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Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 189 Cherry-Picked Manhood: On Warrior Sermons, Selective Literalism, and the Men We’re Actually FormingWhat does it mean to be a man of God and who gets to decide? In this episode, I take a hard look at how churches and Christian influencers are shaping men under the banner of “biblical masculinity.” From warrior sermons to purity culture to performative strength disguised as holiness, we’re naming what’s really going on: cherry-picked verses, selective literalism, and a whole lot of ego. Recorded during Men’s Health Month and following my Father’s Day sermon response, this conversation asks what kind of men we’re actually forming, and whether Jesus would even be welcome in the...2025-06-3020 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 188 This Isn’t the Hill: A straight man’s honest reflection on queerness, faith, and the battles that don’t need to be fought.So… yeah. It’s Pride Month.
And here I am, a straight, white, former church kid debating whether or not to even say anything. Because let’s be honest: the internet doesn’t need another straight guy weighing in on LGBTQ+ stuff like he’s doing anyone a favor. I didn’t want this to be some performative, “Look at me, I’m a good ally” thing. That’s not what I’m after. That’s never been the point of this podcast.
But I also don’t want to stay quiet.
I grew up in a church that h...2025-06-2633 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastRooms We Rented, Stories We Kept: A chapter from This Was Supposed to Be the PlaceWhat happens when your childhood faith is built in hotel ballrooms, conference centers, and synagogues that weren’t actually yours? In this episode, I take you back into the strange, sacred spaces where I grew up trying to worship, belong, and stay out of trouble (usually). From stuffing my pockets with leftover banquet snacks to watching Beavis and Butthead after Wednesday night devos, this is a story about wandering faith, borrowed spaces, and the building we almost bought—but thankfully didn’t. There’s no tidy lesson here. Just memories. A little sugar. And the quiet question that still lingers...2025-06-2328 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 186: The Weight Was Never Yours, A Father’s Day Rebellion Against Performed MasculinityThis episode started with a bench press, outside a church before a father's day service.
Yep. That actually happened. But it’s not just about one pastor or one sermon, it’s about the weight men keep being told to carry. In The Weight Was Never Yours, I respond to a Father’s Day message built on fear, performance, and pressure, and explore how that kind of faith doesn’t free men, it breaks them. This is a call to let go of the false scripts, the macho theater, and the fragile strength dressed up as godliness. If you’ve e...2025-06-2025 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 185: Paying Off the Debt of Idiots? A meditation on manhood, silence, and what it feels like to have emotions in a world built by louder men.What does it mean to be a man in a world built by louder men?
In this episode, I wrestle with the emotional weight so many of us carry: the silence, the shame, the inherited scripts we never asked for. Paying Off the Debt of Idiots? isn’t a lecture on masculinity; it’s a meditation. On what I’ve seen. On what I’ve felt. On what it means to speak honestly in a world that often punishes men for trying. From my years as a teacher to the quiet grief I’ve witnessed in boys and grown men a...2025-06-1825 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 184 I Thought This Was the Thing (It Wasn’t): A love story with teaching—and a slow, messy breakup.When the Thing Isn’t the Thing (But Still Shapes You) is one of the most personal stories I’ve shared on the podcast. It’s about my journey into teaching—a path I thought was my calling, my purpose, my thing. From college classrooms to student teaching to working in actual schools, I kept telling myself I was where I was supposed to be. I had poured years of my life, money, passion, and heart into becoming a teacher. But slowly, and then all at once, I started to realize something didn’t fit.
This episode is about t...2025-06-1630 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 183 Pink, Part Deux: What I’m Still Thinking About After the VansAfter sharing the story about my son’s pink sparkly Vans, I thought I was done talking about it—but turns out, I’m not. In this follow-up, I dive deeper into where all this fear around colors and self-expression really comes from. I talk about protection, insecurity, parenting, and the moments that still mess with me as a dad. And yeah, I bring up those pastors and dude bros who keep pushing the same tired messages. But more than anything, this is about choosing presence over fear, and building kids up from the inside. Especially with Father’s Day arou...2025-06-1215 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 182 You Are Not That Important: A Reflection on Humility, Interdependence, and True SignificanceIn this episode, I’m reflecting on something that’s been stirring in me for a while—the idea that we’re not as important as we think we are. And that’s not a bad thing. I’m talking about the quiet, humbling truth that while we’re not the center of the universe, we’re still part of something much bigger and more beautiful. Drawing from contemplative spirituality, the natural world, and even the teachings of Jesus, I explore how true significance isn’t about standing above everything—it’s about finding our place within it. If you’ve ever felt like...2025-06-1021 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 181 This Was Supposed To be The Place #9 The SwampIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I’m doing something I haven’t done in a while: I’m talking about the good. Specifically, I’m sharing about the camp I grew up going to "The Swamp". This was the one place in my time in the church that truly felt like a safe space. A place where I was seen and heard, where I could be my weird, creative self without fear. This story isn’t just about camp—it’s about the power of being seen, the impact of adults who show up for kids, and the importa...2025-06-0642 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 180: The Pink Sparkly Vans & The Fear We Pass DownThis episode starts with a viral Instagram reel that’s been stuck in my head for days. In it, a pastor watches a video of a mom sharing how her son—just four or five years old—picked out a pink backpack. You hear the dad in the background, upset about it, saying he needs something more “boyish.” The pastor looks at the camera and says, “This is why we need dads.”
But what does that really mean?
Because when I hear that line, I don’t just hear a statement—I hear an old, familiar fear. A fear I’ve felt m...2025-06-0422 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 179: If You’re All About the Destination… Reclaiming Presence in a Religion Obsessed with the EndIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I take a hard look at how fear-based faith and the obsession with the afterlife can steal the present from us—how it turns life into a constant performance instead of a real, lived experience. Using a gut-punch line from Frank Turner—“If you’re all about the destination, then take a fucking flight”—I unpack how Jesus’ own teachings and presence call us back to the moment, to the street, to the beauty of now. This isn’t about throwing away faith—it’s about reclaiming it from the systems that make it all abo...2025-06-0219 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 178: I Inherited a BackpackThis is a symbolic story about the faith I inherited—what it gave me, what it took from me, and the weight it carried. Told through the metaphor of a backpack, it reflects the journey of growing up believing I had everything I needed, only to discover that much of what I was carrying wasn’t mine to begin with.
