Shows
Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAs a Porn/Sex Addict, does, “I Want to Get Clean for Her” or “Be Worthy of Her” work as a Motive for Real Recovery?In Episode 265, Mark & Steve discuss how recovery from porn and sex addiction often begins with external motivators, such as wanting to “get clean for her” or save a relationship. These external pressures serve as a crucial starting point, especially when addicts feel incapable of self-driven change. However, while these motivations may bring someone to the recovery process, they alone are insufficient for long-term success. Sustained recovery requires a shift toward internal motivation, where individuals focus on long-term sobriety, self-improvement, personal growth, and reclaiming their self-worth. This transition, while gradual, enables addicts to build a foundation of resilience, fueled by intr...2025-01-2840 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSESex in Our Marriage has Always Been “Broken.” How do we Repair and Heal it?In PBSE episode 254, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a man who has been married for 45 years and for many of those years, the sexual relationship between he and his wife has been very broken. The reasons are multifaceted and very complex. These include—the horror of emotional and sexual abuse his wife endured during her growing up years; an extremely rigid and shame-based religious culture which they both grew up in and continue to participate in; his periodic use of pornography; his anger and emotional abuse towards his wife; and other factors. He desperately wants to re...2024-11-1237 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Can my Family & Friends Support Me & My Partner in Recovery? How Much Should We Share & with Whom?In Episode 220, Mark & Steve talk about a challenge in porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma healing that is all about a "third party"—the family and friends of the addict and partner. Here's a situation submitted by a PBSE listener—Hey guys. Would you consider doing a podcast episode about advice for friends or family trying to support the addict and/or the betrayed partner? It’s like I want to send my friends a guide around [how they can support me] Eg: being “supportive no matter what” & helping them understand why a partner may stay due to the nat...2024-03-1930 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAs an Addict, are you “Weaponizing your Weaknesses” as a Reason to NOT Commit to and Live “Real” Recovery?In Episode 218, we address two similar questions that we received from partners who are in betrayal trauma healing as a result of their addict spouse's sex/porn addiction behaviors. Here's an excerpt from each of the questions submitted—Partner #1—My husband and I have been together for 3 years. In late 2022, I found out he had been emotional cheating/porn-using our entire relationship. It continued until the fall of 2023. I have given him feedback on what I need from him to start trusting again and he tells me that I am putting too much on his plate. That he ca...2024-03-0533 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAfter Deeply Betraying Her, How do I Help my Partner Feel Truly “Chosen” Again?We want to thank a courageous partner for submitting the situation and question for Episode 217. Here's what she shared—Hi Mark and Steve, I want to thank you for making this podcast and continuing to tackle these hard topics in a way that is so relatable for recovering addicts and being compassionate for partners. My question relates to sexual intimacy and bringing that back into a relationship that has been crushed by porn and sex addiction. We have been married 15 years and have 2 kids, my husband has been acting out the entire relationship in many ways and we...2024-02-2734 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIs this Coupleship Issue a Dual Sex Addiction? Or Something More?Episode 216 is in response to a very courageous, transparent submission by a parter who is seeking to heal from the betrayal of a sex/porn addicted spouse AND also overcome her own sexual addiction. Her's what she sent in to PBSE—Hello Mark and Steve! Thank you for all the work and dedication that you have put into your programs and podcasts and for providing the community with invaluable tools and resources! Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge. I have an unusual/embarrassing question. I am the wife of a sober porn addict. I am a...2024-02-2028 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Came First—His Emotional Disconnectedness or His Addiction?In Episode 215, a PBSE listener asks some very-often-wondered-about questions regarding addiction and related mental, emotional and relational behaviors—I’m wondering what comes first….the chicken or the egg? Do men who already have narcissistic tendencies (born or developed in childhood) gravitate to sex/porn addiction more frequently given their insecure nature and need for validation? Or, has excessive porn use led to an increase in narcissistic tendencies in men? Could this be one reason why some men are successful in recovery while others never find true recovery?Mark and Steve get raw and real in add...2024-02-1331 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEMy Partner’s Porn Addiction Ruined Our Sex Life! Can/Should We Seek a Total “Sexual Reset”?In Episode 214, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener who finds herself in an all-too-common situation. After several years of marriage, her spouse has owned up to his porn addiction and is in active recovery. However, during their entire relationship, his porn addiction ruined what could've been healthy, connected, mutually-satisfying sexually intimacy. Now, they both want things to be very different going forward. Here are the questions she submitted to PBSE—- In what ways could we reset our dating and early stages of marriage?- We have discussed trying to redo our dating expe...2024-02-0631 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAm I Just Too Insecure and Sensitive About What He Does in His “Private Time”?In Episode 213, Mark and Steve tackle a very heart-felt and all-too-common situation submitted by a PBSE listener who is suffering under the heavy burden of betrayal trauma—while at the same time being criticized and discounted by family, friends and other people on social media. Here's what she vulnerably shared—Mark & Steve, I have listened to every episode of your podcast and I wait on the edge of my seat the days in between them. Your words have helped my significant other and I so immensely. I can’t thank you enough for what you both are doing...2024-01-3030 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE“Healthy, Connecting Sexual Dynamic”? You Be the Judge.In episode 212, Mark and Steve respond to a tragic situation submitted by a PBSE listener. As opposed to a structured podcast, Mark & Steve spontaneously share their raw, passionate feelings as they read and comment on each part of this partner’s submission; ask a LOT of hard-hitting questions; and relate to their own addiction/recovery experiences and the experiences of the many couples they’ve worked with over the past 20+ years. Here’s the PBSE listener's submission— Hi guys! I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your podcast, in the darkest moments of our li...2024-01-2334 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSECan He Ever “See” Me Physically & Sexually like He does His Porn Fantasies?Episode 211 is in response to a very raw and heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. She is about to turn 40, is married to a guy who struggles with porn/sex addiction and they have 3 children. About 10 years ago, she found out that he had been regularly viewing porn for the first decade of their marriage. She was devastated and let him know she considered it cheating. In the years that followed, every time she would bring it up, he promised to stop but never did. He gaslit her and claimed it was "normal" behavior. Then over the last 12 months...2024-01-1631 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIs There a Correlation Between ADHD & Porn/Sex Addiction? Can You Cope with Both Collaboratively?In Episode 210, Mark & Steve address an issue that comes up often in porn/sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—the challenges of ADHD that seem to often correlate with, and/or accompany addiction. This episode is in response to a situation submitted by a PBSE listener—"I have heard there is a correlation between ADHD and addiction. Have you noticed this in your practice, and