Shows
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#141 - Are Boundaries a Sign of Disapproval?People have a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. You may hear people say that boundaries are harsh, rigid, a punishment, or even selfish. Some people even believe that sharing boundaries is a way to control others or tell them what to do. Recently, I’ve heard another misconception: setting a boundary with someone is a sign that you disapprove of them. Tune in to learn why this isn’t the case, and how your boundaries are all about you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #141: Whether you disapprove of someone isn’t the focus or the issue w...
2021-07-0718 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#140 - ENCORE - Rest, Don't QuitLately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #113: At this time, it’s norm...
2021-06-3031 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#139 - ENCORE - Extreme Self-Care and BoundariesAt some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #50: At certain points in our lives, each of us needs to go into what Vicki calls “emotional ICU.” This, she explains...
2021-06-2333 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#137 - Trade Your Triangles for Straight LinesAre you ready to trade your triangles for straight lines? Don’t worry, you’re not back in geometry class; this is actually related to the talking boundary. Triangulation is something that we do all the time, but we should all work toward straightening out those lines and practicing direct communication whenever possible. (There are a few notable exceptions, which I’ll also address in this episode.) Biggest Takeaways From Episode #137: Triangulation describes a common but harmful form of communication. To understand it, think of a triangle pointing upward. Person A is at the point o...
2021-06-0923 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#136 - When Someone You Love Is in DangerPeople in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #136: Here are some things to do when your loved one i...
2021-06-0226 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#135 - When Your Ex Doesn't BehaveBefore we start, I’d like to offer you a quick apology! You may not have been able to find the earliest episodes of the show because of a mistake in the podcast settings on the back end. That’s fixed now, and you should be able to access all of the episodes again. And now, onto today’s subject! If you have an ex, especially if you’re co-parenting with them, I’m guessing you’ve had a problem with your ex misbehaving. So what do you do? Tune in to find out! Biggest Takeaways Fro...
2021-05-2637 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#134 - Using the Talking Format (Part 3 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)Are you ready for the third part of my series on the talking boundary? This one is all about a specific process from the work of Pia Mellody: the Talking Format. This strategy is a roadmap around how to share information with another person, and is ideal for challenging conversations. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with how to express yourself effectively in a difficult interpersonal situation, don’t miss this episode! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #134: The Talking Format consists of three parts: Tell the other person about the data you observed to give...
2021-05-1932 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#133 - Speaking to Be Heard (Part 2 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)If you haven’t heard last week’s episode yet, I recommend listening to that one too if you’re interested in this exploration of the talking boundary. In that episode, I covered what the talking boundary is, and what talking boundary violations look like. This time, I’ll move into what it looks like when you have a healthy, effective talking boundary. I’ll also share some questions to ask yourself to help ensure your talking boundary is in great shape. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #133: The first way to use a healthy talking boundary is...
2021-05-1236 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#132 - She Said What?! Part I of A Deeper Dive Into the Talking BoundaryBy special request, I’m doing a deeper dive into the talking boundary. I’ve mentioned this boundary in 25 episodes, but I’ve never gone into the level of depth that it deserves. When your talking boundary is functioning well, you express yourself in a healthy, relational way while sharing your authentic reality. You may be surprised by some examples of what talking boundary violations look like, so tune in to learn all about this important topic! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #132: The talking boundary is the mindful, healthy filter between your thoughts and your words...
2021-05-0536 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#131 - ENCORE - Listening When Trauma Speaks (Dedicated to the Memory of George Floyd)Right now, in the United States, trauma is speaking. Prejudice and racism wounds, and are potentially traumatizing to anyone who experiences them. But listening to another person’s trauma is a challenging thing to do, especially if we perceive that we may have played a part in their experience — even when remaining silent or looking away. Let’s talk about how to listen when trauma speaks. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #93: The listening boundary is the most challenging boundary for most of us. When we feel at fault or like we’re being blamed for trauma, it takes th...
2021-04-2142 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#130 - What to Do When You Regret Saying Yes to a RequestWe’ve all been there: you say “yes” to a request or accept an invitation, then realize that it just doesn’t work for you. But are you allowed to change your mind even if you’ve already said yes? As counterintuitive as it might feel, the short answer is that you always have the right to change your mind. And if you think your situation is an exception to that rule, then this episode is for you! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #130: You always have a right to change your mind, no matter what. This may not...
2021-04-1427 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#129 - What is "Leaky Sexual Energy"?***Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen.*** If you’ve ever encountered someone whose sexual energy seems like it’s just spilling out all around them, you already have an idea of what “leaky sexual energy” is. While it can be hard to pinpoint or define (and isn’t based simply on what clothes someone is wearing), you’ll generally be able to sense it when someone has leaky sexual energy. Tune in to learn more! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #129: Boundaries have two functions: protecting yourself (and/or other peopl...
2021-04-0719 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#128 - Bodies & BoundariesDid you know that tuning into your body is a brilliant source of information about you and your emotions? It can even help you learn about the boundaries you may want to set. The first step is to notice when you feel emotions in your body, and then start identifying which physical sensations track to which emotions for you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #128: Once you’ve noticed the signals from your body, you get to interpret them. You can download this emotions chart based on Pia Mellody’s work for some guidance. Anger, fear, emoti...
2021-03-3120 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#127 - ENCORE - Don't Bite the Bait! How to Respond When You're Feeling BaitedFrom time to time, everyone struggles with biting the bait. And usually the people we feel most baited by are the people we care about the most. But there’s really no benefit to biting the bait, especially if we want to stay connected. Today, I’ll dig into what exactly bait is, and share 11 ways to avoid biting it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #95: The dictionary definition of bait causes us to focus on the wrong thing in interpersonal reactions: the other person’s intent. Instead, think of bait as your internal experience to what another person...
