Shows
A Lifetime of HallmarkMoriah’s Lighthouse Will Guide you to a Baguettes, a Secret Dungeon and Old Lady Not Linked to the Plot that May Shoot You Point Blank in the FaceLes, Kurt, and Jason are celebrating… healthy prostates (and Jason’s Birthday)! Blac Chyna is celebrating a healthy split from her fiancé. And the guys are collectively celebrating the budding romance of Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson! But, there’s thing not being celebrated: the Hallmark Movie Moriah’s Lighthouse. Despite the presence of Luke Macfarlane, this movie is a snooze fest filled with a bunch of likeable people that needed a better plot onscreen rather than the plot that happened offscreen in the past in a dungeon. With no Light Bright, no Lesbianism, and no consequences for smiley faces, th...
2025-08-091h 16A Lifetime of HallmarkThis Shark Season is a Deep Blue Nightmare for Michael Madsen and for UsLes, Kurt, and Jason are back after a few weeks away, and felt it was important to honor the recently deceased Michael Madsen with a SyFy Channel (possibly) movie called Shark Season that ended up on Lifetime retitled as Deep Blue Nightmare. But first, Les has stories about his time in Chicago and about his new Jackie Collins tattoo! Plus, Kurt’s Blac Chyna reports who Tokyo Toni called “a serious zoo animal.” Then, it’s time to dive into the Deep Blue Nightmare where WE ARE THE SHARK in that we are just treading water watching and waiting for some...
2025-08-021h 30A Lifetime of HallmarkAlison Sweeney and Ashley Williams are Sent To Barcelona, With Love to Find Out That Nobody Wants to Read Either of Their BooksLes, Kurt y Jason regresan después de la aventura europea de Jason, así que, por supuesto, ¡Les abrió el programa en español! Jason habla de su amor por Londres (y Titanique y Dua Lipa en el estadio de Wembley), ¡y Kurt tiene una gran noticia sobre Blac Chyna! Después, llega la hora de ver "To Barcelona, With Love" de Hallmark, la primera de una serie de dos partes que se arruina por completo (en cuanto a la trama) por los incesantes anuncios de la segunda parte, en parte porque ya no existe el cable codificado. ¿Está nevando en Ba...
2025-07-081h 25A Lifetime of HallmarkEither a Beej or a Finger Results in A Kidnapping in Amish CountryLes, Kurt, and Jason are back to talk about the biggest stories of the week, the protests in Los Angeles and Mariah Carey making a surprise appearance at The Eagle (you’ll never think of the song “Hero” in quite the same way). Plus, Les tells us about his experience at an official Hallmark FYC event and Kurt has big Blac Chyna news! Then it’s time to head to the farm in Lifetime’s “A Kidnapping in Amish Country” which features an epically bad beard, a villain whose nastiness has nothing to do with the plot of this movie, and a v...
2025-06-131h 36A Lifetime of HallmarkFake Royalty and a Black Hoodie is a Rich Person’s Rumspringa for ElsbethLes, Kurt, and Jason have been MIA for a month, so Elsbeth got on the case to find out where they’ve been (Bikini Katie says Hi to Kurt!). After celebrating the birth of Blac Chyna, the guys take a look at CBS’s Elsbeth. After Les has been singing the praises of the lady detective, he finally asked/forced Kurt and Jason to watch an episode featuring a Lifetime-esque black hoodie AND Hallmark-esque fake royalty. And a transnational terror cell of princesses. And least Elsbeth is rave ready at a moment’s notice.
Bluesky: lifetim...
2025-06-0651 minA Lifetime of HallmarkSigned, Sealed, Delivered - To the Moon and Back is CSI: USPS with a Special Disgusting Delivery to an Ancient WellLes, Kurt, and Jason fall into one of 3 distinct categories of people for this week’s movie: podcasters, people in an open MRI, and people in assisted living, huzzah! But the guys would rather talk about other things like Tokyo Toni’s 5 (or is it 6) marriages, and her ex John E. Depth. Mr. Depth may be poking at Les’ opening at Circus of Books (but not in the same way Maya Angelou poked Jason on Facebook). The guys do eventually talk Hallmark’s Signed, Sealed, and Delivered: To the Moon and Back which is apparently part of a series of movie...
2025-05-051h 02A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Sins of My Husband Include Not Filling Out a Real Estate Abduction Disclosure FormLes, Kurt, and Jason finally start recording after Les is distracted by husbands who hate their actor wives. Then we learn that Kurt wants to give the White Lotus lady boy speech at his class reunion and Les bout a book about veganism autographed by Linda Blair in the 90’s. Plus Jason questions why there is Blac Chyna news about why she doesn’t need to share news about herself. Then, it’s time to go down into the airtight bunker of Lifetime’s Sins of My Husband. Is the Park Ranger Academy for the Dramatic Arts handing out a bunch...
2025-04-281h 42A Lifetime of HallmarkHearts Around the Table: Kiki’s Fourth Ingredient is Mindy Cohn on Two Ladders Trying To Figure Out Why There Are So Many Characters in This MovieLes, Kurt, and Jason finally start the show on their fourth try only to immediately get sidetracked talking about Haley Joel Osment’s arrest and Jason’s VERY unpopular opinions about The Breakfast Club. Then Kurt reveals that he’s made some progress with his quest to get Natalia Grace on the show (something Les is fully onboard with, too). In Blac Chyna news, Tokio Toni really just wants to make some beats, so she opens up her home and it doesn’t end well. Then, it’s time to set the table for Hallmark’s Hearts Around the Table: Kiki’...
2025-04-171h 42A Lifetime of HallmarkEllen Pompeo and Mark Duplass Adopt Natalia Grace to Form a Good American Family That Enjoys Soft MeatLes, Kurt, and Jason haven’t stopped referencing the Hulu limited series Good American Family about the family that adopted Natalia Grace, so this week they decided to actually watch an episode for the podcast! But first, Les started texting EVERYONE to let them know about his perfect colon (obviously), and Kurt has some Blac Chyna news… as well as some Donny Most news! Plus, Jason vision boards his dream lineup of guests for the podcast: an episode featuring Blac Chyna, Natalia Grace, and the Pornhub math guy. Then it’s time to spill some seed, rock out to Hey So...
2025-04-101h 17A Lifetime of HallmarkMy Husband’s Seven Wives Made a Tater Tot Casserole for Two Charming CriminalsLes, Kurt, and Jason start things off from a tense place because Les was not prepared for what he’d experienced watching Hulu’s “Good American Family” about the Natalia Grace / Zelda Rubenstein saga (which should have starred June Squibb). Then Kurt has Blac Chyna news about her giving back after the Eaton Fire… but Jason questions exactly WHAT she (and the charity and Access Hollywood) are actually doing to actually give back (nobody knows). Then it’s time to walk the aisle with Lifetime’s My Husband’s Seven Wives which, according to the movie, opens a Pandora’s box of bigamy. S...
2025-04-031h 21A Lifetime of HallmarkUse Opera Glasses to See Amy Smart, Billy Zane, Ne-Yo, and Greer Grammer Held Hostage in My House Making Hobo Dinners with Jason DubrayLes, Kurt, and Jason are joined by friend of the pod Jason Dubray of The Shelf Shedding Movie Show podcast (@the_shelf_shedding_movie_show), and the guys all have OPINIONS about The Academy Awards (but somehow neglected to talk about the fantastic June Squibb bit). Blac Chyna has been sober for 900 days, and that leads to a discussion about apps for tracking ones sobriety. Les saw a public proposal (gasp) at The Eagle (double gasp) in front of a crowd that was there to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race (triple gasp). Then it’s time to go down the...
2025-03-111h 48A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Wish Swap May Be Lacking Details, but at Least There is Breakfast CakeLes, Kurt, and Jason were ready to rub the lamp, throw a coin in a fountain, or blow out a candle to conjure up SOMETHING from this week’s movie, Hallmark’s The Wish Swap, but so far they haven’t had any traction. Blac Chyna is getting traction for an appearance on Piers Morgan’s show, and Maya Rudolph is getting an apology from Kurt if Les and Jason have any say! Then it’s time to wish that something happens in The Wish Swap, but the movie can’t even produce simple details like a town where the movie is...
