Shows
The Virtual CouchLive Q&A with Sydney Overbay: Perception vs. Reality, Emotional Immaturity and Growth, Faith Deconstruction, ADHD & MoreWhat do a therapist dad, his adult daughter, and a live stream full of honest questions have in common? A raw, insightful, and often hilarious live Q&A.In this special live episode, therapist Tony Overbay, LMFT, is joined by his daughter Sydney for a candid conversation that covers everything from emotional immaturity and ADHD to family dynamics, addiction, and navigating a faith crisis.With their signature mix of warmth, wit, and psychological depth, Tony and Sydney explore how perception truly shapes reality (via the Dartmouth scar study), what...
2025-07-281h 14The Virtual CouchThe Self-Care Paradox: Why Putting Yourself First Isn't Selfish and Is “Healthy Narcissism” a Thing? Live QA w/Tony and Mackie OverbayWhat happens when you walk face-first into a wall at the movies? For therapist Tony Overbay, it led to a deep discussion about relationships, self-worth, and the challenges of being true to yourself in a world that often demands conformity.In this engaging episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony is joined by his daughter Mackie for their regular Sunday night Q&A session. After sharing a humorous story about his movie theater mishap (complete with butterfly stitches), they dive into profound conversations about relationships, mental health, and personal growth....
2025-02-171h 21The Virtual CouchLive Q&A with Tony and Sydney - Navigating Mental Health: Highly Sensitive People, Narcissism, Emotional Immaturity, ADHD, and “Good Therapy”In this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, host Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is joined by his daughter Sydney for a live Q&A session originally aired on TikTok. The duo addresses a variety of mental health topics, including ADHD management, the importance of setting realistic New Year's resolutions, and how to navigate emotional boundaries in relationships. Listeners can learn about the differences between CBT and ACT therapy, how to handle emotional immaturity and narcissism in relationships, and practical strategies for dealing with ADHD, such as medication and increasing emotional tolerance. Tony and Sydney...
2025-01-201h 21
Waking Up to NarcissismTransforming or Transgressing? The Thin Line Between Emotional Growth and WeaponizationTony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the misuse of self-help and philosophical principles by the narcissist and the emotionally immature. Tony uses Stoicism and the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca as a backdrop to show how seemingly safe topics like self-care, hobbies, and reasons to focus on the here and now can be weaponized and used as manipulation tactics by the emotionally immature and those who exhibit strong narcissistic traits and tendencies. Tony also provides examples of addressing these misinterpretations and outlines the importance of personal growth, self-reflection, and accepting one's imperfections to achieve a healthier mindset and better...
2024-03-0346 minWaking Up to NarcissismFrom Grandiose to Vulnerable With a Touch of Emotional Immaturity - Exploring Attachment Styles Pt1 of 2Tony zooms in on emotional immaturity, grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, and how they affect relationships. He illustrates these concepts with hypothetical scenarios and emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between healthy ego and pathological defensive narcissism. He also briefly highlights how developing a healthy ego can contribute to personal growth and better relationships. Part two of this episode will dig deeper into the origin stories of narcissistic personality disorder and further explore the different attachment styles.00:00 Introduction and Welcome to the Show00:21 Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism00:43 Exploring Attachment Styles and...
2024-02-2346 minThe Virtual CouchLive Relationship QA w/Sydney Overbay IIThis description and the show notes are brought to you directly from AI, Sydney, and I truly wouldn't sound so silly! This dialogue-based presentation dives deep into the complexities of mental health and interpersonal relationships. With therapy experiences, personal observations, and explored topics ranging from narcissism, ADHD, and addiction to marriage and parenting, Tony and his co-host Sydney guide the audience through poignant discussions. Key concerns include asserting oneself in relationships, dealing with alcoholics, recognizing psychopathic traits, and handling personal issues such as adult ADHD and depression. The conversation also delves into the potent combination of medicine and therapy...
2024-02-161h 12The Virtual CouchLive Relationship QA w/Sydney Overbay I(Description provided by AI, i.e., we’re really not this stuffy) On this TikTok live session, a father-daughter duo - Tony, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and his daughter, Sydney- discuss complicated familial relationships, drawing from a real-life scenario. They elaborate on the perspective of a 15-year-old girl attempting to navigate difficult relationships with her father and his new girlfriend after the death of her mother. The pair extract valuable lessons and give insightful advice about seeking validation, getting emotional support, and making the necessary decisions for one's emotional well-being. They also discuss inherent human behaviors and th...
2024-02-0254 minWaking Up to NarcissismUnmasking Family Roles in a Narcissistic/Emotionally Immature HouseholdTony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the hidden dynamics and assigned roles within dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems. The podcast outlines the roles of the Enabler, the Hero, the Scapegoat, the Lost Child, and the Mascot, all of whom are developed as coping mechanisms to manage family stress and chaos. Each role is reviewed in depth, including the implications for the individual's development, identity, and potential for later life challenges and relationships. The episode also emphasizes the importance of recognizing these roles, seeking therapeutic support, and redefining one's identity beyond these imposed familial expectations.00:00 Introduction...
2024-01-3145 minWaking Up to NarcissismEmotional Whiplash in Narcissistic/Emotionally Immature RelationshipsTony tackles the topic of emotional whiplash in narcissistic relationships. He explores how people can feel loved and appreciated one moment and then demeaned and dismissed the next by a narcissistic partner, leading to confusion and emotional turmoil. Using the story of Sarah and Mike, he unpacks this unpredictable and damaging dynamic. Tony also explains concepts like whole object relations and object constancy and how they become compromised in emotionally immature relationships. He finally provides a broad range of personal experiences from his listeners, further illustrating the impact of emotional whiplash in people's lives.00:00...
2024-01-1737 minWaking Up to NarcissismCan You Ever Express YOUR Feelings to Narcissists and Feel Seen?If you say “it” the right way, will the narcissist ever get “it” whatever “it” is? Tony introduces his 'Five Foolproof Formulas for Navigating Narcissistic Nonsense,' which helps maintain emotional stability and a sense of self in challenging relationships. Tony also critically analyzes a passage from the book 'Rethinking Narcissism' by Dr. Craig Malkin, where he finds a logical inconsistency that might give false hope to 'pathologically kind persons' who constantly try to induce 'aha moments' in their narcissistic partners. He also highlights the concept of differentiation of self and its importance in maintaining one’s emotional stability and sense of s...
2024-01-0956 minWaking Up to NarcissismStill Wondering if YOU Are the Narcissist/Did They Finally “Get it?” - Introducing “Shelf Life”“If I’m asking if I’m the narcissist, then Tony says I’m not!” Tony shares that he receives more feedback on this concept than any other from WUTN listeners. But what happens when the narcissist or emotionally immature person in your life gets ahold of this “script?” Does simply repeating this sentence elicit change? Tony details this question and introduces the concept of 'shelf life', a temporary behavioral change in emotionally immature people. We debate the question, 'If you're asking yourself if you're a narcissist, then are you one?' and touch on the use of therapy or self-help m...
