Rachel & Jackie - Podcast Details

Shows

Fire the CanonFrankenstein Part 2: The Demon of Bulimia, the Gift of MurderWelcome back for part 2 of the amazing Frankenstein, or: a pale nerd who sucks, has sucked, and will continue to suck. In this penultimate part of the series, we hear the story of The Creature's early life and the family he watched do literally everything for like two years without them knowing. Bekah has to exorcise her cat. Rachel doesn't know the difference between colonoscopies and prostate exams, she just knows something goes up a butt. Jackie had many, many chances to read this book. Nikita is the only one who makes any sense, earning her the t...2025-03-131h 28

Fire the CanonThe Cask of Amontillado: You Should've Never Called Me a Fat-Ass Kelly PriceAt long last, follow your fearless crew down into the depths of our nitre-covered bone dungeon for a taste of something delightful! The Cask of Amontillado is one of ol' EAP's most famous short stories, and boy does it have something for everyone. Rachel attempts to lure Jackie to her doom using rare Kermits. Bekah can't imagine having beef with Fortunato, who is a silly little guy we all love. Jackie learns something about cat anatomy courtesy of Hunter, the village idiot.Topics include: a mysterious gesticulating motion, mercator projections, physical bleeping, the national motto o...2024-11-141h 01

Fire the CanonA Midsummer Night’s Dream Finale: Another Clam of Wisdom from the Chowder of Knowledge(Happy Thursday! That’s right, it’s Thursday. Don’t check.) Wow! A podcast! That’s the feeling you should get from this episode. Y’all… those crazy Athenian kids are still stuck in the dang woods. Will Puck, Oberon, and Titania continue messing with the humans and each other? Will Bottom regain his human form? Will the love triangles ever get resolved?! Knowing Shakespeare, the answer is yes, but let’s find out together. Bekah plugs the mini fridge back in; Jackie does an amazing impression of Diego the saber-toothed tiger; Rachel does some moon math.Topics...2024-08-231h 07

Fire the CanonA Midsummer Night’s Dream Begins: Flavor-Blasting a Little Pilgrim BoyWe’re back, with Shakespeare’s comedy classic, A Midsummer Night’s Dream! Basically, four young Athenians with romance problems wander into the woods and get messed with by a bunch of fairies - you know the drill. It’s a good time, you’ll love it. (Fun fact: Jackie once acted in this play! Ten imaginary points if you guess as which character.) Jackie pulls a classic “Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka”; Rachel is dark and average; Bekah brags about her leviathan-like speedTopics include: Fakespeare again, the Fatherly Spirit, the Suite Life of Zack & Cody, time travel fo...2024-08-081h 22

Fire the CanonMrs. Dalloway Ends: I Don't Care What Some Brooklynite Says About Love and God and VomitWell, well, well! We're back after a long hiatus in the middle of a pretty short book due to vacations of various sorts. For example, Jackie took a vacation to Italy (listen for an amazing story of being a dumb American), AND a vacation from being healthy by immediately getting Covid upon her return! But now we're all healthy and thriving, and Mrs. Dalloway's FTC arc is complete. Like life itself, this episode in turns both gross and beautiful! Tune in to find out if the second half of the book sucks. NOTE: This episode discusses suicide. S...2024-06-272h 00

Fire the CanonThe Life and Times of Virginia Woolf: I Love How Women Are Like A MommyJoin us as we delve into the life of Virginia Woolf, a woman who was many things, chiefly among them a writer! Despite Jackie promising to make this the most depressing author bio episode of all time, Rachel and Bekah refuse to let it happen. There's a lot of laughter, but also some almost-tears, and some hard topics, but it's worth it. Rachel reveals the third, heretofore unknown Charlie and the Chocolate Factory sequel. Bekah thinks Modernism was a mistake. Jackie horrifies the others with her puppet-like countenance.Topics include: Firehouse Subs, Jesus, German vermin, big heads...2024-05-021h 16

Fire the CanonCharlie and the Chocolate Factory Finale: Give Me a Squirrel, DaddyThe gang finishes out the tale of ol' C-Bucks and the maniacal chocolate man in spectacular fashion - late, but not that late! Thanks for the endless patience of our many adoring fans. We would never turn you into marshmallows, even if that tube DID go to the marshmallow room.Jackie fucks up her audio, but doesn't know it yet (don't worry, she fixes it in post). Rachel flexes secret first-edition knowledge. Bekah is really good at pogo sticking. Topics include: dating as a one-inch tall woman, grad school application mistakes, CV tips from Jackie, s...2024-04-131h 16

Fire the CanonThe Reading Corner 1 (Patreon Bonus)Happy March, everyone! For our Patreon bonus, we thought we'd try something new: The Reading Corner! Jackie and Rachel have a friendly chit chat about whatever books we're currently reading. Maybe it will become a recurring feature? It all depends on what you like, and what Jackie likes. It doesn't matter at all what Rachel likes. For the full episode and all our other bonuses, go to patreon.com/firethecanon and join the fam! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2024-03-0707 min

Fire the CanonCharles Dickens' The Battle of Life: Christmas Out the WazooThis week, we're joined by a very special guest: Nikita! Jackie handpicked her to co-host this episode because Nikita is funny, despite not being a man. We read and discussed the fourth of Charles Dickens' five Christmas Books so you don't have to, and you can go ahead and thank us for that. Rachel's mom tells her she doesn't deserve any presents. Jackie discovers God is real. Nikita informs her husband that under no circumstances is he to continue living after her death. Topics include: La Femme Nikita, Lucy Liu/Maggie Q, Santa Claus stories, leprechaun disappointment, t...2023-12-211h 38

Fire the CanonMoby Dick Part 3: The Town Ho's StoryAhoy, y’all! We’re back and we’re covering chapters 46 through 70 of Moby Dick. Sorry we were gone so long; Jackie was planning her annual Halloween party (that’s why we were gone, not Rachel’s wedding or bar exam study). In this part, Ishmael tells us the only good thing about Tahiti, and the Pequod boys finally have an interaction with a whale (spoiler alert - we don’t like it). Jackie introduces her new mini series: Things That Make Me Cry Now That I’m Not Taking Anxiety Meds. Rachel enjoys a regional delicacy. Bekah has no idea what’s ab...2023-11-161h 31

Fire the CanonMoby Dick Part 2: You Can't Be a Bad Guy if You're a WifeHappy Monday! Are we late from last week, or early this week? Who knows. Look, we aren't JUST telling you what happens in chapters 26 through 45 of Moby Dick this week. We're also inviting you to a party that is DEFINITELY NOT A WEIRD SEX THING, explaining how to make bathtub crank, and telling you which apartments don't have glory holes in them. We thank you for your patience during the gap between this episode and the last, by the way - as Rachel's wedding nears, and Jackie is felled by the plague, time has been tight. We hope to...2023-09-111h 31

Fire the Canon1-Star Reviews: The Fellowship of the Ring (Patreon Preview)Happy Thursday, everyone! This week we have a Patreon bonus preview for you all, in which Bekah and Jackie take turns reading each other one-star reviews of each other's favorite books. This week, Bekah tries Jackie's patience with the words of some of the world's smartest book reviewers. We talk confusing feelings and even more confused grammar by various Goodreads users on The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien. Join us for the next Patreon bonus in August, where we'll continue the fun with Jackie reading terrible reviews of Bekah's favorite book. Fun for the whole...2023-07-2717 min

Fire the CanonThe Poetry of Sappho: Lil' Dicky from Man-LandHappy Thursday! This week Rachel, Jackie, and Bekah wrap up Pride Month with a bang. The gang keeps it lesbian and discuss the life and times (what little is known about them) of Sappho, the Ancient Greek "Poetess" whose works have survived for nearly 2500 years and are still being discovered and discussed. She was also probably at least somewhat if not very gay! Rachel hates Bekah's cats. Bekah could probably get away with drilling through most of a person before anyone notices. Jackie gives a rodent CPR.Topics include: a totally real, heterosexual husband; the Alexandria Library o...2023-06-291h 16

