny (ranch)33:00 - JR Horny (pharmaceuticals)44:54...
2024-03-281h 47
Raised WrongI Used To Be Young! w/ Emily TaorminaLong-time patriot and Type-A friend Emily Taormina joins Jeanne on the pod this week! Topics discussed include the millennial lol, cutting onions, Crocs, botox alternatives, woes of the Pacific Northwest, Swedish candy, Jude Law, milk, and so much more. An October 2005 Cosmo article about giving your man attention so he doesn't cheat on you causes us to question what the meaning of the word "pamper" is. And finally, the three most popular Girl Scout Cookies get f**ked, married, and killed. (Plus, a special message from Stepmother of the Pod, Jessica!)Segments:00:14:10 - Gripe (J...
2024-03-141h 24
Raised WrongWhy Give Women Names? w/ Julia VickermanJeanne and special guest Julia Vickerman (artist/writer/lover/director) get to know one another and trauma bond over the horror that is a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine. Topics discussed include foster dogs, tattoos, mewing, turning 40, movies where the ocean is the villain, dog dentists, cat eating disorders, Love Island UK All Stars, MGMT’s new album, orca whales, the great (imaginary) ketchup wars, and so much more! A Cosmo article entitled "What He Really Says About You To His Friends" is so much worse than you can imagine. And finally, 3 of the 4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get f***ked, married, and...
2024-02-291h 27Raised WrongCosmo Mini: Sexy Honeymoon SurprisesA June 2003 wedding issue of Cosmopolitan magazine gives us some "naughty newlywed tips to keep your guy guessing" and we are legally obligated to discourage you from trying them out.
2024-02-0610 min
Raised WrongI Saw Mommy Drop Kicking Santa Claus w/ Ava WilliamsYour friendly neighborhood Ava (Williams) is back and we've got ! Topics include orange foods, cyber bullying (light), audiobooks and the Libby app, wool (give it a shot), Baldur's Gate, gift guides, pervy male authors, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us tips and tricks for not killing the snowboarding boyfriend we apparently hate because that would ruin Christmas or Hannukah! And finally we F**k, Marry, & Kill 3 mainstays of holiday decorations. Caution this episode contains *SPOILERS* for holiday classic The Haunted by Bentley Little, so hurry up and finish reading it before you listen to this one...
2023-12-221h 37
Raised WrongEating Ribs With Your Fingers Over Candlelight w/ Jessica RowlandOops! All Internet Dumbs! Jessica’s back after a 5-month hiatus and we talk about very current events like the Titan submersible implosion, the death of Sean Connery, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, and Gary Larson’s The Far Side. Other topics include CAPTCHA, Bing.com, more Bing.com, going to the dentist, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan's "Great Ways to Spend a Weekend With Him" will have you eating giant paninis and boning at your friend's house next Saturday night. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three times of day. Yeah, we did th...
2023-11-061h 18
Raised WrongWho Killed Mr. Rogers? w/ Ava WilliamsLet's give a warm Raised Wrong welcome to special guest/artist/neighbor/friend/copywriter Ava Williams! Topics include advertising, Jeanne’s 3rd grade music teacher, an update on walking, Bob Odenkirk, coffee (is it bad?), pepperoncinis (is that how you say it?), peanut butter and the state of journalism, being a jock, nausea (is it worse than itchy??), and more. Plus, we discuss "Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want" from a 2008 Cosmopolitan magazine and...wow. And finally a clever little neighbor-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill. Main Stories:00:09:30 - Another walking up...
2023-09-191h 34
Raised WrongShe Said, She Shed, He Wants to Get Naked (w/ Emily Towers)Topics include she sheds, strike life, Free Solo, Brittany Murphy, the Lawrence brothers (woah!), the Property Brothers, Tom Cruise, and a *BIG* update to the "Jeanne walks" saga. Plus, we learn(?) a lot about decoding men's facial expressions from a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine, and we do an impromptu deep-dive into a former Cosmopolitan features editor. (We support you, Beth!) And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill present-day Joey, Matthew, & Andy Lawrence. Main Stories 00:11:40 - Update: "Are you a walker?"00: 24:40 -Lawrence brothers Pt. 101:04:30 - Cosmo advice: "6 Signals His Face is Sending You" (2005)01:40:30 - F...
