Shows
Basic SnitchesIt's Just Sarah and Brian - featuring Adam and TaraApparently everyone is Brian and Sarah today (and naked...and Tara hasn't been invented)...Anyway, if you haven't had enough chaos in your life, here's the missing piece...Basic Snitches Improv Night!!!2025-04-171h 37Basic SnitchesPeople Be Losin' Bodies EverywhereIn this fandom episode, Adam and Tara discuss wild HP theories...some of which we have decided are now canon...ish.Also, in case you didn't know, Snape reads Nora Roberts2025-02-1950 minBasic SnitchesThe Trelawney Dining ExperienceThis is possibly the longest episode in Basic Snitches history that is ONLY Adam and Tara....so buckle in for 2 hours of us reviewing every deleted scene from all 8 Harry Potter movies. We determine which scenes should not have been cut, and which ones we are glad weren't in the movies...also, Fiona Shaw is a treasure.Want to watch the scenes we are watching? Here's the playlist we had on while we recorded!2024-11-282h 00Basic SnitchesTara's Patronus is Still her Own AssBest of Patreon archives-MASHThe complete MASH fates of Adam, Tara, Jean, and Peggy2024-11-1356 minBasic SnitchesChicken Wing Station - Movies 7 & 8 with Peggy Newton and Jean BrennanThe house is once again filled with Slytherins and it's time to talk about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Parts 1 and 2. Though Adam and Tara have spent the last year ripping apart these films, Jean and Peggy are much nicer. In the second longest Basic Snitches episode in history we spend nearly 2 hours with two of our favorites walking through the movies and talking about how much we love Dobby and Hedwig.2024-06-121h 47Basic SnitchesThe Duke of Tara's BoobChapter 32: The Elder Wand -Adam writes one of the greatest things ever written...even though Tara stole all his adjectives. Again.2024-04-2444 minBasic SnitchesThe Pretentious DoorknockerChapter 29: The Lost Diadem - in this episode we ask the important questions: Why are there so many crowns in this series? Why is Cho back at Hogwarts? Why are Adam and Tara so amazing at the word association game?2024-04-0538 minBasic SnitchesDragon is Good Pet, Yes?Chapter 26: Gringotts - if Tara and Adam were wizards they would steal furniture from Parma.The trio and Griphook go on a field trip, Hermione is too friendly and Harry learns a new spell!Justice for dragoon!!!2024-03-1445 minBasic SnitchesHorse ShadowingChapter 25: Shell Cottage -Adam and Tara discuss the importance of wearing crowns for every day tasks and Harry becomes a grandfather.Oh, and "daddy" is an adjective now.2024-03-0733 minBasic SnitchesThe Snitch GameWelcome to the Snitch Game! This is the Basic Snitches version of Match Game and Snatch Game and it's everything you never needed!Starring Natalie as the contestant, and Adam as our host, listen and find out who she will match with!!Will it be everyone's favorite sensible and logical DADA professor, Remus Lupin (Victoria)?Or the Hungarian Horntail with the heavy accent (Ashley)?How about a strangely horny Dobby the House-Elf (Sarah)?Or Natalie's favorite HP character, Hagrid (Dan)?...or perhaps someone a little more evil?2024-01-0431 minBasic SnitchesHarry Touched the ButtChapter 17: Bathilda's Secret- Spoiler: SHE A SNAKE! 😳Also, Adam and Tara finally get One Word at a Time right!! 2023-12-2047 minBasic SnitchesHarry Buries an EyeballChapter 15: The Goblins' Revenge - CAMPING IS FUNAlso, the trio get to be nosy bitches, just like the good ol' days... until Ron leaves like a little bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch (Tara took all Adam's adjectives)2023-12-0145 minBasic SnitchesA Prezzie for KreacherChapter 10: Kreacher's Tale -Tara and Adam need carbs.We finally learn who RAB is (I mean, we knew, but now the Trio knows!) and how he has amazing timing (or else Kreacher would not be alive).Also, can someone please teach us the margarita spell?2023-10-2647 minBasic SnitchesMystery Snitches Theater 3000200. Effing. Episodes.How did we get here?Here you go, Snitches, play this while watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's (Philosopher's Stone) on mute. Our Basic Snitches guests help fill in the correct dialogue.Join Adam and Tara with Ashley, Delia, Dan, Sarah, Natalie, Victoria and Bee for this wild adaptation of the first HP movie! Enjoy, friends!2023-10-122h 34Basic SnitchesLatke ChatChapter 8: The Wedding - Latke chat time!Adam gets his tongue in order and Tara is speaking in a weird southern accent.Barney is a nosy dude and Muriel the Hutt is fucking annoying.Also, Bill and Fleur fuck. A lot. Not necessarily in this chapter but just assume if you don't see them, they're probably fucking🤷♀️2023-10-0546 minBasic SnitchesAnd I Would Have Gotten Away with it Too!Chapter 5: Fallen Warrior - Adam, your wine is ready for pickup!On top of another reminder that the seven Potters was a terrible idea, Adam and Tara also share their Wizardly Weekend of Kent experience (the good, and the ridiculous).2023-09-0748 minBasic SnitchesConfidently Doing a Stupid ThingChapter 3: The Dursleys Departing - This episode features a special guest: Tara's fan!!! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ (It's summer, y'all, and global warming is REAL).It's our last chapter with the Dursleys and we are not sad about it. So then it's our last chance to discuss just how shitty Vernon Dursley is...but we also get to spend some time talking about how Dudley has changed for the better. Also, it is treasonous that they filmed the scene where Dudley and Harry say goodbye to each other and then they DIDN'T PUT IT IN THE FUCKING FILM🙄2023-08-2444 minBasic SnitchesDown with the ThicknesseChapter 2: In Memoriam - Just a reminder that we're all changing our last names to Thickness! Adam and Tara discuss the most effective way to drink wine and are unable to give Rita Skeeter the benefit of the doubt because she's kind of terrible 🤷♀️2023-08-1730 minBasic SnitchesCosplaying as Evil People, or Drinkies and SnakeysChapter 1: The Dark Lord Ascending - Yaxley and Snape take a romantic stroll after getting coffee and take in the sights. Voldy continues his favorite pastime of refusing to admit that Harry has any skills. Nobody has extra shit in the Wizarding World.Oh, and Adam and Tara are back on their bullshit.Welcome to season 7, Snitches!2023-08-1048 minBasic SnitchesThe Half-Brud PlinceChapter 30: The White Tomb -We spend a lot of time in Harry's head but that's honestly better than being around the Pink devil (who comes to Dumble's funeral for what purpose?).We also discuss the complete unimportance of Eileen Prince and how the HBP book was not evil, just misused. Tara even gives Snape a little bit of a pass... 😱2023-05-2644 minBasic SnitchesPsychological Warfare, or Two BonesChapter 27: The Lightening Struck Tower - Even though he's basically on Death's door, Dumble still makes sure to give Baby Death Eater some kudos for doing a good job on his woodworking project. Post Hogwarts, we need the short story series of Draco attending Magical Trade School.Tara is a bad speller but definitely knows how to spell Frenrirrr.Adam, your word is PROTEIN. Also, Frenrirrr isn't even a real Death Eater...he's just a throat-eater2023-05-0446 minBasic SnitchesWeasley is our QWENChapter 24 - SectumsempraAdam's house is hot and Tara is slowly removing clothing.Draco and Harry have a dick measuring contest.Again.Ginny is the actual best.Harry is an idiot.Seriously.WTF Harry.PS. Snape still sucks.2023-04-0647 minBasic SnitchesThe Power of DoChapter 16: A Very Frosty Christmas -We get a thing from the fuuuuuuuuutuuuureeee...(I don't know, some time in October of 2080 or something 🤷♀️).We discuss the abuse of garden gnomes and how the ministry is still garbage. Don't worry, though, Sassy Harry is here to tell the Lion Man about himself.Adam teaches everyone the true power of do and Tara has finally been domesticated.2023-02-0246 minBasic SnitchesEveryone is Drunk and GayChapter 15: The Unbreakable Vow -Everyone is drunk and gay Adam. Tara. And everyone at Slughorn's party.This chapter is cattiness and Christmas parties.Also where is our book about Sanguini the nice vampire who just needs a snack? 2023-01-2652 minBasic SnitchesThe Wizard of Ox - featuring AJ Ryan & Jen Terpstra from Podcast in DeathHAPPY NEW YEAR SNITCHES!This week we are reviewing the reviews with AJ and Jen from Podcast in Death (Tara's other podcast). This time, we just talk about the movies. Some reviewers we agree with and some should probably stay off the internet 🤷♀️Enjoy and get ready to dive back into Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince next week!!!2023-01-041h 01Basic SnitchesHolding Trouts - featuring Ashley BrubakerChapter 11: Hermione's Helping Hand - Let's take a moment to think about the irony of Adam, Tara and Ashley discussing sports. We also discuss how awful it would be to teach Preschool and that wizard preschool would be absolutely out of the question. (here is also where Tara openly acknowledges that she spoke the words "way more better" in this episode and must admit that she hadn't had alcohol yet 🤦♀️).We meet Cormac McLaggen, aka, a whiskey that Ashley would not want to drink..and we agree - this guy sucks. And Ginny (especially in the movie) is kind of...2022-12-0748 minBasic SnitchesDummy Dumb DumbChapter 5: An Excess of Phlegm - Here's a reminder that PrincessPickle69 hates French people... 