Shows
The Not Tonight PodcastS3E12: Thank You for 3 Seasons!We wrap up the third season of this podcast with reflections from Rachel and Caitlin, with an emphasis on the immense learnings that have come with creating and sustaining a story-based podcast over the past 15 months.
Caitlin and Rachel also share two primary ways to stay involved with the project while the podcast goes on a hiatus:
(1) Through the online Patreon community, where there are weekly videos and other resources to further your learning.
(2) Through the monthly Women’s Circle meetings, where they gather online to listen and share as women from all wa...2023-11-2828 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E11 | From Critical to Compassionate: RachelThe project’s co-founder Rachel Walker takes her turn to share her tender journey with sexuality, beginning with a childhood shaped by religious values and the extended divorcing of her parents.
As Rachel made sense of the world around her, she put labels and judgements on everything - especially sexuality. This led Rachel to years marked by loneliness, unreturned affections, and a period of silent self-exploration, which she concealed for over a decade.
However, when Rachel met her husband at 18, she experienced a transformative shift. Their relationship not only healed past wounds but also presented ne...2023-11-2156 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E10 | From Harassed to Healing: CaitlinOur very own Caitlin Nochajski shares her full story for the first time on our podcast! She takes us back to her beginnings in an authoritative Catholic family and how being surrounded by seedy, unsafe men deeply impacted her future marriage and views of sex.
Caitlin describes how even though her now-husband was always safe, stable, and respectful, her early observations about men seeped into their dynamic and led to her having a deep distaste for sex.
After a huge blowup where the word “divorce” entered their marriage for the first time, Caitlin set out to f...2023-11-1455 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E9 | From Pure to Perspective: MegIn this engaging episode, we take a delightful journey with the dynamic Meg Rector, a dating and relationship coach for single Christian women in sunny LA.
Meg grew up in a Christian household where discussions about sex were as clinical as a visit to the gynecologist. And once she bought into purity culture hook, line, and sinker, Meg found herself sitting atop a high, white horse waving her v-card as a giant, fluttering flag of superiority.
But all of a sudden, Meg woke up at the age of 25 without even a male friend in sight. S...2023-11-0753 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E8 | From Estranged to Emboldened: LauraFellow podcaster and sex educator Laura Borichevsky boldly shares her journey with us - from limiting religious beginnings to now pursuing a degree in holistic sex education, her path has been a windy one.
While her strict upbringing left her with a sense of estrangement from her body, her autonomy, and from open conversations about sex, her transformation began when she decided to take control of her sexual health at 17. This defining moment ignited her passion for helping others in similar situations.
As Laura found community in a Planned Parenthood club during her college years...2023-10-3156 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E7 | From Shy to Shiny: SumeenaBritish-Asian entrepreneur Sumeena Gupta has dedicated her life to supporting women as they access abundance in every aspect of their lives and now, she opens up about her journey of peeling back the layers to discover her truest sexual self.
Sumeena shares how her upbringing in a conservative immigrant Indian family where discussions about sex were hush-hush shaped her early perceptions of sexuality as a whole and covered her heart in shame.
Upon reaching her 40th birthday, Sumeena’s perspective shifted, and like a butterfly emerging from her cocoon, she shed the beliefs of her pas...2023-10-2456 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E6 | From Judgy to Joyful: CarlieCarlie Palmer-Webb, the hailed “Christian Sex Educator”, gets real with us in this episode about shame, sexual agency, and her own personal journey that led her to the field of sex education.
While Carlie grew up with truly stellar parents, she shares that conversations about sex were noticeably absent. She keenly observed her parents' loving relationship but lacked essential guidance on bodies, consent, and puberty. Despite her curiosity, talking about sex was laden with guilt and judgment due to societal and religious perspectives.
Shame followed Carlie as she stepped into the world of dating, and it wa...2023-10-1755 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E5 | From Romantic to Receiver: DianaWe dive deep into attachment, self-worth, and finding balance in this riveting episode with Diana Eskander, renowned love coach from Canada.