2023-08-281h 46
Raised WrongYoung Ladies of a Certain Age w/ Emily TowersThe writers may be striking but that won't stop them for podcasting! This month, Jeanne and special guest/dear friend/former roommate Emily Towers go deep on topics including dentistry/orthodontia, biking to work, wearing eyeglasses, raising confident girls, Kevin Costner, and so much more. Plus, we find the advice to guys in a 20-year-old Cosmo to be almost passable! And finally, we f**k/marry/kill the most old-millennial trio from TGIF: the dads of Full House. BTW, visit www.raisedwrongpod.com to leave us a voicemail about pioneers or something.
2023-07-281h 21Raised Wrong"IS SHE OKAY???" w/ Jessica RowlandYou're in for a treat because *this* podcast is hosted by two, yes, TWO, dumb bitches. Topics include where have you been, being a slut for running, divorce (ever heard of it?), "the Curious Case of Natalia Grace" (*SPOILERS*), Aunt Jemima (RIP), the newly autistic Sia, and so much more. Plus, a less-than-a-decade-old Cosmopolitan magazine tries and fails to teach us the art of "sexting." And finally, we play a carnival-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill. **If you must know, the Natalia Grace segment last from about 36:00 to 50:00.
2023-06-301h 39Raised WrongMaxin' It Out in the Sack w/ Paul BonannoTopics include “in this house” signs, the song Bette Davis Eyes, the new Dune trailer, the Great North, cats (good & bad), Marjorie Taylor Green, ”digital only fashion”, and some real talk about the Handmaid’s Tale (tv). Plus, a 2006 Cosmo tells us ladies to stop nagging and let our guys be “quirky.” And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three famous “Roses”…in honor of our mothers.*This episode is dedicated to Arnold the cat (and not Danny).
2023-05-301h 25Raised WrongSquishmallows & Satan w/ Paul BonannoHappy Women's History Month, St. Patrick's Day, & April Fools Day! Don't freak out, but Jeanne and a very special guest host (Paul Bonanno) had a very important conversation about ex-satanic wizards. Topics include bowling, Squishmallows, Catholicism, periodontal surgery, and a whole lot of satanic wizardry. Plus, for better or worse (it's worse), a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine tells us some "Surprising Signs He's INTO You." And finally, a special F**k/Marry/Kill with the three most famous "Pauls".
2023-04-031h 26Raised WrongGreta Thunberg Claps BackTopics include holiday air travel, a number of Britneys, Andrew Tate, Pete Davidson, the movie Bad Santa, ex-houses, American Girl dolls, and getting a friends fired from their job…out of love. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us what could very loosely be described as “advice” for getting your man to RACE home to you at night. And finally, we play our funniest and most controversial game of F**k/Marry/Kill. And the answers? Will shock you.
2023-01-111h 45
Raised Wrong"Keanu Reeves still walks among us..."Topics include holiday movies, Kathy Bates, Elon Musk (again), free speech, exciting Raised Wrong Pod news, TikTok surgeons, terrible parents & tiny baby instagram influencers, the imaginary Matthew Perry/Keanu Reeves feud, some strong feelings about Marvel movies, and lots of gift giving wisdom. Plus, we travel back in time to December 2005 for Cosmopolitan magazine’s guide to unwrapping the meaning behind HIS gift. And finally we f**k, we marry, and we kill 3 festive activities and the answers? Might surprise you.Visit our new website and check out the Official 2022 Raised Wrong Gift Guide!
2022-12-161h 26Raised WrongElon Musk and the Terrible, Horrible No Good, Very Bad Day on TwitterWe're back!! Topics include grocery shopping on Thanksgiving Eve, Elon Musk & the Twitter Blue debacle, French, a very deep dive into Replika (a sex-geared AI chatbot), Jeanne’s favorite (so far) episode of Law & Order SVU (Season 11 SPOILERS), Saturday morning Cycle Bar, passive aggressive emojis, Patriot Mobile, and some real advice about spending holidays with the racist in-laws. PLUS, a Dec. 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine advises us on “How to Handle His Flare-Ups." And finally we F*k/Marry/Kill, 3 cringe millennial words.