what is your advice to both addict and partner on how to cope and battle through both issues collaboratively? I looked into the symptoms of ADHD and some of my long term...2024-01-0933 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEYou Get to Decide What Level of Intimacy You Want in Your Relationship.Episode 209 is in response to a very complex, awkward, embarrassing, infuriating and painful situation submitted by the partner of a porn/sex addict. He IS in initial recovery, BUT when he finally started "trickle disclosing" his past "addiction behaviors," this led her to do some "detective work" to find out more. In searching his computer, phone, Internet search history, etc., she discovered a devastatingly DARK SIDE to him that she didn't know about and would never have assumed! But, she does love him and is very weary of bringing up what she has discovered, for fear of...2024-01-0222 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSECan “Emotional Cheating” be Worse Than Sexual Betrayal?This episode (#208) is in response to a very vulnerable and heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. Here's her situation—"You may have already covered during previous episodes and I have just not been able to find it, but could you do a podcast on emotional cheating? This was a big part of my relationship and devastated me more than finding out about his pornography habits. This woman wasn’t something he turned to occasionally, she was someone he contacted daily. All day. Even much earlier in the morning than I’d hear from him. While he was lying...2023-12-2638 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Do My Partner and I Successfully Navigate a “Therapeutic Separation”? How Do We Do This Well?In Episode 207, Mark & Steve address a situation and concern sent in by a PBSE listener who finds herself in a very painful, difficult and complex situation. Here's how she describes it—"Hey guys, firstly thank you so much for your podcast - it’s helping more than you will ever know. My question is about separation and how to do this well. I found out four months ago, while I was 8 months pregnant, that husband of 7 years has a severe sex addiction. I moved out with our 2 year old and in with my parents, telling them everything. He...2023-12-1932 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEThe More I Learn About His “Disgusting Past” the Less I Want to Have Sex with Him! How Can We Ever Recover From This?We know that the title to Episode 206 is hard-hitting! But, this is very close to a "quote" from a PBSE listener who is a partner in betrayal trauma healing. Here's the very raw and real situation and question she sent to us—"Hi Mark and Steve, My husband and I are coming up on one year since D-Day. We’ve each been in individual therapy and 12 step groups: he for his addiction, me for betrayal trauma. One of the problems is that we haven’t had a formal therapeutic disclosure and more and more information about...2023-12-1329 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat is the Betrayed Partner’s Responsibility in Rebuilding a Relationship?In Episode 205, Mark and Steve tackle a VERY sensitive, but crucial topic. This episode comes in response to a porn/sex addict in recovery who wrote the following—"Hi there, I just want to start by saying thank you for your work in this area of addiction. I'm an addict and I've been in a relationship for the past 4 years. I've betrayed my partner several times during that time. I've been to treatment and I've come a long way since those early days in the relationship. I've stopped my damaging behavior and language towards my partner and I...2023-12-0535 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow to have a Healthy Couples Dialogue in Tackling Sexually Triggering TopicsIn Episode 204, Mark & Steve take on what is often a very difficult topic for couples—talking openly, authentically and non-defensively about all aspects of their sexual relationship. This episode is in response to a situation and question sent in by a PBSE listener. Her partner is in active, genuine recovery from porn/sex addiction and doing a lot of things right. Yet, there are some aspects of his behavior that she is unsure about. Here's how she describes the situation—"My question today centers around what should our new "normal" look like in the bedroom? . . . My partner has c...2023-11-2828 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Can an Addict and Partner Stay “Safe” During Holiday Trips and Vacations?In episode 203, Mark and Steve tackle an issue that is often extremely challenging for both the individual who is in recovery from porn/sex addiction AND for their partner who is healing from betrayal trauma. That issue is—Trips and Travel—during the holidays as well as trips and vacations throughout the year. - WHY can trips and vacations be SO triggering for both the addict and their partner?!- HOW is safety created for addicts AND their partners when the addict travels "solo"?- HOW is safety created for the addict and the part...2023-11-2135 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEI Have Been Betrayed by So Many Men! What Steps Can I Take Going Forward to NOT be Hurt Again?!Episode 202 is in response to a deeply traumatic situation and heartfelt questions sent in by a PBSE listener. For over 40 years, this dear woman has been betrayed, gaslighted, lied to, disrespected and dismissed by the men in her life, starting with her own father. Now, much older and wiser, IF she enters into a future relationship, she doesn't want to set herself up for the pain of the past. Here's how she expressed this deep concern—"I don't EVER want these types of relationships again! What steps can I take to ensure I don't add [another dysfunctional] man...2023-11-1434 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhy do Betrayed Partners Feel Unsafe? What does it take to Feel Safe Again and Why is this Critical to Healing?In episode 201, Mark and Steve address a very genuine and vulnerable cry for help from a woman who was severely betrayed by her husband. Her message and questions were lengthy, so here's a summary of what she submitted to PBSE—- Our PBSE listener had a good friend who was temporarily living in her home. Her husband had an affair with the friend while she was staying there. - When confronted, the husband and friend both blamed our listener for the situation, claiming it was because our listener was in menopause. - This was foll...2023-11-0731 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEEpisode 200!!! What Does it Mean to “Dare” in Your Relationship?This is PBSE's 200th episode! We (Mark & Steve) want to express our deepest appreciation to all of our PBSE listeners in more than 185 countries world-wide. YOU are the reason we are so passionate about this cause and dedicated to bringing you our weekly podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you!One of the great passions that fuels our counseling work and the PBSE Podcast is the opportunity to help couples mend their broken relationships and move forward to be closer and more connected than ever! It was from this passion that our online recovery and healing program, "D...2023-10-3136 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEYou Can Rewire Your Subconscious Mind—and Break Out of Porn/Sex Addiction!In Episode 199, Steve is on the road traveling so Mark is flying solo on the PBSE podcast. Everyday we think, talk and act on "autopilot" in SO many ways! All of this is "hard-wired" in the subconscious mind's computer. And one of the most powerfully hard-wired programs the subconscious mind’s computer can contain is ADDICTION. Addiction is all about reacting on autopilot. We encounter stress, discomfort, pain, disappointment, shame, fear, failure and any number of other negative feelings and our subconscious programming automatically kicks in and moves us like a robot down the automatic track of seek...2023-10-2423 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSESPECIAL EPISODE! For My Recovery & My Partner’s Healing—How Can I Stop “Scanning in Public”?Episode 198 is a very special episode! You will notice that this episode is much longer than what is typical for PBSE. That's because we're doing a "re-broadcast" of a special "on-location" Dare to Connect session we did for addicts in recovery back in January 2023. We are doing this in response to a request made to us by a current PBSE and D2C subscriber—"Mark and Steve, the other day [in my Reddit group], I shared how my addict spouse had learned to not scan and objectify and the tools you had shared back in like December/Jan...2023-10-171h 07Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSESick and Tired of the Roller Coaster Ride of Porn/Sex Addiction? Here Are Some Simple Tools to Start Breaking Free.After years or decades of feeling stuck in the endless "addiction cycle," it can be easy to become weighed down in hopelessness and the seeming "inevitability" of continuing relapse. In Episode 197, Mark Kastleman shares some simple, yet powerful tools to begin breaking free from the shackles of porn/sex addiction. For well over a decade, these tools have been tested and proved with thousands of addicts across the globe. Perhaps they can help you or someone you love in the fight to be free!