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Swordboys - Cut x CutConan the Barbarian Part Five - Conan Goes To Burning ManConan is alone now, and meets a wizard, adorned in felt skins, trading Clompy in for a couple of humps. After that, he uses his mime skills and attractive pecs to infiltrate the snake cult cast of 100s! But a pointy white hat isn't enough to disguise the enormous barbarian, and so finds himself face-to-face with his greatest enemy! CROM!Runtime: 00:59:59 - 01:15:502025-05-2759 minSwordboys - Cut x CutConan The Barbarian Part Four - Slapstick DrunksEnter Valeria! Team Coco picks up another warrior to help them infiltrate the very smelly Snakehole Lounge. After that, it's time for booze, breathable gruel and boning! Finally, Conan, Subotai and Valeria are given a fetch quest to the Mountain of Power which might actually be the very place Conan was going to anyway! CROM!!!Runtime: 00:40:20 - 00:59:592025-05-1355 minSwordboys - Cut x CutConan The Barbarian Part Three - Sex With A FireballWarm yourself next to the fire of Swordboys this week as Travis of the Bow returns for Cut 3 of Conan the Barbarian! After Conan gets some d-erection from a wolfwitch, he meets a surfing thief named Subotai and together they go on a black lotus-influenced rampage through Zamora's livestock. This had better not be Haga! CROM!Runtime: 00:29:46 - 00:40:202025-04-2941 minSwordboys - Cut x CutConan The Barbarian Part Two - Quality Flour By CROMWHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? Having a Bowboy like Travis to stop by and discuss Cut 2 of Conan the Barbarian! We start with Young Conan strapped to the Wheel of Pain, where his sisyphean struggles turn him into Arnold Schwarzenegger! Eventually he's tossed in a Thunderbowl to fight for his life against various emissaries of Skeletor. He's trained as a fighter and is rewarded with the pleasures of a woman. Eventually his best friend and slaveowner Tormund releases him and he finds a mysterious cave with a great sword. CROM!!!Runtime: 00:14:57 - 00:29:462025-04-151h 02Swordboys - Cut x CutConan The Barbarian Part One - Baby Conan And His Hot MomLet me tell you of the days of high adventure! The Swordboys return to the Hyborian Age and dust off their Arnold impressions for it is finally time to discuss CONAN THE BARBARIAN! Do we even need to say the 1982 version? Even if it opens with a Kelly Clarkson quote? Of course not, because Jonathan really needs a win this time. Topics discussed are the tragic tale of the father of the sword and sorcery genre, swordmaking, our favorite Nietzsche quotes, the patron saints of Swordboys, who is your favorite hench, Young Conan's Dad, Young Conan's hot...2025-04-0159 minSwordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Ten - Harvey Weinstein Was WrongYou and I have unfinished business. Baby, you ain't kidding, because the Swordboys have finally reached the conclusion of KILL BILL: THE WHOLE BLOODY AFFAIR! Jonathan is on edi-Bills, Robin brings some not-so-fun facts and Rick praises Bill's parenting. They also discuss the infamous car crash, sword songs, thumbsuckers, Superman's secret identity, more reasons why Harvey Weinstein is the worst (is he dead yet?), whether there is streaming in the afterlife, what kind of ending was expected and finally: does this movie get our sword? After that, Jonathan reveals his pick for the next movie! How do I look...2025-03-181h 21Swordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Nine - No One Is Worried About The SnakeThe Swordboys celebrate their two-year anniversary as the now-named Beatrix Kiddo crosses two names off her kill list. Robin acts like a hot mess, Jonathan continues to be a lovable scamp, and Rick figures out a way this movie could have been better. Still, we give Daryl Hannah some props for being a crimefighting activist, and Elle Driver some props for writing all her fun facts and jokes down. Finally, we rattle off some scary facts about sneks. Hisssssssssss!!TWBA Runtime: 02:43:46 - 03:01:53Volume Two Runtime: Confused? Just watch...2025-03-041h 06Swordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Eight - The Three Inch PunchThe Swordboys travel to China with young Beatrix to undergo the "cruetelage of paella", which just may be the training she needs to escape her subterranean cell! Along the way, they discuss important topics such as their favorite pies, double knots, Dead Poet's Society, the best part of a rat, Quentin's nearly-disastrous casting, breakaway flutes, whooshy ponytails, MythBusters, Brian Burgers and, of course, WikiFeet. After so much banter, may we have a glass of water please?TWBA Runtime: 02:19:53 - 02:43:46Volume Two Runtime: 00:39:15 - 01:03:07Confused? Just watch Chapter 8 - The Cruel...2025-02-1857 min
Reel Comic Heroes173 - Mission: Impossible - II with George Hendricks and Jonathan Howell173 - Mission: Impossible - II with George Hendricks and Jonathan Howell WARNING: This episode is very explicit. Welcome back to Reel Comic Heroes—the podcast where we take a deep dive into the best (and sometimes worst) action-packed, comic-inspired, and downright legendary films. Today, we’re tackling a sequel that cranked up the stunts, slow motion, and doves—Mission: Impossible II. Tom Cruise is back as Ethan Hunt, but this time, John Woo is in the director’s chair, bringing his signature style of over-the-top action, intense face-offs, and, of course, some gravity-defying motorcyc...2025-02-122h 08Swordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Seven - Michael Madsen's PoetryWakey wakey, eggs and bakey! The Swordboys head to the strip club for Budd's shift as we finally get into some Madsen Facts. Michael Madsen - actor, poet, hot sauce maker, and Tarantino staple - plays the most conscientious DiVA, Budd, who is now living a humble life with a satisfied mind.