2025-03-031h 36A Lifetime of HallmarkTrapped in the Spotlight with Chloroform, Shock Collars, and a Microsoft ZuneLes, Kurt, and Jason are back with another episode and Les and Jason are happy to find out that Kurt has finally seen Wicked… until he shares his less than favorable opinion of the movie. Then, the Blac Chyna Report turns into a theology lesson… which itself turns into a deep dive into the #FreeWendyWilliams movement. Then, it’s time to get Trapped in the Spotlight, a Lifetime movie that Jason believes is the dumbest movie they’ve ever watched for the podcast (and he loved it). In addition to the long-overdue return of chloroform, this movie has perfect hairstyl...
2025-02-261h 31A Lifetime of HallmarkLacey Chabert Finds An Unexpected Valentine In a Hallmark Movie that Doesn’t Take Place in a Small TownLes, Kurt, and Jason are sweet on this week’s Valentine's Day movie for successfully breaking from the typical Hallmark formula in so many ways. But first, TheGrapeJuice.net is your new second favorite source for Blac Chyna news (after this podcast), and they know that Tokyo Toni is stirring it up with GloRilla. Then, the guys hop in the (not) Uber of An Unexpected Valentine. This movie doesn’t just extend Lacey Chabert’s reign as the queen of Hallmark, it solidifies it even while straying from the norms: the entire movie takes place on a single day, in a b...
2025-02-121h 44A Lifetime of HallmarkMy Sister’s Serial Killer Boyfriend Wore a Black Hoodie to Travel to Atlanta from the Upper or Lower MidwestLes, Kurt, and Jason are amping up for Oscar season by discussing more of the nominated movies they’ve seen… and this offering from Lifetime. But first, Blac Chyna is upset with Tristian Thompson referring to Dream as his daughter (which seems even more insane choking someone with a charging cable. Then, the guys get in the sandbox (figuratively, there definitely was no sandbox in this movie) to discuss Lifetime’s My Sister’s Serial Killer Boyfriend. Even if you’re duped by a Danny J. Boyle, you’ll immediately spot that this features graduate-level work from the Park Ranger Acade...
2025-02-071h 55A Lifetime of HallmarkEmma Roberts Goes on a Holidate with Kristen Chenoweth in a Hard R Romantic Comedy that did not feature Ryan Gosling or Erma BombeckLes, Kurt and Jason are back to check in with each other because there’s been a lot going on… and because Les and Kurt finally saw Demi Moore’s face in her butt (because they saw The Substance). If the same thing happened to Kurt, he thinks a dermatologist may want Kurt to explain why it happened… but Jason thinks that would most certainly be the dermatologist’s job. Then the guys dream cast that the perfect face talking from our butts on this should should be Blac Chyna, who thinks that Cardi B should be talking of HER butt w...
2025-01-221h 48A Lifetime of HallmarkLindsay Lohan and Kristin Chenoweth Let a Little B**ch Altar Boy in on Our Little Secret, and it Looks a Lot Like the Head of Doris RobertsLes, Kurt, and Jason are back for their first show of 2025, but have to catch up on their time away and of course the Wildfires in Los Angeles. 2025 has been the longest year ever, and we’re only halfway through January! Then Kurt delivers some Blac Chyna news that seems to point to there being plenty more Blac Chyna news for years to come! Then, even though the holidays are over, the guys are eager to talk about Netflix’s Lindsay Lohan and Kristin Chenoweth movie Our Little Secret. Could the movie have handled Dementia a bit more sensitively? Sure...
2025-01-161h 41A Lifetime of HallmarkA Nurse to Die For Better Watch Her Back Cuz Caryn Richman is a Badass GidgetLes, Kurt, and Jason are incredibly excited to welcome special guest Caryn Richman @carynrichman) to this week’s show! Caryn isn’t just a regular fixture in the Lifetime cinematic universe, she is also part of the Brady and Gidget cinematic universes, too. Yes, the guys have LOTS of Brady questions for her, and yes Caryn is absolutely delighted to answer them all! Plus, now Caryn knows where to go for all things Blac Chyna related! Then, they talk about 2023’s Lifetime movie “A Nurse to Die For” which features some bad snooping, a bunch of burner phones being used to lo...
2024-12-231h 41A Lifetime of HallmarkHomegoods and Nutella Help Danny Pellegrino Deck the Walls with Kate CaseyLes, Kurt, and Jason welcome back their friend Kate Casey from the Reality Life with Kate Casey Podcast. Not only is Kate an expert in all things reality and unscripted, but she's also friends with the writer and one of the stars of this week's movie, Hallmarks' Deck the Walls! But first, Kate and Les tell Jason and Kurt about Later Daters, then everyone talks about those mysterious drones that may or may not be aliens buying supplies at HomeGoods. Then, this week's Blac Chyna news sparks the question: What's up with all of these celebrities allegedly trafficking people...
2024-12-161h 17A Lifetime of HallmarkIt’s a Make or Bake Christmas for Vivica A. Fox, Jackee Harry, Meredith Thomas, and Seasonal Floaters Who Shouldn’t be Doing Karaoke or EspionageLes, Kurt, and Jason watched their first Lifetime movie this Holiday Season, but almost didn’t get to talk about it (thanks Mercury in retrograde!) But first, Jason had a onesie party, and Les got a Magic Bullet while Jason got a Jesus Ouija board! Plus, someone from Les’ church listens to our podcast, so they’ll be happy to know that Tokyo Toni was stirring up drama in Kurt’s Black Chyna Report, and Eric Roberts is stirring up drama in people’s travel plans! Then, it’s time to enter the kitchen for Lifetime’s Make or Bake Christmas...
2024-12-111h 47A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Merry Gentlemen Find Themselves in a George Glass Menagerie Where Male Strippers Need to UnionizeLes, Kurt, and Jason return to the Netflix holiday well again after last week’s episode, this time for a look at The Merry Gentlemen. But first, Kurt has some Blac Chyna news about Tokyo Toni defending Puff Daddy seemingly only because the allegations against him are… not new. Then, the guys head to the The Rhythm Room to check out The Merry Gentlemen starring Chad Michael Murray, Britt Robertson, friend of the pod Meredith Thomas, Michael Gross, Beth Broderick, Marla Sokolof, and Maxwell Caulfield trying to navigate the insurance risks posed by a dancer with vertigo and stripper with...
2024-11-291h 38A Lifetime of HallmarkLacey Chabert Gets Her Monster’s Ball Moment by Bringing Hot Frosty the Snowman Austin Milligan to Life with a Red ScarfLes, Kurt, and Jason are officially in their tax season as it’s now officially holiday movie time! But first, find out if Blac Chyna and Derrick Milano are signing a prenup and what someone named Suckafreeze thinks about it! Then it’s time to talk about Netflix’s latest salvo in the holiday movie viewership wars, Hot Frosty. Starring Hallmark royalty Lacey Chabert and Dustin Milligan (Ted from Schitt’s Creek), this movie may be Lacy’s Monster’s Ball because of her character’s mess of a housee (though they guys MAY be thinking of Charlize Theron’s “Monster” inst...
2024-11-221h 17A Lifetime of HallmarkTori Spelling, Barry Watson, Seven of Nine, and a Co-Ed Call Girl Walk into a CBS TV Movie that Became a Lifetime StapleLes, Kurt, and Jason decide to tackle a Lifetime classic, 1996’s Co-Ed Call Girl. While it didn’t originate on Lifetime (it first aired on CBS), it became associated with Lifetime as it went into heavy rotation as Lifetime leaned into movies about women in peril. Khloe Kardashian may be in peril after allegedly throwing shade at Blac Chyna! Then, it’s time for the guys to give Tori Spelling a ring cuz they’re looking for a Co-Ed Call Girl! The guys are quite concerned about this escort service’s business model (especially when it comes to spending one’s mone...
2024-11-131h 21A Lifetime of HallmarkLook Who’s Stalking A Surgeon This Halloween By Trrying to Escape An Onslaught of Truly Terrible Music by Offering a BOGO deal on Hospital ProceduresLes, Kurt, and Jason were all prepared for a guest that had to cancel, but that’s not gonna stop them from watching a movie that, based on its title, should be a lighthearted romp set at Halloween! But first, Les suggests people will be dressing as the Menendez Brothers this year, Jason wonders aloud if they have all officially reached “CBS Median Viewership Age,” and Kurt has some big news a bout Blac Chyna! Then, it’s time to go incognito by dressing in all black with the exception of a very bright red face mask (all the kids are...