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and be...2023-10-1025 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEMy Spouse “Fooled” Me and Everyone in Our Family for Years! Now I Can’t Stand to Even Look at Him! Is there any Hope for us?Episode 196 is in response to a very raw and painful situation shared by the spouse of a porn/sex addict. Here's what she had to say—Hi and thank you both so much for what you do, I found you through the worst time in my life by the grace of god. I am in my second marriage with a man who is ten years younger than myself. I poured my heart and soul into this marriage, and I have recently found out all the secrets he has kept from me for years. He has fooled everyone, my...2023-10-0333 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat is the Difference Between “Codependence” and Authentic Feelings & Boundaries?There is an old, antiquated psychology model that is unfortunately still referenced by too many people out there regarding how porn/sex addiction impacts a spouse/partner. That old model is called, "Codependency." For many years, Mark and Steve have practiced a far more effective and correct model and approach known as, "Betrayal Trauma." A PBSE listener who is the partner of a porn/sex addict, sent in a situation and questions around the misguided use and even "weaponization" of the term "codependency." Here is what she submitted—"I recently showed my partner the episode ti...2023-09-2632 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Can a Porn/Sex Addict in Recovery, most effectively project His Authenticity and Higher Self?In Episode 194, Mark and Steve respond to what may be the most brief situation and question ever submitted to PBSE. It comes from a sex addict trying to reconcile with his partner. Here's his submission—"How can I reconcile my infidelity and my care for women’s rights? My wife says that I’m lying to myself, but I feel like I do care about #metoo. Like, wtf???"In this episode, Mark and Steve get raw and real about HOW a porn/sex addict in recovery can most effectively project his authen...2023-09-1936 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat is “His” Role and “Her” Role in Rebuilding Trust?In Episode #193, Mark & Steve talk passionately about a super-crucial part of addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—rebuilding trust! This episode was created in answer to the following situation sent in by a sex/porn addict actively seeking recovery and yearning to rebuild trust with his partner—"Hello, I have been listening for a few months now and have a question. A little back story, I have been as far as I know addicted to sex/porn for most of my life (about 30 years). Until recently when I have been trying to do something about it by unde...2023-09-1232 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEShould I Marry My Porn-Addicted Fiancé or Move On?We KNOW this is a VERY intense episode title! We decided to tackle this topic because it was submitted by a PBSE listener who is engaged to a porn addict and wants to know if she should proceed or end the relationship. Here's how she describes her situation—"Hi, I really appreciate this podcast and what it offers—as a partner of a porn addict, it gives me valuable insight on what we are both going through. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. About 3 years ago, I found out about his addiction and it’s been a...2023-09-0531 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Happens when Porn Use/Sex Addiction is Blamed on the so-called “Inadequacies” of a Partner?In Episode 191, Mark and Steve take on what is an extremely difficult and painful topic for the partners of porn/sex addicts. This episode is in response to a PBSE listener vulnerably and transparently describing a very hurtful and traumatic situation and history she is facing with her partner. During their relationship, he has regularly chosen to access porn and other sexual behaviors outside of the loyalty and faithfulness of their committed relationship. When he immerses himself into those destructive behaviors, he tends to “turn the tables” and place blame upon her for his choices. Here’s part of what s...2023-08-2923 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAfter My Lying and Gaslighting, My Partner Won’t Believe Me! How Do I Show True Empathy & Rebuild Trust?In Episode 190, Mark and Steve take on some excellent questions asked by a PBSE listener. He is in good, solid, active recovery from porn/sex addiction and alcoholism. He is doing a LOT of right things and amassing some really good sobriety. But, based on his long history of addiction, lying, gaslighting, etc., she is having a hard time believing that he is doing as well as he claims. Here's part of what he shared—". . . she doesn't believe it was possible for me to cut back like I claim to have done. Making things worse, [in the pas...2023-08-2232 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEBoundaries, Trauma and “Long-Distance-Sex”–Where do We Go From Here?In Episode 189, Mark and Steve answer three critical questions sent in by a PBSE listener who is trying to balance her own healing from sexual trauma and her relationship with a 15-year-porn-addict who refuses to get into recovery. And he insists on a long-distance, "digital/cyber" sexual relationship. Here's her situation—"My partner and I are long distance. He has been a porn addict for the last 15 years and due to unrelated circumstances, refuses to get into formal recovery right now, although he has been clean for a little over 2 months. I have a long history of sex...2023-08-1538 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWill Confronting my Addict’s "Acting-Out Partners" Help Me Heal?Episode 188 addresses a PBSE Listener's painful situation and heart-felt, crucial questions:"Hi Mark and Steve, Firstly I want to thank you for hearing my previous question about my addict partners "empathy Button" being broken. Your podcast really reiterated that we are on the right track. Our disclosure day was with a Sex Addiction Specialist and we are both in ongoing therapy working through our individual journeys as well as our journey together. Today I have a question geared more towards my head space than his. I mentioned in the past email that his preferred "p...2023-08-0834 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Place Does “Edging” Have or Not Have in Healthy Recovery and Healing a Relationship?In Episode 187, Mark & Steve take on a topic and question from a PBSE listener that hasn't been specifically addressed on the podcast before. Here's what a listener submitted—"Hi Mark and Steve - long time listener now and I've recommended your podcast many times to others in recovery. Thank you for all you professionalism, vulnerability, and all the resources you've put together! My question today is about so-called "edging" which refers to masturbation without orgasm. There seems to be confusion about whether this behavior is harmful, how or whether it fits into recovery, and how or whether it...2023-08-0129 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEMy Partner’s Definition of “What is Porn” is Different from Mine—We are at an Impasse—Now What?!In episode 186, Mark & Steve address a very difficult and sensitive topic sent in to PBSE by the partner of an addict in recovery—"My husband and I have been in healthy recovery for an extended amount of time. He thinks someone can be objectified whether they have clothing or not, so if he wants to watch a movie where he knows there is a scene with nudity—that has nothing to do with the topic of a movie—as long as HE knows his intent and purpose for watching the movie, it doesn’t break his boundaries of 'rela...2023-07-2535 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEMy Porn/Sex Addict Partner’s “Empathy Button” is Broken! What Can I Do?The title for Episode 185 may sound a bit strange—"My Porn/Sex Addict Partner’s 'Empathy Button' is