2021-03-2436 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#125 - You Have the Power: Revisiting Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution ProcessIn case you haven’t already heard, I’m holding monthly boundaries clarifier workshops. At these events, we walk through the first four steps of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier. Today’s episode was inspired by something that came up in the very first of these workshops: Step 3 (Identifying Your Power Center) is challenging for a lot of people. That’s why today’s episode is all about this step of the process, and how to decide between your four options. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #125: Identifying your power center is incredibly important. Getting it wrong can lead you t...
2021-03-1050 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#124 - Repeat After Me: I Am Not Responsible For Other People's Feelings!You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. This may feel hard to believe if you tend to immediately feel responsible and guilty when someone is upset with you (as many of us do!). Tune in to learn how to navigate situations where someone else is blaming you for their reaction or feelings, and why it’s so dangerous to believe that we are responsible. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #124: When you find yourself starting to take on the blame for someone being upset with you, start by asking yourself, “is it true that wheneve...
2021-03-0330 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#123 - ENCORE - Extreme Self-Care and BoundariesAt some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #123: At certain points in our lives, each of us needs to go into what Vicki calls “emotional ICU.” This, she explains...
2021-02-2434 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#122 - What Other People Do is 100% About ThemLately, I’ve been focusing on the theme of “return to you.” And getting caught up in the belief that what other people do is about you can get in the way of returning to, or knowing, yourself. So I’d like to dedicate this episode to exploring the fact that what other people do is in fact about them, not you. If that idea sounds counterintuitive or hard to believe, I hope this episode will help explain why I believe so strongly that it’s true. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #122: While the title is just about what...
2021-02-1718 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#121 - Quick Tips #16: When Grandma Pushes Your LimitsSooner or later, every single one of us will feel manipulated by someone. That’s why this episode is for you, even if you don’t specifically have a grandmother who’s pushing your limits. Today I’ll cover some strategies to help you find solutions in these situations. One point that I can’t emphasize enough is how important it is to focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t like. Tune in to learn more, so you’ll be prepared next time you’re feeling manipulated. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #121: When you’re f...
2021-02-1021 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#120 - The Man Cave, Take 2In case you missed it last time, I have an exciting announcement! Next month (February 2021), I’ll be starting a brand new event: a monthly live, interactive boundary clarifier workshop. Sign up here to be the first to get updates! If someone is doing something that you don’t like in any of your relationships, this episode is for you. You may remember Episode 71, when I talked about the man cave. In response to that episode, I got a fascinating listener question, and that’s what I’ll be addressing today. And while your situation may not be exact...
2021-01-2739 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#119- ENCORE - Is Free Speech Really Free?There's been a lot of talk recently about free speech—specifically, news stories about a somewhat infamous media figure who was banned from several major social media sites. It got me to thinking about the limits of free speech, which is all about boundaries. In this episode I'll talk about why boundaries have a lot to do with free speech, as well as how freedom of speech operates in both physical and virtual space. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #28: Although each of us is free to say or do whatever we want, freedom to do what we wa...
2021-01-2029 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#118 - How Your Boundaries Get CalibratedBefore we get into the main part of this episode, I have a big announcement! Starting in February, I’ll be offering monthly workshops to support you as you work your way through the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. Sign up for workshop updates and more details using this link! The idea of calibration is a hugely important one when you’re doing boundary work. This scale for what is standard or normal affects so many parts of our lives, from our initial reactions to people all the way to who we choose to date or to p...
2021-01-1332 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#117 - The Connecting Power of BoundariesHappy holidays! This is the final episode for this year, but I’ll have some exciting news exclusively for listeners next year, and I’m looking forward to sharing that with you. For now, let’s talk about the connecting power of boundaries—because they do actually create connection, despite their bad reputation! I’d also like to invite you to reflect on the ways that you want to be more in alignment with yourself, which is one of the best ways to create more connection with others. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #117: There’s a misconcepti...
2020-12-1620 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#116 - Unique Snowflakes & BoundariesPeople tend to see their situations as special or unique, when in reality, that’s not the case most of the time. But we often get tripped up around exceptionalism when it comes to our boundaries. There are two common “unique snowflake” traps that we all fall into, and I’ll dig into both of them today. Remember that even though your situation may feel exceptional, the principles of the boundary work involved are the same. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #116: The “unique snowflake trap” is the belief that there’s something unique about your situation that...
2020-12-0916 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#115-ENCORE-If I'm Triggered, Are You Responsible?When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune in to learn about triggers, boundaries, and how to respond when you feel triggered. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #78: Triggers are individual and unique to each person, and the possible ways to be triggered are almost endless. Thou...
2020-12-0237 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#114 - COVID-19 Boundary Challenges & the Holidays (Pandemic Episodes)Happy Thanksgiving! This episode is coming out just in time to help you navigate the complexities of holidays in the time of COVID-19 (although the points about safety are always relevant). As we explore this new complex landscape, let's take some time to talk about boundaries, agreements, and the freedom to choose. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #114: When you hear words like “let” or “made” (in the sense of “making” someone do something), they often indicate that the person using them doesn’t fully understand how boundaries work. If you make a request and someone else freely agre...
2020-11-2525 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#113 - Rest, Don't QuitLately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #113: At this time...
2020-11-1830 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#112 - "She Has a Spell on Him." What Should I Do?Have you ever disliked the spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or date of someone you’re close to? Or wondered what your friend or relative sees in that person? Most of us have been there, struggling to understand how someone we care about can fall for (or even seem bewitched by) someone who we find deeply off-putting. Tune in to learn some important questions to ask yourself when you’re in this situation. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #112: It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that another person's partner (often a man’s wife or girlfrien...