🙄We discuss how Harry learns some new info on his future -laws, girls are brats, and Ginny is sassy.We play Tara's actual least favorite game and decide that Julia Child invented French food.2022-10-1939 minBasic SnitchesSurprise, He's a CouchChapter 4: Horace Slughorn - We are unprepared. Shout out to HPST for our solution (in which we were also terribly unsuccessful).So we meet Slughorn. That dude is weird and a bit creepy. Harry is sassy (so much sassy Harry in this book!) and Dumble continues to NOT TELL HARRY WTF IS GOING ON 🙄But we finally get Jim Broadbent in the movie, which is delightful... they definitely got Harry WAY wrong (insert Tara ranting about character inconsistencies) but, we actually quite love the rest of the scene ❤️ Also, COVID is a bitch 2022-10-1247 minBasic SnitchesF***ing Up with Good Intentions - featuring Brian O. JacksonChapter 38: The Second War Begins -The final chapter of OotP and Brian is with us again!!!We discuss Harry's good intentions and the horrible results of being too cautious, how terrible Draco continues to be, the ridiculousness of the Hogwarts points systems (where Drunk Tara strikes again 🤦♀️🙄But I guess at least she's confident?), And just how incredibly SAD this chapter is...2022-07-0648 minBasic SnitchesTell Your Snack Cake That!Chapter 36: The Only One He Ever Feared - Soooo, Harry goes off on Bellatrix, gets possessed and then passes out. Dumbledore proves that the gays are the most powerful force on the planet and we discuss the dubious consent in Voldy and Bella's relationship.We also learn where Draco gets his bullying skills.. from his aunt Bellatrix, who is terrible.. (also, note that Tara misspoke and referred to Sirius as Draco's uncle instead of his cousin).2022-06-1536 minBasic SnitchesBeetlejuice BabyChapter 35: Beyond the Veil - So...heads up, the end of this chapter is SAD...Adam and Tara discuss the new things we see as we dive deeper into the Department of Mysteries, as well as the skills (or lack of) the 11+ death eaters who are kind of losing against 6 teenagers 🤷♀️Bellatrix is arguably the second worst villain in the series and, while HBC is brilliant in the role in the movies, it's a bit uncomfortable that so many people love her... because she's pretty terrible, guys.Our game this week is Wrong Answers O...2022-06-0834 minBasic SnitchesThe Talon in the ButterChapter 26: Seen and Unforseen - Somehow we are sober and we manage to sound outrageously drunk...More discussion of awkward teen romance and about how awesome Ginny is.Also, nobody cares about Quidditch... 🤷♀️So much bullying is happening.. from students AND teachers.. 😒Ashley - where is our rubarb crumble? Also, what is that one instrument?Mail delivery time should maybe be reevaluate.Tara has a hot take on occlumeny.Pink Devil is losing her shit and when she thinks she's about to rack up a W, Dumble co...2022-04-0639 minBasic SnitchesSneaky Banana LadyChapter 25: The Beetle at Bay - Time for another Snape rant from Tara!Adam gives his notes from the last two episodes.Teenagers are bad at romance.Also, Valentine's Day is bullshit.2022-03-3054 minBasic SnitchesYou Say OccLUMENcy, I say OCClumency - featuring Daniel HunsickerChapter 24: Occlumency - sadly, Adam is not here this episode, but Dan brings the no pants energy! Editing Adam does make an appearance and Arthur Weasley is promoted to Qwen (Keng?) status 😁 2022-03-1640 minBasic SnitchesToo Many Wands, Not Enough Dicks - featuring AJ Ryan and Jen TerpstraDear reviewers: Stop being pretentious assholes!Signed,People who like romance novels and fantasy stories.This week we are joined by Tara's other co-hosts, AJ and Jen from Podcast in Death. We bring a PID favorite to Basic Snitches as we review the reviews (good AND bad) for the HP series.2022-02-0256 minBasic SnitchesShhhh...SilencioChapter 18: Dumbledore's Army - Important question.. why is it only one year olds that get smash cakes for their birthday?We are all Winky. We drink and we get sad... well