Raised in an Egyptian immigrant family, Diana takes us on a journey through her own personal experiences, reflecting on her early perceptions of love and romance. She shares how she overcame struggles with body image and disordered eating, and how these challenges shaped her relationships and self-worth.
Diana delves into her evolution from chasing romance and being anxiously attached to finding true balance and harmony in her relationships, particularly through embracing the dynamics of m...2023-10-1059 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E4 | From Painful to Passionate: JessIf there were ever a prize given for the worst sex advice ever received, we’re pretty sure Jess would win the gold medal. Now a champion of her own healing, Occupational Therapist and Vaginismus Coach Jess Seitz spent years in the dark, lonely place of sexual pain.
Everywhere she looked for answers or support, Jess only found more and more unhelpful advice - from telling her to drink, to trying to beat a demon out of her, she experienced it all. Finally pulling from her own therapeutic background, she began to make surprising connections that helped me...2023-10-0357 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E3 | From Afraid to Assertive: AbbyDid you know that sharing domestic labor more equally leads to a better sex life? In this episode, we chat with Abby; mother of two and a content creator with a focus on motherhood and equalizing domestic labor.
Abby candidly discusses her journey, from initially accepting imbalanced relational roles to eventually discovering the Fair Play method and redefining how work and family was balanced between her and her husband.
Abby also dives into how doing this work has led to a more fulfilling sex life, emphasizing the importance of open communication and setting expectations.
2023-09-2654 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E2 | From Shrinking to Sensual: MeghanIn this powerful episode, we chat with Meghan Tschanz, a force to be reckoned with—author of "Women Rising”, host of the “Faith and Feminism” podcast and a passionate advocate for dismantling patriarchy within Christianity. Currently residing in Athens, Georgia, Meghan shares her inspiring journey self-discovery, faith, and embracing her sexuality.
Meghan's childhood was a tapestry of contrasting influences, marked by the clash of her parents' beliefs and societal expectations. With incredible resilience, she recounts navigating the stifling norms of her faith community and overcoming a traumatic assault during her formative years. These trials, which initially left her feel...2023-09-1953 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS3:E1 | Welcome to Season 3!We usher in the third season of The Not Tonight Podcast with Caitlin and Rachel, as they share a behind-the-scenes peek of what it looks like to co-create this project together behind the scenes, with all its struggles and joys.
They also share how hard it can be to do the work in your sex life in certain seasons (looking at you, summertime!) and how they and their partners have grown in maturity. They both share what their husbands’ responses have been to less sex in recent months, and how sometimes having less sex ca...2023-09-1928 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E13 | Season 2 ReflectionsCaitlin and Rachel wrap up the second season of the podcast by looking back and reflecting on all the learning. They share some favorite moments from episodes throughout the season, as well as their own personal learning along the way.
Caitlin also takes time to reflect on what she discovered about her own beliefs about marriage, and why she feels so much more connected to her husband now than she did two short months ago.
Finally, Rachel and Caitlin share an exciting new way to connect to the Not...2023-07-0738 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E12 | From Evasive to Educated: Dr. Celeste HolbrookCelebrated sex educator Dr. Celeste Holbrook joins us for a special Guest Expert episode to discuss her personal story of sexual struggle which led her to the field of sex education.
Celeste grew up in rural, conservative Texas where the messages she received from her religious upbringing led her to establish firm boundaries around sexual behavior. Upon having penetrative sex for the first time on her wedding night, she embarked on a long, painful journey of vaginismus.
Now armed with a vast breadth of knowledge about women’s sexuality, Ce...2023-06-2756 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E11 | From Muted to Mighty: Dr. Christy BaumanTherapist, author, teacher and advocate for healthy humans everywhere Dr. Christy Bauman joins us to share her journey, as well as her experience working with women and couples embodying their own stories.
Christy fought tooth and nail for her voice to be heard in a man’s world - she navigated seminary and singleness by shutting down her body’s song and letting her head call the shots. While this may have gotten her through her PhD, it didn’t serve her well when she got married and had to suddenly open up a whole...2023-06-2058 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E10 | From Deferential to Discerning: KateCaitlin’s longtime bestie Kate, a public health PhD student with a focus on gender norms and gender-based violence, shares how her own story led her into this unique field of study.
