Shows
The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E25: The Roast & Toast of "Santa With Muscles"It's probably long overdue that we cover a Hulk Hogan movie, and a Christmas movie--that doesn't really have anything to do with Christmas--is the perfect time for getting to watch him in action! Jordan, John, and Rhiane dissect this awful Christmas movie and its many flaws, such as having too many goons, a weird rooftop fight scene, how not a single person recognizes Hulk Hogan's character at any point, the illegality of literally stealing property from someone, a bumbling cop, and so much more! Later, the group does a segment of Tag It and All sides. Please leave a...
2022-12-201h 00The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E24: The Roast & Toast of "Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas"It's the most wonderful time of the year, so now we need the most wonderful movie of the year! We watched the Lifetime original movie starring the late Grumpy Cat, and boy is there a lot to say about it. Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss terrible child acting, lame school bullies that are in the movie for one whole minute, the danger of a bird not being in a cage, the terrible casting and voice acting for every character except for Aubrey Plaza as Grumpy Cat, incredibly dark moments for a children's movie, and so much more! Later, the...
2022-12-061h 05The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E23: The Roast & Toast of "Santa Conquers the Martians"It's time for another Christmas film, and this one is (unfortunately) out of this world--Mars, to be exact. Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss one of the absolute worst movies they've ever seen. They point out issues like a furry polar bear before furries were a thing, children being kidnapped by aliens, a lone news station traveling all the way to the North Pole and securing an interview with Santa, a lack of distinguishing identifiers for all the aliens, Santa sassing his own wife, and much more. Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction and All Sides. Please...
2022-11-2240 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS3E22: The Roast & Toast of "Santa Girl"Behold! Stars of our childhood come together to make an absolutely abysmal Christmas film. Jennifer Stone and Devon Werkheiser play in this made for TV movie that primarily takes place in some unfortunate person's house. Together, Jordan, John and Rhiane discuss the movie's many flaws, such as the lack of logic involving Santa's daughter going to college for only one semester, an annoying elf sister, an unbelievable spit scene, Santa having a Ferrari instead of a sled, and soooo much more. Later, they do a segment of Re-cast and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes s...
2022-11-081h 11The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E21: The Roast & Toast of "Knowing"Third time's the charm for Nicolas Cage! It's his third time on the podcast, and we're digging into his sci-fi movie "Knowing" and how awful it is. Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the movies many issues, like having Rose Byrne show up for only 25 minutes of the film, an extreme lack of "Stranger Danger" practices, the phrase "go to the caves," Nic Cage's sleeping and drinking problem, a hard of hearing child using sign language literally twice, Nic Cage making a mess of his home at every opportunity, the strange references to religion, and much more! Later, they do...
2022-10-251h 07The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E20: The Roast & Toast of "Jennifer's Body"It's time to cover the cult classic Megan Fox horror comedy "Jennifer's Body" in another podcast edition of Spooky Season! The gang discuss Rhiane's recommendation, and they altogether agree it is worthy of being a cult classic. They discuss spiky vomit and how it could've been real, a very uncomfortable whoopee scene in which the man doesn't pay any attention to the woman's discomfort, an amazing roundhouse kick to a prison nurse, bunny slippers in prison, a sketchy satanist band, JK Simmons' insane role, and much more! Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction and All Sides. P...
2022-10-1858 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS3E19: The Roast & Toast of "Old"Behold, one of the most depressing thrillers of all-time: "Old"! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss this movie, which may send you into a stage 4 depression, and it's many flaws, such as name drop after name drop, so much racism, confusion about accents, no makeup for people who are supposedly aging quickly, a lack of character changes, six year-olds knowing about sex, a terrifying beetle-reminiscent death scene, and much more. Later, they do a segment of ReCast and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. C...
2022-10-111h 07The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E18: The Roast & Toast of "Killer Sofa"Watch where you sit, you've got to keep your eyes peeled for the Killer Recliner--uh, er, Killer Sofa! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss John's pick for Spooky Season and how its title is misleading, why the female lead is trying to have a relationship with her gay roommate who wants nothing to do with her, witchcraft, Jello blood, why a man is living inside a recliner, the relationship between the old magi and his girlfriend, a pill problem that is never explained, a man having whoopee with a bra and purse, detectives named Grape and Gravy, and a heck...
2022-10-0457 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS3E17: The Roast & Toast of "Hanging Up"Behold, a Nora Ephron flop! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss their absolute disgust for the 2000 dramedy "Hanging Up." They dig into the absolute hatred they have for Diane Keaton's character, how many phones Meg Ryan has, the insanity of the car crash and all the drama that follows it, Lisa Kudrow's lacking presence, a power strut down a hospital wing, Cloris Leachman's literal two seconds in the movie, and much more. Later, they do a segment of and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a t...
2022-09-271h 00The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E16: The Roast & Toast of "Norbit"It's not every day you get a movie that is offensive to all, but that's what you get with "Norbit"! Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down to discuss one of--if not the--worst Eddie Murphy movie ever made. They pick apart the blatant racism, fat-shaming body suit for Rasputia, Rapsutia's misshapen and often newly-sized boobs, terrible jokes but funny fart gags, attention to chicken butt prop detail, the local pimps, and much more. Later, they do a segment of Hallmark Movie Romance, Marry, Kill and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that th...
2022-09-131h 08
The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E15: The Roast & Toast of "License to Wed"If you live for the cringe, then saddle up for our discussion of the Robin Williams film "License to Wed." Jorda, John, and Rhiane discuss their many beefs with this movie, such as Robin Williams' insane role as the world's worst pastor and marriage coach, terrible family dynamics, the lack of chemistry between our main characters, John Krasinski's character being unable to handle 2 weeks of no whoopee, the illegality of bugging someone's apartment, the insanity of planning a wedding in two weeks, and so much more! Later, they do a new segment called Recast, and they also do a...
2022-08-301h 09The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E14: The Roat & Toast of "Life Or Something Like It"We'd like to give a warm round of applause to Angelina Jolie as we welcome her first movie onto the podcast! Jordan, John, and Rhiane have MANY things to say about Angelina's atrocious blonde wig, as well as the fact this is definitely not a rom-com, the awkwardness of the protesting news clip, no love connection between the leads, the authenticity of the psychic, Angelina's crazy willingness to believe the psychic, the "groundbreaking" news interview that lasts a whole 60 seconds, a terrible gun scene, and more. Later, they do a segment of Hallmark Movie Romance, Marry, Kill and All...
2022-08-161h 01The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E13 : The Roast & Toast of "Deadly Detention"Everyone loves the "Breakfast Club," but everybody hates this terrible movie. Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the 2017 thriller "Deadly Detention" and its many issues, such as the laughably bad dialogue, a glass trophy that looks like a dildo, a terrible villain reveal, tasteless whoopee, a weird hype scene, no character development, fake skateboarding skills, and so much more. Later they do a segment of Reenactors and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Check out the Angelina Jolie film "Life Or Something Like It" a...