2022-11-301h 462022-11-1807 minRaised WrongPearl Parties & Beach BodiesThis is a very special episode in which Jeanne & Jessica record from the SAME closet and oh what fun they had! Many wonderful topics were discussed including ESPIONage, child doctors, pregnant frogs, canned bread, Mussolini, pronouns, and more. And if you’re a little freak for ASMR, you’re in for a treat. Warning: this episode but may not be suitable for listeners who are involved in multi-level marketing.
2022-08-2553 minRaised WrongSoy Boy Cuck Chris Hemsworth Shuns MeatTopics include COVID-19 (ever heard of it?), allergies, outer space, Elon Musk, anosmia, Roe v. Wade (kind of), the prison wives of TikTok, HBO Max, public libraries, math, high heels & average-sized men, and Chris Hemsworth's meat sandwich. Plus, a 2005 Cosmo prepares you for when your boyfriend drops a BOMBSHELL. And finally, we honor three cliche tattoos by playing F**k/Marry/Kill with them.This episode is dedicated to Paulie Walnuts aka Tony Sirico.
2022-08-101h 16Raised WrongFeels Bad Feels Dirty Feels Upsetting!Topics include feet pics, animal bullies, targeted ads, Billy Joel, rating hotness on a curve, fictional nurses, fireworks, and the Supreme Court. Plus, a 2005 Cosmo provides confusing advice about keeping your autonomy, even in a relationship with someone who doesn't know about carburetors. And finally, we play a truly disgusting edition of F**k/Marry/Kill with the 3 worst Supreme Court Justices.
2022-07-181h 23Raised WrongBreasts that had vanished without a traceTopics include Target, body negativity, fitness apps, men & menstruation, the Jif peanut butter recall, noodles, men writing about women's tits, John Mulaney & rickshaws, Catholicism, and so much more. Plus a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine teaches you how to pretend to want to have sex with your man. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three of Jessica's favorite candy bars.
2022-06-171h 34Raised WrongIs kissing the new rim job?The dumb bitches are back! Topics include careers, coffee, sausages, billionaires, Teslas, kissing, husbands’ shoes, quite possibly the worst reality show ever made, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine teaches us to stealthily touch our collarbones for whatever reason. And finally, because we recorded this on Mother’s Day, we F**k/Marry/Kill three of our favorite hot moms. The answers? Will shock you.
2022-05-191h 22Raised WrongCleavage Pillow Teddy BearTopics include going off your meds, the Tinder Swindler, 3 Men & A Baby, Powerpoint sex presentations, short man Reddit, booby wrinkles, how babies are made, and why lying's okay. Plus, a 2008 Cosmo equates putting things in someone's pockets to real intimacy. And finally, a Valentine's-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2022-02-141h 35Raised WrongUnexplainable Giant TitsFirst episode of 2022!! Topics include War & Peace, permanent makeup, plastic surgery, hit 2004 television show Wife Swap, balloon boy, being a whore for brands on social media, veterans & pregnant people, grocery store virtue signaling, and calling off weddings. Plus, 45 Ways to Get Even Closer To Him from a truly terrible 2008 Cosmo. And finally, we f**k, marry, and kill some "winter celebrities."
2022-02-021h 49Raised WrongHappy Xmas (I'm kicking your son in the dick)Topics include Home Alone, singing at babies, holiday depression, wearing your own merch, zebras, getting in fights at Disney World, and the demographics of Diet Coke drinkers. Plus a very special edition of terrible advice: terrible Kotex advice. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill some weird ass Christmas traditions.
2021-12-281h 38Raised WrongJohn Equipmentfixer and the Macy's Day ParadeTopics include movie trailers, mushrooms, Michael Clayton, being tired, being mad, NordicTrack, the Contact Lens King, Timothée Chalamet, 'unskilled’ workers, Elon Musk, and the New York City clown community. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine lets us know that it’s okay to have conversations with other humans, even if they’re women. And finally, a Thanksgiving tradition-inspired game of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-11-191h 37Raised WrongI don't want to talk about my mateysMerry Halloween, patriots! Topics include falafel, primates, inflatables, yelling at children, tacos, wood with a past (Jessica’s viral TikTok), writers with thesauruses, things being “too much”, self-diagnosing, Mean Girls, butter, and more. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine warns us about getting tattoos and flashing our nips on television. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 classic Halloween costumes.
