Shows
The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastAre We Still Good?The Roargasm crew is back in full force to mourn the Lion's pathetic showing against the Sheaguls.Was this just one of those games on the road against the best D in the league? Or did it expose the Roar as a very good but not great team that can't really compete against elite defenses?The Sheaguls D did not sleep on Jared. Instead, they pressured him all game and knocked him around, resulting in J's worst performance in the DC winning era.D.C.'s game-calling magic sputtered, going 0-5 on 4th...
2025-11-181h 22The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastOhio is Ours!This delightful episode begins with Uncle Brother and Deano mercilessly ripping into Lomas for being 30 minutes late to start the recording. Never mind that Lomas was on a call with a very important client! Never you mind what about. Lomas has a business to run!Anyhow, once we get past that nonsense, we celebrate the taking of Ohio! Between the Tigers vanquishing the Guardians (lame-ass name) and the Lions demolishing the Brown Stains and the Bungles/Bungholes, Ohio is now basically a post-apocalyptic territory, its major sports teams laid low, its people subjugated.We marvel...
2025-10-061h 10The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastBasic RoarThe most interesting thing about this mostly pedestrian win was Lomas once again predicting almost the exact score!The Browns D is as good as advertised, and Myles Garett is a beast. But no matter. The Lions did what they had to do to move the ball and shut down the Brown's offense without too much trouble.And so we meander through this episode. Not too much to say. Good to see Hutch rounding into form. Jared once again played mistake-free ball and got the job done. Sun God...
2025-09-291h 20The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastROARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!Due to Rosh Hashanah (the least partying New Year of all New Years), we're a bit late to the game with this episode ...But holy roaring! What an incredible victory!Most of this episode is a blur, but we (of course) revel in the Roar's glorious road win against a really good Cravens team. What we beheld (even Deano, who got a special dispensation from Hashem to watch the game) was roarection-inducing to the nth degree. Dominant O-line play. Sonic and Knuckles galloping through gaping holes. Jared and Sun...
2025-09-261h 23The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Roar Restored!The Roar has been restored!All it took was a 50+ ass whipping of the hapless Care Bears, who are in serious trouble if yet another QB ends up sucking you know what. Donkey balls. Just in case you didn't know.Deano regales us with delightful anecdotes and portraits from Ford Field, where he, World Wide Dock, and Big Don roared through the game in person. It was delightful indeed to see the offense roar once again. Jared was lights out and not slept on...
2025-09-171h 25The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastHere we go ...Welcome to the 7th (!) season of The Roargasm!In this pre-season episode we go completely off the rails.Lomas gives Deano and Uncle Brother permission to kill him if, in old age, he shows signs of dementia. Which gives rise to a discussion of ways to commit suicide appropriate for roaraholics. We work through Uncle Brother's annual pre-season speed round, discussing everything from the Roar's projected record to whether we'll finally celebrate a Bowl victory (yes!) to whether Hutch will dominate (double yes!) and a bunch of other stuff.We end...
2025-08-261h 56The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastIt's OverAs you might notice, I couldn't bring myself to include the score in this episode's title. If you're reading this, you know what happened. No need to agitate the wound.
We open the final episode of a once-glorious season with "The Wreck of Ford Field," sung to the tune of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," setting the tone for the sad discussion to follow.
There are basically two ways of looking at what happened. Either this was it, the window has closed, and the Lions missed their best...
2025-01-201h 21The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastBye Week RoarYes, it's a bye week, but The Roargasm never rests!
We gather the Supreme Roar Council to review the wildcard games and look ahead to destroying the Cockmanders/Cuckmanderes/Commodore 64s this Saturday eve.
We reckon that at home, against a rookie QB, with as many of our guys as possible back from injury, and with the coaching brain trust given a full two weeks to cook up something special, the Roar shall triumph in overwhelming fashion
We nod sagely at the demise of the once mighty...
2025-01-151h 02The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 31 - Viqueens 9: King in the North!ROARRRRR!
WE ARE KING IN THE NORTH!
This jubilant and chaotic episode has it all:
The one and only Fantetti beaming in from the Northwest
Deano joining from the holy city of Jerusalem!
And a full 2 hours of roarection-induced mania in the wake of the Lion's masterful and beguiling dismantling of the Viqueens to capture the NFC North title.
We spend a lot of time marveling at the resurgent D, which held to Queens to three measly field goals.
We prostate ourselves in front of...
2025-01-082h 14The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 40 - 69ers 34: A Perfect Road Roar!With Deano in the Holy Land, we are graced by the presence of Air Low AND the newly dubbed Hairestotle, aka Lil Air, whose flowing locks are indeed a sight to behold.
We begin with a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared, which came to Uncle Brother in a dream.
Air and Hair regale us with tales of their journey to Levi Stadium, a wicked place where the Roar had not won in many a season. They took full advantage of the free and bottomless concessions and felt at one with Roar Nation...
2024-12-311h 45The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 34 - Care Bears 17: A Very Tricky Roar!Ben Johnson is a goddman wizard. Chaotic neutral. His powers of creative deception are off the charts. In fact, there is no chart when it comes to this man's bag of tricks.
We spend a good chunk of this pod marveling at the "stumble bumble" trick play, or whatever the hell it's called, just gobsmacked at the audacity of BJ, Jared, and Sonic to make it look like a fumble (or something) to throw the linebackers off the scent.
And when Jared rose up like a vengeful demon and tossed a perfect ball to Porta...
2024-12-241h 43The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 42 - Suckallo Billcocks 48: SadnessWhat can we say?
The Roargasm crew gets together in person, at Roar Manor (also known as Wallbrook West) in South Haven, MI, only to watch as Marvel Supervillain Josh Allen had his way with our 18th-string D, doing pretty much whatever the fuck he wanted.
A 5-TD, 0-INT, nearly 500-yard game from Jared wasn't enough--the first time that's happened in the history of the damn league.
And just to rub it in, the football gods claimed several more of our defenders, plus MountGomery, who is out for the season.
So...
2024-12-171h 16The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 34 - Pecklers 31: Full Throated ROAR!Banged up defense?
No problem.
Surging Pecklers squad out for revenge?
No biggee.
Going for it on 4th down when already in field goal range?
Of course. And of course we got it, bled the clock, and won the game leaving zero time for the fucking Pecklers to mount a comeback.
Lomas and Uncle Brother record Part 1 of the pod during halftime, when it seemed that the Roar was in total control.