At first, the backpack made me feel safe. Certain. Part of something bigger. But as I got older, it began to hurt—physically, emotionally, spiritually. The tools stopped working. The answers didn’t fit. And yet, I kept car...2025-05-2120 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 177: We Were In a Cult? Emma's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down with Emma for a powerful conversation in the We Were in a Cult? series. Emma was born into the ICOC—raised as a Kingdom Kid by parents who helped plant churches overseas and in the U.S. For her, the church wasn’t something she joined; it was the world she inherited. We talk about what it means to grow up in a high-control religious environment, how deeply it shapes your sense of identity and worth, and the long, painful process of untangling truth from fear. Emma’s story...2025-05-191h 42Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 176: From Obedience to Ownership. Leaving a Cult and Finding Her Voice — with Ari from The Disallusioned PodcastTrigger Warning: This episode contains discussion of sexual trauma, spiritual manipulation, family dynamics, and feelings of violation. Please listen with care.
In this powerful and honest conversation, I sit down with Ari, host of The Disallusioned Podcast. Ari shares her journey through two different high-control religious environments—growing up in a strict evangelical space and later becoming involved in a cult as an adult. We talk about the lasting impact of spiritual control, what it takes to walk away, and the ongoing work of healing and reclaiming your story. This episode is not easy, but it is re...2025-05-151h 28Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 175 You Don’t Have to Chase It: Why the Kingdom of God Was Never Out ThereThere’s a verse in Luke where Jesus says, “The kingdom of God is within you.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Not because it’s complicated, but because it’s so simple—and somehow, still so hard to believe. This episode is about that struggle. About what it means to stop chasing something you already have. I talk about rest, about the creation story, about what I learned from The BEMA Podcast, and about why so many of us—including me—still feel like we have to prove our worth to God, to others, and to ourselves...2025-05-1421 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 174 This Was Supposed To Be the Place #9 "When the Bible Becomes an Idol"For a long time, I thought the Bible was supposed to fix everything. It was the answer key. The rulebook. The voice of God, clear and final. That’s how it was taught to me in the ICOC—the International Churches of Christ—where the Bible wasn’t just important, it was everything. We studied it, memorized it, submitted to it. It was presented as perfect, literal, inerrant—and if your life didn’t match up with it, you were the problem. But what happens when you start to question the way you've been taught to read it? What happens when...2025-05-1230 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 173: God’s Design? Questioning Roles, Reclaiming Partnership, and Letting Love Be the BlueprintIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I take you inside a sermon that hit me sideways — one of those messages that sounds “biblical” on the surface, but leaves your gut twisted underneath. The pastor said men and women are “equal… but not equivalent,” and that women were designed by God to be helpers while men hold headship. And that’s where everything started to unravel. I share how that message clashed with not only my lived experience — as a former elementary school teacher, a husband, and a dad — but also with the marriage I’m in, the family I’m raising...2025-05-0730 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 172: We Were In a Cult? Eugene's StoryThis episode is another part of the We Were in a Cult? series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I sit down with Eugene, who joined me all the way from Russia to share his story of life inside—and beyond—the International Churches of Christ. In this series, I sit down with former members of the ICOC and ICC to listen to their stories, make sense of what we experienced, and hopefully find some healing along the way. Eugene was a freshman in Saint Petersburg in the early 90s when he first encountered the ICOC. What foll...2025-05-051h 05Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 171 In a Cabin in the Woods: Tending the Fire, Facing the Fear, and Finally Getting QuietLately, I felt this deep pull to get away—not to escape life, but to find something underneath all the noise. So I packed up and took my first solo trip to a cabin that’s been in my wife’s family for generations, tucked right up against a river. No Wi-Fi. No distractions. Just silence, cold water, firewood, and whatever was waiting for me in the quiet. In this episode, I share what it was like to face my nerves, to find stillness in the middle of fear, and to reconnect with something I didn’t know I’d been mis...2025-04-3021 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 170: The Hard Work of Healing: A Deeper Conversation with Alan AllardIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down once again with Alan Allard for a deeper, more honest conversation about the hard work of healing after religious trauma.
If you caught our first conversation (EP 126: A Story of Healing with Alan Allard), you know how much insight Alan brings — and this time, we dive even deeper into what it really takes to rebuild your life, your beliefs, and your sense of self after high-control religion.
We talk about everything from the danger of certainty, to how toxic beliefs can trap us in shame an...2025-04-281h 34Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 169 Backstage Coffee, Punk Rock Kindness, and Letting People Be People: The Quiet GospelWhat happens when the people who preach love don’t live it—and the ones you least expect to show up with kindness, do? In this episode, I tell the story of two backstage coffee gigs—one at a major Christian music festival, the other at the Warped Tour—and the surprising lessons they taught me about generosity, humility, and the quiet kind of gospel that doesn’t need a spotlight. It’s not about bashing anyone. It’s about wrestling with expectations, letting people be human, and learning to find sacred moments in the places we never thought to look.
2025-04-2419 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 168 This Was Supposed to Be the Place #8: The Cross, The Crowd, and the Line We Don't Talk aboutIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I continue my series on idolatry in the church—but this time, I turn the lens toward something that feels almost untouchable: the cross itself. Growing up, the cross was everything—sacred, central, and surrounded by emotion. But lately, I’ve been wrestling with what it’s actually calling us to do. Is it about guilt? Worship? Performance? Or something deeper? From a deeply theatrical Good Friday service to the theology I’ve inherited—and now questioned—I’m unpacking how my view of the cross has changed, and what it might mean to fo...2025-04-2231 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 167 This Was Supposed The Place #7: From Church to Cult of Personality: Pastor Worship and the Idolatry of LeadershipWhat happens when a church stops being about community and starts revolving around one man? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I continue the “This Was Supposed to Be the Place” series by digging into the idolization of pastors—starting with Kip McKean in the ICOC, and then zooming out to the wider church culture where pastor worship, branding, and platform-building have taken center stage. I reflect on my own experiences, both in the church and beyond, and explore what happens when our faith is shaped more by charisma than by Christ. This one’s about power, presence...2025-04-1835 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 166 The Land Of "Should": The Nicely Packaged Pressure That Follows You EverywhereIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dig into the quiet, heavy weight so many of us carry: the pressure to be who we’re supposed to be. From labels like “gifted” to the roles we’re assigned in school, church, and family, I unpack how early expectations can shape our sense of worth—and how hard it is to break free from the “land of should.” I talk about the pressure to lead, to be the strong one, the good one, the faithful one—and what it means to start asking who am I, really? This episode is about...2025-04-1531 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 165 This Was Supposed To Be The Place #6: We Dont Worship Idols, Just Everything About ChurchThis was supposed to be the place.