Broken! What Can I Do?" Actually, the idea of a "broken empathy button" comes from a PBSE listener who sent us the following situation and plea for help—"I am the betrayed partner of a sex addict and we are around 2 months into our journey at this point—very early days. So far I have to say my partner seems to be doing all the right things and listening to the podcast has somewhat reinforced that for me. I am strug...2023-07-1830 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow can we Connect When My Partner Acts Out and Then Goes to Shame—Silent, Stoic and Self-Absorbed?!In Episode 184, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's situation and question. This is a VERY common situation that MANY partners describe who are struggling under the heavy burden of Betrayal Trauma—"My husband acts out & then completely turns inward about how awful of a person he is & in turn I feel like he pushes me away. How do I as a partner in betrayal react to this? His silence & ignoring me makes me so angry. I know that the opposite of addiction is connection & my husband has said this to me as well. How are we...2023-07-1130 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE“Clearing Away the Wreckage of Your Past"—Recovery Lessons from Steve’s Metal Detecting TripAlmost 30 years ago, when PBSE co-founder Steve Moore was 13-years-old, his father was killed in a plane crash. This traumatic event played a big role in Steve developing an addiction to pornography as a young teen. A few weeks ago, Steve traveled to his father's plane crash site to "uncover the wreckage of his past." In this special episode, Steve relates his experience directly to how crucial "uncovering and clearing away the wreckage of your past" is to recovery and healing—- “Scanning the Surface” sometimes brings insights about what is below the surface, and vice-versa.- ...2023-07-0430 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEI Want My Addict Partner to SUFFER; to Feel TERRIBLE like I do! Is that Normal? How Can I Stop this Feeling?!In Episode 182, Mark and Steve respond to a very authentic, vulnerable and VERY direct question from a PBSE listener—"Can you address this question on your podcast? I want my partner to suffer the same hurt as he inflicted on me. I actually want him to feel terrible. Why do I feel this way. How can I stop feeling this way? "- What does "Betrayal Trauma" look like and feel like when you are the partner of a sex/porn addict?- Why does Betrayal Trauma feel "crazy;" create "emotional variability;" and even what...2023-06-2730 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEEvolve from Treating the “Symptoms of Addiction” to a Real & Lasting “Change of Heart & Mind."In episode 180, Mark and Steve address an insightful inquiry from a porn/sex addict seeking a real and lasting change of heart and mind in his recovery. Here's how he describes his situation—"Hello! I am a recovering porn addict, and I have been listening to your podcast for the past six months or so. I have had a CSAT for the past nine months and started going to 12-step meetings around the same time. The recovery process has been hard, but I have begun to finally uncover some of the needs that I have been trying to...2023-06-2028 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEShould I Pay Off My New Spouse's "Porn Debt" So We Can Have a Solid Financial Start?We KNOW this episode title sounds crazy! But, many partners of porn/sex addicts face some hard decisions about where to "draw boundaries" as they try to navigate the relationship moving forward. In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's genuine concerns and questions about discovering her new spouse has tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt as a result of his years of online addiction. She accurately refers to this as "financial infidelity" on top of all the other aspects of infidelity. Does she offer to use her hard-earned savings to...2023-06-1333 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIs There a “Statute of Limitations” on Feelings, Betrayal Trauma and Disclosure?In Episode 178, Mark and Steve address an all-too-common situation and question faced and asked by porn/sex addicts in recovery and their partners seeking to heal from betrayal trauma—"Should there be a limit on how long and how many times difficult feelings can be felt, expressed and processed; how long and how many times betrayal trauma can resurface, be confronted and shared; how long before Disclosure cannot be asked for, or additional Disclosures requested? Is there a "statue of limitations" on these things? A PBSE listener—the partner of a porn/sex addict—asked Mark and Steve...2023-06-0628 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow do I Stop Comparing Myself to Porn and His Sexual Fantasies?In Episode 177, Mark and Steve address a very heart-felt question sent in by a PBSE listener—"My partner recently came clean to me about porn addiction and online disloyalty, as well as checking out my friends. He insists that these other women's appearances have very little to do with his sexual attention towards them, and he wasn't even really attracted to them. He says it was all about the pornographic dynamic he projected onto them. Do you have any episodes that could help me stop comparing myself to them ? I can't help but feel insecure and self ha...2023-05-3028 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIf “Sex is Optional,” How can a Couple Possibly Stay Connected?!In this episode Mark and Steve address a super common question—if "sex is optional" in a relationship, then how can a couple possibly stay connected?! This question actually came in recently from a PBSE listener. Here's how she asked it—"Hi, I’ve been binge listening to your podcast for a few days now to try to understand my partner’s addiction. I have been able to take away a ton of great stuff, but I have a question. You often say that sex is optional. I think I understand the sentiment, but is it truly reasonabl...2023-05-2325 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Can We Avoid the Traps and Pitfalls of Addiction Recovery and Betrayal Trauma Healing?Episode 175 finds Steve and his wife on vacation on the island of Hilo in Hawaii. Hilo is the site of an actual "active" volcano. While there, they observe that there are limited "solid footpaths" around the volcano and a LOT of areas of "thin crust" where the lava is flowing one or two inches below the surface! The surface "looks" solid, but step on it and BAM! you plunge through the crust and into the molten fire! In this episode, Mark & Steve take the Hilo location and terrain and create an analogy: —How do we "wa...2023-05-1625 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Keeps us Stuck in Addiction and What Does “Real” Recovery Look Like?The partners of sex/porn addicts can find it difficult or near impossible to discern whether or not their partner is still "stuck in addiction" or in actual "real recovery." Here's how a PBSE listener describes this frustrating, painful experience—1 year ago, iIfound my husband of almost 25 years has been addicted to porn our whole marriage and he had racked up tens of thousands in debt that included monthly subscriptions for Viagra, for cam girls and gambling. He has struggled with ED for the last 10 years and always gaslit me into thinking it was“I made him nervo...2023-05-0928 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Happens When we “Weaponize” What Could be “Healthy Boundaries”?Healthy Boundaries are CRITICAL to our individual happiness and authenticity—AND—to our connection as a couple. But when we're not experienced with setting and holding healthy boundaries and/or we've spent our lives "going along to get along," it can be all-too-easy to "weaponize" what could otherwise be healthy boundaries—sabotaging our own authenticity and and connection in our couple-ship.This episode is in response to a situation sent in by a PBSE listener—My husband starting reading " No More Mr Nice Guy" which was referred to him by his 12-Step sponsor. Now he says his...2023-05-0227 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE“Normal Human Attraction” vs. “Toxic/Betraying Lust”?In Episode 172, Mark and Steve tackle a topic that is extremely difficult, triggering and traumatizing for the partners of porn/sex addicts and even for the addicts themselves—the line between "attraction and lust." This episode is in response to a situation and questions submitted by a PBSE listener—Hi Mark and Steve, The PBSE podcast really has been such a Godsend helping inform my husband and I of the possibility of hope and