2022-08-021h 06The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E12: The Roast & Toast of "Plan 9 From Outer Space"If you enjoy watching movies that make literally no sense and have plot lines that impossible to follow, then you need to watch this one. Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down to talk about John's throwback sci-fi film that none of them really understood. They discuss impossible waistlines, terrible screaming, people never reacting, UFO planets, crazy fight scenes, pilots not knowing what to do when passing a UFO, and a lot more. Later they do a segment of Fact or Fiction and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast i...
2022-07-1952 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS3E11: Roast & Toast of Tyler Perry's "Daddy's Little Girls"We can't get enough of tropes, racial stereotypes, and terrible plot lines, so it's time for yet another Tyler Perry movie! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the many flaws with this film, including Idris Elba's rape charge that was terribly explained, Gabrielle Union's terrible attitude, sassy children, the craziness of drug lords, weird club dancing, problematic almost-whoopee, Craig Robinson's amazing cameo, and more. Later, they do a segment of Hallmark Movie Romance, Marry, Kill and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Check out t...
2022-07-041h 16The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E10: The Roast & Toast of "Glitter"We watched "Glitter," a movie that's almost as flawed as the production "Birdemic." Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the Mariah Carey romantic musical (?) drama and its many issues, such as Mariah Carey's inability to act, lip synch, and express emotion, the lack of chemistry between our leads, the crazy and unexplained streaks of glittery paint on Mariah, the legal repercussions of taking someone's voice and using it for someone else, the insanity that was the costume department for this movie, Mariah's cat that appears only twice, and soooo much more! Later they do a segment of Fact or Fiction...
2022-06-211h 10The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E9: The Roast & Toast of "Snake Island"Who doesn't love bad creature features? You know we do! Jordan, John, and Rhiane watched the 2002 film "Snake Island," and they have sooo much to say. They discuss the thousands of snakes (both CGI and real), the crazy nudity, awful snake deaths, the presence of snakes but lack of snake attacks until the final 40 minutes of the movie, snake-smashing, an incredible almost-whoopee scene, underwater sports, the geography of Snake Island, and so much more! Later they double segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of...
2022-06-071h 08The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E8: The Roast & Toast of "The Shaggy Dog"2006 was a really dark time for Tim Allen's career, but that just gives us more material for the podcast! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the flawed and not safe for family comedy "The Shaggy Dog." They discuss problematic issues such as Tim Allen's frequent nudity, Kristen Davis being way too good for Tim Allen, tramp stamps, Spencer Breslin's terrible acting, Robert Downey Junior being on drugs, growling in a courtroom, human-to-dog transformations, and sooooo much more. Later, they do a segment of Tag It and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know t...
2022-05-2459 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS3E7: Roast & Toast of "View From The Top"We really thought Gwyneth Paltrow was going to join us for this episode, but she, once again, fell through and wasn't able to make it. Maybe next time? Regardless, we watched her 2003 comedy, and we have some things to discuss, such as Rob Lowe being in this movie for a whole 30 seconds, Mike Myers' lazy eye, airplane soaps that don't quite look like airplanes, Christina Applegate's character stealing booze, Mark Ruffalo's charm, and whether or not Kelly Preston had breast enhancements in this movie. Later, we do a segment of Hallmark Movie Romance, Marry, Kill and All Sides. Please...
2022-05-1036 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS3E6: The Roast & Toast of "Paparazzi"Who doesn't love a revenge flick? We watched the Mel Gibson-produced 2004 thriller "Paparazzi" whose only stars were there as cameos. Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the highs and lows of this movie, such as a crazy green screen death, incredibly circumstantial evidence, date rape on a boat, living on a boat, well-planned murder plots, being nude at a resort, and a lot more. Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Check out the Gwyneth P...
2022-04-261h 07The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E5: The Roast & Toast of "Taxi"We all love buddy comedies, especially when they involve incredibly altered taxis and a cop who gets guns confiscated only to continuously find another one. We watched the Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon comedy "Taxi," and we have a lot to say. Jordan, John, and Rhiane discusses the many issues of the movie, such as bad bicycle riding, Ann Margaret's amazing performance as an alcoholic, sloppy kissing, living in a garage, Jimmy Fallon being unable to drive and function as a cop, the terrible acting of the models, and more. Later, they do a segment of Best and Worst...
2022-04-121h 06The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E4: The Roast & Toast of "The Lawnmower Man"John wanted a sci-fi flick, so we got him a sci-fi flick! We watched the Pierce Brosnan movie "The Lawnmower Man," and we sure do have a lot to say. Jordan, John, and Rhiane dissect the many issues, like Pierce Brosnan gradual shirtless-ness, Job's terrible haircut, whoopee in virtual reality, lab monkey POV, child abuse, a comic book collection made up of five comic books, religious symbolism, and more. Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a...
2022-03-291h 13The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E3: The Roast & Toast of "White Chicks"Everybody loves a cult classic, but we don't--well, actually, Rhiane does, but Jordan and John don't. We watched the iconic movie "White Chicks" starring two of the famous Wayans brothers, but we don't know who they are at any point of the movie. The gang sits down and gets into Busy Phillips' amazing performance and hilarious one-liners, Rhiane's connection to this movie and how we almost got a celeb on the show, whether or not the use of white face was problematic or not for the time the movie came out, Terry Crews and his rendition of "1,000 Miles," whether...
2022-03-151h 02The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E2: The Roast & Toast of "Left Behind"It's about time we revisited Nicolas Cage, so we watched the religious disaster film "Left Behind"! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the many, many, many problems with this movie adaptation of the hit book series of the same name. Together they discuss Jordin Sparks having only three scenes, how this film would've been elevated with Ashley Tisdale, so much running, Leah Thompson's "rocky marriage" that's due to her religious beliefs, dancing at the mall, crazy guesses as to why people disappeared out of thin air, and so much more. Later, they do a segment of Reenactors and All Sides. P...
2022-03-011h 22The Roast and Toast PodcastS3E1: The Roast & Toast of "The Love Letter"Welcome to season three! To kick off the new season, we welcome back our favorite failed actress: Ellen! She stars in yet another unsuccessful movie, this one being a 1999 romantic comedy (?). Together, Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the movie's many flaws, including Thomas Everett Scott's love attraction, Kate Capshaw's terrible hat choice and inability to run, a completely unnoticed Jack Black cameo, random scene jumps, poor apologies, and so much more. Later, they do a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Check o...
2022-02-1557 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS2E22: The Roast & Toast of "A Madea Christmas"Merry Christmas, everyone! What better way is there to celebrate the most magical time of year than to watch Tyler Perry's 2013 holiday film centered around his iconic creation, Madea? Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down to discuss this troubling holiday film, like how in the world Chad Michael Murray ended up in this movie, Larry the Cable Guy's Prilosec OTC sponsorship, the character Eileen's racism, Alicia Witt's wardrobe, the unmentioned but obvious abuse of Tika Sumpter's student, how a school spends $100,000, and a heck of a lot more! Later, they do a Tyler Perry-centered segment of Hallmark Movie Romance...