Lomas and Deano record Part 2 on Friday, with full knowledge of all that...
2024-12-071h 35The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 23 - Care Bears 20: A disconcertingly close Thanksgiving RoarWe are thankful for:
--A rare Thanksgiving win
--The Care Bears sucking massive turkey balls at the end of the game
--The o-line and the Sonic/Knuckles ground attack, which remains unstoppable
--DC, BH, BJ and the entire coaching staff
--Penei for refusing to be tackled by the entire Care Bear's defense
--Billy Sims and his 45+ BBQ joint locations
--The Roar being 11-1 for the first time in Roar history
--The brave staff at Wallbrook who are dealing with an inmate revolt and...
2024-11-291h 32The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 26 - Dolts 6: Lomas Live Edition!In this episode:
--Lomas recounts wading into enemy territory, into the fetid bowls of the hellhole known as Lucas Oil Stadium, to support the Roar from way up in the fucking nosebleeds. Among hundreds, maybe thousands, of fellow Roaraholics!
--We spend a little time on what was, as Deano put it, a ho-hum 18-point road win. Nothing flashy. No trick plays or record-setting performances. Just the People Mover moving people and Sonic and Knuckles doing their shit and Jared playing a controlled, confident, if unspectacular game.
--We look ahead to Thanksgiving, a day...
2024-11-251h 56The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 52 (!) - Jagoffs 6: A Roaring Bloodbath!In this episode ...
I mean, what's there left to say? The Roar did what they were supposed to do: beat the absolute shit out of one of the worst teams in the league.
Jared returned to his MVP-level ways, pitching a pretty much perfect game.
The People Mover moved people.
Knuckles and Sonic did their thing.
Sun God shined forth.
Jamo was Jamo.
Branch laid wood.
Za'Darius got .5 of a sack!
We most likely got Doug Pederson fired.
Good...
2024-11-182h 04The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 26 - Texans 23: Roaring Bates Burgers, Batman!And with two 50+ yard field goals, Master Jake Bates has kicked himself into the Lions Kicking Circle of Fame, joining Eddy Murray and Jason Hanson (and probably also Matt Tater) as part of the proud lineage of superlative roaring kickers.
Seriously, Master Bates was incredibly clutch, painting the upright on a 52-yard game-winning boot.
This was easily the Roar's toughest win.
Jared threw 5(!) picks, although only two were legit, and even those seemed like miscommunication instead of sucky throws.
The People Mover stopped moving.
CJ Stroud and co. put...
2024-11-121h 41The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 24 - Pecklers 14: A Rainsoaked Roar!On the road at Lambeau. In the pouring rain. Against a really good (or so we thought) Pecklers squad with a hotshot QB and sturdy Oline. Without our best defender for most of the game.
And guess what? It didn't fucking matter. The Roar did their thing, the Pecklers folded, and we're along atop the division at 7-1. ROAR!
In this diabolical episode, we celebrate what's become routine for the Lions: winning every which way, no matter the circumstances and no matter the opponent.
We Marvel at yet another spectacular Jared performance.
2024-11-041h 34The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 52 - Titans 14: A Pyschedelic RoarCue the sitar music and backwards guitars solo.
This game was a weird, glorious, pyschedelic experience.
Jared had around 80 yard passing.
The Titans rolled up 416 yards of offense and ran 71 plays to the Roar's 47.
Final score? Lions 52, Titans 14 of course!
What the fuck?
We marvel at the statistical oddities of this strange game.
Jared continues to ball out, going 12/15 for 85 yards and 3 TDs, which seems impossible.
Gibbs does his best Sonic impression.
Kind David tosses a TD pass!
The...
2024-10-291h 48The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastA Mighty ROAR!: Lions 31 - Viqueens 29Man, are we in a good mood! The Roar roared a mighty roar and were simply the better team against the Viqueens. Who, to be fair, also played well. The Queens are good! But we're fucking better! For the first time ever in our roaraholic lifetimes, we can claim with absolute confidence that the Lions are better than most teams we play. Mindblowing.
We just can't say enough in this episode about how well the Roar are playing. Jared is on an absolute tear. It's a shock when he throws an incompletion. Gibbs was electric. Sun God...
2024-10-2255 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 47 - Cockboys 9: A Bittersweet RoarLet's start with the bitter.
An otherwise smashing victory was marred by Hutch breaking his fucking leg while sacking Dak. That was horrible and a devastating loss. We wish him a speedy recovery and a full return to destroying opposing QBs.
Now for the sweet!
The Roar put on an offensive display for the ages, absolutely stomping the Cockboys on their own field. Where to begin? Perhaps with the double reverse flea flicker 50-yard TD to LaPorta? Or maybe you prefer Jared's bomb to a streaking Jamo for a spectacular...
2024-10-141h 56The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 42 - Seacocks 29ROAR!
In this episode we celebrate the Lion's long-awaited offensive explosion.
We begin with a reading from a newly deciphered chapter of The Book of Jared.
We honor David Monty's incredible 40 yard scamper.
We marvel at Sun God's "Philly Special" TD toss to Jared.
We speak in awed terms of Jamo taking a simple crossing route pass and turning it into an epic TD.
And of course we fall to our knees in disbelief at Jared's perfect, 18/18 performance.
In short, we're pretty fucking psyched that...
2024-10-021h 44The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions 20 - Cardinals 10: Roaring on the Road!The Roargasm crew breaks down the Lions impressive road win over the Fartinals.
First, Deano improvises a new tune, called "Lady Lomas," that has a lot of potential.
Back to the game ... The good:
The Lions win on the road against a squad that won big the week before.
The Roar defense was great overall.
The Lions offense finally clicked during the first half, looking like the high flying unit we've come to know and love.
The not so good:
--The offense...
2024-09-231h 28The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastBucs 20 - Lions 16: We roar sadly in a minor keyIt truly sucks when your team loses a game they coulda/shoulda won, even though they kinda sucked mid-sized donkey balls, doesn't it?
The Roargasm crew is appropriately subdued after a disappointing loss at home to the Fucaneers, who were missing approximately 98% of their starters in the secondary.
We're mostly concerned that the offense hasn't really clicked yet. Has anyone seen Sam LaPorta? Jared, meanwhile, had to wash the taste of donkey balls from his mouth after the game. What's with the missed throws and horrible interceptions? Something's off. We shall consult the Book of...