But The Bride is here for a payback that will leave one of them six feet under. Along the way, the Swordboys discuss our stripper names, cowboy hats, balaclavas vs shiesties, and the efficacy of a blast to the chest with rocksalt. Come for the...2025-02-0449 minSwordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Six - David Carradine ArrivesCome hang with the Swordboys as we start the Volume 2 half of the Whole Bloody Affair in desolate El Paso where The Bride and The Groom do a dress rehearsal of death. Arlene’s daddy, a silver miner from Perth, has arrived, flute in hand. But will he give The Bride away, or will this turn into a bloodbath? Give Daddy a kiss as he helps tie the knot.
TWBA Runtime: 01:42:53-01:59:00
Volume Two Runtime: 0:00 - 18:10
Confused? Just watch Chapter 6: Massacre at Two Pines
2025-01-2149 minSwordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Five - Please Choke Me, Go-GoWoo hoo! Time for the Swordboys to drift over to Tokyo and discuss Chapter 5 which is full of gallons and gallons of blood! More blood than a human could realistically geyser out of their body but, hey, Morbius is happy. What else does this chapter contain? Swords! Lots and lots of swords! So many swords that you might not wonder where The Bride pulled hers from. We do know that she's a real blood flicker.
Other topics discussed are what's your Liu View, are there actually 88 crazy people, and are you a sword person or a mall...2025-01-071h 25Swordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Four - Where Does Sonny Chiba Shower?The Swordboys invite you to Okinawa, home of Mr. Miyagi, so make sure to bring your Japanese tongues. The Bride is here for a sword so turn that frown upside down. Topics include subtle restaurant names, Wolfguys, Morbius, the power of strong sake, the importance distinction between bald and shaved heads, underwear and TiVo in the shower, and how Hattori Hanzo created Reddit. Do you understand?
TWBA Runtime: 00:45:36-00:59:00
Volume One Runtime: 00:45:13-00:58:40
Confused? Just watch Chapter 4: The MAN From OKINAWA2024-12-2455 minSwordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Three - 5 Star ReviewsWe're in Cartoonland this week as we explore Chapter 3: the "O-Rengin". O-Ren's background is brutal and bloody, as we see in media revenge. But, is it real or is it legend? Also discussed are hiding under porches, Weekend at Bernie's, The A-Team, Burn Notice, Pretty Woman, the importance of bulletproof glass, and how The Bride got from the hospital to the airport. Also, as a bonus, Jonathan shares some one-star Amazon reviews. Hard part’s over. Now, let’s get these other piggies wiggling.
TWBA Runtime: 00:35:57-00:45:36
Volume One Runtime: 00:35:58-00:45:13
Confused? Just watch Chapter 3: The Origin of O-Ren
2024-12-1057 minSwordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part Two -Eggland's Knuckle TattooGood gravy, Marie! The Swordboys (including a sleepy Jonathan) turn to Chapter 2 of KILL BILL as we encounter some timeline shenanigans with our heroine outlined in chalk on the floor of an El Paso chapel. We are still trying to trace the trajectory of Bill's magic bullet, and get some help from Earl and Edgar McGraw, familiar faces to fans of Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. At Perdido Hills Hospital, Elle Driver accessorizes her eyepatch, and prepares to twist some nerves and kill The Bride in her sleep, but is stopped by Bill, wielding our first sword of the movie...2024-11-261h 06Swordboys - Cut x CutKill Bill Part One - Kaboom!Do you find us sadistic? The Swordboys open the book on KILL BILL with Chapter One: 2. We discuss some of the changes and deleted scenes from The Whole Bloody Affair (but you can still keep up by watching the theatrical cuts). There are so many fun facts and font facts about how Doo Doo Run Run ran Shaw Brothers Studios, our first Umas, how to pronounce "The RZA", how well Dimples hold up a vinyl collection, and what our snake names are. What's yours? Join us as we also add so many referenced movies to our TCBOO list, consider...2024-11-1257 minSwordboys - Cut x CutCrouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Part Six - The Comb ShotFor this final truncated cut, we discuss our wishes for a Jade Fox origin story, some of the best acting we have ever covered so far, and how we would have ended the movie because the way it ends is pretty baffling to us. Also, Robin is incensed by the purple yin, Rick is stunned at how deceitful 8-year-old girls can be, and Jonathan remembers why he never liked this movie.