2021-12-141h 21The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E21: The Roast & Toast of "Jason X"Behold! The first ever fan-recommended movie! We watched the tenth feature in the murderous Jason Voorhees film franchise, and like all other tired franchises, it all goes down in space! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the many features of this 2002 horror film, including the many deaths via stomach wounds, the death by head in liquid nitrogen, hockey being outlawed in 2024, how many early 2000s horror movies were awful and low budget, so many horny teenagers, crazy nipple fetishes, two characters having access to BDSM outfits, and SO much more. We did do a segment of Fact or Fiction and...
2021-11-301h 02The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E20: The Roast & Toast of "Hide and Seek"Robert De Niro, come out, come out, wherever you are! We watched the 2005 horror movie "Hide and Seek" starring Robert De Niro (with his second time on the podcast) and Dakota Fanning, and we have a lot of thoughts. John defends his appreciation for the film while Jordan and Rhiane voice their distaste for it. However, even John can acknowledge the fact that there are many flaws, like the fact Robert's split personality disorder is never explained, why two people need a giant house, Dakota needing mental help that she's clearly not getting, Famke's illogical almost-death scene, four alternate...
2021-11-1652 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS2E19: The Roast & Toast of "Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor"We've missed our Razzie winners, so we decided to go to a Razzie staple: Tyler Perry! Jordan, John, and Rhiane watch Tyler Perry's highest-grossing drama that doesn't feature him as one of the actors, and boy do they have a lot to say. Together, the gang talks about Judith's crummy therapist office, Vanessa Williams' terrible French accent and lack of French vocab, Kim Kardashian only having one tone and constantly insulting people, the lack of a business model for the match-making company, how the only people supporting Bryce's pharmacy are people suffering from AIDS, Judith's mom being a terrible...
2021-11-021h 12The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E18: The Roast & Toast of "The Astronaut's Wife"We all love a movie about space, especially when they make no sense! So of course Jordan, John, and Rhiane have a lot of say about the 1999 sci-fi flick "The Astronaut's Wife." They discuss whether or not Charlize Theron's character is raped by her husband or not, Charlize dancing while eating whip-cream in the kitchen, Johnny Depp maintaining his country accent for the ENTIRE movie, a lack of explanation as to what the heck the radio waves are, Charlize's character looking high in her death fantasy, and a lot more. Later, they do a segment of Hallmark, Marry, Kill...
2021-10-191h 03The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E17: The Roast & Toast of "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead"We all love a movie featuring a dysfunctional family, but we don't like one where the kids hide the death of a babysitter while their mom is in Australia and one of the kids works while the others do drugs, steal, and don't contribute or do anything with their lives. And unfortunately, that's all there is for this 1991 cult classic. Jordan, John, and Rhiane talk about the movie that doesn't deliver on its title, and they discuss its numerous problems, such as Sue Ellen getting a job in a snap, the poor parenting of a mom running off to...
2021-10-051h 13The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E16: The Roast & Toast of "Krippendorf's Tribe"If you're looking to dig up and discover a great new movie, this isn't the one. Jordan, John, and Rhiane talk about all the ways the 1998 comedy "Krippendorf's Tribe" fell flat, such as the use of blackface, the lack of explanations for literally everything, Jenna Elfman's character being used for a sex tape without her knowing, not having a hero to cheer for, the excessive almost-nudity of the children, and so much more. Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this p...
2021-09-211h 00The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E15: The Roast & Toast of "Dead Heat"Who doesn't love a buddy-cop adventure? And who doesn't like zombies? Well, the 1988 film "Dead Heat" has it all! Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down to talk about what they perceive to be a great bad movie. They discuss major issues such as having an ending where everyone dies, random running in the library, knowing the exact time of someone's death, referring to Mulberry lipstick in order to break someone out of a brain-dead trance, incessant shooting at zombies who are knowingly resistant to bullets, and a heck of a lot more. Later, they do a segment of Tag...
2021-09-071h 07The Roast and Toast PodcastS2 E14: The Roast & Toast of "Wing Commander"It's time to launch into the next frontier: space! But Jordan, John, and Rhiane aren't ready for it after watching the awful film 1999 film "Wing Commander." Together they discuss how none of them really understand the point of the movie, the pointless plot of pilgrims, Freddie Prinze Jr.'s chunky plastic necklace, a Sarah Michelle Gellar poster, the cat-like Kilrathi that only sometimes have subtitles, the character Angel's inability to have compassion, and a lot more. Later they do a segment of Hallmark Movie Romance, Marry, Kill, plus a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review o...
2021-08-2459 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS2E13: The Roast & Toast of "The Stepfather"Blended families are difficult sometimes, as is evident in the 2009 film "The Stepfather" starring Penn Badgeley. Jordan, John, and Rhiane talk about the almost thrilling thriller and its drawbacks, such as having far too many pool scenes, Amber Heard only wearing a bikini or pajamas in her scenes, the indestructibility of flip phones, illegal business dealings at Jackie's real estate company, the stepdad being a real estate agent for two days and then quitting, the unexplained mystery as to why Penn's character was at military school, a new rule of tank for guys, and much more! Later they do...
2021-08-101h 20The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E12: The Roast & Toast of "Birdemic: The Resurrection"Jordan, John, and Rhiane did what they thought could never be done--they watched another James Nguyen film! More specifically, they watched the sequel to the infamous production "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" called "Birdemic: The Resurrection." Together, the gang wholeheartedly agrees that Birdemic 2, unlike it's predecessor, is actually a movie! They discuss the MANY flaws with the film (both carried over from the original production, and completely original issues) such as awful audio quality, the most wooden acting you've ever seen, Natalie giving it her all in her performance, an absolutely unforgivable jellyfish attack scene, unwarranted nudity, an unfounded fact...
2021-07-271h 22The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E11: The Roast & Toast of "I Hate Kids"Who doesn't want a film centered around family? It's too bad you won't find that with the 2018 flick "I Hate Kids." Jordan, John, and Rhiane pick apart the movie and its various issues such as the awful actor portraying Mason, Sydney's undying loyalty to her fiancé, Nick's sluttiness, the obsession for red drinks as props, the mannequin lady, clown college, and a heck of a lot more. Later, they do a double-sized segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Check out the 2013 ro...
2021-07-131h 01The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E10: The Roast & Toast of "When a Stranger Calls"Time for a scary movie! But don't worry, it's far from being terrifying--it's basically PG. Jordan, John, and Rhiane dig into the 2006 thriller that has zero thrills. They discuss issues such as Camilla Belle's inability to act, Clark Gregg's literal 30 seconds in the movie, a very long scarf that needs to be burned, a lack of motivation for anything, having an anonymous killer who isn't relevant to anything, a wasted five minute intro to the movie, heavy breathing, and a lot more. Later they do a segment of Re-enactors and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on...