healing. We had our 4th D-day a few months ago, but in some ways it was the very first, as we finally have ackn...2023-04-2529 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAs a Partner in Betrayal Trauma, I Feel Resentment Toward my Addict Partner. How do I Manage this?!In episode 169, Mark and Steve address a very raw and real scenario and question from the partner of a porn/sex addict. As a partner trying to heal from Betrayal Trauma, she feels a lot of resentment toward her addict partner who is in recovery and she wants to know HOW to process through these very legitimate feelings—Hi! I would love to hear a discussion of the effect of resentment on the partner in recovery. My husband and I have been married for 19 years. D-Day was 15 months ago, and since then my husband has been sober an...2023-04-0421 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEThe “Fallacy of Fairness”—Why I Cannot Stand Up For Myself with my PartnerIn this episode, Mark & Steve address a PBSE listener's question about WHY she has trouble standing her ground, having a voice, speaking her truth and holding boundaries with her porn/sex addict partner. She is suffering from a very common "thinking error" known as the "fallacy of fairness." Too often, we base whether or not we ourselves or our partner has an "equal voice at the table" at where we or they are with regard to our "moral standing;" our "rightness in the relationship;" our past behaviors and other factors. We become trapped and stuck in the "f...2023-03-2127 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Does a Formal, Full “Disclosure” Look Like?In this episode, Mark and Steve review what is an often mismanaged or overlooked “critical” part of porn/sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—the “Formal Disclosure Process.” - How NOT to do a disclosure: go-it-alone; “wing it;” engage in “staggered disclosures;” etc. - How to PREPARE for a Disclosure–both the addict and the partner- What the “day of disclosure” looks like- Critical follow-up to the Disclosure—the “Impact Letter” and “Reconciliation/Amends Process”Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betra...2023-03-1420 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhen it comes to boundaries and consequences in recovery and healing, what is “my side of the street vs. his"?In this episode, Mark and Steve address what can often be a confusing topic for couples—when it comes to recovery, healing, boundaries and consequences, what is my side of the street vs. his side of the street? How do I know when I've crossed the line? Here's a question sent in by a PBSE listener about this challenge—Guys, do you have anything to share for those of us unsure of when we should be staying 'on our side of the street'? I'm hearing it but I can't make sense of where the line should be drawn...2023-02-2825 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIs all this “Recovery & Healing Crap” really Worth it? Hope for Couples.Recovery from Porn/Sex Addiction and healing from Betrayal Trauma are HUGE commitments, take a long time and are HARD work. It can be easy in the early to mid stages of that journey to wonder if success is really possible and if all this "crap" we're going through is really worth it! In this episode, Mark and Steve share their personal experiences and the experiences of working with couples all over the world—there is GREAT HOPE and YES it absolutely is WORTH IT! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual ad...2023-02-2124 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEStop Focusing on your "Addiction Symptoms” and Get to your Core Issues!Too often, those struggling with porn/sex addiction focus primarily on their outward addiction behaviors--the "symptoms" of addiction. Many believe, "Once I get sober, I'll be good to go." While sobriety is crucially important, it is NOT "recovery." If an addict is unwilling to look beyond the addiction behaviors to the deep "core issues" driving their unwanted, destructive behaviors, the "symptoms" will just keep coming back. In this episode, Mark & Steve talk about what these "core issues," how to identify and start working on them. Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual...2023-02-1421 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIs there any “Good” to be Learned from Sex Addiction Behaviors and Betrayal Trauma?In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a painful situation sent in by a PBSE listener. Her spouse was caught in an affair, which uncovered 6 years of multiple affairs and other sex addiction behaviors. Her addict spouse has been in dedicated recovery for some time now and in that process he has disclosed something that is enormously hard for her to accept. Here's how she describes it—"What he has shared in his recovery journey is that for the first time, within some of his acting out relationships, he was able to talk openly about his sexuality an...2023-02-0719 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEMy Partner has a Slip with Porn and I go Online to See What He was Looking at! How do I Stop this Painful Behavior?In this episode, Mark & Steve address a very common "painful" behavior that the partners of porn addicts can often engage in. A PBSE listener sent in a description of her situation: her boyfriend is currently in recovery for porn addiction and making a lot of great progress. Like nearly all addicts in recovery, he still does have occasional slips back into porn use. He shares these openly with her and then she feels compelled to go to the same websites to view what he was looking at. Here's how she describes her pain—I've found myself spiraling eve...2023-01-3118 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIf I Don’t Get Angry/Intense When My Partner Slips/Relapses, He Becomes Complacent! How Do I Find a Healthy Balance?A PBSE listener describes a situation that many partners of addicts face. Here's how she describes it. See if you can relate—My partner has been in recovery for only 3 months now and it was then that I found out about all of the disclosure of his addiction. He has had 2 relapses since then and has been honest about where he is in his recovery. He is in a 12 step program and has expressed that he is struggling with shame, guilt and feeling like a failure. Your podcast is truly helping me recognize I can’t control his...2023-01-2421 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat if I Marry an Addict in Recovery and Down the Road He Stops Choosing Recovery? Is there a “Safe Zone” to Prevent This?This episode is in response to a situation shared with us by a PBSE listener. She is currently engaged to a guy in his mind twenties who has struggled with porn addiction since age 9 or 10 and other more severe forms of sexual addiction in later years. He IS in active recovery; seeing a therapist; working a program and has 160 days of sobriety—the longest in his life. Here's her questions—My fear is that while he's committed to recovery right now, this might not always be the case, especially if his brain is so tightly wired this way...2023-01-1729 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow do I Forgive Myself after Betraying my Wife for 18 Years?!Here's a raw, heart-felt submission from a PBSE listener—Hello Mark and Steve, I am a recovering porn addict and the grateful husband of the listener whose question about foreboding joy you answered in episode 107, “How Can I Ever Dare to Trust Him Again?” If you have time, I would be grateful for your insights on the two questions below. I tried to provide context without becoming too long-winded.I really connect with everything in episode 149, “As a Porn/Sex Addict in Recovery, How Do I Let Go of Deep Feelings of Shame & Unworthiness?” I am working...2023-01-1029 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAfter Our Long Addiction and Betrayal History, We Now Live Like “Married Singles.” How Can We Get the “Chemistry & Spark” Back?In this episode, Mark and Steve address a "couple's issue" that is unfortunately all-too-common: In the wake of addiction and betrayal trauma, the relationship grows stale, becomes ambivalent and indifferent—it feels like the spark and chemistry are very low or even gone.Here's how one PBSE listener describes this situation—As a betrayed partner (married 30+ yrs), my concern now is that since my partner has demonstrated first order change I cannot seem to establish a cohesive bond & I don’t feel the chemistry or connection to him as I once did. Sex went away 7 yrs ago...2023-01-0330 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIs 2023 already “Ruined” Due