2020-11-1127 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#111 - Your Reality is the Only One You NeedIf you’ve ever gotten into an argument with someone else about the reality of a certain situation, or what “really happened,” this episode is for you. The fact is that your reality is what is true for you in the moment, and someone else having a different reality doesn’t mean that yours, or theirs, is either “correct” or “wrong.” Tune in to learn why it’s okay to disagree about reality, and why (as Terry Real says) there is no place for objective reality in relationships. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #111: It’s very common for two p...
2020-11-0423 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#110 - What to Do When People Make You Feel Left OutI’ve definitely felt left out, forgotten, or excluded… and I’m guessing you have, too. This episode, which was inspired by a listener’s question, is about what to do when you feel that way. I’ll do things a little differently this time! Using the question as a foundation, I’ll walk you through the 5-Step Boundary Solution Process. (Follow along with the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier.) Biggest Takeaways From Episode #110: Trying to figure out the “why” of someone who makes you feel left out is generally a distraction and a waste of time. You can...
2020-10-2140 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#109 - Is It Ever Okay to Violate Another Person's Boundaries?The reality is that we violate other people’s boundaries all the time, and tell ourselves that we have a right to do it. But is that true? Is it ever okay to violate someone else’s boundaries? You may already know the answer as soon as you hear the question, but there are a lot of nuances to this complex topic, so we’ll take a deep dive into it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #109: If you have an agreement with another person about something that’s usually a boundary, such as an open phone pol...
2020-10-1429 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#108 - Quick Tips #15: You Always Get to Change Your MindWe’ve all been there: you’ve said “yes” to something, and then later changed your mind or realized that it’s not a fit for you. So what do you do? Are you obligated to follow through with your initial answer, or are you allowed to change your mind? (If you’ve read the title of the episode, you already know the answer!) Let’s talk about how to handle this situation, and how to navigate it gracefully. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #108: While this episode was inspired by a question about wedding invitations, the answer applies to all...
2020-10-0712 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#107 - You Can Ask for Anything (and the Answer May Be No)So many people struggle to speak up or make a request to get their needs or wants met, so I tell you all the time that you can ask anyone for anything. But just as you have the freedom to ask, the other person has the freedom to say “no” if they so choose. (They can also say “yes” or negotiate a different agreement with you.) An email I received recently is a perfect example of both this freedom to ask, and the freedom to decline. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #107: It’s better to ask and get a “no”...
2020-09-3014 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#106 - "Why Don't You Cover Up?"Have you ever felt disrespected by what someone chose to wear (or not wear) around you, your romantic partner, or other loved ones? And what should you do when someone else’s attire makes you feel uncomfortable? The sometimes-difficult truth is that you don’t control what other people wear, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any options. Tune in to learn about your choices in this situation, and what’s within your circle of control. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #106: We have complete power over the limits that we are able to create f...
2020-09-2323 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#105 - Managing "Quarantine Work Creep" (Pandemic Episodes)Almost all of us are struggling with the new landscape of our jobs right now. And in this sudden reality of working from home, it can be a challenge to set healthy work boundaries. Without the separation between home and office, you might be finding yourself working longer hours or feeling like you’re constantly on call. Tune in to learn how to establish healthy work boundaries and avoid letting “quarantine work creep” take over your life. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #105: Get started in managing quarantine work creep by figuring your employer’s expectations of you in terms...
2020-09-1636 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#104 - How to Use Boundaries to Control (Don't Do It!)If you’ve started using boundaries to try to control other people, congratulations! Your boundary skills are likely improving, and you have some knowledge of boundaries. That’s the good news. Now, the bad news: using boundaries to control isn’t a relational strategy, and leads to a loss of intimacy and connection. Plus, when we use boundaries to control, we miss a great learning opportunity to figure out what’s inside (and what’s outside) of our own circle of control. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #104: For most people, the idea of boundaries as controlling doesn’t come as a...
2020-09-0234 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#103 - Can Boundaries Be Gentle?One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re harsh, rigid, or mean, and that they damage intimacy. In fact, boundaries can absolutely be expressed in a gentle way. And that’s exactly what I’m going to talk about in detail today! I’ll share six easy and specific ways that you can express a limit gently. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #103: Sometimes we go from one extreme to another, going from struggling to say “no” to saying “no” frequently or in a way that’s difficult for other people to hear. Here are six ways you can e...
2020-08-2625 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#102 - Should I Make a Request or Express a Desire? (For Women)Women, do you fully understand the difference between making a request and expressing a desire? The concept of expressing a desire as an alternative to making a request is a relatively new one for me, and I want to explore it with you in depth today. I’ll give you some guidelines and suggestions that will help you understand both and learn to use whichever works best for your situation. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #102: Requests are always questions, and there are three possible responses: yes, no, or a negotiated alternative. It will serve you to train yo...
2020-08-1935 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#101 - What to Do When Loved Ones Don't Wear a Face Mask (Pandemic Episodes)Has someone close to you made the decision not to wear a face mask? I experienced this recently, and I know that many of you have faced this issue as well. Today’s episode is dedicated to the topic. To help you understand how you can respond to this situation, I’ll walk you through exactly what I did and said, how it turned out, and the choices you can make when you find yourself in a similar position. And a quick announcement: I’ll be holding another amazing live video call — Clarity Circle — on Friday, August 14th. Learn m...
2020-08-0552 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#100 - 100 Episodes, One Baby Step at a TimeI’m so grateful, amazed, and happy to be here releasing episode #100 of the podcast! And I’m truly humbled by some of the responses I’ve received, and the impact this podcast has had on listeners. Let’s celebrate by looking back on how all this came to be, and exploring some powerful concepts around quality over quantity and creating transformation one choice at a time. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #100: This podcast came from a quick decision, and was launched within a couple months. Since then, it’s been downloaded in over 90 countries and has almost 600...