The place where I’d grow. Where I’d feel safe. Where God would feel close.
But somewhere along the way, the church became something else—something heavier.
In this episode, I reflect on how the desire for connection slowly got replaced by the pressure to conform… and how the church I was born into started to feel less like a community and more like something we worshipped.
Not God—but the church itself.
And the more I’ve looked around, the more I’ve realized: this isn’t just a “...2025-04-1028 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 164: We Were In a Cult? Greg's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I sit down with former member of the ICOC Greg to unpack the winding road that led him from a Catholic upbringing into the heart of the ICOC. Greg’s story is one of spiritual searching, family dynamics, and the slow unraveling of certainty. With honesty and depth, he shares what it felt like to be swept up in a system that promised purpose—but delivered pressure. This conversation is part of our ongoing “We Were In a Cult?” series, and it's another raw, powerful reminder that healing begins with telling the trut...2025-04-081h 37Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 163 This Was Supposed to Be the Place #5: From Shame to Something SacredWhat happens when the place that was supposed to offer belonging, love, and healing becomes the very thing that teaches you to be small? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z", I explore how my time in the ICOC—and the broader evangelical culture I grew up in—shaped the way I saw myself, God, and the meaning of worth. From the story of the Garden to the image of the Cross, I unpack how scripture and church culture taught me that I was broken at my core—and how that belief followed me into every part of my lif...2025-04-0237 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 162 A Tale of 2 Concerts: From the Church Stage to the Sticky Floorn this episode, I share the story of attending two very different concerts in the same week—one a high-energy worship night with Phil Wickham, Kristian Stanfill, and Cody Carnes, the other a gritty, laid-back rock show by Pepper. On the surface, these shows couldn’t have been more different... but as I stood in both spaces, coffee in hand at one and beer in hand at the other, I started noticing some surprising similarities. This episode isn’t about bashing anything—it’s about asking questions, noticing patterns, and exploring where the sacred can actually show up. Because maybe God...2025-03-3124 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 161 The Truth About Control: A journal, a quote, and the quiet cracking underneath it all.In this episode, I hit a wall—and I don’t clean it up. I talk about what it feels like to be doing all the “right” things—therapy, journaling, movement, rest, reflection—and still feel like I’m falling apart. I wrestle with the chaos of life, the illusion of control, and that haunting thought: “Is this how it’s always going to be?” Along the way, I reflect on a line from Living Buddha, Living Christ that shifted something in me: “It’s not a matter of faith. It’s a matter of practice.” This isn’t an episode with answers. It’s...2025-03-2822 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 160 This Was Supposed To Be The Place #4: Faith, Fear, and the God I Was Taught to Obey Unpacking obedience, manipulation, and the slow work of healing.In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I open up about the fear-based faith I was raised in—specifically within the International Churches of Christ (ICOC)—and how it shaped my view of God, love, obedience, and myself. From childhood memories of fearing hell, to moments of spiritual panic, guilt, and manipulation, this episode is a raw unpacking of what happens when fear becomes the foundation of belief.
But this isn’t just about the ICOC. I’m seeing the same fear-based messaging alive and well in churches today—from pulpits to podcasts, just dressed up in nicer l...2025-03-2732 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 159 We Were In a Cult? Sachiko's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I sit down with Sachiko to hear her story of life inside—and eventually, outside—the International Churches of Christ. With honesty, warmth, and depth, Sachiko shares what it was like to grow up in a high-control religious environment, the internal battles she faced, and how she began reclaiming her voice after years of being told who she was supposed to be.
This conversation is part of our “We Were in a Cult” series—an ongoing exploration of faith, fear, healing, and the long, complicated process of finding yourself again. Whe...2025-03-261h 57Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 158: A Skeptic's Heart: Faith, Healing, and the Courage to Keep SearchingWhat happens when everything you once believed starts to fall apart?
In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the difference between cynicism and skepticism—and why one keeps you stuck while the other helps you move forward. I share my personal journey through faith deconstruction, religious trauma, and healing, drawing from Richard Rohr’s Wisdom Pattern (Order → Disorder → Reorder) to explore how faith and life aren’t meant to be static. Along the way, I reflect on how my lifelong struggle with ear infections and surgeries became a metaphor for my evolving faith, the risks...2025-03-1833 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 157 Why Empathy, and Why compassion? Is Empathy Really Toxic Or Do you Just need an Excuse to Be a Jerk?Empathy and compassion should be the foundation of faith, right? So why are they suddenly treated like liabilities? In this episode, I break down the growing fear around "toxic empathy" and ask the bigger questions: Why are so many people—especially in religious spaces—acting like caring too much is dangerous? Why does faith seem to be turning into a fortress instead of a bridge? And if following Jesus is supposed to make us more compassionate, more willing to see the humanity in others, why is so much of modern faith rooted in fear and control instead?
We’l...2025-03-1342 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 156 This Was Supposed To Be The Place #3: The Devil’s Doorstep, How Purity Culture Controlled Our Thoughts, Bodies, and RelationshipsPurity culture wasn’t just a set of rules—it was a full-blown system of fear, shame, and control that dictated everything from dating to what we wore to whether or not we could even think about smashing without disappointing God. In this episode, I take a deep dive into how purity culture shaped my childhood, warped my understanding of relationships, and made me legitimately believe I was going to hell for shucking the corn at 13. From forced confession sessions to the bizarre ways we were taught to see each other as “brothers and sisters in Christ,” this episode unpacks...2025-03-1253 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 155 Everyone Wants the Lollipop: Faith, Certainty, and the Sweet, Sweet Taste of Belonging"Everyone Wants the Lollipop" isn’t just about church—it’s about the deep human need for certainty, belonging, and reward. We all want to believe we’re on the right path. We want to feel like we’re doing life the right way. And when faith gives us a system, a structure, and a sweet little reward at the end? It’s hard to walk away. In this episode, I dive into the church boom, the business of belief, and why we keep showing up—even when things don’t feel quite right. So, does anyone even care? Or are we all ju...2025-03-0534 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 154 We Were In a Cult? Ruthanna and Davis' StoryFor the first time in the We Were In a Cult? series, I’m sitting down with a married couple who both experienced the pressures of purity culture, mission work, and the relentless push toward marriage inside the International Churches of Christ. In this episode, they share how dating was never about personal connection—it was about proving your spirituality and being deemed "worthy" to move forward. We dive into the concept of "weasel dates," the expectation to fast-track relationships toward marriage, and the exhaustion that came with constantly trying to meet the church’s demands. From mission team burnou...2025-03-032h 49Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 153 Love Ain’t Gonna Say Itself: The Power of Words in Parenting and Why It’s Worth ItFor generations, fathers were expected to provide, protect, and keep their emotions in check. Love was often shown, but rarely spoken. But does it have to be that way? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we dive into the generational expectations of fatherhood, the unspoken rules around masculinity, and why words—especially words like "I love you"—carry more weight than we realize.