at least Tara does...We all need a Room of Requirement...get on that, magical community!2022-01-2744 minBasic SnitchesThe Supreme LesbianChapter 17: Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four -Tara and Adam discuss their theories on Professor Binns then share their own strengths as students.Snape > UmbridgeAlso, apparently the gargoyles can talk.. and they are rude bitches.And Grubbly-Plank has officially reached Qwen status!!2022-01-1945 minBasic SnitchesThere are Two Types of Bitches in the WorldChapter 15: The Hogwarts High Inquisitor Tara comes up with more perfect names to call Pink bitch. Adam's computer screen is very bright.Surprise, Tara rants about how terrible Snape is. McG is the greatest.So, are you a Tarot bitch, or a Tara bitch? A lot of love for Grubbly-Plank in this episode ❤2022-01-0654 minBasic SnitchesI Don't Want to Call Umbridge the Climax...Chapter 12: Professor Umbridge - Chinese food is on its way and we're adding liquor to our alcohol...This podcast was almost called "Have a Biscuit, Potter" after McG's amazing line in this chapter. We complain about Harry's least favorite teachers (who are coincidentally Tara and Adam's least favorite teachers...), Bentley attempts to steal Tara's car and Adam teaches us about Moonstone.Oh..and Umbridge SUCKS. 2021-11-2447 minBasic SnitchesThe Sirius Thing to Do - Featuring Brian O. JacksonChapter 10: Luna Lovegood - IT IS TIME ❤️ We finally get to meet Qwen Luna and we are so happy! We play the worst game ever and Brian ana Tara eat breakfast while Bentley tries to steal Brian's shirt.2021-11-1051 minBasic SnitchesThe OGOotPChapter 9: The Woes of Mrs. Weasley - Just so everyone is aware, Chapter 8 is very important to Tara...Shout-out to Ashley... basically because we love her.Percy sucks. Fudge sucks. Kreacher is rude.2021-11-0447 minBasic SnitchesLow BlowChapter 5: The Order of the Phoenix - Adam knows French. Tara knows French...kinda.Anyway, it's dinner time and Fred and George are immature (but fun) and Mundungus just sucks... (we really hate this guy) we love Tonks....then Harry asks the million dollar question - "So, how's my guy Voldy doin'? Anyone know what he's up to these days?" Things get intense between Molly and Sirius and all the children except Ginny get some deets on what's up with the Order and what they think Cocaine Baby is doing.As always, Lupin...2021-09-2941 minBasic SnitchesEffin' Love ItChapter 2: A Peck of Owls - Tara and Adam fail at clinking glasses. Harry gets lots of letters. Vernon is angry (also he eats mayonnaise from the jar so eww). Mundungus is the worst. Mrs. Figg is the best. Dudley is confused. Petunia knows things. 2021-09-0834 minBasic SnitchesTerrible and Wonderful at the Same TimeChapter 37: The Beginning - Tara has the good snacks. Dumble is great in this chapter until he's not. Poliakoff gets justice; Hermione gets revenge. Draco is irrelevant and Harry just wants a little bit of humor in this fucked up world.Hagrid is the best. ❤️2021-07-1540 minBasic SnitchesFetus Floating Over AlbaniaChapter 34: Priori Incantatem - As if Harry hasn't had enough trauma, Voldy challenges him to a duel and he now has to think about those terrible days when Lockshart tried to teach dueling...Adam quotes The Room (again) and Tara's win from chapter 33 is a major surprise. We are cheering so much for Harry this chapter. He's fantastic in such a dire situation...also, major props to Daniel Radcliffe in the movie. Speaking of the movie, this chapter gets a better grade than virtually any other in this entire book.Voldy has nobody to blame...2021-06-1632 minBasic SnitchesThought MenagerieChapter 30: The Pensieve - Why does Dumbledore insist on leaving Harry alone in his office? So much information to download here with these memories...Igor has always been the WORST and biggest coward, Bagman has always been an idiot, and Crouch has always been...Crouch. Also, the world is broken because Tara wishes for Snape to be in this chapter.2021-05-1943 minBasic SnitchesEveryone at This School Can't Decide if it's Okay to Have EmotionsChapter 27: Padfoot Returns- Tara has a COMFY (SPONSOR US). Snape is the worst. Buckbeak is amazing. Karkaroff sucks. Hermione is badass. Emotions are hard. Get ready for us to hate on this movie (AGAIN).2021-04-2835 minBasic SnitchesThe Firehead ConversationsChapter 19: The Hungarian Horntail... We drink lots of wine in this episode. We found some snacks to go with the wine. Anyway, Harry