While her strict Catholic upbringing set the stage, Kate’s religious beliefs about sex were challenged in college, leading her to question societal norms and reevaluate her own perspectives.
After a season of intense exploration, Kate found herself in a coercive, toxic marriage where she lacked bodily autonomy. Now, seven years after her divorce, she’s still workin...2023-06-1355 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E9 | From Treachery to Triumph: HeatherImagine getting a phone call from your best friend’s husband, informing you that his wife is having an affair with your husband.
It was through the devastating aftermath of this discovery that Heather found her true calling as an affair recovery coach. Listen as Heather describes how she turned her trauma into triumph for herself, and now for others.
Heather explores the anatomy of an affair, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and taking responsibility for one's role in the relationship. She also discusses the significance of communication, prioritizing in...2023-06-0653 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E8 | From Limited to Liberated: MichelleProfessional cuddler, surrogate partner therapist and sex geek Michelle shares her wild and wonderful journey of transformation from a traditional-but-broken marriage to becoming a fierce advocate for holistic intimacy.
After 18 years of miserable partnership, Michelle discovered radical teachings on self-pleasure and body exploration, which sparked intense personal growth in tandem with the finalizing of her divorce.
This growth led Michelle to support others in hands-on therapy as they establish boundaries, communicate effectively, and embrace their wants and needs.
Michelle also found herself in the BD...2023-05-3049 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E7 | From Undeserving to Unshakeable: JaimeTherapist-to-be Jaime verbally recounts the long and winding road that led her to a marriage she didn’t believe she deserved, and a sex life wrought with disconnection after the stillbirth of their first child within the first year of their married life together.
After over a decade of going through the motions with her husband, a devastating discovery flipped her world on its head and she saw her life with clarity for the first time.
Jaime’s bold path of self-discovery and dedication to speaking her truth shows us that sometimes, we need to look...2023-05-231h 05The Not Tonight PodcastS2:E6 | From Fawning to Flourishing: BrendaFull of hard-won wisdom, energy healer Brenda opens up about her experiences with people-pleasing, toxic relationships, and domestic abuse, and how she found the strength to break free and rebuild her life.
Brenda was a highly sensitive child who constantly strived to keep others at ease. These people-pleasing and overachieving behaviors led her into a dangerous marriage, which took years for her to see with accuracy.
Eventually, armed with widespread support and her own strong resolve, Brenda took her young daughter’s hand, fled her marriage, and never looked bac...2023-05-1655 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E5 | From Awkward to Authentic: MelyndaParenting coach Melynda shares her story of making sense of the messages about sex she ingested in her young years as well as the process of healing from infidelity in her marriage.
Growing up, Melynda had a natural curiosity about sex, but everywhere she turned for wisdom felt awkward, uncomfortable, or disjointed. When she and her middle school sweetheart married in their early 20s, the toxic messaging they received from their church contributed to a severing in their marriage.
Through deep work together and apart, Melynda and her husband...2023-05-0955 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E4 | From Coerced to Cherished: NatAfter forty years of shutting out her feelings, pleasing everyone but herself and stuffing down her lived experience, Nat asked her husband to stay with his sister for a few days and found herself uploading a vulnerable video to TikTok.
Two weeks later, that video had half a million views. Her accidental stumbling into a social media firestorm led her to uncovering the truth - she had been sexually coerced since day one of her marriage. After admitting to herself that she had married someone she didn't truly love due to influence from toxic...2023-05-0257 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E3 | From Gaslit to Genuine: VeronicaIn this episode, we hear from the incredible Veronica, who highlights the extreme sexual shame, suppression and silence of growing up in a Mexican family in California.
When it came to periods, sexual experiences and relationships, Veronica shares that not only was she on her own, but disbelieved by her own mother. This resulted in deeply harmful experiences, including being assaulted by an adult neighbor when she was still a child.
Left feeling like she couldn't trust herself or her own internal experience, Veronica later found herself in intimate relationships confused by her own sexuality...2023-04-2557 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E2 | From Masking to Maturity: MandaWhat happens when one day, you suddenly find yourself living in your own personal nightmare?