Finally, as always, we discuss at length about whether this movie gets our sword, and some of the criteria we look for to determine that.
Runtime: 01:39:20...2024-10-291h 03Swordboys - Cut x CutCrouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Part Five - A Succulent Chinese MealIn this cut, the Swordboys finally get to the best 20 minutes of the movie! After experiencing some ear-piercing trills that natively are known as "music", Jen brings her Karen energy to a restaurant where you get the best cod by fighting the toughest person there. Legends like Iron Arm, Ring Sword, Abacus Guy and Fiststick Man try their best to take the girlboss down, and the establishment ends up in ruins as a result.
Speaking of girlbossing, Shu Lien shows us the difference between a boss and a leader when Girls Night at Sun Security ends up...2024-10-1554 minSwordboys - Cut x CutCrouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Part Four - Desert ChickenComb one, comb all as we continue the flashback to Dark Cloud's Mountain Spa, where we find out what happens to falcons that can't deliver messages correctly. Jen is on her eat pray love journey with Lo, where we return to a Swordboys staple: the pre-coitus stabbing. Yup, this is a kissing movie and Jen and Lo meld each other's cultures so much that Jen could eat a whole horse. Back in the present, Lao Che Longfingers is the unwilling participant in a wedding processional that is secretly a Trap. But instead of luring out the Fox, we are...2024-10-0149 minSwordboys - Cut x CutCrouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Part Three - I Didn't Hear No GongWelcome to The Most Talking Cut, which would probably be better with either Sean Connery or arm wrestling. In this cut, you've got Sir T (who pities a fool), Karen Yu and High Energy Action Star Li Mu Bai trying to figure out what to do with a Jade-pilled Jen.
Just when Li thought he was out, some flying wuxia and skadooshing brings him back in. We also flashback to days, months or years ago (who knows), when Jen's caravan was raided by Dark Cloud and the Heartbreakers, but it turns out to be quite the beat-cute...2024-09-1749 minSwordboys - Cut x CutCrouching Talking Hidden Drama Part Two - RossBo Peking ColtraneIf you're bored, you'll be so happy to hear from us as we get into another cut of Crouching Talking Hidden Drama! Mr T pities the fool that stole the Green Destiny, but could Governor Yu be behind it all? Maybe not, but that wanted poster sure looks like his daughter's governess! Speaking of, Jen and Shu Lien become like total besties and Jen is shipping #ShuLiMu on her Tumblr. But Shu Lien is conflicted because of the death to Meng.
But enough about them, because the best part of this movie is Deputy Bo who is...2024-09-031h 00Swordboys - Cut x CutCrouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Part One - The Wiggle Wiggle SwordThe Swordboys are here to say that they know kung fu (movies)! They take a major step down in quality from the last movie to discuss CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON! Buckle up, everybody - they’re about to get everything wrong - from Chinese history to basic pronunciation. They jump aboard the Li/Yu ship. What, Li? No, Yu! Jonathan talks about the time he joined a meditation cult, Rick discusses Shu Lien’s gaslighting/gatekeeping/girlbossing and Robin delivers some audio swordporn. It’s their Green Destiny to talk this film, which brings up topics like Mr. Sword, Swords...2024-08-201h 07Swordboys - Cut x CutMasters of the Universe Part Six - I Have My Sword Back!Sexy Skeletor is now Master of the Universe and we are so happy for him! He has a huge staff, a costume change, a pig nose and a winged helmet that he stole from a Jun warlord. He gloats to Eternia ( Population: 8 ) but now that he is at the top, he is so lonely, something he shares with arch-nemesis, the very greasy He-Man.
The Earthlings arrive and blasters and shotguns are a-blazin'! A moment of silence for Skeletor's most loyal servant, Blade, who can't even die the death of a true Swordboy. He-Man finally has The Power...2024-08-061h 05Swordboys - Cut x CutMasters of the Universe Part Five - Octone RectifierOh gosh, this one is a doozy! We have arrived at the Last of Earth! Cut-out He-Man flies his pizza stone and finally pulls his sword out while Man-At-Arms and Teela shoot questions first and ask blasters later! We learn about Sexy Skeletor bits and the origins of Snake Mounting. Julie Ackbar gets her leg manipulated while Skeletor reminds Evil-Lyn to blast his cache.