is stressed and grouchy, which we don't blame him for. Tara and Adam are also stressed and grouchy...because they live in this world 🤷♀️2021-03-0449 minBasic SnitchesThe Firehead ConversationsChapter 19: The Hungarian Horntail... We drink lots of wine in this episode. We found some snacks to go with the wine. Anyway, Harry is stressed and grouchy, which we don't blame him for. Tara and Adam are also stressed and grouchy...because they live in this world 🤷♀️2021-03-0449 minBasic SnitchesThe Firehead ConversationsChapter 19: The Hungarian Horntail... We drink lots of wine in this episode. We found some snacks to go with the wine. Anyway, Harry is stressed and grouchy, which we don't blame him for. Tara and Adam are also stressed and grouchy...because they live in this world 🤷♀️2021-03-0349 minBasic SnitchesI Don't Wanna Deal With Your Corpse Today, Get Back in That BoatChapter 12: The Tri-Wizard Tournament- We're finally back at Hogwarts! Yay! Also quidditch is gone. Yay! Adam makes an appearance and Tara gets mad at a hat.2021-01-0650 minBasic SnitchesAdam and Tara (and Brian) and Prisoner of AzkabanHAPPY NEW YEAR! Start 2021 right with a Basic Snitches adaptation of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! With special guest, Brian O. Jackson.2021-01-0159 minBasic SnitchesThe Basic Snitches, Stephen, and the Chamber of SecretsAs told by Adam and Tara, our Christmas gift to you. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as told by us. Featuring special guest, Stephen Ostertag.2020-12-2553 minBasic SnitchesFunny SuckChapter 10: Mayhem at the Ministry-
We’re tired, honest and fun. And fine. Taking pictures of cats is just part of Tara’s personality.
This is No Pants part II
Adam rudely compares Tara to Draco. Also we get Hermione vs Percy over Winky’s treatment at the World Cup and our girl is AWESOME. Rita Skeeter, however, isn’t WRONG for the most part, but she still a bitch. We continue to dig on the Ministry of Magic’s way of dealing with the World Cup. Also, Molly is incredible and we love her.2020-12-0945 minBasic SnitchesNo Pants EnergyChapter 9: The Dark Mark-
Adam tries to tell Tara how to do winner and loser, AGAIN...we have margaritas and tacos and no pants energy!
Post Quidditch World Cup sportsing fun, Tara attempts a clever twist on a chapter summary and Adam is not impressed
More of Draco being an asshole and Crouch being suspicious in this chapter. We also discuss whether or not the Death Eaters had planned their torturous stunt on the Roberts family.
Hermione is a treasure. Adam is super feisty and challenges Tara in her FMK answers.2020-12-0255 minBasic SnitchesAnd Then They Touch a BootChapter 6: The Portkey- Warning: TARA WILL STEAL YOUR BISCUITS! But not your man...because she is just an innocent potato. Intro to portkeys...so, what piece of garbage would Adam be if he were a portkey? Major Cedric love in this episode. Also, we do not fuck. Thanks.2020-11-1440 minBasic SnitchesTara's Potato BretherenChapter 5: Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes- Even bitches can say nice things to other bitches. Don't worry, we had wine for this. Even though he's annoying, we give Percy some sympathy for being the loner of the fam. Ginny is awesome and she and Ron have all the great one-liners this chapter. Adam brings the witchy bullshit. GET READY.2020-11-0645 minBasic SnitchesGilding the LilyChapter 4: Back to the Burrow- Welcome to us being predictable. Tara is serious way too early in this book. Also, the internet isn't for everyone. PS. Having rights does not mean you can do whatever you want. So...yeah.2020-11-0139 minBasic SnitchesI Found a Dead Person, I Would Like Some Wine PleaseHarry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter 1: The Riddle House- We made it to book 4, Snitches! We are back with our usual BS...This book starts in a new location with a bunch of gossip and muggles stuck in the 1800's...Adam teaches us stuff about divination again and Tara is cheating on Basic Snitches with a new podcast (Podcast in Death- check it out... especially if you are a fan of JD Robb/Nora Roberts)2020-10-0940 minBasic SnitchesI Wanna Be the SquidChapter 22: Owl Post Again- Pause for cookie. Welcome to the final chapter of book 3. Adam has a new cat. He also has a REALLY convincing Tara accent. Also, Brian O. Jackson is back on this episode to read Adam’s thing (and drink wine)- THANKS BRIAN! He also joins for FMK! The Snitches got him drunk!!!