2023-12-2158 minThe Virtual CouchWhen Therapy/Coaching Does More Harm Than Good - The Destructive Nature of Shame and BlameTony tackles the alarming issue of unhealthy practices in therapy, spurred by a recent news article detailing the unethical behavior of therapist Jody Hildebrandt. The article: “A former client of Jodi Hildebrandt says his family and life were 'destroyed' after she spilled details of his sessions to the Mormon Church” - By Rebecca Cohen https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/a-former-client-of-jodi-hildebrandt-says-his-family-and-life-were-destroyed-after-she-spilled-details-of-his-sessions-to-the-mormon-church/ar-AA1hirzA Tony dives into the destructive nature of shame-based therapy, refuting its effectiveness and ethical standing. You'll hear firsthand accounts of the damage shame-based approaches can cause, all the while raising the question: How should therapists trul...
2023-10-2337 minWaking Up to NarcissismThe Confabulation Conundrum: When Reality Gets DistortedHave you ever felt like someone is rewriting history, leaving you questioning your memory and sanity? What if there was a psychological explanation for this behavior? In today's episode, Tony revisits the concept of confabulation. Confabulation is a psychological mechanism where people create false memories or stories, often to fill gaps in their history or to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. We'll examine how this behavior is common among emotionally immature individuals and those with narcissistic tendencies. We'll also share real-life examples to help you recognize confabulation when it happens.Additionally, we'll discuss the principle...
2023-10-1641 minThe Virtual CouchWorry Less, Live More: How to Hit the Happiness Jackpot by Letting GoHave you ever wondered why chasing happiness often leaves you feeling unfulfilled? Or why your need for control seems to be controlling you? Tony answers these questions and more as he dives into the complexities of happiness, control, and commitment through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). He challenges the common notion that happiness is all about feeling good and explores a richer, more meaningful definition of happiness that aligns with our core values. He also tackles the human need for control and certainty, discussing how letting go and embracing uncertainty can be liberating, allowing us to...
2023-10-1138 minThe Virtual CouchWounded by Words? Healing the Scars of Internal NegativityDive deep with Tony as he unravels the origins and implications of our "inner critic." From the evolutionary roots that kept our ancestors safe from predators to the modern-day societal pressures that amplify our self-doubt, discover why our brains are wired to magnify mistakes and how this impacts our mental well-being. Drawing from expert insights, like David Foster Wallace's profound reflections on conscious awareness and Marshall Rosenberg's principles of nonviolent communication, this episode sheds light on the powerful narratives we unconsciously craft about ourselves.Journey through the transformative power of self-compassion, understanding its significance...
2023-10-0553 minThe Virtual CouchDo Babies and Robots Dream? How Dreams Improve Mental Health!Have you ever heard that when a baby, or a dog, or basically any animal is twitching, they are dreaming? But what if that twitching occurs in the womb or from a baby mouse whose eyes haven't yet opened? Tony discusses the article "What Are Dreams For" by Amanda Gefter, https://apple.news/ATyOGpIRDQNOHahTKYECH5Q This episode dives deep into the intricate relationship between dreams and our bodily sensations. Grounded in recent scientific research, we explore how our dreaming minds are influenced by physical signals, including heart rates, vestibular system information, and even muscular sensations. We'll discuss how dreams...
2023-09-2825 minThe Virtual CouchBalancing Heartbeats, Hashtags and Postpartum Depression: Modern-Day Motherhood w/Gayane Aramyan, LMFTTony welcomes Gayane Aramyan, LMFT (https://www.therapywithgayane.com/, https://www.instagram.com/therapywithgayane/), for an enlightening exploration of contemporary parenting. Tony expresses that he genuinely “doesn’t know what he doesn’t know,” as a seasoned (translation “old”) father whose parenting experience hails from a less digital era, as he engages in a candid dialogue with Gayane, a mother of a 3-year-old. They delve into the labyrinth of information that's now at the fingertips of every parent, sifting through the myriad of resources to discern the invaluable from what is sometimes best described as “noise.” Gayane offers a poignant firsthan...
2023-09-0750 minThe Virtual CouchDifferentiation for Dummies: Finding Your Voice in the Relationship ChoirTony explains what the psychology “buzzword” differentiation means and why it is essential to not only be differentiated in your key relationships but also how differentiation, or being able to recognize and separate your feelings and emotions from external influences, like the comments and interactions with others, is a critical component of emotional maturity, and as cliched as it sounds, becoming the very best version of yourself in ALL aspects of your life, and ANY conversation. One listener shares their journey through a candid letter, highlighting the challenges and epiphanies experienced during therapy sessions. From understanding their partner's perspective to n...
2023-08-3141 minThe Virtual CouchWhy We Misunderstand Each Other: An Exploration of Relational FramesTony explains why it is so easy to be misunderstood. He delves deep into the intricate world of Relational Frame Theory, shedding light on the pivotal role frame choice plays in our conversations. Through engaging discussions and real-life examples, Tony highlights the significance of understanding relationships and harnessing the power of curiosity. He touches upon the importance of approaching conversations with good intentions, observing without casting judgments, and navigating the challenges of differing interpretations of words like 'trauma.' By sharing a heartfelt letter from a listener, Tony vividly shows how past traumas shape our present, emphasizing the gaps...
2023-08-2448 minWaking Up to NarcissismBoundaries and Bucket Lists: Reclaiming Emotional PowerIn episode 85 of "Waking Up to Narcissism," host Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives deep into the complexities of relationships entangled with narcissistic traits. The journey begins with a relatable tale about a personalized gift basket, highlighting the significance of emotional connection, safety, and understanding in partnerships. Tony frames a healthy interaction between his wife and him through his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation, emphasizing the essence of curiosity, good intentions, and open communication. A heartfelt poem titled "Desperate Voice" paints the raw emotions of a loveless marriage, furthering the episode's core message of the longing for genuine intimacy. Tony...
2023-08-2345 minWaking Up to NarcissismThe Power of Temporary Connections: Understanding Bridge PartnersTony answers a listener's question about the uncertainty of coming out of a controlling relationship and suddenly recognizing you can be anything you want to be and not knowing where to begin. He then takes on the concept of a “Bridge Partner.” Finding your way through life's relational complexities often introduces us to pivotal figures who can be considered "bridge partners." These unique individuals act as connectors, helping us transition from one emotional or relational state to another. Their role is invaluable; they guide us from places of uncertainty, emotional vulnerability, or even pain to a clearer understanding of ours...
2023-08-1452 minWaking Up to NarcissismDeath By a Thousand Cuts 5 - The MusicalIn the enlightening fifth installment of "Death by a Thousand Cuts," we delve deep into the nuanced world of relationships marred by emotional immaturity and narcissistic behaviors. A dedicated listener, Emma bravely shares her journey of being trapped in a cycle of constantly appeasing her partner, losing touch with her own needs, and struggling with self-worth. Alongside her story, the episode unpacks numerous anecdotes from our listeners. These tales underscore the often-overlooked emotional traumas that accumulate over time, from seemingly trivial disagreements over movie nights and cooking preferences to the more significant dynamics of feeling unheard and dismissed. With...