2021-06-2958 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS2E9: The Roast & Toast of "The Wedding Planner"Love is in the air on, but maybe not for Jennifer Lopez! Upon Rhiane's (or was it John's? We don't remember) request, we watched the 2001 J-Lo and Matthew McConaughey rom-com, and we sure do have some thoughts about it. Jordan, John, and Rhiane talk about the unfortunate story arc of the character Mossimo, J-Lo accepting a proposal with Scrabble tiles, Judy Greer's enjoyable performance, Jordan spotting a bad wig, the waste of only eating brown M & M's, J-Lo's depressing drunk moment, and whether or not J-Lo should've ended up with Matthew. Later they do a segment of Fact or...
2021-06-151h 10The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E8 : The Roast & Toast of "Racing Stripes"Everyone enjoys a good underdog story, ESPECIALLY when it's about zebras racing horses. Jordan, John, and Rhiane watched the 2005 family film "Racing Stripes" upon Rhiane's love and devotion for it, and they sure do have a lot to say about it. They discuss the excessive verbal assault, Whoopi Goldberg getting roped into this awful production, the awfulness of the pelican, people being unfazed by wild animals roaming about, an overload of poop and fart jokes, the horse mafia, and a heck of a lot more. Later, John vies for his second win in Fact or Fiction and the gang...
2021-06-011h 06The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E7: The Roast & Toast of "Marci X"If culture-appropriating movies are your thing, then it's time to watch the 2003 Lisa Kudrow movie "Marci X." Jordan, John, and Rhiane talk about the outstanding flaws in this poor excuse of a rom-com, including, but not limited to, massive moments of racism, Damon Wayans awful acting and voice, Lisa's jokes about her dad being Jewish, the hilarious song titles, all things Christine Baranski in her role as Senator Spinkle, the songs "Power in my Purse" and "In the Butt," and so much more. Later, they do a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes s...
2021-05-181h 03The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E6: Roast & Toast of "Time Trap"Everyone loves a good time travel movie, especially when they don't make sense! John and Rhiane help explain the movie to Jordan's feeble mind, and they all point out the many flaws, such as the Furby's death, having two similar-looking blonde girls in the same movie, the search for hippies, mulitple entrances to the fountain of youth, murderous cavemen, and a heck of a ton more. Later, they do a segment of Tag It and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Check out t...
2021-05-041h 03The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E5: The Roast & Toast of "She-Devil"Behold, the most progressive revenge story ever told, and from 1989 of all years! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss their love for the Meryl Streep and Roseanne Barr film, including Roseanne's business abilities, Meryl Streep being a good mother but terrible person for being with a married man, Ed Begley Jr.'s booty shot, Roseanne's disgusting doughnut make-out scene, the death of Meryl's dog, an incredible green screen explosion, and so much more! Later they do a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a...
2021-04-201h 20The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E4: The Roast & Toast of "Bats"Everyone loves a good creature-feature, so we watched the 1999 horror movie "Bats"--only, it wasn't that good. Jordan, John, and Rhiane point out the several moments of poor dialogue, the thick and terribly fake bats, the resurgence of women wearing only tank tops, the lack of romance and whoopee-making between the leads and how that may be a good thing, bat poison that isn't poisonous, map-pointing skills, and a heck of a lot more. Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction in which John gets his first ever win! Plus there's a segment of All Sides. Please l...
2021-04-061h 11The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E3: The Roast & Toast of "The Family"Are you ready for a family-centered flick focusing on the challenges of fitting in? Sorry, but "The Family" starring Robert DeNiro and Michelle Pfeiffer ain't it. Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down to discuss this awful film and its many flaws, such as anything and everything involving the daughter Belle, Robert DeNiro's pent-up rage, the kid with a mole, the absolute insanity of a newspaper getting from Normandy to New Jersey, not getting any plot information, Michelle Pfeiffer blowing up a grocery store, and a heck of a lot more. Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction...
2021-03-231h 08The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E2: The Roast & Toast of "Teaching Mrs.Tingle"Who doesn't a good revenge movie? Not us! Especially when it's "Teaching Mrs.Tingle." Despite their love for Dame Helen Mirren, Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss their absolute hatred for this moving while going on many tangents to avoid remembering the horror of this film. Together, they point out problems such as Katie Holmes' crazy make-whoopee scene, the lack of any real scares or thrills, the morality (or immorality) of the characters, Molly Ringwald's terrible acting, Vivica A. Fox's literal 20 seconds in the movie, and much more! Later, they do a segment of Fact or Fiction and a segment o...
2021-03-091h 19The Roast and Toast PodcastS2E1: The Roast & Toast of Tyler Perry's "The Single Moms Club"Welcome to season two! It's time for a mom's night out! But if you like bad movies, that will also justify watching this awful chick flick. Jordan, John, and Rhiane pick through the nitty gritty in this Tyler Perry film, including typical racial stereotypes, Amy Smart's abysmal acting (if you can call it that), Wendi McLendon-Covey's character's racism, Amy Smart's character's dialogue about erecting wood, the lack of people having jobs, the name TK and what it might stand for, and SO much more. Later, the gang does a segment of Hallmark Movie Romance, Marry, Kill and All Sides. P...
2021-02-231h 24The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E21: The Roast & Toast of "Moose: The Movie"Who doesn't love a good creature-feature? Not this group of movie-watchers! Jordan, John, and Rhiane only like the bad ones, so they watched "Moose: The Movie," and they sure do have a lot to say about it. There's plenty to cover, such as the town's cannibalism problem, unibrowed puppeteers, no consideration for forensic evidence, Elmer Fudd lisps, unsafe puppets, mail-order bride jokes, and so much more. Later, they do a segment of All Sides and Fact or Fiction. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. We'll be...
2021-02-021h 15The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E20: The Roast &Toast of "Love 'n' Dancing"Are you looking for a film that combines romance with the art of west coast swing? Then find some other movie, 'cause that's not what "Love 'n' Dancing" is about. Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the 2008 flop and it's many problems, including, but not limited to, Amy Smart's terrible acting, whether or not Tom Malloy's character is actually deaf, the insane dialogue, the inclusivity that's ultimately used to make fun of characters, the utter lack of romance, and so much more. Later, they do a segment of Reenactors and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes s...
2021-01-101h 22The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E19: The Roast & Toast of "Unaccompanied Minors"Merry Christmas! In the second and final installment of the Christmas-themed episodes, the gang sits down to roast some chestnuts by the fire, as well as roast the 2006 Christmas film "Unaccompanied Minors." They point out problems such as Charlie's obsession with Santa despite being Jewish, Donna's past trauma and aversion to being touched by people, the wonder of the sledding scene, the character Beef as a whole, the movie's one funny line by Lewis Black, and the lack of care for any child in the movie. Later they do a super-sized segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating a...