We take the space butthole back to Eternia where there’s a really rude robot announcer and Blade gets to be a Whip Boy. Robin starts his Earth First campaign, Rick explains all th...2024-07-2352 minSwordboys - Cut x CutMasters Of The Universe Part Four - Dick ShipWelcome back to the quiet desolate streets of Los Angeles, where the only place open is Charlie's Music Store. After Kevin autotunes his way out of the Collar of Al Jarreau and Gwildor tries on Julie's clothes (because comedy!), it's a race to Charlie's to find out the secrets of the cosmic key. You see, the universe is music and---boring!
Time for a shootout after Evil Lyn's swampboat pulls up. Woman-at-arms Teela shows us her blaster skills and a Ghost Mom makes Jonathan declare that the movie is now officially off-the-rails. But the Superman IV effects bring...2024-07-0934 minSwordboys - Cut x CutMasters of the Universe Part Three - Blasters of the UniverseHey. You like warehouses? Because we are in Pizzabox Alley again in this cut. But at least He-Man finally uses his sword in a movie which should have probably been called "Blasters of the Universe". And Blade has TWO swords and we gotta tell ya - it's pretty terrific.
Other highlights include the "piss moment" of the movie, the arrival of both Pawn Star Ernie and Marshall Strickland, a Triple Tech of the Ep, a discussion of cold vs reheated chicken, and trying to understand why Skeletor's robots come with chins.
Speaking of, Sexy Skeletor...2024-06-2550 minSwordboys - Cut x CutMasters of the Universe Part Two - Good JourneyClear out your gill slits and synchronize your personal locators! It's time to take the space butthole to Los Angeles where we meet Kevin and Julie, who discover a Torktum-proof Japanese synthesizer buried in the ground near Julie's parents!
We also spend some time at Robby's Ribs & Chicken where we learn some not-so-fun facts about what else happened there. There's also bounty hunters: chief amongst them is Swordboy himself Blade! We also find out LA's effect on Teela's diet as well as Julie's connection to The Carlton. And, of course, if you missed him: Sexy Skeletor returns...2024-06-111h 03Swordboys - Cut x CutMasters of the Universe Part One - Sexy SkeletorBy the Power of Greyskull, we finally start to cover a piece of cinematic art with real history unlike our last movie: "MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE". The Gen-Xer Boys and the Baby Millennial Boy talk about their love of the toys they owned and the cartoon they watched religiously back in the old days. However, that does start us "somewhat disappointed" in how those iconic heroes, locations AND SWORD translate to the big screen, as only The Canon Group can. We get into Dolph's line delivery, Frank Lemonjello chewing the scenery, Meg Foster's eyes, Dildo/Blorko/Borgo/Boomer, blasters...2024-05-281h 10Swordboys - Cut x CutThree Musketeers Part Six - A French QuarterThe Swordboys rejoin the insurrection by yelling about arrangements and tracking down exactly whose sword killed Young DARt’s father. Cardinal Richelieu reveals that he’s a GunBoy under those robes (and potentially nude), but luckily Porthos holds x to revive Aramis.
So much swordplay between D'Artagnan and Craptain Roachfort, as well as the titular Three Musketeers saving the future McFlys. Other topics include evil whooshes, dungeon daddies, TPS reports, WiiSwords, death gurgles, and the secrets of the French Quarter. Finally, we shed some musket-tears as we bid adieu to another great sword movie.
But does...2024-05-141h 21Swordboys - Cut x CutThree Musketeers Part Five - It's Not Murder, It's A MeleeThe Swordboys jump on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney to cheer on the murders of all of the crew by Aramis and Platthos, everyone’s favorite bridge troll leading man. Assassin’s Creed is brought up a few times as Milady’s leap of faith becomes notable to the history of Disney, after her stay at the AirBnP. We return to Paris just in time for the Kingceanera, but what’s this?
An insurrection?! Dan Marfield, Wishbone’s biggest fan, joins us this week from A Free Podcast. All for one, and one for all! Runti...2024-04-301h 20
Reel Comic HeroesStar Trek: Insurrection with Jonathan Howell165 - Star Trek: Insurrection with Jonathan Howell There’s so much insurrection-ing happening in this movie we didn’t even know where to start! Thankfully, Jonathan Howell was on loan to us from the Swordboys Podcast to help explain when the insurrection began. Guest Plugs Hear Jonathan over on Swordboys and follow @swordboysdotbiz on TikTok Discuss the episode over on the Facebook group: The Reel Comic Heroes League of Citizens Follow @ReelComicHeroes on Letterboxd Join us for our next movie review - Star Wars - Episode I: The Phan...2024-04-162h 02Swordboys - Cut x CutThree Musketeers Part Four - M'Lady DeWhitakerThe Swordboys return to the tavern to hear Big Brother Athos talk of love and good-natured punches to the face. Next we take a milk bath with a gross tasseled pillow and a horny pope who just wants the Queen to bring him closer to God.
