Shows
No Substitutions, PleaseRed Velvet CakeIf you want to roll out the red carpet for dessert . . . you should probably make something with less frosting. Noah and Louisa talk about a classic cake, and Noah discovers that he is, in fact, an easy mark.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
2025-11-0250 minNo Substitutions, PleaseMadurosNoah and Louisa prove that even when you think the plantains sitting on your counter couldn't possibly be usable, they find a way to surprise you. Also, Noah gets his Puerto Rican tarjeta revoked.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
2025-10-1952 min
No Substitutions, PleaseCrackersFrom sickbeds to cheeseboards, crackers manage to hold up more than their fair share of the culinary sky—so this week, Louisa and Noah, who has a whole new reason to appreciate a shatteringly crisp bite of food, give them their flours.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by ar...
2025-01-0548 minNo Substitutions, Please(The Rest of The) Big NightWhen Noah and Louisa left off last week, all the pieces were on the board, and it was time to throw them against each other and see what happens—in the Aristotelian crucible of the Big Night, of course. In this part, Noah and Louisa discuss the kind of movies you can't make anymore, talk about Tony Shalhoub being adorable, and give Marc Anthony some reluctant flowers.
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2024-11-241h 18No Substitutions, PleaseBig NightSince Louisa finally watched Chef, Noah finally had to watch Big Night: the movie that asks, "can a traditional Italian restaurant survive when one-third of its crew is Marc Anthony?" In this part, Louisa and Noah rip on American customers, nominate the performance of the movie, and discuss the general level of heightened sexiness.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and...
2024-11-171h 33No Substitutions, PleaseChef! Again!Last time, Louisa and Noah left Carl Casper on the cusp (cusper?) of a road trip during which he would rediscover his love of cooking and finally have a relationship with his human child that he has.
In this part, we discuss the incongruousness of Russell Peters, ten-year-old kids being social media managers, and what exactly empingao means. (Listen, we marked it explicit. This is your problem now.)
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2024-11-101h 31No Substitutions, PleaseChef: Part 1For our centennial celebration, we tried something a little bit different!
Louisa and Noah watch Chef, the movie that asks, "is it possible for a man to serve both his own artistic goals and be commercially successful, as long as Robert Downey Jr and Sofía Vergara front him all the money?" In this part, they talk about that, Bobby Cannavale being emotionally open, and the perfect trifecta of villains in a movie.
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2024-11-031h 18No Substitutions, PleaseTres LechesWhat more fitting way to head towards the turn of our first century than by talking about a dessert only made possible at the turn of the nineteenth? Noah and Louisa discuss one of the most extra sweets in Latin American cooking.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-10-2759 minNo Substitutions, PleasePicadilloDelicious on its own, marvelous as a building block for so many excellent foods: such is the wonder of the ground beef miracle known as picadillo. Noah and Louisa talk about it.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-10-131h 00No Substitutions, PleaseTzatzikiWhat if ranch were more Mediterranean, and also better? Noah and Louisa talk about the world's most famous cucumber-based condiment.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-09-2249 minNo Substitutions, PleasePancakesFrom the humble shrines of Roman household gods to your weekend breakfast, pancakes are a food redolent with history and spirituality. Let Noah and Louisa tell you all about them.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-09-151h 08No Substitutions, PleaseSeared SalmonNot just for Fionn mac Cumhaill anymore! You, too, can gain all the knowledge of the world by listening to Louisa and Noah make several other references that will send you to Wikipedia. Also, some fish gets discussed.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-09-0854 minNo Substitutions, PleaseZucchini FrittersLet's put it this way: even Noah can't find anything wrong with this preparation. Let him and Louisa tell you about the coolest new way to cook one of nature's moistest vegetables. All the kids are doing it!
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist...
2024-09-011h 09No Substitutions, PleaseSmashed BurgersDo you want a burger right now? Smashed burgers. Do you want to be able to bite through an entire hamburger without having to unhinge your jaw? Smashed burgers. Do you want to listen to Noah and Louisa get incredibly hungry while discussing comments on a food they both love and clearly wish they were eating during recording? Smashed burgers.
