Shows
SexvangelicalsS10E1: How to Say Goodbye WellOver the last four years, we've written podcast episodes about the sex education the church didn't want you to have. One of the most threatening things for a high-control religious system is a goodbye, which results in actual transitions away from these groups that are secretive, forced, and avoidant. In this episode, we describe an intentional, proper goodbye, from the perspective of how we structure intentional final sessions with our clients. Also, this is the last official episode of Sexvangelicals. We ask these six common questions to help us reflect on our Sexvangelicals journey: Where did we start and why? What...
2025-10-1358 min
Deconstructing MamasRecovering Sex - the Sexvangelicals (Julia Postema and Jeremiah Gibson)“There's a misconception that once you leave religion, you magically learn everything you missed about relationships and sex” - The SexvangelicalsOur episode this week is with Jeremiah Gibson and Julia Postema, sex and relationship therapists, coaching and podcast hosts specializing in recovery from high-control religion as it relates to relationships and sexual intimacy.Our conversation is full of candor, surprises and mic-drop moments over and over again. We were blown away by one thing that will leave you wanting more. We chat through these questions:1. Even after all these...
2025-05-201h 16
SexvangelicalsS9E07: Ask a Sex Therapist: What if I Want to Have Sex with Other People? With Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges of This Space Between This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "What if I want to have sex with other people?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges from the practice This Space Between to talk about factors, considerations, and first steps for those interested in opening up their relationship. Join Julia, Jeremiah, Becs, and Jimmy for a rich, thought-provoking conversation about: The numerous options for opening up a relationship. Tolerance for the emotions that c...
2025-05-191h 04
Better Sex289: Navigating Faith Transition as a Couple with Jeremiah Gibson and Julia PostemaIn this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses faith transitions and the impact on intimate relationships with guests Jeremiah Gibson and Julia Postema, co-hosts of the Sex Evangelicals podcast and founders of an international coaching business. They delve into deconstructing purity culture, gender roles, and high-control religions, sharing personal stories and professional insights. They emphasize the importance of communication, managing stress, and supporting each other through deconstruction processes. The episode offers valuable strategies for individuals and couples coping with these complex dynamics.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
2025-05-1943 min
SexvangelicalsEpisode S9E05: Ask a Sex Therapist: How Do I Have My First Orgasm? With Erica SmithThis spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering the ten most common questions that we receive as sex therapists. In this episode, they explore the question, "How do I have my first orgasm?" If you haven't had an orgasm before and you want to have orgasms, messages about "just taking it off the pedestal" and focusing on other areas of pleasure can be really minimizing and dismissive, even if, in the long run, they are helpful. J+J are joined by the amazing Erica Smith, sex educator and founder of Purity Culture Dropout. Join Julia, Jeremiah, and Erica for an hour long...
2025-04-2152 min
SexvangelicalsS9E04: Ask a Sex Therapist: What Happens if Sex Hurts? With Dr. Camden Morgante This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "What happens if sex hurts?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Dr. Camden Morgante (@drcamden on Instagram), author of the new book Recovering from Purity Culture. They reflect on how to address and reduce the physical and emotional pain that a repressive situation or larger culture, such as Purity Culture, might bring to a sexual experience. Join them for a practical, empathetic conversation about: Purity Culture and cumul...
2025-04-0746 min
SexvangelicalsS9E03: Ask a Sex Therapist: Does Planning Sex Kill the Vibe?This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist. One of the most common questions is "Does planning sex kill the vibe?" In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about the distinctions between planned and spontaneous sex. While many of us desire spontaneous sex, the reality is that, for many of us, sex is more planned than we might realize. And that's fantastic! Join Julia and Jeremiah for a hilarious, thought-provoking, and enriching conversation about: Vibes Sexual growth and sexual desire beliefs How our perceptions of sexu...
2025-03-241h 00
Speaking of CultsSpeaking of Cults...Healthy Sex after Leaving a Cult ft. Jeremiah Gibson & Julia PostemaThis week I welcome Jeremiah Gibson and Julia Postema, certified and licensed sex therapists on the East Coast who help me understand honesty, openness and healthy boundaries in romantic/sexual relationships after leaving an abusive relationship or destructive cult. We covered a lot of territory in a short amount of time. Enjoy!
J&J's website: https://Sexvangelicals.com and https://LetsHealTogether.org
Contact: info@LetsHealTogether.org
2025-02-011h 13
SexvangelicalsS8E09: Letting the Dust Settle: Finding Your Values and People Letting the dust settle allows us to step out of the reactionary space and evaluate our own lives and relationships. In our final episode of the series "How to Practice Social Justice Without Being a Jackass", Julia and Jeremiah talk about how to make decisions based on values that are important to you and your family system. A proactive process, rather than reactive process, also makes it easier to make relationships with people who align with your values. Check out our conversations about: PACT: The Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy Discovering your values Relationship anarchy Creating a shared purpose and visi...
2024-12-3053 min
SexvangelicalsS8E08: Letting the Dust Settle: Grieving Following the ElectionWe close our series on How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season with a two-part episode called "Letting the Dust Settle". We now know the outcome of the election. For many folks, there's an enormous amount of fear, anxiety, and dread about the behavior and decisions of the incoming administration. There's also a tendency, especially on social media, to respond to every negative step that the Trump administration makes. In these two episodes, we distinguish between a reactive sense of urgency and a grounded sense of urgency. And, the most important characteristic of a grounded sense of urgency is tak...
2024-12-0251 min
SexvangelicalsS8E04: How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: The Role of Social MediaA series called "How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass" wouldn't be complete without an episode in which we talk about the scene of many crimes of jackassdom: social media. After all, the ways that we communicate in virtual platforms are quite different from in real life interactions. We can edit the things that we say. We lack the nonverbal context of understanding what happened before the interaction. We don't see how other people respond, which makes it easier to disconnect and dehumanize. In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about: Hiding behind avatars The phys...
2024-10-0755 min
SexvangelicalsS8E02: How to Do Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: Understanding Populism.November's presidential election represents a comparison between two forms of government. One, a democracy, driven by the principle that many people have voices, and ideally a government that works for a large sum of people. Two, an autocracy, driven by the principle that few people have voices. Autocracies, such as the 2024 Republican Party, often communicate via jackassdom, including blame, repression, and fear-mongering. In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about common communication ploys from autocracy, and ways that progressives and other pro-democracy voters can avoid responding in ways that reinforce jackassdom. We talk about: Strategies of Autocracy What is populism? Poli...
2024-09-2359 min
SexvangelicalsS7E05: Summer Series: Taking a Break From...Setting GoalsIt's the first week of school for many students and families. The excitement of a new school year comes with new relationships, new beginnings, and setting goals. For many folks, especially those who grew up in conservative religious environments, setting goals can carry an enormous amount of anxiety with it. This week, Julia and Jeremiah explore what it might look like to engage with the back-to-school season without the pressure of setting goals. We discuss: The pressure to be excited The anxiety of heaven being the ultimate goal The loss of play Setting new definitions on success Setting boundaries with the...