2024-10-281h 38A Lifetime of HallmarkTom Sandoval, Meredith Thomas, and the New Gidget Are All Looking for A Nanny to Die ForLes, Kurt, and Jason are so excited to dig into a movie for Peacock! But first, the guys breakdown the Abe Lincoln documentary Lover of men, and find out that Les is friends with the guy that portrayed Abe in the reenactments. Then, in Blac Chyna news, the story about Twin Hector getting beat up gets (as Jason predicted) more violent and weird as Tokyo Toni wants the credit for it! Then they guys dig into Peacock’s A Nanny to Die for. This movie may have been released on Peacock, but it was made by the longtime Lifetime st...
2024-10-211h 50A Lifetime of HallmarkRead Between the Lines (of Coke) - Falling Together is a Great PSA for Alzheimer’s AwarenessLes, Kurt, and Jason have gathered much like a bunch of leaves that have been raked into a pile against their will. But at least Kurt has Blac Chyna news that could follow a similar long-tail trajectory as past news stories about her making violent claims. Then, ready or not, the guys leave no leaf unturned as they dissect Hallmark’s Falling Together. Kurt has a pretty wild and prescient theory about the male lead, and that triggers a companion theory about the female lead (and movie at large) that involves a lot of gay coding, a whole lot of...
2024-10-141h 32A Lifetime of HallmarkBefore Will & Harper, Will Ferrell and Harper Steele Encountered A Deadly Adoption with Kristen WiigLes, Kurt, and Jason may have found the perfect movie to suit their collective sensibilities, 2015’s A Deadly Adoption. Part true-to-form Lifetime movie, part inside joke (that not everybody was in on), part dramatic showcase for Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig, Ferrell’s passion project written by Harper Steele gets a look from the guys in light of his and Steele’s current spectacular and very moving Netflix documentary Will & Harper. Blac Chyna is also moving people to tears with her heartfelt conversation with daughter Dream about her appearance insecurity. But Will & Harper & Blac Chyna have nothing on the emotio...
2024-10-111h 25A Lifetime of HallmarkA Poor Man’s Keanu Reeves, A Dollar Store Connie Britton, and A Dime Store Paul Giamatti Covene at My Killer ReunionLes, Kurt, and Jason are back with a packed show! There’s Blac Chyna’s pivot to fitness! There’s Eric Roberts (past) smack talk about Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias. There’s a Candace Cameron Bure sighting! There’s Matlock, with a (big) twist! There’s an Oscar winner being confused for a high profile prostitute! There’s improv class driving! There’s surge pricing to get to an attempted murder scene! There’s Vicki Lawrence becoming Ryan Murphy’s new Sarah Paulson! There’s people being conceived to Mama’s Family and LMFAO’s Shots! And, most critically, you may now us...
2024-09-271h 49A Lifetime of HallmarkEric Roberts, Matt Rife, and (not) Jimmy Buffet Don’t Want You to Sleep on Stalked by My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s NightmareLes, Kurt, and Jason had to pick a movie that Les could access in Canada since he’s still in Vancouver, so they decided to watch the lone Stalked by My Doctor movie they haven’t seen, 2019’s Stalked by My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare! But first, Les and Kurt know someone that used to work in the Hallmark world and he may soon be a guest on the podcast! Plus, Eric Roberts just appeared on Marc Maron’s podcast, so the guys think they may have a shot at their white whale! And, this episode features both a Blac Chy...
2024-09-171h 13A Lifetime of HallmarkYour Aunt Gert Carries Some Magic Lemon Drops and Has Probably Been in a Bar FightLes, Kurt, and Jason are excited that Les is currently in the homeland of all things Hallmark, Vancouver, Canada as they convene to talk about the baphomet tattoo Blac Chyna is having removed. Even with its striking imagery, though, this tattoo has nothin’ on the badasserey of Aunt Gert, the sitcom Kathy Bates helping to make Hallmark’s Magic Lemon Drops even more fun. Did Hallmark low-key make a movie that revolves around people doing psychedelics? Probably! Is there a diner called Eatery? Definitely! Gert may not be the heroine of the movie (not heroin, though maybe), but in a mo...
2024-09-061h 24A Lifetime of HallmarkA Costa Rican Wedding Gets Lost in the Jungle Because Monkeys Stole Anything Potenially Likable about This MovieLes, Kurt, and Jason are about to attend A Costa Rican Wedding, a Hallmark movie that somehow seems to ruin the concept of hot shirtless guys on screen (at least for a moment). But first, Kurt’s Blac Chyna news, despite being 2 months old, manages to deliver a piece of info we’ve never heard mentioned in the Blac Chyna Report: Tyra’s real name! After the guys price out the salon menu for Hearts Pure by Angela White, then they head to the jungle for Hallmark’s latest wedding-themed movie. Though the setting is intriguing, there’s too much empha...
2024-08-2757 minA Lifetime of HallmarkMiss Cleo: Her Rise and Fall with Tarot Specialist, Paranormal Investigator, and Thighmaster-stan Ken BoggleLes, Kurt, and Jason welcome a very special guest in Tarot Specialist and Paranormal investigator Ken Boggle (@kenboggle) from Hulu’s Living for the Dead to discuss this week’s Lifetime movie, Miss Cleo: Her Rise and Fall. Ken gets recognized by both both the living and the dead, but Blac Chyna doesn’t even recognize herself, what with the filler blindness and all. Then the guys are ready to dig into the rise and fall of Miss Cleo. Imagine an alternate universe where Tyler Perry creation Madea becomes the face of a psychic hotline instead of Youree Dell Harris...
2024-08-191h 25A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: One Royal HolidayLes, Kurt, and Jason revisit their 2020 episode where Kurt and Jason realize Les knows Melissa McCarthy but hasn't booked her on the podcast yet! She seems like she'd enjoy Hallmark's One Royal Holiday which features a prince with Covid hair, a bed and breakfast superdome, and a pretty passive aggressive attitude towards ghost writers.
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2024-08-151h 38A Lifetime of HallmarkI Thought My Husband’s Wife Was Dead but She was Just in a Nap Dress and it Wasn’t Blac ChynaLes, Kurt, and Jason are experiencing a Brat summer, just like the twinks working at Disneyland. Jason’s Disneyland adventure also featured many spotting of Mickey ears that looked like donuts and the realization that Winnie the Pooh is part of the LGBTQ community (because Winnie, like many, is a pantsless bear). Then after Blac Chyna Report, it’s time to get into a movie co-starring Blac Chyna: Lifetime’s I Thought My Husband’s Wife was Dead. Even though her presence wasn’t felt enough to help the movie make any sense, the movie did feature lots of Canadians...
2024-08-121h 17A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: Psycho StripperLes, Kurt, and Jason hop on the pole and head back to their 2019 episode about Lifetime's Psycho Stripper, a movie that prompted Jason to go on a rather epic rant about... cake boxes. With hot shirtless murderous men, characters killed off that we didn't even know were characters in the movie to begin with, and separate straight male characters that scream "Yaaaaassssssss" and wear mesh crop tops, this movie has EVERYTHING.
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2024-08-081h 18A Lifetime of HallmarkA World Christmas Record is Set in Losing Loose Legal Documents in a Zipliess SituationLes, Kurt, and Jason have assembled to dissect Hallmark’s rather weighty
Movie A World Christmas Record. But first, Kurt’s Blac Chyna news lets Les know that Blac Chyna is set to appear in the movie he picked for next week, Lifetime’s I Thought My Husband’s Wife Was Dead. The biggest relevation of this episode of the podcast comes when Kurt reveals that he knows someone who knows THE PARK RANGER! And Kurt knows someone in this week’s movie, though it’s not the Sixth Spice Girl (a reference Jason and Les don’t get because t...
2024-08-051h 56A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: Edge of the Garden
Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark's Edge of the Garden that may be about ghosts. Or time travel. Or parallel universes. Or eternal love. Or about taking what little bit of joy you have left in your life and squeezing it out of you as you watch this movie.