to His Destructive Sexual Behaviors over all the other years?!As we look at moving into a new year, many addicts in recovery and spouses healing from betrayal trauma, wonder if their year and experience will ever be "normal" again. Will they ever be able to go to the beach or a BBQ or pool party ever again without one or both being triggered? Can we watch any movies other than G-rated without the risk of something sexual popping up? How can 2023 be any different with all the preceding years of "horrible history."In this episode, Mark and Steve get "practical" about HOW to make the Holidays...2022-12-2720 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEDoes it Take a “Catastrophe” to Break Out of Addiction? And, Should I Disclose to My Partner?We recently received a VERY raw, vulnerable and transparent communication from one of our PBSE listeners who is struggling with porn addiction and has some very pointed questions. Here are some excerpts of what he sent us—I have been battling with porn and sex addiction off and on for the better part of 25 years. In my younger years, I was able to break free of it . . . Now, a number of years later, I think I am in a full blown addiction that is spiraling out of control. When I look at people’s "quitting stories" out there...2022-12-1328 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow to Raise Sexually Healthy Kids and Help Those Already StrugglingMark & Steve rarely address issues with kids and teens on PBSE podcast. However, two PBSE listeners submitted questions in this area. One is in addiction recovery and wants to know HOW to help his three young children (one more on the way) grow up to be sexually healthy adults who are not "set up" for addiction. The other listener, also in recovery, has a 16-year-old son who recently admitted to being caught up in porn since age 12. How can he best help his son? In this episode, Mark and Steve offer some straight-forward advice on HOW to...2022-12-0624 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSENow that I know about my addict partner’s past sexual behaviors, I don’t want to have sex with him!This PBSE episode comes from a very bold, but authentic situation and question from one of our listeners—I am a betrayed spouse and just listened to Episode 37, “I’m not Sexually Attracted to my Partner.” I was so hoping you would also be dealing with the betrayed spouse’s feelings of not being attracted to their partner. Because that’s where l am. After 24 years of absolutely no sex or sexually intimate connection at all, now that he’s recovered, he’s interested in me sexually and emotionally. But l have no interest in him sexually any more. After...2022-11-2929 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Can You Do When Your Partner Will Not Acknowledge They Have a Porn Problem?In episode 150, Mark & Steve tackle a situation submitted by a PBSE listener—Her partner of 3 years came forward and admitted to her that he's been hiding his porn use from her their entire relationship. He was humble, willing and indicated that he would get help and do whatever it takes to break out of this. Then, a short time later, he made a 180 degree turnaround and blamed all of it on her, telling her that there's nothing wrong with porn and it's all her issue! To say she was blindsided, confused and traumatized would be an understatement! He...2022-11-2225 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAs a Porn/Sex Addict in Recovery, HOW do I Let Go of Deep Feelings of Shame & Unworthiness?In episode 149, Mark & Steve reach out to an addict in recovery who expressed some very deep feelings and meaning questions—Hi Mark and Steve, I love your podcast and have learned a ton from your experiences! Thank you for all that you do for the SA recovery community! I'm a betraying partner in recovery from porn and sex addiction. I've been working with a CSAT for 10 months and engage in separate therapy and accountability groups each week. My wife and I completed a therapeutic disclosure 4 months ago and just started couples' counseling this week. I struggle with a...2022-11-1525 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSESteve's Lessons Learned in Successful Recovery!This is a special podcast and the first of its kind here at PBSE. In this episode, PBSE Co-Founder Steve Moore, goes “solo” and talks raw and real about how, in October, he celebrated 8 years of total sobriety from porn and sex addiction! Steve shares the incredible recovery lessons he’s learned along the way and HOW you can be SUCCESSFUL! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! A...2022-11-0822 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEMy Addict Spouse Can’t Help His Bad Behaviors Because He is “Powerless”—Right?In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a spouse's heart-felt description of the EXTREMELY traumatizing situation with her addict partner. Her words JUMPED out at Mark & Steve and they have a LOT to say to her and her partner!!! Here are the words she sent in to PBSE—I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have 2 young children and I have been aware of my husbands addictive sexual behavior for several years. We have had many D days, a few breakdowns from both of us, broken promises, attempts at counseling with no consistency. The beh...2022-11-0131 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEBecause of Trauma from my Addict Partner, I'm Seeing the World Through "His Hyper-sexualized Lens"!In this episode, Mark and Steve address a very unfortunate, but all-too-common challenge for the partners of porn/sex addicts. Here's how a PBSE listener describes her extreme difficulty with this issue—I feel like I now understand, to a maybe uncomfortable degree, what’s going on in his head when we’re in public and an attractive girl is nearby.Y’all talk about “scanning a room” but, now I feel like I’m the one scanning! I obsessively scan every environment looking for the girls I know he’ll view that way, then I become crippled with an...2022-10-2529 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat Role Can/Should a “Polygraph” Play in a Porn/Sex Addict’s “Disclosure” to a Partner?In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a PBSE listener's questions about "polygraphs" and their role in Disclosure to a partner—Hi Mark & Steve, I am really enjoying your podcast, and have been in recovery for just over 9 months. I am listening to the podcast in order and am on episode 72, so forgive me if you have covered this topic. My question is regarding polygraphs. I have failed 2 of them and now my wife does not trust a thing I say. I admitted that the first one I took I was being dishonest because I wasn't ready to...2022-10-1825 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEAre the Sexual Practices in Your Relationship “Safe”? How Can You Know?In this episode, Mark & Steve address a very difficult and painful situation and questions submitted by a PBSE listener. Her spouse has engaged in sexual practices with her where she did NOT give her "consent" and definitely fall under the definition of "abusive." How can you KNOW with certainty when certain sexual practices in your relationship are "safe" and when they cross the line into the "abusive"? Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessi...2022-10-1124 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEI was just “blind-sided” by the shocking details of my husband’s sex addiction! Now what!I this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a spouse who sent in a CRAZY HARD situation she is facing! Her courage, authenticity and wisdom are very impressive!Hi Mark and Steve! First of all, I just want to say thank you so much for doing these podcasts. I am married for 19 yrs and we are together for 20. I am brand new to this scene. Just found out in the last 3 weeks that my husband has severe sex addiction including Voyeurism, porn addiction, infidelity, and intimacy issues. The only thing he has disclosed to me before heading...2022-10-0425 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEMy Husband Acts “Sexually Anorexic”—What Can I Do?!A PBSE listener sent in a very raw and vulnerable situation and question. Here's what she said— I've heard the term "sexual anorexia" and this describes [my husband] to a tee! I've been binging your podcast recently and it seems you guys are always talking about wives setting boundaries around not having sex until feeling safe, but I have the opposite issue. He never wants to have sex with me. He wants to be in a relationship but I don't think he sees me as a sexual person anymore.He's always