2024-08-191h 03
SexvangelicalsS7E04: Summer Series: Taking a Break from...Social MediaSocial media has the capacity to bring out the worst in us as communicators. Julia and Jeremiah talk about strategies for communicating as effectively as possible on social media, which can include taking a break from it altogether. We explore: Real life examples of how to not conduct yourself on social media Virtue signaling and shame How to resolve conflict on social media effectively. The dangers of short form content. Building community, both virtually and in real life Check out Episode #76: Summer Series: Taking a Break from...Social Media on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get podcasts. Show notes and t...
2024-08-0437 min
The Two CitiesEpisode #234 - Sexvangelicals with Jeremiah Gibson and Julia PostemaIn this episode we’re joined by Jeremiah Gibson and Julia Postema, licensed psychotherapists and certified sex therapists based in Utrecht, The Netherlands, hosts a podcast called Sexvangelicals. As we talk about in our discussion with them, their specialization as therapists is helping couples coming out of negative religious backgrounds. In our conversation we talk about their perspective on topics like evangelical purity culture, sexuality and religion, etc., from their professional vantage point as people who themselves grew up in conservative Christian contexts. Team members on the episode from The Two Cities include: Dr. John Anthony Dunne, Dr. Grace Sangalang Ng...
2024-07-1756 min
SexvangelicalsS7E02: Summer Series: Taking a Break from SexOne of the biggest myths about sexuality is that the more sex you're having, the better the relationship is. Perhaps that's true, perhaps that isn't. But the myths around quantity place extreme pressures to perform sex, and a lot of panic around seasons with a lower quantity of sex. This week, as we continue our summer series "Taking a Break From...", Julia and Jeremiah talk about: Sexual sabbaticals The anxiety around sexual sabbaticals The pressures around sex in Evangelical contexts Transitions into sexuality, and ensuing pressures The decrease of sexual activity among gen-Z The ebbs and flows of sexuality throughout th...
2024-07-021h 04
SexvangelicalsS7E01: Summer Series: Taking a Break From...the Extreme Demands of ParentingHappy first official week of summer! We recognize that for many folks, summer requires a reorganization of scheduling and routines for parents, who have three months in which they cannot rely on schools to partner with them in rearing their children. While some parents see these three months as exciting, others face these months with growing trepidation. This week, we're talking about how to create structures that can hopefully make parenting a little less overwhelming for the next few months. Julia and Jeremiah talk about: Setting Realistic Expectations The Expectations of Parenting in Evangelical Communities Fear-Based and Performative Parenting Policing Parenti...
2024-06-1734 min
SexvangelicalsS6E11: Coming Out in Evangelical Families, with Singer-Songwriter, Adaline, part 1 of 2One of the most common targets of Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal (EMPish) communities in the 21st century are queer people. The moralizing of straight, married relationships places people who are attracted to folks of the same sex/gender and folks who are curious about sexual experiences with same sex/gendered people in terrible double binds. Folks can accept and practice sexuality in alignment with their sexual orientation in the face of name-calling, loss of relationships with family members, and threats of violence. Or they can squelch or hide their sexuality, or practice their sexuality in more secretive ways, which itself can...
2024-04-301h 00
SexvangelicalsS6E10: Banned Books: Non-Toxic Masculinity, by Zach Wagner, part 2 of 2What are the messages that we wish we learned about masculinity? What are messages that we'd like to teach younger generations about masculinity, and in conjunction, how we might do relationships more effectively, more collaboratively? We are thrilled to have Zach Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of Non-Toxic Masculinity, on Sexvangelicals this week. Zach talks with us about: The Books of Deconstruction The Narrative of Sex and Conquest Broadening the Script Male Sexuality Injecting Shame Shame & Desire EMPish Communities and Being "Counter-Cultural" Internalized Narratives Desire Starting Sex Ed Early Check out Episode #67: Banned Books: Non-Toxic Masculinity, by Zach Wagner, part 2 of 2 on Apple...
2024-04-2350 min
SexvangelicalsS6E09: Banned Books: Non Toxic Masculinity, with Zach Wagner, part 1 of 2Healing from Purity Culture involves conversations of how Evangelical communities have created undue amounts of anxiety and pressure for men as well as women. We talk with Zachary Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of the new book Non-Toxic Masculinity, about the importance of deconstructing simplistic, reductive practices of manhood and reimagining new ways that men can conceptualize themselves and create meaningful relationships. Zach talks with us about: Why Does the Book Matter Now: Generational Understandings of Masculinity The Power of the Purity Movement Purity Books The Effects of Christian Literature Purity Culture and Sex Violence as a Result of Purity Culture Purity Camp ...
2024-04-1650 min
SexvangelicalsS6E08: Banned Books: A Well Trained Wife, with Tia Levings, part 2 of 2Are you interested in writing a memoir? Then this episode is especially for you! We're excited to have Tia Levings @tialevingsswriter, author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our guest for Sexvangelicals this week. Tia talks with us about: Hero's Journey Not Exploiting Your Own Story Babies and Resilience The Nuance in Deconstruction Finding Light in the Dark Honoring Our Instincts Slowing Down Write the Book The Books of Deconstruction Check out Episode #65 Banned Books: A Well Trained Wife, with Tia Levings, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript a...
2024-04-0940 min
SexvangelicalsS6E07: Banned Books: A Well Trained Wife, with Tia Levings, part 1 of 2"While this story is my own memoir, the situations in this book are far from unique. With me stands a choir of invisible fundamentalist women, too silenced to tell their stories for themselves." We're honored to have Tia Levings (@tialevingswriter), author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our podcast guest this week. Tia shares her research, wisdom, and immense bravery with us; we focus our conversations around: How the Evangelical Church is a Microcosm of a Bigger System Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop: Perfectionism Books that Encourage Evangelical Family Structures Tradwives Dating Under Purity Culture Coven...
2024-04-0154 min
SexvangelicalsS6E06: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 2 of 2There's a lot of memoirs, social media comments, and dialogue about leaving the evangelical church. However, as our guest, Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) says, "you can't really understand the leaving without understanding loving and living the evangelical church." Sarah is the author of the new book The Exvangelicals. She talks with us about: The history of Christianity and politics What religion may offer The Bill Clinton Era and Purity Culture Evangelical Relationships Performing Gender Loving and Living (and Leaving) the Evangelical Church Grief Connection and Trauma Bonding Healing Through Storytelling Check out Episode #63: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah M...
2024-03-2632 min
SexvangelicalsS6E05: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 1 of 2.It's been really fascinating to watch the ways that Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal (EMPish) cultures have begun to be deconstructed and discussed on a wider cultural level. While some still struggle to accurately name the direct correlation between EMPish cultures and the construction of the modern-day Republican Party, NPR national correspondent Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) discusses the strategy and implementation of rigid conservative values in her new book The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church. In part 1 of a 2 part interview, Sarah talks with us about: Trump and Evangelicals The rise of the religious Nones Two target audien...