2024-09-161h 13The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRoar?Welp, game 1 is in the books, and thanks to the ghost of Bobby Layne it's a W for the Roar.
In this episode:
--We share our game watching experiences
--Uncle Brother shares a bed with a fellow roaraholic
--Deano, having survived the Ford Field frenzy, looks like crap and is barely conscious
--We marvel at how cool it is to have a smash mouth running attack, especially late in games
--We also marvel at Matty Staff, who looked better than ever and could not be stopped
2024-09-101h 26The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRoaring Into a New Season!Hola, Roar Nation!
The Roargasm is back, with a preseason episode that will blow your hair back and give you a roarection the size and duration of which will alarm you.
We review our responses to the annual preseason questionnaire (courtesy of Uncle Brother) to predict the Lion's fortunes.
And guess what?
We're (mostly) all in on the Lions going all the way! Seriously. We know, as lifelong Lions fans, that picking the Roar to win the Super Bowl seems insane. But that's where we are, bitches! It's SB or bust...
2024-09-041h 14The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastOffseason Check-inWhat's this? An offseason pod?
Hell yeah!
Deano, Uncle B, and Lomas are in peak offseason form for this low-energy episode. All we can really say is that Brad Holmes and DC have our unmitigated trust that they're making the right moves to shore up the D, stabilize the O line after the departure of Jonah Jackson, and generally keep things humming.
Query: Is next season Super Bowl or bust? Will anything less than a Bowl appearance equate to a failure? Seems unfathomable, right? Yet, here we are.
Another burning question...
2024-03-271h 04The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRoaring Toward Next YearWhere to begin?
With a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared, of course.
Lomas was AT THE GAME and lived to tell the tale.
Brad Johnson is coming back for another run at a chip!
Anyway, there are basically two ways to look at what happened: 1) The Lions had the game in hand and blew it, squandering a chance to go to the GODDAMN SUPER BOWL!; 2) The Lions are still a year or so away and needed to go through the agony of defeat to take the next step.
2024-01-311h 56The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWelcome to Uncharted TerritoryHo hum. The Detroit Lions won another playoff game, at home against the Fuccaneers. No big deal, nothing to see here. EXCEPT THAT THE LIONS ARE PLAYING IN THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP!
We were the better team. We were at home. We were favored. And so of course we SHOULD have won. But damn, after 30 solid years of ineptitude and dashed dreams, it was hard to harbor too much hope.
And yet here we are. On to San Fran, a very scary and formidable team against whom we have absolutely nothing to lose. Anything is possible...
2024-01-221h 15The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastHallelujah!: Post-gameIt only took 30 years ... 3 solid decades of broken hopes and dreams ... multiple generations of roaraholics passing on the disease from father to son ... But, as God is our witness ...
THE DETROIT LIONS WON A GODDAMN PLAYOFF GAME!
Air-Low and Deano (all the way from the Holy Land!) phone in to help us process this historic moment. The game was about as good as it gets. Both teams balling out, doing their thing. Matty Staff was great, slinging no-look sidewinders all over the field. Jared was even better, remaining calm...
2024-01-2158 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastHallelujah!: GameYes, Lomas and Uncle Brother kept recording throughout the entire game. This one's for the truly hopeless roaraholics. Meaning anyone listening to this podcast. So, dive in, guys! See you on the other, glorious side!
2024-01-212h 38The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastHallelujah!: Pre-gameUncle Brother and Lomas make the pilgrimage to South Haven to witness the most important Lions game in 30 years. We do all we can to keep our shit together as game time approaches.
2024-01-2133 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Lost Episode (Tropical Island Edition)Recorded on a tropical Island, this infamous lost episode is finally unearthed and published!
To recap, Lomas and Deano were in the British Virgin Islands for a Wallbrook-mandated Roar detox program. Which did not work, since we watched the Roar once again get jobbed in Dallas by the Cockboys and the worst reffing crew in the NFL.
While Deano was away snorkeling, Lomas recorded from the beach with Uncle Brother, in the cold, windy (possibly also snowy) Chicagoland area. The idea was to record with Deano later, which never happened.
Anyhow, we bemoan...
2024-01-0955 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastBring on the Lambs!That's right! Lambs! That's what we think of the pretty boys from LA coming into OUR HOUSE in the D!
Lomas has returned from the tropics, but Deano has once again set off, this time to Israel, to score some contraband Ejaculions. So, it's just Lomas and Uncle Brother this time. Until, that is, the bold entrance of none other than Air-Low! Like a wrestler storming the ring back in the days of Hillbilly Jim and The Iron Sheik!
We somehow simultaneously look back to the win against the Cockrings AND ahead...
2024-01-091h 28The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastKings in the North!Welp, it only took 30 years, but the Roar are once again Kings in the North! Long live the King!
The Roargasm crew celebrates the Roar marching into Minnesota and taking down the Cockrings. Yes, our donkey ball sucking D gave up big yards to their 12th string QB, but we also picked him off 4 times. That dude is an all-time chucker, as likely to throw a Kenny Wobbler as he is to thread a 30-yard strike for a TD.
The offense, meanwhile, after a couple of shaky possessions, got going and did what they had...
2023-12-281h 30The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastDown go the Donkeys!This very special episode features a very special guest: the one and only Fantetti, he of the scalding hot takes and world-weary cynicism. Uncle Brother opens with a 100% factually accurate biography of Fantetti and how he came to spew a non-stop torrent of anti-Lions (and anti-Pistons) vitriol. But even Fantetti joins in as we celebrate the Lions beatdown of the Donkeys (our name for the Broncos--we couldn't come up with a name with "cock" in it. Sorry). A bit of controversy brews as Lomas and Fantetti team up to cast doubt on Jared's long-term future with the team, which...
2023-12-191h 51The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastSadnessWe open with a return to the traditional serenity prayer, followed by a fiery sermon from Deano, chastising Roar Nation for having been seduced by false football god and having the vanity to believe that the Roar had truly been restored.
We ponder the mystery of the Lions current swoon. Is it the O Line? Is it Jared? Have other teams figured out a way to stymie our formerly fearsome offense?
Other than Gibbs ripping off some nice runs and the Roar coming alive in the second quarter, there's...
2023-12-121h 24The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWe'll take the road winIn the aftermath of the Roar's split personality road win against the Taints, we huddle to determine what this strange game portents for the rest of the season.
