Shows
As Long As I'm LivingLife Update: Alina's Alive BabyIt's official: Alina's daughter outlived Quinn. Bittersweet doesn't begin to cover it...Stay tuned for next week's episode for an update from Judith.:::Support As Long As I'm Living podcast at buymeacoffee.com/alailpodcast OR buy buying our MERCH at bonfire.com/store/alailpodcast!:::Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!:::As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and tr...2025-07-2811 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe Rules to Your Own Game, an interview about boundaries with "chaos coach" Jennifer VentlingIn this episode, Judith chats with Jennifer Ventling about boundaries. What are boundaries? how should you set them? What is the best way to enforce them? More this week on this topic on our Instagram stories!From Jen:"I am a Certified Professional Coach. I specialize in coaching people with chaotic lives. My mission is to combat toxic positivity and messaging such as, “take control of your chaos,” or, “learn how to manage your chaos.” I believe that you cannot manage or control chaos. Suggesting that we can makes us feel as...2025-06-0255 minAs Long As I'm Living2025: Can We Get a B+ Year?It's our annual horoscope episode! Let's see what the stars have in store for us in 2025...
We also talk about Alina's recent "spiritual" massage, and Judith's visit to her astrologer.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Happier New Year: 2022's new year episode, where we talk 2021 and 2022 horoscopes
- We Reject Our 2023 Horoscopes: 2023's new year episode, where we talk about our 2022 and 2023 horoscopes
- 2024 Is Going to Be Our Year!: 2024's new year episode, where we talk about our 2023 and 2024 horoscopes
- Judith's ...2024-12-3049 minAs Long As I'm LivingWe Need a MinuteWe need a minute, post-election. We're going to take a couple of weeks off and re-group, but we'll be back soon with regular episodes!
Xo, Judith and Alina
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Support As Long As I'm Living podcast at buymeacoffee.com/alailpodcast OR buy buying our MERCH at bonfire.com/store/alailpodcast!
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all fla2024-11-1107 minAs Long As I'm LivingLive with the Sad Dads Club (Insta Live Replay)About a year ago, Judith and Alina joined Rob and Chris of the Sad Dads Club for a super fun and casual Instagram live!
We talked about the legacy of our respective loss work (ALAIL and SDC), how our grief has changed over the years, finding a grief support tribe, and so much more.
If you'd rather watch this Instagram live, you can do so HERE!
We'll be back with a regular episode next week!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- The Sad Dads Club...2024-10-2852 minAs Long As I'm LivingLife Update: Something To LoseAre we... happy?
Welcome to our most recent life update, where we talk about how completely, permanently fucked up we are... and also how much joy we have in our lives in a way we haven't since Aiden and Quinn died. Both/and.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- ALAIL | Opening a Time Capsule (and the Instagram post where you can see Judith and Aiden at the coffee shop)
- ALAIL | The One Where Judith Made a New Friend, an interview with Judith's friend Mel
:::2024-10-1437 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe Circle of Loss, an interview about paying grief support forward with Marnina, Michal's MomMeet Marnina!
Judith and Marnina have known each other for 15 years... but they didn't really know each other until they each lost a baby.
Judith lost Aiden first, and when Marnina lost her daughter Michal the next year, Judith became a lifeline for her. This was incredibly meaningful for Judith, who had needed so much care and support from others over the previous year and finally got a chance to pay it forward.
Now, Marnina is a few years out, and she channels the way Judith cared for her as she pays it...2024-10-0750 minAs Long As I'm LivingAlready a MomIn case you missed it, Alina is pregnant! And it's hard.
She went on a vacation a few weeks ago and faced her first "pregnancy after loss" gauntlet of questions that were well-meaning but ultimately extremely triggering. Listen to find out how she dealt with it, and to hear what advice Judith has for her and others in similar situations.
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This episode is sponsored in memory of baby Arthur! You can sponsor an episode of As Long As I'm Living here.
Arthur's favorite book: The Moon is Always Round
...2024-09-3033 minAs Long As I'm LivingBumpy Start, an Alive Baby NICU StoryJudith gave birth to her baby boy a few weeks ago, and while the birth was smooth... the subsequent hours and days were not. It was extremely traumatic for both Judith and Alina, who were acutely reminded that babies can and do die.
Thankfully, Judith's son got great care and is alive and well, and they are adjusting to life at home as a family of 5ish (2 adults, 1 dead child, 2 living children, and 1 dog).
This episode was recorded on the day after Judith's birth, while she was in the hospital, and it was all very...2024-09-2338 minAs Long As I'm LivingInto the Lion's DenIn this episode, Judith talks about how she's prepping as she approaches the birth of a (hopefully alive) new baby.
How is she thinking about naming her son, after her first son died? What of Aiden's clothes will she put on the new baby? Will she do the same religious traditions, in the same way? How is her mental health?
Preparation for a new baby is always a huge undertaking, but it's even more intense when one of your babies has died.
Update: Judith's baby was born, and he's alive!
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2024-08-2636 minAs Long As I'm LivingA Tale of Two Sisters: The New Beginning, our final interview about shifting relationships after loss with Judith's Sister Ilana (3/3)Listen to Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE.
This is the last part of our interview series with Judith's sister Ilana about how their relationship has changed since Aiden died. In this part, Ilana gives advice for friends and family of grievers for making their griever feel supported.
We're using a framework for life transitions Ilana mentions in a later episode by Bruce Feiler:
- The Long Goodbye: where they mourn the "old" relationship
- The Messy Middle: in which they shed old habits and create new ones
- The New Beginning: in which the...2024-08-0525 minAs Long As I'm LivingA Tale of Two Sisters: The Messy Middle, another interview about shifting relationships after loss with Judith's Sister Ilana (2/3)
Listen to Part 1 HERE.
This is part 2/3 in our interview series with Judith's sister Ilana about how significantly their relationship changed after Aiden's loss.