I share personal stories, explore the impact of silence, and unpack how simple words can change everything. We’ll talk about why dads often find it easier to express love to their daught...2025-02-2744 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 152 THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE PLACE EP: 2 “THIRD TIMES THE CHARM: Finding Myself After Leaving (Again... and Again)”Leaving isn’t always a clean break—sometimes, it takes a few tries. In this deeply personal episode of Clemenz With a Z, I share my journey of walking away from the ICOC... three times. From the pressure-packed Bible studies to the weight of guilt, shame, and trying to fit into a mold that never felt like me, this is the story of what it took to finally say enough. I talk about the fear of leaving, the hope that maybe things would change, and how stepping away felt like wandering into the wilderness—terrifying, but ultimately freeing. Whether you’ve...2025-02-2559 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 151 Praise, Profit, and Pyrotechnics: The Manufactured Sound of Modern WorshipWhen did worship music start to feel more like a concert than a connection? In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I dig into the weird, wild world of modern worship and Christian music—where flashing lights, fog machines, and booming bass lines often take center stage. I’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong—I don’t have the answers. I just know something about it makes me uncomfortable, and I wanted to talk about it. From childhood memories of reverent hymns led by my dad to walking into churches that look more like conce...2025-02-1946 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 150 This Was Supposed To Be The Place #1: I was In a CultAfter everything I have heard, after recounting my own life and the lives of others, I can finally say it—yes, this was and is a cult. It’s hard to say, and for some, it’s hard to hear. But naming it gives me power over it. It makes healing possible. This is just the beginning. In Clemenz With a Z, I will continue unpacking my experiences in the ICOC through a new series of episodes titled This Was Supposed to Be the Place. In these, I’ll dive deep into purity culture, fear-based control, and the lasting impact o...2025-02-1831 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 149 I asked my wife: "I was in a cult?"Was I in a cult? That’s the question I’m exploring in this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', but this time, I’m not answering it alone.
For this conversation, I’m sitting down with someone who has had a front-row seat to my entire journey—my wife, Carly. Unlike me, Carly didn’t grow up in a high-control religious group. She never had to question whether leaving a church meant leaving God. But she did witness me navigate that journey. In this episode, we talk about those first couple of years in our relationship—when I was fre...2025-02-171h 35Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 148 Suppress, Explode, Repeat: How I Learned to Stop Fighting Anger and Start Listening to ItFor most of my life, I believed I was a calm person—until a therapist told me otherwise. This episode is about my journey with anger: from growing up in an environment where anger was seen as a sin, to suppressing it until it exploded, to finally learning how to sit with it, listen to it, and find healthier outlets. I talk about childhood, therapy, teaching boys about emotional space, and the things that help me process anger today—whether it’s working out, cold plunges, or mosh pits. If you’ve ever struggled with anger or felt like you were...2025-02-1230 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 147 Juggling Glass Balls: What Are Your Priorities as a Parent?In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the powerful metaphor of glass and rubber balls to explore how we prioritize what matters most in life. I share personal reflections on how my passion for teaching, rigid routines, and inability to say “NO” left my family as the forgotten rubber balls—when they should have been my top priorities.
Through hard conversations, emotional wake-up calls, and the painful realization that I was spreading myself too thin, I learned that intentionality and honest reflection are key to protecting the fragile, irreplaceable parts of life. Join me as...2025-02-0727 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 146 Hold My Apple, I’m Finding GratitudeGratitude isn’t always easy, and it’s definitely not always obvious. Life moves fast, responsibilities pile up, and before we know it, we forget the small miracles holding us up every day. In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I reflect on a poem by James A. Pearson (The Wilderness That Bears Your Name) that reminded me to pause and see what’s been there all along: the rising sun, the steady ground beneath my feet, and the strength we gain when we let ourselves be held by life’s quiet gifts. Join me as I explore what it...2025-02-0611 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 145 Black Coffee, Camo Bibles, and Sissy Sticks: Faith, Fragile Manhood, and the Things That Shouldn’t MatterIn this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z": "Black Coffee, Camo Bibles, and Sissy Sticks: Faith, Fragile Manhood, and the Things That Shouldn’t Matter", I dive into the unspoken (and often ridiculous) rules about masculinity that churches and culture push on men. From black coffee and camo Bibles to the fear of looking "soft," I explore how these narrow definitions shape our identities and why they fall apart under real scrutiny. Through personal stories, faith, and a search for a fuller, healthier masculinity, this episode challenges what it really means to be a man—and asks: what if we...2025-01-3039 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 144 We Were In a Cult? Ann's StoryIn this latest episode of Clemenz With a "Z", part of our ongoing We Were In a Cult? series, we sit down with Ann to explore her remarkable story. Born in Northern China and later moving to Singapore, Ann’s path eventually led her to the ICOC, a church she believed would offer community and purpose but instead brought manipulation and control. Through courage and vulnerability, Ann shares the emotional and spiritual journey of her life within the ICOC and the pivotal moments that helped her break free. This conversation is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the hu...2025-01-272h 21Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 143 The Price Of WorshipIn this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I dive into a subject that sparks heated discussions and deep reflections: the relationship between churches and money. From the high production value of Sunday services to the tax-exempt status that many churches enjoy, this episode peels back the layers to examine how finances influence the modern church experience. Drawing from my personal visits to various churches over the past year, I share insights and ask tough questions about how money shapes the way faith is practiced and presented. Tune in as we explore whether these financial practices uplift communities—or cr...2025-01-2438 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 142 We Were In a Cult? Liz's StoryIn the latest episode of Clemenz With a Z, we continue our series, We Were in a Cult?, with a deeply personal and eye-opening conversation featuring Liz, a former member of the International Church of Christ (ICOC).