2023-08-0752 minWaking Up to NarcissismI Want to “Lean In” Into Healing, Growth, Discomfort…But Somebody Needs To Convince My Body!In the latest episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism," Tony Overbay, LMFT, delves into the complexities of building emotional resilience, a key to overcoming past trauma and wounds that may go back to childhood. Contrary to popular belief, changing habits takes time but requires consistent and intentional effort over an extended period. The conversation turns to the importance of emotional intelligence and understanding its role in how we react or respond in situations, especially in relationships where our past experiences and wounds can often trigger impulsive reactions.Tony emphasizes that the path to improved...
2023-07-2552 minWaking Up to NarcissismUnseen Chains: Navigating the Subtleties of Coercive ControlToday we delve into the challenging topic of coercive control and how it shows up in emotionally immature and narcissistic relationships. We explore the fundamental contradiction of control and love, showing how genuine affection and dominance cannot coexist harmoniously. Coercive control is a powerful, often invisible manipulation tool employed by abusers to entrap their victims. This episode also features a mix of light-hearted elements, including a thought-provoking haiku, riddle, knock-knock joke, and Limerick about the complex interplay of love and control. As we transition, we also shed light on the portrayal of control and manipulation in true story movies...
2023-07-1845 minThe Virtual CouchBuilding Bridges, Not Walls: Exploring the Four Pillars of Connected ConversationsTony Overbay, LMFT, delves into his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation and introduces the acronym BASE to help listeners better remember the pillars during conversations. He also shares a new "pre-pillar" or becoming more grounded before entering the 4 pillar framework. The "pre-pillar" is based on Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, emphasizing the need to discern concrete observations from subjective judgments. The BASE acronym is Benefit of the Doubt, Accept Their Perspective, Seek First to Understand, and Embrace the Conversation. These foundational pillars, when applied, can revolutionize how we communicate, fostering deeper connections and healthier r...
2023-07-131h 04
The Virtual CouchAlexa Lovell - One Year After a Devastating Accident, Surviving Setbacks and Diving into the DetailsAlexa (Overbay) Lovell survived a near-fatal accident a little over one year ago. She dives into the details of what the past year has been like, including recovery setbacks, unrealistic expectations, continued frustrations, the reality of potential addiction to pain medications, what the future looks like regarding having children, and much more.
Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet.com/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorders; Dr. Michael Twohig will teach you the industry-standard t...
2023-07-081h 22The Virtual CouchExploring the 5 Types of Narcissism pt 2 of 2 BONUS Murder on the Couch PreviewTony tackles the final 2 of the 5 types of narcissism in part 2 of 2, exploring the 5 types of narcissism. In part 1, he covered Overt and Covert, and he started to discuss Antagonistic narcissism, which led to a separate episode. Today Tony discusses Communal and Malignant narcissism. He references the article "5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Each," Medically reviewed by Jeffrey Ditzell, DO written By Courtney Telloian — Updated on September 15, 2021http://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-narcissism
And stay tuned until the end of the podcast! Tony shares 20 minutes of the first episode of his new “true crime meets therapy” podcas...
2023-07-0855 minThe Virtual CouchThey Really Do Suck the Life Out of You - The "Antagonistic" Attachment of the NarcissistTony goes on a quick tangent between parts 1 and 2 of exploring the five types of narcissists to look into the antagonistic attachment style of the narcissistic person. An “antagonist,” from purely a biological, scientific point of view, is a relationship in which one organism benefits at the expense of another. People in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships can often identify with the concept of playing the role of the organism that provides the benefit to another while losing themselves in the process. Tony references an article by Julie Hall, author of The Narcissist in Your Life https://amzn.to/3LCCy...
2023-07-0832 minThe Virtual CouchThe Power of Community to Combat Addiction - Chandler Rogers on How the Relay App Repels PornTony gives a "state of the union" address on working with people struggling with turning to pornography as a coping mechanism. He then interviews Chandler Rogers, CEO of Relay, an app that helps people stay connected and accountable on their recovery journey. Relay makes it easy to connect with a shame-free support group, an essential tool helping access recovery tools.
Chandler personally overcame a struggle with compulsive pornography use and then used his experience to give back to others by creating a group-based recovery app called Relay for people seeking freedom from unwanted sexual behavior. He built w...
2023-07-0853 minThe Virtual CouchExploring the 5 Types of Narcissism pt 1 of 2Tony tackles the 5 types of narcissism in part 1 of 2. He references the article "5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Each," Medically reviewed by Jeffrey Ditzell, DO written By Courtney Telloian — Updated on September 15, 2021http://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-narcissism
Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://yo...
2023-07-0841 minThe Virtual CouchDr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on Modeling Healthy Relationships, Trust, ADHD, Narcissism, and EFT vs. DifferentiationTony welcomes Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife back to The Virtual Couch for the 5th time! They discuss a variety of topics, including ADHD, the challenge of helping couples envision a version of a relationship they haven't seen modeled or experienced, narcissism and emotional immaturity, and how to help a spouse "lean in" when they see their partner begin to show up differently in a relationship where the spouse had previously felt unseen. They explore Emotionally Focused Therapy, the differentiation models of couples therapy, and the role of self-confrontation not only for their clients but also in their own lives and...
2023-07-081h 07The Virtual CouchExploring Anxiety, Uncertainty, and "Narcissistic Victim Syndrome" w/Bonus HaikuTony talks more about anxiety, uncertainty, and the brain’s adorable desire to make sense of things that often don’t make sense. He reads a haiku and a poem from the women’s private Facebook group, and then he references “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome” from the article “12 Signs You’ve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse (Plus How to Get Help) by Crystal Raypole https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-victim-syndrome#freezing
Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak previe...
2023-07-0842 minThe Virtual CouchIf You Aren't Willing to Have It (Anxiety, Fear, Doubt, Depression et al.) You Will - Understanding AcceptanceDr. Stephen Hayes, the founder of the groundbreaking therapy technique Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), says, “If you’re not willing to have it, then you will.” Have what, you might ask? Anything you are trying to get rid of, from anxiety and depression to fear and loss. So what if the key to overcoming your anxiety was to welcome your anxiety in with arms wide open? You might think to yourself, “I’m willing to do that if embracing anxiety will eventually help me get rid of it!” But if that is why you’re doing it, you will continue...
2023-07-0837 minThe Virtual CouchNavigating the Negative Effects of the Narcissistic (or Emotionally Immature) ParentPeople often stay in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature partners in hopes that it will be better in the long run for the kids. Unfortunately, staying can often send the exact opposite message. Tony reads another poem from his private women's Facebook group and a letter from the son of a narcissistic father. He then shares Karyl McBride's article "How Narcissistic Parenting Can Affect Children" https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-of-distorted-love/201802/how-narcissistic-parenting-can-affect-children Karyl is the author of the book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" https://amzn.to/40P1ZdT
2023-07-0841 minThe Virtual CouchWhat if I Don't Like Marshmallows? Revisiting the "Marshmallow Test" and other Pop-psychology "Myths"Does smiling make you happier? Can you truly predict the long-term success of an adult based on their love, or lack thereof, of marshmallows in their youth? Is depression always linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain? Tony takes a look at 8 popular psychology studies and concepts and shares the latest research on whether or not the findings of the past still hold true. Tony references the article: "Pop psychology: Eight myths that are probably wrong, or at least wildly overly simplistic" by Christian Jarrett https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/pop-psychology-eight-myths-that-are-probably-wrong-or-at-least-wildly-overly-simplistic/
Find all the latest links...