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2024-08-011h 37A Lifetime of HallmarkLies and Ex Wives: Secrets on Maple Street is Apparently Part of a Series of Movies Trying to be Despearate HousewivesLes, Kurt, and Jason are back though it was touch and go for Kurt this week with his travel turned upside down. Thank goodness he came back with some Blac Chyna news, and to see this week’s movie, Lies and Ex Wives: Secrets on Maple Street. This apparently a new “universe” of stories for Lifetime to explore, but they may not want to let the Park Ranger Academy of the Dramatic Arts have such a big creative role the next time around. But thanks to her, we are served a forgotten suspect in a gruesome murder, unnecessary umbrellas, and… f...
2024-07-291h 15A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: Salt-N-PepaLes, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2021 episode about Salt-N-Pepa, a film that kick-off a new Lifetime genre: the black lady entertainer biopic that taught us that Push It was recorded in a bathroom. Do with that information what you will.
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2024-07-251h 45A Lifetime of HallmarkMs. Christmas Comes to Town And Can Go Straight to HellLes, Kurt, and Jason waste no time in talking about the subject on everyone’s minds, the Presid——— er, the deaths of multiple cultural icons including Shannen Doherty, Richard Simmons, and Dr. Ruth. Plus Kurt has news that Blac Chyna may be engaging in drama in her life by talking about how she doesn’t want drama in her life, and we share a recipe for your favorite casserole from the 70’s! Then, it’s time to go shopping… for a better movie than Ms. Christmas Comes to Town. Oof. This movie tells the uplifting story of how capitalism can sound downri...
2024-07-221h 28A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: Christmas with a PrinceLes, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark's Christmas with a Prince, a movie so questionable that the Canadian singer you've probably never heard who appears in the movie will still be someone you've never heard of after you watch the movie.
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2024-07-181h 22A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Amish Stud Goes on Rumspringa with Too Many Barbaras, a Bishop with Too Much Spirit Gum, and Joyce Dewitt Type with Too Many TattoosLes, Kurt, and Jason are headed to a place where no podcast is meant the thrive: Amish Country! But first, Blac Chyna's mom Tokio Toni got heated and flirty with The Game in a way that makes you rethink your snack foods. Then, it's time for Lifetime's Amish Stud: The Eli Weaver Story a true story about an Amish guy (Luke Macfarlane) that's using a Sidekick and dating apps on the DL but still needs a taxi driver (Criminal Minds' Kirsten Vangsness) to drive him around (because Amish). You could argue that there are too many people in this...
2024-07-151h 29A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: My Stepfather's SecretLes, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Lifetime's My Stepfather's Secret which features geology, murder, cryptocurrency, income equality, an explainer on the many Carly's of General Hospital, and (of course) gaslighting.
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2024-07-111h 02A Lifetime of HallmarkFalling Like Snowflakes Proves to be a Worthy Showcase for the Graduating Class of the Park Ranger Academy of the ArtsLes, Kurt, and Jason are angry… or at least Les and Jason are, while Kurt CLAIMS to be zen despite having suffered through the same movie as they did. But first, Kurt reports that Blac Chyna’s daughter Dream made a song. But Blac Chyna says it’s not a real song since it’s not on streaming. Though it could still technically BE a song in the same way that Falling Like Snowflakes was technically a movie because a really bad movie is still a movie. Hallmark got an early start on Christmas in July by premiering the movie in...
2024-07-081h 30A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: One Winter ProposalLes, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark’s One Winter Proposal (and make the podcast’s first reference to the Ann Margrock episode of The Flintstones.
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2024-07-041h 34A Lifetime of HallmarkA Game of Post Office Happens Because My Mom Made Me Do It and Love Laughs at LocksmithsLes, Kurt, and Jason are (deservedly) taking credit for the June Squibb renissance (the Squibissance) currently happening thanks to her movie Thelma. In Blac Chyna news, Kurt reports that Chy (as she’s now dubbed in the press) is now 21 months sober, and he also contemplates whether he’d be allowed to enter the pearly gates because he’s eaten hors d’oeuvres as a meal at an event. Then it’s time to look into all the ways My Mom Made Me Do It in a Lifetime movie that will make a great replay episode come Mother’s Day. When an...
2024-07-011h 35A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: Killer ContractorIf you've never listened to A Lifetime of Hallmark Podcast before, this Throwback Thursday Replay is a great episode to get you started.
Killer Contractor Just Might Be the Lifetime Version of M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable
Les, Kurt, and Jason are ready to hit the ground running in 2020 with a movie featuring an epic electrocution, a runaway ceiling fan, and a literal ball of fire that proves that murderous contractors are the BEST contractors when dealing with Lifetime's Killer Cinematic Universe. But first, Kurt has (horrifying) Blac Chyna news, and Jason skips his Lori Loughlin...
2024-06-272h 00A Lifetime of HallmarkFor Love and Honey Hits the Sweet Spot With Bad Bee Puns, An Invaluable Infrared Guy, and a Hot Mayor Who’s Really HotLes, Kurt, and Jason are here to stir the (honey) pot that is the Brat Pack Documentary and find out that Kurt has inexplicably never seen the movie Mannequin. In Blac Chyna news, the guys learn that Tokyo Toni met Blac Chyna’s dad at a Macy’s (oh, young love!) Then, it’s time to see what the buzz is all about with Hallmark’s For Love and Honey, a movie about both beekeeping and archaeology in Malta. It may take a lot of exposition to explain the rather convoluted treasure map at the heart of the plot, but there...
2024-06-241h 22A Lifetime of HallmarkThrowback Thursday Replay: A Shoe Addict's Christmas starring Candace Cameron Bure, Jean Smart, Luke Macfarlane, and Kristian BrunnLes, Kurt, and Jason have dug into their archives to re-visit their 2018 episode about Hallmark's A Shoe Addict's Christmas! Before Candace Cameron Bure left the Hallmark Cinematic Universe, she made a downright fantastic movie that co-starred a pre-Hacks Jean Smart, a pre-Bros Luke Macfarlane, and a slightly post-Orphan Black Kristian Brunn.
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2024-06-201h 16A Lifetime of HallmarkThere Must Be a Devil on My Doorstep Because We’ve Now Somehow Become a Sports PodcastLes, Kurt, and Jason had so much time taking to Samantha Pestana-Markey (@documenting_samantha) two episodes ago that she has now officially joined A Lifetime of Hallmark Podcast as a producer despite her role in exiling black hoodies from Lifetime! No need to worry, though, as there IS a black hoodie in Devil on My Doorstep. You should worry about Blac Chyna as news about her is no longer as fun, so perhaps a Young Sheldon-style prequel needs to happen for the Blac Chyna Report. A prequel to Devil on My Doorstep may also be needed to better explain...
2024-06-182h 00A Lifetime of HallmarkJoining the Blind Date Book Club is Expensive When Self-Publish Before Getting FeedbackLes, Kurt, and Jason are in the full swing of Pride month but have still found time to join Hallmark’s Blind Date Book Club. But first, Kurt has some not-so-new Blac Chyna news that doesn’t convincingly connect Beyonce to the Epstein plane. Then, the guys turn the page to explore the world of a Hallmark movie where an NPR interview about a book club carries such an incredible emergency that it needs to be conducted live. This is also a world where self-publishing a book can happen in a matter of hours with an incredible amount of deta...
2024-06-131h 04A Lifetime of HallmarkKiller Fortune Teller Is Not Actually a Fortune Teller According to An Actual Line of Dialogue in this MovieLes, Kurt, and Jason welcome the incredible Samantha Pestana-Markey (@documenting_samantha) to join them for a fun ride this week. Samantha is a big fan of the podcast and just so happens to also e a costume designer who has worked her share of Lifetime movies! The guys question why Samantha has tried to exile the famed black hoodie and Kurt gets the dirt on Lifetime’s craft services setup (people horde snacks, just like Jason had to do until he was asked for a cookie by Justin Bieber). Plus, there’s some wild Blac Chyna news involving Dueling Bish...