Any win on the road is as good win, but damn if our shitty D didn't make David Carr look like Pat Mahomes, slinging it. The play of the game was our man Bruce Irvin driving Carr into the dirt and knocking him out of the game. In came journeyman Jameis Winston, who was not good.
We praise Jamo, who showed off his superhuman burst and unveiled...
2023-12-051h 24The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastAre the wheels falling off the bandwagon?The Roargasm crew sift through the wreckage of the Lion's Thanksgiving loss to the Slackers. Those cheesehead fuckers are clearly better than when we beat their ass earlier in the season. But our O-line looked alarmingly shaky and our defense sucked the most donkey balls it's sucked in a while. Deano even suggests that it might be time to start sleeping on Jared a little bit.
We have no special insights, people. We're as baffled and wary as the rest of Roar Nation. Here's the deal. The Lions are 8-3, with a pretty soft...
2023-11-301h 15The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Lions pull one out of their assWith Uncle Brother living it up in Europe, Lomas, Deano, and super special guest Big Don Feldman marvel at the Roar's absurd comeback against the Bears. After dining at the donkey ball buffet for most of the game, Jared and the offense rode the silver Lion all the way to an instant-classic come from behind victory. Hutch put the cherry on top with a strip sack safety, after which he punted the ball into the stands. Which was awesome. Did the defense go back to the buffet for seconds and thirds? Yes, it did. The D will be shitting...
2023-11-221h 12The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastDonovan Peoples-Jones!First, we're super-excited about the addition of Donovan Peoples-Jones to to the Roar family. Not necessarily because he's such an amazing player--although maybe he is ... we have no idea!--but really because the name "Donovan Peoples-Jones" is next level. We simply love it and can't get enough, and are already well along the path toward composing and recording a song in DPJ's honor.
Anyhow, The Roar took care of business at home against a pretty shitty Raiders squad. Many thanks to Jimmy G for being a below-average QB and giving the Lions D a...
2023-11-021h 30The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThat SuckedThis episode is being posted several days after the disaster because, well, Lomas just wasn't very motivated to post it.
What is there to say except that the Lions got demolished every which way. Lamar played like his former MVP self, the Ravens averaged something like 87 yards per play, and the rate at which Baltimore scored was almost comical.
Anyhow, was this a blip, a bump in the road? Or a harbinger of dark things to come. We shall soon find out. Fortunately, the Roar is back at home...
2023-10-271h 00The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastAre the Detroit Lions Elite?After a brief hiatus to digest all the fucked up shit going down in the Middle East, the boys are back and more Roargasmic than ever!
Before podding, Uncle Brother sent an email to Deano and Impossible Lomas, asking the following question: Are the Lions elite, and if so, what kind of elite are they?
Now, first, let's recognize that this is the first time in recorded history that the words "Detroit Lions" and "elite" have been used in the same sentence that wasn't some kind of sick joke...
2023-10-171h 59The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWe are beside ourselves with Roargasmic joy!That keening, otherworldly sound you heard Thursday night? The one that echoed across the land, an arresting amalgam of joy, relief, euphoria, insanity, and release after 7000 years of ineptitude ...
That, my friends, was the sound of Roar Nation experiencing a collective ROARGASM the likes of which has not been documented since 1957.
Holy shit, right? The absolute and total beatdown that transpired Thursday night at Lambeau gave us so much to talk about that we didn't even bother revisiting Deano and Uncle Brother's pilgrimage to the holy of holies known as Ford Field last Sunday to...
2023-09-301h 22The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastDamnWith the disappointment of a tough loss at home still fresh, Impossible Lomas and Uncle Brother pod it out to hash out their feelings and try to figure out what the hell happened against the Seacocks. Deano? No Deano, who was dutifully observing the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah.
A few takeaways ...
The Lions offense is for real.
The defense, which has improved from historically the worst ever to just plain bad, still has a long way to go.
The Seacocks are better than their 1st game loss suggested.
...
2023-09-221h 01
The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastImpossible Lomas Productions Presents: "O-Line"O-Line
Frank Ragnow is brave and stout
Protects his quarterback
He opens up great big holes
For the Lions rush attack
He snaps the ball straight and true
Each and every time
Mighty Frank will never break
Here on the O-Line
O-line
O-line
On the right side you will find
A man named Penei
He guards his position
Each and every play
If...
2023-09-1002 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast#We're Built for this Shit!ROAR! 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁
We are, indeed, built for this shit!
Holy fucking shit. We won on the road against last year's Super Bowl Champs, on Thursday night, against the best QB in the league.
Uncle Brother, Deano, and Impossible Lomas barely hold it together as they attempt to express their feelings about what is easily the best and most significant win in Lions history since the last time they won a playoff game a billion years ago.
We rock out to the new smash hit from Blandino Records, "Don't Sleep on Jared!"
We experience th...
2023-09-091h 20The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastUnleash the Roargasm!After a long hibernation, the RAA crew is back for season 5 of ... The Roargasm! Yes, the podcast has a new name for a brand new era of Detroit Lions Football!
Uncle Brother Ted kicks things off on the right note with a sultry intro, followed by a brand new, bright and shiny piece of liturgy, intoned by the ever-roargasmic Deano Blandino ... In turn followed by Impossible Lomas reading from a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared.
We look ahead with a mixture of great anticipation and trepidation...
2023-08-311h 59
The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastOne Magical Night in LambeauRAA is truly at a crossroads, folks. Never have we podded so long and so hard, and never have we ended the season on such a note of optimism and high hopes.
We begin this radical episode by dispensing with the Serenity Prayer altogether, and instead recite a Psalm of Jared and listen with rapt attention as Uncle Brother Ted recites from a recently revealed chapter of the Book of Jared. We then proceed to talk for a solid 2.24 hours ... and here are the things we DON'T even get around to discussing: a breakdown of the game...
2023-01-112h 25The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastForward Down The Field!We came. We saw. We kicked Da Bears ass! And by "we," I mean both the Lions and the RAA crew, plus fellow roaraholics WorldWide Dock and Big Don. That's right, friends ... we journeyed to the inner sanctum known as Ford Field and not only lived to tell the tale but roared ourselves silly as we witnessed the Lions absolutely stomp the shit out of the Bears. Huge thanks to Big Don for footing the bill. Attending an NFL game these days requires mucho dinero, especially for good seats. And our seats were plenty good. Unlike the lawless, post-apocalyptic...