2023-07-0832 minThe Virtual CouchFeeling Stuck? Recognizing the Negative Effects of Regret and Rumination"Regret is a common feeling that has both negative and positive effects," Sian Ferguson from the article "How to Move Past Regret." https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-powerful-exercise-for-moving-past-regret Tony talks about regret and rumination's roles in keeping people stuck in a trauma bond with a narcissist.
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up t...
2023-07-0841 minThe Virtual CouchHabit, Addict or Unconscious Response? The Latest Research on Why We Do What We Do!Did you know that more than 40 percent of everything you do is habitual? Are you addicted to your phone or social media? Or are you simply responding to a well-worn neurological cue/reward pattern? Tony discusses the latest in habit research from the article "How to Conquer Your Primitive Brain" by Adam Piore. https://apple.news/A9pURuj3OQL-UNnUw6bnn9A
Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet.com/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety...
2023-07-0856 minThe Virtual CouchThou Shalt Use Whichevereth Type of Toothpaste Thou Wantest - Breaking the Commandments of Narcissism (Finally!)People in relationships with narcissists, or extremely emotionally immature people, are often convinced, coerced, or controlled into believing that certain universal rules or commandments must be followed to continue in the relationship. In healthy relationships, both people are free to express how they do things and their likes and dislikes. Then if a change is necessary, it comes from mutually respectful conversations. Tony turned to the private women’s Facebook group to receive dozens of rules and commandments that many people kept to keep the peace in the home or because, over time, they believed that these were “universal trut...
2023-07-0846 minThe Virtual CouchDealing with Discomfort In Relationships…and Life!Tony dissects a couple's potentially destructive conversation, examining discomfort and anxiety's role in our relationships. He also talks about the challenges of relying on memory when attempting to have difficult conversations.
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://po...
2023-07-0839 minThe Virtual CouchDana Killion, Author of “Where The Shadows Dance” on Finding Strength When You Feel You Have NoneAuthor Dana Killion joins Tony to discuss her memoir “Where the Shadows Dance,” available for pre-order at https://amzn.to/3yR0gIp Dana’s story is born of a life in turmoil and her husband’s addiction, a situation where the only way through was to write it. And as she wrote, the themes of her personal trauma became clear and loud. They screamed for attention because they are the themes of many women, not just women with an addict in their life, but women who have been silent and have set aside their truth for the benefit of another...
2023-07-0844 minThe Virtual CouchListen to Your Gut: What Your Tummy Tells You About Your Anxiety - Camila Smith, LCSWTony welcomes Camila Smith, LCSW, to the Virtual Couch. Camila is a psychotherapist, educator, and the Chief Clinical Officer of Bekome (http://joinbekome.co). Camila specializes in gut health, with an advanced doctoral focus in mental health and clinical nutrition. Tony and Camila talk about the current state of the mental health system as practitioners which often view mental health as solely in the brain. They discuss a more integrated view of mental wellness, including Camila’s passion for taking a more holistic view, including not only therapy and exercise but, more importantly, nutrition and understanding the role that yo...
2023-07-0841 minWaking Up to NarcissismControl or Love: Breaking Free from Emotional Manipulation in RelationshipsIn today's episode, we delve into the captivating journey of Alex, a compassionate individual entangled in an emotionally manipulative relationship. This narrative vividly depicts his path from self-neglect and pleasing others to asserting his needs and reclaiming his identity. It demonstrates the brave decision to break free from toxicity and embark on a path to self-care, emphasizing the value of boundaries, self-love, and therapy. Listeners will learn about the implications of inconsistent parenting, the importance of emotional bonds, and the detrimental effects of emotional immaturity and pathological kindness in relationships.The episode highlights the...
2023-07-0740 minWaking Up to NarcissismUnderstanding Emotionally Immature and Narcissistic Individuals in Therapy: Insights for Individuals and TherapistsIn today’s episode, Tony delves into the complexities of working with emotionally immature or narcissistic individuals in couples therapy. He explains the challenges therapists face in discerning genuine commitment to change from manipulative behavior, as these individuals can initially come across as charming and convincing. Tony emphasizes the importance of recognizing patterns such as lying, minimizing behavior, love bombing, and maintaining control. He acknowledges that therapists may encounter difficulties in navigating these dynamics and encourages self-confrontation and personal growth. Additionally, Tony urges therapists to be aware of their own countertransference and to advocate for their client's well-being....
2023-06-301h 24Waking Up to NarcissismSurviving the RIDE: Breaking the Cycle of Intermittent Reinforcement in Narcissistic RelationshipsIn today’s episode, Tony delves deep into the hidden mechanisms that fuel toxic relationships. He uncovers the secret life of intermittent reinforcement, how it creates the “trauma bond,” and its powerful influence in addictive and toxic relationships, especially those involving narcissists or emotionally immature individuals. Pulling from the roots of B.F. Skinner's theories on operant conditioning and behaviorism, we'll journey through the ways in which behavior can be conditioned, manipulated, and maintained by external consequences.Get ready for a RIDE - a closer look at how "Reinforcement Intermittently Delivers Emotion," shaping relationships into a...
2023-06-2033 minThe Virtual CouchNavigating Challenges: Lessons of Love and Resilience from Emma's StoryDuff and Keirra Dyer join Tony to share a deeply vulnerable story of their daughter Emma's loss and their journey of unconditional love, parenting, and resilience through the toughest of times. They open up about Emma's early struggles with pornography, the challenges that led them to send her to rehab, and the profound impact it had on Emma and their entire family. Amidst the unwavering love they have for their daughter, they also express feelings of helplessness as they witnessed extended periods of recovery followed by relapses. Despite enduring a heart-wrenching experience no family should endure, they find solace...
2023-06-141h 44Waking Up to NarcissismHealing the Scars: Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse and Reclaiming Self-WorthTony delves into the profound impact of trauma and emotional neglect on relationship patterns. He shares the story of John, who endured a chaotic and emotionally neglectful upbringing with narcissistic parents, only to later marry Sarah, who exhibited similar traits. John's yearning for validation and acceptance kept him trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship, leading to anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness. Breaking free from a narcissistic trauma bond is a challenging journey that demands immense courage and support.The podcast also explores how psychological trauma inflicted by narcissistic partners can take a...
2023-06-1248 minWaking Up to NarcissismAutism or Narcissism? Unpacking Neurodivergent Relationships with Jodi Carlton, MEdIn today's episode, we dive deep into the complexities of neurodiversity and narcissism in relationships. Our guest, Jodi Carlton, brings a wealth of expertise, drawing from over two decades of experience as a therapist, educator, and coach, with a special focus on neurodiversity. She has an intimate understanding of neurodivergent individuals. She has worked extensively with individuals and couples across 13 countries, dealing with a spectrum of conditions, including depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and brain injury.In this conversation, Jodi offers her invaluable insights into the often misunderstood correlations and distinctions between autism and narcissism...