2024-05-212h 02A Lifetime of HallmarkA Chef’s Deadly Revenge Serves up Zero Tension and a Whole Lotta PigLes, Kurt, and Jason reconvene after a few weeks to see what’s being served in Lifetime’s A Chef’s Deadly Revenge. But first, it’s time to celebrate the birthday of Blac Chyna… and to toast the many notable people from the entertainment world that passed away since the last episode of the podcast. Then, we learn that Jason made a crass joke in their group chat using emoji to describe Schmoo’s sex life. Kurt asks what Jason meant… and immediately regrets it when he gets an answer to that question that you can’t lock up in a freezer...
2024-05-141h 13A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Legend of the Lost Locket Is As Big a Mystery as Learning Exactly What The Schmoo IsLes, Kurt, and Jason are here for your favorite day of the week aka your favorite occasionally day a few times a month for another episode of A Lifetime of Hallmark! The guys catch up on all of the big news of the world including a new soap coming to CBS, the very tightly patrolled catering backstage at American Idol, and some top notch movie recommendations from listeners. Plus, Kurt gives a very serious and gauzy Blac Chyna report thanks to a big profile about her in the LA Times. Then, it’s time to look into the Legend of...
2024-04-301h 42A Lifetime of HallmarkMillion Dollar Lethal Listing Hits the Market Thanks to Jackee Harry, Meredith Thomas, and a Homeowner That’s All To Eager to Let Squatters Stay in HIs HomeLes, Kurt, and Jason jump right into the natural phenomena of the week like the earthquake in New York, the eclipse, and balls falling from the sky. Then Kurt tries a new spin on Blac Chyna news by starting it with a quote by Maya Angelou, and we learn that Blac Chyna accidentally freed a nipple in West Hollywood and “ended up” on BACKGRID. We find out about a place would never eat cake: at a night at Motherlode called “Manhole.” Then we put a bid in on Lifetime’s Million Dollar Lethal Listing, a movie that’s incredibly consequentia...
2024-04-091h 26A Lifetime of HallmarkKiller Cheer Mom Denise Richards Snoops the Old Fashioned Way And Takes On Max from Hart to HartLes, Kurt, and Jason are not shading Princess Kate for having $15 cake at an airport, obviously. But they are doing a deep dive into Blac Chyna’s latest loan against her home, and think she could make some real coin by doing ads for Metamucil. Then it’s time to root for Lifetime’s Killer Cheer Mom starring Denise Richards and Thomas Calabro from Melrose Place. Kurt gets a crash course in Michael’s trajectory on Melrose Place and learns (for the first time) about Kimberly and her infamous wig/scar reveal). But that’s not the only trip down memor...
2024-04-021h 52A Lifetime of HallmarkLindsay Lohan Has an Irish Wish to Get in a Netflix Loop Group with the Illuminati to Get in the Bible or Win a Golden GlobeLes, Kurt, Jason, and Saint Brigid are ready to wreak havoc by talking about Netflix’s new Lindsay Lohan Romantic Comedy Irish Wish! But first they need to talk about the Kate Middleton royal family photo scandal and the fact that Murray Langston the bag-wearing Unknown Comic and Kate are not, in fact, the same person. Then, Kurt shares some super confusing Blac Chyna news involving her mom Tokyo Toni thinking Ice Spice is part of the Illuminati. Then it’s time to head to Ireland, a place that is a good place to be horny and for the Virg...
2024-03-191h 54A Lifetime of HallmarkGuiding Les through Guiding Emily, a Cautionary Tale about Fiber and AmbienKurt and Jason are tasked with guiding Les through this week’s Hallmark movie, Guiding Emily! But first, Kurt has some Blac Chyna news about the mystery surrounding net worth, and Jason is absolutely convinced that the story was written by A.I.). Plus, June Squibb is doing an action comedy, and Les shows his doodle! Then, it’s time to dive into Guiding Emily, a movie Les didn’t watch so Kurt and Jason will have to break it down for him! First things first, this movie is narrated by a dog that is voiced by Eric McCormack (the bigg...
2024-03-071h 29A Lifetime of HallmarkIt’s Worse to Have a Nut Allergy on Bathhouse Row Than It is to be Betrayed by My BridesmaidLes, Kurt, and Jason have so much news to get to: June Squibb is part of a major reboot! Nicole Kidman has THREE new AMC promos coming this week! And Wendy Williams takes off her wig for Blac Chyna! That leads the guys to discuss the very real life that Wendy is leading these days and how it’s seemingly being exploited by everyone. Then the guys walk down the aisle with Lifetime Movie Network’s Betrayed by My Bridesmaid! This movie may not feature one single murder (perhaps a first for a non holiday movie), but it does feat...
2024-02-291h 34A Lifetime of HallmarkAn American in Austen Tries to Invoke Jane Austen as Directed by Brian DePalma Starring Sarah FergusonLes, Kurt, and Jason are joined by Jason Dubray from the Shelf Shedding Movie Show Podcast (@ShelfMovie), and they have some STRONG opinions about Robert Downey, Jr., America Ferrera, and Bradley Cooper. Then, Blac Chyna celebrates 16 months sober (but not with a Fitbit-style tracker). Then Jason reveals himself to be QUITE biased against certain eras on film, especially ones where people are wearing corsets. It’s an extraordinarily disappointing development, then, when they all learn that this week’s Hallmark movie An American in Austen has LOTS of corsets as it tries to very blatantly rip off pay homage to J...
2024-02-221h 29A Lifetime of HallmarkWoman with the Red Lipstick Brings the Black Hoodie back to Lifetime for Some Pogo Sticking!Les, Kurt, and Jason take a second crack at recording the latest podcast after they were derailed by technical issues. That gives the chance to discuss the outcome of the Super Bowl, and their thoughts on whether Weird Al Yankovic should be the halftime performer. Plus, Les reveals the shocking news that he has not seen a full episode of Saturday Night Live since Eddie Murphy left the show back in the 80’s! And Kurt informs us that Blac Chyna is STILL one of the top earners on OnlyFans. Then, it’s time to talk about Lifetime’s Woman with t...
2024-02-131h 29A Lifetime of HallmarkWinter Castle Features the Most Heinous Villain We’ve Ever Seen in a Movie, and Not Because She would’ve Saltburn-ed SomeoneLes, Jason, and Kurt go off the rails right out of the gate when Les and Kurt are blindsided by the new show open that Jason made. (Working on that “Kurt Fitzpatrick, Gay Icon” merch, stat!). Plus, the guys imagine a world where Blac Chyna dates Fiddler on the Roof Star Topol (obviously). Then, they dig into Hallmark’s 2019 movie Winter Castle, a movie that wants us to be happy for people so awful that they’ve scheduled a an expensive and unnecessarily last-minute destination wedding in a very cold and very remote area. In fact, everyone in this movie is...
2024-01-301h 23A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Wrong Life Coach Can’t Even Help You Avoid a Bat… Or fromTaking Boudoir Photos at Olan Mills with Meredith ThomasLes, Kurt, and Jason are joined by their always super-special guest, the super fantastic Meredith Thomas (@meredithactress) from LMN’s The Wrong Life Coach starring Lifetime royalty including Vivica A. Fox, Tracey Nelson, and Eric Roberts (but not Jackée Harry, because A.I. got it wrong). Plus, Kurt has some provocative Blac Chyna news: Tokyo Toni may be trying to get with Blac Chyna’s exes! Then, it’s time to dig into Lifetime’s first Wrong movie in a long time about a profession that can lead people astray, especially when the profession doesn’t require any credentials...
2024-01-181h 54A Lifetime of HallmarkDying for Fame Because Stalkers Work in Teams That Post All of Their Moves on RedditLes, Kurt, and Jason are back for an amazing 2024 ahead after missing what would have been their final recording of last year (since Les was in France with poor internet)! But now they’re back and have opinions about Jo Kay hosting the Golden Globes (just like everyone else). Then Kurt has Blac Chyna news about her joining the Itty Bitty Bitty Committee (her words). Then, the guys are ready to dig into Dying for Fame, a Lifetime Movie Network thriller for which Les got invited into the inner circle bye going to a screening with the directors/producers/ca...