Fire the CanonThe Wisdom of Ptah-Hotep: Advice from the Oldest Book in the World (or, 110 Years to Prove the Pharaoh is Awesome)The original gang is back! Why? Because Theo needs advice. Not just any advice - the oldest advice in the world. That’s right - this week we’re discussing The Wisdom of Ptah-Hotep, a “book” of “advice” from Ptah-Hotep, vizier of Pharaoh Isesi, the last ruler of the Fifth Dynasty of Egypt. Theo has a suggestion for how we can avoid fixing the healthcare system. Jackie Kermits against her will. Rachel reminisces about her old classssssmatessss, Bobo and Bilbo. Topics include: Fuddruckers, Coca-Mola, Serpent Handling 101, Undermining the Government in a God-Fearing Way, frame narratives (which Rachel came up with), Battiscombe G...2023-06-011h 29

Fire the CanonSlaughterhouse-Five Part 1: Billy Pilgrim Has Come Unstuck in Time.In this episode, your intrepid hosts cover the first half of Kurt Vonnegut's highly autobiographical masterpiece, Slaughterhouse-Five. If you didn't catch his bio episode (#112), we highly recommend taking a listen! Accurately described by Rachel as both an upper and a downer at the same time, SH5 is a wild ride that spans multiple decades, countries, and planets, all with the hapless and more or less ego-less Billy Pilgrim at its center. There's also a secret subtitle which doesn't appear on the cover but definitely still counts. Rachel inserts a truly unexpected interlude mid-episode. Jacob is back and better than...2023-04-131h 17

Fire the CanonThe Life and Times of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.: You Gotta Ban the Books!In preparation for our Slaughterhouse-Five episodes in April, this week we're covering the life of its author, Kurt Vonnegut Jr.! Never heard of him? Neither has Bekah! But sure enough, we'll all learn a little bit together, with Jackie leading us through the biography of one of her favorite authors. Kurt Von D, as no one ever called him until just this very instant, lived a life defined by extremes - unimaginable tragedy followed him for most of his life, interspersed with the truly absurd, the romantic, the humorous, and the humane. He was a Cornell dropout, a prisoner...2023-03-301h 14

Fire the CanonShakespeare's Twelfth Night Part 1: Lies. All Lies.We have great news this week - for one, we made it through another 7 days in the hellscape that is life in the 21st century, even though the Death Plume is slowly creeping toward Jackie's house. For another, much more significantly, Bekah got a new mic, which makes our first episode covering William Shakespeare's 'Twelfth Night' that much more enjoyable! We bring the early 17th century right here to your ears so you can bask in the glory that was only having to worry about the plague. Rachel has a piece of advice for Brits. Bekah meets Liv Tyler...2023-02-161h 21

Fire the CanonPinocchio Part 2: Not a Puppet, Not Yet a BoyWe wrap up the ridiculously child-inappropriate children's story of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi. Host Rachel says it best when she sums it up thusly: sometimes barely anything happens, and sometimes way too much happens. Ain't that just the way? If you, like Bekah, enjoy cruelty towards puppets, you'll enjoy this episode. Rachel is pretty sure some puppets are gay. Bekah is open to ghosts. Jackie begs Rachel to become a donkey for her, just this once. Topics include: Ethiopian proverbs, grapes in wife form, the Island of Invisible Disabilities, a dog that may be alive or dead, Reagan Republicans, a...2023-02-021h 16

Fire the CanonThe Life and Times of Washington Irving: One Hundred Years of CrayonThis week, we bring you the tale of Washington Irving, a delightful historical troll and one of our current favorite guys. Perhaps best known for being the author of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle, he should be even better known for his many and varied pen names. Join us as we experience awe and delight at his weird life! Theo suggests a new cool podcast tradition. Rachel makes a slightly off-color joke (or does she?). Jackie’s hopped up on Irv. Topics include: man vs. nature/society/himself, Nell’s least favorite hosts, a list of ways to...2022-09-151h 09

Fire the CanonThe Great Gatsby, Part 1: Restaurant Workers Can’t Be AliensSettle in for a discussion of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s most famous work like you never heard it in school: by three highly distractible people who curse a lot, one of whom hasn’t read the book. We cover the first four chapters (of 9) and give you plenty of fun historical tidbits, like Fitzgerald’s abandoned title ideas, the true meaning of the book, and why there are so many goddamn gin and fruit cocktails everywhere. Rachel advocates the firebombing of Duke University. Jackie frightens a new friend. Theo discovers a new way to advertise the podcast. Topics include: Get Ou...2022-08-181h 30

Fire the CanonKafka’s Metamorphosis, Part 1: The Hulk of Messing Things Up (a.k.a. The Transformation or Die Verwandlung)Today we read and discuss Part 1 of The Metamorphosis, the famous tale of Gregor Samsa, a salesman who awakens one morning to find himself transformed into some sort of monstrous insect. Theo gives himself an award. Jackie flails around like a Muppet, as usual. Rachel runs the gamut of hellish experiences at Heathrow Airport. Topics include: Jackie’s feelings towards her great-grandfather, our largest demographic, Amburgers & Wootbeer, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Stephen on the road, German breakfast rolls, peeing in/on the Church of Scientology, Seven Habits of Highly Affected People, cloacae, “okey-dokey, Ootheocae!”, Bug Juice, really great ways to eat ant...2022-07-211h 15

Fire the CanonThe Life and Times of Franz Kafka: Fighting GodIf you enjoy hearing people talk about the life of author Franz Kafka, have we got a treat for you! In this episode, Jackie’s the captain now, and she gets a little too into her Kafka research. She delved too greedily and too deep, and is now officially obsessed with old Franz. Now you get to reap the fruits of her labor! Come back next week to hear us talk about Kafka’s most famous novella, The Metamorphosis. Theo becomes the producer.exe. Rachel is on the computers’ side in the coming revolution. Topics include: Jackie’s dad’s e-mail password...2022-07-141h 14

Fire the CanonPercy Bysshe Shelley’s Ozymandias: Talking Poetry with Professor Ross WhiteWell, well, well, look who we have here - Jackie’s previous poetry professor (and poet), Ross White. We discuss Ross’s favorite poem: Shelley’s badass masterpiece (badassterpiece?), Ozymandias. Rachel insults all poets. Theo therapizes/becomes the executive, legislative, and judicial producer. Jackie continues to have singularly unique experiences. Topics include: Downsizing (2017), tiny things, Breaking Bad, badassery, The Little Prince, Star Wars, really good salads, the eternal American empire, Charlie Friendship, Luca, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Lost, objective sonic value, ska, long flowing skirts, Leprechaun 2: Back 2 the Hood, and A Ghost Story (the Kesha f...2022-06-161h 03

Fire the CanonTheo's Birthday Episode (Patreon Preview)Well, well, well. Look who decided to join Jackie and Rachel on the right side of 30! That would be Theo, our (actual, this time) birthday boy-producer. In honor of this special day, Rachel decided to give him the greatest gift of all: an idea for a birthday episode that he didn't have to come up with himself. We discuss the children's book My Dog Talks by Gail Herman, an age-inappropriate classic that entered Theo's young life through a series of whimsical events, and critically compare it with another heavy hitter from the canine communication canon: Martha Speaks by Susan Meddaugh...2022-05-2617 min

Fire the CanonMother’s Day Mayhem!This week we have a very special, very cute episode for you all - we interviewed our moms! Well, we each interviewed our respective moms. Buckle up for some cute stories and wide-ranging children’s book opinions. Theo and his mom issue a challenge. Jackie and her mom learn some surprisingly spooky information about each other. Rachel and her mom actually discuss books.Books mentioned: Little House on the Prairie, Winnie the Pooh, Martha Speaks, Pride & Prejudice, Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Are You My Mother?, The Runaway Bunny, Hop on Pop, Beezus and Ramona, Ramona the Pest, Henry H...2022-05-121h 11

Fire the CanonThe Poetry of Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz: Feminist, Lesbian, Spitfire, 17th-Century Mexican NunFeliz Cinco de Mayo! This week, we’re talking about one of our favorite nuns, the genius author, poet, and scholar Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz. Born in the mid-1600s, Sor Juana’s work has had a resurgence in the past few decades, and we want to get a little piece of the action for ourselves. (Yes, we know Cinco de Mayo isn’t actually a big deal in Mexico.) Rachel shakes people’s hands just to MESS with them. Jackie reveals one of the rules of being white. Theo recommends time travel. Topics include: Kermit face, head nods betwe...2022-05-0545 min