2023-06-0552 minThe Virtual CouchShauna Roberts, LMFT on Anger, Therapy, and the "Tale of Pierre Santray!"Just a few days ago, my friend and former colleague Shauna Roberts, LMFT, suffered an A-Com Aneurysm - a swelling within the anterior communicating artery in the brain that has ruptured.From her daughter, “Miraculously, she made it past emergency surgery where they, amongst other things, put in a coil stint to stop the bleeding. She is currently intubated at St. Luke’s in Boise, where her body is sedated.Her Neurosurgeons have told us it is a miracle that she made it to surgery, to begin with, which we ar...
2023-05-3149 minThe Virtual CouchLet ME Explain Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity to Your Friends, So You Don’t Have To!When asked if Tony had a podcast to refer to people who were moderately interested in learning about narcissism, he said, "of course I do!" And then he couldn't find one. This episode is for those of you who want to try and explain your situation to people you care about who want to know but who a) don't know what they don't know, b) you worry that without a bit of background, they will throw judgment your way and c) don't want to spend a lot of time researching something that they don't believe that they've experienced in...
2023-05-3152 minThe Virtual CouchMcKinley Overbay - When Your Moment of Insane Courage Leads to Big Change…and a Little Bit of Throw UpVirtual Couch favorite and Tony's daughter, McKinley "Mackie" Overbay, joins the podcast to talk about some big changes happening in her life and how she has been able to do difficult, scary things despite having "all of the emotions." You can follow Mackie on Instagram @beautybymackie and mention the Virtual Couch Podcast for $10 off any service with Mackie.
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here h...
2023-05-3144 minWaking Up to NarcissismSanity over Spouse: Crafting Calm Amidst ChaosToday we dig more into the age-old question, "Should I stay or should I go?" And if I'm staying, what are some strategies to help maintain one's sanity? Tony unpacks a poignant email from a listener, shedding light on the subtle nuances of gaslighting - a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists. Through this exploration, you'll learn to identify these underhanded strategies, empowering you to take a step back and view the situation through an informed lens.Tony also shares a captivating story about letting go of the need for validation from a narcissistic...
2023-05-2937 minThe Virtual CouchThe Trust Fall: Catching Hope in Relationships AgainHave you ever felt like a tightrope walker trying to balance your relationship on a fraying rope of trust? Or perhaps you're more of a DIY enthusiast who feels like they've been handed a relationship IKEA flatpack with a few missing screws and no instruction manual? In this episode, Tony dives head first into discussing the fundamental building blocks to rebuild that shaky thing we call trust. We'll talk about the virtues of kindness, the relentless commitment to truth-telling, the importance of upskilling in the art of life partnership, and why being as predictable as a sitcom punchline can...
2023-05-2450 minThe Virtual CouchLove's Rough Draft: Rewriting Unhappy Marriages (aka Relationships Shouldn't Suck!)Tony dissects the article “Divorce Probably Won’t Make You Happier, Study Says” https://www.additudemag.com/happy-healthy-marriage-divorce-adhd-relationship-news/ and shares why phrases like “marital endurance” and “build a good and happy life despite a mediocre marriage” don’t exactly make for the best sales pitch for marriage. He shares what a “mediocre marriage” may be telling you and what a healthy relationship looks like as it matures. Use the following code to purchase the 2023 Sex Summit for only $35 featuring Tony's presentation: Relationship Tools You Don't Know You Need - Tips and Tools Born From 15 Years of Practice w/1...
2023-05-1750 minWaking Up to NarcissismI Don’t Even Know What That Means? Unmasking the Silent Symphony of the Ultimate Gaslighting Guffaw!Have you ever received accusations from a narcissist or emotionally immature person, left bewildered by claims about your words or actions? Have you ever been blamed for instructing your father on roofing specifics when you know nothing about roofs, even though your spouse is a roofer? In this episode, Tony delves into real-life stories from his exclusive women's Facebook group, examining instances where the narcissist or emotionally immature person is clueless about the extent of their gaslighting. These individuals share experiences of being accused of actions or words they genuinely couldn’t have come up with. Alongside these stories, To...
2023-05-1557 minThe Virtual CouchWhy People Stay in Unhealthy Relationships - You Do Deserve to Be Happy!Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships? Many don't believe they are deserving of happiness. Tony tackles this topic using "When You Don't Feel You Deserve to Be Happy" by Robert Taibbi as his muse and a post from his women's private Facebook group. The article can be found at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201901/when-you-feel-you-dont-deserve-be-happy Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where...
2023-05-1245 minThe Virtual CouchEating Chocolate - An Emotional Control Strategy or a Way to Stay Present?Exercise, meditation, prayer, and eating good food all sound like wonderful, emotional-baseline-raising activities. But depending on how you're doing them, they could also be a way to eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings. Tony looks at "creative helplessness" and "emotional control strategies" and how they play into our search for happiness. Tony references Russ Harris' book ACT Made Simple https://amzn.to/3l3NeDJ
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can...
2023-05-1243 minThe Virtual CouchWhen the Student Becomes the Teacher - One Mother Opens Up to Her Adult ChildrenWhat is the best way to support somebody beginning to “wake up” to the narcissism or the emotional immaturity in their relationship but still willing to wait for a miracle to occur? And what if that “somebody” is a parent in a relationship with a step-parent that you’ve never really liked? And what that miracle would entail isn’t entirely clear either. Is it to change their narcissistic spouse or part the seas and provide them a safe passage to emotionally dry (safe) land? Tony reads a listener's question about ways to support a parent in an emotionally abusive rela...
2023-05-1232 minThe Virtual CouchA Cornucopia of Narcissism! Switzerland Friends, Confabulated Memory, Sitting w/Discomfort, Family Roles and More!Tony discusses the differences between false memories and confabulation. He then reads a message from the "women in relationships with narcissistic 'fill in the blank'" Facebook group that leads to a breakdown of "Switzerland Friends," as well as how we deal with discomfort, as well as how "family systems theory" could provide an answer to the difficulty the "pathologically kind" person has in stepping out of their role in the various "families" they are in.
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where...
2023-05-1239 minThe Virtual CouchMaking Sense of the Senseless: Unveiling the World of ApopheniaTony explores the concept of apophenia and its relevance in mental health. Apophenia refers to the tendency of the human brain to perceive patterns, connections, or meaningful relationships in random or meaningless data. While this cognitive phenomenon can be harmless, it can also lead to delusions, paranoia, and other mental health issues, particularly in individuals with conditions like schizophrenia.He delves into the different forms of apophenia, including pareidolia and clustering illusion, and how they relate to mental health. We also discuss how apophenia can be relevant in everyday life, such as in conspiracy...
2023-05-1050 minThe Virtual Couch10 Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship ExplainedTony shares and responds to the article “The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship” by Seth Gillihan, PhD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship Tony also references the article “Attachment Woes Between Anxious and Avoidant Partners,” by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast “Murder on the Couch,” where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0
Go to http...
2023-05-0953 minThe Virtual CouchNarcissism Knows No Gender - When a Man Loves a Narcissistic or Emotionally Immature WomanTony reads two emails from men in relationships with more emotionally immature and/or narcissistic women, and he talks about the challenges a man faces in these types of relationships. Tony references the articles: "Why Men Are More Narcissistic Than Women" by Jeffrey Kluger https://time.com/3734329/narcissism-men-women/ and the often referenced study out of the University of Buffalo, "Study: Men tend to be more narcissistic than women," https://www.buffalo.edu/news/releases/2015/03/009.html
And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," w...