Liz shares her journey of being drawn into the church as a college student and the lasting impact it had on her life. This episode delves into the ICOC’s influence on marriage dynamics, including rigid roles and expectations that shaped her relationships and personal growth. With honesty and resilience, Liz reflects on her path to healing and self-discovery after le...2025-01-211h 40Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 141 Baptism or Branding? Reflecting on Sacred Acts in Modern ChurchesIn this latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I dive deep into the evolving practice of baptism in modern churches and ask some hard questions: Has something sacred turned into a spectacle? Drawing from my own baptism experience, which was meant to be transformative but left me feeling exposed and disconnected, I explore how baptisms are often presented as high-production events with promotional t-shirts, branded backdrops, and curated social media moments. Together, we’ll reflect on how these trends may overshadow the intimate, spiritual essence of baptism and discuss ways to bring back the focus on personal faith an...2025-01-1522 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 140 We Were In a Cult? Diana's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we continue our powerful series, We Were In a Cult?, with a compelling conversation featuring Diana. Diana shares her story of being introduced to the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) during her college years in Boston. What began as a chance encounter at a grocery store turned into years of involvement in a high-control religious group. Diana reflects on how her initial search for connection and faith led her to the ICOC, the subtle pressures that kept her engaged, and the journey of self-discovery and healing that followed. Her insights shed...2025-01-131h 20Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 139 We Were In a Cult? Nat's StoryIn the latest episode of the We Were In a Cult? series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast, I was able to speak with former member of the International Church of Christ, or ICOC, Nat to explore her journey of self-discovery and healing after leaving the high-demand religious group. Together, we unpack the emotional toll of manipulation, the challenges of reclaiming personal identity, and the transformative power of reflection and resilience. This thought-provoking conversation sheds light on the subtle ways control can masquerade as faith and offers hope to those navigating their own paths to freedom and h...2025-01-071h 54Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 138 Follow Up With KeshaIn this special episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', we welcome back Keisha, the very first guest of our "We Were In a Cult?" series. Keisha's initial interview sparked a movement, inspiring 50 episodes that have reached listeners across six countries. In this follow-up conversation, we reflect on the impact of her story, the growth of the series, and the healing journey we've embarked on together. Join us as we dive deeper into the question that started it all: Were we in a cult? This is a must-listen for anyone exploring life after high-control environments and seeking hope and understanding.2024-12-231h 13Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 137 We Were In a Cult? Max's StoryIn the latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', we bring you a powerful conversation from our series We Were In a Cult?. This week, Max shares his unique perspective as someone who grew up within the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) and remains a member today. Despite his deep ties to the church, Max opens up about the challenges of recognizing the trauma and manipulation many have experienced in this environment. His story sheds light on the complexities of maintaining faith while approaching difficult truths with an open heart and mind. Join us as we explore Max's journey...2024-12-221h 56Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 136 We Were In a Cult? Chris' StoryIn this segment of the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast, we’re joined by former member of the ICOC Chris, who shares his deeply personal journey through and beyond the International Churches of Christ. In this conversation, Chris opens up about the psychological remnants of his time in the ICOC, from internalized guilt to the challenges of embracing his own story.
We’ll explore the concept of "little t" traumas—those subtle yet profound experiences that leave lasting marks—and discuss how the church's teachings, like the idea of "deny...2024-11-251h 57Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 135 I Am One Of The Free (for my ancestors)In this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I reflect on the power of poetry to connect us to our roots, our struggles, and our freedoms. I'll be reading a poem that speaks to me deeply—a piece that reminds us of the generations who came before, those who endured unimaginable challenges to carve a path to the lives we live today. As I read, I think about the choices they made, the sacrifices, and the strength that flows through the family tree, down to us.
This episode invites you to pause and consider the freedom we ha...2024-11-2106 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 134 We Were In a Cult? Emma's StoryIn this emotional and powerful installment of We Were In a Cult?, Emma Fellows shares her deeply personal journey of healing after her time in the International Churches of Christ. Emma opens up about the challenges she faced, including navigating trauma related to her gender identity, mental health struggles, and the pain of being invalidated by those who caused harm. Trigger Warning: This episode discusses sensitive topics, including self-harm, suicide, and trauma related to gender identity. We encourage readers and listeners to take care of themselves and seek support if needed. Emma’s story is a testament to the po...2024-11-182h 06Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 133 Savor This World, Savor This LifeAs we approach Thanksgiving, I’m continuing my project of sharing poetry with a focus on gratitude. In this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', we explore Steve Taylor’s Savor This World, Savor This Life, a poem that reminds us to slow down and appreciate each moment as a gift. Taylor’s words resonate in those hectic times when life feels overwhelming, inviting us to see our brief presence as a rare privilege and to live with wonder and gratitude. Join me as we pause, reflect, and savor this life together.