Fire the CanonVoltaire’s Candide, or Optimism Part 1: A Young Teenage Boy-Man-ishVoltaire’s renowned 1759 satire of the idea that everything is for the best! Candide, a young German fellow, goes on a series of increasingly worse (and more bizarre) adventures, and does his best to maintain his sunny disposition. Theo reveals the last thing he wanted to do. Rachel is so powerful, despite having clothes on. Jackie plays an ultrasound prank. Topics include: honchxheads, Dune 1984-style, the idea of human suffering, a bunch of little Stalins running around, nonbinary Leibniz, Will Smith vs. Christopher R. Ock, the Lollipop Guild, Theo’s neighbor Vernon, Flight of the Bumblebee, Hello by Adele, Game of T...2022-04-211h 38

Fire the CanonThe Life and Times of Voltaire: The Pete Davidson of the EnlightenmentGather round, audience, and we’ll tell you a tale of Voltaire, perhaps the greatest satirist in all of France. Learn why this man kept getting sent to England (a fate worse than death)! Find out which family member he hooked up with! Discover what his friends did with his body after he died! Rachel apologizes for having taken a philosophy course. Jackie comes for Young Thug. Theo declares his intention to cremate himself out of courteousness.Topics include: the ethics of Havana Moon by Chuck Berry, birthday episodes, Bartleby, Harry Houdini, Lil Pimp, the luxuriousness of the Bastill...2022-04-1458 min

Fire the CanonYoon Ha Lee on Space Operas and Surviving as a WriterWe’ve got a very special guest for you this week - Yoon Ha Lee, author of, among others, the Machineries of Empire series, and the Thousand Worlds series (with Rick Riordan Presents). Join us as we compare adult SF/F publishing to middle grade & YA, get our PhDs in space operas, and even discuss the appeal of robots. Theo is more honorable than Jackie. Jackie reveals some truly shocking information. Rachel talks about her worst teacher. Yoon exposes his own shameless pandering. Topics include: the Labyrinth board game, choose your own adventure books, Spyro, The Lord of the Ri...2022-04-071h 28

Fire the CanonDubliners Finale: The Michael-KillerWe wrap up the final 7 stories of James Joyce’s ‘Dubliners’. Somehow, despite the stories only getting sadder, we were more or less beside ourselves with silliness. Sometimes the stars just align that way, and neither soaring prose nor existential dread nor the revelation that one of us had unwittingly done something extremely embarrassing during a previous recording can bring us down. But fear not, for we still manage to get you (and ourselves) suitably learnt. Theo sings a song in Latin. Jackie experiences a fall from grace and emerges as Hillary Clinton. Rachel knows what it’s about, but does...2022-03-241h 49

Fire the CanonJames Joyce’s Dubliners, Part 1: Two O’GoofusesHappy St. Patrick’s Day! In this seasonally appropriate episode, we read the first 8 short stories that comprise James Joyce’s 1914 collection ‘Dubliners’. A portrait of middle-class life in the titular city at the turn of the 20th century, things undeniably get weird, and the gang has to figure out how to talk about it without throwing up from sadness. Tune in to find out if they succeed! Theo is Aladdin in more ways than one. Jackie doesn’t understand how e-books work. Rachel wants her $20 back. Topics include: screaming carrots, Apple Jacks, the inaugural Oberlin goat, petty theft, young love...2022-03-171h 37

Fire the CanonWinnie-the-Pooh Finale: A Pig of No Simple FortuneWe read the last five chapters of Winnie-the-Pooh, by A.A. Milne. Which character is a badass bitch? Which character is the most like Theo? Which character makes Theo suddenly turn against the book entirely? Find out if this book gets to remain a classic, or if we decide to fire it out of the canon entirely. (Or a secret third option?!) Rachel disrespects the wishes of the dead. Jackie becomes a Luddite. Theo considers the benefits of killing Rachel. Topics include: plane landings, Rowlf the Dog, cell phone destruction, Borat, dragons’ hoards, Faraday cages, men of letters...2022-03-031h 33

Fire the CanonWinnie-the-Pooh Begins: Screwing Up Every DayWe read the first five chapters of Winnie-the-Pooh, by A.A. Milne. As usual, our hosts have varying degrees of familiarity with this childhood classic. Does it hold up? Is it worth having kids just to read to them about Pooh and the gang? Let’s find out together. Theo reminisces about the sweet, delicious Pepsi Era. Jackie is still mad at Capri Sun. Rachel is being very Central American. Topics include: the Taisho Era, birthday errors, PG Wodehouse, AskJeeves, Edward Bear, imaginary friends (Alajenka, Caluppy, and Horse Big), gorse prickles, Nena, Polyphemus, Odysseus, genital nicknames, Pooh in a Pooh Hole...2022-02-241h 33

Fire the CanonValentine’s Day Special: Browning Battle! DTM - Down to MarryAh, love. We love it in all of its forms. One of those forms is the love between Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning, both legendary poets, each married to the other. But which is better?! In the gladiatorial arena of romance, two love poems enter, but only one love poem leaves. Rachel stans a cougar. Jackie is a closeted sexist. Theo learns that he’s not a learner. Topics include: Nathaniel Hawthorne, Easy A, Rosemary’s Baby, exclamation points, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Goosebumps, Percy Bysshe Shelley weebs, how to calculate area Content warning: slavery, drowning, mis...2022-02-1441 min

Fire the CanonRomeo and Juliet, But Make it FunnyY’all know the drill! Shakespeare’s classic - boy and girl meet, fall in love immediately, and, through a series of misadventures, die. Sure, it’s famous, but does it hold up?! Jackie single-handedly defeats the whole purpose of the podcast. Theo taints the whole thing. Rachel helps high schoolers cheat on a quiz. Topics include: secret societies, chocolate assholes, Ann Hathaway’s performance in Interstellar, the origin of bacon, early aughts fashion, Kony 2012, Jimmy Stewart, biting thumbs, arranged marriages, 100% illiteracy, Romiette and Julio, potions, West Side Story, the Muppets, The Lion King 2, 10 Things I Hate About You, She’s the Man...2022-02-101h 26

Fire the CanonCyrano de Bergerac Finale: A Down South Baptizin’We finish reading the last three acts of Rostand’s Cyrano de Bergerac, and finally find out if this play is a rom, a com, or a dram. One of our most high concept episodes yet! The gang processes their first one star review in a very healthy way. Theo takes a look inside his own head, and doesn’t like what he sees. Jackie sweetens a baby. Rachel is bawlin’ out. Topics include: a donkey that speaks English, waiter stories, Theo’s routine, theorbos, telephone pictionary, Bob Dylan, James Earl Jones, six ways to get to the moon, the origin of...2022-02-031h 57

Fire the CanonCyrano de Bergerac Part 1: The Monkey of Brioche----more----We read the first two acts of Edmond Rostand’s classic romantic tragedy, Cyrano de Bergerac. It’s entirely possible that Cyrano is the coolest guy who ever lived. Listen in as we lay the groundwork for a familiar-sounding love triangle! Jackie speaks fluent German. Theo lifts weights with gusto. Rachel stands up for women. Topics include: Muppet Babies, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer (sic), a good take on tertiary syphilis, Hamilton, anagrams, Alphonse Mucha, the Spanish(?) Flu, himbos, curly brains, Will Smith (not the one you’re thinking), whether Cyrano is OP, more dog stories, Scrappy Doo, T-Pain, and IKEA. 2022-01-271h 42

Fire the Canon1984 Finale: The McDoubleThink is BackJoin us for the dramatic ending of 1984! At the end of episode 2, Winston had been captured by the party, and thrown in prison. Let’s see what becomes of him and his gal pal Julia. Most importantly, let’s see if your hosts fire this book out of the dang canon! Theo does a seriously amazing job remembering what we’ve read so far. Jackie sings Fast Car, as is customary. Rachel blatantly virtue signals. Topics include: the agents of SHIELD, Rudyard Kipling, God vs. GAWD, what to look for in an apartment, mayonnaise, BlacKkKlansman, Down to Earth, The Pr...2022-01-201h 43