2023-05-0941 minWaking Up to NarcissismExploring the 5 Types of Narcissism pt 2 of 2 BONUS Murder on the Couch PreviewTony tackles the final 2 of the 5 types of narcissism in part 2 of 2, exploring the 5 types of narcissism. In part 1, he covered Overt and Covert, and he started to discuss Antagonistic narcissism, which led to a separate episode. Today Tony discusses Communal and Malignant narcissism. He references the article "5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Each," Medically reviewed by Jeffrey Ditzell, DO written By Courtney Telloian — Updated on September 15, 2021http://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-narcissismAnd stay tuned until the end of the podcast! Tony shares 20 minutes of the first episode of his new “true crim...
2023-05-0755 minThe Virtual CouchDeath By a Thousand Cuts IV (Part 4)Tony shares the 4th installment in the "Death By a Thousand Cuts" series. He gives examples of how being in a relationship with a narcissist or extremely emotionally immature person can feel like "death by a thousand cuts." All of the examples used in this episode come directly from his private women’s Facebook group for women in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people in their lives, whether it is their spouse, parent, adult child, friend, boss, or religious institution. If you are interested in joining one of Tony’s groups for people in relationships with narcissists, please reac...
2023-05-0445 minThe Virtual CouchIs Kindness in Your Genes? The Narcissist/Nice Person Origin StoryTony reads an email from a listener who shares their “waking up” experience and how difficult it can be to break free from a “trauma bond” and stay strong when the narcissist/emotionally immature partner pushes all the buttons to get you back. He also discusses the origins of “pathological kindness” and shares more from Ross Rosenberg’s book, “The Human Magnetic Syndrome.” https://amzn.to/3iRBsvA Tony shares a theory of how the narcissist and the kind person meet based on the article “Discovery: Kindness Gene So Powerful It Can Be Detected by Strangers in 20 Seconds,” https://charterforcompassion.org/discovering-kindness/d...
2023-05-0440 minThe Virtual CouchSimple Phrases that Indicate the Health of your Relationship PLUS Murder on the Couch Preview!Tony discusses the 9 phrases that, if used daily, are strong indicators that “your relationship is more successful” than most from the article “Harvard-trained psychologist: If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, ‘your relationship is more successful’ than most” by Dr. Cortney Warren https://apple.news/AqM_s77doSAm_lfXllM343gAnd stay tuned until the end of the podcast! Tony shares 20 minutes of the first episode of his new “true crime meets therapy” podcast “Murder on the Couch,” co-hosted by his daughter Sydney Overbay. You can watch the episode on YouTube here https://youtu.be/OKi...
2023-05-031h 01Waking Up to NarcissismThey Really Do Suck the Life Out of You - The "Antagonistic" Attachment of the NarcissistTony goes on a quick tangent between parts 1 and 2 of exploring the five types of narcissists to look into the antagonistic attachment style of the narcissistic person. An “antagonist,” from purely a biological, scientific point of view, is a relationship in which one organism benefits at the expense of another. People in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships can often identify with the concept of playing the role of the organism that provides the benefit to another while losing themselves in the process. Tony references an article by Julie Hall, author of The Narcissist in Your Life https://amzn.to/3LCCy...
2023-04-2832 minThe Virtual CouchPain is Unavoidable - Suffering...Not So Much (aka Optional)Pain is unavoidable; suffering, on the other hand, is apparently an option. Most people prefer neither pain nor suffering, but if suffering indeed is an option, how does one get rid of suffering in life? Tony references Jade Wu, Ph.D.'s article "Pain is Unavoidable, Suffering Is an Option" https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-savvy-psychologist/202008/pain-is-unavoidable-suffering-is-option, and he explores Rick Hanson's "Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom," https://amzn.to/3oMF3xsFind all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee...
2023-04-2648 minThe Virtual CouchIntroducing "Murder on the Couch" - True Crime Meets Therapy...Follow Today!Murder on the Couch, a True Crime Meets Therapy Podcast co-hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning The Virtual Couch podcast, as well as Waking Up to Narcissism, and Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A Premium Podcast and his daughter Sydney Overbay, CD (college dropout) is Available Now! Go follow, subscribe and sign up wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find Murder on the Couch on Spotify at https://open.spotify.com/show/6GJQeJxx4elDlcaW21JsvU?si=6787814df8d1409e or Apple Podcasts here https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/murder-on-the-couch/id1684487066
2023-04-2500 minWaking Up to NarcissismExploring the 5 Types of Narcissism pt 1 of 2Tony tackles the 5 types of narcissism in part 1 of 2. He references the article "5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Each," Medically reviewed by Jeffrey Ditzell, DO written By Courtney Telloian — Updated on September 15, 2021http://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-narcissismFind all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can wa...
2023-04-2241 minThe Virtual CouchAll These Fears Will Be For Your Good - Facing the Fear TrapTrue or false? You only use 10 percent of your brain? Albert Einstein was a lousy student, and look how he turned out! Positive affirmations will lead you to self-love and happiness. To get the answers, you'll need to listen to this episode, but (spoiler alert) we are often building meaning and judging ourselves based on stories that aren't true and, in some cases, cause us to feel deep shame and fear. Tony talks about how certain myths around fear stunt our growth and what we can do to resolve our fears and doubts. Tony references "The Confidence Gap" https...
2023-04-1940 minWaking Up to NarcissismExploring Anxiety, Uncertainty, and "Narcissistic Victim Syndrome" w/Bonus HaikuTony talks more about anxiety, uncertainty, and the brain’s adorable desire to make sense of things that often don’t make sense. He reads a haiku and a poem from the women’s private Facebook group, and then he references “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome” from the article “12 Signs You’ve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse (Plus How to Get Help) by Crystal Raypole https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-victim-syndrome#freezingFind all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Co...
2023-04-1742 minThe Virtual CouchIntimacy (aka S-E-X) w/Dan Purcell of "Get Your Marriage On!"Let's talk about S to the E-X, aka "intimacy." Dan Purcell, host of the "Get Your Marriage On" podcast as well as the "Intimately Us" app https://r.intimately.us/tonyoverbay joins Tony to talk about the mission that he, along with his wife Emily, share of strengthening marriages by helping them deepen their connection through both physical and emotional intimacy. They are the creator of the popular "Intimately Us" app that has been downloaded over 300,000 times. They host romantic retreat getaways for couples and host the "Get Your Marriage On! Podcast and coach couples on how to have...
2023-04-1253 minWaking Up to NarcissismNavigating the Negative Effects of the Narcissistic (or Emotionally Immature) ParentPeople often stay in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature partners in hopes that it will be better in the long run for the kids. Unfortunately, staying can often send the exact opposite message. Tony reads another poem from his private women's Facebook group and a letter from the son of a narcissistic father. He then shares Karyl McBride's article "How Narcissistic Parenting Can Affect Children" https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-of-distorted-love/201802/how-narcissistic-parenting-can-affect-children Karyl is the author of the book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" https://amzn.to/40P1ZdT
2023-04-0741 minThe Virtual CouchTeaching Our Kids (and our inner-child) Emotional IntelligenceChildhood abandonment and neglect issues can manifest in seemingly unrelated ways in adulthood. In this episode, Tony helps you identify how they show up and how you can help your kids become more emotionally intelligent and resilient. Tony's muse today is an article by Jonice Webb, a licensed psychologist and author of two books, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect https://amzn.to/3GewB03 and Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships with Your Partner, Your Parents, and Your Children https://amzn.to/3m9fw0B He discusses the impact of emotional abandonment and neglect on...