2020-12-221h 19The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E18: The Roast & Toast of "Christmas with the Andersons"It's the holiday season, so of course it's time for some bad Christmas movies! We watched "Christmas with the Andersons," a movie that honestly doesn't really exist. The group goes into the many fatal flaws of the film, such as the war on poor people, Christy Carlson Romano's two facial expressions used in the movie, the lack of any plot, the mystery behind the disappearing country accents, whether or not the Andersons were ever that wealthy, the Russian interior decorator, and SO much more. Later they do a sad segment of All Sides and a resurrected segment of Smash...
2020-12-081h 07The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E17: The Roast & Toast of "Fool's Gold"After having watched the worst excuse for a rom-com in the history of the podcast, Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down to discuss the movie "Fool's Gold," marking Matthew McConaughey's second time on the podcast. Together they discuss problems such as the excessive reggae music, Donald Sutherland's terrible British accent, the lack of logic revolving around Kate Hudson remarrying Matthew, Alexis Dziana's atrocious performance, and so much more. Later they do a segment of Tag It and All Sides.
2020-12-011h 06The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E16: The Roast & Toast of "Batman and Robin"Looking for a superhero movie where the heroes have anatomically-correct rubber suits? Then you need to check out "Batman and Robin"! Jordan, John, and Rhiane discuss the infamous 1997 movie "Batman and Robin" which killed the original Batman movie series. Together they dig into the multiple Razzie noms the movie earned, Alicia Silverstone's reprisal of Cher from "Clueless" for this movie, Uma Thurman's yellow kitchen gloves and monkey suit, George Clooney's dull and absent performance as Batman, Arnold Schwarzenegger's immeasurable amount of ice puns, and SO much more! Later, they do a huge segment of Fact or Fiction and a...
2020-11-171h 33The Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E15 The Roast & Toast of "Mr.Wrong"Before she was a victim of cancel culture, Ellen DeGeneres starred in the black comedy "Mr.Wrong"! Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down and discuss everything going on this film, like Ellen's bad acting, Bill Pullman's strange voice and terrible poetry, the lack of logic, so much whoopee-making, Joan Cusack's amazing performance as Inga, and Ellen's lack of initiative to fix her situation. Afterwards, they do a segment of Tag It and All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Also, watch the 1997 movie "Batman a...
2020-11-031h 10The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E14: The Roast & Toast of "Shut In"In the final edition of this spooky season's episodes, the gang roasts the 2016 thriller Shut In. Together they pick apart the many problems with the movie, such as what the heck is going on with Jacob Tremblay's character (is he mute? is he deaf? nobody can tell), Naomi Watts' weary look, Charlie Heaton's stellar performance as a total creep, eating soap, the likeliness of Charlie Heaton pulling of his catatonic state, and so much more. Plus, they do a doubled segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast i...
2020-10-271h 07The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E13: The Roast & Toast of "Birdemic: Shock and Terror"In the most roast-filled episode thus far, Jordan, John, and Rhiane sit down and roast the thing that is "Birdemic." Together, the group refuses to acknowledge "Birdemic as a movie, and they draw attention to the plethora of problems, including, but definitely not limited to, terrible sound quality, one-scratch kills, not getting bird attacks for the first 40 minutes, fake Yoko Ono, awful line deliveries, the boardroom clapping scene, Rod's $1 million sale, Nathalie's career at 1 Hour Photo, atrocious phone call scenes, and the wasted time spent on documenting driving. Later, they do a double-sized segment of All Sides, and there's a...
2020-10-201h 34The Roast and Toast PodcastSE12: The Roast & Toast of "Hush"In another spooky edition of the podcast, the gang sits down to discuss the boring slow burn that is the 1998 movie "Hush." They discuss the several terrible aspects of the film, such as Gwyneth Paltrow's weave, the sexual mother-son relationship, Jessica Lange's insanity and perverted behavior, Gwyneth's crazy NY apartment, too many needles, and much more. Later, they do another double-sized segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Also, watch the 2010 romantic thriller (?) "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" as it will be the to...
2020-10-131h 08The Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E11: The Roast & Toast of "Ma"In the first spooky-themed edition of the podcast, the gang discusses the incredible project that is the 2019 thriller "Ma." They get into Ma's lack of work ethic at her job, Juliette Lewis' training at the casino, Allison Janney's weave, Octavia Spencer's weave, and so much more. And, for extra spooks, they cover double the reviews in a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Also, watch the 1998 movie "Hush" starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Jessica Lange, as it will be the topic of co...
2020-10-061h 29The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E10: The Roast & Toast of "Heartbreakers"In the tenth episode, the gang roasts and toasts the film that inspired Jordan to start this podcast: "Heartbreakers"! Together, the group points out the several flaws of the film, such as Jennifer Love Hewitt's bad attitude, Sigourney Weaver telling Jennifer Love Hewitt to "feel her butt," an incredibly endowed statue, too many plots, whether or not con artists use the word "con," and John's fear of judging wedding dresses. Later, they do a segment of Faction or Fiction to figure out possible casting for this movie, and a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review o...
2020-09-291h 30The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E9: Roast & Toast of "The House at the End of the Street"Once upon a time, Jennifer Lawrence won an Oscar for "Silver Linings Playbook," but before that happened, she starred in the 2012 horror thriller "House at the End of the Street." The gang sits down to roast and toast the many flaws of this strange flick, including the tree that definitely doesn't have a face, crazy dialogue, how JLaw and her mom only wear tank tops, the confusing Carrie Ann/Ryan Jacobson timeline, wet kissing, and Carrie Ann's gutteral animal noises. Plus, they do a segment of Reenactors and All Sides! Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so o...
2020-09-161h 14The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E8: The Roast & Toast of "The Velocipastor"Movies come in all shapes and sizes, but "The Velocipastor" comes T-Rex-sized (even though the movie is supposed to be about velociraptors, but we'll get into that later)! Jordan, John, and Rhiane dig into the 2018 sci-fi flick and its many problems, such as the rules of being a velocipastor, the lack of an origin story of the velociraptor tooth, Father Stuart's racism, Carol's fighting skills, the lack of authentic ninjas, and much, much more! Plus, they reenact a scene during a segment of Reenactors and have a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes...
2020-09-011h 02The Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E7: Roast & Toast of "Country Strong"Have you been searching for a movie that depicts the women of country music wearing tons of jewelry, suffering from alcoholism, and having criminals for parents? Well, look no further, because in this episode, the gang sits down to roast up the 2010 film "Country Strong." Among the main points are Gwyneth Paltrow's bra scenes, Garrett Hedlund's character eating the microphone when he sings, Tim McGraw's anger management problems, infidelity from all characters, and, of course, symbolic baby birds. Later, Jordan quizzes John and Rhiane in a segment of Fact or Fiction and do a segment of All Sides. Please...