In this powerful interview, writer, podcaster and foster parent Manda Carpenter vulnerably shares about her journey of healing from deep emotional and sexual pain and how the hurt in her childhood later manifested within her marriage.
She shares how she learned early in her life to use her sexual appeal as a tool to get her own emotional needs met - seeking the attention of not only boys, but ultimately her father. This desire for attention led her down a...2023-04-1858 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS2:E1 | Welcome to Season 2!We kick off the second season of The Not Tonight Podcast with Caitlin and Rachel, as they give an overview of the diverse stories ahead. They remind us what this project is all about and why this work is deeply important in the world we live in, focusing on the necessity of truth-telling in our sexual stories.
Additionally, they discuss the framework they have discovered which leads to a holistically lasting and thriving relationship: Context, Curiosity, Compassion, Connection and Commitment. Lastly, Rachel shares a practical step listeners can take to further their growth in these five areas!2023-04-1834 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E14 | Season 1 ReflectionsWrapping up Season One with one final episode, Rachel and Caitlin spend some time reflecting over the last few months, as well as casting vision over what's coming up next for the project. Both hosts sum up their experience with this work so far in three words each, and share some of the challenges and highlights of watching The Not Tonight Project unfold.
They discuss the importance of taking forward progress one step at a time, and how each step forward makes the next one more clear. They also discuss the importance of connection, which has been...2023-01-3127 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E13 | From Frustrated to Feisty: Sheila Wray GregoireAuthor, podcaster and blogger Sheila Wray Gregoire joins us for a special bonus episode of the Not Tonight Podcast! Sheila shares her personal story of growing up with a healthy view of sex until she read a damaging religious marriage book just before getting married, and how that led to a life dedicated to serving women.
She explains her struggles with sexual pain, and untangling conflicting messages as she simultaneously sunk deeper into marriage and worked in the field of Christian marriage support. The more she spoke the words she'd received blindly for so long, the more...2023-01-2449 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E12 | From Anxious to Attuned: JennaWhat could sexuality and breastfeeding possibly have in common? Parenting and lactation coach Jenna shares her tender journey of coming home to herself through navigating the similarities between our sexual journey as women and early parenting.
Growing up in the evangelical church led to a lot of anxiety and hyper-vigilance for Jenna. She held a deep internal struggle of trying to have it all together, and when she married at a young age she felt immense pressure to do everything the right way.
After scouring Christian marriage books and studying psychology, Jenna realized her history...2023-01-1752 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E11 | From Performance to Permission: CaitWife and mother to two young boys, Cait reflects how her youthful curiosity of romance and butterflies affected her perception of sex. Growing up, she spent a lot of time longing for the magical feelings she saw on TV shows and movies, thus influencing her deep desire for a romantic relationship.
As her relationship with her husband grew and changed over time, she watched the butterflies fade and they sunk into the predictable rut of married sex - doing it more out of obligation than from a motivation of desire. She deeply longed to get those feelings...2023-01-1051 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E10 | From Terrified to Trusting: ErickaPurity culture’s damaging messages strike again as Ericka shares about growing up being taught that it was a wife's obligation to provide sex for her husband and that men are always lusting. This left a lasting negative impact on Ericka's view of sex, and led to extreme feelings of fear and anxiety around relationships.
To remedy this “problem”, Ericka turned to alcohol to cope in her relationships and began to attach her self-worth to her attractiveness to others. It wasn't until she gave up drinking and learned a whole new way of looking at sex that she be...2023-01-0348 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E9 | From Abstinent to Awakened: ValiGrowing up in Athens, Greece, with liberal, feminist parents, Vali received dual messages about her sexuality. While she learned that sex was her right to explore and claim for herself, she wasn't taught clearly about what that truly meant.
After decidedly losing her virginity at 14, she found zero enjoyment in the experience and chose to avoid sex for several years. Once with her husband, Vali found herself awakened to her sexuality in a new way. They explored passion together and she discovered what pleasure could look like in the bedroom. However, when children came into the picture...2022-12-2051 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E8 | From Hopeless to Harmonious: ClaireWhat do you get when you combine rigid religious messaging, a mother who viewed sex as a duty, and a slough of medical challenges brought on by intercourse?