2024-01-091h 33A Lifetime of HallmarkMelissa McCarthy Unleashed a Genie Out of the Box Because These Wish Rules Are Chaotic as the KlumpsLes, Kurt, and Jason convene from 3 different parts of the world this week as Les is in a hotel lobby in London, Kurt is on the East coast in the US, and Jason is on the West Coast, and they’re ready to conjure up some opinions on the movie Genie. But first, Kurt has some Blac Chyna news that has the guys pining for the days of wilder and crazier Blac Chyna stories! Then, it’s time to rub the box instead of a bottle because all the genie rules you think you knew are thrown out the wind...
2023-12-221h 01A Lifetime of HallmarkLadies of the 80’s: A Divas Christmas Features Incredible Tales of Craft Services Tables From Years PastLes, Kurt, and Jason are ready to dissect a Lifetime movie that SHOULD hit the sweet spot, Lifetime's Ladies of the 80's a Divas Christmas starring Morgan Fairchild, Nicolette Sheridan, Donna Mills, Loni Anderson, Linda Gray, and Christopher Adkins. But first, we get the Blac Chyna news that she and Tyga are now getting along and sharing joint custody of their son. Kumbaya. Then, the guys test whether or not THEY are as powerful as a Siskel and Ebert review that once got Alen Zweibel's son bullied as they dig into this week's movie. Even stacked with so many 80...
2023-12-121h 11A Lifetime of HallmarkHallmark’s A Merry Scottish Christmas is Basically Succession if Lacey Chabert and Scott Wolf Don’t Want the EmpireLes, Kurt, and Jason are doing something they haven’t done for months: watched a Hallmark movie for their podcast about Hallmark movies (and Lifetime movies, and now so much more). It’s especially fitting to dive back into that world with a movie starring Hallmark royalty (pun intended) Lacey Chabert as she reunites with her Party of Five big brother Scott Wolf. But first, Kurt and Jason wonder if Les himself is secretly a royal, Jason sent Kurt a filthy underwear ad to underscore last episode’s very descriptive conversation about what makes one… um… powerful. Then, Kurt reports on...
2023-11-291h 23A Lifetime of HallmarkGay Icon Burt Young is Roomies with Corey Haim Because Everything in the 80’s was ProblematicLes, Kurt, and Jason are back with one more piece of pop culture WTF before diving back into Lifetime and Hallmark movies because the SAG-AFTRA strike is finally over! One person not in love with the new contract is Justine Batemen… and that sends the guys down a rabbit hole about other Family Ties cast members. It also ties into this week’s featured selection because of a Billy Very and the Beaters connection. But before that, the guys reminisce about Matthew Perry, Jason and Les teach Kurt the difference between a bossy bottom and a power bottom, and Blac...
2023-11-1759 minA Lifetime of HallmarkThe Moonlighting Pilot Triggers a ConversationAbout Nazis and Gay Nightclubs That Should Not MissLes, Kurt, and Jason support the SAG-AFTRA strike, but they are comin’ in hot regarding the guidance about not dressing as a character from movies and TV shows. But Jason has found a loophole: he’s dressing as Ken THE DOLL who is also a fan of Oppenheimer THE HISTORICAL FIGURE. Then, Blac Chyna is accused of Witchcraft! And the guys circle back to their episode about The Tortellis and get an update on Kurt’s quest to get the (formerly) little boy on the podcast. (Update, we’re SOL… emphasis on the S). Then it’s time to dive into th...
2023-10-261h 37A Lifetime of HallmarkSuzanne Somers in Three’s Company - Chrissy and the GuruLes, Kurt, and Jason ditched their plans to watch Moonlighting this week to pay their respects to the late, great Suzanne Somers. But first, we get the latest on a current America’s Sweet Blac Chyna and her custody battle with Tyga. Then the guys talk about their love of Apple TV+ show The Morning Show, and find out about how Billy Crudup was the object of affection for a woman Kurt was on a date with… while they were on the date. Take note, if you’re looking to date someone, write them a handwritten letter! Then, the guys t...
2023-10-171h 04A Lifetime of HallmarkNotorious Cheers Spinoff (That Isn’t Frasier) The Tortellis Features a Cameo from Barbie co-star Rhea PerlmanLes, Kurt, and Jason were gonna watch Moonlighting this week, but time constraints mean that will have to wait until the next episode (along with Les’ lady detective fantasies). Instead, this week the guys dive into the Cheers spinoff that isn’t Frasier (nor is it the Frasier re-boot on Paramount+), 1987’s The Tortellis. But first, we find out about Kurt taking his mom to her midday mid-week high school reunion, mediocre chicken marsala and age shaming included! Plus, if you’re going to be a doll, at least be one that people are afraid of! And, Blac Chyna is now d...
2023-10-121h 05A Lifetime of HallmarkDr. Seuss’ Halloween is Grinch Night is nothing but Class and Cocaine and Smelly WindLes, Kurt, and Jason apologize if feel compelled to watch this week's pick, the 1977 Dr. Seuss special “Halloween is Grinch Night.” But first, Les’ husband wants to know if he’s allowed to eat the Beyond Chicken McNuggets (he can!), and Kurt is familiarizing himself with current popular music (like Dojo Cat and SZA). Plus, in Blac Chyna news, Kurt reports that Blac Chyna is selling a bunch of her clothes on consignment. Then, it’s time to dig into this prequel to How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But while the Christmas special had a cohesive and heartwarming story at the cen...
2023-10-0653 minA Lifetime of HallmarkWhat a Country America is When Famous Russian Yakov Smirnoff Becomes Ronald Reagan’s Speechwriter and Martina Navratilova is on the Real Housewives of Beverly HillsLes, Kurt, and Jason are happy that the WGA Strike has ended, but are still venturing beyond Lifetime and Hallmark movies since SAG-AFTRA is still on strike! The guys discuss the big topics on their mind like couples that share a Facebook account and whether or not Jeffrey Dahmer is cancelled. Not cancelled: famous morning radio DJ Roman Polanski). Also not cancelled: Blac Chyna… she may have found love again! Then it’s time to take a look at the pilot to the 1986 first-run syndicated sitcom What a Country. While this may seem like it was a Yakov Smirnoff vehi...
2023-09-2949 minA Lifetime of HallmarkThe Holograms of Pia Zadora, Jermaine Jackson, Journey, and Slade Walk Ride a Vespa into a Podcast…Les, Kurt, and Jason were so energized by Don Johnson’s Heartbeat in the previous episode (the promotional movie moreso than his actual pulse), so they’re tackling some more music videos this week. But first, THE Pepper MaShay came to see Les’s show, as did Lesley Ann Warren and Lifetime of Hallmark SUPERFAN Samantha (thanks for listening). Then Kurt shares what may be newly specific news about Blac Chyna as it relates to sobriety. Fun fact: Les is kinda dickmatized by Dick van Dyke (a conversation started after a June Squibb spotting). Then it’s time to get into...
2023-09-211h 05A Lifetime of HallmarkWas Beyonce Inspired to Make Lemonade Because Don Johnson Made Heartbeat?Les, Kurt, and Jason have gathered to experience one helluva an experiment in the 1980’s music industry: making Miami Vice’s Don Johnson into a rock star! But first, Jason saw Les’ show The Real Black Swann: Confessions of America’s First Black Drag Queen and is ecstatic to report that it is FANTASTIC! Get tix here: https://ci.ovationtix.com/36684/production/1173212
Then, the guys try to figure out why is everyone defending Martin Short (Jason has a conspiracy theory about it related to the SAG AFTRA and WGA strikes). Then, we find that Kurt went to a gay ba...
2023-09-131h 06A Lifetime of HallmarkLaverne and Shirley in the Army Marches Toward So Many Pig PunsLes, Kurt, and Jason have reconvened to ask the important questions like, “Does Les get craft service during his tech rehearsals?” And “Did Wilford Brimley pull some serious tail back in the day?” Plus, Kurt reports that Blac Chyna wants Tyga to stick to their custody schedule! Then, the guys tackle their first animated show for the podcast, 1981’s “Laverne and Shirley” (aka known as Laverne and Shirley in the Army to not confuse it with the live action counterpart). While this Laverne and Shirley doesn’t have Lenny or Squiggy or Carmine Ragusa, it does have a pig voiced by Horsha...