Fire the Canon1984 Part 2: 10 Years of Punching ExperienceThings in Oceania are really heating up! This time around, our hero Winston gets up to some seriously illegal (romantic) mischief. Rachel falls down the side of a mountain. Jackie refuses to put a price on her dignity. Theo gets decked by a fourth grader. Thoo, if you’re out there, get in touch. Topics include: Ireland, Cook Out, pirates, No Nut November, goiter treatment tips, a pleasant Covid surprise, Elisir Novasalus, Jeff Bezos (our nemesis), Arnold Schwarzenegger, chopper controversy, and Cheerwine. Content warning: sexual assault, violence, murder, racism, fatphobia We are, unfortunately, not sponsored by Cook...2022-01-131h 29

Fire the Canon1984 Part 1: The Stupidest Thing Everyone Has Ever TweetedWell, a new year has come, and once again we find ourselves in 1984. Or do we???? Join us as we discuss Part 1 of George Orwell’s dystopian classic. Theo immediately causes trouble/aspires to become a party man. Jackie throws her hat in the ring for the Most Confusing Sentence Award. Rachel quotes her favorite politicians. Theo’s brother makes his podcast debut. Topics include: the traditional LotR quote, overalls, the Vape Queen, conversion trouble, milk bars, hacking, creepy bathrooms, homemade dog heads, Clacky, The Proposal with Sandra Bullock, participation trophies, Mean Girls, The Screwtape Letters, Scrooge moments, and the party...2022-01-061h 17

Fire the CanonDickens’ The Chimes: Gob Bless Us, Every OneA new year is upon us, and what better way to celebrate than to continue our tradition of joking our way through each of Charles Dickens’ five Christmas Books? In ‘The Chimes: A Goblin Story of Some Bells that Rang an Old Year Out and a New Year In,’ a poor old man learns a valuable lesson about the dangers of tripe consumption. Theo reveals a newer, more sultry side. Jackie wishes we wouldn’t sexualize everything. Rachel fondly recalls a childhood friend with a surprising talent. We all get very confused, but it’s not our fault. Topics i...2021-12-301h 24

Fire the CanonHercule Poirot’s Christmas: If You See Something, Slit SomethingWe read Agatha Christie’s Christmas mystery (Christery) classic, and share our favorite flavors. Spoilers for this decades old book abound! An old man is found dead in a giant pool of blood, after what seems to be a struggle. Which of his innumerable children did the deed?! Rachel builds suspense. Jackie is fine with being either friends or more than friends. Theo becomes a random word generator. Topics include: umami, Christeriousness, David Suchet, little gray cells, Wilson’s baby, creaminess, Egg Mode, English gayness or lack thereof, Big Mouth Billy Bass, Gregor Mendel a.k.a. Carolus Lin...2021-12-161h 20

Fire the CanonCicero’s How to Be a Friend: Brainless GeniusesIt’s our special anniversary episode! We decided it was high time we figured out if we were doing this whole friendship thing right, so we checked in with the ancient Roman philosopher Cicero. Rachel refuses to relitigate the major theme of The Odyssey. Jackie gets TWO more cats, seriously! Theo reveals what he values above all else. Topics include: limericks yet again, two wolves, the fall of the Roman Empire, Caesar himself, Facebook vs. Meta, chickpeas, gorgeous beans, senex amators, chickpea money, Dr. Decenex, the freaking human centipede, street smarts, shameful sexual rendezvous, Golden Corral nepotism, elephants, Lord of...2021-12-091h 23

Fire the CanonRobert Frost’s Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening: They’re All PippinWe read that wintry Frosty Rob classic! Here’s the deal: we literally talked about this poem for almost a week after recording. Should we have said some of that stuff during the episode? You decide. Anyway, don’t miss the Marvel-style post-credits scene! Theo is looking for a sugar mama (this is not a joke). Rachel gets s’owned. Jackie munches on some paper. Topics include: sea shanties, French henchmen, the United Nations flag, classic slapstick, the Beatles, Vietnam, Dominic Monaghan, Elijah Woods, Muppets, the clown beat, secret messages, limericks again, Donald Trump deepfakes, John Stamos & Frank Sinatra’s son, s...2021-12-0240 min

Fire the CanonLysistrata: A Newer, More Glamorous, Supremely Seductive MeWe read Aristophanes’ classic Ancient Greek sex comedy, Lysistrata! It’s good to be back, baby. Join us as we revel in this extremely crude no-nut classic. Theo finally keeps his dang shirt on. Jackie writes a road rap. Rachel brags about her great rapport with babies.Topics include: a billion dick jokes, No Nut November, a compliment pizza, Lucky Charms, NPR joke books, Lake Wobegon, Monica Lewinsky, Millenials, allergy denial, walking poo, Opa callbacks, Puke Bush Swamp, Bingoing, dads and vegetarianism, essential amino acids, the moneymaker, spider peens, Oscar Isaac, a crocodile of penises, Tubbly Bubbly, gem-like phlegm, famous pi...2021-11-251h 43

Fire the CanonThe Little Prince Finale: Mr. Pig ExpertThe curtain closes on our reading of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s classic book, The Little Prince. Appropriately, this episode bounces around between silly, informative, and touching. Join us on this journey through the stars! Theo goes from nasty & rude to touching. Jackie is called Scary Theo & Scary Jack. (Jackie’s cats don’t make the cut.). Rachel tells a seriously gruesome tale. Topics include: rats vs. mice, the WNBA, Moses Moody, pigs and pancakes, procrastination, the cat keeper, the scary drawings rap, a rectangular penis, loud water bottles, buried treasure, misterstresses, Force ghosts, visual jokes, The Dark Cr...2021-11-181h 45

Fire the CanonDune (2021) vs. Dune (1984) with Jess Owens: A Cat with a Rat Taped to ItWe hosted a watch party of the (spoilers) BIZARRE 1980s Dune, and then separately watched the 2021 version, and now we’re here to tell you all what we think. Theo loves David Lynch’s grotesquerie. Jess is Judge Judy. Rachel shares her favorite group of white guys. Jackie doesn’t want to talk about Dune ever again. Topics include: Saw, torture porn vs. food porn, Biblical-level disgusting, anti-gravity belts, hot pot, Timmy Chevrolet, Daddy Leto, Mimosa Mike, Ursula K. Le Guin, NK Jemisin, Duncan Utah, Ned Stark vibes, a very happy old man, The Lord of the Rings again, the Zenday...2021-11-111h 23

Fire the CanonThe Little Prince Part 1: We Like Sheep!The gang reads and discusses Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s melancholy children’s classic The Little Prince. Turns out Saint-Exupéry led a surprisingly exciting and sensual life! Find out all about it in this exclusive episode. (Our apologies in advance for the probably-offensive attempts at French accents.) Rachel is the freaking birthday girl. Jackie’s not very wrong. Theo forbids his friends from harmonizing. Topics include: No Nut November, Handel’s Messiah, friendly pranks, Professor Josh Levine, Gregor Mendel, Felix Mendelssohn, Nazi-killin’, airplane trends, mail/male pilots, Gaturro vs. Garfield, Jimmy Hoffa, the gift of rocks, kindred spirits, making friends as a...2021-11-0455 min

Fire the CanonHalloween Bonus! Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark: 90 Kids in a TrenchcoatHappy Halloween, canoneers! In this spooktacular bonus episode, we read and discuss five selections from Alvin Schwartz's "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" series. Infamous for their horrifyingly non-child friendly accompanying illustrations, these lil guys were a staple of late twentieth century childhood (for one of our hosts, anyway). Theo gets white girl wasted and removes his shirt. Jackie's mailbox is used to commit multiple felonies. Rachel keeps it light. And finally, two out of two women on this podcast agree: they would eat the fish. Topics include: weebs, Schrodinger’s nips, well-fitting suits, Men’s Wearhouse, power moves...2021-10-311h 05