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2024-08-2553 minNo Substitutions, PleaseFried ShrimpRemember "soft little fatties?" What if they were crispy little fatties instead, and you could have them one by one in a basket? Noah and Louisa talk about an overlooked classic of the fried seafood family.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-08-181h 00No Substitutions, PleaseIce CreamYeah, yeah, I scream, you scream, yadda, yadda. Noah and Louisa talk about the myriad ways in which you can mess up one of the best foods to ever beat the heat.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-08-111h 04No Substitutions, PleaseSherbetStay with us here: what if ice cream tasted more like the thing you used to flavor it? That's sherbet. Noah and Louisa talk about one of the best uses for fresh fruit.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-08-0457 minNo Substitutions, PleaseShort RibsVoted "Most Likely To Sell For At Least Thirty Dollars" every year since 2016 at the Braised Beef Awards, which may or may not exist. Noah and Louisa discuss every upscale restaurant's favorite force multiplier.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-07-2158 minNo Substitutions, PleaseQueso FundidoIf anyone thinks they have found a more perfect food, let them come forward and be proven wrong. Noah and Louisa pay tribute to the ultimate way to combine cheese and chorizo.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-07-1456 minNo Substitutions, PleaseRatatouilleIn which Louisa tries to talk about a simple summer dish with a rich history, and Noah takes every chance he can to insult tomatoes, Pixar, and the concept of soft vegetables.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-07-0746 minNo Substitutions, PleaseOnion RingsThe rings of real power, if you ask us. If the Elves had made theirs out of onions, Sauron would've been too busy eating to ever leave his lands. Noah and Louisa pay tribute to the fried food to rule them all.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-06-231h 02No Substitutions, PleaseThree-Bean SaladThis episode is fine—it's good. Actually, it's great. Noah and Louisa discuss a humble food for humble people, and why a lot of people seem to hate it.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-06-1655 minNo Substitutions, PleaseWafflesNow that's one way to square or circle. Faced with a breakfast food they haven't covered yet, Noah and Louisa are surprisingly decisive on the subject.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-06-0949 minNo Substitutions, PleaseColeslawIf you treat it right, it's a lot more than that green stuff next to your ribs. Join Noah and Louisa on this traipse through the cabbage patch.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-06-0251 minNo Substitutions, PleaseFried RiceWe really shouldn't have used that joke already, huh? Join Noah and Louisa on this tribute to the inadequacy of average kitchen equipment.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-05-261h 21No Substitutions, PleaseFettuccine AlfredoLast week was great if you liked episodes where Noah doesn't like the food; this week is great if you like episodes where Noah and Louisa go on an absolutely massive tangent that, somehow, is still relevant to the food in question. Oh, yeah, and we talk about some pasta, too.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by...
2024-05-1251 minNo Substitutions, PleaseDeviled HamGood as hell! Noah and Louisa talk about the smooth and savory sandwich spread that gives lunches and party trays the extra piquancy of facing God.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-04-2859 minNo Substitutions, PleaseRice PuddingWhat's better than a bowl of warm, creamy, sweet, spiced rice? Well, a lot of things—especially if you do it wrong. Noah and Louisa find out how surprisingly easy it is to screw up one of the least onerous dishes they've ever brought up on the show.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay Li...
2024-04-2149 minNo Substitutions, PleaseCharred Green BeansTired of boiled, olive drab, soft and mushy green beans? Why not perk them up the same way Noah and Louisa like to gild every vegetal lily: artfully burn them in hot oil?
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2024-04-1451 minNo Substitutions, PleaseBirria TacosFrom a goat stew in Jalisco to a fried taco in Tijuana, to the food trucks of San Diego and beyond, this complex dish has gained decadence at every stop along the way. Noah and Louisa get into all the different steps and their appurtenant pitfalls and wonders.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay...
2024-04-071h 04No Substitutions, PleaseFried TofuProbably not what you expected for an Easter episode! Tofu: good platform for flavors, decent test of your frying skills, and easy target for jokes if you don't feel like making an effort. Noah and Louisa get into the methods, the pairings, and most of all, as always, the human-induced horrors of this versatile food.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds...