2023-08-301h 01A Lifetime of HallmarkWill Smith Did Not Have the Heart and Soul to Star in a Sitcom with Morris Day, James Avery, and Tisha CampbellLes, Kurt, and Jason have decided to stop promoting Hallmark and Lifetime movies when there’s a strike, and instead focus on pop culture’s unusual past, and this week it comes in the form of a 1988 pilot starring Morris Day! But first, Jason strongly objects to Les’ “funny idea” that someone be murdered at/near one of his parties. Plus, Kurt’s Blac Chyna news lets us all know that tattoo removal hurts, and we learn the Celebrity net Worth of Robin Givens and Pauly Shore! Then, it’s talk to talk about Heart and Soul starring Morris Day, Tisha Camp...
2023-08-191h 21A Lifetime of HallmarkAnn Jillian, Fiona Apple’s Dad, and Jennifer Slept Here Instead of a Lifetime or Hallmark Movie This WeekLes, Kurt, and Jason have referenced the 1983 NBC sitcom Jennifer Slept Here many times on this podcast, so they’ve decided to finally dissect the pilot episode along with a look into the state of of TV in the early 1980’s. But first, Jason is trying really hard to get Les and Kurt to take the hint that it’s time to move onto the Black Chyna Report! Then, it’s time to start the Ann Jillian deep dive, talking It’s a Living, the SAG-AFTRA strike then and now, and Walt Disney’s input into Ann’s career. Then it’s time...
2023-07-261h 29A Lifetime of HallmarkGrab Your Merkin to Take Me Back for Christmas to Explore the Maplewood Real Estate MarketLes, Kurt, and Jason will not be deterred by the SAG-AFTRA Strike (and WGA Strike), mostly because this podcast isn’t in violation of union rules. Les has been spotting all kinds of famous faces on the picket lines (including presidential candidate Marianne Williamson), but the most famous face on the picket lines may now be Les Kurkendaal-Barrett himself thanks to a ton of worldwide coverage an image of him has experienced. Khloe Kardashian considers herself a third parent to Blac Chyna’s daughter Dream Kardashian, but it’s all from a place of love… much like Kurt’s love for V...
2023-07-201h 33A Lifetime of HallmarkMy Professor’s Guide to Murder: Haylie Duff and Lifetime Want You to Get the BucketsLes, Kurt, and Jason are here with the discussion you didn’t know you needed about the Tom Cruise cake and the Olivia Wilde Salad Dressing in a tale so layered, it makes this week’s movie seem quaint in comparison. But first, in Blac Chyna News, Kurt delivers the news that Tokyo Toni is saying some incredibly (hilariously) filthy things involving buckets in front of her granddaughter when she can’t figure out how to get Alexa to stop talking. Then, the guys jump down into the silo known as Lifetime’s movie, My Professor’s Guide to Murder. St...
2023-07-111h 20A Lifetime of HallmarkIn Big Sky River, Everybody Wants to Keep the Cocks but not the RacoonsLes, Kurt, and Jason return after a very very long break and so so so many Gay Prides! Yes, prides have parades, and Les sat through part of a really long one before being coerced into marching IN one, but Jason will only watch the parades if they’re done at the posted speed limit (flying drag queen wigs be damned)! Then, Kurt has some Blac Chyna news (that may or may not be from before our long break). Then, the guys take a dip in Hallmark’s Big Sky River which is, apparently, a movie they all watched. Desp...
2023-06-291h 46A Lifetime of HallmarkHer Affair to Die For is Actually His When the Child Is the Same Age as the ParentLes, Kurt, and Jason are here with a lively discussion about who it is that’s having the affair in a relationship, sparked by Lifetime Movie Network’s “Her Affair to Die For.” But first, the guys discuss, as best they can, some of the things at stake with the current (as of the recording of this podcast) writer’s strike and we find out that Blac Chyna and Tokyo Toni have reunited! Then, it’s HIS affair to die for since the husband is the one that has the affair in this wildly fantastically dumb movie that could have (legiti...
2023-05-171h 28A Lifetime of HallmarkRooming with Danger, a Baby Monitor, and some WGA Picketers at the Oakwood ApartmentsLes, Kurt, and Jason recorded the latest episode on Coronation Day, which may have been celebrated by some still drunk on tequila from the previous night’s Cinco de Mayo festivities. Then (after some Blac Chyna news, natch), the guys are ready to shack up with Lifetime Movie Network’s “Rooming with Danger.” Sure this fabulous house may not have any wine at all in its gigantic glass wine closet (nor does it have an Oxford comma), but it does teach one how to throw a brick on a budget and how to play Marco Polo when outside of the wate...
2023-05-111h 52A Lifetime of HallmarkA Pinch of Portugal, a Dollop of Trash Can Ice Cream, and Tickle of Oran “Juice” JonesLes, Kurt, and Jason are cleansing their palates after last week’s movie, and what better way to do it than with a movie all about flavorful food. But first, Kurt tells the guys about the tickle documentary that mesmerized him (do NOT tickle Jason) and that Les is going to watch now that he’s all caught up on the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel! Then we learn that Blac Chyna and Tokyo Toni are talking again! Is it real, or is it for the cameras? Maybe Jerry Springer / Ricki Lake / Morton Downey Jr. and more are to blame for it...
2023-05-021h 36A Lifetime of HallmarkA (Maybe) Non-Union David Paymer (lookalike) Can’t Be Drunk, Driving, and 17 But Can Be Part of a Super Heavy-Handed MessageLes, Kurt, and Jason may very well have stumbled upon the worst Lifetime movie they’ve ever seen (a bold assessment, but Les takes full responsibility for choosing Drunk, Driving, and 17). But before the guys dissect this after school special geared towards adults, they first need to discuss potential celibacy for Blac Chyna. Then they’re able to attend the State-Funded Park Ranger School of Acting End of Year Showcase. The real crime highlighted here SHOULD be the literal grand theft auto, that is never addressed again once the movie gets going (or, rather, puttering), it’s that the parent...
2023-04-281h 51A Lifetime of HallmarkDeep Throat finds Love in the Maldives in a Cult Founded by the Dalai Lama’s Tongue and Ray Parker Jr.Les, Kurt, and Jason are off to the races immediately when Kurt confuses the theme from Green Acres for a song from The Wiz. Then we find out who called Blac Chyna (aka Angela White aka, possibly, Dr. Angela White) a fake-ass bitch (spoiler: it was her mom Tokyo Toni!). Then, the guys go snorkeling (even though it should have been SCUBA diving) into Hallmark's "Love in the Maldives." Despite it's STUNNING locale and very attractive cast, Kurt found it boring on a level that was... transcendent. But can a movie that may or not feature a gorgeous (potential...
2023-04-111h 47A Lifetime of HallmarkStalked by My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge is to Eat a Bowlful of oatmeal, a fistful of cabbage, and a Cadbury Egg with Eric RobertsLes, Kurt, and Jason are beyond excited to dissect what may very well be the Lifetimeiest movie that ever Lifetimed, Lifetime’s masterpiece Stalked by My Doctor: Patien’s Revenge. But first Kurt has an Angela White report (aka a Blac Chyna Report) about the continuing coverage of her makeUNDER. Some are calling it the Blac Chynaissance, and for that we are grateful! Then it’s time to grab a tropical cocktail with Jimmy Buffett Eric Roberts, and settle in for a truly insane entry into the Stalked by My Doctor franchise. It’s got wigs! It’s got black hood...
2023-04-051h 13A Lifetime of HallmarkUnthinkably Good Things Can Happen When Rock Hudson Hooks up with Gomer Pyle at a Blockbuster VideoLes, Kurt, and Jason are back after a long break filled with lots of travel! Les went to New Orleans and Fresno! Kurt went to Fresno, too! And Jason went to Sydney, Australia! But now all 3 are back in their respective homes, though Jason and Les are very much over the unbelievable amounts of rain (and snow!) that LA has been getting. Kurt found out that he is apparently someone’s “hall pass” (but who’s the top?) Plus, there’s a ton of Blac Chyna news all centered on her new makeUNDER. Then the guys are finally ready to head to...