Then it’s off to avoid cannonballs and deliver maximum Star Wars quotes before we wish a hearty RSVP to Whitey Axelrod. Finally, we rate the handsomeness of King Louis’s bangs as well as the hero of this film: Angus the Boy Detective. Liz Whitaker joins us this week on her...2024-04-161h 14Swordboys - Cut x CutThree Musketeers Part Three - Always Be Wenching!The Swordboys travel from the depths of the horny Richelieu’s mancave to a wenching tavern on the outskirts of Paris. We explore questions like “How likable is Chris O’Donnell?”, “How many peasants did Porthos behead?”, “What’s in your sacred snack chamber?” and “Who were Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds?” We are introduced to Whitey, Bitey, Ricky, and Moe, we list our Depard-donts, and also learn about the Musketeers’ sacred rule of ABW. And we are again joined by a fourth Musketeer this week: Niall McGowan from Batminute and Miami Minute! All for one, and one for all!
Runtime - 02024-04-021h 24Swordboys - Cut x CutThree Musketeers Part Two - Platt FactsThe Swordboys return as young DAR'tagnan's father's son continues his quest to irritate every person he runs into with his BDE. We get into some Platt Facts before the Sheen Scene and Aramis's piety (which is great fodder for Bible Boys),as well as how cool Kiefer Sutherland is. We discuss Queen Anne's actual heritage, duel locations according to Google Maps, horse names, future cheeses, rat holes, and murder taverns. Also, we are joined by a fourth Musketeer this week: Travis Bow from Minute of Thieves and Reel Comic Heroes! All for one, and one for all!
Runtime - 00:17:24...2024-03-191h 40Swordboys - Cut x CutThree Musketeers Part One - What Musketeer Are You?Welcome back! The Swordboys are time-traveling from 80s Hyborian Age to 90s Pre-Revolutionary France! This is a time of feathered hats, armored cardinals and iron-masked men parts 1, 2, and 3! And duels! So many duels keep young SwordBoy D'Artagnan busy as he escapes Girard's butlers on the snooty stallion Stabby, who smells like a French horsehouse, and runs into a cavalcade of 90s actors! So much to discuss, like their age, filmography and how realistic their hair is! Join us outside the city by the ruins for another fun season of the swashbuckling Swordboys! And bring a long wooden box. All...2024-03-051h 23Swordboys - Cut x CutRed Sonja Part Six - The Horsegirls CrossoverThe Swordboys return for our final cut of Red Sonja, starting with her first confrontation with Queen Gedren in her throne room. Gedren is unarmed, but thanks to a kind of magic, she finds a sword by the door! The ladies wail at each other like they are holding baseball bats and DJ Wizzo starts throwing down some sick beats. The fight moves to the candleroom where Tarn tries his best to let everyone know he is the star of this movie. But can he even lift, bro? Kalidor sure can! With the queen defeated and her kingdom collapsed...2024-02-201h 04Swordboys - Cut x CutRed Sonja Part Five - Second Most Sword MomentThe Swordboys wake up yet again, but this time to break down some unwanted sexual swordfighting between Sonja and Kalidor, with an assist from Prince Tarn. Soon enough, we are off to pull our spare bones out to infiltrate the mad Queen Gedron's butthole. The lady laughs while her most loyal spider Ikol faces his fiercest enemies: a 9-year-old and a slowly-closing door.
Runtime - 00:59:18 - 01:12:25
2024-02-0652 minSwordboys - Cut x CutRed Sonja Part Four - A Practical Fish PuppetThe Swordboys wake up in their fur coat snuggies to watch Red Sonja teach the young prince how to “hold his sword”. We discuss Falkon: Origins, and marvel at how this movie is just basically Ernie Reyes Jr and a bunch of people who can’t speak English. Next up, Tarn and Falkon consider visiting Hyborian Pawn Stars before they are attacked by a robot fish dragon with a sword tongue! What are its motivations? And is this an action scene or an amusement park ride with zero amusement? Finally, we talk about whether or not we are shipping Sonja...2024-01-2345 minSwordboys - Cut x CutRed Sonja Part Three - All About BrytagThe Swordboys discuss the ins-and-outs of Brytag’s tolls, and discover that his amazingly-armored men just want to watch. A connection is made from the tollmaster to Charlie Sheen, and Sonja is soon impressed by Arnold’s love of a good fight. Then we head to Hawk Forest, where a familiar swordsman with a dazzling hat tortures the young prince for gold he doesn’t have. After a fight that includes swords and martial arts, we find out where the Queen is stashing her Tootsie Pop of Power, and we learn the sad fate of a krait dragon destined to be...2024-01-0953 minSwordboys - Cut x CutRed Sonja Part Two - Clan GoochThe Swordboys return to find our titular heroine training under Clan Gooch! But Sonja is not here to get hugs or make friends. After picking a sword that looks like a wheel of cheese, and jumping on a horse that matches her hair, she joins Calendar, friend to all, to hear the dying words of Varna. Then she is off to find the ruins of a city Queen Gedron would have only half-destroyed if it wasn’t for the smart mouth of a young Master of the World. And hey, Bluto is here too!