trying to stay busy. Work is...2022-09-2725 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSELet's Talk "Fetishes"!In this episode, Mark and Steve tackle a series of questions sent in by a PBSE listener. She and her partner are in good, solid recovery with a therapist and support groups. A major issue that has come up is her partner's long-standing "sexual fetish" which has ties to abuse he suffered as a child. The fetish is often triggered when he sees women in public. Here are the specific questions she has about this issue—- Is it ok to explore his fetish or could that keep him in his addiction and his struggles with lust?2022-08-3025 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow do “Family of Origin” Issues Impact your Addiction, Recovery and Marriage Relationship?In response to a PBSE Listener's situation and question, Mark and Steve share some raw and real thoughts and feelings from their own "families of origin." Here an excerpt from what the PBSE listener sent in—Mark & Steve,It’s been an absolute blessing to have discovered your podcast. My spouse and I listen regularly. To be blunt, Mark, he has said he relates so much with you in particular when it comes to mindset & behaviors of his addiction. And like Steve, he too lost his father too soon, as a teenager (of which he said he was e...2022-08-0923 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSENow that my partner is in recovery, what should our “sexual norms” look like as a Couple?In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a scenario and question from a PBSE listener—"Since my husband and I have gotten into recovery I struggle with still feeling like we are supposed to be having sex every three days or my husband will fall and it will be my fault. I still struggle with his decreased libido now that he isn't hyper-sexualize and can't help but feel triggered that he must be acting out, I'm ugly or there is something wrong with me. I can confidently say he is in good recovery and he is no...2022-08-0225 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEIt’s Been a Long Time Since I Looked at Porn–Am I Cured? Do I Still Need “Recovery Work”?A PBSE listener writes in about her spouse who has been porn-free for over ten years. Yet, there are still many areas of his personal life and their relationship where there is room for growth and improvement. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about how "recovery" is about a WHOLE LOT MORE than just being "sober." When one gets into recovery, IF he or she can catch the full "vision" it is truly AMAZING the many ways personal lives and relationships can evolve into something never imagined possible! Mark and Steve talk real about how this...2022-07-2628 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWould my Spouse Still be an Addict if He had Married Someone Else?In this episode, Mark and Steve speak from the heart to a PBSE listener whose addict spouse passed away and now she finds herself wrestling with some horrific "what-ifs." Here's the honest and courageous message she sent to Mark and Steve—Would this have happened if my spouse had married someone else?—Three years ago my marriage And my life as I knew it imploded upon learning that my husband of 21 years had been living a double life of lies, infidelity, and addiction for our entire relationship. I Began intense therapy for betrayal trauma in 2019 and in the t...2022-07-1928 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow “Sex” can be used as an “Intimacy Substitute.”In this episode, Mark and Steve speak directly to a PBSE listener's in-depth question about sex being used as a substitute for true intimacy—"I love your podcast. I'd love to make a podcast topic request, if you're able . . . "Question: Can sex be used as an intimacy substitute? My husband wants lots of sex and cuddling, but then either avoids or only goes "into the shallow end" regarding the other areas of relational intimacy. I wonder if he has been using sex to try to fill an emotional hole that's been there since before I came...2022-07-0522 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE“To Masturbate or Not to Masturbate?” that is the question!Masturbation is an extremely controversial topic these days; one that elicits a lot of heated debate. This is especially true when an addict spouse engages in masturbation alone and separate from his spouse. Here's what one PBSE listener had to say about this—Hello Mark and Steve- I want to say thank you so much for your weekly podcasts. I am a former client of Steve’s, and I still listen to the podcasts weekly. I am so grateful to you both, for your conversations. I listed to your most recent episode, #123, and at the end of it y...2022-05-2429 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages”—Part Three—The Conclusion!This is Part Three—the concluding episode on "How Mark and Steve moved from defensiveness to fighting for their marriages. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real to addicts in recovery about—HANGING BACK vs. LEADING OUT. - When an addict in recovery "hangs back" in the marriage, what does that look like? - Checking-the-boxes attitude or "it wasn't on the list." - Waiting for a spouse to apply pressure before taking action; doing the mandatory/minimum - Going into "mopey/victim mode" - 50/50 attitude—all about percentages and fairness- What kind of mindset...2022-05-1024 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages”—Part TwoIn "Part Two," Mark and Steve address a VERY difficult situation for recovery addicts and their spouses—HOW to navigate people and places that are "triggering" (for both the addict and the spouse)—- A review of the people, situations and locations that can be triggering for both spouses.- How an addict in recovery can use "grounding techniques" to successfully navigate through triggers.- How to prepare for triggering situations IN ADVANCE. - How to "get ahead" of triggers as opposed to being blindsided by them.- How to...2022-05-0326 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages"—Part OneOne of the greatest challenges we face as sex/porn addicts in recovery is becoming "defensive" when our partners offer feedback, speak their truth, stand their ground, face triggering people or places, etc. We easily go into fight, flight or freeze and DEFEND ourselves as opposed to "fighting for our marriage"!In "Part One," Mark and Steve share their personal experiences with specifically HOW to go from defensiveness to FIGHTING for their marriages when it comes to—"My spouse is speaking her truth and offering feedback"—how do I handle this in a healthy and connecting way???"...2022-04-2626 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEShould I Just be “OK” with my Partner's Lusting?In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's question about her struggles with her partner lusting after a co-worker— Hello Mark & Steve, My partner and I are currently in reconciliation from sex addiction and we are in our 4th month of monthly couples sessions as well as I recently started individual sessions. We really like our sex specialist, but he tells me to not pay attention to [my partner's] "lusting" and to get out of his head when it comes to the lusting as well. My question is: My partner had betrayed me by lus...2022-04-1218 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow can I KNOW when my Partner has finally Stopped Lying and is Serious About His Recovery?In this episode, Mark and Steve answer a spouse's questions about her addict husband and how she will KNOW that he is serious about recovery and no longer lying—My husband is in early recovery for his sex addiction which he has kept very well-hidden for years. We had our most recent D-Day’s 6 months ago at which time he swore that I knew everything and he was working on changing.. I was seeing a CSAT for betrayal trauma and he was seeing a therapist who specialized in “relationship issues and infidelity” (not my choice). Then I discover...2022-03-2929 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEI Have Discovered My Husband's Relapses More Than a Dozen Times. What Now?In this episode, Mark and Steve address a major challenge faced by many betrayed spouses—they keep uncovering and discovering their addict partner's relapses and bad behaviors. The addict may get some "sobriety" under his belt, but refuses to lead out by proactively pursuing his own recovery work. It seems the only time he does much of anything is when he "gets caught." Here's the situation a PBSE listener presented—i am messaging you from sunny England about my husband who doesn't know if he is