2023-01-031h 19The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWhat were we thinking?In the aftermath of the Lions deflating loss to the Panthers, we attempt to return to RAA core principles, beginning with an extra-long serenity prayer. But the question remains: were the Roar simply overdue for a ball-sucking game amidst a run of really good football? Or were we once again sucked in by a handful of wins, only to be donkey kicked in the teeth by the cold reality that The Lions Will Always Suck? There's only one way to find out ... But going to the game against Da Bears this Sunday! That's right, bitches ... Thanks to the largess...
2022-12-3147 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastFucking ROAR!We're all in, folks. All the fucking way in!
In this unprecedented 10th episode (we usually bottom out around episode 6, when it's clear that the Lions will be sucking donkey balls for the rest of the season), we open with a new addition to the liturgy, immediately followed by a Hillel vs. Shammai-level theological debate over the merits of the new prayer. Lomas reads from the recently discovered Book of Jared, a divine text chronicling the inspiring story of Jared Goff's call to glory. We get into the weeds of the Lions thrilling road win against the J...
2022-12-211h 15The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastEntering Uncharted TerritoryIn the glorious aftermath of the Lions home win over the 10-2 (now 10-3!) Vikings, the crew revels in victory, despite years of intensive RAA therapy forbidding such enthusiasm. But you now what? Fuck that! The Lions have won 5 out of their last six! ROAR! Deano makes us all extremely proud by attending the game solo, wearing Lions pajama pants, no less, and sitting next to two extremely drunk dudes from Warren who have NEVER GIVEN UP ON THE LIONS! Lomas dons a new robe in celebration of the win and graciously accepts kudos for picking the Roar and...
2022-12-121h 32The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWallbrook CallingThe Lions absolute thumping of the Jags pulls us back into the studio, where we contemplate what the fuck is going on. Does the Roar's ability to beat bad teams and (sometimes) hang with good ones bode well for the future? Or does everything we know about this franchise and four years of intensive RAA therapy lead us back to our North Star: namely, that the Lions Will Always Suck?
That fact that this is a question and not a statement of absolute, 100% guaranteed fact has set off major alarm bells at RAA headquarters and has the W...
2022-12-071h 21The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWe're thankful for the Lions maybe not sucking quite as much as normalThe Lions less than putrid performance against the mighty Bills draws us back to the recording studio, somewhat against our will, to ponder the meaning of it all. And ponder we do, albeit to no great effect. Does the fact that the Roar hung with the Bills and were actually ahead in the 4th quarter mean anything? Does it bode well for the future? If the Rams continue their putrid play and the Lions end up with two high first round draft picks, will they strike gold and enter into the ranks of the solidly mediocre? Only the ghost...
2022-11-301h 00The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastJust When We Thought the Season Was Over ...We're back, mostly against our will. Wallbrook is bursting at the seams, as Roaraholics across the land teeter on the brink of total disaster. In the wake of the Lions' three-game winning streak, we ponder the implications for the franchise, for the playoff picture, and for our sanity. Apparently, when health, the Roar have returned to their high-scoring ways, putting up 31 against a Giants team with a good record but a negative point differential. We agree that we now must watch The Lions take on the mighty Bills on Thanksgiving Day, which is likely to be a bloodbath the...
2022-11-221h 02The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRIP Lions 2022-20223Deano, Lomas, and Uncle Brother Ted conduct a memorial service for the Lions' 2022-2023 season, which really ended two weeks ago, when the Roar were shut out by the Pats, and was finally put to rest last night, when the Lions' formerly unstoppable offense was kneecapped by the Cowboys. We spend as little time as possible talking about the actual games, because, well, y'know ... What is there to say other than to repeat our mantra: The Lions Will Always Suck.
We ponder how much longer we can keep the pod going this season before devolving into song p...
2022-10-2458 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Art of LosingWelp. Deano, Lomas, and Uncle Brother Ted can't help but marvel at the magnificence of the Lion's 48-45 home loss to the Seahawks. Just when you thought the Roar had truly embodied every possible form of losing and sucking, they find a way to keep losing and sucking in new and inspired ways. Let's just say that the loss was not boring, insofar as the disparity in talent and productivity between the offense and the defense is literally path-breaking. Never before has a team led the league simultaneously in points scored AND points allowed. The Lions offense is truly...
2022-10-041h 10The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastSo close, yet ...Uncle Brother Ted returns from a 3-hour journey into the woodlands to join the pod, with zero knowledge of what transpired in Minnesota. Deano and Lomas regal Ted with tales of the Lions 14-0 first half lead, how they went 3-3 on 4th down conversions, how they had the ball with 3:30 left in the game and a 3-point lead ... and of course still lost. Wallbrook will have to wait at least a few more weeks before welcoming Deano back to its warm embrace. The good: The Roar once again put up impressive numbers on the ground ... Goff played well...
2022-09-261h 03The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWallbrook CallingIn the aftermath of the Lions win over the Washington Conquistadors, Uncle Brother Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas are perplexed as to how to proceed. Well, not so much Blandino, who has the Wallbrook staff on high alert as they prepare his room and favorite snacks. We indulge in a review of the Lions' seemingly potent offense. Lomas lavishes praise on the O-line, as is his wont. Aidan Hutchinson receives his due after a 3-sack performance--the most ever by a rookie Lion. As Deuce Staley decreed in Hard Knocks, D'Andre Swift might actually be a top-tier running back...
2022-09-201h 16The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastBetter Late Than NeverImpossible Lomas Productions is off to a very Lions-like start to the season, having posted our preseason episode after the regular season has already started. But ... Whatevs. Deano Blandino, Uncle Brother Ted, and Impossible Lomas reunite to kick off Season 4 of Roaraholics Anonymous. We do so not with a sense of joy and anticipation of good things to come, of course. Nay, we do so out of inertia and an unhealthy sense of duty to ... The Ghost of Bobby Lane? We know not. And yet, here we are, once again on the precipice of another shitty season. We provide...
2022-09-141h 35
The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastMatty Staff's Super Bowl DreamMatty Staff’s Super Bowl Dream
Words and music by Uncle Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas
Growing up in Texas
You had a Super Bowl dream and a rocket right arm
Won a chip in high school, they said
Hey boy, you’re gonna go far
Packed it off for Georgia
Worked real hard and honed your craft
In fact you got so damn good you were the #1 pick in the NFL draft
The only thing that coul...