2020-07-2924 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#99 - Back Off, I Need Some Space!Can you believe that next week will already be Episode #100? Wow! Stay tuned for something special. But for now, let’s talk about a topic inspired by the listener questions archive. Even if you love to get up close and personal with others, there has probably been a time when you wanted someone to just back off and give you space. And yes, this even applies during the pandemic! Tune in to learn how to navigate this situation and create the space you need. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #99: Both during this pandemic and after it...
2020-07-2226 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#98 - 7 Questions to Ask Before Speaking Your Authentic TruthIt’s important to speak your authentic truth, but that doesn’t mean you should do so blindly or recklessly. Today, I want to share seven questions to ask yourself before sharing your authentic truth with someone else to get clarity and ensure that you’re doing it in a relational way. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #98: It isn’t always easy to share our authentic truth. We may not even know what it is, or we may be unwilling to admit to ourselves what it is. Or we may mistake a knee jerk reaction for our au...
2020-07-1538 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#97 - Quick Tips #14: For Clarity, Check It Out!Last week’s episode was a marathon, so I'm going to balance it out this week with a quick tips episode. This one was inspired by a listener’s question that came from a miscommunication around something I said about children having the right to choose their friends. The miscommunication brings up a broader point about checking things out, which I want to explore as a relational tool. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #97: Young children do not get to decide who their friends are. When I said in a prior episode that children decide who their...
2020-07-0813 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#95 - Don't Bite the Bait! How to Respond When You're Feeling BaitedFrom time to time, everyone struggles with biting the bait. And usually the people we feel most baited by are the people we care about the most. But there’s really no benefit to biting the bait, especially if we want to stay connected. Today, I’ll dig into what exactly bait is, and share 11 ways to avoid biting it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #95: The dictionary definition of bait causes us to focus on the wrong thing in interpersonal reactions: the other person’s intent. Instead, think of bait as your internal experience to what another person...
2020-06-2434 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#94 - How Far Can You Go? Sometimes, Boundaries Are Not the AnswerThis is a scary time. So many of us are dealing with fear about what’s happening and what may happen, as well as not knowing what’s going to happen or what the future will look like. So let’s talk about something uplifting, forward-thinking, and expansive, that will stretch us beyond our limited mindset, beliefs, or fears. How far can you go? Biggest Takeaways From Episode #94: The future has always been uncertain, but this year has brought that perspective to the front and center. Even though healthy and effective personal and relationship boundaries are vital...
2020-06-1717 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#93 - Listening When Trauma Speaks (Dedicated to the Memory of George Floyd)Right now, in the United States, trauma is speaking. Prejudice and racism wounds, and are potentially traumatizing to anyone who experiences them. But listening to another person’s trauma is a challenging thing to do, especially if we perceive that we may have played a part in their experience — even when remaining silent or looking away. Let’s talk about how to listen when trauma speaks. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #93: The listening boundary is the most challenging boundary for most of us. When we feel at fault or like we’re being blamed for trauma, i...
2020-06-1041 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#92 - How Face Masks Became Patriotic & SexyThe title may be wishful thinking, but I want to make a case for it! Boundaries are about protection, and in boundaries terms, wearing a face mask is about protecting other people. I want to dig into this today, and talk about wearing a mask as an act of compassion, courage, honor, strength, and patriotism. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #92: Two factors, among many, that contribute to our COVID-19 death rate in the US are our failed healthcare system and our rugged individualistic mindset. In the US, we have under 5% of the world’s population, but almost a...
2020-06-0320 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#91 - Are Boundaries Optional?Last week, I had a totally new realization about a new boundaries framework. I stumbled on another way to conceptualize the way we experience boundaries or limits, and that’s what I want to share with you today. This is all about the hierarchy of boundaries, and whether or not boundaries are optional. Do some of us get a pass on boundaries, or get to decide that boundaries don’t apply? Tune in as I talk about anyone is “above the law” as it comes to boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #91: The hierarchy of boundaries has six leve...
2020-05-2020 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#90 - 7 Ways to Stop Unproductive & Harmful ThinkingHow do you stop or change thoughts that harm you? This time of uncertainty, vocational insecurity, job loss, and other upheavals is the perfect opportunity to explore being more aware of our thinking, and how our thoughts impact our emotions (and our lives). Let’s talk about seven ways you can turn around unproductive or harmful thoughts. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #90: Even in the best of times, our thoughts are usually our worst enemy. Your thoughts create your emotions, and negative thoughts damage your confidence. In other words, our thoughts profoundly influence every area of our li...
2020-05-1331 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#89 - It's Time to Get a Better Schedule! (The Pandemic Episodes)The challenges around structure, limit-setting, and boundaries are continuing throughout the coronavirus situation, so this is another of what I’m calling “The Pandemic Episodes.” What does life look like if it stays the same for many months — or years — to come? When one day blurs into another, it’s so easy to fall into bad habits. Grab a pen and some paper, and get ready for a workshop-inspired episode to help you fix what’s not working in your schedule. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #89: Whenever you want to change something, the first thing to do is to review w...
2020-05-0622 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#88 - Random Thoughts on Quarantine & Beyond (Part 3 of the Global Pandemic Episodes)I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy during this pandemic. A few weeks ago, when I did my first episode about COVID-19, I thought that would be my only episode on the topic. But here I am doing Part 3, because things continue to shift and change. This one will be a bit different than usual, with more of a hodgepodge of random thoughts around the pandemic. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #88: This is a scary time, and a lot of us need comfort during this disorienting experience. Look for the unique w...
2020-04-2939 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#86 - 5 Ways to Have Fun with BoundariesDuring this global pandemic, options for having fun have been whittled away for most of us. This got me to thinking about the intersection of boundaries and fun, and that's what we're going to explore together today! I’ll share five ways to have fun with boundaries, and I hope you’ll come up with your own examples too. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #86: When you learn how personal and relationship boundaries work, they can actually be fun! Expect it to take some time to reach this point, though. One way you can have fun with boundaries is t...