2021-11-011h 44Raised WrongWe're all going to beep you in the beepTopics include Eleanor Roosevelt and Amelia Earhart, gossip. Boomer comedians for Boomers, horse-punching energy, a warning about Gilbert Gottfried cameos, sex-ed for grown-ass men, John Mulaney and parasocial relationships, the Iron Cowboy, narcissists, and so much secondhand embarrassment. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine helps us feel better about our "female behaviors." And finally, a seasonal basic bitch edition of F**k/Marry/Kill where we try to answer the age-old question, "How does seasons work?"
2021-10-071h 50Raised WrongI will dabble in smut.Topics include American cheese, charcuterie, Subway the restaurant, Jeanne's first and last real piece of writing, Jessica's legions of TikTok fans, men with daughters, a man and his dick, Stan Shunpike, and the *dangers* of masking children. Plus, a June 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine teaches us how to ask for a beach shack or a raise in the final installment of "How To Be Ballsier." And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three of the best COVID-19 vaccine side effects.
2021-09-161h 20Raised WrongPeanut Butter Slabs, Rainbow Flags & MAGA HatsA very back-to-school edition of Raised Wrong. Topics include ear piercing, Oodles Babies, fighting with men, appreciating Gen-Z, English teachers, the dad-first mentality, Dr. Phil & catfishing, rainbow flags, and critical thinking. Plus, a June 2003 Cosmopolitan ends up blowing our minds with FEMINISM. And finally, a school-lunch themed F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-08-301h 31Raised WrongRighteously angry & manically highTopics include being home alone, monogamous tattoo artists, the Cleveland Guardians, Aunt Jemima, Love Island UK, Rhode Island, lovemaking, and hatemaking. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine instructs us on how to speak to a hot guy. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 summer-fun activities
2021-08-111h 38Raised WrongMan vs. HorseTopics include America, hotel gyms, the Hard Rock Cafe, fruity drinks, hot air balloons, parasailing, bad coworkers, and internet geniuses. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine helps us talk to a maitre'd. And finally we play a Summer Olympics edition of F**k/Marry/Kill with 3 weird sports.
2021-07-281h 33Raised WrongRaised Wrong "Live"LIVE (but not really) from the AC Marriott in Dublin, Ohio, we honestly raise more questions about hotels than we answer! Topics include bibles, ice machines, emergency exits, black lights, waxing, Sha'Carri Richardson (after the news), juicy beef burgers, and more. Plus, a hotel-themed version of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-07-1538 minRaised WrongDo birds have dicks?Topics include canceled plans, bird parts, cicadas, Gilbert Gottfried, Sha’Carri Richardson (before the news), kooky psychiatrists (part II), and the immortal Cole Beasley. Plus, a June 2003 Cosmo teaches us how to be "ballsier." And finally, a daddy-themed edition of F*ck/Marry/Kill.
2021-07-071h 49Raised WrongThe Jeff Bezos of DucksTopics include tooth-brushing, pussy quadrants, roller skates AND blades, $400 bikinis, Lexapro, influencer mommies, Clay Aiken, and the true meaning of Memorial Day. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan blows ours minds regarding THRILL-SEEKING STUDS (aka pirates). And we play a sort of creepy fast food edition of F**k/Marry/Kill. AND the birth of a NEW Raised Wrong segment???
2021-06-091h 37Raised WrongWhat is a "book" anyway?We're back! Wow. Topics include drive-through vaccinations, how not to write a book, being naked at the dermatologist, living your best life with botox, tiny houses, stupid computers, veterinary medicine, and “I didn’t know I was pregnant” stories. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us an absolutely psychotic list of 16 things not to “blab on and on about.” And finally, the long-awaited billionaire edition of F**k/Marry/Kill starring Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk.
2021-05-121h 40Raised WrongTight Hips & Magic TricksTopics include the deep state plot against Matt Gaetz, TMG (too much guacamole), dentists, plastic surgery, shelf butts, vaccine theatre, and a desperate plea for you to join TikTok. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us the scoop on why guys dump us! And finally, a Kardashian-themed F**k/Marry/Cill.