2024-03-3159 minNo Substitutions, PleaseQuesadillasLike many other things we've covered, you might wonder how it's possible to screw up putting melted cheese inside a tortilla. Well, as Noah and Louisa have discovered, the simpler a dish gets, the weirder the cooks of the Internet become in response.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-03-1756 minNo Substitutions, PleaseBoneless Pork ChopsOr are they porch chops? The humble, versatile, and wonderful lean cut of pork loin finally gets its due on No Substitutions, Please. Louisa and Noah tell you how to cook it properly, wax poetic about its wide range of accompaniments, and demonstrate that people will refuse to get anything right, no matter how simple.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds...
2024-03-1052 minNo Substitutions, PleaseRisottoWho knew a dish this luxurious could be based on simple rice? Well, not just simple rice. You have to get the right kind, and do things in the exactly right order, and pay a lot of attention to what you're doing—unless you use this one neat trick Noah recently acquired. He and Louisa will be happy to inform you of it.
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2024-03-0358 minNo Substitutions, PleaseRoast BroccoliSulfurous and delightful, cruciferous and enjoyable. Noah and Louisa talk about one of the simplest green sides to any dish, and why people keep overcomplicating it.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-02-2548 minNo Substitutions, PleaseChocolate FondueIf there's something more decadent than a bowl of liquid chocolate, fortified with dairy and perhaps even flavored with assorted sweets, we should probably keep that knowledge far away from the hands of the people Noah and Louisa talk about in this episode.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-02-1841 minNo Substitutions, PleaseSeared ScallopsWhile everyone else is talking about the Super Bowl, we're looking forward to Valentine's Day—and what better way to celebrate the love of your life than making a plate of fresh, sweet, delicately-caramelized scallops? Louisa and Noah discuss all the ways to nail this wonderful dish.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License....
2024-02-1158 minNo Substitutions, PleaseGarlic BreadThere's a very important question at the heart of this episode: why have bread with your meal when you can have garlic bread with your meal? Noah and Louisa discuss all the different ways to make this restaurant standard.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-02-0449 minNo Substitutions, PleaseOatmealYou'd think this humblest of breakfast foods would be simply impossible to screw up. Well, you would think that, if you'd just started listening to us. Noah and Louisa discuss the foibles and follies of people who manage to ruin simplicity itself.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-01-2850 minNo Substitutions, PleasePotatoes Au GratinNothing screams "comfort food" more than potatoes and dairy in the same dish, and, well, that's exactly what this is. Noah and Louisa thinly slice a few fools who somehow manage to make it a difficult experience.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-01-2155 minNo Substitutions, PleaseBlack Bean SoupFrom the down-home kitchens of Latin America to, apparently, the kind of place that thinks every soup is a lobster bisque (more on that in a bit), this humble bean broth has hidden depths Noah and Louisa are all too happy to plumb.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-01-1450 minNo Substitutions, PleaseHash BrownsWhat's the problem with simple, deliciously shredded, golden-brown, crispy potatoes? Well, each of those adjectives gives people a way to get extremely mad at a breakfast dish. Noah and Louisa talk about why they might even have a point.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2024-01-0744 minNo Substitutions, PleaseShrimp CocktailRing in the new year with crisp, delicately-flavored seafood in a rich sauce. Noah and Louisa talk about the importance of keeping your shell on, how to ensure a good brine is had by all, and how Venezuelans like to break their mattresses.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2023-12-311h 02No Substitutions, PleaseGingerbreadWhat better way to celebrate Christmas Eve than making a flavorful little quick bread to share with your loved ones? Louisa and Noah take their yearly chance to grinch out on the assorted commenters of the Internet. You'll want to catch this one.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2023-12-2446 minNo Substitutions, PleaseCoquito/EggnogAh, Christmas—that special time of year when we decide to nestle our booze in cinnamon and cream, and in Puerto RIco, coconut into the bargain. Noah and Louisa talk about these two simple holiday libations, which you'd think would be nigh-impossible to screw up, and yet . . .
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License....
2023-12-1758 minNo Substitutions, PleasePeasWe're back! After a short hiatus, Noah and Louisa talk about the little green spheres that provide splashes of color and sweetness to so many dishes—assuming you don't cook them to within an inch of their lives. So kick back, download the episode, and find your inner . . . tranquility.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pi...