Fire the CanonFrank Herbert’s Dune, ft. Jack Morgan: Little Miss LivermushTime for some Dune analysis, y’all! (For more plot-centric discussion, check out our previous episode Dune: Our Friends the Worms.). We brought on our good friend Jack Morgan, former comedian/current doctor, to discuss his favorite(?) book. If you want to hear us dig in to the meat of the book, this is the episode for you. Jack doxes his own baby. Rachel schedules a guest well in advance. Jackie owns and leans into her hunger. Theo lets out a well-timed Lord of the Rings quote. Topics include: The Turning of the Screw, The Taming of th...2021-10-2844 min

Fire the CanonThe 10 Strangest Births in Greek Mythology(?): Zaddy, Zexy, ZeusIn honor of the baby our planned guest just HAD to have on our recording day, we decided to instead record an episode based on a poorly-written blog’s list of the 10 supposedly strangest births in Greek mythology. Theo brings his A game with all the potty talk. Jackie DOES NOT misgender an old lady and buys lots of syrup. Rachel is honestly disgusted. Topics include: bad Yelp reviews, fart*** ***holes, The Tangerine Bear, Corduroy, Ted, the Family Guy guy, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Caesarian sections, crossword puzzles, meh, Shel Silverstein, Perseus, Zeus, Hephaestus, Medusa, Hera, Butlers, Sophie’s Zoice, Artemis & Apollo...2021-10-211h 01

Fire the CanonDune: Our Friends the WormsThey said it couldn’t be done, but we did it! That’s right - in ONE episode, we manage to discuss all 800 pages of the sci-fi classic Dune, by Frank Herbert. (For a more analysis-heavy discussion, check out our later episode Frank Herbert's Dune: Little Miss Livermush.) Today as a guest, we have the world’s greatest Dunespert! (No, not Frank Herbert.) Rachel virtue signals about gummy diversity. Jackie explains K-pop boys to us. Theo realizes he’s had two Fremen by his side all along. Topics include: GumbyxPokey, the best athlete’s foot medication, David...2021-10-141h 49

Fire the CanonDostoevsky’s The Dream of a Ridiculous Man: Electronic JaculasToday, (most of) the gang reads a short story by Dostoevsky, in which a ridiculous man has a significant dream and won’t shut up about it. Theo is a birthday boy producer! Jackie is too old for a milk carton yet too young for a Smuckers jar. Rachel is insulted by someone who should really know better. Topics include: the 3 host problem, Wheaties, Count Chocula, Dracula Weekly, Drac of the Month, Got Milk ads, convoluted insults, Colossal D, dead Russian juice, inhuman plumbers, Super Mario, the humanity of Italians, Lil Wayne, the Human Centipede (yes, again), Jay-Z and Pushki...2021-09-301h 08

Fire the CanonWuthering Heights Finale: Enough Mush for TwoIn this episode, we wrap up the final 9 chapters of Wuthering Heights. Things get weird! Like… so weird it’s honestly astonishing this was written before the advent of the internet. Theo doesn’t know anything about wrestling. Jackie exercises her right to womanterrupt. Rachel has a slight falling out with Nelly Dean. And unfortunately for Jackie, our pronunciation consultant Joshua strikes again. Topics include: Haley Joel Osment, The Sixth Sense, AI, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Charlie Kauffman, snake huggability, marsh holes, rustic himbos, the ideal FTC audience member, our pronunciation consultant, the afterlife, Anna Karenina, the Great...2021-09-231h 26

Fire the CanonWuthering Heights 2: Minchin’ and Munchin’In this episode, chapters 10 through 24 are no match for the fearless FTC gang, who continue to unravel the gothic, ghostly tale of Cathy and Heathcliff, along with the useless Mr. Lockwood and the shrewd housekeeper Nelly, who everyone agrees is a huge meddler. Is she a hapless rube forced into the middle of the action by those stronger than her, or is she simply a messy bitch who loves drama? Rachel finds a huge bag of donuts. Jackie proves she can continue a joke train forever. Theo cries over spilled milk. Topics include: bad juju, throat punches, the ethical...2021-09-161h 29

Fire the CanonWuthering Heights 1: A Strange Choice of FavouritesIn this episode, Rachel and Jackie revisit a book their teenage selves did not truly appreciate, having at the time no taste for the grotesque and cruel - Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. Now that all that has changed, the gang has no trouble diving into chapters 1 through 9 for your listening pleasure, as well as discussing the brief but brilliant life of its author. Rachel makes a thinly-veiled request for the human centipede jokes to stop. Jackie avers that chests and breasts are somehow two different body parts. Theo hopes against hope for more cat/rabbit confusion. Topics include: Angria a...2021-09-091h 22

Fire the CanonGoodnight Moon: In the French StyleIn this episode, we discuss the children’s bedtime classic Goodnight Moon, and the life of its author, Margaret Wise Brown. Rachel puts her law degree to good use. Theo is the proud owner of a very old 2010 Toyota Corolla. Jackie shares her opinion on Osama bin Laden (negative). Topics include: antique cars, Jackie’s Opa, 9/11, cuneiform, Bartleby-ing, Long Island, beagles vs. other hounds, affluenza, landscape gardeners, child psychology, Pat the Bunny, Samwise Gamgee, erotic poetry, Susan Sarandon, Kendrick Lamar, dinosaur friends, Seinfeld, Human Centipede, Bicentennial Man, Chance the Rapper, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Pusha T, and Lil Nas X. M...2021-08-191h 01

Fire the CanonSir Gawain & the Green Knight Finale: Even When You’re Right, It Seems So, So WrongIn this episode, we cover the final section of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, as translated by Simon Aritage. He’s back! And by “he,” we mean both Sir Gawain and special guest Jacob, from the Underrated/Overhated podcast, so maybe we should have just said “they.” Turns out they’re both from the same neck of the woods. Sir Gawain finally comes face to face with his nemesis once more. Jackie has a “horrible” allergy voice. Rachel is accused of lacking charisma. Theo relates to a character. Topics include: Theo’s English accent, voluminous underwear, canals in Venice and Birmingham, th...2021-08-1251 min

Fire the CanonSir Gawain & the Green Knight Part 2: The Cheeky NumblesWe read Fitt 3 of the classic English poem, Sir Gawain & the Green Knight, as translated by Simon Armitage. Who wrote it? We still don’t know. In this section, Sir Gawain gets involved in a weird bisexual power trip with his mysterious hosts. It’s odd! Jackie gets impossible feedback. Rachel gets vaccinated and reveals a hitherto undiscovered skill! Theo’s just doin’ his thing. Topics include: irresponsible youthful tattoos, LIMERICKPALOOZA, aminals, good host/bad host, Wikipedia holes, da snort vs. da snozzle, Chekhov’s old crone, and commendations to Christ. Content warning: animal death, sex, pornography ★ Support t...2021-08-051h 02

Fire the CanonSir Gawain & the Green Knight Part 1: Spider TownWe read the first half of the epic Arthurian romance, Sir Gawain & the Green Knight, as translated by Simon Armitage. (If you’re here from the movie, welcome!) Sir Gawain plays a “game” where he cuts off a guy’s head, and then that guy gets to cut off his head a year and a day later. Why did he agree to play that game?! Listen to find out. Theo creates a surprising utopia. Jackie can think, she just can’t talk. Rachel dresses appropriately. Topics include: Beowulf, the Trojan War, wisdom teeth removal, messy bitches who love drama, The Wizard of Oz...2021-07-291h 11

Fire the CanonA Confederacy of Dunces Finale: A Live Action Shot-For-Shot Remake of The Prince of EgyptWe read the final three chapters of John Kennedy Toole’s A Confederacy of Dunces! Hijinks ensue. It’s time to learn the fate of Ignatius J. Reilly (and every other named character). Jackie stays out of Nebraska - for free! Rachel puts on her criticism hat, against everyone else’s will. Theo secretly becomes an e-boy! Topics include: middle-aged Amelia Bedelia, explosions, Judy Garland worship, hyena lesbians, mustache, Back to the Future, Reddit bots, the Witch Incident, SpongeBob, War and Peace, the Bible, and ballin’/bawlin’ out. Content warning: homophobia, racism, sexism, pet death, sex, violence 2021-07-1549 min