We're using a framework for life transitions Ilana mentions in a later episode by Bruce Feiler:
- The Long Goodbye: where they mourn the "old" relationship
- The Messy Middle: in which they shed old habits and create new ones
- The New Beginning: in which they live into the new version of their relationship
Grab your tissues. This series is a tear-jerker.
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Fo...2024-07-2937 minAs Long As I'm LivingA Tale of Two Sisters: The Long Goodbye, an interview about shifting relationships after loss with Judith's Sister Ilana (1/3)For the next 3 weeks, we're interviewing Judith's sister Ilana about how their relationship was affected after Aiden died. The effect was significant.
We're using a framework for life transitions Ilana mentions in a later episode by Bruce Feiler:
- The Long Goodbye: where they mourn the "old" relationship
- The Messy Middle: in which they shed old habits and create new ones
- The New Beginning: in which they live into the new version of their relationship
Grab your tissues. This episode (and the subsequent ones, too) is a...2024-07-2233 minAs Long As I'm LivingLife Update: Alina's Infertility Era and Judith on Parenting After LossHello! We're here to give you all a basic life update. What's going on with Alina's IVF journey, how is Judith's pregnancy progressing (yes, we also talk about the intersection of these two things...), and an opportunity to marvel at how much we get done when we're together.
Xo,
Alina and Judith
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Ha...2024-06-1725 minAs Long As I'm LivingJudith is Pregnant, Alina is NotThe title says it all.
In this episode, we talk about what it's like for Alina to be NOT pregnant -- again -- while Judith is pregnant -- again. It's harder than the last time, but probably not as hard as you'd expect?
Note: this was recorded back in January, but it's May, and Alina is STILL not pregnant as of the release of this episode. Send wine.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- ALAIL | Loose Threads, a Conversation About Unrealized Dreams
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Follow...2024-05-2022 minAs Long As I'm LivingHello, GoodbyeWe're back from our break to say... we're not coming back (yet).
Alina is not doing well, and because she mainly edits the podcast, that means that we can't keep releasing new episodes right now. That's okay! We'll be back when we're ready.
Content note: Judith is pregnant, and (barely) announces in this episode.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- What a Shame She's Fucked in the Head sweatshirt (Etsy)
- ALAIL | Happy For You, Sad For Me (On Pregnancy Announcements)
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...2024-03-1123 minAs Long As I'm LivingALAIL Recommends: Books For If You Can Read (We're On a Break)We're taking a podcast break, but while we're out, we're sharing some tips/tricks/recommendations from the bottoms of our very random hearts.
This week: If you have regained the ability to read after your baby died, we have some recs for you! Judith's are sweet and fluffy. Alina's are about severe mental illness.
XOXO
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Lessons in Chemistry
- Icebreaker, Hannah Grace
- A Heart that Works, Rob Delaney
- Everything is Fine
...2024-02-2604 minAs Long As I'm LivingALAIL Recommends: Alina's Favorite Hate Watch (We're On a Break)We're taking a podcast break, but while we're out, we're sharing some tips/tricks/recommendations from the bottoms of our very random hearts.
This week: Alina talks about WTF is going on with generational-wealth-holder, beauty-pageant-contestant, homemade-butter-churner, and mother-of-8 Ballerina Farm.
XOXO
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Ballerina Farm at Mrs. World
- Kyte Baby controversy
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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2024-02-0503 minAs Long As I'm LivingWonder Woman, RevisitedBack in our first month of the podcast, we talked about how the "old" Judith and Alina might never be back ever again, but who cares, because we're Wonder Women just the way we are. That said, we hated when people would tell us how brave and strong we were in our first year of the loss.
Now... 3 years out... we feel differently! (And also kind of the same.) Listen to hear how our thoughts have evolved on this topic over the past 2 years. Sending love to all of the Wonder Women, Men, Theys, and Thems out...2024-01-1519 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe One Where Judith Made a New Friend, an interview with Judith's Friend MelToday on the podcast, we're joined by Judith's friend Mel!
Judith met Mel in the neighborhood about a year after Aiden died, and somehow managed to befriend her even though Mel is not a bereaved parent.
In this episode, we talk all about making new friendships after loss. We'll talk more about this on Instagram this week, so check in to see!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- There Are No Words, an interview with widow and greeting card maker Jess Walker of Five Dot Post
2024-01-0844 minAs Long As I'm Living2024 Is Going to Be Our Year!2024, watch out! Don't even bother trying to be bad, because we are going to FORCE YOU TO BE GOOD. We are ready for a good year; we've earned it.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Happier New Year: 2022's new year episode, where we talk 2021 and 2022 horoscopes
- We Reject Our 2023 Horoscopes: 2023's new year episode, where we talk about our 2022 and 2023 horoscopes
- Judith's 2023 and 2024 yearly horoscopes! (Sagittarius)
- Alina's 2023 and 2024 yearly horoscopes! (Capricorn)
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram...2024-01-0120 minAs Long As I'm LivingResilience is a MuscleWe'd like to be a little less strong, but unfortunately we are still flexing our resilience muscles every single day.
We're heading into whatever fresh hell this new week has in store for us, armed with antidepressants, candles, and the new perspective granted to us by the loss. Join us!
P.S. The internet was not our friend during this recording. Apologies for the pure chaos that unfolds as we tried to record a simple life update!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Judith's anxiety meditation
2023-11-2019 minAs Long As I'm LivingOxygen Mask, a conversation about the experience of communal grief amidst global traumaIn case you missed all of the 10 million news stories, a new war has broken out in the Middle East. Judith is experiencing communal grief in real time as the horrors unfold, and it's triggering a lot of her own personal grief.
I (Alina) am really moved by Judith's compassion for everyone involved even amidst an active trauma affecting her community. I'm asking anyone choosing to listen to this episode to set aside their feelings about the politics that led to this situation and listen with open hearts for the grieving.
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Things we...2023-10-1625 minAs Long As I'm LivingDead Baby BirthdayQuinn would have turned three last week, and Alina live podcasted for the lead up to and day of his birthday.