an addict or not. He is 42, I am nearly 40 and we have...2022-03-2226 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhen is it OK for my Addict Partner to “Back Off” from His Recovery?How long should a spouse expect her addict partner to keep up his recovery? Doesn't there come a time when he can "back off" to some degree? In this episode Mark and Steve answer an excellent set of questions offered by a PBSE listener. Here's what she had to say—My partner and I have been in recovery since February 2021. Your podcast has really helped pull us through some rough times. We have navigated the "messy middle" and my partner says that now he is in a "good place." He has taken initiative with disclosing slip ups and...2022-03-1525 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEWhat if my Betrayed Spouse Won’t Keep Up?In this episode, Mark and Steve openly and passionately address a PBS listener's situation and questions. Here's what he asked— I have been found out for the eighth time. I am working with my counselor to work on my recovery. She says she’s not sure how much longer she will stay in the marriage. I will not fail to work on my recovery this time. I am in a SAA twelve step group. I will work on myself to make myself a better man. Here’s my question—I truly want to be transparent. However she is not wi...2022-03-0823 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEEpisode 112: As Addicts, We Can Throw Up HUGE Barriers to Recovery and Mending Our Most Important Relationships!In this episode, Mark and Steve address a situation and series of questions from a PBSE listener who is the partner of a porn/sex addict and struggling with betrayal trauma. Here's what she had to say—Hi Mark and Steve. first off thank you for all that you do. my partner and I have been listening to your podcasts lately. I have a few concerns though that I'm seeking input on: he told me he's not in a place of his recovery to be disclosing things to me such as what his fetish was/is. I th...2022-03-0124 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSETV, Movies & Media in a Betrayed Relationship—Part Two: What to do if you are the Spouse.In episode 110, Mark and Steve addressed the responsibility that a recovering porn/sex addict has with regard to TV, movies and media--both for his own recovery and in creating the environment where his spouse can feel safe and heal. In this episode, Mark and Steve get super real about how crazy hard it can be for a betrayed spouse to trust her recovering addict husband around TV, movies, media and in public in general! HOW can a spouse trying to heal from betrayal trauma navigate her spouse's behaviors around media?- Let him own HIS r...2022-02-2228 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSETV, Movies & Media in a Betrayed Relationship—Part One: What to do if you are the addict.Something that can be a BIG issue for couples—when one is a porn/sex addict in recovery and the other is a betrayed spouse trying to heal—is TV, movies and media! A PBSE listener asked Mark and Steve about this—Hi guys! My husband and I are working through his sobriety and our recoveries. We found your podcast and are truly thankful we did, thank you so much!! I had a question regarding boundaries. I have been working on my list but I am struggling with one in particular. When my husband and I woul...2022-02-1527 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Do I Know if My Spouse is an Addict or Not?In this episode, Mark and Steve address a common question submitted by a PBSE listener—I have listened to many episodes of your podcast. They have all been very helpful. My question is: Do you consider every man who views porn an “addict” or “sex addict?” My husband confessed to viewing pornography (no other acting out) for the last two and a half years. He can describe the events that led him to cross that line in our marriage. He has told me on two different occasions that he was tempted and was able to identify the feelings t...2021-09-2123 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEUnhealthy Relationships Can Help Fuel Porn Addiction—How Can You Move from Co-Dependency to Recovery?Growing up, a PBSE listener suffered from an abusive relationship with his father, which was a BIG factor in the development and ongoing struggle with Porn Addiction. He submitted some questions to Mark and Steve—I've realized that improving my relationship with my Dad is key to my recovery. How do I approach him about this without letting out 20 years of anger and resentment? His approach to life is that anyone that can't solve their problems with willpower alone is just weak. What do I tell him then? How do I work through the codependency?In...2021-09-1424 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEDo You STINK at Setting and Enforcing Healthy Boundaries?!A PBSE listener recently sent us this comment and request—You speak of the importance of establishing boundaries. While we understand that each couple is unique can you address more specifically or give examples of what healthy boundaries look like during recovery?Let's get real—based on how we were raised and what was "modeled" to us, nearly all of us have some issues with setting and enforcing boundaries. In fact, a lot of us STINK at setting healthy boundaries! (Mark and Steve REALLY STUNK before learning how to do this!)In this episode, Mark and S...2021-07-2029 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEI’m Engaged to a Porn Addict—What Should I Do?In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who is engaged to a porn addict. She submitted a message through PBSEpodast.com describing her situation: she and her fiance have been together for two years. He has regularly used pornography during that time and she has let him know she is NOT OK with it. He promised he was getting help to quit porn but she discovered he's been lying about that. She also discovered he's been untruthful about other aspects of his life outside of the porn. In addition, she recently discovered text communications b...2021-06-0122 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEHow Inadequate Self-Care Sabotages Your Recovery and Healing!Mark and Steve discuss why Self-Care is SO crucial to overcoming porn addiction, healing from betrayal trauma and mending your marriage. And why it is so often taken for granted or overlooked entirely. Very importantly, Mark and Steve talk openly about their own struggles with self-care and the barriers that often get in the way of this essential element in healing and recovery.Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com2021-04-2731 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEThe Wall Between Betrayal Trauma and Healing/ConnectionIn Episode 66, Mark and Steve explored the walls an addict spouse often throws up in defense against his betrayal-trauma-suffering spouse beginning to "speak her truth."In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about the totally legitimate thoughts, feelings and emotions triggered by Betrayal Trauma that can create a huge barrier to connection and healing. What are the symptoms of Betrayal Trauma? How can these create walls that hinder or completely block out healing and connection? What are the initial steps to begin navigating through Betrayal Trauma on the path to a healthy life and relationships?...2021-04-2025 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSEThe WALL Between Conflict and ConnectionA BIG part of beginning to heal a marriage marred by pornography addiction, is for the addict spouse to provide a SAFE space for the betrayed spouse to honestly and openly express her pain and speak her truth. But when she does, it's very common (for a host of reasons) for the addict spouse to immediately throw up a WALL of self-defense and resistance.In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about the walls they both piled up when their wives tried to be totally authentic and speak their truth. Mark and Steve talk...2021-04-1326 minPorn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSELearning from Mark & Steve's "Recovery Ghosts of Christmas Past"This episode is a kind of "Christmas gift" from Mark and Steve to their listeners. They talk raw and open about how too many Christmas seasons over their decades of deep addiction were anything but merry and joyful! But, today Christmas time is SO MUCH BETTER! Mark and Steve share HOW they and their wives have turned Christmas into a truly enjoyable, peaceful, connecting time. Recovery, healing and Christmas truly can harmonize! Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services...2020-12-2238 min