If you would like to purcha...2024-11-1406 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 132 We Were In a Cult? Lian's StoryIn this episode of We Were In a Cult?, I’m joined by Lian, who shares her story of growing up within the ICOC after being adopted into a family devoted to the church. Raised with the ICOC’s strict beliefs and expectations, Leanne opens up about her journey from childhood innocence to an intense struggle with guilt and self-worth under the church's pressures. From confronting the demands of ‘sin studies’ to redefining her faith, she reveals the courage it took to walk away from the only life she knew. This is a powerful conversation about resilience, identity, and the free...2024-11-111h 42Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 131 Consuming Church CultureIn this latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I take listeners along on my journey through the contemporary evangelical church landscape. Having grown up in both the ICOC and traditional Church of Christ, I’ve seen church as a place of deep engagement, community, and connection. But now, after visiting multiple churches over the past few months, I’m questioning if modern church culture has shifted from a space of spiritual participation to a consumer-driven experience. With concert-like worship, brand-heavy atmospheres, and meticulously orchestrated services, are churches today more about what we consume than how we connect? Join me a...2024-11-0841 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 130 "The Mask""In this latest episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into a powerful piece by Stephen Taylor called The Mask. This poem, which explores the protective façades we wear, is part of an ongoing segment where I share poetry that has helped shape my journey. Inspired by Robert Frost’s words, 'Poetry is when emotion has found its thought and the thought has found the words,' this reading invites us to reflect on the masks we carry and the freedom that can come from setting them aside. Join me as I explore the deeper connections that are...2024-11-0609 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 129 We Were In a Cult? Dwan's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I sit down with Dwan, a former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). As part of our series, ‘We Were in a Cult?’. Dwan shares how a chance reconnection with a high school friend led her to join the ICOC, at a time when she was searching for a sense of belonging and connection. As she opens up about the subtle ways people are drawn into the church, we explore the emotional impact of this journey, the moments of self-reflection, and the motivations that pulled her in as well as the...2024-11-041h 58Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 128 A Word On HealingIn this episode of Clemenz With a Z, we’re unpacking one of the most challenging and transformative journeys many of us face: healing. Inspired by our recent conversation with former ICOC member Alan Allard, who shared his path from spiritual trauma to self-recovery, this episode delves into what it truly means to heal. Healing isn't a straightforward process, and there's no universal approach or quick fix. Here, I share personal reflections, experiences from others, and practical insights on navigating the messy, often non-linear road to recovery. Whether you’re grappling with the weight of past beliefs, personal losses, or j...2024-10-3126 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 127 "The Pressure to Do"In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive into the concept of “The Pressure to Do,” exploring how relentless demands impact our well-being. Drawing from Steve Taylor's poignant poem in The Calm Center, I reflect on how this pressure to always be "doing" invades our quiet moments and fuels a cycle of perpetual activity. This isn’t just about productivity; it's about questioning the need to fill every moment and redefining what “enough” truly means. Join me as we uncover the grace of simply being and the strength in letting go.
If you would like to purchas...2024-10-3007 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 126 A Story of Healing with Alan Allard"Welcome to Clemenz with a Z, where we explore the powerful stories of those who’ve broken free from high-control religious groups. This latest episode is a kind of We Were in a Cult? segment as well as talk on healing from spiritual trauma. I was able to speak with Alan Allard, a former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Alan shares how his experiences within the ICOC shaped his journey of spiritual abuse recovery and inspired him to become a coach dedicated to helping others heal. Through his story, Alan offers insight into the resilience needed to...2024-10-281h 52Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 125 The Laughing HeartWelcome back to Clemenz With a Z! In today’s episode, we dive into a special poem that found me when I needed it most—The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski. This piece has been a constant source of light for me, especially during darker times. As we continue our exploration of poetry, I want to take a moment to reflect on its power to help us slow down, connect, and find meaning in life’s toughest moments. Whether you're new to Bukowski or familiar with his wild life and words, this poem speaks to something universal: the quiet resili...2024-10-2308 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 124 We Were In a Cult? Nicole's StoryIn this episode of the Clemenz with a Z podcast, we continue our series "We Were in a Cult?" with a powerful and raw conversation with Nicole, who grew up as a ‘Kingdom Kid’ in the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Raised within a high-control religious group, Nicole shares her journey from a childhood immersed in faith to a deep questioning of everything she once believed. Her path led her not only to leave the church but to ultimately identify as an atheist. Nicole’s story is one of courage, self-discovery, and the struggle to break free from the pressu...2024-10-211h 59Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 123 "Is church just an accepted cult?" Why can't we listen to Landslide?"Hey everyone, it’s Roy, and welcome back to Clemenz With a Z! Today’s episode kicks off a new series I’ve been working on, asking a big question—Are churches cults? In this exploration, I’ll be diving into the similarities between churches like Hillsong and Mars Hill and the ICOC, which has often been labeled a cult. This week, I’m sharing my experience at a local church, where the preacher’s sermon took an unexpected turn. He warned the congregation against listening to the song Landslide by Stevie Nicks, framing it as spiritually dangerous. The way he used th...2024-10-1621 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 122: "Trees" and "It's Time To Stop Striving"In the latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I’m excited to embark on a new journey into the world of poetry. This episode is the first in a series where I’ll be sharing poems that have deeply resonated with me, starting with Joyce Kilmer’s Trees and a powerful piece from Steve Taylor’s The Calm Center. Poetry has a unique ability to connect us, helping us pause, reflect, and find meaning in everyday life. Whether you're a longtime poetry enthusiast or just curious, I invite you to listen as we explore the insights these poems offer. J...2024-10-1513 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 121 We Were In a Cult? AnneMarie's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz With a 'Z', I sit down with AnneMarie, a former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). As part of our series, ‘We Were in a Cult?’, AnneMarie shares her personal journey from being drawn into the ICOC to the life-changing decision to leave. Through her candid reflections, we explore the emotional, spiritual, and psychological effects of being part of a high-control group. Tune in for an eye-opening conversation about faith, identity, and personal transformation.
If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the...2024-10-1452 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 120 A Bit of a ReintroductionWelcome back to Clemenz With a 'Z'! In today’s episode, we’re doing things a bit differently with a reintroduction—both to myself and this podcast. Over the past five years, this platform has evolved in ways I never anticipated, especially with the incredible response to the "We Were in a Cult?" series. From its beginnings as the Balanced Male Podcast, this show has grown into a space where we explore deep and meaningful stories, offering healing and understanding for people from all walks of life. Today, I’ll reflect on the podcast’s journey, my motivations, and where we’r...2024-10-1015 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 119 We Were In a Cult? Asha's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz with a Z, we continue the series “We Were in a Cult?” We continue our discussion with a conversation featuring Asha. Asha shares their incredible journey of being drawn into the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) back in 1993, all the way from Kerala, India. We discuss the emotional complexities of life within the ICOC, the controlling tactics used by the organization, and how Asha eventually found the strength to break free. Tune in for an insightful, raw, and ultimately inspiring story of resilience and self-discovery.
If you are a member, were a member...2024-10-071h 36Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 118 We Were In a Cult? Jakob's StoryIn this episode of Clemenz with a Z, we continue the series “We Were in a Cult?” with a compelling conversation featuring Jakob. First introduced to the International Church of Christ (ICOC) in Russia and the Ukraine, Jakob later relocated to the Middle East, where his journey with the organization continued. He and his wife have spent years unraveling the complexities of their time in the ICOC, and in this episode, Jacob opens up about the challenges of leaving, the process of healing, and the impact the group had on his life. Tune in as we explore his personal stor...2024-09-302h 03Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 117 We Were In a Cult? Jennifer's StoryIn this latest episode of Clemenz With a 'Z' Podcast, we continue our series “We Were in a Cult?” with a conversation featuring Jennifer, a former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Jen shares her early memories of growing up in the church, attending services in unique locations, and the lasting impact of that experience. From humorous anecdotes about “lipstick-shaped” hotels to deeper reflections on community and faith, Jen’s story is both engaging and thought-provoking.