He was born, and then he died. And it's fucked up. He should be here.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- The reel Alina made about searching for a birthday card appropriate for a dead 3-year-old
- Quinn is 3
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor...2023-09-2514 minAs Long As I'm LivingDay in the Life - Alina bought a house, Judith bought a drillWe're trying something a little different this week on As Long As I'm Living... This is a day in the life! We recorded all of our phone conversations for a day, and Alina spliced them together into this only moderately coherent podcast episode. It's a little chaotic, but truthfully that's because our brains are chaotic! We talk about tons of very real stuff and a bunch of nonsense. We hope you enjoy!
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor...2023-07-3124 minAs Long As I'm LivingEgg(s) On My Face: Alina's IVF Journey, Part 1Alina is starting IVF... TOMORROW! (Well, tomorrow as we recorded this episode.)
It's a mixed bag of feelings. Grief, that she has to do it at all. Gratitude, that she CAN do it. Excitement to be finally, finally taking steps toward having a rainbow baby.
There's a short follow-up at the end with the results from her first egg retrieval -- it didn't go great. Stay tuned for her next steps and more on her IVF journey.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- ALAIL: Interviews with Quinn's...2023-07-2434 minAs Long As I'm LivingMore from Quinn's Step-Dad, another very special interview with Alina's new husband, TylerThank you to Tyler, Quinn's step-dad, for this emotionally vulnerable and honest interview.
In this episode, Alina talks to her new husband about what the bad days look like from his perspective, how he takes care of himself while taking care of Alina, the great and not-so-great things about their relationship, and so much more.
Tyler also answers questions from listeners... questions like:
- How has this influenced any conversations surrounding fertility/parenting?
- Do you wonder who the "old" Alina is or grieve not ever knowing her? What do you...2023-07-171h 01As Long As I'm LivingLove After Loss, an interview with Tyler, Quinn's Step-dadAlina met Tyler on Hinge in November 2021, LIVE on an episode of As Long As I'm Living podcast (yes... this is real!). This weekend in July 2023 is their wedding!
Listen to this episode to hear what Tyler's thoughts were when he first met Alina and found out about her traumatic backstory, how he was initiated into the "dead baby club" by Alina (and Judith), and the way he approached supporting Alina in the early days of their relationship when they were still getting to know each other.
Stay tuned for next week's episode, which is...2023-07-1035 minAs Long As I'm LivingLive Again From Boston! (Returning to Work, Alina's Wedding, Chit Chat)It's a holiday here in the US, but here is an episode from when we were together in Boston in March! We chatted about returning to work, Alina's wedding, and more! If you'd rather watch us in action instead of listening, you can do that HERE!
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter...2023-07-0336 minAs Long As I'm LivingGrieving Out LoudAlina posted a reel on Instagram a few weeks ago, and it got big. It somehow found the eyeballs of non-loss parents, and they were NOT comfortable with being confronted with the reality of baby loss.
In this episode, we talk about how it feels to be a part of a movement to reduce stigma, what our approach is to gaining followers (spoiler: we want FEWER followers because that means fewer dead babies...), and the way it feels to have your grief judged by strangers.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
2023-06-1223 minAs Long As I'm LivingIt Still Hurts, an interview with veteran loss parent Jami, Lev's MomMeet Jami, Lev's mom! Jami is a coworker of Judith's, and when she found out that Judith had lost a son, she reached out immediately.
Jami's son Lev was stillborn in 2008, and although she has since gone on to have 4 living children (and 2 additional pregnancy losses), she still grieves Lev's loss every day. This episode is a conversation about the differences between early grief and later grief, but also a conversation about supporting your grieving coworker.
Jami is lovely -- and a podcast listener! We were so glad she came on to talk with us. 2023-06-0550 minAs Long As I'm LivingDon't Give Up On Us (We're Taking a Break)It's not goodbye, it's "we're overwhelmed and need a break, we will see you soon."
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Missing us? Try these podcasts instead!
1. Terrible, Thanks for Asking
Start here: Sad Nora and the Secret Baby
2. The Worst Girl Gang Ever
Start here: Tahnee Knowles - Stillbirth and PAL
3. Guys and Grief
Start here: Episode 1: Introduction (brand new podcast alert!!)
4. Sisters in Loss
Start here: Preeclampsia and Miscarriage and Helping Melinated Moms
5. The Silent Why
Start here: Loss of a Family, with Alina
6. Inside Trader Joe's
...2023-03-2007 minAs Long As I'm LivingFirst Time Moms for the Second Time, More About Parenting After Loss with Zayn's Mom KatieThis is the second part of Judith's interview with her friend Katie, Zayn's mom, who you may know as @BreathingAfterLoss on Instagram. To listen to the first part, where Judith and Katie talk about the struggles of having an alive baby after a dead baby, why they don't fit in with mom groups, and more, click the link below:
Breathing After Loss, an Interview About Parenting After Loss with Zayn's Mom Katie
In this episode, they talk about how exhausting grieving while parenting is, celebrating alive and dead baby birthdays, being a first time mom...2023-02-2730 minAs Long As I'm LivingGood News About Bad NewsJudith got Aiden's results from the Roberts Program (see the episode where Alina got hers for more information on what this is... linked below), and it was good news. But it was good news about bad news, so it doesn't really feel so good. We share our feelings before and after the results meeting.
(P.S. Sorry about the weird audio in part 2!)
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Alina's Roberts Program Results: Answers and Questions
Butrylcholinesterase
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on...2023-02-2028 minAs Long As I'm LivingBreathing After Loss, an Interview About Parenting After Loss with Zayn's Mom KatieYou may know her as @BreathingAfterLoss on Instagram, but we're here to introduce you to Katie, who happens to be a real-life friend of Judith's.
In this episode, Judith and Katie talk about the struggles of having an alive baby after a dead baby, why they don't fit in with mom groups, and more!
Check back in a few weeks for the continuation of this conversation, where Judith and Katie talk about things like how exhausting grieving while parenting is, celebrating alive and dead baby birthdays, and what it's like to be a first time...2023-02-1334 minAs Long As I'm LivingLive from DC! (Q&A Replay)This week (1/18) marks the second anniversary of Quinn's death. To give Alina a break from editing, we're releasing this Instagram Live we did back in November when we were together in DC for our podcast anniversary!