2020-08-181h 09The Roast and Toast PodcastS1E6: Roast & Toast of "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"It's time for the first ever rom-com roast and toast! Together, Jordan, John, and Rhiane roast the awful 2009 Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner film. They point out the multiple issues with the movie, such as Matthew's nymphomania, Michael Douglas' dialogue, Lacey Chabert as Bridezilla, and the Stab 'N' Wagon. Later, they do a segment of Best and Worst and a segment of All Sides. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other people know that this podcast is worthy of a toast. Also, watch the country drama "Country Strong" starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Tim McGraw, as it...
2020-08-0452 minThe Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E5: The Roast & Toast of "Jonah Hex"We couldn't get enough of superhero reject movies after watching “Ghost Rider,” so we watched the DC flop "Jonah Hex" starring Josh Brolin as a guy with a gross face who kind of has powers but also doesn't. Jordan, John, and Rhiane point out the many flaws in the movie, including, but not limited to, the heavy metal score of the movie, the lack of explaining what's going on within the first minute of the movie, Megan Fox's accent, bad fire explosions, and they toast Michael Fassbender's amazing performance as an Irishman. Later, they do another amazing segment of All...
2020-07-211h 07The Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E4: The Roast & Toast of Ghost RiderCome one, come all to the first in-person recording of the show! Now meeting face-to-face-to-face, Jordan, John, and Rhiane roast and toast the 2007 Marvel movie "Ghost Rider," starring the amazing, multi Razzie-nominated actor Nicolas Cage! The gang roasts the concept of Peter Fonda's role as the devil--who isn't really the devil, yet is the devil--, laughably bad one-liners, Eva Mendes' Magic 8 Ball, the lack of theology in the movie, the contradicting rules of the Ghost Rider's existence, and martini glasses filled with jellybeans. Later, they do a segment of All Sides and do a new segment called Fact or Fiction. Ple...
2020-07-071h 22The Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E3: The Roast & Toast of "Sleepover"United via Zoom, Jordan, John, and Rhiane roast the 2004 teen comedy "Sleepover" and its MANY issues. They delve into deeply disturbing problems regarding age differences in romantic relationships, sexual predators, the use of a PG rating instead of a PG-13 one, the heavy sexual overtones that none of the characters seem to recognize, constant fat-shaming, and much, much more! Later, they do a segment of All Sides and friend of the podcast Ashley Ward comes back for a segment of Ask Ashley to give her take on her favorite movie. Please leave a rating and review on iTunes so other p...
2020-06-231h 42The Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E2: The Roast & Toast of "What Lies Beneath"Do you love movies that spend nearly half of their time chasing a plot that has nothing to do with anything? If so (and even if not, because this movie is still great), then "What Lies Beneath" is the movie for you! Jordan, John, and Rhiane, once again united via FaceTime, sit down to discuss the supernatural flick from the year 2000 starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford. They point out the many issues of the movie like Michelle Pfeiffer's obsession for her garden that may not even exist, Harrison Ford's consistent anger and shirtless scenes, the insane dialogue between Michelle...
2020-06-161h 21The Roast and Toast PodcastS1 E1: The Roast & Toast of "Term Life"Welcome to the inaugural episode of The Roast & Toast Podcast! To celebrate their first episode, hosts Jordan, John, and Rhiane (via FaceTime) roast (and rarely toast) the 2016 crime movie "Term Life," featuring Vince Vaughn doing a terrible job in a non-comedic performance and Hailee Steinfeld as Vince Vaughn's daughter (and maybe love interest?)! The group points out the many flaws of the movie, including, but definitely not limited to, the pile of trash that is Vince Vaughn's haircut, Jon Favreau's pervy age of consent question, the multiple, unnecessary plots, the confusion of who is who, Vince Vaughn creepily stalking his...
2020-06-021h 21
Geisler's GuidelinesS2 E16: Power, with Susan SilvaTo celebrate the series finale, Jordan invites the guest who helped push him to pursue doing a podcast: his cousin, Susan Silva. Together, the two discuss the meaning of power in their lives, whether they consider themselves powerful, times they've been powerless, and the most valuable kind of power. Later, they engage in Mad Lib Dating Profile where they create people they instantly fall in love with. Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen. The Geisler's Guidelines cover art is thanks to Olivia Buchanan and Susan Silva. Follow Jordan on Instagram...
2020-05-1252 minGeisler's GuidelinesS2 E15: Pain, with Ashley WardJordan’s good friend Ashley comes on the podcast to talk about their problems with pain. Together they delve into the problem with the concept “forgive and forget,” the differences between emotional and physical pain, and the importance of learning to let things go. Later, they play a game of Hot or Not that unintentionally involves a lot of Marvel characters. Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen. The Geisler's Guidelines cover art is thanks to Olivia Buchanan and Susan Silva. Follow Jordan on Instagram @savage_sasquatch78, and if you'd like to sug...
2020-05-051h 18Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 14: Roast & Toast, with John Shupe and Rhiane SteinhauerFormer guests John Shupe and Rhiane Steinhauer (S2 E1) come back on the show to roast and toast (more roast than toast) the heck out of the 2006 flop "Zoom." Together they go through the many plotholes of the movie, how Chevy Chase is essentially Elton John, Courtney Cox's inability to walk, the worst superhero fight in movie history, the disgust of Spencer Breslin's superpower, Tim Allen’s pervy finger, and much, much more! They also introduce a new Roast & Toast segment dedicated to viewing 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 star movie reviews. Later, they play a game of Shoot Your Shot and instantly regret it...
2020-04-281h 42Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 13: Emotions, with Rachel OldhamWelcome to what was originally scheduled as the season 3 opener, but alas is another episode in season 2. In the episode, Jordan makes some very important announcements about the future of the podcast. Jordan's (ex-)wife, Rachel Oldham, comes on the show to talk about emotions. Together, the married couple discusses their most frequently felt emotions, whether they think more with their head or their heart, and how they feel about sharing their emotions with other people. Afterwards, they play a rousing game of Character Profile where Jordan laughs way too hard over someone eating lotion. Please leave a review so o...
2020-04-211h 02Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 12: Siblingships, with Paige Geisler, Lily Vickers, and Olivia BuchananIn what was originally scheduled as the season 2 finale (but is explained at the beginning of this episode), Jordan ropes in his sister Paige (from S1 E2 and S2 E10) and cousins Lily (S1 E4) and Olivia (S1 E5) to talk about their sibling relationships. Together they discuss what they think of their siblings, how their relationship dynamic has changed over the years, and their funniest stories about their sibling. Also, there are amazing tangents including, but not limited to, an almost R-rated discussion on the American Girl Doll puberty book, Jordan's aversion to fruits and vegetables, and...