2023-12-1049 minNo Substitutions, PleasePot RoastSuch a one-pot meal they put it in the dang name, and yet so much variation in the recipes that no two people make it the same way—which means it's some fertile podcasting ground. Noah and Louisa take on one of the truest classics.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2023-11-1250 minNo Substitutions, PleaseGnocchiOne of the softest, tenderest, and most temperamental of potato formats. Noah and Louisa discuss the myriad ways these dumplings can make trouble for the inexperienced or unconfident cook.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-11-0553 minNo Substitutions, PleaseMeatloafThe dish that defines cafeteria chic—if we're assuming that "cafeteria chic" is a thing, which it isn't. Noah and Louisa bat around some fun preparations of this comfort food classic.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-10-2952 minNo Substitutions, PleaseGuacamoleFor their final entry of Hispanic Heritage Month, Noah and Louisa take a look at the green that's good as gold, the magical vegetal with the avocado base, yet another thing on which every American has a completely unsolicited opinion: guacamole. Brace yourselves.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2023-10-1556 minNo Substitutions, PleaseDulce de Leche / CajetaSilky, sumptuous, sugar-sweet and sometimes subtly savory, dulce de leche (and cajeta, its caprine cousin) is what the gods would design if they were asked to make the perfect sweet. Noah and Louisa expound on each of this wonderful substance's many intricacies.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2023-10-0850 minNo Substitutions, PleaseEmpanad(ill)asHow about a treasure chest where the gold is outside? These fried culinary diplomats come in all shapes and sizes, with all kinds of fillings—yes, even that one you just thought of. What's not to love? Let Noah and Louisa feed you some dumplings of wisdom.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2023-10-011h 01No Substitutions, PleaseGround Beef TacosLouisa and Noah knew they had to do something special for the half-century mark, and this episode has everything you could want. Start with a base of classic food almost everyone has experienced; top it with an over-pretentious recipe from a member of our rogues' gallery; slather on some comments that reveal far, far more about the authors than anyone wanted to know; wrap all of that up in a little discourse about culinary colonialism; enjoy! We sure did.
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2023-09-171h 13No Substitutions, PleaseFalafelBack after a two-week hiatus! Among the lordliest of the fried foods, these delicious, simple, crispy balls of ground beans and fresh herbs are some of the best things you can put in a pita. Noah and Louisa track down some tips for especial success.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work...
2023-09-1032 minNo Substitutions, PleasePeach CobblerCobbler by any other name would taste as sweet—which is good, because this stuff has more minor variations than Beethoven. Noah and Louisa get to the bottom of all of them. You know, where the peaches are.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-08-2050 minNo Substitutions, PleaseChicken ParmesanMelted cheese, rich tomato sauce, crispy breaded chicken, well-sauced noodles: what's not to love? Why not ask Noah, who will spend most of this episode telling Louisa he'd rather be eating something different.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-08-1355 minNo Substitutions, PleaseCorn SaladLend us your ears, and in silk-smooth voices, Noah and Louisa will have you in total amaizement as they describe the shuck and awe of the summer salads, all based on those golden pearls of sweet glory.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-08-0650 minNo Substitutions, PleaseBrowniesThe perfect lunchbox dessert, without which no bake sale is complete. Noah and Louisa reminisce about these fudgy squares, whose present as a no-fuss baked good would surely astonish the people who (supposedly) invented it as a fine dining treat.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-07-3045 minNo Substitutions, PleasePulled PorkA beloved mainstay of many a summer barbecue, whether you like it with spicy vinegar, grown mustard, or that thick brown ketchup Kansas City calls barbecue sauce. Louisa discusses the importance of making an effort, while Noah tries to hang on to his faith in humanity.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes...
2023-07-2355 minNo Substitutions, PleaseFrench ToastHave you ever wondered why this breakfast food is associated with the French? Well, Noah and Louisa have no answers for you there—but they'll spend plenty of time talking about how to make a delicious little bread dish, and all the ways people have failed to improve upon it.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Ou...
2023-07-161h 01No Substitutions, PleaseFish and ChipsWere you expecting hot dogs? Hamburgers? Some other American food that might be appropriate for the 4th of July? What podcast did you think this was? Noah and Louisa take you back to the Eastern Hemisphere on a journey through Britain, Portugal and Japan to wax poetic about the wonders of battered cod and haddock.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the...