Tune in to hear how these experiences have shaped her outlook on life beyond the ICOC. Don’t miss this insight...2024-09-231h 49Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 116 We Were In a Cult? Joselyn's StoryHey everyone! I got another episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. Today, we again dive deep into a compelling and often heartbreaking topic with our segment titled "We Were In a Cult?"
In this eye-opening episode of Clemenz with a Z, I sit down with former member Joselyn to discuss her experience with the International Churches of Christ (ICOC), a church that we all know has sparked both devotion and controversy. Jocelyn shares how she was first invited into the church, the sense of community t...2024-09-171h 49Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 115 We Were In a Cult? Shari's StoryHey everyone! I got another episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. Today, we again dive deep into a compelling and often heartbreaking topic with our segment titled "We Were In a Cult?"
In this episode. I sit down with writer and former actor Shari Simpson, who shares her story of being drawn into the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Shari recounts how a chance encounter on the streets of Manhattan led her into the church, and how her time there shaped her life in unexpected w...2024-09-091h 42Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 114 Talking About Anxiety With MilesIn this episode, we dive deep into the often-overlooked topic of anxiety among men. Joined by former guest here on the podcast Miles, we candidly explore how anxiety has affected our lives, from childhood experiences to the ongoing challenges we face as adults. We discuss the stigma surrounding mental health, particularly in men, and how breaking the silence can lead to healing. Whether it’s managing daily stress or dealing with panic attacks, we share personal stories, coping strategies, and the importance of finding support. This conversation is a reminder that while anxiety may be common, talking about it sh...2024-08-281h 16Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 113 Grief Talk With LizIn this episode of *Clemenz With a 'Z'*, we dive deep into the profound and often challenging journey of grief with our special guest, Liz. Together, we explore the emotional landscape that accompanies loss, the process of healing, and the ways in which grief reshapes our lives and perspectives. Liz opens up about her personal experiences, offering insights into the different stages of grief, the importance of support systems, and how to find meaning and resilience amidst the pain. Whether you've experienced loss yourself or are supporting someone who has, this conversation is a poignant reminder of the strength...2024-08-231h 19Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 112 We Were In a Cult? Drew #2's StoryHey everyone! I got another episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. Today, we again dive deep into a compelling and often heartbreaking topic with our segment titled "We Were In a Cult?"
In this episode I was joined by former member Drew, who shares his powerful story of leaving the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) and the emotional turmoil that came with it. We’ll discuss the painful realization that the church’s promise that 'anyone could lead' was a lie—a promise reserved only for tho...2024-08-212h 01Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 111 We Were In a Cult? Kathi's StoryHey everyone! I got another episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. Today, we dive deep into a compelling and often heartbreaking topic with our episode titled "We Were In a Cult?"
In this episode, we explore a story that spans five decades with our guest, Kathi, who began her journey in the 14th Street Church—later known as the Crossroads Church of Christ, the genesis of the ICOC.
Kathi was baptized at an early age, but as she got older, she felt the pre...2024-08-141h 46Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 110 Answering Your Questions With NadineWhat is up everyone? I have got a new episode here for you all. In this episode, we're joined once again by Nadine, who previously shared her experiences both in and out of the ICOC. After our last conversation, Nadine received an overwhelming number of questions from listeners eager to learn more about her journey. Today, she’s back to answer those questions and to provide deeper insight into a significant part of her story.
Also, Nadine was named in the infamous Henry Kriete letter, a document that shook the ICOC community to its core. She'll be shar...2024-08-081h 44Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 109 We Were In a Cult? Joabis' StoryHey everyone! I got another episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. Today, we dive deep into a compelling and often heartbreaking topic with our episode titled "We Were In a Cult?"
Our guest today is Joabis, who stands out as the first member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) to join us while still being an active member of the church. Joabis's journey is truly international—born in Africa, he moved to India where he was introduced to the ICOC and quickly ascended into lea...2024-08-051h 19Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 108 We Were In a Cult? Rachel's StoryHey everyone! I got another episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. Today, we dive deep into a compelling and often heartbreaking topic with our episode titled "We Were In a Cult?" Our guest this week is a brave former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) Rachel who also grew up in the church.
Rachel opens up about her life both inside and outside the church, shedding light on the struggles she faced, including the 'toxic diet culture' that was prevalent in the ICOC. W...2024-07-312h 13Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 107 We Were In a Cult? Justine's StoryTrigger Warning: This episode discusses body shaming, anorexia, and mentions sexual abuse allegations.
Hey everyone! I got another episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. Today, we dive deep into a compelling and often heartbreaking topic with our episode titled "We Were In a Cult?" Our guest this week is a brave former member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) Justine who grew up under our church's stringent control.
In this episode, we explore the profound impact of living in an environment where c...2024-07-182h 02Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 106 We Were In a Cult? Anabel's StoryWhat is up everyone?! I got a new episode here in the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I was able to speak to former member of the ICOC Anabel about her life in the church and out of the church. Anabel was a "kingdom kid" who grew up in the church. We discussed what it was like growing up in the church and how it influenced her view of god and knowing from a very young age that she had a debt that needed to be paid back. Some of the...2024-07-071h 45Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 105 We Were In a Cult? Nadine's StoryWhat is up everyone?! I got a new episode here in the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I was able to speak to former member of the ICOC Nadine about her life in the church and out of the church. Nadine's story spans nearly 40 years and multiple countries and continents and she has only been out of the church for about 6 months.
Nadine was met in London and after joined the church quickly became a leader. She and her husband led churches in India, London, and became the geogr...2024-06-241h 30Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 104 We Were In a Cult? Marissa's StoryWhat is up everyone?! I got a new episode here in the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I was able to speak with former member and kingdom kid Marissa to discuss her life growing up in the church, all the good bad and ugly as well as what led her to needing to exit the church in college. I do need to give a trigger warning for this episode as she discuss instances of self harm.