2024-03-1940 min
SexvangelicalsS6E04: Banned Books, When Religion Hurts You, with Laura Anderson, part 2 of 2One of the most common relational processes that the deconstructing world talks about is boundaries. Evangelical circles encourage the elimination of boundaries. Sexuality is public, as Purity Culture invites people in leadership positions to make a variety of comments about people's bodies. Accountability groups and testimonials favor people who describe the most intimate parts of their stories. When making sense of these harmful systems, it's easy to go the opposite direction with boundaries; in fact, quite a few people in the deconstructing community invite people to do this. But as we talk about with Laura Anderson, author of W...
2024-03-1242 min
SexvangelicalsS6E03: Banned Books: When Religion Hurts You, with Laura Anderson (part 1 of 2)What is religious abuse? Dr. Laura Anderson, in her new book When Religion Hurts You, defines it as: "The improper use of religious beliefs, teachings, doctrines, and relationships against another person. This might include harassment, humiliation, mind control, psychological abuse, isolation, threats, intimidation, minimizing, denying, blaming, asserting spiritual authority, and making it difficult to leave the religious community." If you're experienced one or more of the above, our interview with Laura provides some strategies for processing and navigating these experiences. Laura talks with us about: Addressing Religious Trauma Downplaying Trauma How Diagnosing Blames the Individual Focusing on the Body Eat...
2024-03-0454 min
SexvangelicalsS6E02: Banned Books: The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, with Deesha PhilyawPurity Culture is largely embedded within White social and political systems intended to dominate and control bodies through a hyper-moralistic, anti-sex landscape. However, in this last week of Black History month, it's imperative that we talk about the ways that Purity Culture has impacted Black communities. To help us, we are sharing our interview with Deesha Philyaw (@deeshaphilyaw), author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, about how the values of Purity Culture have infiltrated Black churches and informed sexual relationships and expectations within the Black community. We talk about: Purity Culture within Cultural Contexts Values How Sexual Misinformation Informs the...
2024-02-271h 28
SexvangelicalsS6E01: Banned Books: A Brief History of How the Christian Publishing Industry Promotes Myths About Relationships and Sex.Julia begins, "Unlearning the messages from the church archive is only part of the healing process. The next step is learning new ways to engage relationships and sexuality. So, together, we are going to begin creating a new library with literature that can support us in building better, more sustainable, and thriving relationships." In order to unlearn unhelpful messages, we have to understand the systems that propagated these messages. "If I had a dollar for every time a client mentioned The Five Love Languages in therapy, I'd have close to a thousand dollars by this stage," Jeremiah says. The problem? The Fi...
2024-02-2057 min
2024-02-1903 min
SexvangelicalsS5E06: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: Things to Consider When Disclosing Spiritual Abuse, with Sarah StankorbThe Roman Catholic Church, Southern Baptist Convention, and Acts 29 Churches have all had significant challenges with sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse in their systems, something that becomes even more pronounced when religious systems become intertwined with private and home schooling, sex education, and the expectations of rigid gender norms. Sarah Stankorb, author of Disobedient Women, interviews women who have been victimized within Evangelical systems. And while online spaces provided camaraderie, acceptance, and empowerment, the disclosure of abuse and sexual crimes often gets met with the opposite outcomes. Sarah talks with us about things to consider when disclosing spiritual abuse, including: Ho...
2024-02-1343 min
2024-02-1202 min
SexvangelicalsS5E04: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Anger Can Be a Vital Resource for Processing Trauma and Beginning Change, with Sarah StankorbIt's well documented that reporting abuse to larger systems is a daunting process. The Southern Baptist Convention is the latest organization to have been outed for the ways that it protects perpetrators of violence, especially against women and children, two categories of people whose stories are commonly dismissed in our larger society. We're thrilled to have Sarah Stankorb on our podcast. Sarah Stankorb is the author of the national best-seller Disobedient Women. The award-winning, Ohio-based writer talks about religion, politics, feminism, health, technology, and the public good. In Disobedient Women, she outlines how access to the internet—its networks, freedom of express...
2024-02-0546 min
SexvangelicalsS5E03: Three Ways to Call Audibles and Transition Well in Relationships, with Julia and JeremiahTransitions are a natural part of life. There are big transitions, such as a person leaving home or a child aging into adolescence. There are smaller transitions that happen everyday, such as leaving to go to work or switching from topic to topic in a conversation. A family system has to be adaptable enough to respond to transitions, and many relationship and family problems are rooted in challenges transitioning. In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah discuss three strategies to help you and your partner call effective audibles and transition effectively. We talk about: Transitions and getting stuck Unilateral decision making Mak...
2024-01-3124 min
SexvangelicalsS5E02: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Romantic Comedies Can Reinforce the Worst Parts of Evangelical Culture, with Katherine Spearing"Romantic comedies and chick lit reflect messages that are prevalent in both secular culture and religious spaces. Although Christian spaces give lots of lip service to being counter cultural, they usually repackage the same message from popular culture with a different wrapping paper." We continue our mini-series Let's Kick Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse, with Katherine Spearing, co-founder of Tears of Eden and author of Hartfords, a historical romantic comedy. Katherine talks with us about how literature can often reinforce some of the rigid, unhelpful ideas about gender and relationships, and how writing Hartfords positively im...
2024-01-151h 02
SexvangelicalsS5E01: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How to Leave a Controlling Family Environment, with Katherine SpearingHappy New Year! January is Spirtual Abuse Awareness month, and so we're kicking off the New Year with a couple of episodes with Katherine Spearing (@katherinespearing), host of the Uncertain Podcast (@uncertainpodcast) and founder of the nonprofit Tears of Eden. Katherine defines spiritual abuse as "invoking a religious text or deity as a way to maintain power and control over both individuals and communities." In this episode, we describe the multiple systems in Katherine's life that practiced abusive dynamics--family of origin, churches, the Evangelical system at large. Katherine talks with us about: Stay at Home Daughters (7:00) Women as Property (9:00) Double Bin...
2024-01-071h 01
2024-01-0703 min
2024-01-0603 min
SexvangelicalsS4E05: Holiday Horror Stories: How to Recover from the Holiday Season, with Maddie UpsonHappy New Year! We hope that you had a safe, peaceful, and festive holiday season with family and friends! For most of us, this week will be about transitioning out of the excitement and chaos that comes with the holiday season and into the rhythms of everyday life. That transition process can be really challenging on individuals and relationships. To help us, we invited our marketing and communications extraordinaire, Maddie, to be our first guest of 2024. Maddie talks with us about: Reverting and Growth (7:00) Applying Growth to the Relational System (11:00) Deconstruction Culture and Antagonism (17:00) Engaging in Conversations about Deconstruction with Reli...
2024-01-0353 min
SexvangelicalsS4E04: Holiday Horror Stories: Ten Tips for Navigating Infertility, with Dr. Niko WilsonOne in six people worldwide experience infertility, according to the World Health Organization. As the holiday season focuses on the celebration of children and families, infertility creates its own holiday horror story for individuals and relationships who experience it. We're excited to have Dr. Niko Wilson, director of the Couples and Family Therapy program at William James College, join us for a special episode of Sexvangelicals. Dr. Wilson's research focuses on the qualitative experience of infertility; also, each of the three of us have been personally impacted by infertility in some capacity. Join us for conversations about: Being Seen During the Ho...