We talk about things like:
How to deal with guilt
Pregnancy after loss
Our music taste and how it changed after our babies died
Whether we'd be friends if we hadn't lost children
... and more!
If you'd rather watch this live instead of listen, you can do that here!
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Follow As Long As I'm Living...2023-01-1641 minAs Long As I'm LivingMeet the Rainbow Baby* Doctor, an Interview with Pediatrician and Loss Mom Dr. Laura ArlingDr. Laura Arling is a Washington, DC-based pediatrician and mom of 3, including her first son, Remy, who died of a rare heart-related condition in his first year of life. She has built a practice around taking care of "rainbow baby* families" -- those who are parenting living children and have also experienced the death of at least one child.
In this episode, we talk to her about the unique considerations she takes into account when treating the children of traumatized parents, and we ask the following questions, among others:
How do you reassure parents who are...2023-01-0957 minAs Long As I'm LivingWe Reject Our 2023 Horoscopes2023: You better not be as f***** up as our internet horoscopes suggest! Listen to this episode to hear what is allegedly in store for us next year. Are you as scared as we are? We reject these horoscopes and have decided to move forward with ease into the next year.
2022... thank you, next!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Happier New Year: last year's new year episode, where we talk 2021 and 2022 horoscopes
- Judith's 2022 and 2023 yearly horoscopes! (Sagittarius)
- Alina's 2022 and 2023 yearly horoscopes! (Capricorn)
2023-01-0225 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe One Where We Help Your Friends Help YouWe get by with a little help from our friends, and now you can too!
This is an episode designed for you -- a grieving person -- to share with your friends, so that they can learn how to support you better. We recap all of the tips, tricks, and lessons learned from our friends who graciously joined us on the podcast over the past few weeks, and we have also included a little glossary of other episodes of our podcast that would be helpful for grief supporters (links below).
If you are the friend...2022-12-2930 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe One With a Friend Who Showed Up, an Interview with Judith's Friend MiriamThere's only a few people in the world you can ask to help edit your dead son's eulogy. For Judith, this person is Miriam.
Their friendship was based on first boyfriends, late-night movies, and sneaking into hotel pools. Fifteen years later, life looks really different, but they're still just as close. Miriam found a way to help Judith carry Aiden's loss even though she never met him in person and this episode is a look at what it looks like when a friend gets it right.
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Other episodes in the Friendship Series!
...2022-12-2653 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe One Where Everyone Did the Best They Could, an Interview with Alina's Friend JuliaThe first thing Judith and Alina bonded over was the fact that they both had pregnant friends named Julia. A few weeks ago, you met "Judith's Julia" and today, we introduce you to "Alina's Julia" in the continuation of our friendships after loss series!
Alina and Julia met a decade ago through Kaylee, who you all know as Quinn's other parent. They spent their twenties in deep conversation and big feelings, and for a while they were on the same track, marrying in 2017 and getting pregnant in 2020. Then... when Julia was 4.5 months pregnant with her first child...2022-12-1949 minAs Long As I'm LivingMediumHave you ever considered seeking the services of a medium to connect with your baby after they died? Judith has! In fact, she booked this session in November... 2021. She has been trying to meet with this guy for over a year, and the moment has finally arrived!
Did Aiden speak to Judith through the medium? Did we learn anything about his death? Are Aiden and Quinn friends in the stars? Listen to find out!
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To join in our fundraiser visit www.buymeacoffee/alailpodcast.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on...2022-12-0531 minAs Long As I'm LivingWill you do us a favor?Hello hello from Judith and Alina, your As Long As I'm Living podcast hosts.
We've been doing this podcast for a whole year now, and we LOVE it. L-O-V-E. It is truly a joy to bring you a new episode each week. That said, we are in this for the long haul, and we are realizing that we need to upgrade our recording equipment and editing platform. Will you help us?
We are trying to put together $500. This will cover a year's worth of 2 things:
1. The pro version of the recording studio we...2022-12-0406 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe One Where Judith Apologizes, an Interview with Judith's Friend RachelWhat you'll hear in this episode is a gut-wrenchingly honest conversation between Judith and her friend Rachel, who she hurt deeply after Aiden's death. We are guessing this will sound familiar to grievers and grief supporters alike. Rachel was not able to be there in the way Judith needed, and so Judith disappeared -- completely.
Grievers are jerks. It's just the truth! When you are going through the most excruciating pain and you are spending all of your energy on breathing minute to minute, you are likely not able to be the best, most communicative friend. We a...2022-11-2856 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe One Where Alina Needed Help, an Interview with Alina's Friend LeahMeet Leah, a.k.a. Zia Leah (Aunt Leah), Alina's friend of 13 years. Alina and Leah met their freshman year of college, and they spent the following decade in various levels of connection but always in touch and with so much love. After Quinn's sudden death, Leah SHOWED UP for Alina in a way that many people couldn't. Listen to hear how she experienced the loss and what it feels to be the friend that someone is relying on so heavily.
This is the second episode in a series we are doing talking about how friendships change...2022-11-1450 minAs Long As I'm LivingThe One Where Judith's Friendship Changed, an Interview with Judith's Friend JuliaToday's episode is the first in a new series talking about how friendships change after loss.
Meet Julia, Judith's friend of 8 years. Judith and Julia's lives were always on the same track, personally and professionally, until Aiden's sudden death in March 2021 when Julia was newly pregnant with her first child, a son. Listen to hear how their friendship has evolved in the 1.5 years since Aiden died and where they think their friendship will go next.
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Other episodes in the Friendship Series!
Leah: The One Where Alina Needed Help
Rachel: The One Where...2022-11-0758 minAs Long As I'm LivingState of the Podcast (Happy anniversary to us!)On November 4th, 2021, we released the very first episode of As Long As I'm Living podcast, just 3 days after the idea popped into our heads. Which means... drumroll... it's our anniversary week!