Snape is a child. 2020-09-0443 minBasic SnitchesWormfootChapter 18: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs- This episode brought to you by an unhealthy love of cheese dip, lots of wine and no less than 3 false endings...did you know Adam was voted most dramatic in his high school class? Tara? Umm..most, uh, potato? FMK forces us to make hard decisions... oh, and yes, our Mexican food was delicious, thank you.2020-08-0545 minBasic SnitchesHow Many Plot Twists Is That This Chapter?Chapter 17: Cat, Rat, and Dog- Adam and Tara are together again ❤️ Tara is working on her Adam voice and Tara has written the longest chapter summary of her life. Scabbers is rude and the whomping willow has had ENOUGH. 2020-07-3042 minBasic SnitchesA Trio of Weird MenChapter 16: Professor Trelawney's Prediction- Once again, Tara and Adam request gifts in the form of alcohol...but since Tara is the fan favorite, just send it all to her. In this chapter- exams, more BA Hermione, the return of the invisibility cloak, shenanigans, and some old guys.2020-07-2337 minBasic SnitchesTremoineChapter 15: The Quidditch Final- Happy 73rd birthday to Tara! This chapter has SPORTS in it! You know what that means? Bias and cheating. Awesome. Also, GO HERMIONE!!!2020-07-1742 minBasic SnitchesScoop That PinkieChapter 14: Snape's Grudge- This is a rough chapter for Harry. Also, Snape sucks, which Tara may mention a few times. Send rum to Adam please.2020-07-0950 minBasic SnitchesI Like Birds!Chapter 12: The Patronus- Adam's patronus is a BIRD! Also, Tara can no longer speak words and, as always, Lupin is the best.2020-06-2542 minBasic SnitchesNo Chipotatas for YouChapter 11: The Firebolt- OUR 50TH EPISODE! AWWW YISSSSSS! BASIC SNITCHES FOREVER! Official tagline (for this episode at least): Whatever comes out of my mouth comes out of my mouth. Classy. Also, Adam is tall(er than Tara). 2020-06-1941 minBasic SnitchesChristmassyishnessChapter 10: The Marauder's Map- Berkeley refuses a guest star offer, Adam loves cows, 10 points to Zencastr and the teachers at Hogwarts continue to be irresponsible. Also, Tara still has her email address from 1997 because why not?2020-06-1147 minBasic SnitchesWet SockChapter 9: Grim Defeat- As always, Adam starts recording when nobody is ready...Tara has new toys...awww yissssss!!! And by new toys, we mean an actual microphone for recording remotely. Anyways, this chapter has a lame sleepover (seriously, it's really not fun at all) and teachers who don't understand how to be responsible adults....just another lovely Halloween at Hogwarts!2020-06-0441 minBasic SnitchesThiccumsChapter 8: Flight of the Fat Lady-Wine is Tara's worst enemy while attempting to read Adam's chapter summary. Quidditch makes no since. Still. Madam Pince needs to GET IT TOGETHER. The adults are a mess in this book. Seriously. THANK GOD FOR LUPIN. "Fear is wisdom in the face of danger."-Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat2020-05-2947 minBasic SnitchesAdam Slaughtered the Trelawny CounterChapter 6: Talons and Tea Leaves- Tara has had a bottle of wine and Adam is coming for Trelawny... everyone will be hearing the sound of a cork popping long after the episode ends...2020-05-1445 minBasic SnitchesHow is Nothing on Fire?Chapter 3: The Knight Bus-
Everything is weird right now. FMK ends poorly for Stan...but for SHAN, it's not so bad...Tara steals jokes from Puffs (but really, who ISN'T making Sirius/Serious jokes?!?!). Something is on fire somewhere.2020-04-1534 minBasic SnitchesPomme de TerribleChapter 2: Aunt Marge's Big Mistake- Wine has been consumed and we're back on our bullshit once again...hating on Marge Dursley because, well... because she is TERRIBLE. Also we talk about names a lot because we think we're interesting...and Tara is still somehow a potato.2020-04-0953 minBasic SnitchesI'm Here for Some CroissantsChapter 1: Owl Post- We are back for season 3! Welcome to Basic Snitches and the Prisoner of Azkaban! Harry's birthday is the best one yet! Also, Hedwig is the greatest. Hermione thinks of everything...so nothing has changed there. Arthur needs to learn to lock up his muggle stuff. Write us and name the Hogwarts owl because why the heck not??? RIP Adam's trip to New Orleans and our production of Dearly Departed. THANKS COVID-19..oh, and Tara still works in healthcare, sadly.2020-04-0135 minBasic SnitchesMy Love Language is TacosChamber of Secrets Wrap-Up! Adam and Tara have finished Chamber of Secrets and are already excited to start Prisoner of