Runtime - 00:15:37 - 00:28:122024-01-0249 minSwordboys - Cut x CutRed Sonja Part One - Primo DinoThe Swordboys head to the Hyborian Age where “Dino Di Horrendous” presents a Conan sequel without Conan but also with Conan called RED SONJA! Sonja gets imbued with strength by a mystical fairy for vengeance against the evil Queen Pineapple! But first, top-billed Arnold Schwarzenegger rides our old pal Clompy to save Sonja’s sister from some very overdressed soldiers! Don’t lose your head!
Runtime - 00:00:00 - 00:15:37
2023-12-121h 12Swordboys - Cut x CutHawk the Slayer Part Six - A Suprise DaggerThe Swordboys return to the Abbey one more time (just as the Table of Five are wont to do) to take a nap on its many tables and benches! Is Hawk secretly the Zodiac Killer and how come his sword fighting is mostly slow and unimpressive? Why does Voltan carry a long receipt, what is his love language, and what exactly is his motivation? How does a blizzard, a bamboo reed full of neon green silly string and dozens of ping pong balls help our heroes? Does Amazon deliver packages way out in this boggy forest? Whose body is...2023-11-281h 19Swordboys - Cut x CutHawk The Slayer Part Five - WitchmistHawk and his team must fight Drogo son of Voltan! And it goes pretty well for them, not for Drogo. Our favorite horse actor is back as well.2023-11-1452 minSwordboys - Cut x CutHawk the Slayer Part 4 - Sick BurnThe Swordboys have returned to the Abbey where Sister Monicaaaaaa frustrates Ranulf, Crow broods in the doorway, Tej talks Roman out of his greasy chicken (he honrgy) and Hawk reminisces on the time he was tied to a tree while Elaine dropped some sick burns on Voltan. But eventually, the Table of Five reserve a spot at Jabba’s palace, and Gort gets to play a game. Is it the hokey pokey? God’s teeth!
Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo! Runtime - 00:45:35 - 01:01:05
2023-10-3155 minSwordboys - Cut x CutHawk the Slayer Part Three - Cling Clang Versus Clang ClangThe Swordboys are back to join the Table with no tables. Did you know that the ride to the witch’s cave was spooky? It might also be on Krypton. But it’s time to get the party together! We get a giant played by a tall guy who’s not Shaq, an elf played by a machine covered in tomato soup, and a stinky fish-eating dwarf played by a short guy. And hey, if you’re not a giant, an elf or a dwarf - don’t worry. You are Ranulf. Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo! Runtime - 00:30:35 - 00:45:35
2023-10-1749 minSwordboys - Cut x CutHawk the Slayer Part Two - HexpositionThe Swordboys return for another slow “Casio-nic” gallop through the humid forest. What’s duller? John Terry’s acting or the Mindsword? Yes it’s true. This sword has no edge. Is there a secret Highlander in this film? Is Voltan more Darth Vader or Mr. Spock? Take care, listeners. Watch for us in the night…
Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo! Runtime - 00:14:55 - 00:30:35
2023-10-031h 00Swordboys - Cut x CutHawk the Slayer Part One - My Number One...SwordThe Swordboys are back with another classic 80s sword and sorcery movie: Hawk the Slayer! In our first cut, we discuss the King of Dubbers, the return of our old friend Clompy, the Mindsword, the varied acting of Christian Shephard and W. Morgan Sheppard, Dark Wizards, Skullfaces, glowing crystals, sandwich threats, amazing matte paintings and Jack Palance impressions so terrible that they may pass your understanding! Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo!