2020-04-1525 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#85 - How a Global Pandemic Is Giving Us a Master Class on BoundariesI hope you are safe, well, and healthy during these uncertain and frightening times. We’re all making adjustments, but I’m profoundly grateful to have my health and to be here to talk to you today. Instead of sticking with my planned topic, let’s take this time to reflect on five specific lessons of the master class that this virus is giving all of us. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #85: Our personal health impacts the whole. It has never been more obvious than it is now that if you’re not taking care of your own healt...
2020-04-0827 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#84 - Boundaries Quick Tips Episode #13: When Being Kind to You Means Saying "I Can't"I'll be taking the next few weeks off from the podcast to get moved into my new home — so excited! This is a perfect example of what it looks like to be kind to yourself, which is what this Quick Tips episode is all about. Learn why self-kindness is so important, how you can figure out the best way to be kind to yourself, and what all of this has to do with boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #84: Most people struggle with being kind to themselves, partly because of a fear of missing out, and partly be...
2020-02-2611 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#83 - Finding Clarity in Not KnowingHow do you feel about not having clarity or answers, or not knowing what to do next? Most of us (including me!) don’t like the feeling. But as hard as it is, I want to make the case for uncertainty as a distinct state in its own right, with its own unique brand of clarity. Tune in to learn how to accept uncertainty as a predictable — yet frustrating — part of life. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #83: The uncomfortable way that we feel about (and react to) not knowing is related to control. If we have a lack of...
2020-02-1920 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#82 - Managing Expectations Wisely (Just in Time for Valentine's Day)A lot of listener questions I get have embedded expectations in them. And while not all expectations are bad, they can definitely get us into trouble. Valentine’s Day is a great example of this. You may be expecting your partner to give you flowers or show up for you in a certain way, but unless you’ve expressed this to your partner or you're not willing to take action on what you have power over, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and disconnection. Tune in to learn how to manage expectations and avoid feeling let down! Bigg...
2020-02-1231 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#81 - Diagnostic Distractions: When Someone You Love is NPD, MEM, ADHD, Bi-Polar, etc.As surprising as it may sound, you shouldn’t tailor your boundary work to the diagnosis of a loved one. Working with hundreds of women over the years, I’ve found that women tend to be more focused on trying to figure out their loved one's conditions and diagnoses, and that's why I’m dedicating this episode to women. In this episode you'll learn why digging into a loved one’s labels and conditions is ultimately a distraction from boundary work, which always starts and ends with you and your reality. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #81: I believe t...
2020-02-0516 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#80 - How Boundaries Supercharge Your SuccessHave you ever considered how your boundaries may impact how successful you are professionally? I’ve always been interested in the intersection of boundaries and business, but I’ve been digging even deeper into the topic recently as I’ve added a few people to my team. Inspired by what I've observed during this process, I'm excited to share today six ways your boundaries make you more successful! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #80: From time to time, reflect on what success means to you. Try to separate your own views and beliefs from what you hear from the me...
2020-01-2928 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#79 - Boundaries Quick Tips Episode #12: What's In Your Circle of Control?There’s a simple reason that this episode on what's in our circle of control is a quick tips episode: our circle of control is pretty tiny! But confusion about what’s inside and outside of that circle is at the heart of many questions I get from listeners so the topic is worth reviewing. Tune in to learn how to stay in your own lane, and what to ask yourself when you're tempted to control. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #79: Our circle of control includes what we have the power to make happen on our o...
2020-01-2218 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#78 - If I'm Triggered, Are You Responsible?When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune in to learn about triggers, boundaries, and how to respond when you feel triggered. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #78: Triggers are individual and unique to each person, and the possible ways to be triggered are almos...
2020-01-1535 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#76 - Balancing Giving & Receiving . . . Just in Time for the HolidaysYou’re probably familiar with the idea that it’s better to give than to receive, but is it true? With the holidays coming up soon, it’s time to explore the important topic of balancing giving and receiving. Many of us are hungry to receive attention, compliments, love, and affection, but still struggle with accepting them. Tune into this episode to learn all about achieving balance and receiving graciously! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #76: Giving relates to boundary work because it’s about offering your time, energy, and/or resources. Making decisions about what you will or won’t...
2019-12-1132 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#75 - Boundaries & Mothers-In-Law***Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen.*** Let’s talk about mothers-in-law! Even though boundaries and rules work the same way across all adult relationships, there’s a tendency to forget this with our parents and our in-laws (especially mothers-in-law). That’s why this episode is dedicated to the often-complicated relationship with mothers-in-law. If you’ve ever felt slighted by your mother-in-law or wanted more connection than she seems willing to give, this is the episode for you! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #75: Keep in mind that if you’re a woman with...
2019-12-0422 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#74 - 8 Phrases to Help You Keep the Peace During the HolidaysHere in the US, we’re officially in the holiday season! But do you feel like the abundance of opportunities to spend time with people are actually stressful obligations? You may find yourself in a reactive (rather than responsive) mode, or feeling triggered or baited. I’d like to give you eight phrases that you can pull out to help you get through this potentially challenging season. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #74: During the holiday season, it’s easy to end up reacting rather than responding. These eight phrases will help you survive the holidays while maintaining your p...
2019-11-2724 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#73 - Boundaries Quick Tips Episode #11: Finding Your "I Can't"As you’ll hear in my voice, I’ve been under the weather lately. This quick tips episode is partially inspired by my recent experiences while sick, when I’ve had plenty of opportunities to say “I can’t.” As you’ll learn today, expressing your “I can’t” is the best choice not only for you, but also everyone who you want to have a close, intimate relationship with. If you’re confused or intrigued by the idea, or struggle with saying “no” or “I can’t,” don’t miss this episode! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #73: Saying “I can’t” is a form of...