2023-03-311h 45A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Wedding Veil Journey Into How Questioning Whether Someone Is Actually British Can Backfire SpectacularlyLes, Kurt, and Jason are on a journey into seemingly ALL of the topics including Jason’s (unsurprisingly) unfiltered thoughts on The Fablemans. Then the guys venture down an Andrea Riseborough rabbit hole where they find that Richard Roeper gives no f**ks. Kurt finally got Covid and gets the utter the words “baby bump” as he delivers the news that Blac Chyna may be pregnant with baby #3 (the guys are gonna send a baby basket). Then the guys finally reach their destination: talking about Hallmark’s Wedding Veil Journey starring Allison Sweeney, Lacey Chabert, and Autumn Reeser, set and film...
2023-02-051h 58A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Wedding Veil Inspiration for Regional Food Shaming is a Human Centipede of FriendshipLes, Kurt, and Jason are walking down the aisle (shotgun wedding style) with Hallmark’s Wedding Veil Inspiration. But first, Les has to model the Hallmark sweatshirt he was gifted, and Kurt has some incredible insight into the dark underbelly of Zoom gaming with Imogene Coca. Then the guys give some quick takes on the Academy Award nominees before stepping into the foot fetish frenzy of some evergreen Blac Chyna news! Then it’s time for this week’s movie which features more eating than you’ll see in The Whale. Even with so much food, there’s plenty of regiona...
2023-01-251h 48A Lifetime of HallmarkHow to Murder Your Husband: The Nancy Brophy Story starring Cybill Shepherd, Steve Guttenberg, and Rosy PussytoesLes, Kurt, and Jason are joined by Jason Dubray from the Shelf Shedding Movie Show Podcast (@ShelfMovie). Jason Dubray thinks the guys are providing a great service by watching Lifetime and Hallmark movies, and they guys thank him for the kind words by forcing him to watch Lifetime’s latest movie to be ripped from the headlines, How to Murder Your Husband: The Nancy Brophy Story starring Cybill Shepherd and Steve Guttenberg. It’s been a minute since we’ve seen Steve, and now he looks… just like the real life murder victim he’s portraying rather than the guy that s...
2023-01-212h 11A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Wedding Veil Expectations is not in the Same League as I Love Lucy Because it’s Filled With Clapper Jokes rather than Jokes about Microsoft ClippyLes, Kurt, and Jason are walking (very reluctantly) down the aisle with yet another Wedding Veil movie from Hallmark, Wedding Veil Expectations. Meeting expectations, this episode has Blac Chyna news about another Blac Chyna lawsuit. But the real focus is on Hallmark's latest trilogy that initially had Les excited until he realized that it was more exciting to hike with Markie Post. As you ponder whether Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Chelsea Clinton listen to A Lifetime of Hallmark Podcast, Les will be over in the corner perfecting how to pretend to be dead while watching this movie. If...
2023-01-131h 40A Lifetime of HallmarkAre My Friends Killers Or Are They the Park Ranger School of Acting Class of ’22?Les, Kurt, and Jason are back for a whole new year! 2023 has already brought Kurt a Tarot Card reading and the promise of getting laid… in June. Jason had a whirlwind New Year’s weekend, and Les got to wear some fabulous fringe! Then, it’s time to get back to business, just like Blac Chyna and another potentially violent (and potentially not true) incident. More critically, Les has a truly urgent June Squibb Report (huzzah!). Then the guys (rather reluctantly) attend the end of year showcase for the Park Ranger School of Acting Class of ’22, aka Lifetime’s movie Are...
2023-01-061h 39A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Ghosts of Christmas Always Will Visit You to Keep You from Watching the Punky Brewster RebootLes, Kurt, and Jason are still in holiday movie mode, especially with Les living out his very own Hallmark movie as he travels through Europe to do the podcast from the lobby of a Marriot in Bristol. ’Tis the season to be sexy, if you’re Blac Chyna in a white thong with a giant red bow flanked by two giant nutcrackers and a highly addictive wheel of cheese. Then there no time like the (Christmas) present to get a visit from Hallmark’s The Ghosts of Christmas Present. The movie decidedly does not follow the same story structure of mos...
2022-12-301h 34A Lifetime of HallmarkThe Holiday Sitter Helps Hallmark Make Strides with Inclusive Content Even as It Shames Hawaiian Holiday VacationsLes, Kurt, and Jason are just about ready for the holidays! Les is going to Paris and London! Jason just got back from New York where he did not see the many holes Les talks about! Kurt questions a log’s rights! And Les finally saw Home Alone! Then the guys are ready to examine Hallmark’s first movie featuring a same sex couple as the leads, The Holiday Sitter. It stars Hallmark staple Jonathan Bennett, and it also realistically addresses what getting married means if you grew up gay. It deals less realistically with surrogacy (and the planning surro...
2022-12-251h 39A Lifetime of HallmarkSteel Yourself, You’re Not Gonna See a Unit in My Southern Family Christmas, but You Will See Bruce Campbell, Moira Kelly, and a Nick Cannon Advent Calendar of BabiesLes, Kurt, and Jason are bracing for the cold with Kurt’s extensive collection of crazy holiday cat sweaters, and Jason’s gonna need ‘em if he gets Busy in Brooklyn this weekend! Les needs to know who Bruce Campbell is (is he a journeyman actor?). Then after some uneventful Blac Chyna news, a bite of sushi in the bathtub with Zoe Kravitz, and a quick browse of the Skymall catalog, the guys are ready to celebrate My Southern Family Christmas. This Hallmark entry didn’t need its romantic storyline since it’s overflowing with never-fully-explained backstory about Bruce Campbell’s...
2022-12-141h 32A Lifetime of HallmarkThree Wise Men and a Baby and a QR Code to Buy Hallmark WineLes, Kurt, and Jason are now officially in their “tax” season as the holiday movie season has begun with Hallmark’s highest rated movie since 2019, Three Wise Men and a Baby. But first, a Margaret Colin (not Laura Kightlinger) rabbit hole, Blac Chyna Chyna news involving fondant, and Kurt learned about “sides.” Then, Hallmark cuts right to the chase with a shirtless man in a towel right at the top of the movie, so you know the office fun committee aren’t the ones planning this movie; if they had then there'd be a performance from a (non-drag) Britney Spears imper...
2022-12-011h 43A Lifetime of HallmarkLindsay Lohan is Falling for Christmas in Netflix’s (Unauthorized) Sequel to Overboard and Unbreakable We Didn’t Know We NeededLes, Kurt and Jason are breaking from the norm by analyzing a Netflix holiday movie, Falling for Christmas! It’s currently the number 1 movie in the world on the platform, also features Glee and Acapulco star Chord Overstreet and General Hospital and Melrose Place vet Jack Wagner! Plus The Young and the Restless vet Michael Damian is a producer, so there’s a lot to discuss! Jason has an idea for a reality show hosted by Yoko Ono! Kurt wants to get in the game of flipping houses… gingerbread houses! Les is treated to so very many montages! And all 3...
2022-11-232h 00A Lifetime of HallmarkDeadly Garage Sale Isn’t Profitable Despite An Office Evite Promoting Grossly Overpriced Pine ConesLes, Kurt, and Jason (and Les’ cat) are ready to rummage through Lifetime Movie Networks’ offerings and find a good bargain in the form of Deadly Garage Sale. But first we find out why Kurt was shamed at a Cub Scout Meeting (thanks, Bobby Helms!), a new specifically violent detail is learned in the Blac Chyna Rob Kardashian saga (a thrown patio chair!), and we learn that Les culturally appropriated green face for Halloween while Jason wore an adult diaper, naturally. Then, it’s time to check out the deals at Deadly Garage Sale, a Lifetime movie that starts strong...
2022-11-081h 36
What Else Is Going On? With Taria S. Faison"Housewives, Therapy & Performative Activism" ft. Les Kurkendaal-BarrettSend us a textIn this episode, I had the pleasure of riding around Beverly Hills (via Zoom) with Les Kurkendaal-Barrett @kurkendaal from the Reality Reading Rainbow podcast and we mentioned it ALL! We started off talking about therapy and the mental health stigmas that are in the black community and Les shares a personal story that so many can identify with. This led us into conversation about how we weren't shocked when Garcelle asked, "What is Lexapro?" Speaking of Garcelle, we get into our ladies of the...
2021-06-012h 09