Runtime - 00:00:00 - 00:14:55
2023-09-191h 25Swordboys - Cut x CutBeastmaster Part Six - Number One Naomi JunThe Swordboys thought that they ended the movie last week, but what’s this? There is another ending to The Beastmaster? We discuss how well it worked, how “Beastmaster” the ending truly is, the rites of tar, the return of Clompy, sweet jumpkicks and sexy villains. And what would the podcast be without a classic swordfight breakdown between the Beastmaster and Naomi Jun? Heeeeere we Dar! Runtime - 01:41:46 - 01:58:20
Next time: Hawk the Slayer2023-09-051h 15Swordboys - Cut x CutCrossover - Part 2 of The Adventures of Robin HoodIs this a crossover?! Hell yeah it is! We're happy to be talking about The Adventures of Robin Hood with Travis Bow from Minute of Thieves. This is PART 2 so head on over to Minute of Thieves to listen to PART 1.
Lots of swords and hams and Friars and hats!
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/minuteofthieves2023-08-291h 23Swordboys - Cut x CutBeastmaster Part Five - Beasts. Butts and Butter WitchesThe Swordboys (including special guest Murren Kennedy from Point Break Minute and Cast and the Furious) escape from the kingdom of Aruk in Friar Suck’s cart of unlimited hay! But King Zed leads his followers (no freaks allowed) to be captured again! All hope is lost until the Beastmaster and newest beast Clompy race in to rescue, well, most of them, and defeat the evil Maax as we wrap up yet another movie…wait what? There’s more?? Runtime (01:24:19 - 01:41:46)
2023-08-231h 31Swordboys - Cut x CutBeastmaster Part Four - The Skull Cork BathroomThe Swordboys start this cut with the rescue of Kiri from some expendable red priests, but are confused about how their boat works. With some gentle persuasion, Dar agrees to hop in the hay with Kiri...and Tal and Kodo and Podo and Ruh...in the back of Sacco's wagon to infiltrate the pyramid and save King Zed. There they battle red priests, deathguards, deathwarriors and deathsoldiers to escape Maax once again. Bring out the Gimp! Runtime (01:03:36 - 01:24:19)
2023-08-081h 07Swordboys - Cut x CutBeastmaster Part Three - Dar Of Ar Was Looking At The TarThe Swordboys follow Dar to the great matte painting of Aruk, where High Priest Maax is still up to his child-murdering antics after all these years. After Sharak saves the child of a hapless villager, Dar and Ruh run into an ambush. Luckily, Seth and Tal help and our party bands together to save Kiri. In this episode, we talk about voluntary child sacrifice, how great of a god AR really is, creepy eye rings with cauldron Zoom features, Good Times, and familial connections. Why do I smell baby oil? Runtime (00:43:37 - 01:03:36)2023-07-251h 14Swordboys - Cut x CutBeastmaster Part Two - Dye of the Tiger
The Swordboys recover from the raid on Emur, as Dar swears vengeance on the Jun horde for the deaths of his adopted dad and faithful furry companion. Dar oils up, grabs his father's SWORD and kapa and immediately lands in a very 80s deathtrap. But he also gains some new friends on his trek - two ferrets, an eagle, and, yup, Dar has a tiger, too! The zoo crew also runs into a skinny-dipping slave girl named Kiri and a tribe of nightmare nomads called the Flapensteins. Anybody need a hug? Runtime (00:20:59 - 00:43:37)
2023-07-111h 29Swordboys - Cut x CutBeastmaster Part One - Leave The Gourd, Take The SwordWith Connor MacLeod happily retired to the highlands, the Swordboys flip the channels on their televisions to discover "Hey, Beastmaster's On." They soon are pulled into the kingdom of Aruk, where a baby destined to murder the high priest is saved from sacrifice to the god AR by an Emurite villager. The baby grows into the well-oiled musclebound DAR, who has the power to communicate with the animals! Join the Swordboys as we learn about the origins of the story, the interference with production, King Zed's wife's contribution to space travel, turkey vulture method acting, butterwitches, bovine surrogacy, David...2023-06-271h 52Swordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part Eight - Explain The DemonsThe Swordboys conclude their discussion of Highlander and this cut is one long swordfight! Connor MacLeod and The Kurgan finally face off in the ultimate duel for The Prize! Connor’s head explodes! The Kurgan shows respect for a fellow swordboy! Sean Connery sends one last bit of advice from his bathroom! And Brenda surprises us with a new voice talent! If this is the first time you’ve checked out our podcast, well “heh heh heh heh heh….what kept you?” Movie Timestamp: 01:42:08 - 01:56:38
Next up: The Beastmaster (1982)
2023-06-131h 19Swordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part Seven - Connor Buried Ramirez NakedThe Swordboys delicately break down a classic 80s love scene before Connor takes his new girlfriend to the zoo. But we learn that love is a distraction as Connor is off his game and Brenda ends up getting the worst tour of New York, New York ever! Mamma mia! Movie Timestamp: 01:32:54 - 01:42:08