2019-11-2011 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#72 - Are There Different "Boundaries Rules" for Loved Ones?Have you ever thought that boundary work is different with loved ones? If so, this episode is for you! Even in my own family, some people expected family members to do certain things that they would never expect from anyone else, just because we were family. Today’s episode will dig into whether there are different rules for boundaries with family or loved ones than with everyone else. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #72: Some people behave as if being family exempts a person from being kind, thoughtful, or respectful. But people don’t get a pass...
2019-11-1319 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#71 - Men, Requests, & The Man CaveWhile this episode is about men, it’s actually intended for women, and addresses a common dynamic between the genders. I’ll dig into how a common desire among women can come across to men as pressure or control, and cause them to go into their "cave." Tune in to learn why it’s so important to let your man go to his cave when he needs to! And if you’re a LGTBQ+ listener, please reach out to let me know if this dynamic plays out in your relationships! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #71: The man ca...
2019-11-0635 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of BoundariesWhen You Get Stuck on Making a RequestThis episode was inspired by another listener's great question on how to avoid getting stuck when you (may) need to make a request. Vicki breaks it down and gives us tips on how to be more specific in our requests and what you say when you want something to stop, or you want a change of behavior from another person. Listen in to hear Vicki’s do’s and don’ts for making requests, tools and strategies for making requests easier, and insight on when the time is right for the best outcome. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #59: Be...
2019-08-1432 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#54 - Above & Beyond Gratitude: Expressing Appreciation for the Ordinary and "Expected”Expressing appreciation and gratitude communicates love to the important people in your life. Understanding how your loved ones receive — or want to receive — appreciation requires both a good talking and listening boundary. When is the last time you expressed gratitude for the small things? Are you confused about expressing gratitude for the "basics" in a relationship due to past hurts? Tune in and learn more about expressing appreciation and gratitude. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #54: Expressing gratitude for small things is essential to using and practicing the talking boundary. Depending on your situation you may also need to p...
2019-06-1918 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#53 - Practicing Healthy DetachmentWondering how detachment relates to boundaries and why practicing detachment is so difficult? Listen close because in today’s episode we dig into the definition of detachment and how properly implementing this skill in our relationships will help strengthen them and our boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #53: Detachment cannot be practiced without boundaries because no matter how you choose to detach, a boundary must be set for detachment to succeed. It is important to recognize the people and situations who you should detach yourself from and why. Sometimes you have to detach from a person completely, an...
2019-06-0532 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#52 - Quick Tips #6: What Not to Do On an Elevator Alone With a WomanThis quick tips episode is officially called “What Not to Do On an Elevator Alone With a Woman,” but it’s actually a boundary rant. Speaking of boundary rants, I’ve been thinking about making rants a regular series on the blog. If I do, I’ll even invite listeners to call in with recorded rants about boundaries, and then play a few on the podcast. If that sounds interesting to you, send me a note! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #52: This episode was inspired by a recent experience in an elevator with a man who was almost cer...
2019-05-2216 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#51 - Intuitives, Empaths & The Personal Energy BoundaryToday’s episode is all about intuitives, empaths, and the personal energy boundary. If you think that sounds a little woo-woo or out there, I get it! If you immediately recognize yourself in the title, I get that too. More than others, this episode may not be for some people—but I think it will be deeply valuable for the people who do resonate with the topic. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #51: The personal energy boundary is our felt sense of another person’s energy. It might not be something obvious that a person does, says, or looks l...
2019-05-1528 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#50 - Extreme Self-Care and BoundariesAt some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #50: At certain points in our lives, each of us needs to go into what Vicki calls “emotional ICU.” This, she...
2019-05-0832 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#49 - Quick Tips #5: 4 Signs Your Boundaries May Be Too HarshHas anyone ever told you that your boundaries are too harsh? Probably so! If they have, this is the episode for you. If you automatically believe your boundaries are too harsh, you will likely lead you down the wrong path. After all, getting pushback on boundaries is usually a sign that, at a minimum, you’re doing something different! It is possible, though, for boundaries to be over-the-top. You’ll learn four signs today that your boundaries have gone too far. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #49: There are times when we need to set boundaries that...
2019-03-2016 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#48 - Relationship Boundaries with Mother Enmeshed Men (MEM)This is the first episode of the month, so it’s dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. Specifically, this episode is a response to a listener’s question about being in a relationship with a man who suffers from mother enmeshment. If you haven’t heard of this term, this episode will clarify what mother enmeshment is, how it develops, as well as what you need to know if you are in an intimate relationship with a mother-enmeshed spouse. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #48: Enmeshment is a boundary issue. It means that there are poor (or no...
2019-03-1345 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#47 - Boundaries With “Avoiders”***Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen.*** This episode is for anyone who needs to learn more about boundaries, but I have a special announcement today for listeners who are betrayed partners. The Friday after this episode airs, I'll be starting a start a five-part class: The Survive and Thrive Blueprint Live Online Mini-Course. Registration is open until February 28 at 11:59 PM! Today’s episode is inspired by a listener’s question about the role of boundaries in relationships with what she calls “avoiders.” Tune in and learn all about how to handle...
2019-02-2737 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#46 - Boundaries Quick Tips #4 | Are You Open to Feedback?Have you ever been given advice, suggestions, recommendations, or feedback that you didn’t ask for or want? Or maybe you tend to offer these things yourself? I was inspired to create this episode shortly before Valentine’s Day, when a blog follower let me know about a typo in an email I sent to one of my lists. Tune in to learn why giving unsolicited advice and feedback is problematic, how to determine whether to offer another person feedback, and what to do if someone offers you their unsolicited opinions or feedback. Biggest Takeaways From...