In this episode, we talk about the state of the podcast: what do we love about it, who works on which parts of it behind the scenes, how has life and our friendship changed since starting it, what is our exit plan, and so much more.
THANK YOU to all of our listeners. We are so honored that you choose to spend some o...2022-10-3137 minAs Long As I'm LivingWhat is Self Care, Actually?In this episode, Alina and Judith talk self care. Not massages, manicures, and 5ks, but the simple things you can do on the days when you're not well. Go drink water!
If you don't have a lot of time in your life for self care right now, this episode is still for you; Judith feels the same.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Loved Momma Fitness: Instagram, website, Recovery After Loss program
- Wonder Woman | As Long As I'm Living
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Follow As Long...2022-10-1037 minAs Long As I'm LivingBruised, Not Broken (featuring classic Judith & Alina rambles, and some updates on Alina's heart)We released an episode with big news about Alina's health this week (NOT a pregnancy announcement), which you can listen to HERE. As we're sure you can imagine, this has been fairly all-consuming for us over the past month, and we are SICK OF IT. Thus, you are going to get this bonus episode about it, but after this, it will be back to regularly scheduled programming. We will -- of course -- talk about Alina's health going forward as we do everything going on in our lives, but this is the last episode we plan to dedicate to...2022-10-0632 minAs Long As I'm LivingAnswers and QuestionsAlina recently got Quinn's results from the Roberts Program, which was investigating his SIDS death to try to determine a root cause. They were worse than anyone was expecting. Listen to hear what caused Quinn's death, how it affects Alina's health, and some of her initial thoughts on this news.
(Recorded September 2, 2022)
Thank you for honoring my need for some privacy about this very tender topic. If you'd like to reach out, send me a message on Instagram or send us an email -- both are linked below. (No advice please, I have a team...2022-10-0325 minAs Long As I'm LivingOpening a Time CapsuleJudith and Alina opened time capsules recently. For Alina, it was showing Judith a day-in-the-life video she made when Quinn was 3 months old: 35 minutes of feeding, laughing, snuggling, snow shoveling, cooking dinner, and all of the other things you do when you have a husband and a baby. For Judith, it was security footage from a trip her family took to the dog park four days before Aiden's death: 2 hours of silent running film capturing her and her husband and dog interacting with newborn baby Aiden, alive.
In some ways, it felt like the first five minutes...2022-09-1227 minAs Long As I'm LivingAll About EMDR, an Interview with Trauma Therapist Rebecca MuniniAlina has talked about EMDR a lot on the podcast, and today we are finally going to talk all about it with Rebecca Munini, Alina's trauma therapist!
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, and it is an evidence-based trauma treatment modality that changed Alina's life. Every week for a year, Alina sat in Rebecca's office and reprocessed the trauma of finding Quinn dead (...and many other things).
What is EMDR? What is trauma, how does it manifest in the body? How is trauma different than grief, and how can they intersect? What does t...2022-08-2943 minAs Long As I'm LivingPerfectly NormalWhat is perfectly normal in grief? Pretty much everything.
Listen as Alina and Judith chat about page 10 in Megan Devine's How To Carry What Can't Be Fixed (the companion journal to the MUST-READ It's OK That You're Not OK). This page covers some symptoms and side effects of grief, e.g. forgetting your keys, memory loss, digestion problems, and interpersonal issues.
What else is perfectly normal for you in grief? Check our Megan's hashtag #perfectlynormal or her Instagram account @refugeingrief for more!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
...2022-08-2223 minAs Long As I'm LivingConsolation PrizeOof... this one is a doozy. This episode kicks off with a few minutes that Alina recorded on a bad, bad day. She felt loneliness, grief, despair, anger, and so many other things. Afterwards, Alina and Judith discuss these feelings, specifically how after your child dies, any other joy in your life can feel like a consolation prize. But is it?
Is the joy we are able to feel sometimes now a cheap plastic consolation prize? Or have we somehow dug up some genuine gold from the ashes of our razed lives? Listen to hear our thoughts.2022-08-1524 minAs Long As I'm LivingStill Breathing, an Interview with Katie Joy DukeIn this episode, Judith and Alina are joined by memoirist and loss mama Katie Joy Duke. This is a thoughtful interview about the power of grief, healing, and connecting to our lost loved ones in the stars.
Her daughter Poppy was stillborn in 2015, and she turned straight to the page to process her grief and found solace and meaning in the community that followed her journey. Just as her dreams of becoming a published author were coming true, she was diagnosed with Stage IV, metastatic breast cancer on March 18, 2022. She is currently receiving chemotherapy and hopes to w...2022-08-0845 minAs Long As I'm LivingJudith LIVE on I Was Supposed To Have a BabyAlina here! Our very own Judith went live on Instagram a few weeks ago with Aimee from I Was Supposed To Have a Baby to talk about Aiden's death, the immediate aftermath, and how her grief has evolved over time. When I say I was BEAMING watching this episode... that is an understatement. I am so proud of her for sharing so openly in such a large public forum. She honors Aiden's life and legacy beautifully, and she gives great concrete tips for grievers and those supporting grievers.
You can actually WATCH this episode if you want...2022-08-051h 07As Long As I'm LivingI Can't ImagineIn this episode, Alina and Judith give PRACTICAL advice about what to say to someone newly bereaved. They even give you a formula:
1. Express your condolences
2. Validate their feelings
3. Carry the loss with them
Listen to the episode for specific examples of how to fill each of these buckets and hopefully provide a small amount of comfort to the griever.
They also talk about what NOT to say, and don't worry if you've said any of these things... Judith and Alina have too. Just try to be better in...2022-08-0138 min
As Long As I'm LivingGreen-Eyed MonsterIn this episode, Judith and Alina talk about the jealousy that has cropped up in their friendship over the past few months... and it's not in the direction you'd think it is.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Alina's interview on the Silent Why podcast
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As Long As I'm Living is...2022-07-1825 min
As Long As I'm LivingGrief Needs a Witness, an Interview with Dr. Denise MandelAlina and Judith are joined today for an interview with Dr. Denise Mandel!