Azkaban! The Neville Counter is a bust and also this episode is late but we're still out here living our best lives with popsicles and Eff, Marry, Kill... We'll be back with season 3 on April 1st!2020-03-1640 minBasic SnitchesWe Read Two BooksChapter 18: Dobby's Reward-Tara is back...in case you're one of the weirdos that missed her voice...we got though book 2 and mostly we just talk about how terrible Lucius Malfoy is...oh, and Tara points out all the things Adam missed in the last 2 episodes...2020-03-0546 minBasic SnitchesLockshartChapter 16: The Chamber of Secrets- Adam has replaced Tara with Karen from Australia, who is fired pretty much right away... Hermione helps the boys again-even while petrified. Harry and Ron discover that Lockhart is a fraud-which they had already suspected- and after hundreds of years, three 12 year olds are the ones who find Slytherin's secret chamber.2020-02-2042 minBasic SnitchesSpiderland USAChapter 15: Aragog- So...there are spiders...a LOT of them...Adam has nice legs. Tara still can't vodka. Send us your licorice.2020-02-1340 minBasic SnitchesI Can't VodkaChapter 14:Cornelius Fudge- Vodka is maybe not a good idea- at least not for Tara. In this chapter we meet Fudge Packer AND Luscious Boytoy. ALSO, did you know that Adam likes True Crime? Not sure if he's mentioned it before but he's a fan. Hagrid is not sly but we love him so much. Oh, and someone needs to feed Fang!2020-02-0543 minBasic SnitchesChoices Were Made- featuring special guest Stephen OstertagChapter 13: The Very Secret Diary- We're so excited to have Stephen on this very exciting episode! He even wore his Ravenclaw socks! We discuss Cats...and cat humans...and how much Valentine's Day sucks. Basically, just like every other episode...except this time, Stephen is there. Baxter also makes a special appearance...because...well, cats...Stephen and Tara are the same exact depressing person and Adam would like bourbon for every occasion thank you very much. 2020-01-3045 minBasic SnitchesFloatin' PiesChapter 12: Polyjuice Potion- One thing Tara and Adam can agree upon is that pie is the number one in the definitive ranking of dessert. Change our minds. Double Christmas (Triple Christmas in fact) is great. Pie is great. Myrtle is kind of a bully. Draco is not so great. Pie is still great.2020-01-2346 minBasic SnitchesJustice for SnekChapter 11: The Dueling Club- "I would like to say this again in bold this time"...Is Goyle good at potions? Snape causes drama and snowpocolypse ruins herbology. Ron only knows 5 numbers but he also has ALL the great one-liners. Adam's engorgio charm no longer works on Tara's boobs... also Tara threatens Adam with Avada Kadavra no less than 2 times...2020-01-1650 minBasic SnitchesBanana WineChapter 10: The Rogue Bludger- Perhaps it's time we start working on our intro...Tara is old...older than Adam. She's also Harry. And Harry is Switzerland. The cookie is floating and Madam Pomfrey is still the best.2020-01-0945 minBasic SnitchesAdam and Tara and the Sorcerer's StoneSPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED! Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone as told by the Basic Snitches. We're stepping back to season 1 to give you the full first book as told by us through our chapter summaries! Sending love to our listeners and wishing you a beautiful holiday season!2019-12-2555 minBasic SnitchesMoldy HaggisChapter 8: The Deathday Party- We drink wine. Tara calls herself out on her own BS. Adam is the funny one. Why is there no introduction to practical magic class? Adam has a lot of places to haunt just like his girl, Myrtle. Also, he is psychic...2019-12-1942 minBasic SnitchesWhat if I Got Owls?Chapter 6: Gilderoy Lockhart- Time to talk about Adam's favorite character!!!!! Why do owls deliver mail during meals? That's gross. Hermione suddenly has no sense because she thinks Lockhart is great. Adam's cats are jerks, and also, we are not drink enough (or at all) in this episode. Don't worry- we're still ridiculous....2019-12-0536 minBasic SnitchesScreaming is FunChapter 5- The Whomping Willow: Spoiler- screaming really is NOT fun. Tara renames the chapter "We Didn't Think". Trees should always be allowed to fight back. Snape has amazing timing and Adam shockingly still awards points in this episode.2019-11-2844 minBasic SnitchesAnimals are all Good PoopersChapter 4: At Flourish and Blotts- Harry needs to work on enunciation...also, Tara had a weird childhood and once again, we're giving out free advertising... YOU'RE