2019-02-2020 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#45 - 5 Signs You May Be Over-GivingIt's the first episode of the month, and that means we're focusing on boundary issues related to women. While both men and women can struggle with over-giving, women are particularly vulnerable to people-pleasing or saying “yes” to every request. Today, we’ll talk about five signs that you’re over-giving, and what to do about it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #45: Most women will significantly extend — and overextend — themselves for others, but they may neglect themselves in the process. Think of giving and receiving like breathing — giving is the exhale, and receiving the inhale. Both need to be in balance...
2019-02-0634 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#43 - Increase Your Confidence With These 5 BoundariesThis episode all about confidence! Confidence is more important than your experience, your credentials, what background you came from, or any other external factor or feature about you. That’s why it’s so important to protect it! Tune in to learn about five boundaries to help you increase your confidence. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #43: Confidence has a huge impact on how you feel about your past, your present, and your future. It’s often the only barrier between staying stuck or settling, and creating the life you want. Confidence is an experience of esteem, and can be...
2019-01-2325 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#42 - When Your Request Is IgnoredA question I get from time to time that always surprises me: “What do you do when you make a request of another person, and they ignore your request?” Assuming that you know that the other person heard your request, it’s painful to get no response. Today’s episode explores what to do if this happens to you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #42: How you respond when someone ignores your request depends a lot on who you made a request of, the type of request you’ve made, and how important that request is to you. There are...
2019-01-1629 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#41 - Boundaries Quick Tips #3 | Demands & Requests: What’s the Difference?Thanks to all the listeners for the great feedback and questions you’ve been submitting. This episode is a response to a listener’s question about the difference between demands and requests. Tune in to learn about the difference between the two, and whether it’s possible to create a boundary with another person without making a request. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #41: Almost everyone struggles around knowing the difference between demands and requests. Even if you feel you understand the difference intellectually, it can be easy—and tempting—to use demands rather than requests. A request involves a...
2019-01-0921 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#40 - The Listening Boundary Part 3: High Quality Listening = Higher Quality ResponsesThank you for joining me for the third and final part in my series on the complicated—but so important—listening boundary. If you’ve missed the earlier episodes, I recommend that you go back to listen to Part 1 and Part 2. Today, we’ll move from what happens to you internally as you listen to how you may want to respond. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #40: When your listening boundary is working well, you’re not only filtering what you’re hearing, but also paying very close attention to your own thoughts that are generated in response to what was...
2019-01-0229 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#39 - The Listening Boundary Part 2: How It WorksWelcome to Part 2 in my series on the listening boundary! It bears repeating that this is the most complicated of the four primary boundaries, and today, we’ll go straight into the heart of using this boundary in practice.* Biggest Takeaways From Episode #39: Listening with curiosity and the intention of knowing the other person better is the foundation for using the listening boundary well. The closer the relationship you have with someone, the more challenging it is to maintain a strong listening boundary. There are only a few listening boundary violations. Examples include looking away for an...
2018-12-1937 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#38 - Safety & Sensuality (for Women)As with every first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. But men, that doesn’t mean you should stop listening! This information will help men have a greater understanding of women’s experiences of safety, sensuality, and sexuality, which can lead to deeper connection with the important women in your life. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #38: There’s a missing link between a woman’s experience of safety and her sexuality, or between the experience of safety and her sexual connection with a partner, and that missing link is sensu...
2018-12-1232 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#37 - The Listening Boundary Part IA listener asked for an episode specifically dedicated to the practice of the listening boundary. As I started working through what I wanted to talk about, I realized there’s too much to fit into one episode, so this will be a series. This is the first part; the second part will air in two weeks. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #37: The listening boundary is how we take in, filter, and ultimately respond to incoming information, whether verbal or written. This is the most difficult, challenging, and complex of the boundaries, but it’s incredibly important. When you’...
2018-11-2834 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#34 - Women, Choose Self-Care Over Self-SacrificeAs the first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. I’m extremely confident, though, that at least a few men will relate to this one! This topic is inspired by a listener’s question on how to get others to respect your boundaries instead of reacting with blame or shame. In this episode, I’ll give you tools and strategies to navigate these types of situations. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #34: When someone tries to send you on a guilt trip, you get to decide whether or not you’re...
2018-11-0729 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#33 - When You Lose Yourself in RelationshipsDo you ever feel like you lose yourself in your relationships, or like you defer too much to what your partner wants to do? Or maybe you feel like you over-value the other person, and under-value yourself. In today's episode, I answer a listener’s question about what to do when you think you may have given up too much of yourself in a relationship. This dynamic can happen in intimate relationships, friendships, and family relationships. Sound familiar? Then this episode for you! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #33: Knowing what to do if you think you may be...
2018-10-3134 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#30 - Women, I Know Why You Didn't TellBiggest Takeaways From Episode #30: Everything that happens to us is our private information. We get to decide when to share that information, how, and with whom. This is a good starting point for thinking about the topic of sharing experiences involving sexual abuse, harassment, or assault. There are many reasons that a woman might not share her experiences of sexual abuse, harassment, or assault. In today’s episode, you’ll hear about the eight most common: You were told that something bad would happen to you if you told. You were ashamed or felt “icky.” You thought, or were tol...
2018-10-0328 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#29 - 4 Ways Your Boundaries Help Those You LoveThis episode is inspired by a blog comment. I’m often asked how to communicate boundaries in a way that doesn’t hurt or upset the other person involved, or make them unhappy. However, creating boundaries offers benefits not only for yourself, but also for your loved ones. Today, you’ll learn four ways in which this can happen. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #29: When you start learning about boundary work, it can be almost impossible to believe that the important people in your life would have positive feelings about (or might benefit from) your boundaries. There are at...