Judith has been working with Dr. Mandel for the last 16 months since Aiden died, and we can't wait to bring her insight into the grief process and compassion for grievers to all of you. In this episode, we talk about what grief therapy looks like, what is normal in grief, when and how to seek help, and tons of other super helpful information for anyone new to grieving or supporting a griever.
Dr. Mandel is a clinical psychologist and grief and loss ex...2022-07-1143 min
As Long As I'm LivingAlive Baby!An episode about feeling happy, recorded together in person! Alina came to DC to meet Judith's new baby girl. We talk parenting after loss, watching your friend have a new alive baby, grieving together in a marriage, and the complicated feelings we have about being happy.
In case the title doesn't make it obvious, we do want to note that Judith's alive baby daughter is somewhat prominently featured in this episode, both in the content we discuss and in the background noises she makes. Definitely skip this one if that will be triggering. xo
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2022-07-0435 min
As Long As I'm LivingFather's Day Wishes from the Sad Dads ClubIn this episode, the Sad Dads take some time to talk about Father's Day as a bereaved dad. They have some wonderful words of wisdom, and we think any bereaved parent will relate to their feelings about this sensitive day. Listen all the way to the end for some bonus content from all 5 of us!
We (Judith and Alina) and the Sad Dads (Jay, Chris, and Rob) are wishing all of our listeners a gentle Father's Day.
You can find the Sad Dads on Instagram @sad.dads.club or online at saddadsclub.com.
...2022-06-1922 min
As Long As I'm LivingThe Sad Dads ClubIt's Father's Day week, and while our listeners know we have a LOT to say, being a loss father is not a topic we feel qualified to speak on. Enter the Sad Dads!
Rob, Chris, and Jay are three friends living in Maine who lost their daughters Lila, Izzy, and Bella to stillbirth. They quickly formed a deep bond over beers and tears, and, from the ashes of stillbirth, the Sad Dads Club was born. Since then, they have welcomed 5 happy, healthy living kids into the world. They have also met and bonded with other Sad Dads, a...2022-06-1348 min
As Long As I'm LivingSignsWhat do an owl, a rainbow, and Andy Grammer's brother-in-law have in common? They are all signs that either Judith or Alina has encountered since their sons died last year. Listen to this episode to hear more about signs from their babies... thank you Aiden and Quinn!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
@iwassupposedtohaveababy (Instagram)
Crisis of Faith | As Long As I'm Living
Our Interview with Jill, Hadley's Mom | As Long As I'm Living
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast...2022-06-0633 min
As Long As I'm LivingA Picture Is Not the Same As Being TogetherPhotos and videos are woefully inadequate substitution for your living breathing baby, but they are all that is left after they die.
In this episode, Judith and Alina talk about the photos and videos they have of Aiden and Quinn. What is it like to look at them? How do they feel about sharing them with others? How did they choose which ones got printed for the walls in their homes? And of course: the dreaded phone lock screen...
This is something we are super curious to hear others' thoughts on... please visit us on...2022-05-3039 min
As Long As I'm LivingBonus! Amateur HourThis episode is a peek into what recording As Long As I'm Living podcast is really like. Spoiler: it's a hot mess.
There are internet issues, devices running out of charge, distractions, and so much more nonsense. This is not unusual, Alina just normally edits it out before we release the episodes for all of you.
In this episode, we *try* to talk about the physical side effects of grief, but we're releasing it as a bonus today because despite there being some interesting content in there, we will absolutely be recording a more useful...2022-05-2725 min
As Long As I'm LivingThere Is No Moving On, an Interview with Jennifer Su, Aeron's Mom (Returning to Work: Part 2)Dr. Jennifer Su is a pediatric cardiologist and the mother of her beloved son Aeron, who died of SIDS in February 2018.
Judith and Alina have... well.... dumb jobs. They both have been able to give themselves the grace to be bad at their jobs in the aftermath of their sons' deaths, but Jenn and her husband, a pediatrician, did not have that option as their jobs are life and death. How did they "move on" from the loss and return to work again? The answer is: they didn't. Loss colors everything.
This is the second of...2022-05-2343 min
As Long As I'm LivingWe SurvivedWe survived Mother's Day! This is a quick little bonus episode of Judith and Alina chatting while they open their mother's day gifts to each other.
Our main episode this week was released yesterday, and it is a great one. We somehow convinced our mothers to come on the podcast and give their thoughts on what it's like to mother a grieving mother.
Click here to listen: Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with Our Moms
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@g...2022-05-0908 min
As Long As I'm LivingMothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with Our MomsMeet the Moms behind the Loss Moms! Judith's mom, Marlene, and Alina's mom, Michele, were gracious enough to be interviewed for a very special Mother's Day episode about what it's like to mother a grieving mother and an outside perspective on how the loss of a child affects his mother.
We think this episode is a fascinating example of how different people respond to the "same" loss.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Blown Away (Netflix)
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @a...2022-05-081h 14
As Long As I'm LivingHappy DaysAlina and Judith are recovering from a couple of happy events that sent them reeling. Everyone knows that the bad days are bad, but sometimes the hardest days are the ones that are supposed to be happy.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier E...2022-05-0230 min
As Long As I'm LivingLive From BostonHi friends! We weren't able to get our act together to record anything new for you this week, so we are throwing it back to December when we did an Instagram live answering listener questions! Some of this will sound familiar, as we've talked about it in other places, but some of it is new. If you'd like to watch this content instead of listen, you can watch the live video recording here:
As Long As I'm Living - Live From Boston!
We have LOTS of good things recorded and scheduled for the next few...2022-04-2521 min
As Long As I'm LivingMarketing After Loss, an Interview with Elizabeth MintonJudith and Alina are joined by Elizabeth Minton, a researcher and professor at the University of Wyoming whom they met last summer as participants in her most recent study.