2023-05-301h 21
Reel Comic Heroes154 - Starship Troopers with Jonathan Howell154 - Starship Troopers with Jonathan Howell Do you want to live forever!? Grab your gear and go on a bug hunt with us! It’s time to get into Starship Troopers with friend of the show, Jonathan Howell. Would you like to know more? Then listen to the episode. Discuss the episode over on the Facebook group: The Reel Comic Heroes League of Citizens Hear Jonathan over on Swordboys, The Cast & The Furious, and Minute: Impossible @swordboys on TikTok Join us for our next movie review - Alien: Resurrection...2023-05-242h 17Swordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part Six - Chad KurgenThe Swordboys discover that one of them is related to a character in this movie! Meanwhile, in the Hall of Records, Brenda discovers that Russell Nash’s past is full of dead babies! Moran sees his retirement looming as he is heckled by a heroic hot dog vendor. And the Kurgan, after bullying Nien Numb, makes the hammer fall on two more Star Wars heroes, before trying out a new disguise on holy ground. Happy Halloween! Movie Timestamp: 01:16:35 - 01:32:54
2023-05-161h 37Swordboys - Cut x CutOur First MailbagWe answer our listeners questions as well as swords in the news! Clang Clang!2023-05-0918 minSwordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part Five - John Polito Eating A DoritoThe Swordboys applaud Connor MacLeod for somehow managing to get an angry Brenda to invite him over to her place for a homecooked meal, but he messes it up by being just a bit too creepy. But an immortal’s dating life isn’t all that this cut is about. The past is full of Connor’s secrets - saving Rachel from a Nazi named Jack, going blind in Boston Common, and, sadly, watching his bonny Heather die of old age. Who wants to live forever anyway? Movie Timestamp: 00:59:11 - 01:16:35
2023-05-021h 36Swordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part Four - Hey Now, You're a HighlanderThe Swordboys plunge into the murky depths of a fish tank as well as a Scottish loch, when Connor’s new friend Ramirez puts him through a montage of underwater cackling, uncooperative stags, and, of course, mountaintop sword training! But, as much as he has prepared Connor, will Ramirez be able to face the Kurgan himself? Movie Timestamp: 40:48-59:11
2023-04-181h 43Swordboys - Cut x CutDungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves Review - A Swordboys BonusGrab your lute and hide your loot! The Swordboys are doing a special episode “there can be only one” of - to talk about the new movie “Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves”, better known as DADHAT The Motion Picture! If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t pull out your invisibility amulet yet! We’ve got a spoiler free segment (00:01-15:00) up top before we head into the Underdark! Hold on to your potatoes!
2023-04-051h 17Swordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part Three - Shut Up, Kate!The Swordboys are on the case with Brenda (honorary Swordboy) as she runs into a creepy Russell Nash at a bar and ends up in the middle of a duel at a pipe factory! And back in 1536, Connor MacLeod is betrayed by Kate, but his muck and muscle is just the way that his new love likes it! But, as he is rolling with Heather in the heather, he is rudely interrupted by a Spanish peacock and something called “the Quickening”! Movie Timestamp: 00:26:10 - 00:40:48
2023-04-041h 46
Swordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part Two - Make Swordfights Great AgainThe Swordboys step back in time to cheer on Clan MacLeod as they battle the Brendan Frasers in 1536 Scotland. A Dark Knight arrives who, by means of impalement, causes a rift between the MacLeods and Connor’s sweet wife, Kate. Meanwhile, in 1986, a very wet Russell Nash deals with police harassment while Victor Kruger checks in to the Nien Nunb Hotel, where one can get their butt spanked. Movie timestamp: 00:11:16 - 00:26:102023-03-211h 45
Swordboys - Cut x CutHighlander Part One - Rest In Two PiecesThe Swordboys (Rick, Robin and Jonathan) begin with one of the best sword movies of the 80s and beyond. 1986's Highlander starring Christopher Lambert, Clancy Brown and the incredible Sean Connery is near and dear to our hearts. We discuss the first 11 minutes of the Director's cut in this episode. We're in Madison Square Garden (kind of) in New York City (kind of) We're going to talk about the music, the movie making and the sword fights! Movie timestamp: 00:00:00 - 00:11:162023-03-071h 17
Swordboys - Cut x CutTeaser - Is that a sword?Here they are: the Swordboys. Jonathan. Robin. Rick. Here to discuss the movies that answer one very important question: does it have a sword in it? If it does, you can bet that they will discuss it cut by cut, across multiple episodes, from hilt to tip, sharing their vast expertise in swordsmanship, metallurgy, and swashbuckling. En garde!2023-02-2017 min