2018-09-2629 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#28 - Is Free Speech Really Free?There's been a lot of talk recently about free speech—specifically, news stories about a somewhat infamous media figure who was banned from several major social media sites. It got me to thinking about the limits of free speech, which is all about boundaries. In this episode I'll talk about why boundaries have a lot to do with free speech, as well as how freedom of speech operates in both physical and virtual space. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #28: Although each of us is free to say or do whatever we want, freedom to do what we wa...
2018-09-1928 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#27 - When You've Got Nothing But a Hunch, Can You Set a Boundary?Today’s episode was inspired by a listener’s great question. She was completing a 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier, and while working through Step 1 (Knowing Your Reality), she realized she only had a hunch, rather than any hard data. She wanted to know if intuition, or a gut feeling, is enough to go on when you want to set a boundary. In general, the answer is “yes,” but you need to know some specifics before proceeding. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #27: Intuition is "the ability to understand something immediately without the need for conscious reasoning, or a thing tha...
2018-09-1232 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#26 - Navigating & Negotiating Women’s Needs for SafetyAs with every first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. I was inspired by a recent incident in my own life that made me even more aware that there are stark differences between the way women and men perceive safety or danger, and their relative needs for safety. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #26: Boundaries are about protection and creating safety for ourselves and others. If women and men have a different perception about safety in general, their different perceptions can cause upset, challenges, or intense conflict around navigating...
2018-09-0542 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#25 - Part 2 Accountability & Intimacy: Who Decides Whether You're Being Accountable?What do you do if someone is trying to hold you accountable, but you don’t think you’ve done anything to be accountable for? What if you don’t feel sorry or remorseful for a minor mistake that you’ve made? What if someone is using accountability as a weapon and using it as a tool to blame, punish, or shame you? Accountability can be a confusing, complex, and messy topic, and this episode will answer all these questions—and more. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #25: When someone confronts you about something, you need to determine whether yo...
2018-08-2924 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#24 - The Politician (No, Not That One)Today’s episode is all about The Politician. And no, not that one! No matter which politician comes to mind, I’m not talking about him or her. Instead, what I call The Politician is a powerful communication tool that politicians, pundits, and political operatives have all mastered, and one that you should too. It’s a simple tool, but a very difficult one to use. I’ll teach you all about it, and give you tips on how to practice it when you need it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #24: The Politician is a tool you...
2018-08-2227 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#22 - Want More Intimacy? Accountability is KeyWe all make mistakes or break a commitments from time to time—myself included. Just last week, I was supposed to release a podcast episode about women and boundaries, but it completely slipped my mind that it was the first episode of the month. When things like that happen, the key is to be accountable, plain and simple. Sometimes a simple apology is enough, but for higher-level broken agreements or boundary violations, you'll need a higher level of repair or amends. Tune into this episode to learn more! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #22: When you hol...
2018-08-0830 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#21 - Is it Secret or Private? How to Practice Honesty with BoundariesFor most of us, the line between secrecy and privacy can get blurry. If you’ve ever wondered whether something is secret or private, you’re in good company! Most people struggle to tell the difference. Fortunately, there are three simple questions you can ask yourself to determine whether something is secret or private, whether it’s your own information or information someone else has withheld from you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #21: Secret information is intentionally withheld for the purpose of avoiding consequences. In contrast, private information is intentionally withheld for the purpose of creatin...
2018-08-0132 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#20 - Making Anger Your AllyDo you have too much anger? Or not enough? If either of these are true for you, this episode will illuminate the many ways anger can be a gift. I’ll also explore the consequences of not expressing anger appropriately, and teach you how to own your anger so that you can make it an ally. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #20: Most of us don’t have a good relationship with anger. We usually experience anger at the extremes, or we're afraid of it. When you have a healthy relationship with anger, it becomes a gift a...
2018-07-2537 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#19 - When They Go Low… We Go LowerToday’s episode is all about what's called “offending from the victim position.” It's such a crucial concept to understand when it comes to healthy boundaries that I am dedicating this episode to Pia Mellody, who coined the term. I’ll go into depth to explain what offending from the victim position means, as well as why it’s so problematic. I’ll also share some tips to avoid this boundary-less and problematic behavior. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #19: To offend means to cause to feel upset, annoyed, or resentful. Therefore, it’s a subjective experience. When you see yoursel...
2018-07-1836 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#18 - The Knife & The Spatula: Knowing When to Keep Your Mouth ShutToday’s title may sound cryptic and odd, but by the time you’ve listened to this episode, I promise you will totally get it! I'll cover what is called the "internal boundary" using a recent event from my own life that will help clarify exactly what the internal boundary is and how it works. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #18: The internal boundary is the boundary that all of us have—or should have. When you experience an event or situation, you filter that experience through your perception and judgments. You then decide what you think and how yo...
2018-07-1129 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#14: Taking Action! (Step 4 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)After last week’s episode on the topic of women and boundaries, we’re returning to our deeper dive into each step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. This episode will focus on Step 4: Taking Action. If you haven’t already heard the first three steps of the 5-SBS, go back and listen to Episodes #10-12. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #14: When you're planning what action to take, you need to know whether you have a contract (agreement) with another person, or whether it’s just an expectation. Mistaking expectations for agreements can lead to disappointment, frustration, or worse...
2018-06-1335 minBeyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries#9: Introduction to the 5-Step Boundary SolutionIn this episode, you’ll learn the basics of a boundary-setting process I created called the 5-Step Boundary Solution. The 5-Step Boundary Solution (5-SBS) is a step-by-step formula that walks you through the process of identifying, creating, and maintaining healthy and effective boundaries. Although the 5-SBS process can be useful for boundaries of all kinds, it was created and is intended for use in adult-adult relationships. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #9: The five steps of the 5-SBS are: Knowing and Owning Your Reality Identifying Your Needs & Creating Your vision Identifying your Power Center Creating and Implementing Your Ac...
2018-05-0941 min