2023-07-0359 minNo Substitutions, PleasePotato SaladNo summer barbecue or 4th of July cookout is complete without someone bringing a big container of this stuff. Which is interesting, because if you've ever talked to anyone about it, you quickly learn two things: 1) everyone has their own recipe, and 2) no one seems to actually like it all that much. Noah and Louisa try to figure out why.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds...
2023-06-2553 minNo Substitutions, PleaseShrimp ScampiThere are few pleasures in life as simple as butter, garlic, and good shrimp—or so you'd think. Noah and Louisa discover that a lot of people have rather interesting ideas on how such a classic combination can be . . . well, is "improved" the right term?
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
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2023-06-1855 minNo Substitutions, PleaseEggs BenedictThe preferred breakfast of traitors, Popes with weird egg deficiencies, and white people getting their weekend drunk on. Noah and Louisa break down every facet of this brunch staple.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-06-1159 minNo Substitutions, PleaseKey Lime PieThe Florida Keys: bright sun, blue waves, warm sand, haunted dolls—all things that go perfectly with the cool, refreshing taste of key lime juice swathed in rich condensed milk. (We're assuming here. Neither of us have been.) Noah and Louisa tell you about their agreed-upon favorite pie, and the occasions where it might be served.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by th...
2023-06-0449 minNo Substitutions, PleaseGreek SaladIf the Sirens had sung of sweet tomatoes, glistening with rich olive oil, paired with refreshing cucumber, and scattered with pearl-white feta, to the illustrious Odysseus, he would have never returned to his rocky island home.
Fortunately, it would be several millennia before all of those things came together in a salad bowl—which means it was several millennia and a few years before people started ruining it. Noah and Louisa fill you in.
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2023-05-2856 minNo Substitutions, PleaseCaprese SaladBasil. Cheese. Tomato. Oil. Long ago, the four ingredients sat together in harmony. Then everything changed when a bunch of people chucked some balsamic vinegar in there for some reason. Noah and Louisa investigate why people can't just leave well enough alone.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty...
2023-05-1453 minNo Substitutions, PleaseCobb SaladThe only thing Noah likes less than cherry tomatoes and hard-boiled eggs in his salads are people who supposedly like those things finding ways to get around the fact that they're key ingredients. So, for the first episode of our Salad Days, he and Louisa talk about all the different ways people try to get around a very simple recipe.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds...
2023-05-0749 minNo Substitutions, PleaseFlanIt's the king of custards, the despot of desserts, the envy of every other meal-ender—and, as Louisa and Noah discover, the bane of a lot of cooks cursed by iffy ovens or too willing to cut corners.
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Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.
2023-04-3054 minNo Substitutions, PleaseRoasted AsparagusLet's welcome spring into our lives with a tribute to one of the greenest vegetables around—and, we think you'll agree, one of the most variegated episodes we've ever done. Noah and Louisa discover that there are some people who just shouldn't be allowed near a produce section.
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.co...
2023-04-2347 minNo Substitutions, PleaseMeatball SubsAnchors aweigh! Noah and Louisa cast off to take on these treasure-laden galleons of the sandwich fleet—or, more accurately, some of their worst captains. Do they land a broadside?
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
2023-04-1651 minNo Substitutions, PleaseDeviled EggsWhether at a cocktail party or a down-home family picnic, these little vessels for mayonnaise and paprika are the picture of midcentury elegance. Noah and Louisa take on the most ovoid, and therefore most seasonally appropriate, of Easter foods.
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by...
2023-04-0954 minNo Substitutions, PleaseBlueberry MuffinsWe know what you're thinking. You're thinking we all know how blueberry muffins are made.
Well, would that it were so simple. Noah and Louisa talk about how, for some people, there is no recipe so easy or so forgiving that it can't be turned into a quick-bread quagmire.
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way...
2023-04-0244 minNo Substitutions, PleaseShepherd's PieIf you're the weirdo who thinks we haven't done enough British food, well, this one's for you. Noah and Louisa discuss the classic comfort casserole that dares to say: is there anything better than a blanket of mashed potatoes over ground meat?