2021-04-211h 43Raised WrongAn Easter Carol (sponsored by Ativan)Topics include birthday presents (good & bad), sleep complaining, Ativan and more Ativan, fancy face serums, Botox, AirPods Pro, Lil Nas X, runaway dogs, and libertarian anti-feminists. Plus, a Cosmopolitan magazine from 2003 encourages us to create our own signature sex move. And finally, we play an Easter-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-04-071h 30Raised WrongA One-Way Ticket To The Loony BinWARNING: This episode, while very hilarious, contains content related to depression and suicidal thoughts. Other fun topics include opossums, Jessica's ass, Operation Varsity Blues: The Movie, Jeni's Everything Bagel ice cream, permanent Daylight Saving, and Pepé Le Pew. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us priceless advice on bonding with our man (over farts). And finally, we circle back to a corporate buzzword edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-03-291h 43Raised WrongThe Robin Hood of Bullying (numbers is math)Topics include sweatshirts (as per usual), Tyra Banks, birthdays, baked Cheetos, bullying, the C-word, blood, more blood, divorce, and Dr. Seuss. Plus, a continuation of some very beverage-based relationship advice from a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine. And finally, a “canceled by conservatives” edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-03-101h 38Raised WrongNudity is not a problem for meTopics include puzzles, massages, Nextdoor, stealing cars, friendship, Bridgerton, #nomakeup, nudes, staring at babies, guns, and potatoes. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine encourages us to go to the opera and drink lots of juice in order to get closer to our MAN. And finally, a very special Women's History Month edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-03-041h 34Raised WrongFree Britney, BitchTopics include driver's tests, trumpets, the movie Castaway starring Tom Hanks, vagina hair lasers, snow days, the Britney Spears documentary, skinny jeans, soggy jeans, and yoga pants. Plus, we learn 2 mindblowingly stupid tricks to “make him ACHE for you” from a 2006 Cosmopolitan magazine. And finally, a distasteful Presidents Day edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-02-181h 31Raised WrongMark Zuckerberg Was Very Unfair To MeTopics include Facebook, Doogie Howser, M.D., smoothies, GameStop, ring lights, Thinx poison panties, anti-vaxxers, Honda Civics, learning to stepparent, Vanna White, Mitt Romney’s hair, and marriage resumes. Plus, a 2003 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us some rock solid advice on how to make someone say, “I love you.” And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 of the most glorious informercial products.
2021-02-111h 28Raised WrongWhat would Lady Gaga do?Topics include Larry King, tiny foods, giant hoodies (Part III), dry streaks, Shake Shack, more senseless tattoos, the national anthem, the New York Times, and how to know when you need a divorce. Plus, 10 things you should NEVER do in your guy’s pad, courtesy of a Cosmopolitan magazine from the year 2003. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill our 3 least favorite months.
2021-02-021h 28Raised WrongUnimaginable. Disgraceful. Shocking.Topics include giant hoodies (Part II), bone broth, the 1 Second Everyday app, seasonal depression, being rejected by Matt LeBlanc, saying adieu to Parler, the insurrection, and fighting over NFL football. Plus, we give you 3 out of the 50 Ways To Be A Better Girlfriend from a 2005 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three of the trendiest millennial foods.
2021-01-181h 18Raised WrongWhat did Alec Baldwin know and when did he know it?Happy new year! Topics include giant hoodies for tiny little babies, Jeanne's new favorite food, the sexy side of the Great British Baking Show, having a personality on ANTM, Juice WRLD & know-it-all old men, how to take nudie pics, and Hilaria Baldwin. Plus, some timeless advice on online dating, written in 2004. And finally, we play a Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2021-01-081h 29Raised WrongWhat is saucepan? What is love?Topics include getting dressed, the Babybel cheese family, more cheeses, the lesbian Christmas movie, Ben Shapiro (again), DR. Jill Biden the doctor, and Olivia Jade breaking the silence. Plus, some *very* special advice from the not unacclaimed 2004 book, “How to Make Someone Love You In 90 Minutes Or Less.” And finally, our last Christmas-themed F**k/Marry/Kill of the year: Bob Cratchit, Ebenezer Scrooge, and the Ghost of Christmas Future.