In this episode, we chat about the horrors of marketing after you've lost a baby. Those incessant Similac mailers, the targeted ads for the baby bouncer you googled that one time, the happy families in every commercial on TV. Is there anything companies can do to make this easier on bereaved parents? And if there is, is it in their best interest to do so, even if it...2022-04-1844 min
As Long As I'm LivingBig FeelingsJudith gave birth to an alive baby last week, and we are not shocked to realize that everything isn't magically better. She is feeling all of the joy and love for her new baby daughter, and all of the grief and loss and love for her son. Alina also talks about how she feels watching Judith hold an alive baby.
We use something called The Feelings Wheel, by Gloria Willcox, to drill down into the various things we are feeling right now. Link below and on Instagram!
This episode could be triggering for some; we u...2022-04-1529 min
As Long As I'm LivingCrisis of FaithAlternate title: An Atheist and a Jew Walk Into a Cemetery!
Alina and Judith discuss how their faith, or lack thereof, has changed since Quinn and Aiden died last year. This topic has been on our list for a while, and we had so much to say about it! We hope you enjoy this extra-long episode.
Confused about any of the Hebrew words we tossed around? Got you covered. Click here!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Loss in the Time of Corona - As Long As I'm...2022-04-1146 min
As Long As I'm LivingMaybe Baby? (Spoiler: Baby!)Listen to 20 minutes of Alina and Judith chatting about the past few weeks -- full of grief attacks, excitement, anxiety, joy -- while Judith has contractions. Is the baby coming TODAY?
Spoiler: she was born, and she's alive!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Empty Arms Syrup Stampede 5k
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As...2022-04-1120 min
As Long As I'm LivingReady or NotAlina and Judith sit down to have a chat about how Judith's new baby will change their relationship, because ready or not, she's coming soon.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma...2022-04-0430 min
As Long As I'm LivingParental Grief, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts ProgramIn this week's episode, Judith and Alina continue their interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program and learn all about his research in parental bereavement. They also ask him listener questions.
Dr. Richard Goldstein is a pediatric palliative care pediatrician who devotes his career to helping families who must deal with the sudden unexpected death of their child. He has worked in general pediatrics, palliative care, bereavement support, and advocacy for families affected by sudden unexplained death. He brings his experience and clinical expertise to the families involved in Robert’s Program, while leading efforts in re...2022-03-2835 min
As Long As I'm LivingSIDS, an Interview with Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts ProgramIn this interview, Judith and Alina talk with their sons' doctor, Dr. Goldstein of the Roberts Program for Unexpected Death in Pediatrics at Boston Children's Hospital, to learn more about SIDS.
This episode feels very important to us. Some of you following have been touched by SIDS in your life, others have not, but regardless, this episode is for everyone who has or will ever love a baby. Please listen.
Dr. Richard Goldstein is a pediatric palliative care pediatrician who devotes his career to helping families who must deal with the sudden unexpected death of...2022-03-2140 min
As Long As I'm LivingLoss in the Time of CoronaIn this episode, Alina and Judith recognize the two-year anniversary COVID-19 hitting the US in March of 2020 by talking about the realities -- good and bad -- of loss in lockdown.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast...2022-03-1428 min
As Long As I'm LivingQ&A! Mommy Wars, Baby Names, and MoreWhy does Judith move so much? How did you pick your babies' names? What's the best and worst thing about having a podcast? How can I find a grief partner or community?
We answer these questions and more... taken from a question box on our Instagram story. Do you have a question we didn't answer? Send us a message!
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Our Instagram! Follow us please!
The Robert's Program for Unexplained Infant Death
Alina's interview on The Silent Why
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2022-03-0837 min
As Long As I'm LivingBaby GrieversAlina and Judith each had 29 years of "normalcy" before their sons died, so at just one year in, they are baby grievers in the grand scheme of things. In this episode, Judith talks about Aiden's approaching death anniversary, and they give themselves a round of applause for surviving a whole year.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Rainbow Rings model of grief
Baby Grievers instagram post, @aslongasimlivingpodcast
Wonder Woman, As Long As I'm Living
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, s...2022-03-0725 min
As Long As I'm LivingEmpty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrichCarol McMurrich is the founder and director of Empty Arms Bereavement Support in western Massachusetts, and she is also a mom of 5. Her first daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor in 2003, and she went on to have 4 more living children. She is one of the first people Alina reached out to after Quinn died, and she met her with an extraordinary amount of compassion and care.
In this interview, we talk about how to support the newly bereaved, discuss common threads Carol has witnessed throughout over a decade of working with bereaved parents, and reflect on support g...2022-02-2842 min
As Long As I'm LivingCharlotte's Story, As Told By Her Mom, CarolIn May of 2003, Carol McMurrich was due any day with her first child, a daughter. Sadly, her introduction to motherhood wasn't as blissful as you might expect, because her daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor. Listen to this bonus episode to hear Charlotte's story, and to hear some background on why Carol was moved to found Empty Arms Bereavement Support a few years later to help parents survive the unsurvivable.
A content note: this episode contains more explicit discussion of infant death than our normal podcast fare, which is why we have released it as a second...2022-02-2824 min
As Long As I'm LivingThe StarlingThe Starling is the only piece of media out there that features a SIDS death, so Judith and Alina wanted to see what all the fuss is about. Spoiler: they didn't like it. They also talk about the way grief and loss are portrayed in the media in general. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
SPOILERS for And Just Like That... (HBO), The Starling (Netflix), and WandaVision (Disney+) ahead.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
And Just Like That... | new Sex and the City reboot
The Starling...2022-02-2130 min
As Long As I'm LivingPuppy LoveJudith and Alina talk about the magnitude of love they feel for Aiden and for Quinn. Is it just puppy love? Will they feel more deeply for their other (hopefully living) children?