2023-04-0539 minWaking Up to NarcissismFeeling Stuck? Recognizing the Negative Effects of Regret and Rumination"Regret is a common feeling that has both negative and positive effects," Sian Ferguson from the article "How to Move Past Regret." https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-powerful-exercise-for-moving-past-regret Tony talks about regret and rumination's roles in keeping people stuck in a trauma bond with a narcissist. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0Subscribe t...
2023-03-3141 minThe Virtual CouchAlexa Lovell - One Year After a Devastating Accident, Surviving Setbacks and Diving into the DetailsAlexa (Overbay) Lovell survived a near-fatal accident a little over one year ago. She dives into the details of what the past year has been like, including recovery setbacks, unrealistic expectations, continued frustrations, the reality of potential addiction to pain medications, what the future looks like regarding having children, and much more. Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchInside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet.com/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorders; Dr. Michael T...
2023-03-291h 22Waking Up to NarcissismThou Shalt Use Whichevereth Type of Toothpaste Thou Wantest - Breaking the Commandments of Narcissism (Finally!)People in relationships with narcissists, or extremely emotionally immature people, are often convinced, coerced, or controlled into believing that certain universal rules or commandments must be followed to continue in the relationship. In healthy relationships, both people are free to express how they do things and their likes and dislikes. Then if a change is necessary, it comes from mutually respectful conversations. Tony turned to the private women’s Facebook group to receive dozens of rules and commandments that many people kept to keep the peace in the home or because, over time, they believed that these were “universal trut...
2023-03-2746 minThe Virtual CouchEntrepreneur, Podcaster, Writer or D) All of the Above - Zlatko Bijelic On Taking What Life Gives YouZlatko "Z" Bijelic is an entrepreneur, podcaster, app developer, dog dad, former college soccer player, and foodie. He has now journaled daily for over a year and is also a highly sought-after business coach and consultant. Simply put, while Z may appear like somebody who easily takes's life's lemons and makes them into lemonade, he has been through some really high ups, and really down downs in his life, but he continues to take what life gives him and uses it to change and innovate. You can learn more about Z at www.twitter.c...
2023-03-2351 minThe Virtual CouchThe Power of Community to Combat Addiction - Chandler Rogers on How the Relay App Repels PornTony gives a "state of the union" address on working with people struggling with turning to pornography as a coping mechanism. He then interviews Chandler Rogers, CEO of Relay, an app that helps people stay connected and accountable on their recovery journey. Relay makes it easy to connect with a shame-free support group, an essential tool helping access recovery tools. Chandler personally overcame a struggle with compulsive pornography use and then used his experience to give back to others by creating a group-based recovery app called Relay for people seeking freedom from unwanted sexual b...
2023-03-2253 minWaking Up to NarcissismDana Killion, Author of “Where The Shadows Dance” on Finding Strength When You Feel You Have NoneAuthor Dana Killion joins Tony to discuss her memoir “Where the Shadows Dance,” available for pre-order at https://amzn.to/3yR0gIp Dana’s story is born of a life in turmoil and her husband’s addiction, a situation where the only way through was to write it. And as she wrote, the themes of her personal trauma became clear and loud. They screamed for attention because they are the themes of many women, not just women with an addict in their life, but women who have been silent and have set aside their truth for the benefit of another...
2023-03-2044 minThe Virtual CouchDr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on Modeling Healthy Relationships, Trust, ADHD, Narcissism, and EFT vs. DifferentiationTony welcomes Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife back to The Virtual Couch for the 5th time! They discuss a variety of topics, including ADHD, the challenge of helping couples envision a version of a relationship they haven't seen modeled or experienced, narcissism and emotional immaturity, and how to help a spouse "lean in" when they see their partner begin to show up differently in a relationship where the spouse had previously felt unseen. They explore Emotionally Focused Therapy, the differentiation models of couples therapy, and the role of self-confrontation not only for their clients but also in their own lives and...
2023-03-151h 07Waking Up to NarcissismLet ME Explain Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity to Your Friends, So You Don’t Have To!When asked if Tony had a podcast to refer to people who were moderately interested in learning about narcissism, he said, "of course I do!" And then he couldn't find one. This episode is for those of you who want to try and explain your situation to people you care about who want to know but who a) don't know what they don't know, b) you worry that without a bit of background, they will throw judgment your way and c) don't want to spend a lot of time researching something that they don't believe that they've experienced in...
2023-03-1352 minThe Virtual CouchIf You Aren't Willing to Have It (Anxiety, Fear, Doubt, Depression et al.) You Will - Understanding AcceptanceDr. Stephen Hayes, the founder of the groundbreaking therapy technique Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), says, “If you’re not willing to have it, then you will.” Have what, you might ask? Anything you are trying to get rid of, from anxiety and depression to fear and loss. So what if the key to overcoming your anxiety was to welcome your anxiety in with arms wide open? You might think to yourself, “I’m willing to do that if embracing anxiety will eventually help me get rid of it!” But if that is why you’re doing it, you will continue...
2023-03-0937 minWaking Up to NarcissismWhy People Stay in Unhealthy Relationships - You Do Deserve to Be Happy!Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships? Many don't believe they are deserving of happiness. Tony tackles this topic using "When You Don't Feel You Deserve to Be Happy" by Robert Taibbi as his muse and a post from his women's private Facebook group. The article can be found at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201901/when-you-feel-you-dont-deserve-be-happy Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on...
2023-03-0345 minThe Virtual CouchWhat if I Don't Like Marshmallows? Revisiting the "Marshmallow Test" and other Pop-psychology "Myths"Does smiling make you happier? Can you truly predict the long-term success of an adult based on their love, or lack thereof, of marshmallows in their youth? Is depression always linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain? Tony takes a look at 8 popular psychology studies and concepts and shares the latest research on whether or not the findings of the past still hold true. Tony references the article: "Pop psychology: Eight myths that are probably wrong, or at least wildly overly simplistic" by Christian Jarrett https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/pop-psychology-eight-myths-that-are-probably-wrong-or-at-least-wildly-overly-simplistic/Find all...
2023-03-0132 minWaking Up to NarcissismWhen the Student Becomes the Teacher - One Mother Opens Up to Her Adult ChildrenWhat is the best way to support somebody beginning to “wake up” to the narcissism or the emotional immaturity in their relationship but still willing to wait for a miracle to occur? And what if that “somebody” is a parent in a relationship with a step-parent that you’ve never really liked? And what that miracle would entail isn’t entirely clear either. Is it to change their narcissistic spouse or part the seas and provide them a safe passage to emotionally dry (safe) land? Tony reads a listener's question about ways to support a parent in an emotionally abusive rela...