Fire the CanonA Confederacy of Dunces Part 2: Back to Hell, Ron Weasley! We read chapters 7-11 of A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole. The protagonist, Ignatius J. Reilly, gets a job as a hot dog vendor and continues ruining everyone’s lives. Theo knows all the characters’ names. Rachel revels in her non-consumption of meat. Jackie’s valve acts up. Topics include: hot dogs, dinosaurs, The Hunger Games, bad YA dystopias, Harry Potter, Divergent, three-party systems, The Young Pope, Saint Christopher Cynocephalus, dog boys, and college urban legends. Content warning: racism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, gross food stuff ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2021-07-0852 min

Fire the CanonBONUS: America the Beautiful: July the 4th Be with YouWe’ve got a little treat for you all today: short, sweet, and to the point. The gang discusses the most famous patriotic American song written by a lesbian socialist. Jackie scams Wal-Mart. Theo premieres a new piece of music. Rachel premieres an old nickname. Topics include: Boston marriages, Pike’s Peak, pre-Christmas Scrooge, Ray Charles, Toby Keith, WAP, Coke commercials, Lin Manuel Miranda, Mozart, the SpaghettiOs mascot, and Pearl Harbor. Min Kwon's America the Beautiful Project: https://www.america-beautiful.com/events Theo's Variation: https://open.spotify.com/track/2UEGjs8wSbGYbFdEByJaL3?si=51464a5ab5744880 ★ Support thi...2021-07-0422 min

Fire the CanonA Confederacy of Dunces Part 1: Speaking of ToolsThis week, we break down the first 6 chapters of a cult classic, that great work of New Orleansiana: John Kennedy Toole’s A Confederacy of Dunces. Get ready for some controversy, y’all! Ignatius J. Reilly is perhaps the worst person we’ve ever had as a main character. Theo flexes his degree. Jackie has a hilarious disco night pratfall at a skating rink. Rachel gets unfairly attacked by a lesbian. The gang contemplates adding an animal. Topics include: Thelma & Louise, NOLA, Dr. Nut, Mr. Peanut, Baby Nut, Nut Jr., phonies, resting glare face, and Abracadabra! Content warning: rac...2021-07-011h 14

Fire the CanonBartleby the Scrivener: Love Home Alone 2We read Herman Melville’s bizarre short story Bartleby the Scrivener. Basically, this guy prefers not to do more and more things until he dies. Is it pro-capitalism or anti-capitalism? Is Bartleby a pathetic loser, or is he a hero? Find out what we think! Jackie sings the f***ing hobbits theme. Theo comes up with a nickname for himself. Rachel denies an unnamed company free clout. Topics include: Jerry Seinfeld, work drunk, the Miss Jackson award, the Hulk, Swilly Willy, Bob Cratchit energy, SmoothMyBalls, ear feathers, cat chat, the Wet Boys, turtle adventures, and Roxane Gay. ★ Support this podcas...2021-06-241h 04

Fire the CanonBONUS: This One’s for the Dads: Talkin’ Songs with Big Yellow PraxisFinally, the podcast name gets the appreciation it deserves! We discuss the car games we played with our dads (and one mum). Jackie’s Bob Dylan impression is back, and she gets corrected about LotR. Theo gets a little bit nervous, for good reason. Surprisingly, Jacob makes a dinosaur joke. Rachel dunks on supermen. Topics include: Alice & Sons, Kate Bush, Bible/science class, Tolkien, the Beatles, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, anoraks, trainspotting, alien disco, and Yngwie Malmsteen.Thanks again to our guest, Jacob (@bigyellowpraxis)! White Rabbit - Jefferson AirplaneThe Cask of...2021-06-201h 04

Fire the CanonThe Wonderful Wizards of Pod Finale: Brother Wizard in the SkyWe’ve come to the end of L. Frank Baum’s masterpiece(?), The Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Dorothy & co. finally reach the end of their journey. Will she make it back to Kansas at last? (Yes.) Jackie walks around and looks at stuff. Rachel puts an end to this charade. Theo uses friend power. Topics include: dropping the Baum, Alice in Wonderland, Ellie and Totoshka, Balaam and his donkey, St. Augustine, WWBWitSD?, nerfing, populous metropolises, spider-like creatures, Daredevil, brozards, the chilly downs from Labyrinth, Tim Burton, and Big Bang. Content warning: animal death, death in general, and violence.2021-06-171h 13

Fire the CanonThe Wonderful Wizards of Pod Part 2: Dorothy and the Meat DogWe read chapters 7 through 16 of L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Dorothy and her comrades finally reach the Emerald City, and then things *really* take a turn! Theo gets ready for Halloween. Jackie calls shenanigans immediately. Rachel is just a very bad wizard. Topics include: ragged hay fingers, comradezoning, childhood nightmares, The Lion’s Cookbook, clams casino, septicles and octicles, Wolf Level, an attempted murder of crows, Rankin/Bass’ Frosty the Snowman, and liquid courage. Content Warning: animal violence, violence in general, death, slavery ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2021-06-101h 22

Fire the CanonThe Wonderful Wizards of Pod Part 1: America’s Favorite ColorWe read the first six chapters of L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz! The book is somehow even stranger than the famously strange film. Come along with us and find out how that’s possible. Jackie faces the end of childhood and BSes her way into the right answer. Theo is put on the spot. Rachel gets gently doxxed. Jackie’s dog Grover makes a cameo. Topics include: wizcraft, zards, Pokemon, Sigmund Freud, Tin Cheney and Dick Man, cyclone science, Greg Fishel, the talk, the W.C., the ship of Theseus, a 100% all-beef dog, sociopaths, Job, and a Baum at...2021-06-031h 10

Fire the CanonThe Crucible Finale: Call Me Father, Because I’m DadWow! What an ending. Come on by and listen to us discuss the final act of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. When Act 4 begins, John Proctor finds himself imprisoned in Salem as a witch. Let’s find out what happens to him together. Jackie confesses to an actual crime. Theo is walkin’ here. Rachel finally tells the tale of the time she was accused of witchcraft. Topics include: traffic stories, the devil, The Shining, Bruce Bogtrotter, bad drivers, passionate kisses, Halloween parties, Samhain, Kiki’s Delivery Service, libertarians, Paddington 2, Citizen Kane, and the Tick Whisperer. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon 2021-05-271h 02

Fire the CanonThe Crucible Part 3: The Wurst WitchJust when we thought we were out, they (witches) pull us back in. Time for Act 3 of Arthur Miller’s play The Crucible - the famous courtroom scene. Such drama! Very suspense. Rachel gives off an aura of love. Theo is the self-proclaimed potion master. Jackie knows she’s gettin’ it in somewhere, and is very hard to impress. The gang learns that life’s too short to emphasize weird things. Topics include: bat drool, frog gloop, an impressive prom trick, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, Theo’s catchphrase, the history of “fart,” spirit needles, poppet prodigies, Sir Mix-a-Lot, and ole hickor...2021-05-201h 23

Fire the CanonThe Most Dangerous Game: Death of a Sailsman (with Bekah Best)Our best episode yet, or just our episode with the most Bests? We discuss Richard Connell’s 1924 short story, The Most Dangerous Game. Big game hunter Rainsford falls off a boat in the middle of the night and manages to swim to an island where he meets the mysterious General Zaroff, hunter of the most dangerous game. Jackie unveils her Mickey Mouse impression. Bekah spills all her hottest takes. Theo contemplates learning his lesson. Rachel tells the tale of the boat thief. Topics include: vagina dentata, 20th grade, Edgar Allan Poe, Theooze, the Twilight Zone, the Turtle Club, paraphersailia, Th...2021-05-131h 44

Fire the CanonThe Crucible Part 2: J’accuse!We discuss Act 2 of The Crucible, by Arthur Miller. In both Salem and the pod, wild accusations fly left and right! The Proctors have a tense conversation. A weird poppet becomes significant. Abigail’s accusations start to lead to arrests. Rachel doesn’t give a *$#& and Theo can’t believe it. Jackie experiences a miraculous transformation. Topics include: 99 problems, Korean kiss cams, Chekhov’s whip, Veggie Tales, Theo’s macho past, the Ten Commandments, a witch deer, the secret menu, going hard, Lister’s Marvelous Tonic, Happy Days, Breaking Bad, and The Munsters. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2021-05-061h 12