We talked about growing up in this system, the pressure put on peop...2024-06-191h 44Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 103 We Were In a Cult? Alex's StoryWhat is up everyone! Got a new episode here in the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I was able to sit with former guest on the show Alex who was also a member of the ICOC. Our conversation centered mostly on what it was like as a "kingdom kid" in the church and how much our view of reality and life was through the lens of the church and it's teaching. Some of the big topics were the feeling of guilt after baptism and continually trying to earn it, and how...2024-06-101h 47Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP 102 We Were In a Cult? Amy's StoryWhat is up everyone! I got a new episode for the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. I was able to chat with former member of the ICOC Amy about what got her in the church, her life in the church, and the how's and why's of why she left. We touched on many topics in this 2 and 1/2 hour conversation. We talked about her family life, the love for a god that she had and why she felt the need to join not just the ICOC but a church in general. She d...2024-06-062h 37Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 101 DADTALK with ToddWhat is up everyone! Got a new DADTALK episode here for all of you. I had the pleasure of speaking with an old friend Todd about all things fatherhood. Todd is a rad dad of a little boy and what was especially great about this conversation for me is that Todd is a stay at home dad and I have been a stay at home dad for almost a year now. It was great to hear about how it is for him and for us to share all we go through in this space.
If you are a dad...2024-06-031h 19Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 100 Grief and HarambeWhat is up everyone! Episode 100 here! Can you believe it? In this episode I talk about how I always seem to forget the day my dad died and its due to the fact that the gorilla Harambe died that day as well. Yes, you read that right.
This has shown me though something important about how we process grief and has helped me move on and live my life a little bit lighter.
As always, thank you for your continued support and thank you for 100 episodes! I could not do it without all of you. If you li...2024-05-2920 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 99 Interview with Jennifer Green of Seven Cities MidwiferyWhat is up everyone! In this episode of the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast I was able to interview Jennifer Green. Jennifer Green is a licensed certified professional midwife and owner of Seven Cities Midwifery Care here in Virginia Beach. Jennifer is passionate about informed consent, medical freedom, and supporting mothers and families with their birth choices. On a personal note, she was one of the midwives there at my son's home birth.
We had a wonderful discussion on home births, medical freedom, the power of having agency in births and the history of midwifery care. I was able...2024-05-231h 40Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 98 Tania's Story Part 2What is up everyone! Got a part 2 to Tania's story of her life in the church. I asked her back to discuss deeper what she meant by the idea of the "colonization of faith". I also wanted her to share further about her experience as a woman in the church and in leadership as well as being a person of color in the church when she moved to the U.S. I am grateful that she came back to shed more light on these things. This conversation about our lives in the church keeps growing and expanding! It's awesome.
If...2024-05-222h 12Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 97 We Were In a Cult? Tania's StoryWhat is up everyone! Got a new episode up for the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz with a "Z" podcast. I was able to chat with former member of the ICOC Tania. Tania was a member of the Mexico City Church, a missionary that planted one of our churches in Cuba, and a leader in the Boston Church. In our conversation we discussed topics such as the colonization of faith, how much work was required of members, the toxic nature of missionaries, and how women were viewed in the church and leadership.
If yo...2024-05-202h 35Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 96 DADTALK with TJWhat is up everyone! I have a new episode up for the DADTALK series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. I was able to converse with a dad TJ. TJ is a dad of 2 young boys. We had a great conversation about all things fatherhood, pressures of kids in sports, night terrors, and the struggle of wanting to be the perfect dad. The biggest take away though for me was to remember that you are doing the best you can. There is no perfect dad out there. If you focus too much on perfection you in turn stop yo...2024-05-161h 45Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 95 We Were In a Cult? Drew's StoryWhat is up everyone? Got a new episode here for the "We Were In a Cult?" series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" podcast. I was able to have a conversation with former member of the ICOC, Drew to discuss his life before the church, during, and after. The biggest take away of his story for me was how important it is for some to find a "stable" institution and the joy it brings them. That institution also has a damaging power once it is that institution drops them or turns it back on them.
If you are...2024-05-131h 04Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEp. 94 We Were In a Cult? Ljuba's StoryWhat's up everyone! New episode up in the "We Were In a Cult?" Series here on the Clemenz with a "Z" Podcast. In this episode I had the pleasure of talking to former member of the International Churches of Christ or "ICOC" Ljuba. We discussed how it was for her coming from Denmark to New York City right after high school to follow her dreams of dancing and being met by a member right away. We discussed what it was like for after joining, her life in church, the pressures and time commitments, dating, and her eventual need for leav...2024-05-061h 44Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 93 Who Is Your Samaritan?What is up everyone! This episode is my message for this week of May 5th. I look at the parable of the good Samaritan in Luke 10:25-37. I talk about the intentionality of the authors of the bible in their use of metaphors and characters in these parables. I discuss how all of can get so caught up in our rituals and practices that it disconnects us from the people around us, much like the priest and the Levite in the parable. I also talk about how for all of us there are "Samaritans" in our lives that we think...2024-05-0523 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 92 Just Because It was Doesn't Mean It Has To Be.What's up everyone! In this episode I talk about the fear I have as a parent and a person in situations with my kid and in life that remind me of past hurt and trauma. I discuss how I have been finding my through it and a mantra that I have adopted this year. The mantra is "Just because it was doesn't mean it has to be." I hope this helps all of you as much as it has been helping me heal old crap and becoming a more present father.
Be excellent to each other!
Pea...2024-05-0224 minClemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 91 We Were In a Cult? Liz's StoryWhat is up everyone?! New episode alert for the series "We Were In a Cult?" here on the "Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast". I was able to chat with former member of the ICOC Liz about her life in and out of the church.
We were able to talk about growing up as "kingdom kid" and all that came with that, seeking approval from the leaders, seeing the wrongs in the church, trying hard to ignore them, how that ignoring led to internalization, and living with all of that became too much to bear which led to her...2024-04-291h 25Clemenz With a ”Z” PodcastEP. 90 Jesus and ZaccheausWhat is up everyone! For this episode I use the text Luke 19:1-10, the story of Zaccheaus and Jesus. I discuss a couple of things here: How when we read the bible we bring into the story our ideas and views on the world and what we seem possible, the power of being seen and heard, and for us to not become the gatekeepers of who is in or out by letting our own prejudices get in the way.
Be excellent to each other!
Peace everyone!
And remember, I am just a channel. I aint...2024-04-2831 min