2023-12-281h 02
SexvangelicalsS4E03: Holiday Horror Stories: How the Holidays Reinforce Gender Norms, with Kelley, Kelly Anne, and Emma of the Woman Being Podcast.What would holiday celebrations be without women? No really. They would not exist without women. The holiday season often represents the worst part of Christian relationships, where gender roles define behavior and eliminate collaborative dialogue in the process. Julia notes, "Even Hallmark movies join the nativity story, relying on women sacrificing--either their singleness, their autonomy, their career, or all the, for the sake of the relationship." This week, we're joined by the amazing Kelley, Kelly Anne, and Emma of the Woman Being podcast. They talk with us about: The Hallmark Agenda (3:00) Gender Norms & Christmas Movies (14:00) Bearing the Weight of the Holi...
2023-12-1850 min
SexvangelicalsS4E02: Holiday Horror Stories: How to Reclaim the Joy of Christmas, with Kelley, Kelly Anne, and Emma of the Woman Being PodcastThe Christmas story starts with a teenage girl, Mary, and an angel of God. Kelley Werner, co-host of the Woman Being Podcast, explains: "She's portrayed as this passive participant in her faith. There's an edification of her. "Lord, whatever you say, I will do. So be it." She's passively impregnated by an angel, and becomes this side character in the narrative of Jesus. That angle was always impressed upon us as young women: Keeping our posture very open to whatever God or men determine is like our best path." The Christmas story, as we talk about with Kelley, Kelly Anne Carter, and...
2023-12-1151 min
SexvangelicalsS4E01: Holiday Horror Stories: How to Survive Christmas Eve Services, with Nicole MarinescuWhile individual growth and self-discovery are vital to our healing and human evolution, we live in the context of a myriad of relationships. And the end-of-year holidays are a time of year in which many folks are engaging in a lot of different relationships at the same time or in close succession. This December, we're presenting a series called Holiday Horror Stories. The holiday season replicates the most narrow practices of family, gender, and relationships; spend three hours watching The Hallmark Channel for more information. Sometimes the advice from the psychotherapy and wellness world is helpful, and often it isn't. Th...
2023-12-1058 min
SexvangelicalsS3E21: Partnership Building: How To Discover The "We" In Your Relationship During The Deconstruction ProcessIn the initial stages of what we typically call deconstruction, folks tend to focus heavily on meeting individual needs, self-advocacy, engaging the body in different ways, and finding new personal connections. And while all of this is fantastic, much of the resources within deconstruction communities, and popular psychology for that matter, use the language of boundary setting. Just set those boundaries. And, if we're not careful, individuation comes at the expense of our most important relationships. In today's episode, we explore how I statements aren't always helpful, how to integrate personal growth into re...
2023-12-071h 03
Relatable | Relationships UnfilteredPurity Culture with Jeremiah Gibson & Julia PostemaDr. Liz hangs out with Jeremiah Gibson and Julia Postema, Sex Therapists and Cohosts of Sexvangelicals Podcast, to chat all about the impact of purity culture on our beliefs and behaviors around sexuality. Dr. Liz, Jeremiah, and Julia explore the impact of ‘shame-based religion’ on how we show up in our relationships, including how our intimacy and sex lives are influenced. They all three provide a vulnerable look at their own upbringings in purity culture and how these experiences shaped their beliefs about sex. Dr. Liz, Jeremiah, and Julia also provide valuable take-aways on addressing and challenging these shame-based mess...
2023-11-2846 min
SexvangelicalsEpisode #47: Partnership Building: How to Discover the "We" in Your Relationship During the Deconstruction ProcessIn the initial stages of what we typically call deconstruction, folks tend to focus heavily on meeting individual needs, self-advocacy, engaging the body in different ways, and finding new personal connections. And while all of this is fantastic, much of the resources within deconstruction communities, and popular psychology for that matter, use the language of boundary setting. Just set those boundaries. And, if we're not careful, individuation comes at the expense of our most important relationships. In today's episode, we explore how I statements aren't always helpful, how to integrate personal growth into re...
2023-11-2758 min
SexvangelicalsS3E20: Partnership Building: How the Self-Discovery of Deconstruction Can Impact RelationshipsDeconstruction can be an exciting time for folks. We read new books. We explore the world and build relationships with a more diverse group of people. The world gets bigger. We see numerous amounts of options for living a happy life. However, especially for folks in long-term relationships, deconstruction can result in some really challenging relationship dynamics. As we talk about in this week's episode of Sexvangelicals, individuation, the practice of self-discovery for the sake of learning about oneself, independent of the larger world, can result in quite a bit of relational harm...
2023-11-2057 min
2023-11-2005 minSexvangelicalsS3E19: Partnership Building: How to Manage Differences in Sexual DesireDesire discrepancy is a set of differences about the quantity, quality, or types of experiences that a couple or a group want to have. As we mentioned in the last episode, desire discrepancy is not inherently a source of conflict. The difficulty or inability to negotiate these differences is what leads to conflict. So how can we talk about the different ways that two (or more) partners might access sexuality? And not just who wants it more? But the different fantasies, preferences, scenarios needed for a positive sexual experience, and much more?
2023-11-1350 minSexvangelicalsS3E18: Partnership Building: How the Church Encourages Conflict Management through Conflict AvoidanceDesire discrepancy is one of the most common challenges that we see in sex therapy. Desire discrepancy is ultimately a difference in a couple or a group's interest in frequency, quality, or types of sexual interactions. Desire discrepancy does not necessitate conflict. Conflict occurs when folks are unable to manage those differences, which is a necessary skill inside of and outside of sexual interactions. However, what happens when you grow up in a system (i.e. the church) that both refuses to talk with you about sexual health, and also encourages you to av...
2023-11-011h 11
SexvangelicalsS3E17: Partnership Building: How to Navigate Deconstruction as a Couple When One Person Starts the Deconstruction Process Earlier, with Nicki and Stephen PappasWe did it! We just released our 100th episode! And we could not have a more fitting episode than with Nicki (@broadeningthenarrative) and Stephen Pappas. Nicki and Stephen answer the question: What happens when one person in a partnership begins the deconstruction process before the other partner? This can be a really intimidating, vulnerable process for a lot of folks, and Nicki and Stephen talk about their process of simultaneously navigating exploration, discovery, hope, grief, and fear of abandonment. We talk about: Function of Dreams Within the Church (3:00): "Last week, we ta...
2023-10-231h 04
SexvangelicalsS3E16: Partnership Building: How Evangelical Communities Limit Your Dreams, with Nicki and Stephen PappasWhat did you want to be when you grew up? In EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) settings, growing up is commonly centered around finding your soulmate, getting married, having kids, and enhancing the church community. Or, as Julia says, "A person's dreams must serve the greater purpose of evangelism." "When we consider gender," she continues, "the complications get worse. Women support the "dreams" of their husbands. Husbands support the "dreams" of the larger church dictated by the pastor and the broader goals of the American Christian church, often supporting white nationalism and other...