Fire the CanonThe Crucible Begins: The Sweet, Sweet Siren Call of CommunismWe discuss Act 1 of The Crucible, by Arthur Miller! Abigail Williams, John Proctor, Giles Corey - the gang’s all here for this fictionalized version of the Salem witch trials. Jackie keeps insisting she’s a beautiful genius. Rachel transforms magical girl-style into Marge. Theo doesn’t like the optics on this. Topics include: Chekhov’s trip to Salem, Cueball Chandler, the hero’s journey, eyeballing vs. earholing, pearls before swine, schlubs, Daniel Day-Lewis facts, psychedelic corn smut, frog soup, FTC: Witch Detectives, perfect frog posture, Judge Dredd, Doctor Dreadful, and dinosaur cakes. Content warning: drug use, suicide, a...2021-04-291h 23

Fire the CanonStory of the Stone with Jeannette Ng: Heavenly BureaucracyWe discuss chapters 1, 3, 5, and 16-18 of Story of the Stone (aka Dream of the Red Chamber) by Cao Xueqin, perhaps THE canonical Chinese novel. All sorts of bizarre and amazing things happen! A stone becomes a boy, a flower becomes a girl, and characters we think will be important totally disappear. We have a very special guest with us this week: Jeannette Ng, author of Under the Pendulum Sun, a book Rachel recommends you read. Jackie re-tells a joke! The truth comes to light, in terms of who cares about Rachel’s opinion. Theo makes a few good zingers. To...2021-04-221h 33

Fire the CanonA Puddle-Wonderful Springtime Poetry ExtravaganzaThis week, your hosts read and discuss 6 classic springtime poems! Poems from Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Gerard Manley Hopkins, e e cummings, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and Dickinson, - ever heard of them? Jackie was just born. Theo gets real hung up on mucus. Rachel knows how many legs various insects have. Topics include: puddles of goo, bears, caterpillars, butterflies, bees, rabbits, retractable claws, Benjamin Franklin, springtime goths, the Pokemon theme song, Cheerios, and the Old Ones. Jackie’s poet recommendations: Tracy K Smith, Morgan Parker, and Reginald Dwayne Betts. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2021-04-1556 min

Fire the CanonParable of the Sower Finale: Still Not Pregnant, Lovin’ ItWe finish discussing Parable of the Sower, by Octavia Butler. Spoiler: this half is much more uplifting. Your hosts and producer are trapped in separate, unique dystopias! What an interesting occurrence that you can’t find on just any podcast. Jackie doesn’t jump in. Theo “enjoys” a conversation pit. Rachel gets bothered. Topics include: Bannerless by Carrie Vaughn, Bird Box, Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien, The Guardians of Ga’Hoole, PUBG, Little Papa Christopher, John Lennon’s return. Content warning: human and animal death, violence, cults, sexual abuse, and child abuse. ★ Support this podcast 2021-04-081h 22

Fire the CanonParable of the Sower Part 1: BebopazaballzWe discuss the first half of Parable of the Sower, by Octavia Butler. This week, we’re excited to talk about a topical, timely book, for perhaps the first time! For some reason, people have been very interested in reading a well-written, feminist, post-apocalyptic sci-fi book that takes place in the near future… Rachel shares the Good News. Theo saves himself for Pyro. Jackie finally makes her dad proud. Topics include: the Spoil Zone, the Biblical Bible, our old pal Sextus, youthful plagiarism, Earthseed, Igckens, Ang Lee, Mupp Chat, Titanic, Harry Potter, Waterworld, I Am Legend, Mad Max, and The...2021-04-011h 28

Fire the CanonPride & Prejudice Finale: Bing Bong’s at It AgainWe finish our discussion of Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. Will Elizabeth and Darcy get together? Will Jane and Bingley get together? What’s going on with Lydia? Theo has some opinions! Jackie reveals her ulterior motive. Rachel reveals what a woman wants to hear. The gang suggests some modest improvements. Stephen passes judgment on a character. We regret to inform you of a disturbing academic study. Wow! What a ride, right, everyone? Topics include: duels, Kitty’s universal acclaim, Seth’s dark past, a 28-year-old scoundrel, coins for PeePaw, Jim Henson, healthy couples, more Yu-Gi-Oh, Theo clears...2021-03-111h 18

Fire the CanonPride & Prejudice 4: Sneaky & Silent (& Looming)We discuss chapters 35-46 of Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. Things are heating up for Darcy and Elizabeth! Can these two crazy kids ever make it work? It’s a huge mystery. Theo crosses some people off his list, and experiences a failure of empathy. Nestor the Horse Lord returns. Rachel tells an extremely awkward tale from her past - perhaps she’s the Mr. Darcy of the group after all. Jackie tells an underrated joke. Topics include: the Da Vinci Code, proposing willy-nilly, directions from whence to pop, the modern-day equivalent of a ball, a weird version of TATB...2021-03-0452 min

Fire the CanonPride & Prejudice 3: That’s Podcast Humor, BabyWe discuss chapters 22 through 34 of Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. Rachel makes her first correction ever. Theo finally learns the main character’s name, and immediately decides he dislikes her. Jackie makes everyone happy. The gang has a big disagreement that they need YOU, listener, to solve. The Mysterious Murder of Count Marigold comes to its shocking conclusion! Theo fancasts his own version of Pride & Prejudice. Topics include: John Oliver’s triumphant return, Jar Jar Binks, Billie Eilish, James Bond, unicorn girls, the Bing Boy, the cow train, playing outside, the Fitzwilliam Darcy Memorial Pathway, Beepo’s first appearance, the Lo...2021-02-251h 04

Fire the CanonPride & Prejudice 2: Shrubberies & SnubberiesPride & Prejudice 2: Shrubberies & Snubberies We discuss chapters 9-ish through 21 of Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. Mr. Darcy makes some spicy remarks - we’d love to get him on the pod. A wild proposal appears! For this book, the gang’s opinions are Rachel’s. Fans of Jackie’s British accent(s) will have a great time this episode! Theo makes a fool of himself re: shrubbery. He also compares himself to Mr. Darcy but it’s somehow not a brag. Topics include: liberries, Ol’ One Ball Bingley, ball confusion, Jackie’s first straight ship, Mr. Bingworth & Mr. Wiggly, a prize f...2021-02-1853 min

Fire the CanonPride & Prejudice 1: Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, DarcyWe discuss up to chapter 9-ish of Pride & Prejudice, by Jane Austen. Rachel and Jackie immediately have an argument, into which Theo tentatively dips a toe. One of Theo’s nicknames is revealed! Jackie rejoices in someone’s untimely demise yet again. Jackie and Theo consider Rachel a Babel fish, and Theo seriously disses Lydia Bennet. Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy are also prominently featured. Topics include: John Oliver, the Mario thing, Three Chill Bros, 3-0’s return, a small-town ball livin’ in a lonely ball, foxhound recommendations, Acorna’s Wish, not like other boys, and Stephen’s motivations. ★ Supp...2021-02-1152 min

Fire the CanonCatcher in the Rye Finale: Some Kind of Epiphany, SomehowWe finish discussing The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger. Jackie arrives at the end of her rope, listening-wise. Theo tells everyone how to pull a college entrance scam. Rachel does a reading from the work of an emerging writer. The gang displays their New York City knowledge. Topics include: whistling bores, the Bra Patch, Red Lahbstah, Santadict Clausald, the Young Clarinetists Club, Beta Upsilon Nu Nu, and the solution to everything. Content warning: discussion of bullying, suicide, self-harm, mental illness. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2021-02-0455 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#13 Pendulous: It's Never the Ones You WantJackie and Rachel discuss the intersection of witchcraft, body positivity, and diet cult....oops ... we mean wellness.Show notes:TikTok: Pondpajamas (Alice)Sonya Renee TaylorThe Body is Not An ApologyAubrey Gordon BookLizzo on body positivity"Eat, Prey, Learn Magic: Alex Mar's Spiritual Tourism" by Rhyd Wildermuth"A Tragedy Creates Potential for a National Pagan Discussion on Health"Dowsing for Divinity: In Praise of the BodySilvia Federici Book 2021-02-031h 07