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2023-03-2645 minNo Substitutions, PleaseScrambled EggsIf you've been listening for a while, you know Noah tends to recoil when Louisa breaks out descriptors for eggs—so, naturally, we figured it was time to take the bull by the curds. Whether you like your scrambles French-style or nearly omeletted, we're sure you'll find someone to annoy you in this sojourn through the most controversial of breakfasts.
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments yo...
2023-03-1939 minNo Substitutions, PleaseNutellaFor this exciting milestone, Noah and Louisa decided to do things a little differently. This time, we cover recipes made with Nutella—decadence in a jar or overrated slop? Let them tell you all about it.
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is go...
2023-03-0545 minNo Substitutions, PleaseFrench FriesHow is this the most sacrilegious episode we've done yet? Noah and Louisa discuss that most quintessential of fried-tuber side dishes, that most incorrectly-named of fast-food staples: the French fry.
ERRATUM: Noah refers to "Death Valley" in this episode. He meant the "San Fernando Valley." He would never disrespect the good people of Southern California in this way. Their baseball teams, perhaps, but not the people.
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...
2023-02-2644 minNo Substitutions, PleaseCheesecakePicture it: the Internet, 2023. Noah and Louisa discuss the dense and delicious dessert that, despite the doughtiest deeds of this delegate for the duty of description . . . does not start with a D. Look, it's cheesecake. We love it. Let us tell you all about it.
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
...
2023-02-1942 minNo Substitutions, PleaseSquash SoupDid you know squash soups don't have to taste like you puréed a pumpkin spice latte? Did you know Noah has actually made some of the foods on the show? This time, he and Louisa get to talk about all the different ways you, too, can make your soup as gourd as possible.
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If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send t...
2023-02-1250 minNo Substitutions, PleaseMinestroneHearty soups, full of beans and tubers, are a regular feature of cucina povera—and, precisely because of that, are particularly susceptible to dinguses who want to overcomplicate things for no reason. Noah and Louisa get to talk about a soup one of them does not, in fact, particularly like.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at no...
2023-02-0550 minNo Substitutions, PleaseClams ChowderBowlful of red, bowlful of white, or possibly a secret third bowlful: whatever kind of mood you're in tonight, Noah and Louisa discuss the soup that will one day draw battle-lines across the Northeast.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by...
2023-01-291h 02No Substitutions, PleaseChicken Noodle SoupAt its best, a wonderful savory restorative; at its worst, an unevenly-seasoned mess of mushy vegetables and bad meat. Noah and Louisa talk about that most famous of broths for the convalescent.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified...
2023-01-2250 minNo Substitutions, PleaseDonutsWe hear what you're saying: wouldn't it be easier to just buy some donuts at your local shop? Is it really worth making your own? As Noah and Louisa discover, some people tried—very few of them, as it turns out, with any real understanding of what they were doing.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at no...
2023-01-1543 minNo Substitutions, PleasePestoThe perfect time to discuss fresh summer flavors: in the bleak midwinter. Let Noah and Louisa take you on a journey to the Mediterranean coast, where people get extremely het up about what goes in their green sauces.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds...
2023-01-0843 minNo Substitutions, PleaseNachosWhat's great about nachos is how modular they are: no matter what protein, type of cheese, or toppings you prefer, there's a plate of nachos out there you'll like.
And yet, somehow, there are people—quite famous people, of some renown in the recipe world—who have managed to screw them up. Noah and Louisa discover that, for the first time in NSP history, they have the ultimate definitional element for a great show: a recurring villain.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmc...
2023-01-011h 04No Substitutions, PleaseFruitcakeWhether it's steamed or baked, dense or light, a full-meal wedge or a dessert slice, there's one thing both sides of the Atlantic ocean agree on: everyone absolutely hates this garbage food. Noah's first fruitcake foray came on the same week as this episode was recorded, so Louisa gets to explain to him—and laugh at his increasing terror.
Oh, and if you happen to celebrate today: Merry Christmas. Hope you enjoy our present to you!
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@la...
2022-12-2551 minNo Substitutions, PleasePernilSomething like half of Puerto Rican Christmas carols involve the key subject of cooking pork. There is a good reason for this: it's absolutely delicious. Let Noah and Louisa tell you about this magical dish and all the ways in which it'll make you happy.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
...