2023-10-1558 min
SexvangelicalsS3E15: How Purity Culture Informed the 90s and 00s, with Teddi and Nick from Oh God I Forgot About ThatPurity Culture isn't just a collection of pithy quotes and misappropriation of Scripture about bodies and relationships. It's a creation of a myriad of businesses, media, and political systems that work together to showcase and reinforce the existence of particular types of relationships. We've learned that understanding the larger context of Purity Culture, from the intersection of theology and American history to the cultural icons and legislative processes that these create, has helped us in our own deconstruction process. Which is also true for our guests this week, Teddi and Nick from the podcast Oh God I Forgot About That. They...
2023-10-021h 022023-09-2704 min2023-09-2505 min
SexvangelicalsS3E14: Pentecostalism and Purity Culture, with Teddi and Nick from Oh God I Forgot About ThatWhile much attention has been given to the Evangelical contingent of American conservative Christianity, it's important to note that even though systems of worship may be different, Pentecostal Christians navigate sexuality, relationships, and bodies in similarly troubling ways as Evangelical and Mormon communities do. This week, we're thrilled to have Teddi and Nick, co-hosts of the podcast Oh God I Forgot About That, to talk more about how their upbringings in Pentecostal communities impacted understandings of gender, dating relationships, and sexuality. We talk specifically about: Defining EMPish (10:00): "So in the post-Christian, in the deconstruction world...
2023-09-2550 min
SexvangelicalsS3E13: Partnership Building: How to Celebrate Differences in Your Relationship, with Jeremiah and JuliaSHOW NOTES Positive Perspective (4:00): "Let's very quickly review what we mean when we say the positive perspective, specifically as it relates to sexuality. As you may be, and are probably intimately aware, folks from Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal communities, EMPish communities, often struggle to have a positive perspective about sexuality when dominant messaging from these communities focuses on no." Julia starts us off by defining positive perspective in the context of EMPish communities, as most of the sexual education is focused on denying sexuality. Jeremiah adds: "Positive perspective is not necessarily about the emotional expression. It...
2023-09-1857 min
SexvangelicalsS3E12: Partnership Building: How Purity Culture Makes It Hard for Couples to Practice Positivity, with Jeremiah and JuliaWe're back from our month off hiking the Alpe Adria in Austria, Slovenia, and Italy. And we pick up today where we left off, talking about the Sound Marital House model from couples therapy gurus John and Julie Gottman. For a friendly reminder, the first three levels of the Sound Marital house are curiosity, appreciation, and leaning toward your partner. And this week, Julia and Jeremiah talk about the fourth value: the positive perspective, including: Defining Terms (10:00): "For the sake of today, we're going to say that being positive about sexuality in a partnership means being positive about the ex...
2023-09-111h 08
SexvangelicalsS3E11: Summer Rewatch Series: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Consent, with Jeremiah and JuliaAfter our month-long foray into the disturbing literature from the Evangelical Christian publishing industry, we continue our new series The Sex Ed We Wish We Had. Last month, we interviewed Doug Braun-Harvey, who describes the six sexual health principles that we and many other sexual health providers use as their rubric for co-creating healthy sexual encounters. We begin with a two-part series on consent, which, to quote the Harvey Institute (8:40): "Consent means voluntary cooperation communicates permission to try and reach sexual satisfaction and intimacy with willing partners. Consent transforms the act of sex...
2023-08-2849 min
SexvangelicalsS3E10: Summer Rewatch Series: How Purity Culture is Uniquely Damaging to Teens and Young Adults, with Linda Kay Klein16 years ago, Linda Kay Klein embarked on a storytelling journey that would change her life (and the lives of many others). In her 2018 book Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free, Linda captures the experiences of hundreds of women, herself included, who grew up within and confronted the consequences of the Evangelical purity culture movement in the 90s and early 2000s. Through Pure and her nonprofit, Break Free Together, Linda has created numerous spaces to bring folks together to share their stories about repression, bravery, and ultimately f...
2023-08-211h 05
SexvangelicalsS3E09: Summer Rewatch Series: How to Prepare Yourself to Leave a Fundamentalist Community, with Tia LevingsTia Levings is a writer and content creator whose work explores the female narrative in patriarchal spaces. A survivor of church-sanctioned domestic violence, Tia shares the realities of Christian Fundamentalism, and sheds light on the strategic influence high control religion has on our society and headlines today. Her memoir releases in 2024 with St. Martin's Press and you can find her videos on Instagram and Tiktok. We are thrilled to have Tia share her experience of surviving and escaping a religious fundamentalist community, discovering healing and self-exploration, and using her story to help others find their own versions of h...
2023-08-141h 42
SexvangelicalsS3E08: Summer Series Trailer: Summer Rewatch SeriesThis week we highlight a few of the reasons we began Sexvangelicals and what is to come in the following weeks. We will be doing a Summer Rewatch Series highlighting three of our favorite episodes, which include new content at the beginning of each episode. It is important to reflect and realize how we have grown and evolved and we want to share that with you. In this mini-episode (or trailer) we reflect on some of the reasons we started this podcast to begin with and what episodes we will be covering in the next month! Relationships...
2023-08-0714 min
SexvangelicalsS3E07: Partnership Building: Turning Toward Your Partner in the Face of Adversity, with Luke and Lauren from Flourish TherapyWe are continuing our summer series called Partnership Building, where we discuss how sexual health is relational health, and relational health is sexual health. We're talking about seven principles of healthy relationships, according to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. Last week, Luke and Lauren from the amazing podcast Filled to Flourish talked with us about the ways that Purity Culture encourage turning toward God, and as a result, away from oneself and one's partner. This week, they discuss the ways that they learned to turn toward each other, and the ways that...
2023-07-3150 min
SexvangelicalsS3E06: Partnership Building: How Purity Culture Teaches You to Turn Away from Yourself, with Luke and Lauren from Flourish TherapyWe are continuing our summer series called Partnership Building, where we discuss how sexual health is relational health, and relational health is sexual health. We're talking about seven principles of healthy relationships, according to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. In the first four episodes of this series, we've discussed two foundations of healthy relationships: curiosity and admiration/appreciation. In the next two episodes, we'll talk about the third principle of healthy relationships (according to the Gottman's): turning toward each other. And we have amazing guests, Luke and Lauren Smallcomb from the brilliant...
2023-07-2348 min
SexvangelicalsS3E05: Partnership Building: How Rigid Gender Norms Negatively Impacts AppreciationWe are continuing our series on Partnership building by comparing the messaging from a classic relationship book in Evangelical/Mormon/Pentecostal (EMPish) circles, Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs, alongside the work of couples researchers John and Julie Gottman, and their principle of nurturing fondness and admiration. As we talked about last week, practicing this principle can be challenging when you've grown up learning that admiration and fondness exist along problematic gendered norms of the Love and Respect model. Julia explains, "Admiration roughly translates to respect, which women show through deference to male authority and...