This is where Claire found herself only a few weeks into marriage. While her husband remained kind and supportive, Claire struggled through massive feelings of guilt, obligation, and grief as she wanted so badly to enjoy that which she was told so many times was supposed to be "amazing, wonderful, and SO worth waiting for!"
Determined, Claire spent years visiting doctors and experimenting with all sorts of...2022-12-1354 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E7 | From Newbies to Noticers: Rachel + CaitlinIn this special mid-season episode, Rachel and Caitlin share a bit of the behind-the-scenes of the project so far, as well as revisit some concepts that bubbled up from their first episode together.
They further discuss how their different ways of thought have been instrumental in this project, and have helped them grow as hosts and as humans - living in full permission to be their own uniquely authentic selves.
They also revisit the concept of sex as connection, and what that really means, as well as diving deeper into the topic of safety. Caitlin...2022-12-0658 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E6 | From Passive to Pleasurable: LoriWhile Lori hoped sex would be the magical experience she was promised before she was married, she spent ten years in a cycle of disappointment, expectations and dread. Sex was just something on her to-do list, and while her husband desperately wanted her to enjoy the experience too, she couldn't see how things could change.
But then, through the mysterious - and sometimes miraculous - Facebook algorithm, she found an online course created for women just like her and she suddenly discovered that not only was she not alone in her experience, but that there was hope...2022-11-2944 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E5 | From Adversity to Authenticity: RobinWhat happens when doing the work results in the end of a marriage? That's where Robin found herself after years of denying her truest self in her sex life. With twin girls in tow and another baby on the way, Robin walked away from the relationship that she thought was safe and necessary for survival, into a new world where she was able to examine what she really needed to flourish.
Through a journey of spiritual discovery and fierce self-examination, Robin realized the reasons she chose marriage in the first place, and identified what she really wanted...2022-11-2246 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E4 | From Entitlement to Enjoyment: MJLike many others in the late 90s, M.J. grew up deeply entrenched in evangelical teachings of purity culture. While she wanted to follow the rules like a good girl, she couldn’t fight the shameful feelings of curiosity and confusion surrounding the subject.
This led M.J. down a guilt-ridden path of desiring physical exploration before marriage, but feeling like she was dooming her future marriage. When she did get to marriage, she realized it wasn’t her exploration that brought challenges into the bedroom, but something far more complex.
Listen to hear M.J. s...2022-11-1549 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E3 | From Desperation to Discovery: MichelleCertified Mind Rebel Coach Michelle shares with us her journey of discovering her truest self. She recounts several moments in her life where she felt like she ought to express herself a certain way, only to become more and more alienated with her true wants and desires. These millions of little moments cultivated into a marriage where she felt suffocated and terrified, without a way forward.
She found herself drowning in self-doubt, fear, and desperation. As she searched around herself for answers, she only became more confused about what she wanted.
By ending her marriage...2022-11-0851 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E2 | From Isolated to Intimate: YelenaWife, mother and homeschooler Yelena shares her story of growing up with a disembodied, duty-filled view of sex influenced by church culture. She internalized the message that sex was a "necessary evil" - it was for men to enjoy, and for women to provide. She also believed her body was a threat, which further alienated her from herself.
Then, when Yelena found herself experiencing painful sex from the very beginning of her marriage, she was confused. Her husband was safe, patient and nurturing. Why did sex feel so awful?
After scouring religious marriage books for a...2022-10-2837 minThe Not Tonight PodcastS1:E1 | Welcome to The Not Tonight Podcast!We start off Season One with an introduction to the Not Tonight Project. Rachel and Caitlin share how they met, how the project was born, and how their unique friendship led to what feels like "the perfect project partnership"!
They discuss their unique differences as people and how those differences have led to creating a beautiful space where all sorts of women can feel validation, hope and a sense of unity, even in diverse experiences.
They also share the values of the Not Tonight Project, which are:
- Women deserve to feel normal...2022-10-221h 03