2020-12-211h 23Raised WrongF**k You, SantaTopics include Christmas trees, Hillbilly Elegy, bronzer, the magic of Etsy, ACDC, the disappointment of LinkedIn, the aging of America’s Next Top Model, and the importance of treating one’s self. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine tries to convince us, once again, that dopamine is a magical love potion. And finally, we we F**k/Marry/Kill three (what’s the opposite of beloved?) Christmas songs.
2020-12-101h 16Raised WrongGRIPESGIVING GRIPETACULAR!Topics include the duality of gripes, Sia the musical artist, water bottle pants, rough mitts, TML (too many likes), senseless tattoos, and rich Santa. Plus, Cosmopolitan magazine advises us to trick men into loving us by playing a non-existent game of 20 Questions. And finally, a Gripesgiving food-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2020-11-301h 22Raised WrongOOPS ALL ELECTION!Topics in this very special election episode include phone banking, Rudy Giuliani, Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Chris Cuomo, Jake Tapper, freedom fries, Parler, and granny panties. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine, once again, confusingly advises us on how to keep a 27-year-old man happy for some reason. And finally, we cap it all off with a special flipped-state election edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2020-11-191h 16Raised WrongInvoking PinocchioTopics include ASMR, TikTok teens, daylight savings, Borat 2, the Magic School Bus, nose positivity, Kevin from math class, Gwen Stefani, our 4 collective marriage proposals, dads, and pencils. Plus, a 2004 Cosmopolitan magazine explains to us that men don’t “do” questions and (predictably) gives us some deranged and useless advice. And finally, we play a disappointing Halloween-themed game of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2020-11-111h 15Raised WrongDick Oats Last ForeverTopics include The Addams Family, needles, seasonal potato snacks, Joey the dog trainer, incompetent people, terrible men, dog sitting, and Palm Pilots. Plus, a Cosmopolitan magazine makes life markedly worse for all millennials. And finally, a terrifying, blonde monster-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.
2020-10-271h 14Raised WrongJon Hamm PantsTopics include prizes, hair journeys, gaslighting, Mike Zuckerbird, sex trafficking, SnackWell's cookies, and flu shots. Plus, a 2000 Cosmopolitan instructs us on how to turn very normal interactions into incredibly damaging mind games. And finally, our best ever F**k/Marry/Kill: the Meat Men.
2020-10-181h 19Raised WrongMajor RagerTopics include regional dialects, hot dummies, the now distant memory of the presidential debates, fancy sheets, a complete history of Jello, departments and/or bureaus of motor vehicles, and hypocrisy. Plus a 20-year-old Cosmopolitan magazine instructs us on how to reward our man for being an insecure, lying dickhead. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 classic Disney movies.
2020-10-101h 17Raised WrongCongratulations, You're F**kingTopics include unicorn chips, Trump's taxes, Bezos’s dick, pineapple on pizza, kids saying the darnedest things, toxic friends, Dwayne 'rock' Johnson, sex currency, and commas. Plus, a 2000 Cosmopolitan magazine tells us what makes men want to hit/prey on us. And we F**k/Marry/Kill three school subjects, none of which are math.
2020-10-021h 16Raised WrongExtended Stay In ParisTopics include food diaries, Paris Hilton's "real" voice, ninja turtles and internalized misogyny, crying while pretty, chronic autism, deathbed wishes, and Starbucks soy boys. Plus, a Cosmopolitan magazine from the year 2000 explains why it’s okay when men can’t acknowledge our birthdays. And we play a shocking game of F**k/Marry/Kill with 3 classic cookie treats.
2020-09-241h 17Raised WrongHow I Met Your PodcasterTopics include disaster preparedness, holiday popcorn, Perry Mason, RuPaul's Drag Race, sleeping in socks, gender reveal fires, and jealous bitches. Plus, a 2004 Cosmo convinces us to change our man’s car clock and trick him into letting us bring him soup. And we F**k/Marry/Kill 3 of history's finest redheads.
2020-09-171h 13Raised WrongChris Rock Alien AbductionTopics include mini strokes, hemoglobin, steak sauce, maps, swimming pools, DUIs, dateaversaries, buying cows, and white asshole men. Plus, a 2004 Cosmo gives us advice on what to do when our man tries to be funny, and we F**k/Marry/Kill three beloved fried potato snacks.