They also talk a little about the other kind of puppy love... love for their pups! Special shoutout to Judith's dog, Rosie, and Alina's cats, Miguel and Tulio. Stay tuned to the end of the episode for a special treat: Judith accidentally recorded an hour of her and her dog at the dog park, from her pocket. We put a couple of minutes in here f...2022-02-1438 min
As Long As I'm LivingGrieving Together, an Interview with Aiden's DadWe have another very special guest episode for you! While Alina was in DC, we somehow managed to convinced Aiden's dad (Judith's husband) to sit down and chat with us about what it's like to grieve as a married couple and how it feels to live in a world that barely even acknowledges bereaved moms and tends to leave dads out of the picture. Alina and Judith grieve in similar ways, but Aiden's dad grieves very differently. If you hear us ramble on this podcast about our feelings for an hour a week and absolutely can't relate, this episode...2022-02-0741 min
As Long As I'm LivingPeeking Out of the HoleJudith and Alina record an episode together in DC! They talk about what it feels like to be just sliiiiiiiightly off the bottom, peeking over the top of the hole they dropped into last winter when their sons died.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are...2022-01-3138 min
As Long As I'm LivingOne Year of GriefIn honor and recognition of the anniversary of Quinn's death, Alina (and Judith) reflect on what one year of grief, Year 1 of Grief, has looked like.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Alina's One Year of Grief instagram video
- Rings model for grief support, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman
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2022-01-2438 min
As Long As I'm LivingThe Cutting Room FloorThis is a big hard week (in a big hard month in a big hard year) for Alina, so we're taking a break from regular episodes so that she can focus on remembering Quinn and taking care of herself. Please enjoy some audio that we've held onto from past episodes! We love this content and are glad it is going to see the light of day.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to...2022-01-1718 min
As Long As I'm LivingThe Grief ButtonHow would you describe grief to an outsider? Is it a button in a box? Is it a series of rainbow rings? Is it balls in jars of various sizes? Is it 5 stages? We discuss some of the most common visualizations for grief and decide which is our favorite. We also talk some more about Alina's hard month, and Judith orders Alina dinner.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.2022-01-1031 min
As Long As I'm LivingInto the PlanetsJudith and Alina discuss the preparation they've done in the past for hard days. They also look ahead to January, which will be a very challenging month for Alina in particular, and she expects to disappear into the planets soon, as Judith calls it. Send food!
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Donate to Empty Arms...2022-01-0345 min
As Long As I'm LivingHappier New Year!Just for fun, Judith (a Sagittarius) and Alina (a Capricorn) take a look back at their horoscopes from 2021, and look ahead at 2022. Wishing all of our listeners a happier new year.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- Judith's 2021 and 2022 yearly horoscopes!
- Alina's 2021 and 2022 yearly horoscopes!
- Alina's Grieving Mary recipe2021-12-3119 min
As Long As I'm LivingMeet Kaylee, an Interview with Quinn's (other) parentYou may know her as Chloe, but she is here to introduce her REAL self! Meet Kaylee: Alina's ex-husband, current wife, soon to be ex-wife, and Quinn's (other) parent. Even though she and Alina lost the same baby and the same marriage, their perspectives are very different. Listen to her share about the losses she's experienced this year and the challenges of transitioning while in the throes of grief. We think she has a lot to add, and we were so happy to give her a chance to talk about her life the past year.
Baby loss i...2021-12-2736 min
As Long As I'm LivingThis Episode is StuffedWhat are you supposed to do with your dead baby's stuff? Judith and Alina have a LOT of thoughts about this topic. A LOT OF THOUGHTS. This is a long one!
Content note: in this episode we touch on the circumstances of our sons' deaths for a minute or two. If mention of CPR on an infant, finding a dead body, or anything of the like would be too triggering for you, this might be a good one to skip.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an...2021-12-1350 min
As Long As I'm LivingDecember 1stEverything went smoothly (well, as smoothly as possible) for Judith on November 30th. But for some reason she doesn't actually feel that much better? It's probably because her son is still dead.
Note: lots of discussion of Judith's current pregnancy and her anxiety about it. Please take care of yourself if this content is too triggering for you right now.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
2021-12-0624 min
As Long As I'm LivingNovember 30thOn November 30th, Judith had the anatomy scan for her current pregnancy. She also moved. It was also her son Aiden's Hebrew birthday. And the last day of income for her family from her husband's lost job. It was a big, hard day.
Note: lots of discussion of Judith's current pregnancy and her anxiety about it. Please take care of yourself if this content is too triggering for you right now.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at...2021-12-0623 min
As Long As I'm LivingWonder WomanYour grieving loved ones are so brave and so strong. But maybe don't tell them that? Judith and Alina attempt to explain why.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
- It's OK That You're Not OK - Megan Devine's INCREDIBLE book about grief
- @refugeingrief - Megan Devine's instagram account
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...2021-11-2626 min
As Long As I'm LivingAlina's Bad DayWhen you're grieving, you have good days and bad days. Today, Alina had a bad day.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but...2021-11-1928 min
As Long As I'm LivingThe Audacity of HopeAfter two bummer episodes, Judith and Alina talk about the couple of things in their lives that they can -- occasionally -- feel hopeful about.
Note: This is an episode that has some discussion of Judith's current pregnancy. We will warn you when it starts; please feel free to skip ahead a few minutes if it is too much for you. WE GET IT.
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to...2021-11-1232 min
As Long As I'm LivingHappier Ever After?This week, Judith and Alina talk status. Where are they now, and what has happened in their lives recently? Their lives are sad, but they laugh a lot!
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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at aslongasimlivingpodcast@gmail.com, or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.
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Things we talk about in this episode:
Alina's "Grieving Mary" (virgin Bloody Mary) recipe -- see our instagram!
Roberts Program for Sudden Unexpected Death in Childhood
2021-11-0522 min
As Long As I'm LivingThe BottomJudith and Alina thought they were in the Happily Ever After phase of life, until their sons died, and suddenly, they weren't. They were thrown together by the internet to navigate life after loss, laughing until they cry and crying until they laugh. They are very much at the bottom of a hole right now, the beginning of their story. Listen to them share about their supremely terrible year (they *wish* it was just their babies dying...) and speculate about what their Happier Ever After might look like, since Happily Ever After is out of the question.
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