2022-02-2706 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRam Jam!John Matthew Stafford is a Super Bowl champion.
In case reading the above sentence made your brain explode right through your skull, pick up the pieces, reassemble, and read it again:
MATT STAFFORD IS A FUCKING SUPERBOWL CHAMPION!
The stars and planets aligned, the football gods smiled, Cooper Kupp hauled in the winning TD, and now ...
Matty $taff has won the Super Bowl. In his first shot at the crown with a team that does not suck.
In this very, very special episode, live from South Haven, Michigan, we m...
2022-02-171h 02The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Ballad of Matty StaffWhat? A February episode of RAA? That's right bitches! Thanks to the mighty hand and outstretched rocket right arm of our savior, John Matthew Stafford, we have survived to pod another day, well into the stretch of time and space known as Super Bowl Week.
In this unprecedented episode we celebrate the Lazarus-like resurrection and redemption of Matty Staff, who has emerged from the Lions wasteland to lead the Rams to the fucking Super Bowl! We offer mea culpas to Staff, who we have repeatedly maligned on this pod for not being top-tier and quite good enough t...
2022-02-061h 34The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastOnce again, this is the endWell, ladies and gents (exclusively gents, actually), once again the RAA crew has run into a wall of Lions sucktitude and decided that this will be the final episode of this sorry, sorry season. After our requisite 9-week mental health break, we reconvene and recap what's been going on during our long period of silence. Deano Blandino has leaned fully into bowling, getting high on the sweet smell of his weirdly scented bowling ball and piling up 200+ games ... Impossible Lomas has earned top marks from the RAA board of directors for really not giving a single fuck about the...
2022-01-061h 23The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastMatty Staff vs. The Detroit GlobetrottersThe general tone of this episode is gobsmackedness ... Insofar as Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino are utterly gobsmacked that the Roar pulled off a first quarter onside kick and not one but two (2!) fake punts, and of course still lost ... We spend a lot of time pondering what other sorts of trick plays the Lions can pull out from the trunk of their collective clown car (many of them involving superlative punter Jack Fox punting the ball directly into the balls of A) an onrushing defender, or B) the opposing coach standing on the sidelines) ... We are...
2021-10-261h 54The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastOh Lord, The Lions Will Always SuckImpossible Lomas Productions is proud to present the latest addition to the RAA liturgy.
2021-10-2602 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRock BottomIn this heartfelt episode, Deano once again bares his soul and, in the tone of a man whose spirit has been good and fully crushed, wonders aloud why the Lord has afflicted with Roaraholicism ... Impossible Lomas makes a triumphant, be-robed comeback as Lomas, who catches ya'll up on how he's been dealing with Covid and tells tales from yesteryear about what it was like to be on really shit Lions teams back in the day ... We--or, at least, Uncle Ted and Imp Lomas--revel in yet another masterful performance from Matty Staff and glorious Rams victory ... And then, we sort...
2021-10-2359 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastA Roaring ConspiracyThe Roar lose on yet another last second, 50+ yard field goal, for the second week in a row, becoming the only team to undergo such humiliation and gut punch madness. We are ... nonplussed? After literally a lifetime of Lions sucktitude, it's hard to get too worked up about one more loss, no matter how bizarre.
Deano admires Coach Campbell's manly tears during the post-game presser and his ability to get this group of low-talent rejects to play really hard.
We fantasize about how cool it would be if the Roar keep losing on ever-longer, game-ending f...
2021-10-131h 03The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWhy?The RAA crew--Uncle Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas--don't spend much time breaking down the Lions expected loss to the nearly as horrible Bears because, really, what's there to say? The Lions suck donkey balls of the exact shape, size, texture, and most likely taste that we all predicted during the pre-season. Instead, Uncle T regales us with the tale of watching the game with his brother-in-law on his in-laws majestic TV, indulging in a game to see which franchise sucks hardest and longest. (Spoiler alert: it's not even close.) Deano, in the aftermath of his youngest son's bar...
2021-10-051h 33The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastGetting Better? (It can't get no worse)Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas once again meld their minds to deliver to you, our devoted listener, another penetrating, scintillating, and enervating episode of RAA. We debate the proper level of Rams/Matty Staff fandom ... We marvel at how Dan Campbell and the Lions coaching staff seem to have this JV-level squad playing hard and actually trying, as demonstrated by their almost win against the mighty Ravens ... We also marvel that the Roar have discovered yet another way to lose, this time via a record-breaking, 66-yard boot off the crossbar ... Deano reveals that he's not only taking bowling...
2021-10-011h 13The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastHo HumIn this riveting episode of RAA ... Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino review the Lion's desultory and entirely predictable loss to the Packers on the road, remarking on how thrilled the Pack must have been to welcome the Roar to town after getting bitch slapped last week by the Saints ... We duly give props to Jared Goff, who only sometimes sucks donkey balls, and to the Lion's run game, which ironically is actually pretty good (ironic insofar as the Roar waited until after trading Matty Staff to build a decent rushing attack) ... We marvel at TJ Hockenson's astonishing...
2021-09-231h 26The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRams Are Awesome!Opening the show with a bold, nay, STUNNING gambit, Uncle Ted reveals an astonishing rebrand of RAA: Rams Are Awesome! Blindly following Ted's lead, we revel in Matty Staff's auspicious debut in a Ram's uni (dude bro posted the best QB rating of his damn career!). On the flip side, we reluctantly submerge our collective self back into the muck and shit of Roardom ... We marvel at the televised sideline humiliation of Poor Jeff Okudah, whose very public dressing down by his position coach will surely be enshrined in the NFL TV hall of fame ... We also speculate that...
2021-09-171h 15The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastRemember us? We're back for more!The RAA crew--Deano Blandino, Uncle Ted, and Impossible Lomas--are back for Season 3! Deano tells the sordid tale of being emasculated by a bowling pro shop proprietor, signing up for bowling lessons, and unlearning everything he thought he knew about rolling. Uncle Ted ships out his daughter to European parts unknown. Impossible L is just trying to keep his shit together as we begin the long dive down the fetid, foul-smelling shithole that is this upcoming Lions season. Speaking of which ... The guys identify mighty few reasons for even a hint of optimism ... Although we are somewhat excited for Matty...
2021-09-021h 19The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast50 Ways to Trade Matt StaffordAnother hot Impossible Lomas production ...