2023-07-1657 min
SexvangelicalsS3E04: Partnership Building: How to Create More AppreciationThis summer, we're talking about seven principles of healthy relationships, according to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. In the last two weeks, we've discussed the foundation of healthy relationships: curiosity. And in the next two episodes, we're talking about the practices of admiration and appreciation. Be curious. Be positive. Sounds simple enough. Except EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) communities identify the success of the relationship not based on the ways that people solve problems together. Successful marriages happen when men and women effectively play the gender roles ascribed to them. And no...
2023-07-1044 min
SexvangelicalsS3E03: Partnership Building: Games that Help with CuriosityWe are continuing our summer series called Partnership Building, where we are discussing the work of John Gottman. Last week, we discussed how curiosity is the foundation for healthy, sustainable relationships. Gottman uses the term "cognitive room"—the ability to spontaneously recall details about positive qualities about their partner and their relationship. Cognitive room is fueled by curiosity, the strong desire to learn or know something. Cognitive room is something that continually develops; after all, we continually develop as humans. I'm not the same person as I was this time last year, and neither are you.
2023-06-2644 min
SexvangelicalsS3E02: Partnership Building: How Evangelicalism Stifles CuriosityThis summer, we're exploring the seven characteristics to healthy relationships, through John Gottman's Sound Marital House theory of relationships. Gottman suggests that curiosity is the root of a strong foundation for a relationship. Curiosity, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is the strong desire to know or learn something. In this episode, we talk about how EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) communities discourage curiosity, and the ways that people can learn and practice curiosity in your relationship. We discuss: Cognitive Room (11:40): Julia summarizes, "The Gottman's suggested that the more facts that a person had...
2023-06-1948 min
SexvangelicalsS3E01: Partnership Building: 15 Minute Pockets ForeverIn the last six months, we had a series called The Seven Deadly Sexual Sins (According to the Church), where we answered the question, "What is the sex education that the church DID want us to have?" And then we talked about the sex education we actually wish we had, centered around the six sexual health principles described by Doug Braun Harvey. And this summer, we're talking about seven principles of healthy relationships from John and Julie Gottman in a series that we're calling Partnership Building: Curiosity Appreciation Turning...
2023-06-121h 03
SexvangelicalsS2E16: Sexual Fluidity, and How Anger Helped Access My Sexuality, with Maddie Upson, part 2 of 2Happy Pride Month from Sexvangelicals! We kick off June by talking with our new Marketing and Communications Director, Maddie Upson, about her experiences navigating queerness inside and outside of religious contexts. This is one of the most riveting conversations we've had about queerness on our podcast. Check out our conversations about: Jenga Pieces (14:00): Julia uses the metaphor that deconstruction is like removing pieces of a Jenga Tower; eventually, it all comes crashing down. Maddie shares, "The first time I went to a party and someone offered me alcohol, I've been prepared my entire life for...
2023-06-0556 min
SexvangelicalsS2E15: Sexual Fluidity, and How Anger Helped Access My Sexuality in Ways that My Arkansas Homeschool Didn't Want, with Maddie Upson, part 1We have big news! We hired a new Marketing and Communications Coordinator, Maddie Upson, and we're excited to introduce you to her in a two part episode. In this episode, Maddie describes her experience growing up in a homeschool connected with the Evangelical Church in Arkansas, including: Fitting into the Church (8:00): Maddie explains that her church and homeschool had one major goal: to keep people (men and women) in their "godly" roles. "You are assessed at how well you can read the implicit rules and you get rewarded if you stay within those rules and...
2023-05-2952 min
SexvangelicalsS2E14: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Mutual Pleasure, with Nicole MarinescuWe wrap up our series on The Sex Ed We Wish We Had by talking about the final sexual health principle from the work of Doug Braun Harvey and Michael Vigorito: Mutual pleasure. And we're excited to have our editor extraordinaire, Nicole Marinescu, share her experiences of navigating mutually pleasurable experiences in an age of Tinder, virtual communication, and the growing influence of EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) communities. Nicole provides a simple definition for mutual pleasure: "Caring about the other person or persons that you are having a sexual experience with." We also talk...
2023-05-2257 min
SexvangelicalsS2E13: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Shared Values, with Jimmy Bridges, part 2 of 2Today's episode discusses one of the most challenging dynamics that we see when doing sex therapy with couples where one/both grew up in a religious context: How do you navigate value conversion, the paradigm shifting that happens during therapy, when two people convert their values at different paces? Jimmy Bridges, PhD, therapist extraordinaire at This Space Between, joins us for part two of this extremely important conversation. Jimmy, Julia, and Jeremiah talk about their process of value conversion in their former marriages—spoiler alert: it wasn't pretty for any of the three of us—as w...
2023-05-1537 min
SexvangelicalsS2E12: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Shared Values, with Jimmy Bridges, part 1 of 2Last week, in our episode with Kara Haug, we talked about honesty as structures that provide accurate information to individuals and groups about sexuality and relationships. This week, we talk about how to navigate honesty within a relationship, where two people may have similar or differing perspectives, needs, and values. The language that we use to describe this sexual health principle is "shared values". Doug Braun Harvey, founder of the Harvey Institute, writes: "Values are a source of identifying one's sexual standards and ethics. Values differences, when honestly and vulnerably shared between partners, can lead...
2023-05-0830 min
SexvangelicalsS2E11: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Honesty, with Kara HaugWe continue with our series on The Sex Education We Wish We Had by talking about the sexual health principle of honesty. Doug Braun-Harvey, of the Harvey Institute, explains: "Sexual health requires open and direct communication with oneself and every sexual partner. Honesty with oneself involves being open to sexual pleasure, sexual experience, and sexual education. Without honesty, sexual relationships will not be able to have effective communication or be able to uphold any of the sexual health principles." How can we have honest dialogue about sexuality when we've been so dishonest with...
2023-05-0153 min
SexvangelicalsS2E10: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Discussing Sexually Transmitted Infections with Jenelle Pierce, Part 2 of 2April is STI Awareness Month. STIs are commonly discussed in sex ed curricula, but typically as a fear-mongering technique to discourage premarital sexuality. We are excited to have Jenelle Pierce, Executive Director of The STI Project, break down the stigma and provide strategies for discussing STIs with partners. The episode begins with this prompt: "A person is beginning to date and is exploring multiple potential dating, sexual, and or romantic relationships. What are some ways to help set initial conversations around STI or pregnancy prevention?" The Value of Honest Communication (2:00): "It's important to...
2023-04-2435 min
SexvangelicalsS2E09: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Discussing Sexually Transmitted Infections, with Jenelle Pierce, Part 1 of 2The third principle of sexual health, according to Doug Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito, and part of the sex education we wish we had is effective, non fear mongering conversations around sexually transmitted infections, HIV, and pregnancy. Jenelle Pierce, the Executive Director of the STI Project, joins us for the next two episodes to share how we can have greater education, awareness, and dialogue around sexually transmitted infections. In this episode, Jenelle shares her personal story with us. Not surprisingly, purity culture is at the room of this." The Pervasiveness of Purity Culture (6:00): Jenelle speaks to...