2020-04-141h 06Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 11: Popularity, with Katie SniderJordan and his long-time friend Katie Snider flashback to their high school days and their popularity. They explain their nearly decade-long friendship and how multiple group projects and classes have brought them to become friends. Together, the two friends discuss how people become popular, Jordan's sandwich model of high-school popularity, and whether they think they were popular or not during their time in high-school. Plus, they look back upon the mythic Viking Bertha. Later, they play a rousing game of Spin-Off. Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen. The Geisler's...
2020-04-071h 09Geisler's GuidelinesSeason 2 Episode 10: Roast and Toast, with Paige GeislerDue to her losing a bet, Paige Geisler comes back on the show to do a Roast and Toast of the 2007 heist movie Mad Money starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes, and Ted Danson. Together, Paige and Jordan discuss the major issues of the movie while covering its very few good points. They discuss the underlining racism and white privilege, not knowing characters’ names, draped sweaters, Martha Stewart, typical stereotypes and tropes portrayed by the characters, and sexual harassment. Later, they play a new game called Mad Lib Dating Profile. Please leave a review so other people know that Ge...
2020-03-311h 12Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 9: Stress, with Tiffany KoernerJordan and his good friend Tiffany spill some tea on all of the stress in their lives. Together they discuss times they've been overly stressed, when they've been driven to tears from stress, and what they think the difference is between stress and anxiety. Later, they play a brand new game about their attraction to celebrities and other famous figures called Hot or Not, and they end up plotting to get a political alliance going on between President Trump and Queen Elizabeth. Also, be sure to watch the movie Mad Money to prepare for the next episode's Roast and...
2020-03-241h 00Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 8: Religion, with Paula KochReturning guest and Jordan's former/still-kind-of-current boss Paula Koch comes back on the show for a discussion about the most taboo conversation topic: religion. Together, Jordan and Paula discuss their personal beliefs, including their perceptions on heaven and hell, negative/positive experiences they've had with religion, the difference between religion and spirituality, the role and reputation of evangelical Christians, and whether or not animals have souls. Later, they play a rousing game of Accent Improv. Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen. The Geisler's Guidelines cover art is thanks...
2020-03-171h 35Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 7: Criticism, with Katherine Taylor (KT)Jordan and his former professor KT talk about the roles criticism plays in their lives. They get into the difference (if any) between criticism and feedback, times they've received good/bad criticism, learning how to keep things to themselves, and how criticism has evolved in recent years. Plus, there's a whole discussion on the sub-topics of control and power. Later, they play an all new game called Shoot Your Shot, which involves drinking terrible drinks and deciphering the truth. Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen. The Geisler's Guidelines cover...
2020-03-101h 09Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 6: Conflict, with Becky SpiesJordan and his former English teacher Becky Spies sit down to talk about conflict. Together, they discuss their distaste for conflict and how they deal with it (like how Jordan watches it on reality TV). They discuss their approaches to dealing with conflict, particularly bad conflicts they've had, the difference between conflict and confrontation, and how conflict with family members is different than conflict with friends. They also go over the dynamic of apologies between parents and children when Jordan rehashes a recent discussion he had with his parents while also revealing how terrible petty he is. Later, they...
2020-03-0358 minGeisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 5: Embarrassment, with Steve and Kelli Van ZantIn possibly the funniest episode thus far, Jordan and his good friends/former small group leaders Steve and Kelly recall their many mishaps and stories of embarrassment. Together, they delve into their most embarrassing moments, times they embarrassed other people, and how they deal with shame and learn to move on. They discuss how embarrassment is both healthy and unhealthy, and how seeing other people embarrass themselves brings out the human in them. Later, both Steve and Kelli set new high-scores for Viral Vocab! Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen...
2020-02-2557 minGeisler's GuidelinesSeason 2 Epiode 4: Body Image, with Keionna BaileyJordan and his great friend and classmate Keionna dive into the concept of body image. Together they talk about their best/worst features, the criticism they've faced over how they look, the power behind taking up space, and what they think the ideal body looks like for men and women. Plus, they settle the debate on whether or not wearing sweat pants to school is OK. Later, they do a Cold Reading about a man needing butt surgery. And, as if the episode couldn't be topped, both Jordan and Keionna do a segment of Screw It. Please leave a review s...
2020-02-111h 05Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 3: Honesty, with Rachel HowardJordan and his humor-appreciating friend Rachel discuss honesty while dancing around the truth of who exactly they're being honest about. Together they discuss the intricacies of white lies, feeling guilty for lying, and whether or not withholding information should be considered lying. Later, they play a game of Florida Man: Real or Unreal? to see if Rachel can beat the highest score. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen. The Geisler's Guidlines cover art is thanks to O...
2020-01-2840 minGeisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 2: Health & Fitness, with Matthew KeckJordan gets more flack than ever before by having his friend (and former podcast host) Matthew Keck on the show. Together (with brand new recording equipment!) they discuss their takes on health and fitness, including their opinions on gyms, body-shaming, and embarrassing moments they've had while exercising. They get on crazy tangents involving Jordan being a dictator and their distaste for Gym-stagramers. Plus, Jordan does his final segment of "Recently On Big Brother" and initiates his first segment of "Screw It": a segment dedicated to ranting. Later, they play a game of Character Profile, which, unfortunately, is mostly destroyed...
2020-01-141h 05Geisler's GuidelinesBONUS! Roast and Toast, with Rebecca BoineyTo make up for the lack of a season 1 finale, Jordan does a Geisler's Guidelines first and has a Roast and Toast of a movie! Jordan and his great friend Rebecca Boiney do a Roast and Toast of the 1994 Tim Allen Christmas movie The Santa Clause. Together, they dissect the issues of the movie while also acknowledging its few areas of merit, including, but not limited to, child acting, Tim Allen's insult skills, the disregard for the concept of time, fat-shaming, a very scandalous deleted scene, a bad dance number, and the need for a prequel depicting an evil Santa...
2019-12-311h 55Geisler's GuidelinesS2 Episode 1: Failure, with John Shupe and Rhiane SteinhauerWelcome to season two, where new games, a new logo, and new segments abound! Jordan explains and apologizes for the lack of a season finale in season 1, but promises to make up for it at a later time. In honor of making it to two seasons, Jordan brings two guests on the show: his good friends John and Rhiane. This is also the final episode with a terrible recording device, so apologies to John that most of his audio in the first twenty minutes is hard to hear. Together, the group delves into the failures of their past (and...
2019-12-171h 07Geisler's GuidelinesEpisode 13: Gender Roles, with Connie DeVriesJordan and his wonderful octogenarian friend Connie dig into how they've experienced gender roles throughout their lives...and it turns out, for the most part, they haven't. Along the way they discuss gender roles within jobs they've had, their thoughts on the worst gender roles for men and women, and whether or not gender roles will ever go away. Later, they give a PSA about crying and Jordan rants about the challenges of not being very athletic. Afterwards, they play Florida Man: Real or Unreal? where Connie ties with Olivia Buchanan's highscore. Be sure to subscribe to the...