Music by Paul Simon
Lyrics by Uncle Ted
2021-02-0701 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastSo long, Matty StaffJust when we thought we were out ... they drag us back in! For once, the Lions Football Club does something unpredictable and arguably smart, namely moving on from the Matt Stafford era. The only way to respond to such epic news was to host an epic RAA struggle session. And by jove, we deliver. Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas react to new Lions coach Dan Campbell's macho press conference. We're soon joined by Matt Fantetti and Adam Air Low-y, who flatout bring it. We ponder Staff's future and wish him well ... We try to figure out of Jared...
2021-02-051h 51The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWrapping up another shitty seasonThe RAA crew grudgingly reconvenes for one last pod to eulogize another season that, much like a crippled and ailing dog, desperately needed to be put down and put out of its misery. Should the Roar move on from Matt Stafford, the best Lion's QB of the past 50+ years (and maybe ever)? Will whomever the new coach and GM turn out to be make much of a difference? Will the "braintrust" somehow find a draft sleeper who will turn the franchise around? Will the Fords magically transform into owners dedicated to building a winning franchise?* Anyhow, despite a season...
2021-01-121h 27The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastFarewell Quinntricia ... and Good RiddanceOne of the few things that could have brought the RAA crew out of retirement actually happened ... the long-awaited sacking of Matt Patricia and Bob Quinn! And yet, we fail to muster much glee. The general tone of this episode is best described as glum and resigned. We do experience a few moments of levity. The news that Amazon is apparently interested in building offices on the site of the former Pontiac Silverdome leads the guys to speculate that, should Amazon actually do this, it will surely lead to the company's downfall--a bitter but just price for having dared...
2020-12-021h 04The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastDark Days AheadThis dark and dreary episode gets off to an appropriately inept start when Deano--who had one goddamn job!--sends the Zoom link 55 minutes late. By the time the crew finally logs on, Uncle Ted is extra irritated, Deano is extra clueless, and Impossible L is only half paying attention. Uncle Ted shares the depressing tale of watching the game alone on a billboard-sized TV in his in-law's basement. Deano reveals that even Lions superfan Little Deano gave up on this game. Impossible is pissed because he actually made a point of designing his day around listening to Possible Lomas...
2020-11-051h 14The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Most Lions Win PossibleWe officially add Matt Fantetti's prayer to the liturgy ... In the aftermath of a wild, stupid, and utterly predictable last-second comeback win against the Falcons, the RAA crew is forced to actually talk about the game ... Uncle Ted decrees a "no watching YouTube videos during the podcast" rule ... Impossible Lomas describes the experience of listening to Possible Lomas call the game on WJR ... Deano once again manages to keep his shit together ... We contemplate the psychological and physical challenges of enabling the opposing offense to score a touchdown ... Uncle Ted suggest the Roar hire a hypnotist to persuade Matty...
2020-10-281h 33The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastHoff!The crew is so excited to welcome special guest Matt "Fatnose" Hoff that we forget to say the Serenity Prayer ... Matt demonstrates a still-impressive knowledge of college football mascots ... Impossible Lomas forces the guys to watch replays of the Roar getting jobbed by the refs near the end of the 2014 playoff loss to Dallas, as well as grainy footage from the Lion's deep past ... We actually do talk about the Roar's win against an extremely terrible Jags squad, albeit without much enthusiasm ... Deano manages to keep his shit together, at least for now ... We get the inside scoop on...
2020-10-201h 22The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastImpossible Lomas Nails It!Deano comes crashing back to earth after the Lions latest loss ... Impossible Lomas gloats just a little for having nearly perfectly predicted the score (IL predicted Saints 35 - Roar 27; Actual score Saints 35 - Roar 29). Uncle Ted provides a news update on Deano's whereabouts ... Deano regales us with the gory details of his post-loss journey to the bottom ... We contemplate the artistry of losing and honor the Roar as one of the greatest innovators of the medium ... We look ahead to the bye-week with fear in our hearts and confusion clouding our minds.
2020-10-061h 27The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastDeano Gone WildDeano is officially off the wagon, folks ... In the wake of the Lion's improbable victory against the Cardinals, Deano goes full Blandino, hootin' and hollerin' about the glorious resurgence of the Honolulu Blue and Silver brigade. Uncle Ted and, especially, Impossible Lomas are genuinely concerned about Deano's mental state and more generally about the larger implication's of the Roar's first win of the season. Impossible L touts the virtue and honor of the Lakers and Heat in contradistinction to the Lion's utter lack of said qualities. Uncle T admits to not fasting on Yom Kippur and, on the contrary...
2020-09-301h 08The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastSame Old LionsImpossible Lomas Productions presents: "Same Old Lions"
2020-09-2403 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast"Same Old Lions"Impossible Lomas Productions presents: "Same Old Lions"
2020-09-2203 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastIt's a wrapDeano Blandino, Uncle Ted, and Jer, from now on known as "Impossible Lomas", find comfort in knowing that the season is essentially over. Ted proves as much with a chart showing that teams that lose their first two games have only an 11% change of making the playoffs. The guys don't discuss the game much, largely because nobody watched that sad excuse for a professional football contest. The crew is joined by longtime friend and arch nemesis Dr. Steve, who provides some hearty belly laughs and off-color commentary. Impossible Lomas debutes a brand new song that sums up the season...
2020-09-221h 22The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastAnother great start ...Where to begin? Uncle Ted deliberately (and without much arm twisting) not only does not watch or listen to the game but begins recording without any knowledge of the horror the unspooled at Ford Field. Lucky bastard. Ted "interviews" Jer (who listened) and Deano (who watched) about what went down ... Jer and Deano do their best to recount the briefly inspiring ups of quarters 1-3 and the all-too-predictable 4th quarter collapse, culminating in the dropped game-winning TD pass that will haunt our collective dreams until the end of days ... Jer self-medicates with a large plastic cup of ginger ale an...
2020-09-151h 38The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWe're Back!We're back, ya'll! Season 2 of Roar-Aholics Anonymous ... with Dan "Deano" Shere, Uncle Ted Lowy, and Jeremy "Baghead" Shere, all of us struggling to stay on that rickety wagon, knowing full well that as soon as the 2020 version of the Roar take the field, we're falling off.
In this episode we get a surprise visit from one of Deano's students (yes, Deano has been entrusted by the vaunted University of Michigan to mold the minds of young, aspiring screenwriters) ... we contemplate the return and relevance of sports in the era of COVID ... we basically agree that, despite some "e...