2023-04-1649 min
SexvangelicalsS2E08: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Non-Exploitation, with Amber WoodWe're continuing our series on The Sex Ed We Wish We Had, rooted in the six sexual health principles of Doug Braun-Harvey. The second principle is non-exploitation (5:00), "when a person leverages their power and control to receive sexual gratification. The outcome is sex that is ruthless and insensitive to the feelings of a partner and family members. The outcome encompasses unwanted, harsh, or cruel nomination or taking advantage of a person who is mentally incapable to use their cognitive and emotional capacity. To give or not give consent." We commonly talk about exploitation from the perspective of...
2023-04-101h 07
SexvangelicalsS2E07: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Consent, Part 2 of 2, with Jeremiah and JuliaWe're continuing our conversation about consent on Sexvangelicals. Julia made a comment on this week's episode that consent is simultaneously easy and extremely difficult to navigate. I mean, we want consent to be an easy, straightforward thing. And when there are clear intentions to use sexuality as a way to physically and emotionally hurt and violate other people, the line between consent and non-consent becomes pretty straightforward. However, if we think about consent not as attorneys do, as a yes/no binary, consent was or wasn't given, but more as a relational process, a dialogue...
2023-04-0339 min
SexvangelicalsS2E06: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Consent, Part 1 of 2, with Jeremiah and JuliaAfter our month-long foray into the disturbing literature from the Evangelical Christian publishing industry, we continue our new series The Sex Ed We Wish We Had. Last month, we interviewed Doug Braun-Harvey, who describes the six sexual health principles that we and many other sexual health providers use as their rubric for co-creating healthy sexual encounters. We begin with a two-part series on consent, which, to quote the Harvey Institute (8:40): "Consent means voluntary cooperation communicates permission to try and reach sexual satisfaction and intimacy with willing partners. Consent transforms the act of sex...
2023-03-2849 min
Filled to Flourish6. High-Control Religion + Sexuality with Julia Postema Jeremiah GibsonToday on the podcast we share our interview with the lovely Julia + Jeremiah of @sexvangelicals on the intersection of high-control religions and sexuality. We explore:🎙How to establish safety around sex and conversing about sex 🎙How relationships require a challenge of your sexuality in a way that not being in a relationship doesn’t 🎙How high-control religions prescribe a lens of fear and how this can hinder you from asking questions, being in tune with your desires, exploration, playfulness and pleasure🎙How sex therapy is not glamorous, rather always includes grief and loss 🎙How patriarchal views are incompatible with genuine intimacy...
2023-03-221h 16
SexvangelicalsS2E05: Reading from the Book That the Gospel Coalition Apologized For Last WeekThis week, we finish our third and final installment in our series reading Joshua Butler's "Beautiful Union." This book was initially endorsed, then quickly recalled, by the Gospel Coalition. In the final part of Chapter One, we get to read how Butler compares the vulva to a "bus depot, how Jesus was supposedly a 33-year-old virgin, and how Butler uses citations incorrectly. In all seriousness, this messaging by Butler is not new, just repackaged for 2023. You could have realistically picked up a book like this in 2013, 2003, and 1993 and the same message would be clear: Don't. Have. Sex...
2023-03-211h 10
SexvangelicalsS2E04: Reading from the Book that the Gospel Coalition Apologized For Last Week, part 2 Last week, we read the introduction from the book Beautiful Union by Joshua Butler. You know, the book that the Gospel Coalition posted an excerpt from two weeks ago, causing the Internet to lash out against TGC and Butler. And this week, we're reading the first half of the first chapter, and have our own variety of responses and reactions. We are not theologians; check out Jackson Wu's recent article on Patheos The Fundamental Flaws in Josh Butler's Argument for a dissection of the problematic perspective of Butler's (and many Evangelical leader's) theology.
2023-03-141h 03
SexvangelicalsS2E03: Reading from the Book that the Gospel Coalition Apologized For Last Week, Part 1This week there has been controversy surrounding Joshua Butler's new book, Beautiful Union: How God's Vision for Sex Points us to the Good, Unlocks the Truth, and Sort of Explains Everything. And yes, that is the real title. The Gospel Coalition, a media source for conservative evangelicals, published an excerpt from Joshua Butler's new book, which was so horrendous, even THEY had to take it down. We were incredibly curious to see what piece of writing could be so bad, even the evangelicals had to apologize for it. Enjoy as we...
2023-03-0741 minSexvangelicalsS2E02: The Sex Education That We Wish We Had, with Doug Braun-Harvey, part 2Join us for part two of our episode with Doug Braun-Harvey. Doug is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapy supervisor and certified sex therapist in San Diego. He has taught and consulted on sexuality and sexual health with Widener University, the University of Michigan, and the University of Minnesota. Doug is also the co-founder of the Harvey Institute, an international education, training, consulting, and supervision service for improving healthcare. Good Christian (3). "I grew up in a very Christian world. And so for me to say I wasn't a Christian, took me 35 years. To be h...
2023-03-0146 minSexvangelicalsS2E01: The Sex Education That We Wish We Had, with Doug Braun-Harvey, part 1 This week we start our new series The Sex Education We Wish We Had and our first guest Doug Brown Harvey, the co-founder of the Harvey Institute, an international education training, consulting, and supervision service for improving healthcare through the integration of sexual health. Since 1993, he has been developing and implementing a sexual health-based treatment approach for men out of control, sexual behavior. His book, treating Out of Control, Sexual Behavior, Rethinking Sex Addiction, written with co-author Michael Vito was published in 2015. If you Google his name, you'll get access to his other boo...
2023-02-2059 min
SexvangelicalsS1E14: Deadly Sexual Sin (According to the Church) #7: Don't Ask Questions, with Jeremiah and JuliaWe conclude our series on the Seven Deadly Sexual Sins (According to the Church) with reflections on the final sin: Don't ask questions. Not knowing is an extremely difficult skill to master, especially for those of us who grew up in contexts where knowing and believing will conflated. However, not asking questions impacted our own sexual development, and ultimately the end of our marriages. Jeremiah and Julia talk about the conflation of faith with knowing about God, the ways that questions invite anxiety into a relationship, especially a theological one, and ways that questions bring...
2023-02-1350 min
SexvangelicalsS1E13: Deadly Sexual Sin #6 (According to the Church): Don't Say No, with Dr. Laura Anderson, part 2In episode #69, we talk with Dr. Laura Anderson, co-founder of the Religious Trauma Institute, about the ways that Evangelical structures set up the sixth deadly sexual sin, "Don't say no", especially to your "God given gender roles". In part 2 of our interview, Laura talks with us about the devastating implications of "Don't say no", including: The involvement of guilt and shame (10:45) The ways that our bodies respond to high control religion (17:20) The distinction between acute and complex trauma (20:45) The first steps of healing (34:15) Healing in relationships (40:30) And...