2023-02-2732 minThe Virtual CouchHabit, Addict or Unconscious Response? The Latest Research on Why We Do What We Do!Did you know that more than 40 percent of everything you do is habitual? Are you addicted to your phone or social media? Or are you simply responding to a well-worn neurological cue/reward pattern? Tony discusses the latest in habit research from the article "How to Conquer Your Primitive Brain" by Adam Piore. https://apple.news/A9pURuj3OQL-UNnUw6bnn9AFind all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchInside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet...
2023-02-2256 minWaking Up to NarcissismA Cornucopia of Narcissism! Switzerland Friends, Confabulated Memory, Sitting w/Discomfort, Family Roles and More!Tony discusses the differences between false memories and confabulation. He then reads a message from the "women in relationships with narcissistic 'fill in the blank'" Facebook group that leads to a breakdown of "Switzerland Friends," as well as how we deal with discomfort, as well as how "family systems theory" could provide an answer to the difficulty the "pathologically kind" person has in stepping out of their role in the various "families" they are in. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on...
2023-02-2039 minThe Virtual CouchDealing with Discomfort In Relationships...and Life!Tony dissects a couple's potentially destructive conversation, examining discomfort and anxiety's role in our relationships. He also talks about the challenges of relying on memory when attempting to have difficult conversations. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on...
2023-02-1545 minWaking Up to NarcissismNarcissism Knows No Gender - When a Man Loves a Narcissistic or Emotionally Immature WomanTony reads two emails from men in relationships with more emotionally immature and/or narcissistic women, and he talks about the challenges a man faces in these types of relationships. Tony references the articles: "Why Men Are More Narcissistic Than Women" by Jeffrey Kluger https://time.com/3734329/narcissism-men-women/ and the often referenced study out of the University of Buffalo, "Study: Men tend to be more narcissistic than women," https://www.buffalo.edu/news/releases/2015/03/009.html And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder o...
2023-02-1341 minThe Virtual CouchListen to Your Gut: What Your Tummy Tells You About Your Anxiety - Camila Smith, LCSWTony welcomes Camila Smith, LCSW, to the Virtual Couch. Camila is a psychotherapist, educator, and the Chief Clinical Officer of Bekome (http://joinbekome.co). Camila specializes in gut health, with an advanced doctoral focus in mental health and clinical nutrition. Tony and Camila talk about the current state of the mental health system as practitioners which often view mental health as solely in the brain. They discuss a more integrated view of mental wellness, including Camila’s passion for taking a more holistic view, including not only therapy and exercise but, more importantly, nutrition and understanding the role that yo...
2023-02-0841 minWaking Up to NarcissismDeath By a Thousand Cuts IV (Part 4)Tony shares the 4th installment in the "Death By a Thousand Cuts" series. He gives examples of how being in a relationship with a narcissist or extremely emotionally immature person can feel like "death by a thousand cuts." All of the examples used in this episode come directly from his private women’s Facebook group for women in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people in their lives, whether it is their spouse, parent, adult child, friend, boss, or religious institution. If you are interested in joining one of Tony’s groups for people in relationships with narcissists, please reac...
2023-02-0445 minThe Virtual CouchMcKinley Overbay - When Your Moment of Insane Courage Leads to Big Change…and a Little Bit of Throw UpVirtual Couch favorite and Tony's daughter, McKinley "Mackie" Overbay, joins the podcast to talk about some big changes happening in her life and how she has been able to do difficult, scary things despite having "all of the emotions." You can follow Mackie on Instagram @beautybymackie and mention the Virtual Couch Podcast for $10 off any service with Mackie. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a p...
2023-02-0244 minThe Virtual CouchEating Chocolate - An Emotional Control Strategy or a Way to Stay Present?Exercise, meditation, prayer, and eating good food all sound like wonderful, emotional-baseline-raising activities. But depending on how you're doing them, they could also be a way to eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings. Tony looks at "creative helplessness" and "emotional control strategies" and how they play into our search for happiness. Tony references Russ Harris' book ACT Made Simple https://amzn.to/3l3NeDJAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter...
2023-02-0143 minThe Virtual CouchYou Say Faith Crisis, I Say Faith Journey - Understanding Both Sides of the Fence of FaithTony shares new information from a recent speaking event addressing the challenges of navigating a faith journey. He talks about how difficult it is to understand any experience in life until you have gone through something similar; how hard-wired we are only to see things through our lens; how "non-violent communication" impacts our ability to separate an observation we have of someone else's behavior from our judgment; our strong desire to avoid feelings of anxiety and discomfort; and how James Fowler's Stages of Faith can provide a framework to understand ones own faith journey, as well as put others struggle...
2023-01-2650 minThe Virtual CouchYou Say Faith Crisis, I Say Faith Journey - Understanding Both Sides of the Fence of FaithTony shares new information from a recent speaking event addressing the challenges of navigating a faith journey. He talks about how difficult it is to understand any experience in life until you have gone through something similar; how hard-wired we are only to see things through our lens; how "non-violent communication" impacts our ability to separate an observation we have of someone else's behavior from our judgment; our strong desire to avoid feelings of anxiety and discomfort; and how James Fowler's Stages of Faith can provide a framework to understand ones own faith journey, as well as put others...
2023-01-2550 minThe Virtual Couch10 Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship ExplainedTony shares and responds to the article “The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship” by Seth Gillihan, PhD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship Tony also references the article “Attachment Woes Between Anxious and Avoidant Partners,” by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast “Murder on the Couch,” where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0...
2023-01-1853 min
The Virtual CouchThe Quarantine Kids Are Back! Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Life In Quarantine Featuring Tony’s Family!Tony welcomes his wife (that’s right, for the first time in 198 episodes Tony’s wife Wendy joins the podcast!) along with his oldest daughter Alexa, 22, and her husband Mitch, 23, his daughter Mackie, who has appeared two previous times on The Virtual Couch, along with nephew Connor to discuss life in quarantine, online schooling, and what the effects of a lack of schedule look like in the areas of sleep, food, and motivation. If any of you are feeling like you’re alone either as the person in quarantine or wondering if the way your family is acting is “normal”...
2020-04-2150 minThe Virtual CouchThe Quarantine Kids Are Back! Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Life In Quarantine Featuring Tony’s Family!Tony welcomes his wife (that’s right, for the first time in 198 episodes Tony’s wife Wendy joins the podcast!) along with his oldest daughter Alexa, 22, and her husband Mitch, 23, his daughter Mackie, who has appeared two previous times on The Virtual Couch, along with nephew Connor to discuss life in quarantine, online schooling, and what the effects of a lack of schedule look like in the areas of sleep, food, and motivation. If any of you are feeling like you’re alone either as the person in quarantine or wondering if the way your family is acting is “normal”...
2020-04-2150 minThe Virtual CouchThe Quarantine Kids Are Back! Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Life In Quarantine Featuring Tony’s Family!Tony welcomes his wife (that’s right, for the first time in 198 episodes Tony’s wife Wendy joins the podcast!) along with his oldest daughter Alexa, 22, and her husband Mitch, 23, his daughter Mackie, who has appeared two previous times on The Virtual Couch, along with nephew Connor to discuss life in quarantine, online schooling, and what the effects of a lack of schedule look like in the areas of sleep, food, and motivation. If any of you are feeling like you’re alone either as the person in quarantine or wondering if the way your family is acting is “normal” during thi...
2020-04-2100 min