Fire the CanonBeowulf Finale: A Good Guy, a Good KingThis episode covers the rest of J.R.R. Tolkien’s translation of Beowulf. We learn what our good friend has been up to for the past fifty years, and whether one can ever be too old for this shit. Theo tells a great Yu-Gi-Oh! joke, and Jackie reveals one of her deepest fears, then humiliates herself. Rachel reveals what would happen if someone told her she was going to have a fate worse than death. Topics include: Ken Jennings, Big Papa JRRT, Pokémon, the Wulfbeo, a horrifying turducken, tauntauns, and old man transformations. ★ Support this podcast on Pa...2021-01-1431 min

Fire the CanonPodyssey Part 2: Polyphemus and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad DayBooks 5-9 of The Odyssey, as translated by Emily Wilson. Well, well, well. Finally we learn what Telemachus’ deadbeat dad has been up to for the past 20 years! Jackie and Rachel tell tales of their own past on the high seas, and Theo finally becomes interested in the book. Topics include: a terrible seal plan, our best boy Polyphemus, Ancient Greek feminism, Odysseus taking things way too far, and, as always, lots and lots of oil. Content warning: The Odyssey contains discussion of violence, sexual assault, animal sacrifice, and slavery. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2020-12-1247 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#12 Public Eye, Not Third EyeOn this episode Jackie and Rachel discuss the intersection of witchcraft and political activism, intertwining with the women's liberation movement of the 1960's, modern witch response to the alt-right, and what it means to combine social justice and magick. Show Notes:Wicked W.I.T.C.H: The 60s Feminist Protestors Who Hexed PatriarchyBy: Mary McGillWitchcraft becomes a political stance — and a booming business By: Tara Isabella Burton (The Rise of Progressive Occul...2020-12-111h 18

Fire the CanonIntroducing Fire The CanonFire the Canon is a podcast that loves literature, but doesn’t take it too seriously. Jackie, Rachel, and Theo will be joking, paraphrasing, and misinterpreting their way through the Western canon. Come hang out with us every Thursday! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ 2020-12-0908 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#11 Evermind the Rule of Three...ya know...or don't.Three. Count them, three takes. Third time's a charm...and stuff. On this episode, Jackie and Rachel discuss their thoughts on Wicca and author Thorn Mooney's latest YouTube upload, titled "Why I'm Still Wiccan." Find out what these witches think of her reasons.Show Notes:Thorn Mooney Video- Why I'm Still Wiccanhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdLUHtzJ7yIThorn Mooney Websitehttps://thornthewitch.wordpress.com/Thorn Mooney Video- Baby Witcheshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIsSLfNPfd4Traditional Wicca: A Seeker's Guide by Thorn M...2020-11-3035 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#10 My darling girl, when are going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue?In the final episode of the season, Jackie and Rachel discuss what makes their friendship tick and what allows for so much honesty and understanding between them. They review the seven lessons and what makes their friendship so magical. Show notes:We fangirled Dax and Monica of Armchair Expert: https://armchairexpertpod.com/ John Mulaney and Stephen Colbert Explore Each Other's Deepest Anxieties https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGf6CGBbWFUSeven Lessons of the Unbundled Witch: http://www.unbundledirreverence.com/7-lessons 2020-07-051h 19

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#9 This Is That PodcastJackie and Rachel delve into all those times they said "that's another podcast" and revisit their beliefs from episodes 1 and 2. How have they changed. How has doing a podcast affected the way they see their practice? Show notes:Contrapoints:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1afqR5QkDM&t=683sMedium article on Tumblr Witch:https://medium.com/the-establishment/a-brief-history-of-the-tumblr-witch-8f30657849fSephora Magic Kit:https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/31/18042850/sephora-witch-kit-sage-urban-outfitters-magic-tarot 2020-05-2149 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#8 Just Two Normal WitchesOn this episode, Jackie and Rachel discuss what being witches looks like in their daily lives. They take one giant tangent and they psychoanalyze Rachel. You know, like every episode. Show notes:ADHD in Adults:https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-adults/Example of how to be a witch day to day:https://exemplore.com/wicca-witchcraft/50-Ways-To-Be-Witchy-Every-DayInterior Design Psychology:https://freshome.com/inspiration/how-your-interior-design-is-influencing-your-subconscious/ 2020-05-011h 20

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#7 Suspended Disbelief; or I'm kind of okay with just believing the demon-tale.On this special Easter episode, Jackie and Rachel venture down the rabbit hole (sorry) to discover the origin of the holiday's name. Are the bunny and eggs really a pagan symbol appropriated by early Christians?Invented Religions: https://books.google.com/books?id=tCaLNrhkaokC&pg=PA16&lpg=PA16&dq=carole+cusack+invented+religions+archive.org&source=bl&ots=LOu8Fyt6sG&sig=ACfU3U1yr6J76z-5DAr5yXYbiADfv1TUVA&hl=en&ppis=_e&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj-loja-N7oAhUZCM0KHRktCdIQ6AEwAHoECAsQKQ#v=onepage&q=carole%20cusack%20invented%20religions%20archive.org&f=falseEostre: Spring Goddess...2020-04-1358 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#6 I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do , I do, I do!On this episode Jackie and Rachel discuss their definitions of magickal powers, what makes an expert, and what dangers lay in mixing the mundane and the magickal. Do these witches believe in magickal powers? Show notes:Definition of Magick:https://www.learnreligions.com/magic-and-magick-95856Rachel's Definition of a power: a technique cultivated or honed by an individual that helps fulfill their will. Jackie's Definition of an expert: Someone who’s able to process the information that they are taking in both solid facts experiential and psycho-social information and blend the...2020-04-0257 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#5 Winging It: Let's Talk Labels; or Rachel Doesn't Know What's HappeningOn this episode, Jackie convinces Rachel to spontaneously record an episode with no planning what-so-ever. The witches discuss labels, where they might come from, what they mean, and how they play out in their craft. Also, Rachel is very unconformable with the lack of control and planing. WHERE ARE THE BULLET POINTS? But to her surprise, they actually manage to make some points. Which Witch From "The Craft" Are You: https://www.buzzfeed.com/alexalvarez/light-as-a-feather 2020-03-031h 10

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#4 My Bad; or How to Make Rachel UncomfortableOn this episode Rachel tries to find what it means to be a witch in Indiana and Jackie brings reality crashing down on Rachel's need to find meaning and order where there probably isn't any. *Rachel's exasperated sigh*Rachel's research:Tecumseh's brother the Prophet- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TenskwatawaThe Witch of Fort Wayne and The Three Fawns- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13092424-spooky-indiana?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=z861GGvIll&rank=1The Story of Irene Rey- https://blog.history.in.gov/tag/witchcraft/Interview with...2020-02-1158 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#2 We Are The WeirdosIn this episode, Rachel and Jackie discuss the transitions between New Age spirituality, 90's Paganism, and Modern Millennial Witchcraft. Part history lesson, part spilled tea. Show Notes:New York Post: “According to the Pew Research Center, about 1.5 million Americans identify as Wiccan or pagan. A decade ago, that number was closer to 700,000. Presbyterians, by comparison, have about 1.4 million votaries.”https://nypost.com/2018/11/20/witch-population-doubles-as-millennials-cast-off-christianity/Origin of “New Age”https://www.britannica.com/topic/New-Age-movementHow Louise Hay’s Spiritual Pseudoscience Harmed a Generation of Gay Men By DAVID GROFFhttps://slat...2019-12-1046 min

The Unbundled Witch Podcast#1 Witch, Unbundle YourselfIn this episode, Rachel and Jackie dive into what constitutes their individual beliefs, what makes them witches, and why they're irreverent. Joking through their tales of religious transformation and escaping reverent ways, these recovering eclectics share their experience on the path to unbundling.2019-11-271h 12