WELCOME TARGET.2019-11-2152 minBasic SnitchesMurder and Gold SmugglesChapter 3: The Burrow - Tara has (probably not) learned her lesson about voice to text note-taking. Ron is pretty great in this chapter, Molly Weasley freaking rocks, finally the Dursleys are out of our lives, and also, YOU'RE WELCOME MICROSOFT FOR OUR FREE ADVERTISING!2019-11-0700 minBasic SnitchesMurder and Gold SmugglesChapter 3: The Burrow - Tara has (probably not) learned her lesson about voice to text note-taking. Ron is pretty great in this chapter, Molly Weasley freaking rocks, finally the Dursleys are out of our lives, and also, YOU'RE WELCOME MICROSOFT FOR OUR FREE ADVERTISING!2019-11-0644 minBasic SnitchesWe Did the Thing! Featuring Special Guest Natalie ZenczakSorcerer's Stone Wrap-Up: Adam and Tara go through their favorite parts of book one and discuss the first movie with new HP fan, Natalie Zenczak! Learn who wins and loses the book, hear Adam award the house cup and see what we're excited for in Chamber of Secrets! We're taking a few weeks off, so we'll catch you Snitches on Oct 9 with the first episode of book 2! Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches2019-09-2547 minBasic SnitchesTwo-Faced SnitchChapter 17: The Man With Two Faces- In the final chapter of the first book, Adam and Tara determine that Ravenclaw should be winning the house cup every year and that Quirrell sucks because murdering an 11 year old should be easier. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-09-1948 minBasic SnitchesBONUS Episode- Meet the PUFFS!Hiiiiiii!!! Adam and Tara take you through the story of the Puffs- a nice, happy, badger-loving group of students who attended magic school with a certain glasses-wearing hero. Guest starring Daniel Hunsicker, Nathan Ott, Kyle Burnett, Sarah Price, Andrew Keller, Jay Sigler, Tessa Gaffney and Brian O. Jackson. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches 2019-09-171h 12Basic SnitchesCliffhangers are GreatChapter 16: Through the Trapdoor- Wizard exams are cool...unless you have to take them while being afraid that someone is going to come MURDER YOU while you're debating on a multiple choice question! Ron is only sometimes good at jokes. Bae is a terrible word. Adam sees growth in the characters. Tara successfully avoids a lawsuit. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-09-1253 minBasic SnitchesAngelina for President!Chapter 11: Quidditch- Tara changes the rules and takes chapter 10's win away from Harry, which is kinda rude. We talk about sports-because we're experts on THAT subject. Snape sucks, Hooch sucks, Ohio weather sucks. Everything is dangerous. Lee Jordan and McG 4EVA!!! Check us out on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-08-0835 minBasic SnitchesJacket PotatoChapter 10: Halloween- Adam gives Tara a new nickname. Draco still sucks and a trio is born. Also, Tara and Adam give a certain Tony Award winning play lots of unnecessary promotion (but also, we mean every word so if you'd like to sponsor us we will gladly talk about how great it is every single episode!) Check us out on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-08-0152 minBasic SnitchesHagrid's CrumpetChapter 9: The Midnight Duel. What dirty things does Peeves write on the chalkboards? What does Madam Hooch even do? How are the security measures at Hogwarts decided? Will Adam and Tara ever pick a tagline??? Uninvited guest- Alexa
Check us out on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-07-2459 minBasic SnitchesMcGonagallin' All OverChapter 7- The Sorting Hat: This episode features special guests Bailey, Betty and Bart-who only add to the fact that Tara has no attention span. Adam gives us a Tarot lesson and Percy is still not a cool kid. Check us out on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-07-1047 minBasic SnitchesYou're a Millionaire, Harry!Chapter 5- Diagon Alley: Or- Get Punched in the Face With Magic!!!! Adam and Tara give each other gifts (aww) and talk about how much they love Hagrid in our longest episode yet. Also, this chapter comes with a parking meter story because why not? Check us out on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-06-2653 minBasic SnitchesThe Tale of Floofy Dinky DuddersChapter 3- The Letters From No One- We establish that Tara isn't a real person and that making up nicknames for Dudley is fun. Check us out on Facebook and Instagram @basicsnitches and take our survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYL8SPW2019-06-1341 min