2019-11-1252 minGeisler's GuidelinesEpisode 12: Death, with Brooke ZarotnyJordan and his former busmate/tennis teammate/neighbor Brooke Zarotny get spiritual and also depressed as they talk about death. They go over people they've lost, what they believe comes after death, and the concept of eternity. They also go on tangents about their deceased driving test instructor George Washington, car accidents in their own driveways, and the downfall of their old high-school. Later, they play Curse of the Alphabet, a new game revolving around using words starting with specific letters. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a...
2019-10-291h 01Geisler's GuidelinesEpisode 11: Popular Culture, with Matthew and Michele GeislerAfter a lot of deliberation, Jordan finally decides to have his parents be on the podcast--or is it that they let him let them be on the podcast? Together they delve into the many downsides of popular culture...and its few upsides. They discuss the power of fame, how self-absorbed popular culture is, and the ability of spreading awareness through social media. Plus, they spend a solid portion of the episode discussing their distaste for some old and current trends, and Jordan discusses the devolution of Spongebob. Later, they play a game of Modern Slang (now called Viral Vocab...
2019-10-151h 05Geisler's GuidelinesEpisode 10: Wealth, with Jordan BerhowDouble digits means double Jordans! To celebrate episode 10, Jordan gets his good friend Jordan Berhow to come on the show and reunite "Jordan Squared." They talk about wealth and money, a slightly ironic topic for two college students to cover. They discuss the comfortable factor of being middle class, as well as opening motorcycle shops and how they've sold out. Plus, Jordan introduces an exciting new segment about Big Brother. Later, they play In Other Words, a game involving warped movie descriptions. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please...
2019-10-011h 27Geisler's GuidelinesEpisode 9: Family, with Paige TharpeJordan and his good friend/former co-worker Paige Tharpe spill some tea about their families. They talk about what they do and don't like about their families, as well as politics within their families. Jordan discusses how his family portrait was photobombed by a Trump 2020 flag, and Paige talks about how she likes having her family be whimsical. Later, they fail at playing Accent Improv, a game about choosing different accents at random. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well...
2019-09-171h 02Geisler's GuidelinesEpisode 8: Reality TV, with Paul and Alesia BuchananJordan and his "Cougar" and Brotherhood co-founder discuss the wonders of reality television and how trashy it is. Jordan divulges his obsession with Big Brother, Alesia fears she's a bad mom for getting her daughters to watch the Housewives, and Paul denounces all reality television, but is ratted out for knowing everyone's names. Later, they play Spin-off, a game involving on-the-spot thinking and parodies of famous shows, movies, and people. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth the...
2019-09-0356 minGeisler's GuidelinesEpisode 7: Q & A with Mateo StrmoticDespite what Jordan says in the intro, this is actually episode 7. Please excuse the ample white noise as Jordan and his new friend Mateo dig into questions from previous episodes. They talk about how they backed down from risks at college, how important their hair is to them, and how middle-school is a terrible experience (a reoccurring theme that probably won't ever go away). Later, they have a crazy story time where Mateo reminisces about the first time he got drunk and Jordan regales dressing up as President Trump for Halloween. Please leave a review so other people know...
2019-08-2047 minGeisler's GuidelinesEpisode 6: Q & A with Milly PartingtonJordan and his wonderful new friend Milly shake things up by straying from the norm. They go over questions from the first 5 episodes, focusing on insecurities they've had, how miserable their middle-school years were, the difficulty of putting on a front, and how important second, and even third, chances are. Later, they play Modern Slang, where Milly sets a new record! Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss a new episode! Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth a listen. Follow Jordan on Instagram @savage_sasquatch78, and...
2019-08-2040 minGeisler's GuidelinesEpisode 5: Stereotypes with Olivia BuchananJordan and his cousin Olivia sit down to talk about stereotypes. Both of them agree about being labeled as dumb blondes and feeling awkward about liking alternative music. They also talk about how being white de-legitimizes them, the difference between voting for a candidate and voting with your party, and the horrors of middle-school. Later, they play, "Florida Man: Real or Unreal?" where Olivia has to determine how stupid and outrageous Florida men really are. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a review so that other people know that...
2019-08-061h 01
Ready EnoughUnraveling the Imposter Complex with Staci Jordan SheltonStaci Jordan Shelton is one of my absolute favorite teachers. She is a performance consultant and coach working with leaders, creatives, and entrepreneurs to uncover—to unravel—the things that influence and impact their performance, processes, and overall results. Staci is all about releasing Humans from captivity and the tyranny of limited beliefs, behaviors, and binaries—self-imposed or otherwise. By helping humans get free of the lies that hold them hostage, she is helping in cultivating a lifestyle of powerful self-love, self-acceptance, agency, freedom, and abundance. And those lies that keep us hostage? They are the to...
2019-07-3146 minGeisler's GuidelinesEpisode 4: Faith, with Lily and Bailey VickersAfter light pleading and begging, Jordan gets his cousin Lily and cousin in-law Bailey Vickers to be on the podcast. They talk about faith in regards to spirituality and also having faith in people. They discuss how Jordan has no faith in almost anything, how Lily sees the best in people, and how Bailey uses Instagerm, a dating app for grandmas and germs. Later, Jordan has Lily and Bailey do a cold reading with a terrible script he wrote. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a review so other...
2019-07-2359 minGeisler's GuidelinesEpisode 3: Being Self-Conscious, with Jenna CrowellJordan sits down with his good friend Jenna Crowell to discuss how self-conscious they are. They delve into how they deal with criticism from others (mostly siblings) and differentiate between serious problems and problems that seemed serious at the time but weren't. They also discuss how lame pep rallies are, and how angsty and sad Avril Lavigne's music is/was. Later, they play Character Profile, inventing life stories solely based on a person's name. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines...
2019-07-091h 00Geisler's GuidelinesEpisode 2: Passion, with Paige GeislerJordan sits down with one of his best friends (and sister) Paige Geisler. They discuss passion in their current and future careers, as well as things they've done out of passion. They also lament over the woes of Valentine's Day in high-school and give a PSA about buying flowers. Later on, they play Fifteen Shades of Jordan (which isn't as kinky as it sounds) to see how well Paige knows Jordan. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode! Please leave a review so other people know that Geisler's Guidelines is well worth...
2019-06-2559 minGeisler's GuidelinesEpisode 1: Risk, with Bill and Paula KochWelcome to Geisler's Guidelines! In the very first episode, Jordan sits down with his good friends (and bosses) Bill and Paula Koch, and Miah (his co-worker and lovely studio audience) to discuss risk in its many forms--but mostly in regards to jobs and relationships. Later, they play a rousing game of Modern Slang to see how much lingo Bill and Paula know (spoiler alert: they don't know much). Want to share a message with Jordan? Feel free to send a voice memo or email to geislersguidelines@gmail.com, and subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an...
2019-06-191h 102019-06-1800 min