2020-09-1154 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastGoodbye and Good RiddanceOur final episode of a truly stupid and shitty season. True to form, we struggle mightily to simply begin recording, causing Ted to sweat through his shirt and sell his eldest daughter into sex slavery. Deano takes a piss (literally) while recording. Ted plays with his cat. We also look back over a season that began with a disheartening tie, then seemed to maybe kinda sorta be trending in the right direction, then took a giant dump all over Roar Nation. Deano relates an anecdote wherein he and his youngest son are labeled the rudest people ever to board...
2020-01-031h 26
The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastHello Darkness, My Old Friend ...So, because there wasn't much Lions stuff to talk about (they lost to the goddamn Redskins), we pretty much just wing it. We dive deep into the Simon and Garfunkel discography. Ted delivers a stunning version of "America" with lyrics repurposed to channel the Lions' putrid legacy. Ted also accuses Brother Jer of "cheating" for dipping into Paul Simon's solo work. The dispute remains unsettled. We attempt to match various NFL teams with appropriate rock songs and consider devoting the rest of our lives to this task. We listen to a bit of "Kick Out the Jams" by the M...
2019-11-261h 29
The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastGoing DeepJeremy jumps out with a scorching hot take and is then literally knocked off the podcast by the force of Deano's rebuttal. In J's absence, Ted and Dean go deep, plumbing the depths of Lions fandom and achieving what can only be described as an astonishing and profound breakthrough. The pod has perhaps at last found its true purpose as a beacon of hope to beleaguered Lions face across the land. Also, we debut new cover art and a surprise outro song.
2019-11-201h 05The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastNothing Matters AnymoreWell, the season is pretty much over. So, what's the point of doing this podcast? Whatever. In this episode, we pretty much don't talk about the Lion's loss to the Bears, because, well, you know. Lomas makes a tentative reappearance on the pod, only to get punked once again by Deano. Lomas has vowed revenge, but he's probably too nice of a dude to follow through. We wonder what it would be like if concussions resulted in players developing extraordinary abilities. We toss around the idea of the Lions tanking the rest of the season (why not?) and think...
2019-11-151h 04The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWe begin to abandon hopeThe pod welcomes a new contributor: representing the West Coast, Bay Area, it's Todd's brother, Adam. Welcome, Air Low. You're just in time to join the podcast as our thoughts turn dark and we begin to turn on each other. Things get a bit heated as the guys turn on poor, kind-hearted and ever-positive Lomas. Lomas and Deano have pod beef, which could get physical if Deano doesn't watch his mouth. Brother Dan goes all in on Matty Staff and flaunts his indulgence in toxic Lions fandom, which runs completely contrary to the spirit of this podcast. Brother Adam...
2019-11-041h 02The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Lions of PodcastingYes, we are the Detroit Lions of podcasting. We keep running into technical difficulties, making it harder to edit the episode, in turn making it more difficult to publish episodes in a timely manner. If it sounds like I'm (Jeremy) bitching and moaning like a little baby, well, that's because I am. I am a little bitty baby who wants his bottle and his mommy. Anyhow, in this episode, Brother Dan describes the atmosphere inside Ford Field (he took his youngest kid to the game for his birthday), Brother Jeremy calls the Lions a "below average team" despite the...
2019-11-0148 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastLions lose in desultory fashion, Lomas and Barre Sanders weigh inThe Lions got beat by a better team on a winning streak. Kirk Cousins has the highest QB rating (can't remember which rating exactly) among all NFL QBs. He's legitimately playing at a high level. And while Matt Stafford had another really good game, it just wasn't enough. And the Vikings ran the ball all over the Lions. As we discuss, it's one thing to lose. It's another thing to get beat in your own house. And it's yet another to get run on the way the Lions got run on. There's something emasculating about it, because you're literally...
2019-10-2249 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Lions get jobbed by the refs--again!Yes, we're aware we're posting this episode a little late in the day. But Jewish holidays got in the way again. Anyhow, in this super long episode we try to wrap our collective minds around what happened this past Monday night. Are the Lions cursed? Are the refs out to get them? Maybe both of those things are true. We get way down in the weeds. Also, Jeremy debuts his Lomas Brown imitation and give well-deserved props to the Lions radio duo of Dan Miller and Lo Brown, who are excellent. And we fondly recall the Eric Hipple experience a...
2019-10-171h 33The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Bye Week EpisodeIt's a bye week, ya'll! In this episode we discuss the pros and cons of the bye week for Roaraholics. Todd takes use down a statistical rabbit hole, and brother Dan digs up some old emails from the John "Jesus" Kitna era. We decline to make any predictions concerning the disaster that is sure to unfold Monday night against the Packers. God help us all.
2019-10-0855 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastEmergency Prejaculions Syndrome PodcastAre the Lions sorta, kinda, just maybe ... not a total dumpster fire? Is it even remotely possible that the Lions are ... good? After all, they more than held their own against the mighty Chiefs. Stafford had his third strong game in a row and matched Mahomes drive for drive. If not for that weird, fluky fumble return ... Stop. Just stop. Please. Stop! Enough of this. Time to grow up. Last year the Roar beat the Patriots early in the season and nevertheless proceeded to suck balls thereafter. A couple weeks from now, the Lions play the Packers at Lambeau...
2019-10-0336 minThe Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastThe Lions are undefeated ... and we're miserableThe Detroit Lions won on the road, against a team with a supposedly good quarterback. True, the Eagles played like shit and the Lions did their classic "fail to put the other team away when you have a lead" routine. But still, a road win's a road win, right? Right? Actually, reading too much into the last two wins would be naive. Beginning to actually believe that this team might be better than we thought--that's a sign of psychosis. Which is exactly what Roar-Aholics Anonymous is for. We feel your pain and confusion, and we're here for you.
2019-09-231h 09The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions PodcastWhy on earth are we doing this? (Lions 13 - Chargers 10)Why on earth are we doing this podcast? The truth is, we're doing it against our better judgement. The three of us--Jeremy Shere, Dan Shere, and Todd Hasak-Lowy, all grew up in the metro Detroit area, and we're all long-time, long-suffering Lions fans. For years, we've endured one crappy season after another and coped by exchanging long, elaborate emails and texts trying to make sense of it all. Existential questions abound: Why do we care? Why do we keep allowing the consistently worst football team of all time lure us back in to keep giving more fucks when we...
2019-09-161h 10