2022-12-1851 minNo Substitutions, PleaseRoast BeefWhether a Sunday dinner staple or the centerpiece of a beautiful holiday dinner, whether eye of round or prime rib, a roast beef treated well is a memorable treat. Louisa's got the reins on this episode, as Noah asks her how to choose a good cut, tricks to combat shrinkflation-induced lean roasts, and more.
Plus, courtesy of listener Matt and @madcitybeergeek, find out how one galaxy-brained genius decided to make his chili.
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...
2022-12-1148 minNo Substitutions, PleaseStuffingRight now, a number of you are yelling the word "dressing" at your phones, and people think you're being weird. Better to listen and find out how Noah and Louisa like this side dish, so often oddly restricted to Thanksgiving despite its many wonderful qualities.
Plus: our second mailbag, sent in by another loyal reader, and . . . hoo boy, it's a good one.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find...
2022-12-0435 minNo Substitutions, PleaseTurkeyIf you went to a Thanksgiving dinner this coming week (*brag*), chances are pretty good the centerpiece of it was a turkey cooked to crispy and golden perfection. Or so we hope. For the people who didn't quite get to enjoy that, Noah and Louisa have some things to say.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at...
2022-11-2749 minNo Substitutions, PleaseMac & CheeseWhichever shape of pasta you use, however many cheeses you melt, wherever you finish the dish—and whether it's your main dish or a side—mac & cheese is a true classic. Noah and Louisa make sure to give each element its due.
As a tenth-episode bonus, they also do two firsts: dunk on a recipe they found on the Internet, and discuss a comment received from a reader!
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
2022-11-2057 minNo Substitutions, PleasePotato Leek SoupIn the fall, a home cook's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of spuds—and, perhaps, leeks cooked in butter. Noah and Louisa discover that, no matter how simply a dish may be named, you can't stop some people from overcomplicating it.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Foo...
2022-11-1351 minNo Substitutions, PleaseSpaghetti & MeatballsWhat could be more Italian than spaghetti and meatballs? Well, to hear some people tell it, lots of things—and they might be right. Noah and Louisa attempt to defuse this source of ongoing cross-Atlantic tension.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is go...
2022-11-0650 minNo Substitutions, PleasePumpkin PieOur spookiest episode yet . . . well, if you're scared of autumnal whiffs of mortality. Look, there's not a whole lot of homemade Halloween foods, okay? Noah and Louisa did their best to be respectful to a serviceable pie. Some other people did not. These are their stories.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
2022-10-3033 minNo Substitutions, PleaseFried ChickenWhether breaded, battered or even dredged—depending on your recipe—delicious poultry covered in equally tasty starch and goldened in oil is beloved the world over. Unless it's made by some of the people Noah and Louisa tripped over in their research.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Stre...
2022-10-2349 minNo Substitutions, PleaseRice & BeansLike all classic comfort food, they're infinitely customizable in flavor, seasoning, texture, technique . . . and yet Noah and Louisa managed to find the one thing you probably shouldn't do to them.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
2022-10-1644 minNo Substitutions, PleaseCaesar SaladAnchovies, mustard, torn lettuce—what is it with Caesars and causing arguments about classics? Noah and Louisa wade into the comment sections of the Internet to see what's what.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
2022-10-0936 minNo Substitutions, PleaseGrilled CheeseOne cannot live on bread and cheese alone. Or can one? To answer that, Louisa and Noah toast up more of the Internet's finest home cooks.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License.
2022-10-0230 minNo Substitutions, PleaseChiliWhether it's about beans, tomatoes, onions, or garlic, no food seems to cause arguments with more frequency, or more vehemence, than good old chili. This week, Louisa and Noah try to get to the bottom of the bowl.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds...
2022-09-2546 minNo Substitutions, PleaseChocolate Chip CookiesWho doesn’t love the classics? For our first episode, Noah and Louisa take a look at that most famous and shareable of baked goods, regardless of breadth, crisp, or chew: the chocolate chip cookie.
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Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.
Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz
If you should find any outlandish recipe comments you'd like us to discuss, send them our way at nosubstitutionspls@gmail.com.
Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by...
2022-09-0442 min