2023-02-0758 min
SexvangelicalsS1E12: Deadly Sexual Sin #6 (According to the Church): Don't Say No, with Laura Anderson"In purity culture, both men and women are hypersexualized and then also supposed to be asexual at the same time," explains Dr. Laura Anderson, cofounder of the Religious Trauma Institute. In short, the expectation is that men are expected to say yes to all things sexual, and women are expected to say and embody the word, no. The sixth deadly sexual sin captures the practice of rigid gender roles. Men are expected to be dominant. Women are expected to be submissive. Don't say no to those gender roles. We talk about...
2023-01-3058 min
SexvangelicalsS1E11: Deadly Sexual Sin #5 (According to the Church): Don't Watch Porn, with Cayte Castrillon Last week, we talked with Cayte Castrillon about her research on the pornography consumption of teenage girls impacts the ways they view their bodies, relationships, and perceptions of men. We continue our conversation with Cayte this week about the constructs of ethical porn (8:50), how mainstream porn (read: Pornhub) invites unhealth comparison (18:20), how moral reactions prevent us from having healthy conversations about pornography (25:00), and how we can talk with our partners (34:50) and children (48:45) about pornography. Jeremiah summarizes Cayte's position in the introduction (4:10): "We're not at fault for our social conditioning, but we are responsible...
2023-01-221h 00
SexvangelicalsS1E10: Deadly Sexual Sin #5 (According to the Church): Don't Watch Porn, with Cayte Castrillon, part 1Welcome back to the Seven Deadly Sexual Sins (According to the Church). We continue with Deadly Sexual Sin #5, especially geared toward men: Don't Watch Porn. After all, we know that women don't watch porn. Or do they? We invite Cayte Castrillon, sex therapist and PhD student, to share her research about how women consume porn, what porn teaches women about their own bodies and sexuality, and the observations that women make about the ways that male partners are influenced by porn.
2023-01-1635 min
SexvangelicalsS1E09: Three Conversations to Have Before Setting Your New Years ResolutionsWhat are your goals for the New Year? What word encapsulates what you want to accomplish in 2023? Answering those questions, be they at the start of the year, midway through a project, or at the conclusion of an event, requires an effective self-reflection process. Ideally, said process happens both individually and in relationship, be that with a partner, a friend or family member, or larger community. Julia and Jeremiah describe three practices that can provide a structure for having these conversations. 1) Month and Review. 2) Intentional Grief Practices 3) A...
2023-01-0957 min
SexvangelicalsTrailer: Happy 2023 from Jeremiah and Julia!Happy 2023 from Sexvangelicals! We're excited to preview our January episodes, including the final three episodes of our Seven Deadly Sexual Sins (According to the Church) and a special episode about our visit to the Sigmund Freud Museum in Vienna. Thank you for being part of our journey! Let's heal together!
2023-01-0402 min
SexvangelicalsS1E08: Christmas: Going to Church When You Don't Go to Church AnymoreChristmas is a strange season for folks who are in the process of exploring and healing from the ways that the church has negatively impacted them. Many of our listeners are deconstructing Christianity in some way; however, deconstruction can quickly move into emotionally cutting off, which don't give you the permission to engage with the complexities and beauty of the family members and stories and institutions. For us, Christmas is the best of the modern Christian tradition. We also acknowledge that Christmas also intersects hope with grief, especially for those of us who have moved out of overtly religious spa...
2022-12-2746 min
SexvangelicalsS1E07: Get a Room! And Three Other Ways to Navigate Sex During the Holiday SeasonJeremiah and Julia take a break from the Seven Deadly Sexual Sins According to the Church and discuss two ways that sexuality can be hard during the holidays: 1) Privacy concerns; and 2) The general pressures of the holiday. They then discuss a myriad of relationship tips, including getting a separate space for you and your partner when visiting family and friends, talking with your partner about the pressures connected to the holidays, and creating intentional transition spaces in and out of sexuality.
2022-12-2038 min
SexvangelicalsBonus Episode: Happy Holidays from Jeremiah and Julia!Happy Holidays, from Jeremiah and Julia! Thank you for all of the support that you've given us in 2022! We're excited to share two holiday episodes with you to wrap up December, and launch 2023 with new pictures, new episodes, and a lot of fun!
2022-12-2002 min
SexvangelicalsS1E04: Deadly Sexual Sin #3 (According to the Church): Don't Have Wants, with Jake and Sarah LollarThe third of the Seven Deadly Sexual Sins is the psychological engine for the church's position on sexuality: Don't lust. Which, in the Evangelical Church, quickly reduces to "Don't have wants or desires." Our friends Jake and Sarah talk with us about how growing up in the Evangelical Church (the same collegiate church as Jeremiah, in fact) impacted their relationship with wants as individuals and as a partnership. We explore the concept of lust throughout Christian history, and then describe a three step process that can help give yourself permission to name your o...
2022-11-2958 min
SexvangelicalsS1E03: Deadly Sexual Sin #2 (According to the Church): Don't Be GayJeremiah and Julia continue their series on the Seven Deadly Sexual Sins, According to the Church, with the deadliest of the "sins", as we were reminded over the weekend in Colorado Springs: Don't be gay. They discuss the different ways that the combination of "Don't be gay" and "Don't have sex before you get married" negatively impacted their development. They then describe two binaries that the church (and other institutions) place around queerness: 1) Either you're gay or you're straight; 2) Either you're "born this way" or queerness was socialized into you. Julia and Jeremiah clo...
2022-11-221h 11
SexvangelicalsS1E2.5: Rage Against Homophobia: A Response to the Murders at the Club Q in Colorado SpringsThe murders at Club Q on November 20 in Colorado Springs are horrific, as are all acts of violence against the queer community. Julia and Jeremiah bypass the impulse to dissect how church rhetoric impacted the murders, especially given that they happened in the mecca of the Evangelical Church. They name their anger and rage at this and a myriad of other crimes committed against queer bodies.
2022-11-2105 min
SexvangelicalsS1E02: Deadly Sexual Sin #1 (According to the Church): Don't Have Sex Before You Get MarriedThe first of the seven deadly sexual sins is the apex of Purity Culture: Don't have sex before you get married. And as Jeremiah and Julia discuss, the Evangelical Church has collaborated with policy makers to ensure that abstinence only sex education is infused throughout public schools nationwide. The Evangelical Church suggests three ways that sexual experiences will be blissful for those who wait until marriage to have sex. You and your spouse will be able to intuit each other's needs. Your honeymoon will be the most incredible experience of your life. Sex will be spontaneous, and...
2022-11-061h 12
SexvangelicalsS1E01: Seven Deadly Sexual Sins (According to the Church): A PreviewSexvangelicals is a podcast about the sex education that the church didn't want you to have. What's the sex education that the church did want you to have? So glad that you asked! Julia and Jeremiah talk about the Seven Deadly Sexual Sins (according to the Church). And you'll notice that they all have one word in common. Don't. In this episode, we talk about the implications and limitations for how the word "don't" can negatively impact sex education, as well as how you can name some "do's" to more effectively communicate what you need. Welcome back to Sunday...
2022-10-311h 01