2020-09-091h 16Raised WrongAntifa PizzaTopics include yerba mate, EKG spray tans, sexy chimeras, pornhub subgenres, eating with your eyes, Peloton subgenres, the promises of weed, and Target's hatred of anything appropriate. A 2004 Cosmopolitan teaches us how to "bust out of a sex rut." Plus, inspired by the RNC, our most controversial and traumatizing F**k/Marry/Kill of all time.
2020-09-021h 08Raised WrongWet Ass TwizzlersTopics include stamps, medically necessary wigs, Sir Elton John, itty bitty asteroids, bearded dragons, Bobs, chipping in to build that wall, and tricking your man into seeing a chick flick. Plus, a waiting-themed F**k/Marry/Kill that truly no one could have seen coming.
2020-08-261h 03Raised WrongIt's Worse If You Do A MurderTopics include 90 Day Fiancé, tattoos, so many cereals, Dateline, stupid boring grownup problems, dumping a therapist, moody men (again), and the greatest self-owns in all of history. Plus, we play F**k/Marry/Kill with the board games of our childhoods.
2020-08-191h 11Raised WrongWe're Gonna Have Gills, Bitch!Topics include mascots, pigtails, praise, couples’ massages, gluten free tourism, early mid-life crises, and the theory of evolution. Cosmopolitan magazine teaches us to help our men daydream in a more manageable way and we F**k/Marry/Kill pants, shorts, and skirts.
2020-08-131h 02Raised WrongDeep State SpidersTopics include at-home waxing, St. Ashley, cheese salads, peanut butter debacles, little birdies, and the price of our love ($100). Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine tells us what to do with our mopey men and we play F**k/Marry/Kill with popular baby names of the 1980s.
2020-08-061h 09Raised WrongA Grease Job He'll Never ForgetA very special episode from the Raised Wrong archives, recorded all the way back in early June. Topics include full fat dairy, laws and crimes, the tanning biz, America’s rail system, taste surprises, and the Lord’s prayer. Astonishingly stupid sexy honeymoon tips from Cosmopolitan magazine serve to disgust and delight. And we are forced to F**k/Marry/Kill Mike Brady, Carol Brady, and Alice.
2020-07-2957 minRaised WrongBonus FMK: Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks, & Tom HanksIn this very special edition of F**k/Marry/Kill, we do the unthinkable and decide who will live or die or be banged between Tom Hanks in Apollo 13, Tom Hanks in Sully, and Tom Hanks in A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood.
2020-07-1713 minRaised WrongBonus Short: The First Time You Don't "Do It"Another classic from the Cosmo advice archives in which a very real doctor tells you, the lady, how to make it up to your man when you're not DTF for the first and only time in your relationship.
2020-07-1711 minRaised WrongBonus Short: Flying LessonsFrom the Raised Wrong archives, this mini episode features approximately 10 straight minutes of laughter, exciting roleplay, and quite possibly the absolute worst advice from Cosmopolitan magazine in the year 2001.
2020-07-1711 minRaised WrongWinter NipplesTopics include Stitch Fix (not a sponsor), Advil (not a sponsor), parents (absolutely not a sponsor), cheeseburgers, and summer penises. And we F**k/Marry/Kill ferris wheels, roller coasters, and carousels.
2020-07-1555 minRaised WrongSteamy Circus Sex MovesTopics include shredded cheese, small tits, the horrors of leaving a voicemail, psychological manuals, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and sexcapades. Plus, we do a very patriotic and not at all offensive F**k/Marry/Kill with the Statue of Liberty, Uncle Sam, and a Bald Eagle.
2020-07-071h 07Raised WrongI'm A Dentist NowTopics include sexy penguins, the magic of lasers, outrage porn, and saying no. Plus, an important potato chip update. And we F**k/Marry/Kill the pop stars of our youth. Not (yet) sponsored by Lamictal.
2020-06-291h 00Raised WrongEat Your Goddamn Pancakes (& Shut Up)Topics include syrup, statues, and citronella candles, plus we F**k/Marry/Kill Colonel Sanders, Cap'n Crunch, and the Jolly Green Giant.
2020-06-2359 min